Suddenly Single… Minded

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Archive for the tag “dating advice”

Divorce: a long and winding road….or a rocky road?

Rocky Road…
not just an ice cream flavor…

Remember ~Every divorce is like a snowflake – no two are alike…

 If 50% of us are going to divorce or are in the midst of a divorce or are divorced….
What do you do to get through  the day?

 So, how does a Suddenly Single person in SAN FRANCISCO cope?

  • Attend Church?
  • Attend to exploring all forms of Chocolate?
  • Withdrawing?
  • Scouring the FunCheap for Singles Events?
  • Attending movie matinees?
  • Shopping for a hearty round of Retail Therapy?
  • Investing in and using reams of Kleenex?
  • Quick Shots of Paleo Friendly Patron Tequila?
  • Reading Best Sellers? Or mindlessly reading Danielle Steele?
  • Sitting mindlessly in front of TV wondering, “What the heck am I doing?”
  • Creating elaborate voodoo dolls of Ex and reveling in acupuncture on same.
  • Jogging around and around the Marina or Lake Merced?
  • Attending every CITY ARTS AND LECTURES event?
  • Hanging out at The HaRa or Spruce nursing mojitos? Not what you mint…
  • Cruising the Saturday morning Farmer’s Market buying bushes of basil?
  • Whining At Wine Bars? Yielding at Yield?
  • Booking way too many appointments with your therapist?
  • Attending mass, services, synagogue daily?
  • Do you find yourself pining for”The Twins” on Nob Hill?
  • Are you walking around the Grace Cathedral labyrinth multiple times?
  • Do you find yourself staring at a Thomas Kincaide painting for extended time?
  • Are you glued to CSPAN?
  • Have you tried ALL 31 Flavors?
  • Have you read Divorce for Dummies at the library, a chapter at a time,  – too embarrassed to bring it home?
  • Do you dream of meeting Michael Krasney, Charlie Rose,  Brian Lamb of CSPAN? and consider volunteering at KQED?
  • Have you “suited up” and tried jogging and remembered you hate exercise?
  • Does the Haight now seem charming?
  • Does Union Street all of a sudden seem less appealing – and much less like it was in the good old days? Where are the Henry Africa’s?  Thomas Lords? The Cooperage?

It is sobering to realize those ” kids” you see at the bar at Perry’s –  those kids may be the same age as YOUR kids… and, my dear, they have bumped you off your pedestal…it’s musical chairs and, now,  it’s their turn.

It is time: You simply need to find a new vehicle,  a fresh point of view and understanding of what the dating game looks like now. Pay no attention  to the man  behind the curtain.

Take it from me- the next chapter of your life – ACT II can be much more fulfilling…exciting…rewarding.

All it takes is vision- and stamina – some creativity and a dollop of reality.

Sure, easier said than done.  Push yourself away from the computer, the TV,   at the  fish tank and  Get up.  Put your shoes on. Get out of the house.  Go for a walk…

(That was Step One  – repeat daily)

It’s a Brand New World. Be Brave.san-francisco-733508__180-2

Dating newbie? Bewitched, bothered and bewildered?


Yes, Binkie, “Dating at 50” can be a challenge – in the best of times.

Have you discovered there is no harmony on eHarmony? And found that Craigslist is a nightmare of anonymous “Not-my-types?”

Has linked you up with the wacky, too thin, too hyper ballerina or shock jock like Charlie Sheen- who actually need Two and Half Men in white coats?

Yes, dating and developing your social networking 2016 is a laughing matter.

Who Moved My Rules?

Since your very first date of yore- the Rules of Dating have changed dramatically. If you remember San Francisco’s randy fern-bar days (Henry Africa’s, Thomas Lord’s, and Paoli’s) and you are A Classic “Re-enter and Suddenly Single in San Francisco” – Buckle up, it is going to be a bumpy ride.

First of all, the Playing Field you remember is no longer level and things have gotten a whole lot faster.  And the uniforms are really short! Don’t even start to talk about scoring and making points. You will have to adjust and get up to speed. There are hundreds of websites comparing, contrasting and social networks (Dating Sites) for you to explore.

Dating 2016 versus Dating 20 Years Ago

Once upon a time, you may have known the pace, the place, and the attire and could do all Three Modes of Communication: pithy, banter, and clever repartee.

