Suddenly Single… Minded

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Archive for the tag “Dating 101”

Are you a 2- Timer? Do you Rate a Second Date?

golden-gate-bridge-691925__180We all do it. We wonder, mull, ponder and dwell on it.

We dissect our dates and thoroughly analyze them. Every minute

 Eve is probably the only woman in history who didn’t worry about the competition.

Are  you bewitched, bothered and bewildered wondering if  the first date went well and if he will ask you out again? Do an instant replay.

While a scorecard isn’t necessary, there are some very definite clues.

Here they are: The Top 10 Reasons He Will Ask You Out Again

1. You look exactly like your current, up to date, photographs and he says, “Your pictures don’t do you justice”.

2. You offered to pay half – you are obviously thoughtful and evolved.

3. You both laughed and share a similar sense of humor. Obvious comfort level established.

4. You had one drink – and so did he. Both on very good behavior. Major points.

5. You both passed the Chemistry test with blinking, winking, flashing, flying colors.

6. You each complimented one another during the course of the first date.

7. You enjoyed his company and there was a palpable sense of chemistry.

8. You have a lot in common and like similar things: the Giants, foreign movies, Golden State Warriors, Curry: Steph and other;  Gaudi, chocolate, Blue Bottle Coffee, Camera Obscura…

9. You each have an amusing Internet dating story and refrained from ex-bashing or negative anecdotes.

10. Foregone conclusion: You both had fun and were relaxed and are looking forward to the next date.

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How is that working for you?

Get out there and have fun

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On the road – Dating Drive – again?

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Buckle Up, Binkie – it’s going to a rough ride.

When you are back in the saddle, again – Suddenly Single and about to “try” dating one more time – take it easy. Breathe. Don’t rush into the  process – take it one day at a time.HEARTSTSandy K.  is 70, single (after about three 5-year long – relationships.) She, admittedly, is lonely and really, really, wants to be in a relationship. She is petite and attractive, has a few interests: loves gardening and knitting, is a retired attorney and is “frugal.” (read: penny-pinching and cheap)

And, she expects any man who dates her to pay for every thing. She claims is it an ‘old school’ tradition and that she embraces time-honored rules. She had one date with a baker, a butcher, and a handle-bar maker. Each time, she was disappointed because each  said, “Let’s split this.” Then they said, “It’s been fun – good luck!”

We talked about the dating path she had taken. Sandra K. was impatient and knew she had let a couple of really good guys ‘get away.’

Why did they leave? It was always about money. She had it – she didn’t like spending it on others.  She is too young to have Depression Mentality. She laughs it off saying she is just like her Scottish Great Aunt- who lived alone, on a beautiful ranch in southern Oregon. She had acres of land, a huge home, staff and rode horses until she was 80. Alone.

Can people change?  For an assignment, Sandra K. agreed to go on a Singles Cruise where she successfully alienated three ‘interested’ single men her age. We talked about her stand-offish, aloof, demeanor. She blamed the men. She took no responsibility for her boorish behavior and said she would rather be single than pay her own way.

Sadly, she is going to get her wish. Hers is a lonely and rocky road.

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The Road Less Traveled

Want more more fun and fireworks, Binkie?

fireworks-574739__180Want more more Fireworks in your love life?

Start with the Golden Rule – Treat them the way you want to be treated and

watch the temperature rise…

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Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
Aristotle

 How is that working for you?  Tell me: Page.larkin@gmail.com

Ladies, Please Google the Guy

Not exactly what you were looking for?

For you Suddenly Singles and those brand new to Online Dating – read this classic story which bears repeating:

One woman’s story of love, lies, and deception.

 Dear Page Larkin,

I’ll be the first to admit that Math is not my strong suit.
I don’t write down every check in a ledger and I around off all my numbers- it’s easier.

However, I can conjugate any verb in three languages. My participles never dangle, and I will never use a double negative. I studied Linguistics and Romance Languages and have a few degrees. None in math.

It was my best friend, Becky, who said those three words that started the beginning of the end of my romance with Donald.

We met online

 He was a filmmaker, inventor, skier, chef and jazz pianist. We were both 50 something from the Midwest. He was polite, attentive and free to travel. He had a varied and colorful career and was a talented storyteller.

He attended two Ivy League schools and Cal and had a veritable alphabet soup of miscellaneous degrees after his name. He mentioned Patents and some copyrights- all this fell on deaf ears. I was swept up in a blizzard of bliss and didn’t read any fine print.

