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Oscar the Grouch moved from Sesame Street to Match.com?

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Is your love life like a Sesame Street episode with grouches, monsters and frogs?

Our Salon, a group of kindred  Suddenly Single spirits, gets together to discuss love, life and the wide wonderful world of dating. At the last gathering, it dawned on us that the men we were dating were straight out of Central Casting from: Sesame Street.

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Cindy, who is sunny and sweet, was dating Charlie, who we all called ‘Oscar the Grouch’ because of his frequent dour moods.  His opening line on Match.com was,Don’t send any stupid winks, blinks – just write!”  (Red flag.)  Despite his wonderful season tickets to the opera and the ballet, Cindy finally admitted they were not a match. His gloomy moods and lack of energy (no hobbies/no exercise/reclusive) were an obvious dead end.

Breaking up:  The Next Step: One day, ‘Oscar’ presented her with a sleek, new iPhone 6. For months, Cindy had been seduced by all the iPhone 6 hype. Her mantra had been “iWant – iPhone.” Realistically, it didn’t take real strength of character to return the slim, sexy, shiny, new iphone and cease-and-desist with Oscar. She can buy her own phone. Happily.


Spelling Game says Help Me
ELMO:

For two weeks, Mindy, the paralegal, was exuberant about the cute new guy in her life, Rusty a gregarious redhead. We called him “Elmo,” because he was so sweet, and uncomplicated. What Mindy neglected to mention was Elmo didn’t have an ambitious bone in his body and had been unemployed for over three years. Evidently, with all his charm and connections, he couch-surfed” a lot, at different friend’s homes. Our little Elmo was charming and fun to be with, but rootless. Unbeknownst to most of us, he was hovering on the precipice of homelessness. When Mindy put two and two together, she extricated herself from Elmo- realizing it was also dead end unless she wanted to support him. She didn’t.


Dueling Dates: Bert and Ernie

Bert and Ernie were the affectionate names we gave to Sherry’s dueling dates. We all marveled that Sherry dated two men concurrently- on Match.com.  Both guys were sweet and sometimes available. The Bert guy flirted up a storm with Sherry – made major overtures and seemed great Turns out – he was opinionated, not great around people, but dedicated and very good to Sherry. He was generous, yet he was a very distant and aloof guy. Then there was the issue – Bert revealed he was not really quite ‘single’ – just on a trial separation…he said he was  “Testing the dating waters.”  She threw him overboard.

The Ernie character was like a puppy. He was outgoing, optimistic, convivial and always up for new experience. At first, Sherry was on Cloud 9. Ernie was newly divorced after a lengthy marriage and was exploring his new freedom and being Suddenly Single again.  Sherry began to see the “Kid in a candy store” mentality Ernie gleefully displayed. He wanted to date around and date a lot.

Sherry saw all the signs and bid Ernie happy trails.

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Luis is the “the man”

Realistically? Everywoman wants to date Luis – the first human to move on to Sesame Street – he is a dreamy dreamer – a handy man – who serenades with a guitar and can fix anything. And, he specializes in toaster repair. That’s hot. His bio says “He is a dreamer who follows his heart, and is also an aspiring writer. He sings, plays the guitar, and teaches people about Hispanic culture and language.”That’s cool.

The Salon agreed we had met princes, monsters, gentlemen and grouches. Hey, it takes a village.

So far: life is sweet for the Ladies of the Salon- and it was unanimous: no one wanted to live on Sesame Street…

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Who can’t relate to the idea of leaving one chapter behind and moving on to the next?

Mike Shinoda

Tell me your story: Page.larkin@gmail.com

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Last six guys she dated on Match: crooks or kooks?

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Rikki has had really bad luck on Match.com

Her last six dates were guys who were quirky, kooky and strange.  

One needed a loan, one was selling a bridge…
Pier Pressure

Rikki is a competitive swimmer. She belongs to the Real Bay Club, and the Polar Bear Swimming Clubas did her famous swimmer-grandmother before her.

Her “Grams” had some way-back-when wacky stories about the men she met while attempting the famous Alcatraz Swim. The family laughed and shook their heads when she mentioned some long distance swimmers clad in blue shirts and cotton pants. She was “a hoot.”