Update: 2016 The once revered art of conversation has been pushed off the pedestal to make room for text messaging, e-mail, swiping, smart phones, and, smile, you are on Skype. Don’t get me started on Tinder.

So Many Books, So Little Time

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man has shards of wisdom scattered throughout. Stroll down the aisles of your library and pick up three or four dating books.(Dating for Dummies is really a treasure trove. As is, the classic : He is Just Not That Into You 

The best selling dating how-to-book, The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right is a lark and a laugh and is peppered with some pretty good ideas for dating at 50.

Hot Tips: Get off the couch and out of the house. Don’t waste time on a dead-end relationship. Notice the red flags and move on. Whoever asks, pays.

And, if things get dicey, remember those two magic words, ‘Check, please!”

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin,welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at

Don’t miss – a single Page Larkin column – click the Subscribe computer

“I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks.”

Daniel Boone


Feeling alone together?


“I never said, ‘I want to be alone.’ I only said, ‘I want to be left alone.’ There is all the difference.”Greta Garbo

The Ditch The Dude Letters

Dear Page Larkin,

I’m dating a guy who claims he loves me- but he is busy every weekend with the boys. I see him once a week, Wednesday nights, when he comes over for dinner. What shall I do?

All Alone in Alamo

Dear All Alone in Alamo,

Ditch the dude. If he really “loved” you, he would make time to see you early and often.

Love, Page.

Hey, Page,

I am madly in love with Mr Wonderful; he is tall, dark and handsome. He is also very romantic and sweet. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have a job and is couch-surfing at various friend’s homes. He has invented an iPhone holder and a hat with an iPod sleeve which could make him very rich. We are weekend lovers and I don’t hear from him all week. What shall I do?    Crazy in love

Dear Crazy in Love,

Being in love is intoxicating and exciting. However, sometimes clear thinking becomes muddled. You have enough red flags in this relationship to made red dresses for an entire army of Flamenco dancers. Ditch the dude.

Love, Page

Dear Page,

I was so darn tired of the online dating scene, I signed up for the Wine Country Matchmaker. I paid $3000 for three months and was told I would get a lot of high quality “perfect matches.” I met two guys. Both were dead ends. Then I met, Charly. He has a job, owns his home, is nice enough – but, he had five cats. He loves his cats and talks about them, and takes pictures of them, all the time. I hate cats. Unless all five die soon, I might quit him. Not a Cra Cat Lady.

Dear Not A Cra Cat Lady,

The infamous Wine Country Matchmaker you mentioned has been called ‘shady’ and worse, by many. Get your money back. Regarding the Cat man: Meow. Ditch the Dude. Love, Page 


Put on your running shoes!


Want to get Hooked on Dating?

A grandfather’s advice about fishing applies to

Dating at 50, too.

As a boy growing up in Hawaii, Grand Dad learned to deftly throw fishing nets and catch beautiful fish. His lifelong mantra was, “Cast the net high, wide, and often.”

If you are Suddenly Single, a mere beginner at “Networking and Dating” you can prosper by his sage advice. How does his mantra translate to dating success for you?


So you want to start dating again?

Open your eyes, your heart and your hard drive. That means: choose more than one social networking avenue (online dating site) to dance down. Happy Spring! Embrace the new and make this endeavor a daily routine. You will have to work at it. Note: Online Dating takes time – and can be very fun!

You’ve heard it said before: “You are not going to meet anyone sitting in your living room”… unless you are online and exploring dating sites.

Try Two Free Dating Sites

Many dating neophytes start cruising the anonymous aisles of Craigslist looking for love – a wink, a flirt or an email exchange. Craig’s  is a good place to start and practice. I heartily endorse spending time on the site. Explore the aisles, read some ads. Actually, read a lot of ads. Check out, “Women looking for Men” and “Men Looking for Women” in your age group. (Tip:Date your decade, Binkie.)

No doubt, you will be entertained, educated or perhaps bored by what you read. Some ads are succinct, others are silly, some are tres obnoxious, and others interesting. Take the time to read ads from different cities   (See: Manhattan, Chicago and Los Angeles, for a lark) Compare and contrast. And, be careful where you step.

Sign Up for OkCupid and Take a Spin Around the Block.