Our rapid romance was both exciting, sexy and fun… and also somewhat unsettling.

As much as I liked Donald, and I did, there was something awry. Remember the fable about the Princess and the Pea? I couldn’t put my finger on it. There was something – was it too good, or too much?

Then my best friend in the whole world, Trixie, asked me a simple question – she asked me about Donald’s age and his accomplishments.

Blithely, I recounted a number of his careers and copyrights, his degrees and all the schools he told me he attended. She looked at me quizzically and said, “This guy is 50 and has done all that?”  I nodded ‘Yes’, and she said those three hated words:  “Do the math.”

 Incredulous, I counted backwards and realize that a PhD., two masters degrees, an MBA and a BA and 25 year career as an engineer as well as inventor, chef in Aspen, competitive skier and jazz pianist might not quite add up.  I assumed he was merely an over-achiever.

And he was always busy and friends all over the world. And I assumed, again, he was telling the truth

Then Trixie asked me if I had “Googled” Donald, it never dawned on me to research him.

Hearts on a line

We met on line and I thought I did due diligence in asking all the right questions. He was the consummate gentleman and the whole Google process had escaped me.   She repeated herself, “Google the guy.”

So we Googled my darling, charming Donald. Guess how many Donald Johnsons there are? How many ‘hits’ Google has for Donald Johnson? Evidently his is a very common name in the United States and the world.

My pal Diana helped me do an advanced Google search. She’s part Nancy Drew, very much a Ph.D. in Research and Development and a dedicated friend. Within minutes, she came up with “My Donald.”

TMI?  Is there such a things as too much information? No, darling, there is no such thing…

 So we Googled the guy – and found out that he told a tsunami of fibs, lies, fiction, half-truths and falsifications.

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Ergo, I punctuated that chapter in my life with a definitive “So Long!” in three languages: Adios y hasta la vista, baby! Au revoir and auf Wiedersehen!

Thank you, Helen of Tracy.

Next!

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Page Larkin Letters: women ranting about rats?

Chicks7 Next! Three stories of dead end dates

 Dear Page Larkin,

My second date with Hank was a hike on Mt. Tam and dinner at his home. The hike went on for miles -mostly uphill – and I felt a sore throat and a cold coming on. He went to a lot of trouble to fix a nice meal: meat, potatoes, salad and ice cream. I’m a vegetarian (yes, mentioned this in passing) and a non-dairy kind of a girl. After dinner he wanted to dance and sit by the fireplace-my eyes were watering and my throat was on fire. I thanked him profusely went home –  I was really sick for two days.

I got a freezing cold e-mail from him saying that he was seeing someone else given my lack of sexual energy towards him. What say you?

Cold shoulder in Corte Madera

Dear Cold shoulder,

I would say, “Next!” You dodged a bullet.

Peace, Page

Dear Page,

Recently I met a cute, bocce ball playing, Pinot Noir loving, 58-year-old dancing podiatrist   online. After an exchange of two e-mails, he told me to call him and provided his phone number.

A couple of days later, I called. It was the most bizarre phone call of my life. First, he asked me how I got his number. I reminded him. Then he asked me my name-again and said he didn’t remember me. I gave him three clues about me and he went cold. I was gracious and he was cold as a glacier. I said, “Adios.”

I am thinking: how rude and what a whack job. The next day came an e-mail apology. What do you think Dementia or red flags?

Totally ticked off in Tiburon

Dear Totally ticked off,

You have every right to be upset by Dr. Bocce Ball. Truth be told, some people  reach out and drop a line to numerous potential dates- concurrently – and are not clever enough to keep it straight. That’s their fault. If indeed the note of apology was sincere- and your chagrin can be erased- you might give him another try.   You can tell a lot about a person in a normal phone call – be prepared to ask him questions. You should hear an instant replay of that apology.

Peace, Page

Page Larkin,

Last month I signed up for online dating. At first, a bunch of guys from ‘The A States” (Alabama, Arkansas, Arizona, Alaska) sent me IMs and wanted to Skype. I live in San Francisco- and have no delusions about dating an out-of-stater.

I picked out three or four attractive 100% match guys and sent them each a short, friendly, note and not one of them had the courtesy to respond. Is it me?

