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Archive for the tag “dating at 50”

Dating Games people play – Risk or Trivial Pursuit?



Looking for love in all the wrong sites…

Mike, 48, newly divorced, and Nancy, 40-something, met on his first day on Match.com.   His dating profile was posted for less than one hour before she contacted him.  Intrigued by her write up and photos, he replied, they spoke on the phone, met for a drink that night and were inseparable for 18 months. It happens.

Sorry

Then Mike decided to break up with Nancy. She wanted the ring, the white dress, the white picket fence and a new puppy for their new married lifestyle. She had extravagant ideas about redecorating his home, landscaping, and painting each room a special shade of moss green. They agreed her petite condo in the Marina was claustrophobic so, incrementally, she had moved half her wardrobe, her bike, blender, espresso-maker and drawers of cosmetics to his house.

He wasn’t 100% sure that he and Nancy were meant to be “lifers.”  Their long weekends and the mini-vacations to Aspen, Santa Fe, and New Orleans had met all of his needs. In time, he pulled away – travelling more for work and thinking seriously about “getting single again.”

Twister

After the inevitable, dramatic, breakup, he decided to try EHarmony. He soon met a number of women who shared his passion for the San Francisco opera, the symphony, jazz clubs and sushi.

At one point, he created a spreadsheet to keep track of the six women he was seeing.  He had a habit of going to the same three restaurants (Absinthe, La Folie and Perbacco) with all of this dates and decided it might be wise to expand his boundaries.

Trivial Pursuit

 He’d seen the movie, Blue Jasmine twice, had been to the new jazz club six times, and to the opera and symphony and decided to keep clean and concise Dating Records.   Two of the women he was seeing, Annie and Bonita, seemed to be “multi-daters” like him.  They both alluded to the fact they have been dating quite a bit since their respective divorces. Did they have spread sheets? Never mind, he did and it really helped keeping names and addresses straight.

Helene from Sausalito, flirtatious and bold, admitted to him that, post-divorce, her first stop was to 450 Sutter Street to a renowned plastic surgeon for  “the works.” Mike was too much of a gentleman to ask what she had done. However, he did notice there were no old photographs of her anywhere in her condo. After two month and many dates, Helene gracefully told him she just wanted to be “friends” and she cut him loose.

Another woman, Connie the broker from St Francis Wood stood him up on their date at Gary Danko. No text, no email, no call. No thanks.

Twixt

After eight months of serial dating and wooing, Mike grew tired of the chase.

He decided to call Nancy and see if she was willing to meet – perhaps pick up where they left off – with certain stipulations and caveats (no wedding bells to be included in the deal.)

Nancy answered on the first ring and gushed the exciting news that she was getting married in two weeks and then honeymooning in Bali with the love of her life, Charles! She wished him luck and good-bye and quickly returned to her wedding cake testing.

CLUE

The phone call with Nancy lasted less than two minutes and it took hours for him to process the news – her upcoming marriage – his loss – what had gone wrong – what were her issues? Did he have any issues? Certainly not –he was a perfect date, a perfect gentleman, and a successful businessman with top-drawer credentials. His first marriage lasted five years – it was most certainly her fault. She was demanding.

Mike decided he might try a new path and sign up for Chemistry.com  They claimed “their matches were carefully selected to have the potential to ignite some real chemistry in your life. Chemistry! His favorite game growing up…

Why not give it a try?

Games lubricate the body and the mind.       Benjamin Franklin

 

Do you have a really bad  “The Worst First Date?” nightmare or fiasco? Tell me about it.

Page.Larkin@gmail.com-

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Are you Dating at 50? Top 10 Rules?

They’re all Neanderthals




Top 10 Dating  at 50 Rules

 (‘Life is Short and I Won’t Settle’ List)

1. I won’t sit by the phone or the computer waiting for a man to reach out. I will be proactive and flirt – early and often.

