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Archive for the tag “First date”

Dating 101: Beginners luck or not so much


The New Year’s Resolutions: Try Online Dating.

He was freshly divorced and carefully crafted a profile.  Within one hour, she contacted him. The spoke on the phone for one hour and clicked. Kismet.

He invited her to meet him at the San Francisco’s famed Absinthe for drinks. He recognized her immediately, she smiled broadly as she walked towards him.

He stood up when she approached and kissed her on the cheek. They both ordered the signature cocktail: French 75’s – Champagne, gin and Brandied cherries. The tempting pomme frites followed. Next, a dozen oysters on the half-shell.

Conversation flowed easily. They decided to stay for dinner.

They have been inseparable ever since. That was over two years ago. Yes, Virginia…there is hope!

photo_856_20060117two coffee

Karyn got her courage up – and studied Craigslist Bay Area Single Men 50 looking for Single Women 50.

Cal, the artist, caught her eye. He wrote well – seemed smart, so she sent him an email. That evening, he wrote back. The note was light-hearted. They exchanged four emails before he suggested they speak on the phone and he sent his Berkeley phone number.

Fortified by the email exchange, she called him and they fell into easy conversation. He mentioned he had an art show at a local café and his passion was painting.  Cool. They spoke on the phone for 20-minutes before she said, “Let’s meet for coffee.” They agreed to meet at the  famous, singles, meeting spot, Peet’s on Fourth Street in Berkeley.  A date!

Karyn went back to inspect his photo. The photo was taken from afar- he was her height. He looked fine.

Candid Camera?

The next day, she drove to Berkeley, arrived early, bought a cup of coffee and scored two seats outside.  And then she waited.  Every single man that walked by caught her attention.  She knew Cal was tall with dark hair.  A little after 11 AM, a man in faded, baggy jeans, a baseball hat and sunglasses approached her table.    He said, “Are you waiting for someone?”  It took her a minute to realize this was her date.  Her first thought was, “Is this Candid Camera?”

The man standing across from her was wearing tattered clothing, dirty, old running shoes, and a stained, denim jacket.  He had a two-day stubble- or a really bad five o’clock shadow and stringy hair.  He didn’t really look like his picture, did he?  She had a preconceived image of a much more handsome man. Cal was an artist, right?

He  sat down and started talking. She remained stunned by his appearance. She couldn’t help but notice how down-and-out he looked.   Was she simply shallow and hypercritical? They chatted for fifteen minutes before he mentioned needing to get something out of his car, which was across the street.  He pointed to an old, beat-up, dirty van.  That was the pièce de résistance.

She did a quick analysis of the situation  and knew full well they were not match. Not remotely.

Dramatically, she looked at her watch and told him- she had to go.  She said she was happy to meet him – she wished him well saying, “I’ve got to run. Thanks, I don’t think we are a match. Good luck.”

As she climbed into her immaculate, old Honda, she repeated, “No, no, no.”

She re-examined his Craigslist ad- and the blurry photo of the guy in the t-shirt with stringy hair and then noticed  subtle clues about starving artist and hardship.

The Take Away? Indeed, picture is worth a thousand words, read the fine print and take the time to ask questions – get to know someone over the phone.


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Top 5 things to bring on a first date

kids_-7Page Larkin’s Top Five Things to Bring on a First Date:
1. Your charged Cell phone
2. Money for a taxi
3. House Keys/Car Keys

 4. Identification – Don’t leave home without it.

5. The Speed-dial phone number of your pal,  “The Contact Person” – the friend who knows exactly where you are going – with whom (Name, Rank, Serial Number) and, at what time.

Get Smart: Trust your gut – if it doesn’t feel right- it isn’t.

Not exactly what you were looking for?Always trust your intuition. There are certain logical guidelines for an initial meeting. You know when something is not right. Don’t bring or wear excessive jewelry /valuables.

Remember, Binkie, it’s a coffee date – not show and tell. (Leave the bling and the credit cards at home.)

Strangers in the Night? If you are feeling strangely uncomfortable with the person –not just nervous- excuse yourself and call it quits – gently. (“Look at the time, nice meeting you – I’ve got to go. Good luck.”)

Not a Match

It happens. If you feel compelled to provide an explanation, say you have to make a phone call, have to move your car, or meet a friend or get to work. C’est fini.

Oh, no! Horrible photo...

Wrong guy….

The Great Escape: Deal-breakers

Men and women both need ‘A Great Escape’ in a truly uncomfortable situation. Let’s say you meet your ‘Perfect Date’ and you notice the ‘Non-smoker’ reeks of smoke and has cigarettes peeking out of their pocket. Time to go? Deal breaker?