Taking it personally

Dear Taking it personally,

There are some sobering statistics out of out the number of people who do not respond to notes of introduction online.

There is no rationalizing rudeness. However, it does appear to be somewhat rampant amongst the ranks online.   The proper protocol is to thank anybody (within reason) who sent you a nice note. That’s all.

Don’t give up. There are some wonderful single men- i.e. Last Nice Guy -Burlingame

Peace, Love, Groovy- Page

 

“Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.”   Oscar Wilde

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Take the gloves off and put a smile on – the best is yet to come.

Happy New Year.

Tell me your dreams and your nightmares

page.larkin@gmail.com

Q. Where did you get that Shirt? 

A. JC Penny

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Dating 101: A first date in less than 100 words


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One first date in less than 100 words

He said, “Lunch?”

 

I said, “Brunch?”

 

He said, “Nooner?”

 

I said, “Not so sooner.”

 

He said, “Your place or mine?”

 

I said, “Slow down, cowboy, we’ve only just met and not quite yet.”

 

He said, “Do you-Friends with Benefits?”

 

I said, “Benefits? Like Blue Cross? You blew it: too much, too soon, too fast.

Next!”

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“Women are made to be loved, not understood.”

Oscar Wilde

 

Trader Joe’s Top 7 Successful Treats for First Date

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Trader Joe’s: Saves the Date!

Here are Top 7 Treats for a perfect first date…

So you invited her over to your house for a drink before you go out to dinner and a movie. Good for you! And, you’re wondering, now what do I do?

Get thee to a Trader Joe’s and get these Top 7 Gourmet Treats-  guaranteed to make your Cocktail Party for Two perfection:

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1.Flowers: Trader Joe’s has the best selection of cost-effective flowers you can find. By three bunches-trim the stems – consolidate two bunches in one vase – and use the third bunch- in another location of your home – the bedroom, or the bathroom…well done!

2.Wine: Trader Joe’s has a vast collection of cost-effective wines- pick out one red and one white. Chill the white.

3.Sparkling Water: Always have a couple of Sparklings on hand.

4.Hors d’oeuvres: Trader Joe’s is famous for it’s gourmet selection of really unusual a delicious nuts. They are the perfect cocktail snack. People go wild for Marcona Almonds lathered in olive oil and rosemary. Place in a small attractive bowl.

5.Say Cheese: You’ll be dazzled by the selection of cheeses from all over the world. Buy one wedge: try a rich triple cream or a Spanish Manchego.

(Pssst! You might want to seek out the Scallops Wrapped in Bacon.)

6.Fruit: Trader Joe’s has great organic selections. Buy a cluster of grapes for your cheese tray. And, Satsumas are a winner this month.

7.Going Crackers: Again, with the variety. Just in case she’s gluten-free – pick up a small, slim box of the yummy rice crackers- or – live wild and try one of the many Pita chip choices.

What is better than One Stop Shopping?

A host with the most!

Sweetsge570Yes, the Sirens call from the Trader Joe’s shelves of yummy decadent desserts and the “Thank You” cards are seductive…

One date at a time…

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Dating 101: Winks – the lowest form of communication


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The First Rule for Online Dating: No Winks.

 In a very recent poll (single women, 5o – 70, exploring online dating, Bay Area)  women responded they ‘hated’ winks.

( Yes, the word ‘hate’ was actually used – frequently.)
The consistent message was: If you are online and find a woman attractive – write one single sentence expressing interest.
Merely pushing the “Wink” button shows no initiative, effort, creativity or chutzpah.

75% of the women said they ignored “winks” and dismissed the Wink-or “You are A Favorite” as lame.

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What’s a guy to write? Here are Five Fast and Easy One-liners

1. Enjoyed your profile. Check mine out, please.

2. We have a lot in common – hope you will take a look at me.

3. You Rock. I am very attracted to you…perhaps you feel the same.

4. I loved reading what you wrote. See “me,” please

5. Of all the profiles I’ve read- yours stands outs. We should meet?

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Try it! Guaranteed Results.

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Buckle up: summertime is sizzling, are you?

Buckle up, Binkie: time to get ‘Back in the Dating Saddle’

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Summertime – social time – get off the couch and in the swim of things.

You’re not alone. There are 20+ million singles back in the dating game. Like you, many singles are bored playing Solitaire and are ready to play a rousing game of Hearts. Get out of the house and join a walking, hiking, biking, rowing, kayaking, birding, debate, tennis, ping-pong, or spelunking club. See Meetup.com for hundreds of organizations in your zip code.

