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All the Single Girls on Valentines Day






All the single girls!

On Valentine’s Day, all the single girls celebrate life, wear red, send Valentines cards and wishes to pals, friends, beaus, wanna be beaus, and embrace all that is well in their world.

Jennifer broke up with Michael on February 10th. Her roommate said, “Oh, no! Now you’ll be alone on Valentine’s Day!”

Jennifer replied, “I would rather spend the day alone than spend one more minute with that jerk. He was the most immature, self-centered, handsome, rich, loser I’ve ever dated. I am totally ready to meet somebody new!”

When asked what she was doing on February 14,Georgia replied she was going to her favorite yoga class,  then going out for Chai and Chat with a bunch of her friends from class. She was happy.

Lynne has very hot, red boots that she dons every “Feb 1-4.”And she wears a short black skirt over silky red blouse, just because. She loves chocolate, flowers, Valentines, and shares all of the above with friends and close office mates. She organizes the “Feb 1-4 Cocktails” after-work gathering every year. Everyone must wear red.

Kimi, on the other hand,single again and perpetually on the prowl, professes Happy Hour on Valentine’s Day is the best day to score free kisses. Unfortunately, years ago, she was cute and boys liked her…divorces and time can take a toll. A 20- something asking for a kiss versus a 40-something asking for a kiss is light-years apart. Cougar is a good descriptor. Poor Kimi.

Gayle (39 again)opines that all the good ones are taken and there are no good men.Frankly, she’d rather binge on The Last Kingdom on Netflix with her two good friends: Ben and Jerry.

Anne met Ted in an elevatorand they chatted for 50 floors and spontaneously agreed to have a drink. They clicked. She loved the whole, tall, dark, handsome thing with the great suit that he had going on. Bonus: no wedding ring. He found her very alluring and available. Well into their third drink, he admitted that he had a wife at home. Things were not that great. Their marriage was rocky. He said he was unhappy.

She backed off prontito.

As he walked her to her car, they held hands, he kissed her good night. Several times. She couldn’t help herself: she was smitten. Devil may care.

The story goes-he called her two weeks later-they met for drinks on Nob Hill just to talk. One thing led to another and they have had infrequent trysts for two years. She waits for his calls.

Anne’s new therapist told her she was wasting time and sexy energy on a dead-end-dude. All the time she was waiting by the phone, she could be madly in love / lust with a single, available man with no strings and a lot of integrity. It was a lightbulb moment. Anne’s friend had criticized her and advised her. It all fell on deaf ears. That one appointment was a turning point. Anne dropped Ted like a ton of bricks.

Yes, she admitted to being depressed, alone and lonely. She also felt ready to think about The Real Thing. And was open to meeting her Dream Guy.

Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.

Oscar Wilde

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Look before you leap on a Long Distance Date

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Leaving on a Jet plane?    
Long Distance Dates on his turf

Jenny was smitten. She met Romantic Ronnie on a popular dating site. His photos, funny observations and pictures of his new Porsche overshadowed the fact that he lived two time zones away. She said she loved his writing and all his pictures. She shared many of his passions (movies, Madmen and 600 count sheets) Truth be told: she was hot to trot.

Jenny had been in an out of too many sour relationships and was ready for fun, romance, and passion.

After a handful of emails, they spoke on the phone. He was a big flirt, and he said, “Come to Atlanta, Sugar – I’ll show you the town.” (He didn’t say, “Let me buy you an airline ticket and I will graciously pay for your hotel room.”) Her friends told her to slow down, to ask more questions, to Google the guy, get to know him – more than via text messages, emails and a few phone calls.

She wanted to go the distance

She had tons of frequent flyer miles, her cousin lived outside of Atlanta, and she was confident that Ronnie was all that he claimed to be: single, a long distance runner, a gourmet, a  CPA, and a Tulane graduate.

