Suddenly Single… Minded

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Archive for the tag “Dead end Dates”

What happened to sexy, single, Sally?

Suddenly Single

 She is single, 50+, a yoga devotee, well read, well adjusted, fun, and energetic. And she met a dead end dude online.

 Sally met Roger online. He was newly divorced a little awkward and naïve. Yet, she said he was sweet and fun to be with. She told her friends he “Needed work and had potential.”

They dated for a month before she had to leave on a two-week business trip. Upon return, she met Roger for dinner at a trendy new San Francisco restaurant that he had researched and made reservations. Promising.

He was a nice guy, who was certainly not a flirt or a  dancer. He had been married so long he was “Out the social whirl” and “Didn’t get out much” kind of a guy. However, he was open to trying new adventures.   And he was kind.

She made sure she looked hot when met him at the restaurant. She was happy to see him. He was like a puppy; he was excited and nervous. She guessed absence did make the heart grow fonder.

As they were finishing their entrées, Roger mentioned his law school friend- he called the guy his “Social Mentor”-  had told him about an  interesting new opportunity. Evidently, there was a wonderful group of really lovely people living together in a “common house” in Marin.

Jet-lagged, Sally was half listening- did he say commune?

His new mentor, Big Daddy, encouraged Roger to spread his wings, to drink-in his new freedom as a single man with gusto and to explore all kinds of new avenues.

“Uh, oh,” thought Sally,  “This sounds like a Midlife Crisis 101.”

The nervous man across from her was now espousing the potential for pure joy and freedom in a polyamorous relationship.   What were her thoughts? Roger looked a little embarrassed, however his closing argument seemed very well rehearsed.

The mere mention of Polyamory, sleeping around and a commune in Marin County  and Sally knew she was wasting her time. Seriously wasting.

She very carefully folded her napkin, looked at Roger, and told him she didn’t “Share.” She said that she was disappointed. As she slowly pushed her chair back, she stood up and said and said, in a stage whisper, “I am very disappointed in you, Roger. Good bye.”

By this time, most eyes in the restaurant were on, the tall, attractive, brunette leaving… with the balding, older guy sitting alone at the table.

She walked out of the restaurant. Never to be heard of again… until the next night, when she went out with friends, and regaled them with “The story of Roger the bumbling roué”




Bon Chance, Roger!




How to: the first date – call the whole thing off?


The First Date: Dreamy or a Nightmare?

You arrive – butterflies in tow- excited and curious to meet Danville Don Juan. The two of you have emailed a few times and spoke on the phone. You both heartily agree texting is for sissies and a dead end form of initial communication.

There is consensus to meet in a clean, well-lighted place. Starbucks lacks imagination and serves a purpose.

Are we there yet?

He suggests going to Happy Hour at the Saloon. You suggest coffee at Cafe Trieste. He nixes that and offers to buy your ticket to the Tom Cruise blockbuster replete with robots, guns, and stupendous special effects. You suggest walking in Golden Gate Park – end up at the Cliff House. Nah, truth be told, he is not much of a walker, how about a drink?

dead-end-777__180You begin to see the multitude of huge red flags flapping – danger, darling, dead end ahead. He likes happy hour, you prefer coffee houses – you like the great outdoors
And he isn’t that great – outdoors. You have less in common than you thought.

Cut bait and call it off:

Now is the time to say, “It looks like we are not a match. It was nice meeting you, good luck and good bye.”

Lesson learned: Calm down, ask lots of questions on those first few phone calls to see if you really have anything in common.

Simply living in the same town is not enough. Dead end first dates are a waste – on so many levels – avoid at all costs.



Top 5 Worst Dates San Francisco – Avoid at all costs

 old menCollage
The Top 5 Worst San Francisco Dates of the Year

 A recent poll taken with the San Francisco Yoga Babes revealed the following five most egregious dates.

  1. KOFY TV Dance Party – She told him she loved to dance and he said be ready at 7 PM on Saturday night.  In a blink, she was in a long, snaking line with overly excited people dressed up for “Halloween meets the 80’s.” She had never seen so many outlandish costumes, bizarre behavior and then the doors opened and they were on TV! She didn’t know about the Dance Party TV show- never wanted to be on TV- and was pushed and jostled by loud, energetic dancers who were doing “the Freak “and trying to Twerk. He danced every dance mugging for the camera. She lasted one hour hugging the wall and called it a night. Taxi!
  2.  Not Funny Comedy – They both said they loved comedy. He had a good idea. They parked at the garage at 5th and Mission Street and tiptoed over a few bodies in doorways to get to the Tenderloin comedy club.  That wasn’t funny.  The tiny club didn’t serve alcohol -only fruit juices – so they went across the street to the liquor store covered in iron bars,  security cameras, and some rather scary undercover cops lurking nearby. She hoped they were cops. The people -in and out of the store- were pretty rough and tumble. The comedy was Kathy Griffin meets Duck Dynasty There was nothing funny about the night.
  3.  Dying to Meet Them  – Wanting to get to know his family, she agreed to go to his uncle’s funeral in South San Francisco.  The huge family was in an elevated state of mourning; women were sobbing and men crying into handkerchiefs. And, they were also very angry. There were shoving matches and shouting in the church. Outside, car doors were slamming and families were cursing one another. And the wake hadn’t even started.  She took a cab home.
  4. It happened at the Movies –   A big film buff, he heard they were filming Woody Allen’s Blue Jasmine at 20th and Capp Street. Did she want to go watch? Thrilled by the ideas of being close to Woody Allen and Cate Blanchett, she readily agreed to hang out with the stars. They stood two blocks away from the filming – in freezing, foggy, windy  San Francisco weather. After two hours, she wanted to go home; he wanted to go watch filming  at the Aub Zum Zum on Haight. The End.
  5. Take my Mother, Please  – After happily dating  for six wonderful months, he suggested she meet his mother.  The drive was pleasant and chatty, however he failed to mention that his mother was in elevated dementia and was living in a “home” in Livermore.  BTW, His mother hadn’t recognized him for more than two years.  Blithely going along to ‘meet the family’ – sans any relevant facts – she accompanied him to the iffy neighborhood. At first she was shocked by the home, by the ailing woman’s screams for help, the son’s ineptitude in speaking to the RN, trying to care for his mother and the whole tenor of the situation.  She excused herself from his nightmare and sat in the car.

