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Archive for the category “Relationships”

Dorothy the Dating Diva meets a Hay you! man, a Tin Man, a Lyin’ guy

Dorothy, everybody’s favorite serial dater, was a peripatetic-romantic. She amazed her friends with the number of dates she went on, each week.

Testing the Waters?
In th beginning…She was a real-live dating diva on Craigslist; meeting new men every week, buoyed her confidence and prompted Dorothy to join Plenty of Fish.

She instantly learned the ‘catch and release’ practice at Plenty of Fish, and she trawled every day. She was exhilarated with coffee dates, walking dates and her favorite, ‘choose a museum and entertain me’ gauntlet.

Eventually, tired of the one site, she decided to become an active member on both Eharmony and Spiritual Singles.

Like magic, Dorothy’s calendar filled with dates. Her friends teased her that they needed a scorecard to keep track of all the men in her life.

She claimed to know, within the first five minutes, if the guy was “A Keeper” or a “Next!”

Her friends counted, she had 84 dates in four months. Dorothy was definitely on a quest to meet Mr. Right. Friends wondered if she was looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now?

 

Deja Vu All over Again

Eventually, Dating Dorothy realized she was dating the same three men, over and over again. Her friends loudly agreed and told her the guys resembled characters on the Wizard of Oz.            No flying monkeys or munchkins allowed.

The first type of man she kept re-meeting, re-visiting, and re-encountering and was a typical cowardly lion: all bravado, no bite.

Take Mike, please.

Mike is a retired jock; at one time in his life he was a 10, swaggered around campus in his letterman’s jacket, had that IBM internship, married his high school sweetheart and, bam! He woke up 20 years later; he was divorced, disenchanted, not even close to being a 10- what with those extra pounds, gleaming chrome dome, and had new bachelor pad by IKEA in Sausalito.

However, Mike still thought he was pretty cool- save for one thing: he was afraid of women. Dorothy classified him as “all talk no action.” Mike could talk a mean story, flirt up a storm, and then he ran out of steam and went home. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He had a great roar and no follow-up. Oddly, Dorothy was, initially  attracted to this.

Hay – Look Me Over- The Straw Man

Her next magnetic attraction was a typical Straw-Man. He looks great from the outside: dashing, debonair, well coiffed, drives the right, leased, black BMW sedan and can talk for hours about himself and his myriad accomplishments. However, there’s no-there-there. A classic Straw Man has very little substance. Dorothy liked some aspects. Not all. Next!

Is He a Tin Man or Iron Man?

Dorothy’s friends laugh when she tells them she’s met a new man at the gym. Again.  Déjà vu all over again. “The Type” is usually a “half iron” man…

Often he is somewhat tall, dark, and mildly handsome and totally in love with himself. Yeah, he has a big heart and his heart belongs to- himself.

Any Psych 101 student would say he must’ve been battered and bruised in a relationship and has created an impenetrable shield around his heart. So much for a two-way relationship.

Our friend Dorothy threw in the towel after this waterfall of fun she was having dried up. She got bored – said it wa a deja vu and she was going to quit the dating scene. The Withdrawals  were hard. In a week – or two – she filled her calendar withe trips, exploring, movies, museums, Giants Games, dance lessons. She loved  joining a Singles walking club.

And so it begins…back at the dating trough.

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Her shopping list for Mr Right was too long

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She calles herself “Sexie Sindie.” She is on the lookout for The Perfect Man. She has a shopping list a mile long.

She won’t date a man who has been divorced more than once or who is living in a studio apartment. She doesn’t like cats, dogs, bicyclists swathed in lycra, men who smoke or vegetarians.

She can’t stand men who don’t use the turn signal while driving and will not tolerate any who use their middle finger to display anger. She hates to see a man driving a car with a dog in his lap. Eating donuts is a very big NO. She has been called a “Picky Eater” by friends and foe. She will be in a panic if it isn’t organic. Sugar is her enemy and she loathes all white foods. Her friends marvel at her love for Kale and Quinoa. The two are her staples, she dabbles in organic spinach and cabbage and Pressed Juices. Yes, she is very very thin

 

What she does like: is a single, employed or retired, guy who owns his own house. A pool ( sauna, spa, ) is extra “points.”  Her long list of “Must Haves” reeks of gold-digger.

She admits to her best friends,  her tiny studio apartment, in the beautiful old building, is a “buzzkill” and she never allows a date to enter her private chambers.

