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Archive for the tag “Flirting tips”

Feeling alone together?

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“I never said, ‘I want to be alone.’ I only said, ‘I want to be left alone.’ There is all the difference.”Greta Garbo

The Ditch The Dude Letters

Dear Page Larkin,

I’m dating a guy who claims he loves me- but he is busy every weekend with the boys. I see him once a week, Wednesday nights, when he comes over for dinner. What shall I do?

All Alone in Alamo

Dear All Alone in Alamo,

Ditch the dude. If he really “loved” you, he would make time to see you early and often.

Love, Page.

Hey, Page,

I am madly in love with Mr Wonderful; he is tall, dark and handsome. He is also very romantic and sweet. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have a job and is couch-surfing at various friend’s homes. He has invented an iPhone holder and a hat with an iPod sleeve which could make him very rich. We are weekend lovers and I don’t hear from him all week. What shall I do?    Crazy in love

Dear Crazy in Love,

Being in love is intoxicating and exciting. However, sometimes clear thinking becomes muddled. You have enough red flags in this relationship to made red dresses for an entire army of Flamenco dancers. Ditch the dude.

Love, Page

Dear Page,

I was so darn tired of the online dating scene, I signed up for the Wine Country Matchmaker. I paid $3000 for three months and was told I would get a lot of high quality “perfect matches.” I met two guys. Both were dead ends. Then I met, Charly. He has a job, owns his home, is nice enough – but, he had five cats. He loves his cats and talks about them, and takes pictures of them, all the time. I hate cats. Unless all five die soon, I might quit him. Not a Cra Cat Lady.

Dear Not A Cra Cat Lady,

The infamous Wine Country Matchmaker you mentioned has been called ‘shady’ and worse, by many. Get your money back. Regarding the Cat man: Meow. Ditch the Dude. Love, Page 

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Put on your running shoes!

Solitude

Are you a 2-Timer? Do you Rate a Second Date?

golden-gate-bridge-691925__180We all do it. We wonder, mull, ponder and dwell on it.

We dissect our dates and thoroughly analyze them. Every minute

 Eve is probably the only woman in history who didn’t worry about the competition.

Are  you bewitched, bothered and bewildered wondering if  the first date went well and if he will ask you out again? Do an instant replay.

While a scorecard isn’t necessary, there are some very definite clues.

Here they are: The Top 10 Reasons He Will Ask You Out Again

1. You look exactly like your current, up to date, photographs and he says, “Your pictures don’t do you justice”.

2. You offered to pay half – you are obviously thoughtful and evolved.

3. You both laughed and share a similar sense of humor. Obvious comfort level established.

4. You had one drink – and so did he. Both on very good behavior. Major points.

5. You both passed the Chemistry test with blinking, winking, flashing, flying colors.

6. You each complimented one another during the course of the first date.

7. You enjoyed his company and there was a palpable sense of chemistry.

8. You have a lot in common and like similar things: the Giants, foreign movies, Golden State Warriors, Curry: Steph and other;  Gaudi, chocolate, Blue Bottle Coffee, Camera Obscura…

9. You each have an amusing Internet dating story and refrained from ex-bashing or negative anecdotes.

10. Foregone Conclusion: You both had fun and were relaxed and are looking forward to the next date.

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How is that working for you?

Get out there and have fun

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Flirting 101: Winking – a failure since the cavemen

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Ugh – don’t wink at me!

Thor, the biggest, bravest caveman, never met a Pterodactyl he couldn’t fly.

He was the top Pterodactyl tamer in the village. His spear-chucking expertise made him famous in many circles. He had a ton of male, spear-chucking, dinosaur-chasing buddies. They would sit around the fire at night grunting, nodding, slapping their chests and howling at the moon. Their buddy, Krug, was dabbling with fermented grapes – the men gobbled up the one he called, “Cab.”

Meanwhile, cave-women were weaving reeds, painting cave walls with hieroglyphs, designing and sewing skins into clothes for the kids and bikini loincloths and sexy crop tops, bustiers, and halter tops for themselves.

In the olden days, when a caveman saw a woman he liked-he tapped her on the head with a kind of balsa wood baton – more symbolic than hurtful- and she was “his.” That was so mid-century.