2. I won’t respond to a man who sends me a photo of him hiding and enshrouded in a hat and sunglasses.

3. I won’t be impressed with anyone who sends a canned greeting (Hello, Angel, does God know you left heaven?)

4. I won’t meet anyone for a date in a parking lot, a bowling alley, or the Indy 500.

5. I won’t kiss and tell, but I might kiss again. And, again.

6. I won’t hesitate to quit relationships with passive /aggressives, those who drink more than their fair share, and who flood me with texts – from my life.

7. I won’t waste time with people who see the glass as chipped, broken or empty.

8. I won’t miss the opportunity for a hug or a kiss. Holding hands is a priority.

9. I won’t wear Crocs, Uggs, Sweats, fanny-packs, Lanz nighties, shoulder pads, granny glasses or acid wash jeans. And, I won’t date a guy with a proclivity for all of the above.

10. I won’t let anyone rain on my parade. Life is a cabaret.

I will sing and dance like my hair is on fire.

Super Bowl Ads: like Dating after 50?

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 The Super Bowl  TV Ads – just like Dating at 50, 60…

The people you meet while swiping Online Dating Sites can be Very Fox-y:  All Flash- No Content.

In 2019, Bumble wants you to swipe soon and Pepsi launches new Bubly want you to quaff quick while all those Beer  Beer Beer ads flow…

Ole! You’ve met Avocados de Mexico  types – try to  attempt to  seduce tastebuds with free appetizers Oh my, Guac!

And expext the  usual Whopper from Burger King …

Spots for KIA and Hyundai will be  back…or as confused and ugly and the

photo_21523_20120317or they are so boring – you make a run  for it

and dive into the Buffet Table…

If you are lucky,  you may meet a Fred Astaire wannabe – like Sean of TurboTax Fame

who will trip the light fantastic with you – and help you with your taxes

and get you a refund: a trifecta.photo_184_20051014Online Dates- just like the TV Ads – can be Good….Bad…or Ugly…

It is up to you get in the game,

give it your all, try new passes, new lines, 

  and play well with others.

In dating at any age, if at first you don’t succeed –

Change the Channel.

 

Like Tinder, Bumble  is based on users swiping right ( Yes) or left ( No) as you view profiles and  matches in your

area, but with one key difference:

After two heterosexual people match on Bumble, the Lady gets to message the Gentleman first.

Reading between the lines on online dating profiles?

Gator20081017

Expect a little: “To Tell the Truth”  a bit of  “I’ve Got a Secret”  and some “Dark Shadows”

Dating Soap Operas:

Reading dating profiles on Eharmony, Match.com, or Tinder can be dizzying. As you wade through a minefield of clichés and brags, you wonder how to decipher this barrage of data. Is there some kind of code? Where do you get a romance Rosetta stone?

The answer? Read between the lines and take it all with a grain of salt. Okay, maybe a shaker of salt.


Due diligence and deciphering

Steven D. wrote that he ‘hailed from the citrus belt of California’  (Orange County, Republican). He reads the New Yorker and legal stuff (lawyer).

He loves debating (argumentative) and says his two kids are his best friends (uh-oh.)  He says he’s tired of restaurants (cheap) and prefers TV dinners on the couch (yawn)  In his profile photo, taken from afar,  Steven D. commits a grave error by wearing the egregious hat and sunglasses (hiding: bad hair, no hair, squinty eyes, tattoos). More red flags.



To Tell the Truth

Ricki  writes that she ‘likes Jenga and Scrabble‘ (couch potato) and her cats.  She says she is s “A  big woman, with a big heart and big fun.” No mystery there; Mickey’s candid photograph indicates the same. Give her credit: she is honest and to the point.

‘Walter Mitty Mike’ should be a fiction writer

Despite his friend’s protestations, Mike writes that he is “a doctor with three North Bay offices; he collects old cars, has a place in the mountains, and  a pied-a-terre in the City, in addition, he collects French wines.”