Sindie dated Thomas for three months before he gave up trying to make her happy. He wined and dined her. On their 10th date he gave her a Tiffany heart and she offered a polite “Thank you” and later tucked it her her jewelry drawer. She had sold three other Tiffany Heart gifts on eBay. His would be next. She dubbed Thomas “irrelevant” and moved on.    Alone. Single. Searching and very unhappy.

 

“I love being irreverent. But I hate being irrelevant. I love being irreverent because at the end of the day your actions belie your intentions.

Esai Morales

 

Irrelevant

Dating in 2018: Match.com – dream or nightmare?



So I walked into the Friday Night cocktail party at the DeYoung Museum.

A man comes up to me and says, “ I’m 6’ tall, 185 pounds, spiritual not religious, income: I’ll tell you later. I like NASCAR, a Cuban cigar, hot dogs and pizza and boxing. I’ve seen American Sniper three times and I think Lady Gaga is a freak and I like the guy in the White Housee. May buy you a drink? And, tell me:  what are you tipping the scales at, Tiny?

Next!

I climb the stairs to the African Mask Collection and a man approaches and says, “I’m average height, average build, love to snuggle and to shop at Victoria’s Secret.” (What? A cross-dresser?) He continues, “I live in Santa Rosa and I won’t drive more than 20 miles to meet the woman of my dreams -who, by the way, is ‘Barbie.’ How old are you?”

Bye!

Some fancy dance work and a quick escape right, to the Portrait Gallery and another man advances and says, “Hello beautiful! Let’s skip the small talk: I’m Scorpio, very lonely, never married, no kids, live alone; I have a very, very, big, bike. Can I take you for a ride? I just finished “The da Vinci Code” ”and “50 Shades of Gray” is on my bedside table. Want to read it together? What’s your income?”

Hasta la vista, baby!

I exit down the hall, a quick left turn to the Hudson Valley Painters Gallery. I happened upon ‘Mr. Burlingame.’ He is my height, my age, big smile and twinkling eyes – introduces himself and says his interested in talking and eliminating the mindless chatter about astrology and  pets – if that was okay. And then he said, “Your picture doesn’t do you justice.” (A.k.a. The six sexiest words on Match.com)

He proceeded to ask me questions about me and my life and he listened.

 We talked and walked right into the Chihuly Room and later found ourselves next to Wayne Thiebaud’s “The Gumballs” and ended up standing in front of the spectacular new Liz Fracchia painting.

The museum was about to close…and the party was not over.

 We have been together every day since.

photo_1186_20060227ace hearts

 

What’s your story? Tell me your dating story: page.larkin@gmail.com

Fear and Loathing of Dating in San Francisco?

Since when did the men and women in San Francisco become so afraid of one another?

Does online dating perpetuate a fear of rejection or a fear of commitment?

Perhaps the breakneck speed of cyber dating has given singles ‘Virtual Whiplash’ and an abject fear of rejection. If you are enrolled in a dating service like Tinder, Match.comor EHarmony, you receive emails with pictures of your so-called ‘perfect matches’ on a daily basis. This overload of information may cause side effects of head spinning, heart palpitations and ego swelling.

Photo-Shopping for Prince Charming?

And so it goes: you are on virtual shopping spree with a Photo-shopping bent. Beginners go from diligently reading profiles and daydreaming to simply scanning pictures. Next. It might look something like this: Patrick: 49, tennis pro, poet, chef, looks good, but George, Pulitzer Prize winner, spelunker, yo-yo champ-looks better. Like a kid on an Easter egg hunt, you pick up one brightly colored object and dismiss it just as quickly, thinking something better will come along. This can’t be good

Doctor Love

Dr Joan M, a leading San Francisco psychologist, studies relationships. She recently said many of her clients have more first-dates than they knew what to do with. One peripatetic client met with 90 women in his first year of being newly divorced. He had the classic Clint Eastwood experience and met “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.”  However, once he got past his myopic, “Looking for Barbie,” phase, he got serious, focused and eventually met his true soul mate. It happens.

The good Dr maintains that suddenly single men and women hovering around age 50 want relationships. However, with age, a new requirement has transpired: both sexes have a need for intimacy and concurrent independence. They have quaffed the Kool-Aid and succumbed to, as one woman put it, “A need to be in his arms and then be an arm’s length away.”  The Solution? A healthy dose of compromise and honesty are necessary for any healthy relationship.