Her Match.com profile lists her swimming competitions, ribbons and trophies. Rikki said she is always on the look out for guys who also enjoyed swimming.

A Picture is worth a thousand words…

So far…she has met guys named Charlie the Wop, Vito, Tony Bananas, White Shark and Flipper.

Coincidentally, all the guys claim to be long distance swimmers. She has decide to throw in the towel…

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San Francisco dates: Uber Lyfts and Critical Mass

86c6d473f7731b47c906d7286f46417dDear Page Larkin,

I fell hard and fast for a woman I met on OKCupid. She’s the polar opposite of my “ideal woman.” I will admit I’m a Kardashian fan- and that is my “goal girl.” All of a sudden I am with a short, perky, redhead who thinks I’m “all that.” What do you think?

Head in the clouds

Dear Head in the clouds,

I think you’re very lucky to meet a woman who thinks you’re “all that.”

Peace and Love, Page

dead-end-777__180Dear Page,

I met a guy for a drink and he arrived on his bicycle  and was likable. We had a few things in common and were both comfortable with one another. We agreed to meet Saturday at the Disney Museum.  Friday night, I saw him on the TV news- he was the star the Critical Mass fiasco- he was hitting a car with his helmet. It was all over Facebook. I sent him a text canceling the date. Was I right?

Mary Marina

Dear Mary Marina,

You are 100% correct. You dodged a bullet.

Peace and love,

Page Larkin

Ms. Larkin,

I met a gal who said she was “in transportation.” I thought she was probably a stewardess. She suggested we meet for a drink in the now “hip” Tenderloin.

Okay, I agreed. She drove up with a pink mustache on her car. She’s a taxi driver by day and a bartender by night. What you think?

Old guy old ideas

Dear old guy old ideas,

I think you’re very lucky. She is an enterprising woman with a sense of adventure. Take your time and enjoy the ride. You may get an uber lyft…

Have fun,

Page Larkin

Dear Ms Page Larkin,

I’ve been on Match.com for over a year. I have spent a small fortune at Peets, Blue Bottle Coffee and Philz, on dead end first dates. Rarely do my dates go well: either she is way older, way heavier, or not interested. What am I doing wrong?

Trigger-happy

Dear Trigger-happy,

Slowdown, read between the lines and look hard and long at photos online. If the picture is date-stamped 2001-move on. If the picture is of the person standing behind a chair, a couch or a tree – you can assume they are hiding a multitude of sins.

Seriously, and most important before meeting anybody, speak on the phone. Talk with them, ask questions, converse. Is there easy rapport or an effort to get off the phone? Do you share the same interests or have background similarities? Slow down before you smell the coffee…

Cheers,

Page

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Do you have a Dating Dilemma and Question?

Tell me about it!

page.larkin@gmail.com

Dating 101: I’ll be watching you…and you…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThe Date Watchers were watching Charles D.

Every breath you take. Every move you make. Every bond you break. Every step you take. I’ll be watching you. Every single day. Every word you say…

In 2010, you could see Charles D. on Match.com, OKCupid, and Craigslist. He was a player. This guy was actively playing the field – many fields, actually. Good for him – online dating is really a very big numbers game.

Two of the Single-Again girls in “Date Watchers” decided to follow his lead.   A peripatetic poster on Craigslist -he would write a clever “Man looking for Women 50/60” ad about every two weeks.   The guy intrigued Allison and Linda. Two months earlier, Linda noticed him on Match.com. She sent him a flirty note and he didn’t respond. Now, some women say, “That’s rude!” And move on. However, Linda didn’t flinch – she moves on – and on.

Randomly, a couple of weeks later, she saw his picture on OKCupid- and a quick look at Craigslist- there he was again. Voila!

FACT: Craigslist is much more anonymous than any other site- so Linda responded to his witty Craig’s ad with a provocative response.   She flattered him by saying he must be absolutely deluged with responses to his post.   She added that she thought he was quite smart and commented that she thought the dating scene was fun and intoxicating and sometimes fleeting- like the bubbles and a glass of champagne.

