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Beware of the Marina Playboys?

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Dear Page Larkin,

Melissa, my BFF, just told me that my former “boyfriend” is doing the Marina bar scene has turned into “Mr. Tinder.”

A friend of a friend told her she had seen him on Tinder and he had been seen at various Marina and Union Street watering holes with a different woman, every week. This guy, Alex played me like a fiddle. We, too, met on Tinder. He was cute and flirty and claimed to being way over his divorce.

We had drinks at my favorite pub, and I fell like a ton of bricks. I was seduced by his flattery. He gazed at me told me I was beautiful and later he commented on how sexy I appeared. Prince Charming laid it on thick and, for some reason, I was buying.

This popular pub is famously noisy and one must lean in to hear. Our knees were touching under the tiny table. As he looked into my eyes, he reached for my hand. (Electricity.)  Then he asked if he could kiss me. All this is before we’ve even had our drinks served

I’ll cut the chase and just say I fell fast and hard for this guy. I have met a parade of guys only looking for a one-night stand. Been there done that. This was different. He was sincere. After a few drinks, and a heart to heart conversation, and disclosing we were both looking for more than just one night stand – I went back to his place.

None of my girlfriends were shocked when I told them that Prince Charming sent me a text the next day telling me how wonderful I am.

Then he lamented he was still grappling with the divorce and all that entailed.

Again a steady stream of compliments came the clinker: let’s be friends.  (Wait for it). With benefits. 

I cancelled Tinder. I cancelled Alex the Playboy who is sowing his so-called Newly Divorced oats… corn and tripe.  Please warn all the girls out there.

Ursula

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Dear Ursula,
Thank you for sharing your experience. It must have been painful for you. You are lucky to have girl friends who look out for you.
Unfortunately, your story is not a new one.Beware the wolf in sheep’sclothing and be more discerning before you leap into bed with anyone

Cheers,
Page 

 

 

 

 

 

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Time to put Your Big Toe in the Dating Pool?

Do you take a Swan Dive or Flip into

Internet Dating Pool?

San Francisco: The Dating Playground of Life…replete with lots of slides…a few swings – many merry-go-rounds-and a whole lotta teeter-tottering going on.

 

If you’re like me, and you might be Suddenly Single…

So, you seek out kindred spirits – people of substance, wit, humor, a certain joie de vivre.

You take the time to ascertain exactly what you are looking for...heck, you even make a list.

At this stage of the game – You’ve kissed a few frogs.
Okay, you did more than just kiss that frog…it was dark – it was late- and when he softly whispered “ribit” in your ear…and he queried breathlessly, “Your pad or mine, Lily?”  You succumbed.

 

So you’ve got The List- including a plethora of important aspects, qualities, virtues, facets of man  (Or- woman) of your dreams…
Age, height, education, general background, appearance, temperment, Peet’s v Starbucks, have they read anything SINCE  The Da Vinci code?
And:
The TWO Biggies:

*1. Have they been married before? (How many times? And for how long?)
* 2. And, what kind of a parent are they?

If he reveals he: ‘Only has one more $25.00 child support payment left’
Lace up your Easy Spirit running shoes and dart!

 Perhaps they are 50+ and never been married?
That’s  okay… Ask just  how long was that last  “meaningful” relationship and are they still talking to one another? Why did it end?


Back to The List –

HOT TIP: You should carefully analyze – if your idea of “foreplay” is two hours at The Outlets and Nordstrom Rack – and he is a couch potato…. who “couches” foreplay, fiveplay and every play he can think of with the insipid sentence “I love to snuggle,” Either don the running shoes or get the bunny slippers out. Your call.

On your ‘Must Have list’ – you might list: Integrity at the very top.

We wandered into a unique Marin County ‘Dive Bar’ the other night…
It was an eclectic crowd – and the bragging rights were attached to the fact that some men had logged over 1000 (one-thousand) HOURS at the bar.
One thousand hours – sitting on a bar stool – and thye were proud of it. Next!

So – don’t go there. 
We don’t have to go to bars to meet singles of the opposite sex – nor should a gentleman over 50 be trawling the bar scene.
Get fins, mask, – oxygen- lots of oxygen and get ready for the plunge...into the Pool of Internet Dating.

Plan on having a good time.

