Suddenly Single… Minded

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Archive for the category “San Francisco Scoops”

Dating in 2018: Match.com – dream or nightmare?



So I walked into the Friday Night cocktail party at the DeYoung Museum.

A man comes up to me and says, “ I’m 6’ tall, 185 pounds, spiritual not religious, income: I’ll tell you later. I like NASCAR, a Cuban cigar, hot dogs and pizza and boxing. I’ve seen American Sniper three times and I think Lady Gaga is a freak and I like the guy in the White Housee. May buy you a drink? And, tell me:  what are you tipping the scales at, Tiny?

Next!

I climb the stairs to the African Mask Collection and a man approaches and says, “I’m average height, average build, love to snuggle and to shop at Victoria’s Secret.” (What? A cross-dresser?) He continues, “I live in Santa Rosa and I won’t drive more than 20 miles to meet the woman of my dreams -who, by the way, is ‘Barbie.’ How old are you?”

Bye!

Some fancy dance work and a quick escape right, to the Portrait Gallery and another man advances and says, “Hello beautiful! Let’s skip the small talk: I’m Scorpio, very lonely, never married, no kids, live alone; I have a very, very, big, bike. Can I take you for a ride? I just finished “The da Vinci Code” ”and “50 Shades of Gray” is on my bedside table. Want to read it together? What’s your income?”

Hasta la vista, baby!

I exit down the hall, a quick left turn to the Hudson Valley Painters Gallery. I happened upon ‘Mr. Burlingame.’ He is my height, my age, big smile and twinkling eyes – introduces himself and says his interested in talking and eliminating the mindless chatter about astrology and  pets – if that was okay. And then he said, “Your picture doesn’t do you justice.” (A.k.a. The six sexiest words on Match.com)

He proceeded to ask me questions about me and my life and he listened.

 We talked and walked right into the Chihuly Room and later found ourselves next to Wayne Thiebaud’s “The Gumballs” and ended up standing in front of the spectacular new Liz Fracchia painting.

The museum was about to close…and the party was not over.

 We have been together every day since.

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What’s your story? Tell me your dating story: page.larkin@gmail.com

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Dear Page Larkin: Foolish Women and Great Guys?

Party_girl

Dear Page

Satuday night, my new guy showed up with a bottle of chilled Procesco, Mel Brooks’  “History of  the World” and two bags of popcorn – one with sea salt and a brown sugar melange, a bag of M&M’s and, admittedly, an impressive fruit tray. And more chocolate. TCHO. He calls me and sends sweet greeting cards every week….I just am not sure about him. What shall I do?
Bossy Pants Petaluma

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 Dear Bossy Pants Petaluma
Don’t spend another minute thinking about this: send ME his number, thanks! A million girls would love to be wooed by a guy that clever and cute and sweet. Get Woke, girlfriend.

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Page, Help!

I am 55, divorced, no kids, employed and  know I am the perfect date – dozens of women have told me that. My problem is so many gals just want  one date, one meal, one bottle of wine and they disappear. They don’t respond to emails, text or calls. What am I doing wrong?

Clarke Able

Dear Clarke,  You do sound like a great date – what you neglect to mention is the conversation, the general feeling, and the level of mutual attraction. Are you both enjoying the meal, is conversation flowing, are you in agreement in most topics, are you both smiling or squirming during the date? These are all clues to the success of the date. Take Note. Good luck.

Love, Page

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Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.

Wayne Dyer

 

Yes! New improved Shortest Fairy Tale

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It went viral – The World’s Shortest Fairy Tale was all over the Internet.

Bitter or Better?

Hey, Let’s try that again…


Once upon a time”… a man asked a woman, to marry him.  

 The woman said, “No. No thank you.”

… and for a while she lived pretty -happily-ever-after…

She went shopping, hiking, went to movies and volunteered at Casa de los Madres and Onebrick…she danced, frequented museums, book readings, drank really great wine, always had a clean house, did yoga three times a week;  cooked quinoa, tofu, brownies and  triple chocolate chip cookies when she felt like it; she did whatever she wanted, never argued, didn’t get fat, traveled more, had many friends, compatriots, pals,  and buddies  …

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She entertained, went to lectures, bowled, she played and prayed – as needed.  She never watched sports ( except the SF Giants, the World Series, the Super Bowl, The Warriors,  and Wimbledon)  She never wore itchy, cheap lingerie; she had high self-esteem, never cried or yelled…she looked fabulous in sweat pants, designer jeans and Little Black Dresses  and  was pleasant all the time.

photo_1ben918_20060901Yawn. All that got old.