He responded – quickly – and said “When it comes to the dating scene, I look for lively fun, entertaining and intoxicating, too. He went on to say, “I detect an air of sophistication, mystery and charm in you from a more classic era. And, may I add, a sense of provocativeness not commonly found in these contemporary times. I say you are arousing my curiosity.”

Okay, so the guy could write. 

The Date Watchers went back to Match.com to peek at his profile. By all indications, he had been on the site for many years. He was very discreet and mysterious with regard to career and any aspects of his life. And, then they grew bored.

Flash Forward

Yesterday, in a pique of boredom, the girls ‘googled’ Charles D and found that he’d written a best-selling book, had moved to Napa, was now married and working on a second book. After some very heavy lifting and research they hit pay dirt. And what was he writing about?   Charles D – with a nom de plume- (Boom Boom Labagh?) writes Erotica.

The Date Watchers might invite him to be the Guest-speaker at their June meeting at Bungalow 44

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“You can run- but, you can’t hide”

Check out: Women talk about dating, mating, men, shoes…

pumps-15Can we Talk? Oh, yes we can!

Women can reach a level of instant communication in line at Safeway or crossing the street at Union Square.

Needs no Introductions:

For many women – all it takes is four little words, like “I love your shoes.” These four little words from one woman to another can open a fleeting, 60-second, heart-to-heart conversation and then, bam! We’re on to the next totally, sincere, succinct conversation with another total stranger. It’s what we do.

Granted, conversations can be as deep as “Who does your hair?” or, “Your purse is open.”

Or we ask directions. As needed, all day long, we stop strangers for directions. On the Spanish Steps, across from St Peters, on Lombard Street or Rodeo Drive – we talk.

We ask questions, chat, exchange very personal information and we ask for help. (Sara D, lost and driving a rental car in Washington DC, asked a taxi driver to lead her out of our nation’s capital. She didn’t want to waste time on using silly old GPS or MapQuest. She simply paid the cabbie – no fuss no muss. Done!

Our motto is, “When in doubt, ask questions.” It is part of the Female DNA.

Are We Dating the Same Man?

While volunteering at the San Francisco Film Festival, I had a coffee break with Janie. Five minutes into our break, we discovered we had dated the same Lothario. (Note to Men: dozens of single women volunteer at film festivals, Litquake, special events. We talk.)

She said, she said

It turned out, last year we had both been on Match.com. She started to warn me about Philip-the-millionaire-chef. I told her I, too, had dated “Chef,” for two months before he announced to he was off to Kenya for safari and would be back in awhile. Never heard from him again. No loss, no magic.

After their first five dates, Chef called Janie to say he was going helicopter skiing in Gstadd and would be back in two months. She never heard from him again. Curious, she Googled the guy.

The truth will set you fretting

She discovered the flamboyant, San Francisco native, a true social butterfly, left not-a-trace- despite elaborate stories about his famous family. Not a clue could be found. She spent hours Googling, researching, attempting to track down Chef – he had disappeared into the Ethernet.

The Chef disappeared – until he didn’t and he was back on Match.com

Janie, of too-much-time-on-her-hands, unlimited funds and insatiable curiosity, actually hired a private detective to find “Chef.” She was stunned to learn “Chef “was a Tenderloin tenant, not a Nob Hill resident; more of a transient than a chef extraordinaire and he was a weaver of web lies.

I had moved on and was in a delightful romance with a ‘Tango Dancer, English Major, Plein Air Painter’ from Albany who earned his keep ghostwriting biographies for jilted politician’s wives. He was making a killing.

Janie felt it was her duty to warn other women about “Chef, the weaver of lies.” It’s what we do.

Women talk. And the world is a better place for it.feminism-295245__180 Tal, talk ltalk___180

New member of the “Not Married Now” club?

coffee-mugs-datte_180Every day there are tons of new members in the Not Married Now Club.

We walk out of the courtroom glazed, delighted, defeated, feeling numb or ecstatic and newly appointed: divorced.

Some of us throw a party – replete with champagne and pizza – or darts and beer. Others take to their beds, and watch a full season of OccupiedBroadchurch, or Happy Valley on Netflix, barely paying attention.

Some are already enmeshed in a new relationship and seek sex, refuge and understanding.

Whatever your state (grace, confusion, ire, relief) take the proper amount of processing time.

