Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Archive for the tag “dating tips”

Aging with grace and aplomb…and AARP!

candles-492171__180
You barely blow out the candles on your 50th birthday cake

and AARP is in the mail

and on the attack…

alarm clock

The times they are a changin’

 

The Man of your Dreams used to quote

Rolling Stone Magazine

and Esquire…

and, then Vanity Fair  

and The New Yorker

and now!

He is quoting from  AARP magazine…

                                                                            Say, it isn’t so.

imagessuper

“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us.

At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” 

Ann Landers (1918-2002)

 

 

1379402_605872199472972_240031918_n

Graceful

Advertisements

Merry Flirting Christmas – get with the program, Binkie

christmabulb frame__180


Flirting is the gentle art of making two people happy- start with sharing a smile.

Start a happy holiday season by flirting now. Here are a handful of romantic role models to emulate:

Before breakfast, Chas buys two copies of the San Francisco Chronicle. He reads one and offers a second copy to an attractive, single woman in one of the three cafés he frequents each week. He’s famous for this.

Coffee, tea, or me? After a month, three times a week, of handing a double espresso, to her “Favorite Cute Customer with no wedding ring and a ready smile”- Janice  wrote her phone number on the sleeve of his coffee cup. Romance is brewing.

photo_1186_20060227ace hearts

Jack Z in Santa Rosa is famous for flirting and for the  “I thought you two were sisters,” comment to the mothers of the women he dates. Believe it or not, mothers-of -an-age- love this.

Frank X. buys bags of Hershey kisses and says he drops one or two off on tables of interesting women at the library, Peet’s or cafes- when he is strolling through. Jeremy – the flirt-  is famous for giving away free kisses and smiles.

Valerie in the Marina writes that she looks at man, catches his eye and turns away. She looks back and smiles. She says it works every time. Oh, la, la  Remember: eye contact is an icebreaker and a romantic catalyst. Go for it.

Stanley, the dapper crossing guard on Geary Boulevard, tells every woman he sees she looks “Lovely this morning, ma’am.” Women actually cross the street just to talk to Edward. Think about it. That’s so cool.

Henry, the flirting waiter at Rigolo in Laurel Village, greets and kids around with every female customer who comes to the small cafe. He is always ready with a compliment and a smile. Needless to say, he’s a very popular guy.

Lynne R, the tall redhead at the checkout clerk at the Masonic Trader Joe’s, a polyglot, greets customers in their respective homeland lingo. People love this and make a bee-line to her and ‘check’ her out.  To say she is popular – only begins to describe her.

A simple “hello” – a great beginning. Try it.

LOVE 27
Love Story at 80

Most mornings you can see Hank and Joanne, holding hands, walking up and down the streets in Presidio Heights. He wears a Cal baseball cap and she wears a red Stanford hat. The two octogenarians talk and laugh and Hank frequently picks up newspapers and tosses them up to neighbor’s front doors. The two exude an affection and attraction that most aspire. Some think it’s good luck to see this darling devoted couple.

Now is the time to throw off “shy and subdued” and get out and flirt.

Love is in the air and everywhere. Seek out bouquets of mistletoe, wear some on your lapel, and flirt frequently.

“All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness, and others by sense.”     Rochefoucauld

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at page.larkin@gmail.com. Don’t miss a single Page Larkin post.Happy New YEAR!

Such a thing as a Perfect First Date? Yeah, baby.

lUUnN7VGSoWZ3noefeH7_Baker Beach-12

What does a Perfect Date look like?

Here’s a report from Janice of Diamond Heights: San Francisco-Clement Street-Late afternoon

They agreed to meet at the Spruce Goose on Clement Street. He arrived a few minutes early to score a table, and stood when she approached the table. He said, “Janice? Your photograph doesn’t do you justice. I’m William. ” They shake hands. Warmly. (She blushes and thinks, “Big points.”)

After they were seated and settled, he turns off his cell phone with flourish and says with a smile, “I’m all yours.” Next, he says, “May I get you coffee, tea, something? Would you share a chocolate chip cookie with me? I think they’re the best in the City.” She is impressed and happy.

Over Coffee

In conversation, he asked her where she grew up, where she went to school, and various polite questions about her job and family. He listened to her answers. (Huge points – and, she had pretty much stopped counting.)

After 30 minutes of easy conversation, he said, “I’m really enjoying myself. You are unique and lovely. I want to spend time with you. Do you have time for a walk, and/or would you like to get together again?”

