Suddenly Single… Minded

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Archive for the tag “cheating”

Your cheating heart?

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Allison had been working in finance for 17 years. She was the consummate professional and well-respected in the top floor suites at Embarcadero office.

And she was still single

She was an early adapter at Bumble.com and Tinder and a host of other “Get me a date” sites. “Nothing panned out,” is the way she crisply explained her dating experience to peers.

Secretly, she kept a flow chart: she analyzed when, and with whom she went out with and what she wore, and where they went. One morning, She woke up 33 years old,  and the slow creep of panic took over. She had visions of Mrs. Haverisham-the old maid- bleeding in her brain.

The following week, Raul A., client in good standing (read-wildly successful in Tech) came in the office and they smiled amiably to one another.

As fate would have it, they left the office at the same time and chatted in the elevator and rode 32 floors, alone, (fate?) chatting. He was very polite and cordial. She was professional and a tiny, bit flirty.

As they walked into the lobby, he said he had hour to kill before his ferry – would she be interested in a glass of wine at the Slanted Door?

Bewitched and not bothered or bewildered she agreed. He was tall dark handsome married, zero kids, this would be a professional tête-à-tête.

They both ordered wine – obviously enjoyed one another-she was the first to look at her watch and gracefully leave “the client” with whom she liked. A lot.

The following week, he finished an appointment with a partner and at 4:55. As he walked out of the office he nodded to Allison and gestured very discreetly “meet across the street?” She smiled and nodded, yes.

She gathered her purse, paused a few minutes in the ladies room to touch up her makeup and hair, unbutton the top button of her in her blouse and dab her wrists with perfume.

This time she met him at the door the restaurant – both laughing like school kids with a scheme. Conversation flowed. Allison was careful to limit herself to one glass of wine, and an appetizer appeared. He caught the second ferry that night.

She was smitten. No man had paid her that much attention in years. The next day she had more blonde streaks added, change her nail color to “Jungle Red,” bought some sexy lingerie before she said, ”Slow down, Allison he is married.”

Married, yes and handsome, smart, wealthy, no kids and he texted her once a day which she lived for. There were some slight rumblings, understated, regarding his wife and her idiosyncrasies. Evidently his parents were not very fond of her.

He had a trip to Asia coming up and said would be gone for a week. He asked if she would like to go to a real dinner after the trip.

The week he was gone, she took two yoga classes, bought a new dress, sexy shoes and an expensive bag; she had a mani/pedi at Dolls and Dandy, a massage and facial and had her blonde tresses blown out.

That day, he texted her that he had to cancel the meeting at the office (her heart fell.) However, he wondered if she would meet him at Jardinière the following week at 7 PM She set her timer for 15 minutes, and devised three, nonchalant, noncommittal, calm responses. When her timer chimed, she casually agreed to meet (heart racing.)

Dinner was a date. He met her at the door as she arrived and held her chair for her. The truth began to tumble like a tiny avalanche: his wife was great-well, not really – his parents hated her – she was kind well – actually, very moody, frequently bored, and a triathlete. She was always in training. He had to do all the shopping, house stuff, oversee the cook,  hire housekeepers, etc.

Alison was head over heels and he knew it. She knew he felt the same way. And so it began: the once-a-week date with a married man. She had such visions dancing in her head-Romance, love, the future…

Three months later

People in the office noticed she had slimmed down a bit, she had a new hair do, better make up, cuter, better fitting clothes.  They teased her her that online dating was really working for her. She laughed.

Dear Reader, we all know how this Greatest Married Man love story 2018 ends: Triathlete wife gets pregnant.

Allison was shocked. How could she be? He told they never had sex. Was Wifey cheating?

Surely it wasn’t an immaculate conception.  No, sheepishly he admitted: once, one time, she talked him into “it”.

Now with the Pregger’s wife and the baby on the way, he would have to break it off. He was so sorry. They were at Tadich’s, in a booth in the back, when he broke the news. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, her feet felt like clay; she wanted to run and she couldn’t move. She was in shock. She knew a barrage of words were coming out of his mouth, she couldn’t hear them.

She was wearing her brand-new cocktail dress and new shoes- she had a blowout that morning- the woman at Dior had done her makeup.

Heads turn as she walked out of the restaurant. She looked straight ahead. Stoic.

She climbed into the cab at the curb and went home.

Allison cried for days. She called in sick and binged on Netflix for three days.

Candidly:  No lover, if he be of good faith, and sincere, will deny he would prefer to see his mistress dead than unfaithful.

Marquis de Sade

Candid

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Polyamory vs Monogamy – table for three?


‘Date Watchers of San Francisco’ is an animated and opinionated women’s group who meet to weigh in on topics issues, mores, and trends. The topic du jour was “Monogamy and Polyamory.”

All agreed, the song, “Love the One You’re With“ should have been playing in the background.  As a rule, the self-proclaimed “Ladies Who Launch” prefer to date, cohabit with, marry, and hang out with men, one man at a time.

Don’t Tread on Me – mon petite doormat

Marlene, the group leader, told the parable of her friend who crashed and burned in a dating debacle. Her friend, Kathy, met the man of her dreams. They were in love, inseparable, intoxicated with one another and head over heels for 5 months.

All was sublime until Mr. Right decided he wanted to ‘date around’ while still dating Kathy.  He then wanted to know if she would be willing ‘to share him’ with a few other of his soon-to-be-intimate-girl- friends.

Devastated and direct, a resounding, “No!” was her succinct answer. Mr. Right was perplexed, self-absorbed and gone. Although Kathy was saddened by the experience and the loss she learned a lesson and shared her feelings. She was a whole lot wiser for the experience.