Or their rude or quirky behavior freaks you out – that simple. You are uncomfortable and something is so strange you have a visceral reaction.

Pay attention to red flags.

A warning sign for the publicFive Items

Top 10 Ways to Ruin a First Date

narcissus-pseudonarcissus-290238__180Oh happy day; it’s a date. The first date.

Finally.! After all that s0-called  due diligence. You scanned dozens of photos and read all those profiles- some good- some great- some not so much. And, Bingo! It finally happened. After weeks of trawling online for great date, you’ve connected with someone you rather like. You exchanged the requisite three e-mails, two telephone calls, and both decided upon meeting for the proverbial ‘Coffee Date.’

At all costs – avoid these Blunders and Bloopers. Remember: being polite and thoughtful trumps rude.

Don’t Do this:

1. Arrive late and fail to apologize.

2. Post an ancient photo of yourself, which doesn’t even remotely resemble you.

3. Assume the other person will pay for coffee. You are a big girl/boy.

4. Take and make phone calls or Text during the date.

5. Share details about your divorce. Nobody wants to hear about it. Really.

6. Advertise you are divorced, when you’re really separated. Truth in advertising is big in this area, too.

7. Ask your date how much they weigh, their height, age, or salary. Really.

8. Bore your date with stories of your past Trophy Dates and dating adventures.

9. Step out for a smoke. Return with a toothpick. Yawn. Three strikes – yer’ out!

10. “Go HR” this is supposed to be a coffee date, not a job interview. Relax already


Let’s say things are working better than you ever imagined. Now what? How much time do you spend? Thirty minutes? An hour? There are no hard and fast rules. Common sense trumps any dating data. First and foremost, have a good time. And, remember the old saying: “How am I going to miss you, if you don’t go away?”

Now What? It’s the old handshake versus hug conundrum.

As the date ends and you are reluctantly leaving one another, you can gauge the level of interest instantly.  Do they go for the handshake or the light hug? A perfunctory handshake (no Rosetta stone required ) simply means, “It was nice meeting you. Next.” Whereas, a light hug means, “ Let’s do this again.” One second date, coming up.

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.”

 – Oscar Wilde



Top 10 Tips for the First Date

SONY DSCWhat to wear? What to say? Where to go?
Here is great advice for enjoying yourself on the big date.
Today, hundreds of couples around San Francisco are meeting for the very first time. Some will meet at Starbucks, others at Golden Gate Park, SOMA, NOPA… Many may be feeling nervous with a facade of calm – hoping their coffee-shop  date or stroll around Stowe Lake or the climbing Mount Sutro date, is going to be a winner. Remember: generally, a good First Date means a Second Great Date.

Here are the Top 10 Best Ways to Have Fun on a First Date

1. Timing is Everything: Arrive on time.
2. Dress up: Flip-flops, cut offs, and a T-shirt? Don’t even think about it. Take the time to dress to impress-casually.
3. Be Prepared: Read their online dating profile again- refresh your memory.
4. Grill Not: Do not bring a list of questions to grill your date with – this is a social engagement – not an interview. Have fun.
5. Score a table at your meeting place-keep an eye on the door for your date.
6. Relax: Make an effort to have your date feel comfortable: smile.
7. Play Nice: One compliment is worth 100 points. A mere, “Your photo doesn’t do you justice” or “You look great” or “I am happy we’re finally meeting” are very good things to say and to hear. Try it.
8. Ladies – pay for yourself; Gentlemen- offer to pay.
9. Ask Questions: As a rule: monologues are dull, vain, and insipid. Really.
10. Listen Up:  Use eye contact and listen – between – the – lines for innuendo, clues, and subtle details. It’s amazing how much you will learn.
Have a good time – remember: The secret to happiness is low expectations.

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Dating 101: A first date in less than 100 words

One first date in less than 100 words

He said, “Lunch?”


I said, “Brunch?”


He said, “Nooner?”


I said, “Not so sooner.”


He said, “Your place or mine?”


I said, “Slow down, cowboy, we’ve only just met and not quite yet.”


He said, “Do you-Friends with Benefits?”


I said, “Benefits? Like Blue Cross? You blew it: too much, too soon, too fast.




“Women are made to be loved, not understood.”

Oscar Wilde


Roger likes Sally: a real date



Roger* met Sally  (hovering around 50, single, newly divorced)  in line at Safeway.

They chatted amiably as they waited– impetuously, she suggested meeting for coffee. It was perfect: relaxed and comfortable. Next, they planned a casual walk around the lake. The conversation flowed easily – they had a lot in common.