His best friends will tell you, actually, the veterinarian business is slow, so Mike works three days a week all over Petaluma and Novato; he drives a great old truck; has a Rambler and a Corvair; and he has a big tent, in the summer, above Truckee. His place in the City? He camps out with a buddy in a studio apartment in SOMA, where the two like to party and paint the town beige. Mike likes a good story and tells one — after another.

Someone has to tell him Ménage a Trois is not a French wine. And, that there is a time and place for everything.

photo_6972_20080817“I am a Barbie Doll”  writes her entire profile in uppercase letters.

Those in the know say, beware: possible anger issues here.  Barbie says she’s “spontaneous to a fault” (red flags flashing). This generally translates to disorganized, ditzy, and unpredictable. All are qualities some men might … cherish. Or not. Clever Barbie writes she is looking for a Ken doll with a Maserati…or Porsche…Millionaire.com didn’t work out for her. Tsk.

There are a lot of stories in “The Dated City”

Remember: Honesty is the best policy and the truth will set you free — and help you avoid embarrassing situations. Give online dating a whirl and have fun out there.

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San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner Page Larkin welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at: Page.Larkin@gmail.com

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Dating newbie? Bewitched, bothered and bewildered?

person holding a wine glasses

Dreams – the stuff Dates are based upon…

 

Yes, Binkie, it is true:  “Dating at 50” can be a challenge – in the best of times.

 You already discovered there is no harmony on eHarmony? And a long time ago found that Craigslist was a nightmare of creepy/anonymous “Not-my-types?”

Perhaps Match.com linked you up with the wacky, too thin, too hyper ballerina or shock- jock like Charlie Sheen- who actually need Two and Half Men in white coats? Swiping on Tinder can give you whiplash or depression.

Okay, so dating and developing your social networking 2018 has not been a laughing matter.

Who Moved My Rules?

Since your very First Date of Yore- the Rules of Dating have changed dramatically. If you remember San Francisco’s randy fern-bar days (Henry Africa’s, Thomas Lord’s, and Paoli’s) and you are A Classic “Re-enter and Suddenly Single in San Francisco Dater”

Buckle up, it is going to be a bumpy ride.

woman wearing grey long sleeved top photography



First of all, the Dating Playing Field you remember is no longer level and things have gotten a whole lot faster.  (And the uniforms are really short!) Don’t even start to talk about scoring and making points. You will have to adjust and get up to speed. There are hundreds of websites comparing, contrasting and social networks (Dating Sites) for you to explore.

Dating 2018 versus Dating 20 Years Ago

Once upon a time, you may have known the pace, the place, and the attire and could do all Three Modes of Communication: pithy, banter, and clever repartee.

Update: 2018 The once revered Art of Conversation has been pushed off the pedestal to make room for text messaging, e-mail, swiping, smart phones, and, smile, you are on Skype. Don’t get me started on Tinder.

So Many Books, So Little Time

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man has shards of wisdom scattered throughout. Stroll down the aisles of your library and pick up three or four dating books.(Dating for Dummies is really a treasure trove. As is, the classic : He is Just Not That Into You 

The best selling dating how-to-book, The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right is a lark and a laugh and is peppered with some pretty good ideas for dating at 50.

Hot Tips: Get off the couch and out of the house. Don’t waste time on a dead-end relationship. Notice the red flags and move on. Whoever asks, pays.

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And, if things get dicey, remember those two magic words, ‘Check, please!”

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin,welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com.

Don’t miss – a single Page Larkin column – click the Subscribe button.love computer

“I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks.”

Daniel Boone

Confused

Her shopping list for Mr Right was too long

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She calles herself “Sexie Sindie.” She is on the lookout for The Perfect Man. She has a shopping list a mile long.

She won’t date a man who has been divorced more than once or who is living in a studio apartment. She doesn’t like cats, dogs, bicyclists swathed in lycra, men who smoke or vegetarians.

