Suddenly Single… Minded

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Like jumping on a treadmill at full speed?

Welcome to your new role as Suddenly Single; ready to enter Dating World 2017?

You will gradually discover The Rites and the Wrongs of The Mating Game. Take heed. Research indicates there are two smart ways to look at the initial stages of the Dating Game:

1. Try the Rose Colored Glasses Technique – one rife with optimism and a healthy dose of denial – both considered keen coping devices.

2. Or, another popular system, most oft used by the strong of heart is the Cold Shower of Reality Technique.

The Rose Colored Glasses Technique  involves a Head Down, Heart Up, Gung Ho attitude where caution is thrown to the wind and you are wide open to new experiences – free from skepticism and negativity. You view DATING 2017 be like boarding a streetcar – knowing full well another will always come along…

Cold Shower is less forgiving and a lot more direct. There are no streetcar metaphors – more jumping on speeding Treadmill symbols come into play.

What are you up for?


Tell me your story: 



Dating 101: Are all the good ones are taken?


He says, All the good ones are taken.

Steve went to brunch at a friend’s home on Sunday. He knew he was being ”fixed up” yet, again. All of his married friends wanted him to be “As happy as they were.”

For years, he had observed the happy couples -the snipes, the snips, the eye-rolling and wondered just how happy they actually were.

Then again, who was he to wonder? He had been on six different dating sites the last eight years, and was still “Just looking.”

Truth be told, hundreds of dates later, he concluded, it was a jungle out there. More often than not, he fell in love. And it was rarely reciprocated. Women that this age and stage (50/60) were tough. Either they had a “My Man Must Have List,” or they were “Just The Sex, Please,” one-night-stand-women.

He tried Tinder and met a beautiful redhead, his age, height, and education who just wanted someone “To hold her once a week,” that’s all. Next!

This time, his “fix up” was Veronique. She was short, perky, with a head of curly, gray hair and a perpetually surprised expression. Having been around the block a few times, he knew Veronique was 60, if a day, and she had some work done. No one look surprised all the time.

Nevertheless, she was lively and interesting. She been to Thailand (Red flag-he had seen 60 Minutes about Thailand being the plastic surgery capital.)

When she spoke passionately about “the twins,” he assumed she was talking about her kids. No. She had two Siamese cats, that were highly intelligent and she knew they spoke to her in Cat Language.

That was it.

Steve did his Perfect Guest Act, he helped clear the table, helped the hostess with dessert routine, and, then  “Oh, my! Look at the time.” He had to go and pick up a friend at the airport. Floods of apologies.

He had this exit down to a science. Hasta la vista, baby.

Steve swore he would never get fixed up again.Until it happened again…



Denise will tell you she “Forgot to get married.”


Denise is a successful (read: very wealthy) CFO of a well-known Silicon Valley company; she drives a Logan Green Jaguar, has a gated home off of Highway 280, three adoring dogs, a cook, a housekeeper, a personal assistant and personal trainer. She pays a small army to take care of her.

She is a standing appointment of the Jackson Place Salon  in the City for an appointment with Liz for color and style – plus nails and brows. Thereafter, she always takes a spin through Bloomingdale’s  at Westfield Center to pick up a few things. She is a Chanel, Laura Mercier, and Kate Spade fan.

Flying Solo

A few of her college pals balance work and babies (and a stream of nannies, au pairs, and babysitters) and have made Denise their children’s “godmother” several times.

They have tried to “fix her up” with single men they know and like. Generally, Denise “feels nothing and has zero interest.”

The First Time: In grad school, Denise and Dan lived together. They looked like brother and sister: tall, thin, blonde REI types.

Both were driven, fast tracking, and competitive. They spurred each other on. She was never happier.

Then Dan met a woman. In one month, he moved out, got engaged and Denise was alone.

She was at the top of her B-School class, getting a lot of attention, interviews and job offers. She landed Oracle, then Google, and moved on and now is a V-VIP.

Party of One

Each week, Denise receives a small landslide of social invitations to events and fund-raisers or to speak at various meetings and organizations. She has been on more panels than she cares to admit. Generally, she’s invited by women’s groups, women’s coalitions, female engineers / Silicon Valley.

Secretly, she wanted to meet another “Dan.” He was perfect. She measures every single man by the Dan Yardstick– and every guy has failed to be a carbon copy.

Car Talk

Her father warned her against the Jaguar – he said the car was infamous for loving to go to the dealer; repairs were said to be frequent and expensive. She ignored him, however, every month or so, something was awry. She and the manger, Dennis, took to bantering and bargaining every visit. Every once in awhile, he would throw in a freebie and she would be on Cloud 9. After a year of Logan Geen Jag appointments, Dennis asked he if she wanted to go to a Giant’s game- he had great tickets and his brother bailed on him. No – no – no, she was too busy. He reminded her it was a Saturday afternoon game. He gave her his card with his cell number and suggested she call.

After a day of incessant mind-games, creative excuses, and a fear of flirting – she said “What the heck” and called him. He had her on “Hello.” He was gracious and funnier than at work, he asked questions and listened to her. He wouldn’t take “no” for an answer- offered to have Uber pick her up – if she didn’t want to ride with him – however, he had to brag his Jag was the 2015 and she would love it. They spoke on the phone for an hour – she laughed, listened and was comfortable and agreed to go to the game.

Their first date lasted twelve hours. So did their second date.

And, that was two years ago. She says she loves her Logan Green Jaguar – but she loves Dennis more.



Tell me your Love Story

<a href=””>One More Time</a>

Wear White, Drink Red and Labor Day Blues

guys i datesdThe lazy, hazy, crazy, dog days of summer come to a barking halt on Labor Day.

And, It will be time to turn in your ‘summer whites’ for more serious threads.