Kissing Frogs and Playing Hard to Get

It is your call: do you kiss a few frogs, explore dating at 50 with an open heart and open mind or steadfastly hold out for the perfect Prince Charming / Princess Charisma?

Try this: Open your eyes – and your heart – for a fun and fulfilling relationship with the guy or girl next door. Be available and aware. Finally, look in the mirror: you have to be the person you want to attract.  Ribbit.

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com .

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Flirting with random acts of kindess – oh, yeah!

“All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness, and others by sense”.

Rochefoucauld

George– a real flirt – He is known to  buys bags of Hershey Kisses and says he drops one or two off on tables of interesting women at the library, Peet’s or various cafes- when he is strolling through. George is famous for giving away free kisses and smiles.

Parking Karma Katie always has a pocket of quarters and when she sees the army of parking meter mavens in attack mode, she kindly puts a couple of quarters in each expired meter. Sweet!

Before breakfast, my pal Troyer, always buys two San Francisco Chronicles. He reads one and offers a second copy to any attractive single woman in one of the three cafés he frequents each week. He’s famous for this. Some women love to see a newspaper….others are confused.

Coffee, tea or me? After a month, three times a week, of handing a double latte, to her “Favorite, cute customer with no wedding ring and a ready smile”- Peggy wrote her phone number on the sleeve of his coffee cup.  It worked! They have been dating ever since.

Troyer in San Jose is famous for the “I thought you two were sisters” comment to the mothers of the women he dates. Believe it or not, mothers-of an age- loves this. Big Points.

Eye Contact Eileen in South San Francisco writes that she looks at man, catches his eye and turns away. She looks back and smiles. She says it works every time. Eye contact is an icebreaker and a romantic catalyst.

Mark, the dapper crossing guard on Geary Boulevard, tells most every woman he sees she looks “lovely this morning, ma’am.” Women actually cross the street just to talk to Edward.

Rusty, the flirting waiter at Rigolo in Laurel Village, greets and kids around with every female customer who comes to the small cafe. He is always ready with a compliment and a smile. Needless to say, he’s a very popular guy.

Valerie, the tall redhead at the checkout clerk at the Marina Safeway, a polyglot, greets customers in their respective homeland lingo. People love this and make a beeline to her line. To say she is admired – only begins to describe her life.

Love Story at 80 In The City

Most mornings you can see Henry and Barbara, holding hands, walking up and down the streets in Presidio Heights. He wears a Cal baseball cap and she wears a red Stanford hat. The two octogenarians talk and laugh and Henry frequently picks up newspapers and tosses them up to neighbor’s front doors. The two exude an affection and attraction that most aspire to. Some think it’s good luck to see this darling devoted couple.

All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness, and others by sense”. Rochefoucauld

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at page.larkin@gmail.com

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Dear Page Larkin: Foolish Women and Great Guys?

Party_girl

Dear Page

Satuday night, my new guy showed up with a bottle of chilled Procesco, Mel Brooks’  “History of  the World” and two bags of popcorn – one with sea salt and a brown sugar melange, a bag of M&M’s and, admittedly, an impressive fruit tray. And more chocolate. TCHO. He calls me and sends sweet greeting cards every week….I just am not sure about him. What shall I do?
Bossy Pants Petaluma

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 Dear Bossy Pants Petaluma
Don’t spend another minute thinking about this: send ME his number, thanks! A million girls would love to be wooed by a guy that clever and cute and sweet. Get Woke, girlfriend.

pexels-photo-302081.jpeg

Page, Help!

I am 55, divorced, no kids, employed and  know I am the perfect date – dozens of women have told me that. My problem is so many gals just want  one date, one meal, one bottle of wine and they disappear. They don’t respond to emails, text or calls. What am I doing wrong?

Clarke Able

Dear Clarke,  You do sound like a great date – what you neglect to mention is the conversation, the general feeling, and the level of mutual attraction. Are you both enjoying the meal, is conversation flowing, are you in agreement in most topics, are you both smiling or squirming during the date? These are all clues to the success of the date. Take Note. Good luck.

Love, Page

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Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.

Wayne Dyer

 

Yes! New improved Shortest Fairy Tale

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It went viral – The World’s Shortest Fairy Tale was all over the Internet.

Bitter or Better?