Jenny’s expensive lesson is a lesson for one and all. She threw caution to the wind and flew to Atlanta against all advice from friends and colleagues. Romantic Ronnie met her at the airport with flowers, which didn’t disguise the fact that he was much heavier than his photos; he drove a Ford truck (the Porsche was in the shop) and took her to TGIF for dinner.

He drank two Long Island Teas while she sipped a Diet Coke. Initially, Ronnie was a charming Southern gentleman, by the second drink he was a boor. His active flirting with the waitress was the crowning blow.  She excused herself, and on the way to the ladies room, asked hostess to call a cab to take her to her hotel.

She graciously informed Ronnie that she was going to her hotel and she would call in the morning. He protested. He suggested she stay at his house. He wanted know the name of her hotel.  She kissed him on the cheek and left. The long, expensive cab ride to her hotel gave her plenty of time to dissect her experience with Ronnie. Her friends had been right. She had moved too quickly and made an expensive mistake. She called her cousin and arranged to see her the following day. She would send a polite “Dear John” email to Ronnie and end that chapter.


Top 5 Tips for Long Distance Dates

Long distance dates are rife with challenges. Be safe, be smart and plan ahead.

  1. Always stay in a hotel. Can’t afford a hotel? Don’t go.
  2. Never, ever stay in the other person’s home.
  3. Upon Arrival: Take taxi /rental car to get to and from the airport. Never, ever get into a car with someone you’ve never met. Can you say Ted Bundy?
  4. I’ve got a secret:  be sane: There is no reason to reveal the name of your hotel until you are 100% certain your date is a Boy Scout. (Trustworthy, loyal, honest…)
  5. Keep Safe: It’s a date, not a fashion show. No jewelry required. Keep your valuables in the hotel safe. Or at home.


Tell All:
on every first date  – in San Francisco –  or out of state –  be sure to inform several friends/family where you are going, staying, and the name and address of the person you are meeting. Yes, even coffee dates. Tell a friend.

Can you Afford this Date? You do the math. Figure it out: roundtrip plane ticket, taxi to and from hotel, meals, and hotel charges.  Then tabulate how much time are you willing to spend on a long distance romance?

Jenny used to say all the good men in San Francisco were taken.

She changed her mind before she landed at SFO. Lesson learned.

Her Final Fantasy? Will your Prince or Princess appear?


Feeling like Cinderella or Goldilocks: is dating too hard, too hot, or too cold?

Peggy is a 45+-year-old, Tech Exec who is very cute, smart and driven.

She is a woman who readily admits she really knows what she wants. Ironically, we met at a recent  Human Awareness Institute event about ‘Finding Love and Exploring Options’.

Over lunch, Peggy confided that she had drawn up a list of “The 101 Top Traits” she wanted in the man of her dreams. Incredulous, I asked her if she would be willing to share her list with me. She whipped out her iPhone and pulled up the lengthy -very specific list – which went on-  and on – ad naseum.

She was on the lookout for a man who played tennis, bridge, and chess; No Mensa members, must be a BMW driver, should be 5’8, weigh 168, and have alabaster skin. She wanted Mr. Right to have a full head of hair, preferably black hair, he should have 20/20 vision, and preferably blue eyes. She was specific about the kind of clothes he should wear (do they even make Sulka silk robes anymore?) and she even listed some of the books that he should have read.

I Stopped Reading at ‘Shoe Size’

 

Over mugs of green tea and divine Key Lime pie, I tried to gently talk Peggy down from the (read: ludicrous) shopping list she had created years earlier.  

However, compromise was not in her vocabulary.

She knew what she didn’t want: no doctors or lawyers need apply. Her first two husbands – one of each- taught her a big Life’s lesson, she said.

This time around she was looking for a more spiritual connection, somebody she could eat, love and pray with. When I asked her about her success rate, she blushed and admitted she was at the workshop for one reason: to find a man. She agreed to keep me posted on her successes. She will never be listless.

At dinner that evening, I saw Peggy deeply engrossed in a conversation with a fair skinned man, with blue eyes and a mane of black hair.