The new cohort of women were much more romantic and wanted to be “wooed,” and sought after.   They longed for active flirtation and heart-fluttering, smoldering stares across the fire pit.

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Thou Shalt Not “Wink”

Thulk, not the sharpest stone in the basket “winked” at the cave-girls. One day, Thor saw Thulk – winking, blinking, and nodding. The guy looked like he was having a seizure.

Thor, the cool caveman pal, pulled the Neanderthal aside and told him, “Dude, ix-nay with the ink-way.”

Old School Flirting is so Troglodyte

He taught Thulk the art of flirtation: including the lingering smile, a soft growling grunt (Grrr) and the importance of small gifts.

Cave-girls loved gifts– especially bouquets of flowers, tanned skins, baskets of fruits, bright shiny stones, leather bags with matching leather foot-covers.

Thulk gradually morphed into a real bon vivant kind of a guy. His social graces developed and he became legendary in his pursuits and prowess.

For aeons, that was the demise of “Winking.”

Rumor has it, Studs Lonigan the sought-after, dashing, man-about-town re-introduced  “The Wink” in the last  decade.

You either love it – or you hate it. Mr Lonigan claims 50% of all women love a “wink” – online or on the street.

He says, the bigger challenge is distinguishing which 50% are enchanted by his charm and chivalry.

Winking: Do you love it or hate it?

Tell me: page.larkin@gmail.com

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It isn’t what I do, but how I do it. It isn’t what I say,

but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

Mae West

No L-o-v-e? Facebook says Christmas is break up time

Tis the season to be jolly  HOWEVER, According to Facebook, it’s the War of the Roses time and breaking up is de rigueur.

Research done by the elves at Facebook reveals that Christmastime can be called ‘Merry EX-miss.’

Single and Afraid of Another Silent Night?

Finding yourself suddenly single can make the Christmas holiday a totally new, sometimes unsettling experience. These can be the times that try men’s and women’s souls, stamina, and spirit. 

Business Insider reveals that David McCandless did the due diligence on ‘Yuletide dating and breaking up’ by examining trends on Facebook. Research indicates breaking up at the holiday season is a so-called tradition.

Blue Christmas, indeed. And, you don’t even want to know about Mondays.  Is there really such a thing as Empirical evidence from Facebook? Who says if it’s from Facebook, it’s got to be true?

If your December dilemma

Once you were  half-of-a-couple, now you find yourself flying solo – what do you do? Get off the couch, push away from the computer and go out and play. Wear red. Listen to Christmas carols. Invest in mistletoe and wear a sprig on your lapel or on your hat.  

Scour the San Francisco Chronicle for events, read Marin’s Pacific Sun  for fun events; read Johnny Fun Cheap.

 Say ‘yes’ to every invitation to go out; go dancing; see the beautiful decorations on Union Square; master the art of making latkes; learn the words to ‘Mele Kalikimaka‘; throw a Christmas party – at home, with friends, in a small café or a pub.

Got Dates?

A passel of people (see movie Love Actually) who find themselves in the dreaded  ‘kiss-free mistletoe zone’  actively seek out sweethearts for the season. These pro-active romantics re-up on Match.com, Craigslist, Eharmony, or Plenty of Fish.

Follow suit: they smile and say, “Merry Christmas” to everyone – especially at Trader Joe’s, Bryan’s, Safeway and default to jolly and bright.

Some say ‘lose the Santa hat’ and lead with a hearty “Merry Christmas.”

(Don’t waste one minute debating the PC-ness of wishing everybody a “MC”)

And, don’t let a Facebook statistic get in the way of having a holly-jolly holiday.

Your mother was right: Go outside and play!

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin,welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com

Your cheating heart: monogamy vs monotony?

photo_11785_20090615peacockWhen we left her, our heroine, Monica, had just ditched Mr. Polyamorous 

(Come on! I want to date you – and, you – and you)  and was moving on.

   The Date Watchers were discussing cheating, “sharing” and polyamory. They concluded they were all much more Pollyanna than Polyamory.

What happened to Pollyanna?