When you are ready, gently remove and discard the shroud around your heart. It may take awhile. Or not.

Next, shred the mountains of documents and go outside.

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Go Outside:  Watch the sunrise, take a walk, enjoy/join humanity in your new identity as a Single Person : Suddenly Single Not Married Now. Free at last.

Feeling odd and out of sorts or splendid?

Take your time to return to a social whirlwind or even to a small gust of activity. Even though 50% of us have walked through the valley of divorce, like snowflakes: no two are alike.

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My friend once confided that her neighbor was going to the exact same divorce scenario as I had endured. Really?

She pleaded for me to consult with her neighbor. I reluctantly agreed – we spoke on the phone-indeed, there were a striking number of similarities.

Girls, we aim to please – it is what we do. (Oprah calls it as “The Disease to Please) I agreed to meet Jaquie for coffee.

She had six months of divorce filings, co-parenting, and attorney meetings under her belt. Evidently, I was considered “An Expert Witness” with years worth of E-Ticket divorce-land experience.

Snowflakes

She came to the coffee shop with her boyfriend, Clive, whose picture I had just seen on Match.com.

He stayed just a minute, said he was, “Going to pop out and go shopping.” Yes, he did shop around.

Jaquie and I fell into an easy conversation as similar as we were – we were worlds apart.

She’s been married for 9.75 years and her father-in-law was a multi-millionaire. He had invented Post-it notes or glue 0r something very significant.

She reported she had huge financial resources and that she might go back to school and become a pastry chef. She and Clive had been together for three months and she was quite smitten.

(I checked later that day, Clever Clive was alive and looking on Match.com) Red flag, sweetheart!

The more we spoke, the quicker the similarities evaporated. Our differences expanded like those skinny sponges – simply add water and, bingo! You don’t even recognize the original, flat concept. She was on her own path. Ta, ta!

Keep your divorce to yourself

Good friends may inquire about your divorce. There is no reason to bore them with the details. So, hire a therapist. Level with your therapist. Take a spinning class – do all kinds of catharsis, but don’t bore your friends and family.

Welcome to The Club

And know: when you walk into the store, the library, or the post office: 50% of the people in line are also divorced… and that group at Starbucks, and that class you are taking? Yep, truth be told: 50%.

Carpe diem, darlin. Welcome to the club, You are not alone,fireweolslsls

 

Learn the ropes of Internet Dating at the next

“Page Larkin- Get Your Dating Mojo Moving” Workship

page.larkin@gmail.com

Dating 101: Online Scams – all the same?

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Dating 101: How to spot an online Dating Scam 

Cre8tive Cathy is a Match.com neophyte. After reading Love in 90 Days (love in 90days.comby Dr Diane Kirschner she eagerly signed up for a “Top US Online Dating Site.”

She writes she as been inundated by phony emails like this one from Faux Fred. A quick study, she says spammers and scammers all do the same things. The first clue is the plethora of choppy, nonsensical, sentences in broken English. Spelling and punctuation errors are rampant. Finally, scammers  always want to get off the dating site and urge contact via email – spelled out to go un-noticed by the Match.com police.

 Can you spot the scam artist bait?

Clue: Faux Fred is looking for someone “stubborn, sarcastic, funny, quirky, maybe a little odd in her own special way.” A true jock, he writes: “i enjoy having fun moment, skiing and golfing.” Really?

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Hello Pretty,

 I must confess your profile pix and the way your carefully outlined your profile out is another thing that has given me the boost to want to talk to you and perhaps meet with you,few things you should know about me…My names are Fred Antonio…I have been on match.com for few days now and have been reading your profile over and over again. And i think we have some things in Common. I am a single Dad for 7years now, I am 60 years old… I am young at heart with fun, dreams and a big heart… as easy to get along with as you’ll find.

I always try to bring mindfulness and awareness to my existence,i enjoy having fun moment, skiing and golfing.swimming is what i do for my daily exercise when it’s warm.

 Intelligence is definitely attractive, but being TOO serious about everything is a TURN OFF. I am looking for someone intelligent, stubborn, sarcastic, funny, quirky, maybe a little odd in her own special way lol with a great sense of humor and a glass half full philosophy on life.