Buoyed by success, he asked her to go on a real date that Saturday night – her call. She readily agreed and opted for dinner and dancing at a place she knew in Berkeley. Deal!

It had been over 35 years since his last grown up date and he was nervous and excited.

Roger had not been alone with a single woman in her home – in decades. She greeted him with a slightly lingering hug. Their mutual interest was palpable. They went to dinner before dancing in Berkeley. She was a much better dancer than Roger- his repertoire of two dance steps did not cut it, so she led, and he followed, beautifully.

The last dance – a slow dance -he led and glided around the dance floor, noting there was an inordinate amount of smiling, laughing and holding one another close.

Consensus: it was a perfect evening. She was attractive, good company and she liked him – she really liked him. They planned on dinner and a movie the next week. He had a feeling it was the beginning of something special. They saw each other every weekend that month. Roger was dating!

In a blaze of glory, he closed down his account at

kids_-7*Our pal, Roger (62, newly divorced) had been failing miserably at Dating 2014. He mumbled, bumbled and babbled. He fancied himself to be Fred Astaire – dashing- and he was more of a Fred Flintstone- daunting.


The worst – “first date movie” – avoid ‘The Other Woman’


Hailed as The Worst Movie of The Year by the Yoga Babes

and the Mondo Mendocino Men’s Group

“The Other Woman”

Is a

Avoid at All Costs Film



The Bore Wars or Top 10 ways to ruin a date

Spelling Game says Help Me

The Top 10 Ways to Ruin a First Date

  1. Arrive late

  2. Fail to apologize for tardiness

  3. Have just eaten loads of garlic

  4. Leave your dark glasses on

  5. Snap your fingers for waiters attention

  6. Monopolize the conversation with your favorite topic: you

  7. Use lewd and lascivious language loudly

  8. Make and take cell phone calls during date

  9. Forget your wallet and ask to borrow $10

  10. Gushing with garlic, upon departure say, “Dude, this has been cool… I’ll call you.  Don’t get your hopes up…”

“There’s no excuse to be bored. Sad, yes. Angry, yes. Depressed, yes. Crazy, yes. But there’s no excuse for boredom, ever.”

Viggo Mortensen

Critical: Trust your gut – first date nightmares

A warning sign for the publicJohn and Marsha   Nightmare #1

After a handful of e-mails and phone calls, John invited Marsha over to his house for coffee and to meet his rescue dogs.  On a whim, she agreed. Upon arrival, she found John’s house was a mess.  There were piles of clutter in the driveway, on the front steps, and the lawn. The barking dogs jumped up on Marsha while John laughed off their enthusiasm.  He eventually locked the howling hounds in the garage. The dogs had tramped in dirt and leaves into the house.  Dog food pebbles were scattered over the kitchen floor.  The house smelled like wet dogs.  Marsha was gone in 20 minutes.  She kicked herself for not asking more questions before driving the distance to John’s house. Next.

sad manClay and Janelle   Nightmare #2

Clay (62, twice divorced, poet, limo driver)  suggested he and Janelle (56, divorced, case-manger, painter, skier) skip the proverbial ‘First date -Coffee date’ and go out to dinner together.  Impulsively, she agreed. Janelle states she usually knows within 30-minutes if a first date is going to work out.  She dropped her standard coffee-date-protocol and met Clay at The House of Prime Rib.

He was tall, a bit heavier than his photo and gregarious. He suggested martinis to start the meal and she deferred to Pellegrino water.  They talked for a while before the massive menus arrived. Clay said he had his eyes on a Fred Flintstones slab of beef and encouraged her to do the same.  She politely reminded him she was a vegetarian.  She grew more uncomfortable as he became more garrulous and loud.  The waiter asked if they would like to order additional drinks before ordering their entrées and Clay said, “Absolutely!”

Straw +camel +back = broken

Janelle looked across the table and said, “Clay, I’m sorry this doesn’t feel right. I trust my instincts, and I’m going to go. Don’t get up, please. I’m going to grab a cab.  Goodbye and good luck.”

He did get up, and was a profusion of apologies.  She continued walking out of the bustling restaurant. She kicked herself for not following her gut.

A dinner date is always going to be a minimum of 60 minutes.  She’d made a mistake and didn’t spend enough time talking before meeting for the date. Lesson learned: trust your gut.

Think about it, do you want to sit across from a total stranger who “seemed nice on the phone”- or someone you know you have some concrete things in common with and who has potential?

“There is no logical way to the discovery of these elemental laws. There is only the way of intuition, which is helped by a feeling for the order lying behind the appearance”     Albert Einstein

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