Wonder if he kept his silk bathrobe in his BMW?

 

Are you are reality based dater or a Must-Have-or-it’s-a deal-breaker kind of a social butterfly?

Tell me what works for you. Email me at Page.Larkin@gmail.com

 

 

Beware of the Marina Playboys?

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Dear Page Larkin,

Melissa, my BFF, just told me that my former “boyfriend” is doing the Marina bar scene has turned into “Mr. Tinder.”

A friend of a friend told her she had seen him on Tinder and he had been seen at various Marina and Union Street watering holes with a different woman, every week. This guy, Alex played me like a fiddle. We, too, met on Tinder. He was cute and flirty and claimed to being way over his divorce.

We had drinks at my favorite pub, and I fell like a ton of bricks. I was seduced by his flattery. He gazed at me told me I was beautiful and later he commented on how sexy I appeared. Prince Charming laid it on thick and, for some reason, I was buying.

This popular pub is famously noisy and one must lean in to hear. Our knees were touching under the tiny table. As he looked into my eyes, he reached for my hand. (Electricity.)  Then he asked if he could kiss me. All this is before we’ve even had our drinks served

I’ll cut the chase and just say I fell fast and hard for this guy. I have met a parade of guys only looking for a one-night stand. Been there done that. This was different. He was sincere. After a few drinks, and a heart to heart conversation, and disclosing we were both looking for more than just one night stand – I went back to his place.

None of my girlfriends were shocked when I told them that Prince Charming sent me a text the next day telling me how wonderful I am.

Then he lamented he was still grappling with the divorce and all that entailed.

Again a steady stream of compliments came the clinker: let’s be friends.  (Wait for it). With benefits. 

I cancelled Tinder. I cancelled Alex the Playboy who is sowing his so-called Newly Divorced oats… corn and tripe.  Please warn all the girls out there.

Ursula

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Dear Ursula,
Thank you for sharing your experience. It must have been painful for you. You are lucky to have girl friends who look out for you.
Unfortunately, your story is not a new one.Beware the wolf in sheep’sclothing and be more discerning before you leap into bed with anyone

Cheers,
Page 

 

 

 

 

 

Time to put Your Big Toe in the Dating Pool?

Do you take a Swan Dive or Flip into

Internet Dating Pool?

San Francisco: The Dating Playground of Life…replete with lots of slides…a few swings – many merry-go-rounds-and a whole lotta teeter-tottering going on.

 

If you’re like me, and you might be Suddenly Single…

So, you seek out kindred spirits – people of substance, wit, humor, a certain joie de vivre.

You take the time to ascertain exactly what you are looking for...heck, you even make a list.

At this stage of the game – You’ve kissed a few frogs.
Okay, you did more than just kiss that frog…it was dark – it was late- and when he softly whispered “ribit” in your ear…and he queried breathlessly, “Your pad or mine, Lily?”  You succumbed.

 

So you’ve got The List- including a plethora of important aspects, qualities, virtues, facets of man  (Or- woman) of your dreams…
Age, height, education, general background, appearance, temperment, Peet’s v Starbucks, have they read anything SINCE  The Da Vinci code?
And:
The TWO Biggies:

*1. Have they been married before? (How many times? And for how long?)
* 2. And, what kind of a parent are they?

If he reveals he: ‘Only has one more $25.00 child support payment left’
Lace up your Easy Spirit running shoes and dart!

 Perhaps they are 50+ and never been married?
That’s  okay… Ask just  how long was that last  “meaningful” relationship and are they still talking to one another? Why did it end?


Back to The List –

HOT TIP: You should carefully analyze – if your idea of “foreplay” is two hours at The Outlets and Nordstrom Rack – and he is a couch potato…. who “couches” foreplay, fiveplay and every play he can think of with the insipid sentence “I love to snuggle,” Either don the running shoes or get the bunny slippers out. Your call.

On your ‘Must Have list’ – you might list: Integrity at the very top.