Romantically speaking:

So, it’s time to take stock and review: How did you make out this summer?

Did you flounder, find her, find him, have fun or a fling? Is there romance for you in the air – wafting through the barbecue smoke? Have you had fireworks and dazzle or quiet and calm?

It’s never too late to get “In the Mood” and throw caution to the winds of romance. Go outside and play. Revel in the  last vestiges of summer…Hop on a ferry and get thee to the famous and very fun Sausalito Art Festival. Explore Golden Gate Park. Create a picnic. Invite friends over and walk to the beach…or take the bus…

Drink Red: Oh, Meiomi!  Here is a hot tip on a Pinot Noir…Try this: meiomi wines

happy woman

Skip the Blues -and  subscribe to the lovely poem by 

Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Give All To Love

Give all to love;
Obey thy heart;
Friends, kindred, days,
Estate, good fame,
Plans, credit, and the muse;
Nothing refuse.

‘Tis a brave master,
Let it have scope,
Follow it utterly,
Hope beyond hope…


Now get out there and play while the sun shines bright.

Happy last days of summer.


“Long live the sun which gives us such color.”

Paul Cézanne


How to: the first date – call the whole thing off?


The First Date: Dreamy or a Nightmare?

You arrive – butterflies in tow- excited and curious to meet Danville Don Juan. The two of you have emailed a few times and spoke on the phone. You both heartily agree texting is for sissies and a dead end form of initial communication.

There is consensus to meet in a clean, well-lighted place. Starbucks lacks imagination and serves a purpose.

Are we there yet?

He suggests going to Happy Hour at the Saloon. You suggest coffee at Cafe Trieste. He nixes that and offers to buy your ticket to the Tom Cruise blockbuster replete with robots, guns, and stupendous special effects. You suggest walking in Golden Gate Park – end up at the Cliff House. Nah, truth be told, he is not much of a walker, how about a drink?

dead-end-777__180You begin to see the multitude of huge red flags flapping – danger, darling, dead end ahead. He likes happy hour, you prefer coffee houses – you like the great outdoors
And he isn’t that great – outdoors. You have less in common than you thought.

Cut bait and call it off:

Now is the time to say, “It looks like we are not a match. It was nice meeting you, good luck and good bye.”

Lesson learned: Calm down, ask lots of questions on those first few phone calls to see if you really have anything in common.

Simply living in the same town is not enough. Dead end first dates are a waste – on so many levels – avoid at all costs.



Top 12 mistakes and goofs on your dating profile

sad manFirst impressions can only be made once.  Be careful what you write.

The Top 12 heinous headlines: don’t post these on your dating profile

  1. The last book I read was the Da Vinci Code
  2. I love brushing my dog’s teeth
  3. I’m on a diet and trying to lose weight, really
  4. I’m 60 and a stud. I only date women who are 30 to 40
  5. I’m into booty calls – how about you?
  6. I’m a little ADHD, semi-unemployed, with a very good personality
  7. My daughter made me write this
  8. If you can guess my weight, I will go out with you
  9. I only date men who make more money than my last husband
  10. Want to be my sugar daddy?
  11.  Hey! I just want to go out to dinner once a month
  12. I’m really shy. Please contact me. I’m a loner. A little Agoraphobic

All of the above qualify as buzz-kills –dullsville and boring. Three tips for a Better profile

  • Take the time to write succinct 50-word essay citing some of your interests. Avoid writing “a laundry list of likes.” As a rule quirky and kinky are not cute. Really.
  • Get Real: Remember, when writing a dating profile – sarcasm and innuendo don’t always translate.  What you may consider to be clever and pithy may come across as caustic or corny.
  • Update and improve your profile every month.  Posting the same online dating profile for more than two months is a dead end.  Update and change it up a bit. Dating in 2014 is dynamic. you should be, too. Comment on a concert, a movie or a restaurant you recently tried. First impressions happen only once.

Shoot me an email and tell what works for you.

Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent.      Dalai Lama

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Top 10 Worst First Date Ideas

Everyone has a “The all time worst first date story.” 

Perhaps your egregious first date story doesn’t rival the movie, “Carrie” however, there are some nightmare first date stories.

A flurry of emails from readers and a random poll with the Date Watchers and the Yoga Babes – indicates women know exactly what they don’t want to do on a first date.

Any of these Top 10 Worst First Date Ideas are guaranteed to spoil the day:

  1. Play Paint Ball way too Deer Hunter for most women
  2. Karaoke-not an intoxicating way to spend time- no matter how well you warble.
  3. SpelunkingExploring Caves – an acquired taste –most are too dark, too dull and too much for a first date. Think: picnic instead.
  4. Throwing Pots? Ceramic-making at a cutesy place for kids called something like “Fire Me Up.”
  5. Go-Cart Riding  Driving to the Peninsula is enough for one day – why ruin it with more road rage?
  6. Kite Surfing or Paddle boarding – fall under the too much, too soon, too cold. Who wants to wear a wet suit on the first date?
  7. Pole Dancing Lessons- some people lap it up – others wouldn’t touch it with a ten-foot…too much, too soon, too fast.
  8. See the Pyramids? She thought he meant Cairo, Egypt- he meant an Amway meeting.
  9. Swimming in the San Francisco Bay – you maybe a member of the famed Dolphin Club  or a Tri-Athlete- save the show-off until after the first date.
  10. Naked Workshops – Sure, developing rapport, closeness, and intimacy are all goals of a long-term relationship. Forays into the world of ‘clothing optional’ or getting HAI on the first date- not so much.


Dating can be a nightmare – or a dream

Relax, have fun and take the time to get to know your date. The first real date should evolve slowly.

The goal is to enjoy yourself in low-key, fun, maybe even unique situation. Now, get out there and play.

“Guys are simple… women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically. Dave Barry


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