A week after checking the “Opt Out” box with Mr. Ménage a Many, she was on the elevator at the 450 Sutter Medical Building and ran into an old (50-something) college friend, a dentist, widowed a year before, and a ballroom dance aficionado. From the 24th floor to the lobby they chatted, laughed and agreed to go dancing and now, they are making beautiful music together. It happens.

Mad About You…and You… and You

Monica, 55, (the ink on the divorce papers was barely dry) had to chime in with her tale of “Whoa.” She recently signed up on two online dating sites. Smiling like a Cheshire cat, she said she been blissfully dating – multiple men. She was like a kid in a candy store. She bragged she was making up for lost time.

The other women listened as Monica regaled them with her tales from the crib. Thirty dates in thirty days sounded impressive and exhausting. Would a diabetic coma follow her sweet overload?

Two of the women agreed they experienced that same the same post-divorce-euphoria, to a lesser degree. The consensus was that hyperactive, Monica should slow down and smell the flowers, instead of mowing them down. She was the classic too much, too soon, too fast, fey divorcee.

Monica said she was upfront with each of the three men she was dating. The first guy said, “Hasta la vista, baby,” and walked out; Number Two wanted to woo Monica and was willing to stay in the game; Number Three said “…give me a call when you’re done experimenting.”

Can You Spell STD?drinx

The wine continued to flow, as did the opinions. Yes, of course, all agreed life is short, however they also encouraged Monica to slow down, take precautions, get tested, and focus on quality, not quantity.

Lynne, the wise said, “Monica, sweetie, you’ve got ADD. You have all the classic symptoms of Affection Deficit Disorder. It’s been a long time since you have had any action; all of this serial dating is just frothy, light and fun. Get it out of your system and then get real.”

The women raised their glasses in unison and said, “Here’s to those who love us, and here’s to those who don’t, a smile for those who are willing to, and a tear for those who won’t.”

Monica, of the ‘get in the last word’ countered with,

Remember what Mae West said,” Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!”

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You MAE go WEST, young man

Mae West Quotes

A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.

  • A hard man is good to find.
  • A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that’s subtraction.
  • A man in the house is worth two in the street.

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A man’s kiss is his signature.

A woman in love can’t be reasonable – or she probably wouldn’t be in love.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,   but with somebody else.

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
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Any time you got nothing to do – and lots of time to do it – come on up.

Any time you’ve got nothing to do and lots of time to do it come on up.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.


Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

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Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won’t be avoided.

Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.

Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.

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Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.


Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

I always say, keep a diary and someday it’ll keep you.

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

I believe that it’s better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.

I didn’t discover curves; I only uncovered them.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.

I like a man who’s good, but not too good – for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.

I like restraint, if it doesn’t go too far.


Best advice for online dating: Keep it simple, sweetie

Bronze buddah in the parkKISS: Your Dating Profile

Whether you are on your virgin voyage – writing your very first online dating profile – or re-writing it for the tenth time,

avoid TMI  (too much information.)

  Leave something up to the reader’s imagination.

Coy and cute is far superior to a barrage of cold, hard facts linked together like a shopping list. Okay, so you are proud of your car, career, cats, kids, kayaking prowess, philately or church choir debut. Merely listing these attributes or accomplishments is dull times three.

And, yes, it’s great your kid just graduated from an Ivy League school – however, all that bragging about your offspring (a la Pimp My Kid) might just as well be mentioned later. Every day, there is a new parade of hopeful romantics who sign up for Match, JDate, and Perfect Match and Plenty of Fish – your goal: grab attention, quietly.

Don’t try this at home

Remember: quirky isn’t cute; it’s been done and it’s a bore. The 2001 photograph of you dressed as a French maid or peeking over feather duster may garner the wrong kind of attention. And, writing your profile – from your dog’s point of view – may have been funny for a sixth-grade assignment, but not at this juncture.

Bragging about your myriad accomplishments – medals, trophies, and clubs? Slow down and wait on that. Finally, thinking about blasting or attacking your evil Ex?  Fuggedaboutit. No one wants to hear about your divorce – or your colonoscopy. Seriously.

It’s all about you.