At this point, she reports she was so dazzled by William, she didn’t want the date to end. However, she had a meeting with a new client and suggested they meet at Crissy Field  for a walk – later that week.

The Second Date 

Janice reports she and William met for The Second Date; they walked, talked and laughed- for four hours- kissed and have been “an item” for two years.

That’s what one Perfect First Date (and Second Date) looks like.

Note: The Yoga Babes and The lively Date Watchers think William is a Shooting Star in

the Dating Stratosphere.decoration-21871__180

How to quit that Dating Site?

dead-end-777__180

Thanks to Lisa in Livermore:

“Back away from the mouse…

That was the clever way my therapist told me I wasted too much time pursuing and perusing men on the Internet.
She said the two hours I spent, every day, scouring on-line dating sites could be better spent. And if I removed all the karmic energy I was wasting on not loving myself first, the right man would follow.

And so it goes…

I felt like a reformed alcoholic emptying bottles of booze, one after another, as I clicked away and quit the three Internet dating sites I had subscribed to for six months.

Goodbye to Ivy.com guaranteed to meet a fellow Ivy Leaguer. My ill-fated claim to fame – I didn’t meet one man from Penn State, but did meet one from ( wait for it ) the state pen.

I said ov vey, good-bye and mazel tov to my stable of dead-end flirtations at JDate, the Jewish dating service.

Parting is such sweet sorrow

Finally, I disassociated myself with my very favorite site “DatesRus.com”
I’d met Paul, Nick, John, Mike 1 and Mike 2 and Chuck on DatesRus.  It had been a veritable gold mine for first dates…a few second dates… and buckets of  first kisses.

However, after the first dates – it was generally a dead end. I’d gotten really good at first dates. I’d honed the necessary skills to appear fascinated and had developed great eye contact.

My friends tease me that I had perfected the affected Nancy Regan stare.

Now, I won’t admit to being addicted to the chase, the flirting,  the bon mots flying, however…I will admit I spent a lot of time looking…and then, looking again.

I sounded like Chauncey Gardener. Bad sign.

And, wouldn’t you know it?

Three weeks after Dating De-Tox and pushing away from the gilded mouse / trap…  I met Tim at the Safeway in Livermore.

Turns out, we both like Ben and Jerry ice cream and we  bumped into one another at the freezer section.  There is no California law against lightly bumping into a man’s grocery cart. The irony being that my first really hot date started at the coolest place.  Avoid the Mouse Trap – get out and flirt like a Chunky Monkey.

In Love, Lisa”

“One should want only one thing

and want it constantly.”    

Andre Gide

Get off the couch and get back in the – social – saddle

IMG_1072
Here are Five Easy Ways
to get ‘Back in the Dating Saddle’  …and ride off into sunset 

  1. You’re not alone.   There are 20+ million singles back in the dating game. Like you, many singles are bored playing Solitaire and are ready to play a rousing game of Hearts. Get out of the house and join a walking, hiking, biking, rowing, kayaking, birding, debate, tennis, ping-pong, or spelunking club. See Meetup.com for hundreds of organizations in your zip code.
  2. Adopt and embrace the C’est la vie Attitude.  You know, life is short and why waste time? Refrain from perching over a phone waiting for it to ring or checking your emails 10 times a day. Your mother was right: “Go outside and play.” It’s up to you – perform the ‘due diligence’ and find out where the action is…
  3. Be Brave   So you are ready to start dating again? Want to get back in the Dating Saddle? There will always be a Greek chorus of friends and family urging you to get back on the horse.  If you have images of a sweet pony ride dancing in your head, be prepared. The 2014 foray in dating is more like the electronic bull you remember from that John Travolta movie, Urban Cowboy.   Best advice: “Better buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.”  Get in the game and enjoy the new adventures in the unique and novel Date World 2014
  4. Volunteer – check out The Sausalito Art Festival LaborDay Weekend for a very fun time – and check out sporting events, wines tastings, the Presidio, Litquake or theMill Valley Film Festival Festival- all are worthwhile and fun. See San Francisco’s two very popular organizations: St Anthony’ and Onebrick opportunities. Check Craigslist for volunteer listings – do a good deed and meet new people. Volunteers are love in motion.
  5. Your Mother was wrong: Do talk to strangers. Everyday. It’s okay, and heartily recommended that you look them in the eye, smile and say “hi” to five strangers – every single day.” Have fun in the New Year. Start now.

