Suddenly Single… Minded

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Archive for the tag “Dating on Eharmony”

Eharmony outsources Profile Analysis – gives Fortune Cookie quips

EHARMSherry signed up with Eharmony, again. She had tried the dating service five years earlier – gave up with the slow as molasses protocol and the number of farmers and motorcyclists she was introduced to each day.

She raced through the 966 questions and waited for the slew of Prince Charmings to come her way.

Eharm compiled her answers and created “The Book of Sherry,” reputed to be an insightful analysis – she laughed hard and often at the Eharmony Fortune Cookie Wisdom. Who, in India, was writing this tripe?

She shared it with her SF Book Group, her fellow workers, some singles at church and and her Pilates pals – the wonderful Shelter Volunteers. They roared – you will, too.


 Topic #1: REACTIONS OTHERS MAY HAVE TOWARDS YOU:  EH writes about Sherry

For people with tenderhearted compassion, your responses to helping others may seem cold and unsympathetic.

Sherry. you look at a situation and see a ton of stuff that others don’t.  But, you prefer the eccentric and avant-garde to the same-old, same-old. You gather information from books, conversations and general observations    ( Really?)  your perspective is very colorful because of your curiosity too. You are Original, Quirky, and Out-of-touch. (Seriously?)

  • Sherry, you know that feeling when the world is in your palm, and nothing can go wrong?
  • Do you carry sunshine in a bag when it rains? ( What? Sunshine in a bag?!)
  • Do you ever lose control? Within all of us lie joy, fear, sadness, anger, shame and disgust.
  • But to what extent do we control these emotions, and to what extent do they control us?  Hey! Let’s take a look at your emotional range and your reactions to life’s ups and downs. You are:
  • Stable
  • Composed
  • Poised
  • Cold and Insensitive
  • Topic #2 -Your Personal Qualities: you are cold, insensitive, hollow.

Sherry, you’re unflappable and clear-headed in crisis and are consistently confident and secure.

You may be solid as a rock, but you’re not as cold as stone. ( Huh? )

When life is good, you laugh with friends and share tender moments with those you’re closest to.

And when you’re sad or scared, you honor those feelings and then push past them. ( What?)

 theme park sideshow

The Grand Finale- Eharmony gets Freaky

The Final Blow from Eharmony: In conclusion

Some of your friends might think you’re emotionally cold, shallow and hollow – that you don’t care enough about their significant moments. This is true.

“Their significant moments…”

The kids in the American English as a Second Language at the EH OutSource campus may be cold as stone, filled with shame and disgust and are seeking sunshine in a bag…while Eharmony charges a whopping $70 for one month to explore and be verbally abused by unleashed, untrained, wanna be writers. 

Despite her effort to “report” her experience – no one at EH wanted to listen.

Sherry said, “Good bye” and jumped ship!


Exit Sign

What’s the eHarmony in trying this dating site?

EHABeen around the ‘Dating Block’ enough times to be an Official Survivor Storyteller?

After years of being married to Mr. or Mrs. Wrong and the ensuing divorce, many of us quickly sign up for Internet dating.

Inspired by those romantic eHarmony ads on TV, we bite.

They say 15,000 people every day fill out the infamous questionnaire.

It can take in excess of 90 minutes to complete the extremely long questionnaire: comprised of 426 seemingly inane questions covering 29 dimensions.

Who knew there was life after the Fifth Dimension?

Finally, you pay hefty $70 for a one month membership. Harmony claims the quality of the service and that “sophisticated matching algorithm” and personality analysis, are so worth it…really?

Good News- Bad News

Shortly thereafter, you receive an analysis of your personality and a description of your “Perfect mate” Okay. Most of us are seduced by flattery and eHarmony will send quirky pages of prose extolling your virtues. You may be honest, loyal, and steadfast like a Boy Scout. Or Dull and Eclectic, eccentric and exceptionally unusual. To say eHarmony paints with a broad brush only begins to describe the way they analyze your attributes.

Be Prepared: People in the know, claim “Eh employees” like “Don in Delhi and Mark in Mumbi are cranking out pretty bizarre Personality Reports – broken English, outlandish claims (i.e. your carry sunshine in a bag; you are walking the streets of Hollywood. What?)

Bottom line? Skip the out-sourced Indian gibberish report.

Everyone wants to see a long list of perfect matches -Prince or Princess Charmings. In the TV ads, couples evidently connected at breakneck speed. There seemed to be a lot of happily- ever- after- going on, right?

Hurry Up and Wait

Then, much to your chagrin, you learn what the term ‘Glacially slow’ means. A glacier moves one tiny fraction of a millimeter of an inch every several thousand days – just like eHarmony. Okay, so my exact glacier mass measurements are fiction — but the fact that eHarmony is slow is pure fact. Be prepared to wait, for a very long time. Expect singles from the A States ( Arkansas, Alamaba, Arizona, and Alaska) to contact you. It happens.

hollyJust like Christmas Morning

Anne, an eHarmony escapee and one of the Yoga Babes said this about her so-called perfect matches:

“One man lived 95 miles away and was three inches shorter than I am in my stocking feet. Lauren, a cattle rancher near Reno liked chess and NASCAR. Me? Not so much. He was ten years older than I am. Next, Frank of Santa Rosa (doesn’t anybody live in San Francisco?) was a pilot, a triathlete and made his own tofu. Granted, I have a preconceived notion about triathlons and I won’t try an athlete who trains 20 hours a week.

I want a guy who likes to walk on the beach, not swims to Alcatraz; I like taking a leisurely ride through Golden Gate Park; not at breakneck speed.

The final ‘exact match’, or so they claimed, was Roland from Fresno. He liked cigars, port, his Bible and his six greyhounds- dogs, not buses. My allergies kicked in, just reading his profile. We didn’t have a thing in common. So, what I hoped would be like ‘Christmas morning’ was more like three lumps of coal. I quit after one month of disappointment. I’m now on and happier with the results.”

Worth a Try?

One size does not fit all and there are tens of thousands of very happy members on eHarmony. The website is a treasure trove of opportunities. You can order flowers, Fandango tickets, buy insurance, and, yes even  prescription drugs and there are pages and pages of pretty mild dating  advice. Seriously. It may be a perfect fit for your lifestyle and expectations.

You don’t know until you’ve done some research. Have fun on the quest.

What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?Vincent van Gogh

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