She can’t stand men who don’t use the turn signal while driving and will not tolerate any who use their middle finger to display anger. She hates to see a man driving a car with a dog in his lap. Eating donuts is a very big NO. She has been called a “Picky Eater” by friends and foe. She will be in a panic if it isn’t organic. Sugar is her enemy and she loathes all white foods. Her friends marvel at her love for Kale and Quinoa. The two are her staples, she dabbles in organic spinach and cabbage and Pressed Juices. Yes, she is very very thin

 

What she does like: is a single, employed or retired, guy who owns his own house. A pool ( sauna, spa, ) is extra “points.”  Her long list of “Must Haves” reeks of gold-digger.

She admits to her best friends,  her tiny studio apartment, in the beautiful old building, is a “buzzkill” and she never allows a date to enter her private chambers.

Sindie dated Thomas for three months before he gave up trying to make her happy. He wined and dined her. On their 10th date he gave her a Tiffany heart and she offered a polite “Thank you” and later tucked it her her jewelry drawer. She had sold three other Tiffany Heart gifts on eBay. His would be next. She dubbed Thomas “irrelevant” and moved on.    Alone. Single. Searching and very unhappy.

 

“I love being irreverent. But I hate being irrelevant. I love being irreverent because at the end of the day your actions belie your intentions.

Esai Morales

 

Irrelevant

A Tale of 2 Hustlers – San Francisco Seniors beware


Widows Peek?

Peter (60) is a self-proclaimed  man-about-town and bachelor.

He is on the lookout for San Francisco widows (live alone) from Pacific Heights, St. Francis Wood or Nob Hill.  Women must be 65 or older. He professes that he loves older women.  He has one suit, a navy blue blazer, a pair of gray slacks and a few vintage Countess Mara neckties from Goodwill.

On a first date, he wears one of his two uniforms, sports a fake Movado watch and has last month’s Economist or Wall Street Journal tucked under his arm.

Peter, no slouch, has studied etiquette, is charming, and makes a very good first impression. He presents himself as an entrepreneur and a bon vivant. He can dance around all incisive questions and flatter a woman until she blushes and believes the subtle stream of compliments coming her way.

He’s the kind of man who kisses a woman’s hand and gazes into her eyes. He alludes to romantic trips to Paris, Turks and Caicos, moonlight, massages and Dom Perignon.

Clever boy that he is, he has a well thought out, tightly scripted autobiography – with references to prepping,  a short-lived Ivy League education,  travel, fame and acclaim. Naturally, he reports he is retired and merely managing his money.

To Tell the Truth?

Peter lives with four roommates in the Sunset District. He calls himself an entrepreneur (which translates to “lightly employed”) and darn, he forgets his wallet quite frequently.

He gushes well-rehearsed apologies – followed up by more compliments. An accomplished house painter; you can find Peter on a ladder with a brush in hand when he’s not wooing his most recent target.

Some women see through the carefully crafted persona, the thin veil of charm and ask hard questions and dismiss Peter – others succumb to his charms, for a while.

Buyer beware.

On the Web: Black Widow?

Channel, 55, seeks out men who are 70 to 80, widowed, lonely, not adroit at online dating, and live in the right zip code. She has her own well-honed algorithm.

She has been trawling Seniors Meet, JDate, Match.com, Craigslist, Sugar Daddy, and MillionaireMatch the last 10 years.

Vivacious and flirtatious, she has dated dozens of men once or twice; others she has been with for months. Recently, she came very close to marrying a man  25 years her senior. He was 80, from Burlingame, a retired executive with real estate holdings all over the Peninsula and a condo in Maui. After much ‘encouragement’ from Channel, he bought her a four-carat ring from Tiffanys.  As fate would have it, shortly thereafter, he had a stroke and a heart attack and, bam! He was gone. Just as quickly, his three daughters closed ranks, labeled Channel a ‘gold digger’ and slammed the door in her face.

Next!

That little hiccup didn’t slow Channel down. She was out and about days later. She sold the ring, picked up a knock-off at Macy’s, picked up a new St John Knit, and now passes herself off as “a recent widow.”

She has her eye on the glitzy San Francisco retirement community, the San Francisco Towers, and The Sequoias as two hot potential places to meet her new man.

