After years of being married to Mr. or Mrs. Wrong and the ensuing divorce, many of us quickly sign up for Internet dating. Inspired by those romantic EHarmony ads on TV, we bite.
NOTE: 15,000 People Complete Infamous Questionnaire Daily
It can take in excess of 90 minutes to complete the extremely long questionnaire: comprised of 426 seemingly inane questions covering “29” dimensions. Who knew there was life after the Fifth Dimension?
Finally, you pay the hefty $70 for a one-month membership.
EHarmony claims the quality of the service and that new-fangled “sophisticated matching algorithm” and unique personality analysis, are so worth it. You be the judge.
Good News- Bad News
After signing up, you receive an analysis of your personality and a description of your “perfect mate.”Okay, most of us are seduced by flattery and EHarmony will send pages of prose extolling your virtues. You may be honest, loyal, and steadfast like a Boy Scout. Or eclectic, eccentric and exceptionally unusual. To say EHarmony paints with a broad brush only begins to describe the way they analyze your attributes. Bottom line? We all want to see a long list of perfect match -Prince or Princess Charmings.
From all the TV ads, couples evidently connect at breakneck speed. There seemed to be a lot of happily- ever- after- going on, right?
Hurry Up and Wait …
Then, much to your chagrin, you learn what the term ‘glacially slow’ means. A glacier moves one tiny fraction of a millimeter of an inch every several thousand days – just like EHarmony. Okay, so the exact glacier mass measurements are fiction — but the fact that EHarmony is slow is pure fact.
It’s incredibly, mind numbingly, slow. Be prepared to wait, for a very long time.
Just like Christmas Morning?
Annie, an ‘EHarmony Escapee’ and one of the Yoga Babes said this about her so-called Perfect Matches:
“One man lived 95 miles away and was three inches shorter than I am in my stocking feet. Next, Lauren, a cattle rancher near Reno liked chess and NASCAR. Me? Not so much. He was 14 years older than I am. Next, Frank of Santa Rosa (doesn’t anybody live in San Francisco?) was a pilot, a triathlete and made his own beer. Granted, I have a preconceived notion about triathlons and I won’t try an athlete who trains 20 hours a week. I want a guy who likes to walk on the beach, not swims to Alcatraz; I like taking a leisurely ride through Golden Gate Park; not at breakneck speed.
The final ‘exact match’, or so they claimed, was Roland from Fresno. He liked cigars, port, his Bible and his six greyhounds- dogs, not buses. My allergies kicked in, just reading his profile. We didn’t have one thing in common.
So, what I hoped would be like ‘Christmas morning’ was more like three lumps of coal. I quit after one month of disappointment. I’m now on Match.com and happier with the results.”
Worth a Try?
One size does not fit all and, yes, there are tens of thousands of very happy members on EHarmony. The website is a treasure trove of opportunities: you can order flowers, Fandango tickets, buy insurance, and, yes even prescription drugs; there are pages and pages of pretty mild dating advice. Seriously. It may be a perfect fit and first step for your lifestyle and expectations.
Don’t miss the ever-optimistic EH Project Wedding site.
Bottomline: You don’t know what you like until you’ve done some research. Try new avenues, new techniques and new dating sites. Most important? Be sure to have fun on the quest.
“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” Vincent van Gogh
Like Playing ping pong underwater
Try Discounts Here
Page Larkin, San Francisco author, dating coach
and dating docent offers
The 3-hour Inspired Dating Workshop
Online Dating: Get Your Mojo Moving”
in San Francisco
Saturday, 10 AM to 1 PM
- Cost: $85
- Limit: 16 to a class (SOLD OUT)
- Bring your current online dating profile, photos and a Dream Date List (more information with Enrollment) an open-mind, a sense of humor, and a desire to get in the dating game to play and win.
Enroll at Page.Larkin@Gmail.com
San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column- click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.