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The Bore Wars or Top 10 ways to ruin a date

Spelling Game says Help Me

The Top 10 Ways to Ruin a First Date

  1. Arrive late

  2. Fail to apologize for tardiness

  3. Have just eaten loads of garlic

  4. Leave your dark glasses on

  5. Snap your fingers for waiters attention

  6. Monopolize the conversation with your favorite topic: you

  7. Use lewd and lascivious language loudly

  8. Make and take cell phone calls during date

  9. Forget your wallet and ask to borrow $10

  10. Gushing with garlic, upon departure say, “Dude, this has been cool… I’ll call you.  Don’t get your hopes up…”

“There’s no excuse to be bored. Sad, yes. Angry, yes. Depressed, yes. Crazy, yes. But there’s no excuse for boredom, ever.”

Viggo Mortensen

No L-o-v-e? Facebook says Christmas is break up time

Tis the season to be jolly  HOWEVER, According to Facebook, it’s the War of the Roses time and breaking up is de rigueur.

Research done by the elves at Facebook reveals that Christmastime can be called ‘Merry EX-miss.’

Single and Afraid of Another Silent Night?

Finding yourself suddenly single can make the Christmas holiday a totally new, sometimes unsettling experience. These can be the times that try men’s and women’s souls, stamina, and spirit. 

Business Insider reveals that David McCandless did the due diligence on ‘Yuletide dating and breaking up’ by examining trends on Facebook. Research indicates breaking up at the holiday season is a so-called tradition.

Blue Christmas, indeed. And, you don’t even want to know about Mondays.  Is there really such a thing as Empirical evidence from Facebook? Who says if it’s from Facebook, it’s got to be true?

If your December dilemma

Once you were  half-of-a-couple, now you find yourself flying solo – what do you do? Get off the couch, push away from the computer and go out and play. Wear red. Listen to Christmas carols. Invest in mistletoe and wear a sprig on your lapel or on your hat.  

Scour the San Francisco Chronicle for events, read Marin’s Pacific Sun  for fun events; read Johnny Fun Cheap.

 Say ‘yes’ to every invitation to go out; go dancing; see the beautiful decorations on Union Square; master the art of making latkes; learn the words to ‘Mele Kalikimaka‘; throw a Christmas party – at home, with friends, in a small café or a pub.

Got Dates?

A passel of people (see movie Love Actually) who find themselves in the dreaded  ‘kiss-free mistletoe zone’  actively seek out sweethearts for the season. These pro-active romantics re-up on, Craigslist, Eharmony, or Plenty of Fish.

Follow suit: they smile and say, “Merry Christmas” to everyone – especially at Trader Joe’s, Bryan’s, Safeway and default to jolly and bright.

Some say ‘lose the Santa hat’ and lead with a hearty “Merry Christmas.”

(Don’t waste one minute debating the PC-ness of wishing everybody a “MC”)

And, don’t let a Facebook statistic get in the way of having a holly-jolly holiday.

Your mother was right: Go outside and play!

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin,welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at

Only five types of men in Single at 50 World?

photo_1ben918_20060901Suzie K  (57, Palo Alto, high school teacher, baker, avid biker, Aires) has been suddenly-single-again for six years. 

She has dabbled in a half-dozen dating sites including: Craigslist, Plenty of Fish,  JDate,, – and by big mistake, Adult Friend Finder. (Avoid any site with the word “Adult” in the title)

She admits to being somewhat jaded and a little cynical- however, she is unwavering in her estimation there are only five types of single men – her age group and her geographical area (Nor Cal) out there. Here is her list:

Slim Pickens By Suzie K: The Five Types of Single Guys

  1.  Mr. I’m So Cool and Single-perpetually playing the field – for decades.
  2. Recently Widowed – deer in the headlights: seeking a nurse or a purse.
  3.  Recently Divorced – hungry and hunting; not Good-will-hunting. Dating around and bed hopping is a major goal.
  4.  Really Only Separated – a married man – wanna be playboy -playing the field- claims to be doing ‘research. ’ His wife doesn’t understand him.
  5.  Desperately Divorced – cannot adjust to being single and needs someone to cook, clean, iron his socks, and hand him the remote control.

Turn On Your Filter

Suzie K is jaded- she has run into a plethora of playboys and dead-end dates. Why? Perhaps her filtering system is on “low” – as in low expectations and low self esteem. Consistently, she spent minimal time getting to know the man prior to meeting. (Hint: Take the time to speak to a potential date on the phone.)