Remember, one drawback to free sites- there are no dues, no rules, no screening and therefore, there is totally anonymity. Some people revel in hiding behind a monitor – others throw caution to the wind and jump in the fray, heart first. Sign on to OkCupid and look around. Take your time. Sign up, be discreet, and above all: have fun in this new exploration.


Cast your net – open your eyes, your heart, and plan to do some research.

It takes time, persistence and optimism.

Now, get out there and have fun. Happy Spring.


12 Daze of Christmas? Overkill or over the moon?


Dear Page Larkin,

Too many Christmas Gifts? Is there such a thing?

My boyfriend really embraced the 12 days of Christmas last year. He literally bathed me in extravagant gifts

Day 1. On the first day, he surprised me and gave me golf lessons at Cinnabar Country Club in Morgan Hill. Then we went to Guglielmo  Winery for private tasting with the owner, Gene.

Day 2. He gave me a uni-sex Robert Graham shirt from Scott Lyall in Napa.

Day 3. I received a beautiful umbrella with peacock feathers design from Pennyweight in St. Helena.

Day 4. I got gift certificate for a flight of wine from Hall winery  which is like going to Wine Disneyland. We stopped off at Dean and Deluca for Chocolate Babka.

Day 5. He presented me with A Bliss for the Body Massage gift card for Auberge du Soliel. Yay!

Day 6. I was surprised with Champagne and hors’d oeuvres at the Buckeye Roadhouse

Day 7. We played a round of golf at Silverado Country Club. I beat him. Was that wrong?

Day 8. He gave me a gift certificate for  dinner at Bistro Jeanty in Yountville.

Day 9. I was aghast and excited with a stunning gold Hermes key ring.

Day 10. He tucked a pink and black Kate Spade wallet into my pocketbook.

Day 11. He took my hand and slipped on three, slim, gold Rings from

Alex Sepkus.RING-64

On the 12th day of Christmas he gave me a beautiful card with a red heart embossed on the front and “All my love” inscribed on the interior.


Of course, you are are wondering what I gave him – besides hugs and kisses, enormous gratitude and thank you note;  I gave him kid gloves and a Cashmere muffler.

What do you think?

Candy Stripper

lUUnN7VGSoWZ3noefeH7_Baker Beach-12

Dear Candy Stripper,

I think there are hundreds of women reading this account, – thinking, ” If you ever break up with him – give  him my number.” 

You know the drill, call me – make an appointment – we need to talk.

Merry, Merry!

Hearts on a line

Dating and trick or treating – the same?

night-995191__180Have you noticed: your first date and trick-or-treating

hauntingly similar?

Both require identical preparations and it’s all about wear and where.


Dressing – or selecting a costume- for Trick or Treating on Halloween and for that all-important first date requires an inordinate amount of time. You want to look good and make a statement. You forage through closets and drawers to select the right thing to wear. Women often aim for hauntingly beautiful or the girl-next-door costume. Good advice for guys is to appear like more like a superhero, less like a monster.


Deciding where to go Trick or Treating or for a first date requires that you carefully plan and plot. Both parties agree to meeting in a safe, well lighted neighborhood. You naturally avoid ‘dark and spooky,’ at all costs. You agree upon the perfect witching hour. Your spirits are up, and it’s time! The scariest thing that can happen? You don’t look like your picture. One of you is spooky, kooky or creepy.  Your costume is all-wrong. At the end of the night, you want to think, “Sweet!”  You don’t want to walk away thinking, “What a witch,” or “What a monster,” and return home empty handed.

Remember: A few kisses are good. You want to avoid sours, Nerds, Screaming Yellow Zonkers, Snickers, jawbreakers and gobstoppers.

Relax, enjoy one another and skip the trick, have fun and go straight for the ‘treats’.

Don’t try this at home:  2015 Spookiest Costume: Donald Trump, the Koch brothers, Marco Rubio, Shrimp Boy…

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column- click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.

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Single Men Confused by a Few Good Women?


This week’s mail brought letters about Single Guys who don’t know how good they have it.

Dear Page Larkin,

Help! Our brother (divorced, 59, executive, thinks he is a ladies man) drives us crazy. In the last five years we watched him date, Dumb and Dumber, Clueless, The Jerk, and Tammy.

He recently met a very nice woman- about his age, successful, smart, and fun; everyone likes her. She has her own company; and what she sees our brother, we don’t know.