Take the time to look at what other people your age are writing. Review the profiles of people your own age.  Check out the competition. Some dating profiles will inspire, others will bore, and some may spark your attention. It’s called ‘comparative shopping,’ and it works.

So, bravo for you – and have fun as you navigate the waters of the dating pool.

“I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.” — Mae West

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com. Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column — click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.

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All Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner articles © 2012 by Page Larkin; reposts permitted

 

Don’t you dare wink at me, buster! Rants for romance

Rants for Romance?

Singles  speak out

This week brings questions about winking, blinking and getting along. Send your “Single at 50” queries to page.larkin@Gmail.com

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Dear Page,
I am 52, divorced for six years, and new to online dating. I did everything you said (posted a recent photo, wrote my profile, and enrolled in two different dating sites) and all I get are “winks.”

You said winks at the lowest form of communication, you’re right! Tell men everywhere women hate winks. Don’t send me a stupid icon without a single word – to me that means you can even write a sentence – it means I am just one of 30 women you’re casting about hoping to a hook a sucker.
My advice: just write one lousy sentence; there, I feel better!
Linda in Las Vegas

Dear Linda in Las Vegas,
Thanks for voicing the opinion of many of us. Every week, I get tweets, texts, and lengthy e-mails echoing your same sentiment. Point well taken.

See: Page Larkin’s That’s rude! Dating Etiquette
Peace and love, Page

Dear Page Larkin,
I met a wonderful guy on Eharmony two months ago. We exchanged e-mails for two weeks before he agreed to speak on the phone to confirm our coffee date. Before our date, I Googled him and found him to be “as advertised.” We met at the Ferry Building, walked around for an hour and took the Sausalito ferry.  We had lunch, split the bill; we walked and talked for two more hours and returned to SF. He kissed me goodbye and I never heard from him again.  I e-mailed him once, no response. Was it me?
Down and Out in Danville

Dear Down and out in Danville,
You failed to mention if there was chemistry, heat, or mutual attraction. Manners dictate that a person thank the other for the date – there is an unwritten “law” that – after a first date- two people make plans for future date or bow out, with a polite “It was nice meeting you, we are not at match.” Move on – it wasn’t meant to be.
Peace and love, Page
 

Hey, Larkin,
I sent out 25 e-mails on Chemistry.com and not one woman responded.
My message was cute and flirty and I thought it was really good. What’s up with women today? Is everyone stuck up?
Ronnie in the Marina

Hey Ronnie in the Marina
Remember: spell check is your best friend. Take the time to write a message that is coherent, interesting, and logical. Sometimes our efforts to be clever and sarcastic can be misconstrued. Try, try again.
Peace and love, Page

Dear Page,
My feelings are hurt. I enthusiastically signed up for the Match.com seven-day free trial. No one writes back to me!  I am a Georgia peach: 56, 5’6. athletic, smart, cute and fun. I sent out 30 “winks” to all the cutest guys within 50-miles of Atlanta. Not one man responded. Help!
Ashley at Tara

Dear Ashley at Tara,
Good for you for getting out there and trying.
Let’s recalibrate: erase all thoughts of “winking” at men. (See above) It’s a lost cause looked down upon by thousands.
First, create a short introduction linking you to an attractive man:  “I enjoyed reading your profile; especially the comment about… We both like… Please read my profile and if anything resonates, please get back to me. Thanks.
Try that approach –  as opposed to winking.  Wait and see- how it works, do  get back to me and report.  Read : How Rude!     Good luck, Page

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After the Break Up: Top 4 Tips for Moving On



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Move on, dream on, dream big

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Okay, life happens.

So you got temporarily toppled by a rocky, challenging chapter in life

(a separation, divorce, break-up, hiccup- call it what you will.)

At one point, friends may tell you it is time to get back on the horse.   Oh! You’ve never ridden a horse?

Okay, time for a new metaphor: get back on the bike. What? You say the sleek and fancy, tres cher, Titanium (too Specialized? Too Trek-y?)  bike with tires as thin as black licorice intimidate you?  You prefer a pastel pink Schwinn bicycle with fat tires and pink streamers flying in the wind? Take it at your own speed.