Initial phone calls and emails may not be the Holy Grail – however, they tell you a lot about a person. Asking questions and conversing with a total stranger should last more than five minutes. And, yes, you are going to Google the guy or gal. Why? Because you want to know exactly who you are meeting. A date with a dud or a Lothario is a waste of time.

Ask questions, talk on the phone, email one another a few times. Don’t get caught up in a morass of emails.  Remember, jumping to conclusions and blithely dating –anyone- can be a waste of time, money, and tough on the self-esteem.

Do your homework. And, have fun out there- dating at 50+ should be more fun than trouble.ilove u_-9

Are you suddenly single: divorced, separated, widowed – alone?

happy womanYou only live twice

 Today, a half-million of us are hovering around 50, suddenly single again, and starting a new chapter – whether we are widowed, divorced, retired or just tired – with the kids finally launched…Now is the time: Your Turn. Get ready to take time for you.

Just Do It?

After decades of caring for spouses, bosses, kids, clients, aging parents, volunteering and balancing – all of the above – now it’s your time.  Don’t waste another day.

You want fries with that? Exactly what do you want?

 For some, finding yourself Suddenly Single can be like the heavens opening, choirs of angels singing Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah, ‎a balloon drop, confetti falling and a cacophony of Veuve Cliquot champagne corks popping.

Others might have a more subdued reaction to finding themselves alone – again – fearing an Eleanor Rigby life.

 Kids, Try this at home: Take a pen and paper; take moment to think, then write-down “The Top 10 Things I Want Right Now.”

Your “I Want Now” List could include a nap, a lover, a dog or a ticket to Miami, Mexico, or Montréal.

 Maybe you want an iPad, a standing/weekly movie date, banishing the grey and going Blonde, a Bunco group, a clean garage or a new pair of Mephistos or Manolo Blahniks. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to go to ‘Sweat Your Prayers’ in Sausalito on a Sunday or Friday night parties at the DeYoung, or to take beginner Tango lessons in Berkeley, or any classes at the Learning Annex. Do it.

Have you wondered where the Andy Goldsworthy art-pieces are in San Francisco are? Find them. Take a tour. Discover Dynamo Donuts Evensong at Grace, Litquake, Bay to Breakers and volunteer someplace fun – like a film festival – not a church. Invite a friend to join you.

Read the San Francisco Chronicle Sunday Pink Section, the Pacific Sun and Johnny FunCheap’s list of events all over the Bay Area. Make a point to do something really fun every week. No holds barred.

Go outside- breathe- walk. Explore San Francisco and all it has to offer.

 If you can dream it – you can write it – put it out there.

 Helga D.  mentioned to her neighbors, just in passing, she wanted a new bike and , bingo – they gave her an older Specialized bike they didn’t use. Brigid told her Pilates buddies she was finally ready to date…slowly and – girls being girls- suggested a guy or two-for her trial dating foray. When Anne P.  was setting up her new newly divorced apartment – she had little or no furniture – Bob and Pam from her school were moving in together –had duplicates of everything and gave her a couch, table, and chairs. Kismet.   

Tell your friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances what you are looking for – put it our there – and see what happens.

Then tell me:


Dear Page: Online dating questions: reveal age and weight?


Hey, Page

I’m thinking about starting on Do I really have to reveal my age? I was raised to believe ‘a lady does not reveal and a gentleman never inquires.’ A friend says I have to divulge my real height, weight, age, income, and education. Why would I reveal this information to a total stranger?

Like a Phoenix

Hey, Like a Phoenix

Good question! On some websites you can get by with a glib “we can talk about this later.” You’re absolutely right, there is no reason to divulge certain information. Your income or your religion – other topics- may be very personal. Your age and weight- will be very obvious when you meet your dates. Be sure to post current photographs of yourself.



Dear Page,

Help! I am brand-new at online dating and I am and lost.  Last week I signed up for Our Time dating.  So far I’ve been contacted by a man with a picture of him sitting on a mule, a man 20 years my senior and another guy claims his ‘best friend is Jesus.’ Another guy who is exactly 1 foot shorter than I am- that makes him 5 feet and I’m 6 feet tall. What am I doing wrong?

Nancy Newbie

Dear Nancy,

Whenever you sign up for new dating site, be sure to specify how far you are willing to travel to meet someone, list your interests, and specificy  age range and height, education level preferences– if that is important.

At first blush, a great looking guy who is 6’, who lives in New York City, might seem attractive, however chances for you, (in San Bruno)  meeting for an impetuous cup of coffee, going for a hike, or a picnic or anything else, are slim to none.