She learned that she was missing an important component…she craved and pined for someone  to partner with, establish  a connection – a union – a much more than mere friendship person.

She wanted to hold hands with, to wake -up -with-in-the morning, to kiss good night and wish ‘sweet dreams’ to every night for the rest of her life. ilove u_-9

She Wanted a Prince of a Man:   

A  perfect partner-in-crime, and play, in plans, to grow old with … And she opened her heart and her eyes and developed a more worldly view.  She was always one to share and play well with others…

When, lo and behold: she met a friend. A BoyFriend – and they clicked- they were a Match, they had Chemistry and Harmony… they got along.

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He was fun and funny, and sweet and thoughtful. They really enjoyed each other’s company. She had her Date for Life!

They were in love and Friends for Life. They planned, played, and lived happily ever after.

The Beginning.


Deckchairs with view of lake

My love affair with Billy Collins

photo_1074_20060214dotttBilly Collins boarded my plane.

I was seated in 17C. He sat alone in 14C.

If my posture was both correct and very erect, I could see him. I could see his head and fractions of his body.

Two of his all-time very best Poetry books, “Flying Around the Room” and “Nine Horses” were in my carry-on bag. I was just reading the poems in “The Art of Drowning” last week. Did I conjure him up? Was he traveling alone? What was he reading? Could we do lunch?

I saw him dive into his carry-on and pull out massive Bose headphones. No subtle message there. If ever there was an object that screamed, “Do not talk to me,” its the “Big Boys Bose” headphones.

Craning my neck, I saw a small fraction of his head, shoulder and arm. I casually stretched to gain a better vantage and decided my bag could actually live in an overhead bin, for a while, thus providing me an excuse to stand up and move closer to Billy Collins.

Nonchalantly, I rose  – happily discovering that my bin was filled to the max – which would allow me to move, oh, so close, to Billy. A great mental debate ensued, “To hi or not to hi.”

A passionate fan for well over a decade – I owned a copy of every one of his books and gave a copy of Litany to every recent boyfriend. I’d seen Billy, in-person, in San Francisco and Los Angeles.  Plus, I had his books in my carry-on. Kismet. I was an A-1, authentic devotee. We both wrote poetry. We both used the word “perfervid” fervently. I had once memorized his poem on memory loss and our writing group did a whole session on his poem “Consolation.

While I gathered courage and feigned nonchalance, a voluptuous redhead in black leather pants and high heel boots, swaggered her way down the aisle

and slipped in next to my Billy Collins.

I watched – pretending not to be staring– as he removed his Big Bose and started conversing with the hussy. I could feel myself bristling and slowly turning into Kathy Bates in Misery. I imagine the people sitting next to me thought I  was acting like a pop-up prairie dog.

Hey! If I’d gotten this close to Billy – what would it take to invoke Michael Chabon? I’d both read the book and shopped on Telegraph Avenue; had seen the movie Wonder Boys, I was cavalier and liked clay. Okay, so that was a stretch.

Dejected and rejected, for the next hour I listened to Lyle Lovett and I buried my head in Sun magazine.

Once (okay, twice) I sat very  tall and looked – they were quaffing and chatting.

There was no consolation.

Well, actually,  I did have that lovely book of poems by my new very favorite poet,  David Whyte… Everything is Waiting for You.

Billy

Are you New to “The Not Married Now” Club?

redwoods528_nHold on!

 Every day there are tons of new members in the Not Married Now Club.

We walk out of the courtroom glazed, delighted, defeated, feeling numb or ecstatic and newly appointed: divorced.

Some of us throw a party – replete with champagne and pizza – or darts and beer.

Others take to their beds, and watch a full season Westworld, Billions, Superstore or Nurse Jackie…Unforgotten or  on HBO or Netflix, barely paying attention.

Some are already enmeshed in a new relationship and seek sex, refuge and understanding.

Whatever your state (grace, confusion, ire, relief) take the proper amount of processing time.

When you are ready, gently remove and discard the shroud around your heart.

It may take awhile. Or not.

Next, shred the mountains of documents and go outside.

 IMG_0346Go Outside:

 Watch the sunrise, take a walk,  join humanity in your new identity as Single: Suddenly Single not married now. Free at last.