What you get when you cross a polyglot with a polyamorous? Someone who can cheat in six languages.

 While Date Watchers  discussed cheating, sharing and polyamory, they concluded they were all much more Pollyanna than Polyamory.

What happened to Pollyanna?

A week after checking the “Opt Out” box with Mr. Ménage a Many, Kathy was on the elevator at the 450 Sutter Medical Building and ran into an old (50-something) college friend, a dentist, widowed a year before, and a ballroom dance aficionado. From the 24th floor to the lobby they chatted, laughed and agreed to go dancing and now, they are making beautiful music together. It happens.



Mad About You…and you… and you

Jennie, 55, (the ink on the divorce papers was barely dry) had to chime in with her tale of “Whoa!” She recently signed up on two online dating sites. Smiling like a Cheshire cat, she said she been blissfully dating – multiple men. She was like a kid in a candy store. She bragged she was making up for lost time.

The other women listened as Jennie regaled them with her ‘Tales from the Crib.’

“Thirty dates in 30 days” sounded impressive and exhausting. Would a diabetic coma follow her sweet overload?

Two of the women agreed they experienced that same the same post-divorce-euphoria, to a lesser degree. The consensus was that hyperactive, Jennie should slow down and smell the flowers, instead of mowing them down. She was the classic too much, too soon, too fast, fey divorcee.

Jennie said she was perfectly upfront with each of the three men she was dating. The first guy said, “Hasta la vista, baby,” and walked out; Number Two wanted to woo Jennie and was willing to stay in the game; Number Three said “…Give me a call when you’re done experimenting.”

Can You Spell STD?

The wine continued to flow, as did the opinions. Yes, of course, all agreed life is short, however they also encouraged Jennie to slow down, take precautions, get tested, and focus on quality, not quantity.

Marlene, the wise said, “Jen, sweetie, you’ve got ADD. You have all the classic symptoms of Affection Deficit Disorder.                                   It’s been a long time since you have had any action; all of this serial dating is just frothy, light and fun. Get it out of your system and then get real.”

The women raised their glasses in unison and said,” Here’s to those who love us, and here’s to those who don’t, a smile for those who are willing to, and a tear for those who won’t.”

Jennie, of the ‘get in the last word’ countered with: Remember what the late, great Mae West said,

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!”

Cheers.

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Is he cheating on me? Letters to Page Larkin

bed-890579__180Dear Page Larkin,

My boyfriend and I have been going out for two years. We get along in every room – if you catch my drift- except the kitchen.

He is very Vegan and picky, picky, picky about his food. He says I have an eating disorder- and will eat anything I order. (Ha ha)

The biggest problem is distance. He lives in another town. We only see each other on weekends. I think he might have a girl on the side, during the week.

I have been tempted to drive all the way over to his house on weeknights to check up on him.

What do you think?

Tiffany in a Tiff

 

Dear Tiffany in a Tiff,

It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with a couple of wrinkles.

The good thing- food quirks are really no big deal- I am sure you’re aware that by now. Deal with it.

Your concern regarding another girlfriend is significant. Driving over to his home on a weeknight and surprising him is certainly not the best idea. It makes you look like a whackadoodle and could be a waste of time. And gas.

Here’s a thought: why not ask him if he see anybody else? Ta Da!

Let me know how that works for you.

Love,

Page

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Send your query, question, letter to Page Larkin: page.larkin@gmail.com

 

Table for Two, or too many? Monogamy or monotony?


When we left her, our heroine, Kelly, had just ditched Mr. Polyamorous and was moving on.

   The Date Watchers were discussing cheating, sharing and polyamory. They concluded they were all much more Pollyanna than Polyamory.

What happened to Pollyanna?

A week after checking the “opt out” box with Mr. Ménage a Many, Kelly was on the elevator at the 450 Sutter Medical Building  and ran into an old (50-something) college friend, a dentist, widowed a year before, and a ballroom dance aficionado. From the 24th floor to the lobby they chatted, laughed and agreed to go dancing and now, they are making beautiful music together. It happens.

Mad About You…and You… and You

Kelly, 55, (the ink on the divorce papers was barely dry) had to chime in with her tale of “whoa.” She recently signed up on two online dating sites. Smiling like a Cheshire cat, she said she been blissfully dating – multiple men. She was like a kid in a candy store. She bragged she was making up for lost time.

The other women listened as Kelly regaled them with her tales from the crib. Thirty dates in thirty days sounded impressive and exhausting. Would a diabetic coma follow her sweet overload?

Two of the women agreed they experienced that same the same post-divorce-euphoria, to a lesser degree. The consensus was that hyper-active, Kelly should slow down and smell the flowers, instead of mowing them down. She was the classic too much, too soon, too fast, fey divorcee.

Kelly said she was upfront with each of the three men she was dating. The first guy said, “Hasta la vista, baby,” and walked out;  Number Two wanted to woo Kelly and was willing to stay in the game; Number Three said “…give me a call when you’re done experimenting.”

Can You Spell STD?

The wine continued to flow as did the opinions. Yes, of course, all agreed life is short, however they also encouraged Kelly to slow down, take precautions, get tested, and focus on quality, not quantity.

Marlene, the wise said, “Kelly, sweetie, you’ve got ADD. You have all the classic symptoms of Affection Deficit Disorder. It’s been a long time since you have had any action; all of this serial dating is just frothy, light and fun. Get it out of your system and then get real.”

The women raised their glasses in unison and said,“Here’s to those who love us, and here’s to those who don’t, a smile for those who are willing to, and a tear for those who won’t.”

Kelly, of the ‘get in the last word’ countered with,

Remember what Mae West said,” Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!”

Cheers.

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