What on Earth were they thinking?


The Top Dating BuzzKills: Selfies, Emojis….

“Clever Tim from Portrero Hill ” instantly alienated a half-dozen women by writing his introductory online “Flirty” email using “cute Emojis.” What he perceived as creative – women all took to be childish and primitive. Dull times three, Timbo. 

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“Devilish Denny in Danville” was very pleased with himself. He finally graduated from taking pictures of himself in the mirror to taking real “Selfies.” He was snapping a lot of Selfies… in parking lots, sitting on his friend’s Harley or with a good-looking waitress.  “Selfies, the vanity” are for rank amateurs. Delete them, Binkie.

 

Lusty Linda in Livermore calls herself a Dating Machine.  She now uses Picmonkey to enhance all of her online dating photographs. With Picmonkey, you can crop, erase, improve, and enhance any photo with a few clicks. Like magic. Linda is so good at ‘improving’ her photographs, that, unfortunately, Coffee Date Guys have walked past her – looking for a younger, thinner, woman.

Every artist was first an amateur.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Are you a 2-Timer? Do you Rate a Second Date?

golden-gate-bridge-691925__180We all do it. We wonder, mull, ponder and dwell on it.

We dissect our dates and thoroughly analyze them. Every minute

 Eve is probably the only woman in history who didn’t worry about the competition.

Are  you bewitched, bothered and bewildered wondering if  the first date went well and if he will ask you out again? Do an instant replay.

While a scorecard isn’t necessary, there are some very definite clues.

Here they are: The Top 10 Reasons He Will Ask You Out Again

1. You look exactly like your current, up to date, photographs and he says, “Your pictures don’t do you justice”.

2. You offered to pay half – you are obviously thoughtful and evolved.

3. You both laughed and share a similar sense of humor. Obvious comfort level established.

4. You had one drink – and so did he. Both on very good behavior. Major points.

5. You both passed the Chemistry test with blinking, winking, flashing, flying colors.

6. You each complimented one another during the course of the first date.

7. You enjoyed his company and there was a palpable sense of chemistry.

8. You have a lot in common and like similar things: the Giants, foreign movies, Golden State Warriors, Curry: Steph and other;  Gaudi, chocolate, Blue Bottle Coffee, Camera Obscura…

9. You each have an amusing Internet dating story and refrained from ex-bashing or negative anecdotes.

10. Foregone Conclusion: You both had fun and were relaxed and are looking forward to the next date.

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How is that working for you?

Get out there and have fun

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On the road – Dating Drive – again?

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Buckle Up, Binkie – it’s going to a rough ride.

When you are back in the saddle, again – Suddenly Single and about to “try” dating one more time – take it easy. Breathe. Don’t rush into the  process – take it one day at a time.HEARTSTSandy K.  is 70, single (after about three 5-year long – relationships.) She, admittedly, is lonely and really, really, wants to be in a relationship. She is petite and attractive, has a few interests: loves gardening and knitting, is a retired attorney and is “frugal.” (read: penny-pinching and cheap)

And, she expects any man who dates her to pay for every thing. She claims is it an ‘old school’ tradition and that she embraces time-honored rules. She had one date with a baker, a butcher, and a handle-bar maker. Each time, she was disappointed because each  said, “Let’s split this.” Then they said, “It’s been fun – good luck!”

We talked about the dating path she had taken. Sandra K. was impatient and knew she had let a couple of really good guys ‘get away.’

Why did they leave? It was always about money. She had it – she didn’t like spending it on others.  She is too young to have Depression Mentality. She laughs it off saying she is just like her Scottish Great Aunt- who lived alone, on a beautiful ranch in southern Oregon. She had acres of land, a huge home, staff and rode horses until she was 80. Alone.

Can people change?  For an assignment, Sandra K. agreed to go on a Singles Cruise where she successfully alienated three ‘interested’ single men her age. We talked about her stand-offish, aloof, demeanor. She blamed the men. She took no responsibility for her boorish behavior and said she would rather be single than pay her own way.

Sadly, she is going to get her wish. Hers is a lonely and rocky road.

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The Road Less Traveled

Want more more fun and fireworks, Binkie?

fireworks-574739__180Want more more Fireworks in your love life?