It’s a well-known fact: Dating at 50 is a lot more fun than dating at 20. Think about it: you are more interesting, smarter,  sexier and have way better life’s stories. And, you don’t have to ask your mom to borrow the car. Come on in, the water is delicious.

 

cupcakes
Note: Women Love Men Who Dance

It’s not a secret: from the Dogpatch to Daly City, the Marina to Mission Street: women all heartily agreed: men who dance are a lot more fun and a lot more interesting.

The Take Away: Gentlemen start your lessons: Take beginner dance lessons, have fun and practice, practice, practice.

Three Local Hot Spots for dancing

Go out in the world and work like money doesn’t matter,   Sing as if no one is listening,    Love as if you have never been hurt, and Dance as if no one is watching”

iNEW_like-you

No L-o-v-e? Facebook says Christmas is break up time

Tis the season to be jolly  HOWEVER, According to Facebook, it’s the War of the Roses time and breaking up is de rigueur.

Research done by the elves at Facebook reveals that Christmastime can be called ‘Merry EX-miss.’

Single and Afraid of Another Silent Night?

Finding yourself suddenly single can make the Christmas holiday a totally new, sometimes unsettling experience. These can be the times that try men’s and women’s souls, stamina, and spirit. 

Business Insider reveals that David McCandless did the due diligence on ‘Yuletide dating and breaking up’ by examining trends on Facebook. Research indicates breaking up at the holiday season is a so-called tradition.

Blue Christmas, indeed. And, you don’t even want to know about Mondays.  Is there really such a thing as Empirical evidence from Facebook? Who says if it’s from Facebook, it’s got to be true?

If your December dilemma

Once you were  half-of-a-couple, now you find yourself flying solo – what do you do? Get off the couch, push away from the computer and go out and play. Wear red. Listen to Christmas carols. Invest in mistletoe and wear a sprig on your lapel or on your hat.  

Scour the San Francisco Chronicle for events, read Marin’s Pacific Sun  for fun events; read Johnny Fun Cheap.

 Say ‘yes’ to every invitation to go out; go dancing; see the beautiful decorations on Union Square; master the art of making latkes; learn the words to ‘Mele Kalikimaka‘; throw a Christmas party – at home, with friends, in a small café or a pub.

Got Dates?

A passel of people (see movie Love Actually) who find themselves in the dreaded  ‘kiss-free mistletoe zone’  actively seek out sweethearts for the season. These pro-active romantics re-up on Match.com, Craigslist, Eharmony, or Plenty of Fish.

Follow suit: they smile and say, “Merry Christmas” to everyone – especially at Trader Joe’s, Bryan’s, Safeway and default to jolly and bright.

Some say ‘lose the Santa hat’ and lead with a hearty “Merry Christmas.”

(Don’t waste one minute debating the PC-ness of wishing everybody a “MC”)

And, don’t let a Facebook statistic get in the way of having a holly-jolly holiday.

Your mother was right: Go outside and play!

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin,welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com

Free: Top 5 really rude dating mistakes

photo_21523_20120317There are too many horror stories about rude online dating behavior

Feeling clueless? Need to brush up on your dating etiquette? Take a hint:

 Page Larkin’s Top 5  Online Dating Etiquette Tips:

1.) Respond, sil vous plait or, You talkin to me?   The biggest complaint heard from online daters is about the lack of response. Hey kids, here’s the rule: if somebody takes the time to drop you a polite email of interest – you have a responsibility to answer back.   (Note: If the message is wacky, bizarre or peculiar- or the person sending it appears to be all of the above, you need not reply- simply delete and move on.)

However, new dater, if you receive an email from someone – okay, maybe not your ideal mate – maybe not even close – but he or she took the time to write.  Your job? Write back. Not a tome – not a poem – a simple message along the lines of, “Thanks, we are not a match – good luck in your pursuits.”  That’s all. Simple and sweet.

who is lyin?

2.) BehaveCan You Please Say, Thank You?   The men have spoken and complain loudly and frequently that some women barely utter a “Thanks” after a date. Hello, ladies? Are you Ms Manners or missed manners?

3.) Hit-and-Run   Knowing full well that online dating is truly a numbers game, (See Catch and Release in the Coy pond) there are some who send out a dozen “winks” every day.

Exit Sign

What is a wink? A wink is the lowest form of online social connection. It requires little time or effort.  It involves the wannabe dater to click a tiny icon, which sends a message to the recipient, indicating absolutely no effort made. How popular is a wink? Many online dating profiles start with, “No winks, please.”  Translated: “Come on, and make the effort to write at least one cogent sentence.”