Hey, Let’s try that again…


Once upon a time”… a man asked a woman, to marry him.  

 The woman said, “No. No thank you.”

… and for a while she lived pretty -happily-ever-after…

She went shopping, hiking, went to movies and volunteered at Casa de los Madres and Onebrick…she danced, frequented museums, book readings, drank really great wine, always had a clean house, did yoga three times a week;  cooked quinoa, tofu, brownies and  triple chocolate chip cookies when she felt like it; she did whatever she wanted, never argued, didn’t get fat, traveled more, had many friends, compatriots, pals,  and buddies  …

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She entertained, went to lectures, bowled, she played and prayed – as needed.  She never watched sports ( except the SF Giants, the World Series, the Super Bowl, The Warriors,  and Wimbledon)  She never wore itchy, cheap lingerie; she had high self-esteem, never cried or yelled…she looked fabulous in sweat pants, designer jeans and Little Black Dresses  and  was pleasant all the time.

photo_1ben918_20060901Yawn. All that got old.

She learned that she was missing an important component…she craved and pined for someone  to partner with, establish  a connection – a union – a much more than mere friendship person.

She wanted to hold hands with, to wake -up -with-in-the morning, to kiss good night and wish ‘sweet dreams’ to every night for the rest of her life. ilove u_-9

She Wanted a Prince of a Man:   

A  perfect partner-in-crime, and play, in plans, to grow old with … And she opened her heart and her eyes and developed a more worldly view.  She was always one to share and play well with others…

When, lo and behold: she met a friend. A BoyFriend – and they clicked- they were a Match, they had Chemistry and Harmony… they got along.

love-316640__340-2

He was fun and funny, and sweet and thoughtful. They really enjoyed each other’s company. She had her Date for Life!

They were in love and Friends for Life. They planned, played, and lived happily ever after.

The Beginning.


Deckchairs with view of lake

Her Final Fantasy? Will your Prince or Princess appear?


Feeling like Cinderella or Goldilocks: is dating too hard, too hot, or too cold?

Peggy is a 45+-year-old, Tech Exec who is very cute, smart and driven.

She is a woman who readily admits she really knows what she wants. Ironically, we met at a recent  Human Awareness Institute event about ‘Finding Love and Exploring Options’.

Over lunch, Peggy confided that she had drawn up a list of “The 101 Top Traits” she wanted in the man of her dreams. Incredulous, I asked her if she would be willing to share her list with me. She whipped out her iPhone and pulled up the lengthy -very specific list – which went on-  and on – ad naseum.

She was on the lookout for a man who played tennis, bridge, and chess; No Mensa members, must be a BMW driver, should be 5’8, weigh 168, and have alabaster skin. She wanted Mr. Right to have a full head of hair, preferably black hair, he should have 20/20 vision, and preferably blue eyes. She was specific about the kind of clothes he should wear (do they even make Sulka silk robes anymore?) and she even listed some of the books that he should have read.

I Stopped Reading at ‘Shoe Size’

 

Over mugs of green tea and divine Key Lime pie, I tried to gently talk Peggy down from the (read: ludicrous) shopping list she had created years earlier.  

However, compromise was not in her vocabulary.

She knew what she didn’t want: no doctors or lawyers need apply. Her first two husbands – one of each- taught her a big Life’s lesson, she said.

This time around she was looking for a more spiritual connection, somebody she could eat, love and pray with. When I asked her about her success rate, she blushed and admitted she was at the workshop for one reason: to find a man. She agreed to keep me posted on her successes. She will never be listless.

At dinner that evening, I saw Peggy deeply engrossed in a conversation with a fair skinned man, with blue eyes and a mane of black hair.

Wonder if he kept his silk bathrobe in his BMW?

 

Are you are reality based dater or a Must-Have-or-it’s-a deal-breaker kind of a social butterfly?

Tell me what works for you. Email me at Page.Larkin@gmail.com

 

 

Dating 101: Sex degrees of separation?

Playing Dating Monopoly?

Are you about to jump into the Internet Dating world? Feeling dizzy with the wide variety and vast number of choices of Online Dating services? Are they unique, stand alone entities, or possibly owned by the same Goliath Internet giant?

Dating neophyte, Sally said she envisioned Match.com to be a huge building, filled with employees who were romantics at heart, just like Cupid.