  6. theme park sideshow—–Note to Daters: Dead End Dates include: Funerals, Nursing Homes, Starring on a TVshow, and  Tripping the Tenderloin…start with coffee…work your way up. Happy trails.

Are you flirting with me? Top 3 clues

Top Three Most Obvious Signs of Flirting:

Men (50+) who find themselves ‘suddenly single’ and back in the dating arena- admit to being very confused.

They say they are perplexed by single women and the dating scene – again – in 2013.  They ask if there are new rules.  Men want to know how you tell if a woman is actively flirting or just plain friendly?

Are there specific clues or behaviors that a woman is being playful and coy or acutely not interested? Yes! If a smile, winks, blinks, nods, and signs bewilder you- here are three obvious signs of flirting

Remember: Treat all positive interactions (smiles, nods, waves) as a bona fide flirt.

Sign #1: What’s in a Name? Flirting females frequently use your name in conversation. FYI: This is a very subtle attention getting device. Everyone likes to hear his or her name, right? Listen, carefully and respond in kind.

Sign #2: How do you feel about that? If a woman is interested in you – she might brush up against you: it could be a pat, a hug or a tap. Look for seemingly innocent light touches: on your shoulder, arm, or knee. There is method to the madness.

Sign #3:  Eye Contact? Yes, the eyes have it. A woman who is interested in you will look you in the eye – often – and for more than a split second. Your job? Look back, and smile. Yes, and so it begins…

Incorporate the LALA’s Flirting Method in your daily activities: Look At, Look Again, and Smile. Remember: love looks with the eyes and the mind.

i-like-youicon greatWhat a Piece of Work is a Man
The opposite of fun and flirting is a ‘Stop’ sign – a dead end. When a man does not respond to our being cute, coy or playful – we move on. Life is short – carpe diem.
Ladies, here are five obvious signs he is going, going, gone.
Five Signs of Dead End Dates:
1.    He asks you to split the check.
2.    He cancels more than one date.
3.    He takes and makes phone calls during the date; acts distracted and bored.
4.    He flirts with the hostess, the waitress, the bus boy – everyone but, you.
5.    He admits to liking Honey Boo Boo.
Those flashing red flags are blatant indicators: something is wrong and it isn’t you. Time for you to move over, move on and  find a new friend.photo_1646_20060606end

Men: Like bubbles in champagne? The 6th dreaded date

photo_14688_20091010It can be the best of times. Or not so much.

What happens after the 6th date?

One of the “Date Watchers,” Cindy, said men are like bubbles in Champagne: they disappear. 

A real ‘Internet Dating iva’, she revealed that most of the men she met online  were  like bubbles in a glass of Champagne.

That sounded poetic until she shared:

After six dates most guys evaporated and vanished. She admitted the ‘disappearing act’ sometimes  happened before the sixth date. Bewitched, bothered and really bewildered, the Date Watchers convened. Eight women – all around the same age (perpetually 39) attended. In keeping with a theme: ‘Sex in the City for Girls Over 50’, pretty pink Cosmopolitans were served.drinx

Fact: give a single woman in San Francisco two Cosmos and you had better be ready to take notes. There was a flood of ideas and beliefs about fast and fleeting dating.

Mae West said, “I only have ‘yes’ men around me. Who needs ‘no’ men?”

Let Them Eat Cake

Alexis, who goes by “Will Date for Food“ on a site she has dubbed:, commented that on line dating is like a buffet. People push their trays down the dating buffet line and randomly pick and choose each other.” She continued, “Initially, it’s totally exciting and intoxicating. Eventually, you learn what’s healthy for your body and mind. Sometimes too much of a good thing can be bad, boy.”  The group ran with the obvious dessert and desert metaphors.

let_them_eat cake_7

Cindy concluded with an observation that and other costly on-line cupids perpetuate a ‘candy store mentality.’ If at first you don’t meet Mr. or Ms Right-Now, try another five flavors; there are hundreds of perfect matches, sweetie. She said each day, Match sent her photographs of 15 men who were supposedly a perfect match. She was both dizzy and disappointed by the sheer numbers and plethora of no interest whatsoever-ever.  And, yet, she persists.

Sweet nothings: Bon bons or bon mots?

Finally, Janice, the chef and gracious caterer of the event, raised her glass and said, “Ladies, remember, in this chapter of life, think: rice. You’ve got to have R-I-C-E-, you know, Respect, Integrity, Chemistry, and Energy. That’s the ticket.” After raucous agreement and applause, the women proposed a Cosmo toast to spring and flings and friends for life. Salute: to real romance and RICE for all.

Be careful out there.

“There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.”

Bette Davis

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at

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