Take the time to be perfectly clear on how far you want to travel, the qualities you’re looking for in a date, and indicate if you have religious preferences (or have no interest in Bible-thumper-fundamentalists.) Good luck- let me know how your fare.


Hello, Page Larkin,

My brother (45) recently came out of the closet, ended his 20-year marriage and is having a dizzying new social life. His shell-shocked wife has decided she wants to go online and start dating. Which dating website would be good for her?

A friend Indeed

Hello, A friend Indeed,

First of all, joining an online dating site after a nasty divorce or separation is not a healthy transition. Indicating that your friend is shell-shocked is a clear indication that she needs therapy, time, and solace. Remember: rushing into dating after a trauma is not great idea. You would much better serve her if you listened to her and politely urged her to get professional help.

Peace and Patience,


Hi Page

I just met Henry (retired, handsome, financially stable) who is perfect, except for one thing. He says his sciatica requires medical marijuana and he grows his own. He has a green house full of thriving plants. I quickly learned not to talk to him after 9 o’clock – as he is loopy. Do I ditch him or stick with him?

Mary Jane

Dear Mary Jane,

You pose a difficult question. Some would advise you to take a look at a 12-step program and take it from there. You might be quite disappointed-if push came to shove- your new beau chose to spend time with his green plants and not you.

Good luck,


Exit Sign

Got time? You’ll need it for EHarmony

After years of being married to Mr. or Mrs. Wrong and the ensuing divorce, many of us quickly sign up for Internet dating. Inspired by those romantic EHarmony ads on TV, we bite.

 15,000 People Complete Infamous Questionnaire Daily

It can take in excess of 90 minutes to complete the extremely long questionnaire: comprised of 426 seemingly inane questions covering “29” dimensions. Who knew there was life after the Fifth Dimension?
Finally, you pay the  hefty $60 for a one-month membership. EHarmony claims the quality of the service and that new-fangled “sophisticated matching algorithm” and unique personality analysis, are so worth it. You be the judge.

 Good News- Bad News

After signing up,  you receive an analysis of your personality and a description of your “perfect mate.”Okay, most of us are seduced by flattery and EHarmony will send pages of prose extolling your virtues. You may be honest, loyal, and steadfast like a Boy Scout. Or eclectic, eccentric and exceptionally unusual. To say EHarmony paints with a broad brush only begins to describe the way they analyze your attributes. Bottom line? We all want to see a long list of perfect match -Prince or Princess Charmings.

From all the TV ads, couples evidently connect at breakneck speed. There seemed to be a lot of happily- ever- after- going on, right?

sad man  Hurry Up and Wait …

Then, much to your chagrin, you learn what the term ‘glacially slow’ means.    A glacier moves one tiny fraction of a millimeter of an inch every several thousand days – just like EHarmony.    Okay, so the exact glacier mass measurements are fiction — but the fact that EHarmony is slow is pure fact.

It’s incredibly, mind numbingly, slow. Be prepared to wait, for a very long time.


Just like Christmas Morning?

Annie, an ‘EHarmony Escapee’ and one of the Yoga Babes said this about her so-called Perfect Matches:

“One man lived 95 miles away and was three inches shorter than I am in my stocking feet. Next, Lauren, a cattle rancher near Reno liked chess and NASCAR.  Me? Not so much. He was 14 years older than I am. Next, Frank of Santa Rosa (doesn’t anybody live in San Francisco?) was a pilot, a triathlete and made his own beer. Granted, I have a preconceived notion about triathlons and I won’t try an athlete who trains 20 hours a week. I want a guy who likes to walk on the beach, not swims to Alcatraz; I like taking a leisurely ride through Golden Gate Park; not at breakneck speed.

The final ‘exact match’, or so they claimed, was Roland from Fresno. He liked cigars, port, his Bible and his six greyhounds- dogs, not buses. My allergies kicked in, just reading his profile. We didn’t have one thing in common.
So, what I hoped would be like ‘Christmas morning’ was more like three lumps of coal. I quit after one month of disappointment.    I’m now on and happier with the results.”

Worth a Try?

One size does not fit all and, yes, there are tens of thousands of very happy members on EHarmony. The website   is a treasure trove of opportunities: you can order flowers, Fandango tickets, buy insurance, and, yes even prescription drugs; there are pages and pages of pretty mild dating advice. Seriously. It may be a perfect fit and first step for your lifestyle and expectations.

Don’t miss the ever-optimistic EH Project Wedding site.

Bottomline: You don’t know what you like until you’ve done some research. Try new avenues, new techniques and new dating sites. Most important? Be sure to have fun on the quest.