She imagined a sea of matchmakers, glued to the their computers, fatefully creating dates for life. She knew somewhere she had a perfect match, a twin: a non smoking, dog loving, petite, Gemini, middle child, NASCAR fan, rock climbing, New York Times puzzle lover.   

Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus.

However, Sally, there is no such thing as a real computer based Cupid.

Who’s your daddy?

If you were to do a search for top Internet dating companies you might be amazed to learn that dating sites: Match, Chemistry, Singleparentmeet, Blackpeoplemeet, Seniorpeoplemeet, Bbpeoplemeet, Loveandseek, all have the same parent company. They are all integral parts the Internet giant IAC owned by that ‘king of the media world’, IAC CEO Barry Diller.

What the heck is an IAC, you ask? George Orwell’s 1984 pales by comparison.Internet Giant, IAC is in your business and in multiple facets of your life. IAC owns Ask.com, Dictionary, Citysearch, EVite.com, Urbanspoon, Vimeo, Hotwire, Lending Tree, and Excite, Expedia, and Ticketmaster, plus a host of other sites.

No need to go dystopian about this, but, do take note. A lot of notes.

Baddoo and Bad News:The Russians are Meddling: Who owns Tinder? Bumble?

Badoo, founded in 2006 …launched in 2009 (3 years before Tinder), is headquartered in London with an office in Moscow.

Today it employs 300 developers, 80 of whom are women, who run Badoo and also provide support to Huggle, Chappy and Bumble.

The Russian Cupid, Andreev says his  biggest business, flagship Badoo,  launched a facial recognition feature in late 2017.

The feature allows users to upload an image of a person they like and find other Badoo users who look similar. “People really love it,” Andreev said.

Andreev refuses to share revenue figures for Badoo, but said the publicly traded IAC  operates online dating sites including OkCupid and Tinder, was a good comparison.

IAC which has a $12.2 billion market cap, reported $1.3 billion in revenue for 2017.

The Russian states, “We are smaller, but we are still a pretty big player.”

My love affair with Billy Collins

photo_1074_20060214dotttBilly Collins boarded my plane.

I was seated in 17C. He sat alone in 14C.

If my posture was both correct and very erect, I could see him. I could see his head and fractions of his body.

Two of his all-time very best Poetry books, “Flying Around the Room” and “Nine Horses” were in my carry-on bag. I was just reading the poems in “The Art of Drowning” last week. Did I conjure him up? Was he traveling alone? What was he reading? Could we do lunch?

I saw him dive into his carry-on and pull out massive Bose headphones. No subtle message there. If ever there was an object that screamed, “Do not talk to me,” its the “Big Boys Bose” headphones.

Craning my neck, I saw a small fraction of his head, shoulder and arm. I casually stretched to gain a better vantage and decided my bag could actually live in an overhead bin, for a while, thus providing me an excuse to stand up and move closer to Billy Collins.

Nonchalantly, I rose  – happily discovering that my bin was filled to the max – which would allow me to move, oh, so close, to Billy. A great mental debate ensued, “To hi or not to hi.”

A passionate fan for well over a decade – I owned a copy of every one of his books and gave a copy of Litany to every recent boyfriend. I’d seen Billy, in-person, in San Francisco and Los Angeles.  Plus, I had his books in my carry-on. Kismet. I was an A-1, authentic devotee. We both wrote poetry. We both used the word “perfervid” fervently. I had once memorized his poem on memory loss and our writing group did a whole session on his poem “Consolation.

While I gathered courage and feigned nonchalance, a voluptuous redhead in black leather pants and high heel boots, swaggered her way down the aisle

and slipped in next to my Billy Collins.

I watched – pretending not to be staring– as he removed his Big Bose and started conversing with the hussy. I could feel myself bristling and slowly turning into Kathy Bates in Misery. I imagine the people sitting next to me thought I  was acting like a pop-up prairie dog.

Hey! If I’d gotten this close to Billy – what would it take to invoke Michael Chabon? I’d both read the book and shopped on Telegraph Avenue; had seen the movie Wonder Boys, I was cavalier and liked clay. Okay, so that was a stretch.

Dejected and rejected, for the next hour I listened to Lyle Lovett and I buried my head in Sun magazine.

Once (okay, twice) I sat very  tall and looked – they were quaffing and chatting.

There was no consolation.

Well, actually,  I did have that lovely book of poems by my new very favorite poet,  David Whyte… Everything is Waiting for You.

Billy

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