 You know a journey of a thousand miles always begins with a step and what is Life without a smile from a dearest woman?

What can be better than to give your love and tenderness to your beloved woman?we do not know what is waiting for us tommorrow,but i know exactly that i will be waiting for your next letter to get to know you much better.

***I hardly check my match.com account and probably will be off there soon

so i will like us to communicate via personal email if you don’t mind ***so we can get to know each other more better. email me on my personal email: fredtonio (AT) HOTMAIL DOT COM

so i can email you and tell you more about my self, my job, and send you more pictures of me and see where it goes from there.

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Fred, Fredricka, Francine, Michale and Johnn – you name it – are all on leading dating sites – looking for you! Be careful out there.

LOOK Here for the Top 11 Internet SCAMS

Top 5 Tips: Get your mojo moving on Match.com

photo_1799_20060717The man of the hour, Chad, was disenchanted. He thought women were merely “Window-shopping online” and not into getting to know, meet, talk or flirt with other attractive singles.

            “I love to flirt, and I’ve never met a man I didn’t like.” Dolly Parton

 Here are 5 Tips to get your dating mojo moving:

  1. Reach out and touch someone:  Every day, check-in and play the game.It all dates back to awkward Teen Dances where the girls were told they had to wait to be asked to dance. Good little girls waited by the wall…others went to the dance floor and danced the night away- happily. Boys and girls: no standing by at the wall – send a one-line note to three men/women every night – it doesn’t hurt.

  1. Date your own decade

Yes, 30-year-olds are hot. And, you think you are, too. Fact: You are their parent’s age. No one wants to date his or her dear old dad or his or her grandfather. Date your decade. You’ll have a lot more fun.

  1. Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated

So John/Martha sends you a “note.” They’re not your perfect match…so what do you do? Ignore them? No – simply write a quick note saying ‘Thank you for your interest, we are not a match and best of luck in the dating game.” Good karma points.

4. Please delete the grumpy old man/woman routine: Do not write this:

  • “Fair is fair! I posted my correct age and height, weight, you should too!”
  •   “Please post your accurate age, weight, height, income, and religious beliefs.”hearts

5. Reality check: What are the chances an intelligent grown up is going to post their income, their accurate age/ height/ weight/ religious truths to hundreds, nay, thousands of total strangers? Can you spell “Ballpark?”

Why would anyone post his or her actual income on a public site?

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Finally,  That professional, four-year-old photo from the company brochure is “dated.” Delete it and post a current photo today. Only you can update your profile, Binkie. 

                     I know: Radical concepts flying in the face of Matchmaking.

Someone had to say it.

 Cheers!

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Just Divorced: Dating like it was 1977

sad-manDating at 60…after a 35 year hiatus (aka marriage)

Roger (62, newly divorced -suddenly single) was very excited to go on his first date. His last ‘first-date’ was 35 years earlier. Then came marriage, the baby carriage and bam! Three decades later: the divorce. He was now a self-professed ‘swinging single’…did they still call it that?

His new matchmaker of choice, Match.com sent him a bevy of beauties they labeled as “Perfect matches.” Each woman looked young, seemed energetic and possibly good company.  All the women were 10-20 years his junior. He went to great lengths to align himself to a “newer model.”

He was feeling confident. He got bought designer jeans, pulled his old leather jacket out of the closet, threw away his Grandpa sweaters and got a couple new shirts at Ross. He was looking good -not a buff jock; he was fit – kind of. And he was witty- yes, he was clever. His married hiking buddies said he would “score” and they wanted the details.

He considered himself tall (over 5’9 in Dansko clogs) and a pretty good dancer. He and his soon-to-be ex-wife  had a repertoire of two dances: one Fast (kind of The Twist meets The Jerk, with a dash of West Coast Swing – it had served him well for decades) and the Waltz. Women love men who dance – he had read that.

In the beginning…

Peet’s on Fourth Street in Berkeley is a haven for first dates. His buddy, John-divorced twice, had advised him to arrive early and score a table. Roger arrived in his new jeans, old leather jacket – excited, nervous and with dry mouth.