Get Back in the Dating Game

Whatever mode you decide upon – it is time to dream big and move on. Sure, your heart might have been hurt or shattered. Take the time to do the grieving; stick pins in the voo doo doll; write in your journal; take long walks and short naps and snap out of it.

You can do this. It’s time to take the shroud off your heart and get out there and dabble in the

Suddenly Single Playground of Life, aka Dating World.

Top Four Tips for Moving On and Into a Real Social Life

#1. Get out. You aren’t going to meet anyone in your living room. Get out of the house.

#2. Go where the action is: – not the library, not the far left front pew at church or synagogue. See Top 10 Places to Meet Men.

#3. Tell all your friends you are ready to date. Sign up for online dating – today, the top three sites are Match.com, eHarmony.com  and OkCupid…Could change tomorrow. These spend more money on advertising than the next 10 sites, combined. There are hundreds of online dating sites –buyer beware as you review some of the more bizarre – fly by night-  dating sites.

Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter:

Catholic Date is too Opus dei…and OMG, Atheistdate.com is too trippy. Millionairematch.com is rife with ethical  problems, and the infamous Ashley Madison is the adultery niche market. Any dating site with the word “adult” in it the title will not be PG-17.

#4. Flirt Often. Once you are on – up and running on a dating site – for the best results you must: Flirt three times every day.  Send a short – one line note to – three different people – every day. What to say? Easy:  “Enjoyed reading your profile. We have some things in common. Take a look. Hope to hear from you.”

Make it simple, succinct, polite, and inviting. Go ahead – give it a whirl… Leave Heartbreak Hotel and move into happier spaces and places.

The best half of your life is waiting.

“I believe that it’s better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.”   Mae West

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined.” Henry David Thoreau

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 Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner

Drop me a line…page.larkin@gmail.com

The shocking truth about women and book clubs

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What really happens in Book Clubs?

Do you really think we talk about irony and plot?

Legions of women across America gather monthly, supposedly to discuss the finer points of irony, character development, and plot vs. protagonist. Fortified by gallons of Green tea and petite cookies, they tackle the Classics, bestsellers and the selections from the New York Times Review of Books. From the outside, it appears to be an intellectual diversion.

However, here is a dirty little secret: many book clubs are really a covert way to analyze, dissect, and discuss men. Very few clubs will admit to this nefarious charge. Many groups, thinly veiled as passionate about reading, are really all about an underlying desire to talk about men, husbands, boyfriends, lovers, dating, sex, and books on the same subject.

Revelations – Not Just a Book in the Bible

A well-known book group in the Marina district, formed 15 years ago, were devotees of Balzac, Joyce, Goethe, Keats, Flaubert, Yeats and Ibsen. In 2005 they stumbled upon, and raced through the Da Vinci Code –  who didn’t? That was the beginning of the end. Once they tasted the sweet ambrosia of run-away bestsellers, all lofty goals to read great literature and share erudite observations were fini compleat.

En masse, they began to crave and seek out books of a lesser plot. Instant hedonists, they began to dabble in uncharted waters: and did a canon ball into the wide, wacky world of “Chick Lit.” In no time,  the three very prolific and real queens of Chick Lit,  Marian KeyesSophie Kinsella and Helen Fielding of Bridget Jones fame were elevated to the group’s Literary Royalty and Beach reading books became de rigueur. The once stuffy book group became literary libertines.

Tryst – Like We Did Last Summer

After a steady, frothy diet of light and airy books, the happy hedonists evolved. They began to research  and write about steamy, sexy, destinations and the best places to conduct romantic interludes. They quickly nailed San Francisco, Maui, London, Paris, and New York City.  San Francisco was nominated their Most Romantic City.  The so-called book group’s next foray is a joint effort of co-authoring a risqué ‘bodice ripper’ They are not your mother’s book club or the Jane Austen book club.  However, they are currently looking for a publisher. Stay tuned.

Here’s to the ladies who lunch

and bravo to the broads who tap out steamy fantasy for your secret reading enjoyment.

Reading is a means of thinking with another person’s mind; it forces you to stretch your own.” Charles Scribner

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