Start with the Golden Rule – Treat them the way you want to be treated and

watch the temperature rise…

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Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
Aristotle

 How is that working for you?  Tell me: Page.larkin@gmail.com

Ladies, Please Google the Guy

Not exactly what you were looking for?

For you Suddenly Singles and those brand new to Online Dating – read this classic story which bears repeating:

One woman’s story of love, lies, and deception.

 Dear Page Larkin,

I’ll be the first to admit that Math is not my strong suit.
I don’t write down every check in a ledger and I around off all my numbers- it’s easier.

However, I can conjugate any verb in three languages. My participles never dangle, and I will never use a double negative. I studied Linguistics and Romance Languages and have a few degrees. None in math.

It was my best friend, Becky, who said those three words that started the beginning of the end of my romance with Donald.

We met online

 He was a filmmaker, inventor, skier, chef and jazz pianist. We were both 50 something from the Midwest. He was polite, attentive and free to travel. He had a varied and colorful career and was a talented storyteller.

He attended two Ivy League schools and Cal and had a veritable alphabet soup of miscellaneous degrees after his name. He mentioned Patents and some copyrights- all this fell on deaf ears. I was swept up in a blizzard of bliss and didn’t read any fine print.

Our rapid romance was both exciting, sexy and fun… and also somewhat unsettling.

As much as I liked Donald, and I did, there was something awry. Remember the fable about the Princess and the Pea? I couldn’t put my finger on it. There was something – was it too good, or too much?

Then my best friend in the whole world, Trixie, asked me a simple question – she asked me about Donald’s age and his accomplishments.

Blithely, I recounted a number of his careers and copyrights, his degrees and all the schools he told me he attended. She looked at me quizzically and said, “This guy is 50 and has done all that?”  I nodded ‘Yes’, and she said those three hated words:  “Do the math.”

 Incredulous, I counted backwards and realize that a PhD., two masters degrees, an MBA and a BA and 25 year career as an engineer as well as inventor, chef in Aspen, competitive skier and jazz pianist might not quite add up.  I assumed he was merely an over-achiever.

And he was always busy and friends all over the world. And I assumed, again, he was telling the truth

Then Trixie asked me if I had “Googled” Donald, it never dawned on me to research him.

Hearts on a line

We met on line and I thought I did due diligence in asking all the right questions. He was the consummate gentleman and the whole Google process had escaped me.   She repeated herself, “Google the guy.”

So we Googled my darling, charming Donald. Guess how many Donald Johnsons there are? How many ‘hits’ Google has for Donald Johnson? Evidently his is a very common name in the United States and the world.

My pal Diana helped me do an advanced Google search. She’s part Nancy Drew, very much a Ph.D. in Research and Development and a dedicated friend. Within minutes, she came up with “My Donald.”

TMI?  Is there such a things as too much information? No, darling, there is no such thing…

 So we Googled the guy – and found out that he told a tsunami of fibs, lies, fiction, half-truths and falsifications.

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Ergo, I punctuated that chapter in my life with a definitive “So Long!” in three languages: Adios y hasta la vista, baby! Au revoir and auf Wiedersehen!

Thank you, Helen of Tracy.

Next!

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Page Larkin Letters: women ranting about rats?

Chicks7 Next! Three stories of dead end dates

 Dear Page Larkin,

My second date with Hank was a hike on Mt. Tam and dinner at his home. The hike went on for miles -mostly uphill – and I felt a sore throat and a cold coming on. He went to a lot of trouble to fix a nice meal: meat, potatoes, salad and ice cream. I’m a vegetarian (yes, mentioned this in passing) and a non-dairy kind of a girl. After dinner he wanted to dance and sit by the fireplace-my eyes were watering and my throat was on fire. I thanked him profusely went home –  I was really sick for two days.

I got a freezing cold e-mail from him saying that he was seeing someone else given my lack of sexual energy towards him. What say you?

Cold shoulder in Corte Madera

Dear Cold shoulder,

I would say, “Next!” You dodged a bullet.

Peace, Page

Dear Page,

Recently I met a cute, bocce ball playing, Pinot Noir loving, 58-year-old dancing podiatrist   online. After an exchange of two e-mails, he told me to call him and provided his phone number.