However, they’ve been dating for a few months-and he just started complaining that she left a couple of things at his house. The guy went ape over a water bottle! How do I tell my brother he’s darn lucky to be dating this Perfect 10?

Concerned Sister in Los Gatos.

Dear Concerned Sister Los Gatos,

You’re a good sister to care so much. ItIs sounds like this guy is a little rusty when it comes to the dating game.

Read the next letter…. déjà vu all over again.

Peace, Page


Hey Larkin,

You seem to know a lot about this kind of stuff. I have a new girlfriend- she’s hot.   We spend a lot of time together – most weekends. She does one thing that really bugs me. I think she is slowly trying to move in with me. Last week, she tried to leave Peet’s Coffee and a French Press coffee thing at my house. I drink Yuban. Today, I found she left a can of hairspray under the kitchen sink. I have my limits and I told her so. My buddies say I being unreasonable? Me?

The Weekely Thing

Hey Weekely Thing,

It sounds like you’ve met a lovely woman you enjoy spending time with and for her convenience she brought over a small coffee maker and make up. Evidently, you find this so upsetting you need to consult a dating specialist? I wish I could say, I feel your pain. Lighten up, Weekely. Relax, already. Your buddies are right.

Peace, Page


Ms. Page Larkin,

Most women consider me a “real catch.” I’m very successful; I drive a black BMW, I know how to party, and, I never kiss and tell.

I’m very confused about a woman I just met. She’s totally different from all the babes I’ve ever dated. Evidently, she thinks I’m pretty interesting and she laughs all my jokes.   The other night we went out, and she gave me a gift. No woman has ever given me a gift. She gave me a gift certificate to “A night on the town.” What’s up with that? I think she might be using me. Help me figure this one out.

GH from Hollywood

Dear GH from Hollywood,

Lucky you. You have wonderful qualities- and a special woman recognizes them. You are fortunate- treat her well and go with the flow. Don’t overthink this one, GH.

Peace, Page


Social media has given us this idea that we should all have a posse of friends when in reality, if we have one or two really good friends, we are lucky.

Brene Brown

I will not play tug o’ war. I’d rather play hug o’ war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins.

Shel Silverstein


What would Dear Abby say? Go out and play.

Back away from the mouse.

That was the clever way my therapist told me Iimages2 wasted too much time pursuing and perusing men on the Internet.

She said the two hours I spent every day scouring on-line dating sites could be better spent.  And if I removed all the karmic energy I was wasting on not loving myself first, the right man would follow.

So, I did it.

I felt like a reformed alcoholic emptying bottles of booze, one after another, as I clicked away and quit the three Internet dating sites I had subscribed to for six months.

Goodbye to guaranteed to meet a fellow Ivy Leaguer. My ill fated claim to fame- I didn’t meet one man from Penn State, but did meet one from the state pen.    I said ov vey, good-bye and mazel tov to my stable of dead-end flirtations at JDate, the Jewish dating service.

Finally, I disassociated myself with my very favorite site:

I’d met Paul, Rick, Ron, Mike 1 and Mike 2 and Clive on datesRus. It had been a veritable gold mine for first dates and first kisses. However, after the first six dates – it was generally a dead end. I’d gotten really good at first dates. I’d honed the necessary skills to appear fascinated and have developed great eye contact. My friends tease me that I’ve perfected the affected Nancy Reagan stare.

I’ll  admit I’ve become a little cynical.

What is this manic experience?  I call it Dating World. It’s a lot like a theme-park ride- a place you choose to go, a virtual roller coaster~ with a spiritual decline? However, I believe the highs generally outweigh the lows… the volley of flirty e-mails, the phone calls, coffee dates – I called it dessert.

My opinionated and very negative therapist calls the experience the desert.


Mainly because after six dates they deserted.

Actually, not always on the 6th date- but, around or about.  Why?  Is this the norm? That’s what I wanted to know.

So I organized a convivial focus group of eight women – all around the same age (perpetually 39). In keeping with a theme:  Sex in the City – for Girls Over 50

I served pretty pink Cosmopolitans. I’m sure Mark Twain has a great quote about opinions ~ all I know is, give a Single woman in San Francisco two Cosmos and you had better be ready to take notes – there was a tsunami of thoughts and beliefs about being suddenly single in SF.

Merry said On line dating is “the buffet of life”…People  push their trays down the dating buffet line and randomly pick and choose each other. Sometimes too much dessert (sweet- yet, empty).  Sometimes too much ‘fowl’..