 “Was ever book containing such vile matter

So fairly bound? O, that deceit should dwell

In such a gorgeous palace!

Shakespeare

 How do you protect yourself from scoundrels and sneaks?

Ask questions.

Talk on the phone – a lot- before you commit to meeting anyone.

What to Take on a First Date:

1. Identification
2. Cell phone
3. Money for a taxi
4. Keys
5. Phone number of ‘contact’ person’

Get Smart

There are certain logical guidelines for an initial meeting. Always trust your intuition. You know when something is not right. Don’t bring valuables. It’s a coffee date – not show and tell. (Leave the jewelry and credit cards at home)

If you are feeling strangely uncomfortable with the person –not just nervous- excuse yourself. It happens. If you feel compelled to provide an explanation, say you have to make a phone call, have to move your car, or meet a friend or get to work.

Buyer Beware – Always.

 

 

Wear Mistletoe, smile more and flirt more


Your Merry 2018  Mantra?  Play hard and work soft

Yes, Virginia, tis the season to be flirting.

In my small rural hometown, most people say ‘Hello,’ and ‘Good morning,’ and ‘Hey’ as they get to work and play in the morning. Actual Eye contact is involved.

People wave and nod to one another. Men and women both hold the door for one another. You hear the word “Thanks,” a lot.

I want to hold your hand. Please.

I think there’s more hand-holding in that small town, per capita, than there is in all of San Francisco. They say in San Francisco there’s more emphasis placed on career success, than (sit down; drink optional) relationship success. What’s up with that?

No, Virginia, this more convivial behavior is not Amish, Quaker or Mormon. It’s just another mindset. Maybe it’s a throwback to the 1950’s.

It is very Mid-West.

Friendship_love_and_truth(1)

San Francisco needs more smiling, flirting, and mistletoe

Why do you suppose merely “Being friendly” is so foreign in San Francisco?

After a week of this time-travel-world, I recently returned to the City. As my luggage came off the carousel, I was forced back onto the merry-go-round of San Francisco, where we go so fast, we miss meeting one another.

Slow down, put that phone down and smile at someone! Now.

We’re texting, Twittering, we’re Linkedn, clicking away on Instagram and Snapchat and were on Facebook, and on variations of Matchme.com. We belong to social clubs, gyms, book clubs, bike clubs, chess clubs or teams of some sort. Really, it is still like two ships passing in the aisle at Bryan’s, Safeway or Trader Joe’s.

Hello! Hi! Hey! Over here!

Did you ever think that just as you’re going out the side door of the store- with exactly the same carefully selected food items in your recyclable bag – that your doppelganger is about to buy the same carefully selected items? And, she or he, too, will walk out, alone, with their recyclable bags?

Did we both just work out, see the same film, and go out to dinner with single friends? What are the chances we run, hike, ride, walk, stroll, or spelunk in the exact same location, at different times?

The Playground of Life

Whether you are on a merry-go-round, a slide, or a teeter-totter, you have to admit: it a bizarre time to be at the Singles Playground.

I’ll go out on a limb- unless the ground rules change to involve more people saying ‘Hey’ ‘Hello’ and ‘Good morning’, we will all be living single, solitary, parallel lives.

So close and yet, so far away.

Not Just for Christmas…Hug all year long

Now is the Time to Flirt and Have Happy Holidays

If ever there was a time to be jolly and bright – now is the time.

Starting today: smile and say “hey” to five people (read: persons of the opposite sex sans wedding ring). Repeat. Daily. Speak to people in line at the store, on MUNI, in a cafe.

Resolve to have fun this holiday season, start today.indexmistellletoeoeoe

Get mistletoe – wear it on your lapel, on your hat- and hang it over every door you can …

I say play hard and work soft. Flirt often and carry a big smile.

Say hey, hey, hey at: Page.Larkin@gmail.comchristmabulb frame__180

Put the brakes on speed dating workshops?

High atop a hill in beautiful San Francisco, a new Dating Workshop was slated to “To rival all others.”