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” Vincent van Gogh

Like Playing ping pong underwater

Try Discounts Here

Page Larkin, San Francisco author, dating coach

and dating docent offers

The  3-hour Inspired Dating Workshop

Online Dating: Get Your Mojo Moving”

in San Francisco

Saturday, 10 AM to 1 PM

  • Cost: $85
  • Limit: Sixteen  to a class (SOLD OUT)
  • Bring your current online dating profile, photos and a Dream Date List (more information with Enrollment) an open-mind, a sense of humor, and a desire to get in the dating game to play and win.

Enroll at

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column- click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.

Spring time in the City – 3 great dates

Spring has sprung and, yes, Virginia,                                                                                                        there is more to a great date than just ‘Dinner and  a Movie.’

The Bay Area has no shortage of fun, unusual, diverse hot spots…

The depths and doldrums of winter inspire you to appreciate the more sublime aspects of springtime: warm weather, blue skies, sunshine, and acres of tulips, daffodils and cherry blossoms. Pack away your black sweaters, fleece jackets, pants and pull on pastels. Now is the time for white – everything.

#1.  The Clement Street Crawllet_them_eat cake_7

Everyone talks about Burma Star – and for good reason – fabulous food – super service and overall a delicious experiences. Long Lines – a bummer…Plan oncoming back – not on a weekend at Brunch…and note the plethora of Burmese restaurants popping up all over Clement and Geary…

Start your day at the very popular and delicious Q. Restaurant. Have a mimosa and wait for your table. Vitamin C never tasted so good. After a remarkable meal there, start your journey. No one can be on Clement Street without stopping at the famous Green Apple Bookstore. It has to be one of the top three, best independent, bookstores in all of California.

Continue on your merry way and walk the full-length of Clement St. to the Legion of Honor Treasures form the Louvre, wander the hollowed halls and drink in the diverse, exquisite art. There is a lovely little café downstairs.

Next, hike around the breathtakingly beautiful Land’s End. Grab a 38 Geary bus back. Check out the movie schedule at the unique independent, Balboa Theater or hit the Kabuki Springs and Spa for a massage or ritual steam, dip, and shower.   Hungry on Balboa? Don’t miss the sublime Balboa Teriyaki  3536 Balboa – 751-8895 – pretty good/well priced  sushi, bento boxes, and “rolls.”

#2.  The San Francisco Walking Tour:  Embarcadero and North Beach

Meet at the Ferry Building and choose from the embarrassment of riches: create a picnic from the delectables found at the Farmer’s Market. Start by walking the full-length of the Embarcadero towards North Beach. At Powell street, turn left, walk to Washington Square tuck in to  your yummy picnic.

Feeling energized? Walk up to Coit Tower for one of the best ‘Views of the Bay’ in the area. (Research the fabulously wealthy and eccentric  Lillie Hitchcock Coit)

End the day with a glass of bubbles at the Top of the Mark Hopkins and make plans for the evening.

#3 Getting Nautical 

Take the Larkspur Ferry from San Francisco, sit outside and bask in 30 blissful minutes of water, land and sky; upon arrival, walk across the huge parking lot to the “Larkspur Landing Shopping Center” You can explore and hike the quarry, Sip one of a dozen brews at the Brew Pub… grab a yoga class, visit 24-Hour Fitness or get lost in Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Dining choices runs from really great beers to Three Twins Ice ream, the new and very popular Bel Campo, Miette…and a dozen other options. Sunday brings a parade of Food Trucks…

Yes, the Larkspur movie theater is steps away or you can catch a Marin /Golden Gate Transit bus and spend the day exploring beautiful Marin County. 

Happy Spring!

See An Ideal Saturday in San Francisco

It’s “Spring Fever.” That is what the name of it is. And when you’ve got it, you want – oh, you don’t quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! ~Mark Twain

Hey, Santa! The 200 words women want to hear

Santa Baby,

we need to talk.

Listen to this: reports indicate, every day, women say 1000 more words than male counterparts.

We can talk about this, if you like.

Men are way less loquacious – and they talk less, too

A random poll recently conducted at Curves, a nail salon, an OB-Gyn office and a leading yoga studio revealed:


Top 200 Words that Women Would Most Like to Hear Are:

1. Merry Christmas, the  little blue box is for you.

2. You are beautiful; those jeans make you look so thin and sexy.

3. How was your day? You’re brilliant. Hugs.

4. Here, darling, a couple of credit cards. Take them – go on a shopping spree. You deserve it. Macy’s  is having a huge sale.