Lynn chimed in with she thought people in San Francisco appreciate a Career more than a relationship.

That was fodder for an uproar of conversation.

Lynn continued to say in Suddenly Single world – where tiny cable cars climb halfway to the stars – that there is such an emphasis placed on what do you do not who you are.

(This coming from a woman who attended Hastings  while working as a CPA)

In true form we covered myriad topics.

What we did agree upon was that, above all, what are important are your passions, your loves, what makes you smile and light up.

We  all need to define who we are – what we like.  The two words bandied about were fun and passion.

I love dessert – loathe buffets- I like to have fun – and certainly am not merely defined by my career- but who I choose to spend time with…


Suddenly Single in San Francisco



Dating at 50 – more fun than dating at 20


News: Dating at 50 is a lot more fun than dating at 20

Think about it: you’re a lot more interesting, smarter, and sexier and have way better life’s stories. And, you don’t have to ask your mom to borrow the car.

You’re Not Alone. There are 20+ million singles back in the dating game. It’s boring playing Solitaire and time to play a rousing romantic game of Hearts. Let’s play!  Where to begin?

Here are two very comfortable ways to get social and get off the couch and out of the house.

1.Talk to Strangers. Your mother was wrong: Do talk to strangers. Everyday. It’s okay, and heartily recommended that you smile and say “hey” to five strangers every single day. Try this new mantra on for size: Flirt, flirt, and flirt again.  Start with a smile. Would it kill you to say hello? Try it,

2. Go Outside and Play. You know the adage: life is short? Why waste time? No more perching over a phone waiting for it to ring or checking your emails 10 times a day. Your mother was right: “Go outside and play.” Get off the couch, push away from Facebook, “The Bachelor” and “Dancing with Stars.”  Get out of the house and join a walking, hiking, biking, rowing, kayaking, birding, debate, tennis, Ping-Pong, or spelunking club. Take up the ukulele, swing dancing, or wine tasting.

See for dozens of social groups in your city.

Go out. Venture out. Find a friend, make a friend, be a friend… and explore where the action is in the City and across the bridges.

Best Advice: Get in the game, get active, and enjoy the new adventures in Dating World 2013.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enoughMae West

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Only five types of men in Single at 50 World?

photo_1ben918_20060901Suzie K  (57, Palo Alto, high school teacher, baker, avid biker, Aires) has been suddenly-single-again for six years. 

She has dabbled in a half-dozen dating sites including: Craigslist, Plenty of Fish,  JDate,, – and by big mistake, Adult Friend Finder. (Avoid any site with the word “Adult” in the title)

She admits to being somewhat jaded and a little cynical- however, she is unwavering in her estimation there are only five types of single men – her age group and her geographical area (Nor Cal) out there. Here is her list:

Slim Pickens By Suzie K: The Five Types of Single Guys

  1.  Mr. I’m So Cool and Single-perpetually playing the field – for decades.
  2. Recently Widowed – deer in the headlights: seeking a nurse or a purse.
  3.  Recently Divorced – hungry and hunting; not Good-will-hunting. Dating around and bed hopping is a major goal.
  4.  Really Only Separated – a married man – wanna be playboy -playing the field- claims to be doing ‘research. ’ His wife doesn’t understand him.
  5.  Desperately Divorced – cannot adjust to being single and needs someone to cook, clean, iron his socks, and hand him the remote control.

Turn On Your Filter

Suzie K is jaded- she has run into a plethora of playboys and dead-end dates. Why? Perhaps her filtering system is on “low” – as in low expectations and low self esteem. Consistently, she spent minimal time getting to know the man prior to meeting. (Hint: Take the time to speak to a potential date on the phone.)

Initial phone calls and emails may not be the Holy Grail – however, they tell you a lot about a person. Asking questions and conversing with a total stranger should last more than five minutes. And, yes, you are going to Google the guy or gal. Why? Because you want to know exactly who you are meeting. A date with a dud or a Lothario is a waste of time.

Ask questions, talk on the phone, email one another a few times. Don’t get caught up in a morass of emails.  Remember, jumping to conclusions and blithely dating –anyone- can be a waste of time, money, and tough on the self-esteem.

Do your homework. And, have fun out there- dating at 50+ should be more fun than trouble.ilove u_-9

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