Feeling odd and out of sorts or splendid?

 

Take your time to return to a social whirlwind or even  to a small gust of activity.

Even though 50% of us have walked through the valley of divorce, like snowflakes, no two are alike.

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My friend once confided that her neighbor was going to the exact same divorce scenario as I had endured. Really?

She pleaded for me to consult with her neighbor. I reluctantly agreed – we spoke on the phone-indeed, there were a striking number of similarities.

Girls, we aim to please  – it is what we do. (Oprah calls it as the disease to please) I agreed to meet Jaquie for coffee.

She had six months of divorce filings, co-parenting and attorney meetings under her belt. Evidently, I was considered “An Expert Witness” with years worth of E-Ticket divorce-land experience.

Snowflakes

She came to the coffee shop with her boyfriend, Clive, whose picture I had just seen on Match.com.

He stayed just a minute, said he was, “Going to pop out and go shopping.” Yes, he did shop around.

Jaquie and I fell into an easy conversation as similar as we were – we were worlds apart.

She’s been married for 9.75 years and her father-in-law was a multi-millionaire. He had invented Post-it notes or glue 0r something very significant.

She reported she had huge financial resources and that she might go back to school and become a pastry chef. She and Clive had been together for three months and she was quite smitten.                

(I checked later that day, Clive was alive and looking on Match.com) Red flag, sweetheart!

The more we spoke, the quicker the similarities evaporated …our differences expanded like those skinny sponges -simply add water and, bingo. You don’t even recognize the original flat concept.

Keep your divorce to yourself

Good friends may inquire about your divorce.  There is no reason to bore them with the details. So, hire a therapist. Level with your therapist.  Take a spinning class –  do all kinds of catharsis, but don’t bore your friends and family. 

Welcome to The Club

  And know: when you walk into the store, the library, or post office, 50% of the people in line are also divorced… and that group at Starbucks, and that class you are taking? Yep, truth be told:  50%.

Carpe  diem, darlin.

image001And learn the ropes of Internet Dating at the next

“Page Larkin- Get Your Dating Mojo Moving” Workship

page.larkin@gmail.com

 

Is San Francisco friendly? City Slickers or slackers?

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Hey, San Francisco! I say: Play Hard and Work Soft

In my small rural hometown, I noticed most people say ‘Hello,’ and ‘Good morning,’ and ‘Hi’, as they get to work and play in the morning.

Eye contact is involved. People wave and nod to one another. Men and women- alike – hold the door for one another. You hear, “thanks” a lot.    I think there’s more hand-holding in that small town, per capita, than there is in all of San Francisco.

This more convivial behavior is not Amish, Quaker or Mormon. It’s just another mindset. Maybe it’s a throwback to the 50’s. Granted, it  is very Mid-West.

I’m told in San Francisco there’s more emphasis placed on Career Success, than (sit down, drink optional)   Relationship Success.* What’s up with that?

 Why is merely “being friendly” so foreign in San Francisco?

After a week of this time-travel-world, I recently returned to the City.  As my luggage came off the carousel, I was forced back onto the merry-go-round of San Francisco, where we go so fast, we miss meeting one another. Have we forgotten how to say, “Excuse me?”

We’ve all got a blog, we’re Linkedn and were on Facebook, Matchme.com or Eharmony. We belong to social clubs ~ of some sort… and still it is like two ships passing in the aisle at Trader Joe’s?

Did you ever think that just as you’re going out the side door of the store- with exactly the same carefully selected food items in your recyclable bag- that I’m about to buy the same items? And, I too, will walk out, alone, with my recyclable bag?

Revolving doors?

Did we both just work out, see the same film, and go out to dinner with single friends? What are the chances we ski, hike, ride, walk, stroll, or spelunk in the exact same location at different times?

Whether it’s a merry-go-round or teeter-totter – it is a bizarre time to be at the Singles Playground.    

I’ll go out on a limb – unless the ground rules change to involve more social interaction-  like simple  “Hey,” Hello,” Hi,”  and “Good morning,”  

we will all be living single solitary parallel lives – so close – and, yet so far away.

     I say play hard – work soft.

*Article  by Dr Tom Lewis – UCSF

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.

Mother Teresa

 

Viva Viagra Day – March 27th?


