Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Archive for the tag “trade secrets”

I need a date, Coach!


It couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy…

 Matt, 47, lives in San Francisco, was married for 20 yrs – now divorced – is new to the dating whirl. Although he is divorced for almost a year, he is still in that quasi-reclusive stage. Some say all that time dealing with judges and lawyers took the joie de vivre and the starch out of him.

Friends have  encouraged him to “get out there and date.”  They have regaled him with dating success stories and yet, he is hesitant to go beyond a second date.

Serendipity happens when you least expect it

Matt recently attended a Medical Equipment  sales conference at the downtown Hilton.  He said the  hotel was teeming with conventioneers.  On the first day he noticed dozens of women, and a handful of men,  flocking to a particular ballroom near his meeting room. He said there were  a ton of pink balloons and multiple  giant vases with red roses at the entrance to the room where all the women seemed to be heading.

Impulsively, he joined  a “swarm” of fast talking, fast moving women, and entered the lively room with them. He deftly removed his  name tag and folded his suit jacket over his arm and sat down.

He said the attractive woman next to him started chatting him up -not realizing she was sitting next to the King of Small Talk.  In no time  he realized the hot pink signs reading “WRD/LCC” was for the:

Western Region Dating / Life Coach Convention.

His first impulse was to dash – an obvious impostor, he might be discovered. He paused. Why Not? Matt sat back, relaxed and waited.

Matt is  an interesting guy – he  enjoyed great success in his career, is a total Mid West -Never Met a Stranger- kind of a guy.

His 20 year marriage evaporated when his wife ran away with the pool boy – actually, it was with the guy who owned the Tri-State Pool Installation mega corporation.

As the opening statements continued, Matt became the totally intrigued interloper. He tells of  being fascinated by what he learned from the panel 0f Dating Coaches ( i.e. be open, talk to strangers, dating is a numbers game- get off the couch and into life – start now.)

It took one morning

Within two hours – a crash course: Matt was launched  into the: I can do this –  dating stratosphere. He stayed for the morning presentations and was dazzled by the flood of information about on-line dating.

He noticed the room was filled with happy, smiling faces. He was one of them. 

Let the Flirting Begin.


What’s the eHarmony in trying this dating site?

EHABeen around the ‘Dating Block’ enough times to be an Official Survivor Storyteller?

After years of being married to Mr. or Mrs. Wrong and the ensuing divorce, many of us quickly sign up for Internet dating.

Inspired by those romantic eHarmony ads on TV, we bite.

They say 15,000 people every day fill out the infamous questionnaire.

It can take in excess of 90 minutes to complete the extremely long questionnaire: comprised of 426 seemingly inane questions covering 29 dimensions.

Who knew there was life after the Fifth Dimension?

Finally, you pay hefty $70 for a one month membership. Harmony claims the quality of the service and that “sophisticated matching algorithm” and personality analysis, are so worth it…really?

Good News- Bad News

Shortly thereafter, you receive an analysis of your personality and a description of your “Perfect mate” Okay. Most of us are seduced by flattery and eHarmony will send quirky pages of prose extolling your virtues. You may be honest, loyal, and steadfast like a Boy Scout. Or Dull and Eclectic, eccentric and exceptionally unusual. To say eHarmony paints with a broad brush only begins to describe the way they analyze your attributes.

Be Prepared: People in the know, claim “Eh employees” like “Don in Delhi and Mark in Mumbi are cranking out pretty bizarre Personality Reports – broken English, outlandish claims (i.e. your carry sunshine in a bag; you are walking the streets of Hollywood. What?)

Bottom line? Skip the out-sourced Indian gibberish report.

Everyone wants to see a long list of perfect matches -Prince or Princess Charmings. In the TV ads, couples evidently connected at breakneck speed. There seemed to be a lot of happily- ever- after- going on, right?

Hurry Up and Wait

Then, much to your chagrin, you learn what the term ‘Glacially slow’ means. A glacier moves one tiny fraction of a millimeter of an inch every several thousand days – just like eHarmony. Okay, so my exact glacier mass measurements are fiction — but the fact that eHarmony is slow is pure fact. Be prepared to wait, for a very long time. Expect singles from the A States ( Arkansas, Alamaba, Arizona, and Alaska) to contact you. It happens.

hollyJust like Christmas Morning

Anne, an eHarmony escapee and one of the Yoga Babes said this about her so-called perfect matches:

“One man lived 95 miles away and was three inches shorter than I am in my stocking feet. Lauren, a cattle rancher near Reno liked chess and NASCAR. Me? Not so much. He was ten years older than I am. Next, Frank of Santa Rosa (doesn’t anybody live in San Francisco?) was a pilot, a triathlete and made his own tofu. Granted, I have a preconceived notion about triathlons and I won’t try an athlete who trains 20 hours a week.

I want a guy who likes to walk on the beach, not swims to Alcatraz; I like taking a leisurely ride through Golden Gate Park; not at breakneck speed.

The final ‘exact match’, or so they claimed, was Roland from Fresno. He liked cigars, port, his Bible and his six greyhounds- dogs, not buses. My allergies kicked in, just reading his profile. We didn’t have a thing in common. So, what I hoped would be like ‘Christmas morning’ was more like three lumps of coal. I quit after one month of disappointment. I’m now on and happier with the results.”

Worth a Try?

One size does not fit all and there are tens of thousands of very happy members on eHarmony. The website is a treasure trove of opportunities. You can order flowers, Fandango tickets, buy insurance, and, yes even  prescription drugs and there are pages and pages of pretty mild dating  advice. Seriously. It may be a perfect fit for your lifestyle and expectations.

You don’t know until you’ve done some research. Have fun on the quest.

What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?Vincent van Gogh

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