A couple of days later, I called. It was the most bizarre phone call of my life. First, he asked me how I got his number. I reminded him. Then he asked me my name-again and said he didn’t remember me. I gave him three clues about me and he went cold. I was gracious and he was cold as a glacier. I said, “Adios.”

I am thinking: how rude and what a whack job. The next day came an e-mail apology. What do you think Dementia or red flags?

Totally ticked off in Tiburon

Dear Totally ticked off,

You have every right to be upset by Dr. Bocce Ball. Truth be told, some people  reach out and drop a line to numerous potential dates- concurrently – and are not clever enough to keep it straight. That’s their fault. If indeed the note of apology was sincere- and your chagrin can be erased- you might give him another try.   You can tell a lot about a person in a normal phone call – be prepared to ask him questions. You should hear an instant replay of that apology.

Peace, Page

Page Larkin,

Last month I signed up for online dating. At first, a bunch of guys from ‘The A States” (Alabama, Arkansas, Arizona, Alaska) sent me IMs and wanted to Skype. I live in San Francisco- and have no delusions about dating an out-of-stater.

I picked out three or four attractive 100% match guys and sent them each a short, friendly, note and not one of them had the courtesy to respond. Is it me?

Taking it personally

Dear Taking it personally,

There are some sobering statistics out of out the number of people who do not respond to notes of introduction online.

There is no rationalizing rudeness. However, it does appear to be somewhat rampant amongst the ranks online.   The proper protocol is to thank anybody (within reason) who sent you a nice note. That’s all.

Don’t give up. There are some wonderful single men- i.e. Last Nice Guy -Burlingame

Peace, Love, Groovy- Page

 

“Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.”   Oscar Wilde

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Take the gloves off and put a smile on – the best is yet to come.

Happy New Year.

Tell me your dreams and your nightmares

page.larkin@gmail.com

Q. Where did you get that Shirt? 

A. JC Penny

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Dating 101: A first date in less than 100 words


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One first date in less than 100 words

He said, “Lunch?”

 

I said, “Brunch?”

 

He said, “Nooner?”

 

I said, “Not so sooner.”

 

He said, “Your place or mine?”

 

I said, “Slow down, cowboy, we’ve only just met and not quite yet.”

 

He said, “Do you-Friends with Benefits?”

 

I said, “Benefits? Like Blue Cross? You blew it: too much, too soon, too fast.

Next!”

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“Women are made to be loved, not understood.”

Oscar Wilde

 

Trader Joe’s Top 7 Seductive First Date Treats

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Dating 101: Remember Trader Joe’s: Saves the Date!

Here are Top 7 Treats for a Perfect First Date…

So you invited her over to your house for a drink before you go out to dinner and a movie. Good for you! And, you’re wondering, now what do I do?

Get thee to a Trader Joe’s and get these Top Seven Gourmet Treats-  guaranteed to make your Cocktail Party for Two perfection:

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1. Flowers: Trader Joe’s has the best selection of cost-effective flowers you can find. By three bunches-trim the stems – consolidate two bunches in one vase – and use the third bunch- in another location of your home – the bedroom, or the bathroom…well done!

2. Wine: Trader Joe’s has a vast collection of cost-effective wines- pick out one red and one white. Chill the white. 

3. Sparkling Water: Always have a couple of Sparklings on hand.

4. Hors d’oeuvres: Trader Joe’s is famous for it’s gourmet selection of really unusual a delicious nuts. They are the perfect cocktail snack. People go wild for Marcona Almonds lathered in olive oil and rosemary. Place in a small attractive bowl.

5. Say Cheese: You’ll be dazzled by the selection of cheeses from all over the world. Buy one wedge: try a rich triple cream or a Spanish Manchego.

(Pssst! You might want to seek out the Scallops Wrapped in Bacon.)

6.Fruit: Trader Joe’s has great organic selections. Buy a cluster of grapes for your cheese tray. And, Satsumas are a winner this month.

7.Going Crackers: Again, with the variety. Just in case she’s gluten-free – pick up a small, slim box of the yummy rice crackers- or – live wild and try one of the many Pita-chip choices.

What is better than One Stop Shopping?

A host with the most…interesting approach.

Sweetsge570Yes, the Sirens call from the Trader Joe’s shelves of yummy, decadent desserts and the “Thank You” cards are seductive…

One date at a time…

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