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Pill poppin’ American Men celebrate

the Little Blue Pill Day

National Viagra Day is March 27

The little blue pill with life enhancing properties, or promises, has a special day

The Top 10 Prescription Drugs

In the United States, the Top Ten Prescription Drugs include Claritin, Lipitor, Prilosec, Amoxicillin and Prozac;  35 million people in 100 countries are on Prozac.

You are probably wondering: Are there National holidays for any of America’s Top Ten drugs?

Don’t bother checking your calendar. There are no jolly celebrations or festivals for mundane prescription drugs, except, of course Viagra. Yes, it’s true. March 27th is ‘Viagra Day’ all across America.

And, seriously, what exactly does that mean? You decide.

Then, riddle me this: Who would possibly be behind a vigorous promotion of sildenafil citrate? That little old drug maker: Pfizer

Interesting, Pfizer also makes a bunch of the Top Ten Drugs – however, there is not a single National holiday, or festive marketing campaign for Pfizer’s Lipitor or Celebrex. What’s up with that?

Important or Impotent? –You Decide

Now, you may think it’s ludicrous to celebrate a prescription drug with it’s own special day. Others may disagree. However, in America we seem to have a special day for everything. In the month of March, there are holidays to exult pecans, waffles, smoke and mirrors, and our favorite: National Multiple Personality Day.

March also fetes National Doctors Day

No Matter What age…

and Peanut Butter Lover’s day.  Peanut Envy?

To pill or not to pill?

See Jack Nicholsen in “Somethings Got to Give”

and Al Pacino in “Stand Up Guys.” Hello!

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Mae West said it best: “Between two evils, I always pick the one I’ve never tied before”

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The Simon Cowell of Dating at 50 – Page Larkin

Me?  The Queen of Mean? Whatever do you mean?

Dear Page Larkin,

I think You are the Simon Cowell of Dating Specialists. Why are you so blunt and cold? I’m almost 50, back into dating and confused by Skype dating, speed dating, friends with benefits and calls for booty. It’s hard out there and the so-called Boom-Boom Generation needs to be coddled and cuddled.

American Idle

Dear American Idle,

Sweetie, let me get you a pillow and a blanket – you have enough whine. You are absolutely right; at first- it is uncomfortable on the Internet dating merry-go-round. But wearing those rose-colored glasses can cause myopia and tunnel vision. While I do try to infuse a sense of optimism – realism is a much better coping mechanism.

T.S. Eliot said, “Humankind cannot bear much reality.” Bottom line: get real, have fun and treat your new social life with a sense of adventure. Next!

Love, Page

Hey Page,

Two weeks ago, I met a man on line. His photos were all taken from a distance. He says he is divorced and 49. I’m 44. After a bunch of e-mails, he said, “Let’s get together for coffee,” but he couldn’t meet me if it was raining.  Huh? Everything seemed normal up until that comment. Who doesn’t go out in the rain?                      Wondering in Washington

Hey Wondering in Washington,

Not a hair-brained question. The song: “Raindrops keep dropping on my Toupee comes to mind. A so-called Fair weather friend ~ from Date #1  may be a waste of time. Next!   Love, Page

Hey, Page,

What’s the best book I can buy to understand what men are thinking. I used to know the dating game – now, I am totally confused.

Beginners Luck in Burlingame

Hey, Beginners Luck,

The bible for a lot of women is the best selling: He’s Just Not That Into You. Another favorite self-help-yourself book, with candid, direct insights into what men are thinking is comedian and radio show host, Steve Harvey’s   Act like a Lady – Think like a Man  See my column about this book.     This should be  required reading for women. Seriously.

Online Dating for Dummies is a great Cliff Notes kind of a quick read.

Finally, good luck and to help decipher all this – read my column, That’s Rude! Online Dating  TipLove, Page

 

 

 The bible for a lot of women is the best selling: He’s Just Not That Into You. Another favorite self-help-yourself book, with candid, direct insights into what men are thinking is comedian and radio show host, Steve Harvey’s   Act like a Lady – Think like a Man  See my column about this book.     This should be  required reading for women. Seriously.

Online Dating for Dummies is a great Cliff Notes kind of a quick read. Finally, good luck and to help decipher all this – read my column, That’s Rude! Online Dating  TipLove, Page

hat and glases1

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at page.larkin@gmail.com  All reposts permitted with copy written notice and link to original article. All other rights reserved.

The missing email ruins everything?


You may have been have been “Lost in Space”…and didn’t even know it.

It happens.