Adopt and embrace the C’est la vie Attitude. You know, life is short and why waste time? Refrain from perching over a phone waiting for it to ring or checking your emails 10 times a day. Your mother was right: “Go outside and play.” It’s up to you – perform the ‘due diligence’ and find out where the action is (See: Top Ten Places to Meet Men and Women in Marin and SF)

 

Be Brave. So you are ready to start dating again? Want to get back in the saddle? There will always be a Greek chorus of friends and family urging you to get back on the horse. If you have images of a sweet pony- ride dancing in your head, be prepared. The 2014 foray in dating is more like the electronic bull you remember from that John Travolta movie, Urban Cowboy. Best advice: “Better buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.” Get in the game and enjoy the new adventures in the unique and novel Date World 2014

 

Volunteer- check out sporting events, wines tastings, events at the Presidio, Fort Mason, Litquake (in the fall ) or the volunteer based and tres fun Mill Valley Film Festival Festival- all are worthwhile and inspired. See San Francisco’s two very popular organizations: St Anthony’ and Onebrick opportunities. Check Craigslist for volunteer listings – do a good deed and meet new people. Volunteers are love in motion.

Your Mother was wrong: Do talk to strangers. Everyday. It’s okay, and heartily recommended that you look them in the eye, smile and say “hi” to five strangers – every single. Start now. Five.

This I know to be true: Dating at 50+is a lot more fun than dating at 20. Think about it: you are more interesting, smarter, sexier and have way better life’s stories. And, you don’t have to ask your mom to borrow the car…

Ella Fitzgerald singing “Summertime”

And Maya Angelou reciting “I Rise” Could be your sexy, sassy, sizzling summertime themes.

Come on in, the water is delicious.

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Single women: there are only two kinds?

Bronze buddah in the park

I met a man today who told me his secret about single women.

We were both attending a presentation about Financial Solutions in a Time of Chaos.

It was dry, boring, and depressing. At the morning break, we walked out together – both shaking our heads. I sighed audibly. He laughed and said, “Pretty grim, huh?”  He asked if I’d like to join him for a cup of coffee.

In no time, we skipped the dour/ dire topic of finance and we were discussing our social lives. The theme turned into: yours, mine and ours. Oddly enough, we had several similar Internet dating experiences.

John D, is of an age – over 70, tan, well-dressed, interesting, and a good conversationalist (i.e. he asked questions.) He claimed he had done a lifetime of insightful “Relationship Research.” His revelation:  there are only two kinds of single women in the world.

Only two?  Really? Was he cynical, calloused or correct?

A retired Fortune 500 exec, he has lived all over the world, been divorced twice, has a Nob Hill condo and a house in the wine country. He regaled me with entertaining stories about his extensive (and very expensive) decades of dating experiences.

Concluding that the two categories of Single women are

A.  The First Woman is Too Involved.

She has many friends, varied interests (enrolled in classes, takes numerous trips, belongs to a few clubs, involved in favorite charities and volunteers.) First Woman is always going someplace and is doing something.

Therefore, she has no time for a Real Relationship.

B. The Second Woman has Obligations

She either has teenagers/kids living at home or elderly parents and must attend to one or both. And, that it is virtually impossible to date a woman with teenagers.

That was it – his complete dating scenario analysis neatly tied up with a black ribbon of defeatism. Sad.

Who could I introduce him to that didn’t fit that description? I have an address book filled with the names of single female friends who are the exception to his myopic ‘Romance Research.’

The Finale: Cat Woman

Then,  John D. had to tell me about the very attractive, 60-something woman, with gorgeous, silver hair who he recently met. She revealed she loved Argentine Tango lessons and being in the arms of a man for an hour and a half. Afterwards, she blissfully returned home to the sanity and simplicity of her cat. That was all she needed a monthly “90-minute fix.”

He commented he had repeatedly met her “type.”He called it the Alone Together Syndrome. That was lost on me

Coffee turned into lunch and I gave him “My List of The Top Ten Places to Meet Women In San Francisco.”

He agreed to give it a try, and would report back. And, I did get him to admit – there are more than two kinds of suddenly single,women-round-50- in San Francisco.

“Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.”

Marx  (Groucho)

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