We wandered into a unique Marin County ‘Dive Bar’ the other night…
It was an eclectic crowd – and the bragging rights were attached to the fact that some men had logged over 1000 (one-thousand) HOURS at the bar.
One thousand hours – sitting on a bar stool – and thye were proud of it. Next!

So – don’t go there. 
We don’t have to go to bars to meet singles of the opposite sex – nor should a gentleman over 50 be trawling the bar scene.
Get fins, mask, – oxygen- lots of oxygen and get ready for the plunge...into the Pool of Internet Dating.

Plan on having a good time.

What on Earth were they thinking?


The Top Dating BuzzKills: Selfies, Emojis….

“Clever Tim from Portrero Hill ” instantly alienated a half-dozen women by writing his introductory online “Flirty” email using “cute Emojis.” What he perceived as creative – women all took to be childish and primitive. Dull times three, Timbo. 

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“Devilish Denny in Danville” was very pleased with himself. He finally graduated from taking pictures of himself in the mirror to taking real “Selfies.” He was snapping a lot of Selfies… in parking lots, sitting on his friend’s Harley or with a good-looking waitress.  “Selfies, the vanity” are for rank amateurs. Delete them, Binkie.

 

Lusty Linda in Livermore calls herself a Dating Machine.  She now uses Picmonkey to enhance all of her online dating photographs. With Picmonkey, you can crop, erase, improve, and enhance any photo with a few clicks. Like magic. Linda is so good at ‘improving’ her photographs, that, unfortunately, Coffee Date Guys have walked past her – looking for a younger, thinner, woman.

Every artist was first an amateur.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

EarthLust

Are you a 2-Timer? Do you Rate a Second Date?

golden-gate-bridge-691925__180We all do it. We wonder, mull, ponder and dwell on it.

We dissect our dates and thoroughly analyze them. Every minute

 Eve is probably the only woman in history who didn’t worry about the competition.

Are  you bewitched, bothered and bewildered wondering if  the first date went well and if he will ask you out again? Do an instant replay.

While a scorecard isn’t necessary, there are some very definite clues.

Here they are: The Top 10 Reasons He Will Ask You Out Again

1. You look exactly like your current, up to date, photographs and he says, “Your pictures don’t do you justice”.

2. You offered to pay half – you are obviously thoughtful and evolved.

3. You both laughed and share a similar sense of humor. Obvious comfort level established.

4. You had one drink – and so did he. Both on very good behavior. Major points.

5. You both passed the Chemistry test with blinking, winking, flashing, flying colors.

6. You each complimented one another during the course of the first date.

7. You enjoyed his company and there was a palpable sense of chemistry.

8. You have a lot in common and like similar things: the Giants, foreign movies, Golden State Warriors, Curry: Steph and other;  Gaudi, chocolate, Blue Bottle Coffee, Camera Obscura…

9. You each have an amusing Internet dating story and refrained from ex-bashing or negative anecdotes.

10. Foregone Conclusion: You both had fun and were relaxed and are looking forward to the next date.

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How is that working for you?

Get out there and have fun

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On the road – Dating Drive – again?

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Buckle Up, Binkie – it’s going to a rough ride.

When you are back in the saddle, again – Suddenly Single and about to “try” dating one more time – take it easy. Breathe. Don’t rush into the  process – take it one day at a time.HEARTSTSandy K.  is 70, single (after about three 5-year long – relationships.) She, admittedly, is lonely and really, really, wants to be in a relationship. She is petite and attractive, has a few interests: loves gardening and knitting, is a retired attorney and is “frugal.” (read: penny-pinching and cheap)

And, she expects any man who dates her to pay for every thing. She claims is it an ‘old school’ tradition and that she embraces time-honored rules. She had one date with a baker, a butcher, and a handle-bar maker. Each time, she was disappointed because each  said, “Let’s split this.” Then they said, “It’s been fun – good luck!”

We talked about the dating path she had taken. Sandra K. was impatient and knew she had let a couple of really good guys ‘get away.’