In the wide, wonderful, world of online dating  e-mails, every once in awhile that very special pivotal electronic message gets lost in “Ether Space.”

It’s the Netherworld, that 10th Ring of Hell where, just like socks, e-mails go missing.

 What? Me, worry?

And, yes, dear- Online Dating Beginner… it has happened to you. You just didn’t realize it. What you considered to be a rejection or a rebuff,

in reality, may have simply been a “Triple E, an Ether Evaporated E-mail”.

Single in Sausalito, Rusty,  wrote Bernadette  a beautifully crafted, romantic poem of epic proportions in response to her invitation for a weekend in the Wine Country. For two days, she patiently perched near her computer waiting for this response. Nada. Zilch. Zero response.

Bernadette sadly concluded Rusty was ‘Not that into her.’

The longer she ruminated- the more she thought – “Heh! Perhaps he was a bit of cur and  the she concluded: “What a jerk. Next.”

Upon return from the weekend of swimming, wine tasting, tennis, chess, and charades with her friends, she checked her emails. There she finally discovered the most eloquent, poetic, e-mail from Rusty accepting her invitation.  Unfortunately, the long awaited e-mail was lost in the far recesses of Ether Space for several days before surfacing. It happens.

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Erin  tells the story of meeting “The most wonderful man from Santa Fe” while waiting for a plane at Denver International. Due to “weather” and delayed flights, they spent 4 hours chatting, having coffee and being totally mesmerized with one another. They exchanged business cards and e-mail addrsses and reluctantly boarded planes to their respective homes.

She  knew she had met her soul mate. And then, she never heard from him again. She garnered  the courage and sent three  e-mails- in three weeks- and never heard a word back from her “potential soul mate.” Chalking it up to a “C’est la vie” event – she went on. Disappointed.

One year to the month later, she was in line at the MOMA and ‘Santa Fe guy’ walked up -looked at Erin and point blank asked “Why didn’t you respond to my e-mails?”  She asked him the same question.

Lost in Space…She is now Married Erin and living a happily ever after life

There is a new saying, “When in doubt: don’t Rescind the invitation, Resend”.

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Time to put Your Big Toe in the Dating Pool?

Do you take a Swan Dive or Flip into

Internet Dating Pool?

San Francisco: The Dating Playground of Life…replete with lots of slides…a few swings – many merry-go-rounds-and a whole lotta teeter-tottering going on.

 

If you’re like me, and you might be Suddenly Single…

So, you seek out kindred spirits – people of substance, wit, humor, a certain joie de vivre.

You take the time to ascertain exactly what you are looking for...heck, you even make a list.

At this stage of the game – You’ve kissed a few frogs.
Okay, you did more than just kiss that frog…it was dark – it was late- and when he softly whispered “ribit” in your ear…and he queried breathlessly, “Your pad or mine, Lily?”  You succumbed.

 

So you’ve got The List- including a plethora of important aspects, qualities, virtues, facets of man  (Or- woman) of your dreams…
Age, height, education, general background, appearance, temperment, Peet’s v Starbucks, have they read anything SINCE  The Da Vinci code?
And:
The TWO Biggies:

*1. Have they been married before? (How many times? And for how long?)
* 2. And, what kind of a parent are they?

If he reveals he: ‘Only has one more $25.00 child support payment left’
Lace up your Easy Spirit running shoes and dart!

 Perhaps they are 50+ and never been married?
That’s  okay… Ask just  how long was that last  “meaningful” relationship and are they still talking to one another? Why did it end?


Back to The List –

HOT TIP: You should carefully analyze – if your idea of “foreplay” is two hours at The Outlets and Nordstrom Rack – and he is a couch potato…. who “couches” foreplay, fiveplay and every play he can think of with the insipid sentence “I love to snuggle,” Either don the running shoes or get the bunny slippers out. Your call.

On your ‘Must Have list’ – you might list: Integrity at the very top.

We wandered into a unique Marin County ‘Dive Bar’ the other night…
It was an eclectic crowd – and the bragging rights were attached to the fact that some men had logged over 1000 (one-thousand) HOURS at the bar.
One thousand hours – sitting on a bar stool – and thye were proud of it. Next!

So – don’t go there. 
We don’t have to go to bars to meet singles of the opposite sex – nor should a gentleman over 50 be trawling the bar scene.
Get fins, mask, – oxygen- lots of oxygen and get ready for the plunge...into the Pool of Internet Dating.

Plan on having a good time.

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