Suddenly Single… Minded

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Girls tell all about their online dates

image0It’s a fact: girls talk a lot.

Women share, converse, chat, dialogue, exchange… Especially women, 50+ who have started dating again. Their single friends want to know what online dating is really like.  Single friends who are also dabbling in online dating want to compare notes.  And so it goes.

A certain character in Marin County- 58, lives with his 3 cats in room he rents in Corte Madera thought he was so clever when he Photo-shopped his head on the body of a buff 30-year-old. Oh, yeah,  he got a lot of attention.

Consistently, women were quite taken aback by his true Ichabod Crane self. He wondered why his first dates were so brief. Note to clever guy: The truth will set you free.

We share dating stories – at the drop of a hat.

Yes, we discuss the good, the bad and the boring, the great and really good.

It is not uncommon for two women -meeting for the first time- to divulge pretty relevant secrets about their dating forays.  Partially, we are excited by the adventure and we feel compelled to warn a sister about a certain clod, Casanova or cretin.  It is what we do.

Sharon and Sally both dabblers and Sausalito singles, 50-ish, found they both, at one time or another, dated the same three men.  Who says Marin is a small dating pool?

Both women are tall, blond and interesting well-traveled and obviously attracted similar men.

The take away? Women, extend your boundaries beyond the comfort zone of your hometown. Cross a bridge! Be it Golden or San Rafael or Oakland. Try new avenues.

11695761_1027617460584183_145854481130328541_nDead End Dates

Men are more reserved about discussing whom they date. Take Charlie. Please.

Charlie was like a kid in a candy store after his divorce and signed up for Plenty of Fish and and ‘dated’ as frequently as possible.  His married friends were green with envy- envisioning their  pal with a different bombshell each night. Va, va, boom! Not quite.

The Married  Guys  didn’t understand ol’ Charlie was ill prepared to date again -he was rusty and  was oblivious to the fact that women in 2013 were nothing like the girls he knew in 1983.

After his record-breaking 34 dead end first-dates, we met to talk about what wasn’t working for Charlie.  He is brash, a little off-color, and a lousy listener- who showed up wearing sweatpants and an Aloha shirt. We had a ‘come to Jesus ‘meeting.  He listened.

Pygmalion of sorts…

Charlie was a quick learner;  he was also very  willing to move forward to 2013. He was open to deleting his dated wardrobe. Most important: he was willing to work on his listening skills.  The Big Lesson: he understood that women liked to be asked questions.

With a little coaching he agreed to cleaning up  his obnoxious vocabulary and erase all the off color jokes.

Practice, practice, practice  and a whole lot of coaching- and  Charles has morphed into a much nicer guy.



New to the Dating Game? Market Yourself


Marketing 101

There is a plethora of books, lectures, and videos telling singles who are 50 plus how to package their assets, develop a personal brand, leverage niche marketing, use direct mail and telemarketing to get the word out, establish a sweetheart-hunting budget, And hold quarterly performance reviews to assess the results.

Bewitched, bothered and really bewildered? Relax; it doesn’t have to be that complicated, unless you are vying for that MBA in Singles Marketing Theorem.  Go Thoreau and enjoy the process and simplify.

Picky, Picky, Picky. Online Dating Peccadilloes

So what has changed since the thrilling 1970’s? Today, there are dozens of studies analyzing every aspect of dating, online dating, speed dating and coping with being suddenly single. Analysis done at UC Berkeley indicates that when it come to online dating women, are pickier than men. Interesting.

It also sounds like the girls are a lot less flexible in their ‘preferences’ for age and ethnicity than the boys. Perhaps more girls are still subscribing to that old hunter-gatherer syndrome: men hunt – women wait – to be contacted. What’s up with that? Bon vivant, Ronnie Raven of Baltimore, says “Tell women it’s all a numbers game. And, you’ve got to get in the game or you don’t get to play.”  Game on? You will have more fun getting into the game than watching from the single solitary sidelines.

Are Men  More Open-minded?

Evidence also states that guys involved in the dating game, cast a wider net than women. Men generally have very few limits, or restrictions, when they are looking for their potential dates. As a rule, guys tend to “reach out and touch” more women – more often. Men are consistently labeled as being ‘visual’. Some say men get virtual whiplash from rapidly scanning photographs of women on Men are all about pictures. Dating guru, Dr Diana Kirschner, author of the best selling, Love in 90 Days, encourages women to register on, at least, two dating sites and to make the date quest a daily habit.

There is no remedy for love but to love more.” Henry David Thoreau

Avoid these 3  pitfalls and on line blunders:

1. The Big Hat and Sunglasses – never submit a photo of you enshrouded in a large hat and sunglasses. The photo screams, “I am hiding something – bad hair, no hair, tattoos, or evil squinty eyes or, my true age.”

2. Clichés are your enemy– avoid them – especially the very trite: ” Read my lips; I am man’s best friend; make my day; I want a meaningful relationship; no love lost; when you lie like a rug.” Please delete, “I love to laugh” Really? As opposed to, what? And side step the swirl of ‘I look great in designer jeans or a little black dress; tuxedo/jeans, and the egregious glass -half -empty cliché. Finally, the worst whine-line: “This is hard to write.” Listen, Binkie, you can do this.

3. Spell check is your friend – Are you really a ‘Gentile giant’? Or an ‘empty-half class girl’? Can you really look great in ‘a tuxedo and jeans,’ together?

Best Advice? Ease on into the dating game – make your own rules- respect the dynamic – one step at a time.

“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.” Thoreau

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