EHarmony: like the Titanic or kayak?
Veronica jumped on the EHarmony boat expecting a Crystal Cruise experience, replete with fascinating men, sparkling conversations, interesting destinations and a whole lot of fun.
She navigated through the rough waters of the horribly long application of questions, quizzes, and essays. Two hours later, she was ready to sail into the sunset with one of the 15,000 people who fill out the infamous questionnaire every day.
After she paid the boarding fee of $60 – a slow dribble of so-called ‘matches’ appeared in her mailbox. Like a kid on Christmas morning, she metaphorically ripped off the trappings of trivia: she scanned photos, checked for geographic closeness, education, marital status and interests. That first morning she came up with lumps of coal.
She knew what’s she liked…
She felt a man who paraded his ‘career and Harvard Law’ in the first sentence smacked of insecurity. She preferred a man with some religion-no Bible thumping; no Tea Party boys need apply. She was not interested in any Newts; Jerry Springer or Howard Stern types. The only Mitts she liked were worn by the SF Giants.
The guy who threw caution to the wind and wrote lurid poetry proved Sartre was right, “Hell is other people.”
Although she was ready to jump ship, Veronica decided to give EHarmony one month of her time. Dreams of ping-pong, shuffleboard, mai tais at sunset, walking hand-in-hand pervaded. She was not one to participate in Wet T-shirt or belly-flop pool contests and waterslide races.
Patiently, she watched as, day by day, EH sent one or two of the so-called perfect matches. Seriously? By the end of the experience she decided to leave the singles cruise on EHarmony – go ashore – stay there and happily sail away – and maybe rent a kayak.
Oh, ye of a little faith:
Mid-life Sites – 50 and up:
Tawdry and tacky:
The Quirky niche: