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Archive for the tag “Flirting tips”

Playing with a full deck of Flirting cards?

Are you playing with a full deck ?

New flirting cards flying across tables everywhere.

Burt T. was sipping a latte at Cafe Trieste in North Beach, finishing the New York Times crossword puzzle, when it happened.

The cute, brunette from across the room, walked up to his table and handed him a card. She smiled, turned, and walked out of the bustling café.

The glossy black card said, “Notification of Attraction: I find you attractive” He turned the card over and found a phone number scribbled in pink ink and the following, “In order to speed things up, I decided to Flirt Wildly with this card. I will be here tomorrow at 10 am – be here- or call me- if you desire further contact. I’m feeling lucky – here is my phone number. Member of the Flirt Wildly Committee.”

Flirt Wildly with a Card?

Once upon a time, the most generic way to flirt with another person involved one of the following: a wink, a smile, or a verbal greeting consisting of (choose one) A) Hey. B) Is this seat taken? C) How are you? D) Haven’t I seen you here before?  E) What are you reading?  F) I’d like to get to know you.    Yes, they were tried and true – a little predictable and effective.

Flirting 101 is as simple and easy as a smile, an attentive gaze, a gentle touch. It’s subtle and says, “I find you attractive.” Usually props are not required. Both men and women have been known to drop their business card off to a potential date with a quick, “I hope you’ll call me.” Yes, visions of George Clooney in “Up in the Air” do come to mind.

Step Two Flirting for women involves playing with a strand of hair, licking of lips, smiling, leaning in to a conversation and talking, laughing, and lots of eye contact. No cards required. Just a stream of verbs and nouns linked together. Since Eve, this technique has proved to be very powerful.

Flirting Cards – by any other name – have been around for years.

Some love them and others call it the “chicken” way out.  Burt T. says he sees women in San Francisco ‘dealing cards’ – handing out cards to attractive people – and it looks promising. Plus!  He has a date with a cute brunette.

Get in the Game:

If you have had too much ‘Old Maid’ or ‘Solitaire’, amp up the flirting and get back in the game. Cards Optional. Your deal.



All the Single Girls on Valentines Day

All the single girls!

On Valentine’s Day, all the single girls celebrate life, wear red, send Valentines cards and wishes to pals, friends, beaus, wanna be beaus, and embrace all that is well in their world.

Jennifer broke up with Michael on February 10th. Her roommate said, “Oh, no! Now you’ll be alone on Valentine’s Day!”

Jennifer replied, “I would rather spend the day alone than spend one more minute with that jerk. He was the most immature, self-centered, handsome, rich, loser I’ve ever dated. I am totally ready to meet somebody new!”

When asked what she was doing on February 14,Georgia replied she was going to her favorite yoga class,  then going out for Chai and Chat with a bunch of her friends from class. She was happy.

Lynne has very hot, red boots that she dons every “Feb 1-4.”And she wears a short black skirt over silky red blouse, just because. She loves chocolate, flowers, Valentines, and shares all of the above with friends and close office mates. She organizes the “Feb 1-4 Cocktails” after-work gathering every year. Everyone must wear red.

Kimi, on the other hand,single again and perpetually on the prowl, professes Happy Hour on Valentine’s Day is the best day to score free kisses. Unfortunately, years ago, she was cute and boys liked her…divorces and time can take a toll. A 20- something asking for a kiss versus a 40-something asking for a kiss is light-years apart. Cougar is a good descriptor. Poor Kimi.

Gayle (39 again)opines that all the good ones are taken and there are no good men.Frankly, she’d rather binge on The Last Kingdom on Netflix with her two good friends: Ben and Jerry.

Anne met Ted in an elevatorand they chatted for 50 floors and spontaneously agreed to have a drink. They clicked. She loved the whole, tall, dark, handsome thing with the great suit that he had going on. Bonus: no wedding ring. He found her very alluring and available. Well into their third drink, he admitted that he had a wife at home. Things were not that great. Their marriage was rocky. He said he was unhappy.

She backed off prontito.

As he walked her to her car, they held hands, he kissed her good night. Several times. She couldn’t help herself: she was smitten. Devil may care.

The story goes-he called her two weeks later-they met for drinks on Nob Hill just to talk. One thing led to another and they have had infrequent trysts for two years. She waits for his calls.

Anne’s new therapist told her she was wasting time and sexy energy on a dead-end-dude. All the time she was waiting by the phone, she could be madly in love / lust with a single, available man with no strings and a lot of integrity. It was a lightbulb moment. Anne’s friend had criticized her and advised her. It all fell on deaf ears. That one appointment was a turning point. Anne dropped Ted like a ton of bricks.

Yes, she admitted to being depressed, alone and lonely. She also felt ready to think about The Real Thing. And was open to meeting her Dream Guy.

Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.

Oscar Wilde

Flirting with random acts of kindess – oh, yeah!

“All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness, and others by sense”.


George– a real flirt – He is known to  buys bags of Hershey Kisses and says he drops one or two off on tables of interesting women at the library, Peet’s or various cafes- when he is strolling through. George is famous for giving away free kisses and smiles.

Parking Karma Katie always has a pocket of quarters and when she sees the army of parking meter mavens in attack mode, she kindly puts a couple of quarters in each expired meter. Sweet!

Before breakfast, my pal Troyer, always buys two San Francisco Chronicles. He reads one and offers a second copy to any attractive single woman in one of the three cafés he frequents each week. He’s famous for this. Some women love to see a newspaper….others are confused.

Coffee, tea or me? After a month, three times a week, of handing a double latte, to her “Favorite, cute customer with no wedding ring and a ready smile”- Peggy wrote her phone number on the sleeve of his coffee cup.  It worked! They have been dating ever since.

Troyer in San Jose is famous for the “I thought you two were sisters” comment to the mothers of the women he dates. Believe it or not, mothers-of an age- loves this. Big Points.

Eye Contact Eileen in South San Francisco writes that she looks at man, catches his eye and turns away. She looks back and smiles. She says it works every time. Eye contact is an icebreaker and a romantic catalyst.

Mark, the dapper crossing guard on Geary Boulevard, tells most every woman he sees she looks “lovely this morning, ma’am.” Women actually cross the street just to talk to Edward.

Rusty, the flirting waiter at Rigolo in Laurel Village, greets and kids around with every female customer who comes to the small cafe. He is always ready with a compliment and a smile. Needless to say, he’s a very popular guy.

Valerie, the tall redhead at the checkout clerk at the Marina Safeway, a polyglot, greets customers in their respective homeland lingo. People love this and make a beeline to her line. To say she is admired – only begins to describe her life.

Love Story at 80 In The City

Most mornings you can see Henry and Barbara, holding hands, walking up and down the streets in Presidio Heights. He wears a Cal baseball cap and she wears a red Stanford hat. The two octogenarians talk and laugh and Henry frequently picks up newspapers and tosses them up to neighbor’s front doors. The two exude an affection and attraction that most aspire to. Some think it’s good luck to see this darling devoted couple.

All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness, and others by sense”. Rochefoucauld

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at


You MAE go WEST, young man

The Best: Mae West Quotes

Mae West was witty, ribald, risque and naughty. She was also very smart.

A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.

  • A hard man is good to find.
  • A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that’s subtraction.
  • A man in the house is worth two in the street.

A man’s kiss is his signature.

A woman in love can’t be reasonable – or she probably wouldn’t be in love.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,   but with somebody else.

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.

Any time you got nothing to do – and lots of time to do it – come on up.

Any time you’ve got nothing to do and lots of time to do it come on up.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won’t be avoided.

Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.

Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.

Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.

  • Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.

  • He who hesitates… is a damned fool.

I always say, keep a diary and someday it’ll keep you.

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

I believe that it’s better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.

I didn’t discover curves; I only uncovered them.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.

I like a man who’s good, but not too good – for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.

I like restraint, if it doesn’t go too far.


Feeling alone together?


“I never said, ‘I want to be alone.’ I only said, ‘I want to be left alone.’ There is all the difference.”Greta Garbo

The Ditch The Dude Letters

Dear Page Larkin,

I’m dating a guy who claims he loves me- but he is busy every weekend with the boys. I see him once a week, Wednesday nights, when he comes over for dinner. What shall I do?

All Alone in Alamo

Dear All Alone in Alamo,

Ditch the dude. If he really “loved” you, he would make time to see you early and often.

Love, Page.

Hey, Page,

I am madly in love with Mr Wonderful; he is tall, dark and handsome. He is also very romantic and sweet. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have a job and is couch-surfing at various friend’s homes. He has invented an iPhone holder and a hat with an iPod sleeve which could make him very rich. We are weekend lovers and I don’t hear from him all week. What shall I do?    Crazy in love

Dear Crazy in Love,

Being in love is intoxicating and exciting. However, sometimes clear thinking becomes muddled. You have enough red flags in this relationship to made red dresses for an entire army of Flamenco dancers. Ditch the dude.

Love, Page

Dear Page,

I was so darn tired of the online dating scene, I signed up for the Wine Country Matchmaker. I paid $3000 for three months and was told I would get a lot of high quality “perfect matches.” I met two guys. Both were dead ends. Then I met, Charly. He has a job, owns his home, is nice enough – but, he had five cats. He loves his cats and talks about them, and takes pictures of them, all the time. I hate cats. Unless all five die soon, I might quit him. Not a Cra Cat Lady.

Dear Not A Cra Cat Lady,

The infamous Wine Country Matchmaker you mentioned has been called ‘shady’ and worse, by many. Get your money back. Regarding the Cat man: Meow. Ditch the Dude. Love, Page 


Put on your running shoes!


Are you a 2-Timer? Do you Rate a Second Date?

golden-gate-bridge-691925__180We all do it. We wonder, mull, ponder and dwell on it.

We dissect our dates and thoroughly analyze them. Every minute

 Eve is probably the only woman in history who didn’t worry about the competition.

Are  you bewitched, bothered and bewildered wondering if  the first date went well and if he will ask you out again? Do an instant replay.

While a scorecard isn’t necessary, there are some very definite clues.

Here they are: The Top 10 Reasons He Will Ask You Out Again

1. You look exactly like your current, up to date, photographs and he says, “Your pictures don’t do you justice”.

2. You offered to pay half – you are obviously thoughtful and evolved.

3. You both laughed and share a similar sense of humor. Obvious comfort level established.

4. You had one drink – and so did he. Both on very good behavior. Major points.

5. You both passed the Chemistry test with blinking, winking, flashing, flying colors.

6. You each complimented one another during the course of the first date.

7. You enjoyed his company and there was a palpable sense of chemistry.

8. You have a lot in common and like similar things: the Giants, foreign movies, Golden State Warriors, Curry: Steph and other;  Gaudi, chocolate, Blue Bottle Coffee, Camera Obscura…

9. You each have an amusing Internet dating story and refrained from ex-bashing or negative anecdotes.

10. Foregone Conclusion: You both had fun and were relaxed and are looking forward to the next date.


How is that working for you?

Get out there and have fun


Flirting 101: Winking – a failure since the cavemen

Ugh – don’t wink at me!

Thor, the biggest, bravest caveman, never met a Pterodactyl he couldn’t fly.

He was the top Pterodactyl tamer in the village. His spear-chucking expertise made him famous in many circles. He had a ton of male, spear-chucking, dinosaur-chasing buddies. They would sit around the fire at night grunting, nodding, slapping their chests and howling at the moon. Their buddy, Krug, was dabbling with fermented grapes – the men gobbled up the one he called, “Cab.”

Meanwhile, cave-women were weaving reeds, painting cave walls with hieroglyphs, designing and sewing skins into clothes for the kids and bikini loincloths and sexy crop tops, bustiers, and halter tops for themselves.

In the olden days, when a caveman saw a woman he liked-he tapped her on the head with a kind of balsa wood baton – more symbolic than hurtful- and she was “his.” That was so mid-century.

The new cohort of women were much more romantic and wanted to be “wooed,” and sought after.   They longed for active flirtation and heart-fluttering, smoldering stares across the fire pit.


Thou Shalt Not “Wink”

Thulk, not the sharpest stone in the basket “winked” at the cave-girls. One day, Thor saw Thulk – winking, blinking, and nodding. The guy looked like he was having a seizure.

Thor, the cool caveman pal, pulled the Neanderthal aside and told him, “Dude, ix-nay with the ink-way.”

Old School Flirting is so Troglodyte

He taught Thulk the art of flirtation: including the lingering smile, a soft growling grunt (Grrr) and the importance of small gifts.

Cave-girls loved gifts– especially bouquets of flowers, tanned skins, baskets of fruits, bright shiny stones, leather bags with matching leather foot-covers.

Thulk gradually morphed into a real bon vivant kind of a guy. His social graces developed and he became legendary in his pursuits and prowess.

For aeons, that was the demise of “Winking.”

Rumor has it, Studs Lonigan the sought-after, dashing, man-about-town re-introduced  “The Wink” in the last  decade.

You either love it – or you hate it. Mr Lonigan claims 50% of all women love a “wink” – online or on the street.

He says, the bigger challenge is distinguishing which 50% are enchanted by his charm and chivalry.

Winking: Do you love it or hate it?

Tell me:



It isn’t what I do, but how I do it. It isn’t what I say,

but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

Mae West

Your cheating heart: monogamy vs monotony?

photo_11785_20090615peacockWhen we left her, our heroine, Monica, had just ditched Mr. Polyamorous 

(Come on! I want to date you – and, you – and you)  and was moving on.

   The Date Watchers were discussing cheating, “sharing” and polyamory. They concluded they were all much more Pollyanna than Polyamory.

What happened to Pollyanna?

A week after checking the “Opt Out” box with Mr. Ménage a Many, she was on the elevator at the 450 Sutter Medical Building and ran into an old (50-something) college friend, a dentist, widowed a year before, and a ballroom dance aficionado. From the 24th floor to the lobby they chatted, laughed and agreed to go dancing and now, they are making beautiful music together. It happens.

Mad About You…and You… and You

Monica, 55, (the ink on the divorce papers was barely dry) had to chime in with her tale of “Whoa.” She recently signed up on two online dating sites. Smiling like a Cheshire cat, she said she been blissfully dating – multiple men. She was like a kid in a candy store. She bragged she was making up for lost time.

The other women listened as Monica regaled them with her tales from the crib. Thirty dates in thirty days sounded impressive and exhausting. Would a diabetic coma follow her sweet overload?

Two of the women agreed they experienced that same the same post-divorce-euphoria, to a lesser degree. The consensus was that hyperactive, Monica should slow down and smell the flowers, instead of mowing them down. She was the classic too much, too soon, too fast, fey divorcee.

Monica said she was upfront with each of the three men she was dating. The first guy said, “Hasta la vista, baby,” and walked out; Number Two wanted to woo Monica and was willing to stay in the game; Number Three said “…give me a call when you’re done experimenting.”

Can You Spell STD?drinx

The wine continued to flow, as did the opinions. Yes, of course, all agreed life is short, however they also encouraged Monica to slow down, take precautions, get tested, and focus on quality, not quantity.

Lynne, the wise said, “Monica, sweetie, you’ve got ADD. You have all the classic symptoms of Affection Deficit Disorder. It’s been a long time since you have had any action; all of this serial dating is just frothy, light and fun. Get it out of your system and then get real.”

The women raised their glasses in unison and said, “Here’s to those who love us, and here’s to those who don’t, a smile for those who are willing to, and a tear for those who won’t.”

Monica, of the ‘get in the last word’ countered with,

Remember what Mae West said,” Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!”

Cheers.photo_7840_20081106(1)love small

Best advice for online dating: Keep it simple, sweetie

Bronze buddah in the parkKISS: Your Dating Profile

Whether you are on your virgin voyage – writing your very first online dating profile – or re-writing it for the tenth time,

avoid TMI  (too much information.)

  Leave something up to the reader’s imagination.

Coy and cute is far superior to a barrage of cold, hard facts linked together like a shopping list. Okay, so you are proud of your car, career, cats, kids, kayaking prowess, philately or church choir debut. Merely listing these attributes or accomplishments is dull times three.

And, yes, it’s great your kid just graduated from an Ivy League school – however, all that bragging about your offspring (a la Pimp My Kid) might just as well be mentioned later. Every day, there is a new parade of hopeful romantics who sign up for Match, JDate, and Perfect Match and Plenty of Fish – your goal: grab attention, quietly.

Don’t try this at home

Remember: quirky isn’t cute; it’s been done and it’s a bore. The 2001 photograph of you dressed as a French maid or peeking over feather duster may garner the wrong kind of attention. And, writing your profile – from your dog’s point of view – may have been funny for a sixth-grade assignment, but not at this juncture.

Bragging about your myriad accomplishments – medals, trophies, and clubs? Slow down and wait on that. Finally, thinking about blasting or attacking your evil Ex?  Fuggedaboutit. No one wants to hear about your divorce – or your colonoscopy. Seriously.

It’s all about you.

Take the time to look at what other people your age are writing. Review the profiles of people your own age.  Check out the competition. Some dating profiles will inspire, others will bore, and some may spark your attention. It’s called ‘comparative shopping,’ and it works.

So, bravo for you – and have fun as you navigate the waters of the dating pool.

“I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.” — Mae West

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column — click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.

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All Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner articles © 2012 by Page Larkin; reposts permitted


Don’t you dare wink at me, buster! Rants for romance

Rants for Romance?

Singles  speak out

This week brings questions about winking, blinking and getting along. Send your “Single at 50” queries to


Dear Page,
I am 52, divorced for six years, and new to online dating. I did everything you said (posted a recent photo, wrote my profile, and enrolled in two different dating sites) and all I get are “winks.”

You said winks at the lowest form of communication, you’re right! Tell men everywhere women hate winks. Don’t send me a stupid icon without a single word – to me that means you can even write a sentence – it means I am just one of 30 women you’re casting about hoping to a hook a sucker.
My advice: just write one lousy sentence; there, I feel better!
Linda in Las Vegas

Dear Linda in Las Vegas,
Thanks for voicing the opinion of many of us. Every week, I get tweets, texts, and lengthy e-mails echoing your same sentiment. Point well taken.

See: Page Larkin’s That’s rude! Dating Etiquette
Peace and love, Page

Dear Page Larkin,
I met a wonderful guy on Eharmony two months ago. We exchanged e-mails for two weeks before he agreed to speak on the phone to confirm our coffee date. Before our date, I Googled him and found him to be “as advertised.” We met at the Ferry Building, walked around for an hour and took the Sausalito ferry.  We had lunch, split the bill; we walked and talked for two more hours and returned to SF. He kissed me goodbye and I never heard from him again.  I e-mailed him once, no response. Was it me?
Down and Out in Danville

Dear Down and out in Danville,
You failed to mention if there was chemistry, heat, or mutual attraction. Manners dictate that a person thank the other for the date – there is an unwritten “law” that – after a first date- two people make plans for future date or bow out, with a polite “It was nice meeting you, we are not at match.” Move on – it wasn’t meant to be.
Peace and love, Page

Hey, Larkin,
I sent out 25 e-mails on and not one woman responded.
My message was cute and flirty and I thought it was really good. What’s up with women today? Is everyone stuck up?
Ronnie in the Marina

Hey Ronnie in the Marina
Remember: spell check is your best friend. Take the time to write a message that is coherent, interesting, and logical. Sometimes our efforts to be clever and sarcastic can be misconstrued. Try, try again.
Peace and love, Page

Dear Page,
My feelings are hurt. I enthusiastically signed up for the seven-day free trial. No one writes back to me!  I am a Georgia peach: 56, 5’6. athletic, smart, cute and fun. I sent out 30 “winks” to all the cutest guys within 50-miles of Atlanta. Not one man responded. Help!
Ashley at Tara

Dear Ashley at Tara,
Good for you for getting out there and trying.
Let’s recalibrate: erase all thoughts of “winking” at men. (See above) It’s a lost cause looked down upon by thousands.
First, create a short introduction linking you to an attractive man:  “I enjoyed reading your profile; especially the comment about… We both like… Please read my profile and if anything resonates, please get back to me. Thanks.
Try that approach –  as opposed to winking.  Wait and see- how it works, do  get back to me and report.  Read : How Rude!     Good luck, Page


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