He wondered if he should have prepared a set of questions to ask Lidia (49, Albany, 5’4, runner, baker-biker chick.)  She arrived at the table smiling, introduced herself, gave Roger a hug and sat down. She was much prettier than her picture. She was wearing running shorts and a T-shirt. Roger was visibly nervous – her confidence, and attire and ease made him even more uncomfortable.

The opening question has asked every new client, “What brings you here?” popped out of his mouth and he almost fainted when he heard himself.

She laughed and he wasn’t sure if she was laughing at him or his stupid question. He faked a laugh – and said, “I sound like an attorney – sorry.” She was gracious, did not want to a cup a coffee, and actually, only had a few minutes- something came up – she had to go.

Within five minutes, he met a beautiful woman, who stayed long enough to say “Hello” and disappear forever. So this was “Dating 2014”

Three Strikes – Yer Out!

Roger had two more dates that week. He wasn’t quite as glib as he thought he was. He couldn’t stop talking and he was boring himself. Both dates ended with someone saying “Nice to meet you – good luck – good bye.”

One afternoon, he met a very attractive women-15 years his junior-in snug, low-cut, yoga clothes and his mouth went dry in his mind went blank. She seemed bored and also remembered another engagement and dashed off.

His last date was with a “Tiger Lilly”a petite blonde from Dogpatch. Her real name “Cyndi-with-an-i” was eager to meet at La Boulange on Polk Street. She barely resembled her online photograph – she, obviously, had gained considerable weight and age and reeked of cigarettes. After a few minutes of small talk – Roger nervously excused himself and claimed he had to pick up his kids (they were both on the East coast and over 25, actually.) He was ready to throw in the dating towel.

This dating thing was harder than he thought. He went to Amazon.com and bought four books in the Dating for Dummies vein and studied.

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Next: How many “First Dates”  can a person suffer through?

Déjà Vu – are all Bay Area single men alike?

cropped-photo_378_20051108-1.jpgWho says all the single guys 50+ in Nor Cal are alike?

 Kitty (57, Napa girl, RN, Pastels painter, Zinfandel fan, Scorpio) has been suddenly-single-again, for three years. Not one to waste time- she dabbled in a half-dozen dating sites including: Ourtime, the Right Stuff, JDate, Match.com – and by big mistake, Adult Friend seeker. (Note: avoid any site with the word “Adult” in the title.)

In the beginning, Kitty surmised there were only 5 Types of Single Men:

  1. I’m So Cool and Single: Perpetually playing the field – for decades.
  2. Recently Widowed: Deer in the headlights: seeking a nurse or a purse.
  3. Recently Divorced: Hungry and hunting – not Good-will-hunting. Dating around and getting horizontal and bed hopping was a major goal.
  4. Kind of Separated: A married man –a wanna be playboy – playing the field and claimed to be doing research. His wife didn’t understand him.
  5. Desperately Divorced – cannot adjust to being single and needs someone to cook, clean, iron his socks, and hand him the remote control.

Here Kitty…

 However, after three “Get Your Dating Mojo Moving” sessions – we amped up her profile and her pictures (no Selfies, please) and Kitty agreed to take off her cynical shroud and get in the dating game. It is all about attitude.

Turn On Your Filter

 Once cynical and very pessimistic, Kitty met a plethora of playboys and dead-end dates. Why? Perhaps her filtering system was on “low.” She had low expectations and took low-to-minimal time getting to know a date prior to their first meeting. We addressed the importance of taking the time to talk to your potential date. (At 57, Tinder/aka Hook ups Anonymous is not your friend.)

Initial phone calls and emails may not be the Holy Grail – however, they reveal a lot about a person. Asking questions and conversing with a total stranger should last way more than ten minutes.

Ask questions, talk on the phone, email one another a few times. Don’t get caught up in a morass of emails. Remember, jumping to conclusions and blithely dating –anyone- can be a waste of time, money, and tough on the self-esteem.

Be patient and have fun out there.

 

“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.”

                                             John Quincy Adams

 

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Suddenly SIngle and Perplexed by this New Chapter?
Want to know more about Page Larkin “Get Your Dating Mojo Moving” sessions?
Drop me a line at page.larkin@gmail.com
 

 

 

 

 

 

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