4.) Talk, Talk, Talk – The Biggest Buzz-kill.   Okay, so you are fascinating and you don’t mind telling everyone. The non-stop talker is the biggest buzz-kill on a first date? Yes, it is okay to be nervous. It’s okay to be chatty. It’s a mortal sin to blather on and neglect asking questions. Save the monologue for a Stand-Up Routine.

5.) The Houdini Disappearing Act: Pouf!  They are gone.   So you‘ve exchanged a half-dozen emails – you share many of the same “likes,” and  seem to have a little chemistry- and boom! They are gone. Not a word: text-email-note-nada.

What’s up with that? Did their spouse find them playing on the computer – with you?  You wonder if the other person is a  player?  Or just plain rude. If, at any juncture, the chemistry isn’t there – politely bow out of the conversation with a well meaning, “Thanks for the conversation, enjoyed it and wish you all the best.”

Can’t we all just get along? Be nice. According to Greater Good in Berkeley – being kind –(polite) – will make you happy.

“Be polite; write diplomatically; even in a declaration of war one observes the rules of politeness.”  Otto Von Bismarck

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column- double click-click  the Subscribe button page.larkin@gmail.com

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

10433947_10152311764152819_1392972002862246985_n

And,no selfies, Binkie

Kick start your dating profile today

Pink20140127-2Get Smart! Get off the couch and into the dating game

Fact: an online dating profile with the same old photo, same old write up and dated favorites is dead in the water.

If you want to appear attractive and interesting – add some spark and sparkle to your profile.

Tom, divorced for 15 years, a single father of teenager, has been on Match.com for five years.

He rarely, if ever, looks at the dating website and is thrilled if anybody ever contacts him. A busy executive – virtually chained to his desk, Tom claims he doesn’t have time to “troll” for a date. Really? Five years – a passive dater – and he wonders why no one ever contacts him:  old photo, old headline. Yawn.

Recently, he and his son from returned from a camping trip and he updated his profile and posted new photos of himself. Bingo!  Three women sent him e-mails and he was back in the game- his interest high. Yes, girls, it is a good idea to reach out and connect with guys. (Think: Sadie Hawkins)

Page Larkin’s Mandatory: You Must Do This – To 3 Tips

1. Change your picture – every month or two. Have a friend take your photo at an event or new venue.

2. Get  Updated –  If you have the same opening line,  “I was born at an early age,” “Wow, this is really awkward,” “I’m a love machine looking for my perfect match is that you, honey bun?” Change it. Every 1-2 months, come up with a new and interesting snippet. Skip any and all honey bun  references.

3.  Don’t Get Stale– If you’ve been hanging around the water cooler at any dating site for over a year and striking out, take a break.  It’ll be good for your soul, self-esteem, your brain and your body. Push away from the computer and go outside and play.

New Tactic: It’s time to comb your hair, brush your teeth, and put on great-looking outfit and go sit in a café. Walk around the park, the yacht harbor, the dog park, Crissy Field  the Polo Field, – look at people and smile. Yep, that is part of the deal.

Do you have a really bad  “The Worst First Date?” nightmare or fiasco? Tell me about it.

Page.Larkin@gmail.com-

Ladies Beware: The Great Pretender on Union Street

photo_11785_20090615peacockA flashy, fancy,  fake: caveat emptor

He borrowed the dog, the car, and the book. He wore a fake Rolex and carried a broken Mont Blanc pen. The only thing that belonged to him was the toupee.

Mel must’ve been a prop master in the theater in another lifetime. He had accumulated enough stuff to have it appear that he was successful. He heartily acted the part and began to believe it himself.

His neighbor agreed to allow him to walk her “chick bait” chocolate Labrador Retriever, Bella. Around 11 AM each day, Mel strolls down Union Street with Bella- the world’s friendliest dog.

Although he is not a prolific reader, he knows enough about cause and effect and to always carry a New York Times bestseller with him. The library book (never read, always carried) is strategically placed, on the table, bar, or counter for all to see- next to his i-Phone and his Mont Blanc pen. His Rolex in full view.