Why did they leave? It was always about money. She had it – she didn’t like spending it on others.  She is too young to have Depression Mentality. She laughs it off saying she is just like her Scottish Great Aunt- who lived alone, on a beautiful ranch in southern Oregon. She had acres of land, a huge home, staff and rode horses until she was 80. Alone.

Can people change?  For an assignment, Sandra K. agreed to go on a Singles Cruise where she successfully alienated three ‘interested’ single men her age. We talked about her stand-offish, aloof, demeanor. She blamed the men. She took no responsibility for her boorish behavior and said she would rather be single than pay her own way.

Sadly, she is going to get her wish. Hers is a lonely and rocky road.

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The Road Less Traveled

Want more more fun and fireworks, Binkie?

fireworks-574739__180Want more more Fireworks in your love life?

Start with the Golden Rule – Treat them the way you want to be treated and

watch the temperature rise…

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Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
Aristotle

 How is that working for you?  Tell me: Page.larkin@gmail.com

Ladies, Please Google the Guy

Not exactly what you were looking for?

For you Suddenly Singles and those brand new to Online Dating – read this classic story which bears repeating:

One woman’s story of love, lies, and deception.

 Dear Page Larkin,

I’ll be the first to admit that Math is not my strong suit.
I don’t write down every check in a ledger and I around off all my numbers- it’s easier.

However, I can conjugate any verb in three languages. My participles never dangle, and I will never use a double negative. I studied Linguistics and Romance Languages and have a few degrees. None in math.

It was my best friend, Becky, who said those three words that started the beginning of the end of my romance with Donald.

We met online

 He was a filmmaker, inventor, skier, chef and jazz pianist. We were both 50 something from the Midwest. He was polite, attentive and free to travel. He had a varied and colorful career and was a talented storyteller.

He attended two Ivy League schools and Cal and had a veritable alphabet soup of miscellaneous degrees after his name. He mentioned Patents and some copyrights- all this fell on deaf ears. I was swept up in a blizzard of bliss and didn’t read any fine print.

Our rapid romance was both exciting, sexy and fun… and also somewhat unsettling.

As much as I liked Donald, and I did, there was something awry. Remember the fable about the Princess and the Pea? I couldn’t put my finger on it. There was something – was it too good, or too much?

Then my best friend in the whole world, Trixie, asked me a simple question – she asked me about Donald’s age and his accomplishments.

Blithely, I recounted a number of his careers and copyrights, his degrees and all the schools he told me he attended. She looked at me quizzically and said, “This guy is 50 and has done all that?”  I nodded ‘Yes’, and she said those three hated words:  “Do the math.”

 Incredulous, I counted backwards and realize that a PhD., two masters degrees, an MBA and a BA and 25 year career as an engineer as well as inventor, chef in Aspen, competitive skier and jazz pianist might not quite add up.  I assumed he was merely an over-achiever.

And he was always busy and friends all over the world. And I assumed, again, he was telling the truth

Then Trixie asked me if I had “Googled” Donald, it never dawned on me to research him.

Hearts on a line

We met on line and I thought I did due diligence in asking all the right questions. He was the consummate gentleman and the whole Google process had escaped me.   She repeated herself, “Google the guy.”

So we Googled my darling, charming Donald. Guess how many Donald Johnsons there are? How many ‘hits’ Google has for Donald Johnson? Evidently his is a very common name in the United States and the world.

My pal Diana helped me do an advanced Google search. She’s part Nancy Drew, very much a Ph.D. in Research and Development and a dedicated friend. Within minutes, she came up with “My Donald.”

TMI?  Is there such a things as too much information? No, darling, there is no such thing…

 So we Googled the guy – and found out that he told a tsunami of fibs, lies, fiction, half-truths and falsifications.

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Ergo, I punctuated that chapter in my life with a definitive “So Long!” in three languages: Adios y hasta la vista, baby! Au revoir and auf Wiedersehen!

Thank you, Helen of Tracy.

Next!

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