5. Can I draw you a bath? Let me wrap all the presents.

6. Of course, I’d love to watch a chick flick on the couch with you. ‘You’ve Got Mail’ or “Serendipity”?

7. Forget the 49’ers. Let’s go walk at the beach.

8. I just called to say ‘I love you.’ Did you find the flowers I left on the doorstep?

9. You’re the greatest. Babe, sit down, watch your Soaps, I taped them for you; I’ll do the dishes.

10. I’ve got mistletoe! You and me? Away in the manger?

11. Hark! Do you hear what I hear? The kids are asleep.

12. You’re an incredible woman (wife, mother, best friend) I missed you and vacuumed the house.

Listen, women may tend to be loquacious, voluble and talkative; we have a lot to say.

A savvy Santa is perceptive and sage.

Spice up your life with the Top 200 Words Women Want to Hear.

You MAE go WEST, young man

Mae West Quotes

A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.

A hard man is good to find.

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.
A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that’s subtraction.

A man in the house is worth two in the street.

A man’s kiss is his signature.

A woman in love can’t be reasonable – or she probably wouldn’t be in love.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,   but with somebody else.

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.

Any time you got nothing to do – and lots of time to do it – come on up.

Any time you’ve got nothing to do and lots of time to do it come on up.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won’t be avoided.

Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.

Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.

Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.

Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.

I always say, keep a diary and someday it’ll keep you.

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

I believe that it’s better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.

I didn’t discover curves; I only uncovered them.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.

I like a man who’s good, but not too good – for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.

I like restraint, if it doesn’t go too far.

What is the best online dating company?

Today’s column is all about “The Best.” 

Is there one single dating site that is better than another? Depends- are you Christian, a cowboy or a playboy, a Geek, an Apple fan boy, a gold miner or a gold digger? There is a site for everyone.

Best Advice: Buyer Beware.

Dear Page,
Help! I just looked. There are dozens of on line dating companies to choose from. In your research, what is the best online dating site?
Paulie boy

Dear Paulie boy,
The best dating site? My opinion changes like the weather in San Francisco – constantly. Let’s see, recently,  I opined that the best online dating site is JDate Why?  Because yesterday, Maureen, a devout Irish Catholic, told me she had the very best success( Romance!)  on the famed Jewish dating site.  Maureen reminds me that JDate has a very pro-active marketing team ( read: Pushy) who are forever sending their clientele suggestions, updates, and pointers on succeeding at dating.

Granted, JDate is like those kids at the high school dances that kept pushing  you on the dance floor. A little awkward in the beginning – and then, voila, you’re dancing.

Anyway, Maureen (“Be Gentile with me”) revealed that she met the love of her life on Jdate –  as fate would have it, her new beau, Sean, is also Catholic (claims he is a “collapsed Catholic”) and yes, they met on the Jewish dating site.

Perfect Match is a lot like flypaper – express an interest in them once and they swarm you with emails. Tread lightly.

Both and are’s more expensive step-sisters. Exactly the same as Match with a twist and a turn here and there it makes for a good change of pace. If you get bored by Match – quit. Dabble in a new site. You can always go back to Match.

MillionaireMatch – Be careful out there- if it is too good to be true – (See: Two Worst Dating Sites)

Is EHarmony a waste of time and money?

There are some (read: thousands) who are totally seduced by the wonderful television campaign ads touting the magic of EHarmony.  Others will tell you it takes forever to fill out the 50-plus pages of mind-numbing questions and that the results are glacially slow. Really, really slow. And, other people say they been extremely happy with the pace and the product of EHarmony. Your call.  See EHarmony: like the titanic or a kayak?

Double Dipping: Try Two Dating Sites at Once?

Dr Diane Kirschner, the lively and popular author of Love in 90 Days suggests signing up on two different sites – concurrently. You might want to try a free site and sign up for a “reputable” site.

Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid are  famous, fast, and free – and, it has been said, you get what you pay for. It is a fun and easy way to test the waters. Take a look. (See:  Say OK to OK Cupid)

Got Class?

Another reader is a total cheerleader for – she re-connected with a high school acquaintance and they are now in a happily-ever-after chapter of their lives. is a veritable gold mine of opportunities for meeting people with interests that match yours: hiking, biking, wine tasting, art, spelunking – there are groups for every taste, interest and persuasion.  Take the  time to plug in your zip code and interests. Every day, there are dozens of events  in the the Bay Area to choose from.

Go out and have some fun!unnamed
What About Craigslist?  See: New to Online Dating


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