Prey For Success

The sky blue cashmere sweater tied around his shoulders – appearing rakish – perfectly planned, as well as the deferred maintenance look of old money: tasseled loafers with no socks. On the foggiest days he has a Burberry raincoat – two sizes too small- over his arm. He does ‘forget’ his wallet – on occasion. His meager pension and Social Security coupled with the money he gets for writing fake Yelp reviews covers his tight budget. He often jokes that he forgot his wallet and  “depended on the kindness of strangers.”

The con man with je ne se quois

The self-elected mayor of Union Street, he goes ‘out to dinner’ out five nights a week. Somewhere in his dating career he had set a goal of having three dates a week. At one time, he rotated between Perry’s, Brazenhead and the Blue Light.  When money got very tight, he developed a penchant for any Happy Hour and grazing at the free hors’d oeuvres trough.

Ramona was the most recent innocent victim. She swooned when she saw the 1967 Jaguar XKE. She didn’t know his friend Ray, parked his car at Mel’s house whenever he traveled. Initially, she fell for the whole package. What’s not to like about a friendly guy with a Jaguar and a smiling chocolate Lab?

Mel was seated outside at  Roses Café a chick magnet if there ever was one- the bestseller book on the tabletop, Bella at his feet. Women, inevitably, lean down to pet the beautiful dog.

 Chat, chat, flirt, flirt turns into “Join me for coffee” with a little bit of notice my book, my Mont Blanc pen, my iPhone. (Not my very expensive toupee.)

 Ramona was a hook, line and sinker smitten until she started asking questions and looking closer. It took  one coffee date and a long walk to penetrate the veneer of this very well rehearsed charlatan. She dodged a hoax.

 Take away lesson – if it looks too good to be true – start asking the tough questions. Yes, it is polite – and very smart-to ask questions.

 

Asking few well-placed questions, “How do you like the book?” What’s it about?” Is she your dog? How long have you had the car? Are you the original owner? Where do you work? For how long?…”

Open up a real dialogue and the truth shall set you free.

photo_1918_20060901


 

 

Are you suddenly single: divorced, separated, widowed – alone?

happy womanYou only live twice

 Today, a half-million of us are hovering around 50, suddenly single again, and starting a new chapter – whether we are widowed, divorced, retired or just tired – with the kids finally launched…Now is the time: Your Turn. Get ready to take time for you.

Just Do It?

After decades of caring for spouses, bosses, kids, clients, aging parents, volunteering and balancing – all of the above – now it’s your time.  Don’t waste another day.

You want fries with that? Exactly what do you want?

 For some, finding yourself Suddenly Single can be like the heavens opening, choirs of angels singing Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah, ‎a balloon drop, confetti falling and a cacophony of Veuve Cliquot champagne corks popping.

Others might have a more subdued reaction to finding themselves alone – again – fearing an Eleanor Rigby life.

 Kids, Try this at home: Take a pen and paper; take moment to think, then write-down “The Top 10 Things I Want Right Now.”

Your “I Want Now” List could include a nap, a lover, a dog or a ticket to Miami, Mexico, or Montréal.

 Maybe you want an iPad, a standing/weekly movie date, banishing the grey and going Blonde, a Bunco group, a clean garage or a new pair of Mephistos or Manolo Blahniks. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to go to ‘Sweat Your Prayers’ in Sausalito on a Sunday or Friday night parties at the DeYoung, or to take beginner Tango lessons in Berkeley, or any classes at the Learning Annex. Do it.

Have you wondered where the Andy Goldsworthy art-pieces are in San Francisco are? Find them. Take a tour. Discover Dynamo Donuts Evensong at Grace, Litquake, Bay to Breakers and volunteer someplace fun – like a film festival – not a church. Invite a friend to join you.

Read the San Francisco Chronicle Sunday Pink Section, the Pacific Sun and Johnny FunCheap’s list of events all over the Bay Area. Make a point to do something really fun every week. No holds barred.

Go outside- breathe- walk. Explore San Francisco and all it has to offer.

 If you can dream it – you can write it – put it out there.

 Helga D.  mentioned to her neighbors, just in passing, she wanted a new bike and , bingo – they gave her an older Specialized bike they didn’t use. Brigid told her Pilates buddies she was finally ready to date…slowly and – girls being girls- suggested a guy or two-for her trial dating foray. When Anne P.  was setting up her new newly divorced apartment – she had little or no furniture – Bob and Pam from her school were moving in together –had duplicates of everything and gave her a couch, table, and chairs. Kismet.   

Tell your friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances what you are looking for – put it our there – and see what happens.

Then tell me: page.larkin@gmail.com

 

Post Navigation