The attendees were nestled all tight in their seats with visions of horizontal happiness dancing in their heads.

Mica Glassworthy was the guest speaker and the topic was “Speed Dating for those stuck in First Gear”
Mica was tall, lithe, dressed in silver from head to toe – very Prada, Hermes, Manola Blahnik…her carefully coiffed hair was remarkable – and all the women were remarking…
The large bustling audience was comprised of  women over 50 who were ‘game’ to try something new. That was the tag line on all the flyers and in the email blast: Try something new.


I had been ready to try something new for a long time. At the time, my maiden voyagae of three months on Internet dating had been a roller coaster ride – with very high highs and some lonely lows. Quelle bummer.

Ms Bored Stiff sat next to me and heaved a huge sigh. She looked at me and in an accusatory tone, head her tilted, said, “What are you doing here?” I laughed – and told her, “Research. I’m trying something new.”
She shook her head and said, “Where are all the fat girls? This room is crawling with Bay Club-Rats. Look at this crowd.”


I looked around – granted, a number of the women looked like “Wind Tunnel 101′ – thats code for “Face lifted” and way too many G’s.”

Mica was well spoken, elegant and dry. She had multiple lists of statistics on dating at 50; dating in San Francisco; second marriages and success rates. Her hand outs were accepted by the attendees and we promplty placed them in our hand bags.

As our expert droned on, the natives grew increasingly restless. Glances were exchanged, eyes were rolled and heads were shaking. We were not there for a symposium- we wanted answers, tips, clues, websites.

The Inmates Take over the Workshop

The attendees later agreed, the only list we wanted was a list of Hot Spots in San Francisco to meet men. We exchanged stories on our nightmare dates.

Truthfully, Mica lost control of the workshop and the ladies did what women do best : we talk – we share – we inform.

Okay, so I did  a wee bit more sharing than most.

See Here: Phobias and Fear of Dating

and Three’s a Crowd;

New Faces on Match.com

 

The Exodus…Are men are giving up the chase?

There is an Exodus happening.

Legions of men across the nation are folding up their tents, are quitting the Dating Game, and are going home to Bachelorville. They are resigned to a lifetime of single, solo, solitary- man- time.

Talk to Single Men of an Age:  The report is in: Some men readily admit say they are victims of excruciating divorces…followed by years of  disappointing experiences on the dating post divorce scene.

The readers have spoken and  say: A lot of divorced men 50+  try dating again… many after hiatus of 10 or 20 or 30 years.  Many lament that dating today is so fast and foreign – they are having a hard time getting a leg up.

Some men simply say dating and  the chase isn’t worth the bother. They say “the  dating game” is  time consuming and too high maintenance.  They claim can’t remember the pace – what comes first?  Greg M  said  “When you were once a “10” and you wake up single – 25 years later –  you realize, uh oh –  you are  20 pounds heavier, balding, have grown children and 4 grandchildren. The hot red sports car  morphed into a mini van -decades ago… How can  you possibly  still think you are a “10” and on top of your game?”

And, what is your game? Solitaire?

Yoga instructor and Nurse practitioner, Cindy, 27, reports that the older men she runs across in bars are her father’s age. She and her coterie call the older guys  ‘Salty dogs’  and ‘A Free Dinner.’ That’s cold.

This guy says: You Otter Know Better

Tall, dashing and handy, Clive said he had given up on women.

He said women are like otters… that they band together, are happy to be in one another’s company, travel together, dine together and have no need for male companionship.

They simply float down the river of life, happy little ottters.  No boys allowed.

What do women say? Readers write in to say they are initially daunted ~ then exhilarated  ~ by being Suddenly Single and entering the new world of DATING AGAIN…

Others, blindsided by a classic  divorce debacle – throw in the towel and are recovering…renewing energies and getting a new lease on life.

The Exodus may be in biblical proportions~in some cities…

San Francisco has to be the exception.san-fran

Tell me what you think….page.larkin@gmail.com

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