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Flirt first, talk later: Flirters Anonymous Invade SF


Their Motto: Flirt First, Talk Later

Twelve women gathered at the St. Francis Hotel lobby bar – the Clock Bar– at 4 PM for  a refresher course in Flirting and Fun. The women were graduates of Larkin’s “Flirt First, Talk Later” course in June.

The group had been entertained and instructed in The Power of Flirting. Each was well practiced in the basic flirting rules of engagement: smiling, eye contact, being approachable and initiating conversation. The woman knew the subtle effects of playing with her hair and jewelry; and all well aware of the impact of delicate and more pronounced forms of Flirtation 101.

Caps and Evening Gowns?

The downtown event was the much-anticipated Graduation Exercise. The coterie enjoyed one French 75, 30 minutes of show and tell, a review, and much laughter. The women were ready to cover Union Square. The self-proclaimed, ‘Darling Dozen’ were divided into groups of three and were given a list of  activities. The list resembled a Scavenger Hunt.

First, each team had to visit one Union Square vicinity pub and ask the bartender for “The best drink of the day” recipe and to be photographed with the bartender. Next, each woman was to introduce herself to one single male; procure his business card; and practice three flirting techniques.

They were on a quest to locate the following items:

  • A department store sample of men’s cologne
  • One swizzle stick
  • One hotel brochure
  • Eight business cards from eight different men
  • One flower from a Union Square flower cart
  • One map of downtown San Francisco
  • A photo of each woman with six single, age appropriate, men
  • One single, spontaneous, man who lived within 40 miles of San Francisco

They were given two hours to complete their list and each had a cell phone camera.

Round Two – Rasputin

Team One was told to start at Rasputin Records and stand in the Jazz Music section. Each woman was to engage two men in conversation (i.e. Have you seen Keith Jarrett in person? Where is Dave Brubeck? Which CD is your favorite? Are you a big jazz fan? Are you single?) The other groups were given similar directives and were directed to the men’s department or the food court at Macy’s,  Bloomingdale’s or Nordstrom.

L.A.L.A.S Flirting Cards
Each woman was a given a dozen Flirting Cards.

The special LALAS FlirtingCard indicated she was part of the LALAS Flirting Coterie- on a Scavenger Hunt requiring her to speak to an attractive single male. During each conversation, the woman had to decide if she wanted to share her phone number or dating-only-Gmail- address (special Gmail account used solely for online dating and LALAS correspondence.)

After 90 minutes, the goal was to locate and interview one gentleman and to invite him to the Union Square hot spot: Mortons’s to the informal gathering and celebration. Twelve women found 11 men who were spontaneous, available and willing to meet the Flirting Coterie.

Two hours later

The Darling Dozen returned to the bar  with men who were good sports and spontaneous and willing to meet 12 single women. The Flirting Coterie, with 11 new friends, enjoyed two hours of laughter and libation. All in attendance were converts to the active flirting movement. How about you? Want to sign up?

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner Page Larkin welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com. Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column — .
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Page Larkin’s Best of San Francisco

guys-i-datesd
Here Are My 2019 Best of San Francisco Tips, Scoops, Ideas, 
idee fixe

Zap it, map it, print it, share it, keep it in your glove-box and use these “Best of San Francisco” scoops, tips and ideas- Enjoy the ride.

Best French Restaurant: La Folie

2316 Polk Street San Francisco, CA 94109 (415)-776-5577

Best Yoga/Massage: The Mindful Body

2876 California St San Francisco, CA 94115 (415) 931-2639

Best Candy, Sweets and Treats: The Candy Store

1507 Vallejo Street San Francisco, CA 94100

Best Saturday Night Date Blues shows on Union Square: Biscuit and Blues- seek out Earl Thomas- Last Saturday of the month.

Best Bookstore: Green Apple Books

506 Clement Street San Francisco, CA 94118 (415) 387-2272

Best Toy Store/Adult: Good Vibrations

603 Valencia Street San Francisco, CA 94110 (415) 522-5460

Best Need a Make-over? Best Hair Salon: Jackson Place Salon with Liz

633 Battery St San Francisco, CA 94111 (415) 399-1044

Best Pie and Coffee Date Place: 2316

1240 9th Ave San Francisco, CA 94122 (415) 665-9912

Best World’s Fair Calibre Palace Date Place: The Palace of Fine Arts

3301 Lyon Street San Francisco, CA 94123 415) 563-6504

Best Sell Your Gold: San Francisco Gold Buyer

255 West Portal Ave San Francisco, CA 94127 (415) 566-1111

Best Walgreens in the City: Franklin Street at Post St

1301 Franklin St San Francisco, CA 94107 (415) 775-6706

Best Knife Sharpener in the City: Galen at Town Cutler

1005 Bush St San Francisco, CA 94109 (415) 359-1519

Best Need Furniture for New Nest? Best Consignment Store: Design Plus

333 Folsom at Eighth, San Francisco, CA

Best Tenderloin Dive Bar: The Ha-Ra Club

875 Geary St, San Francisco, CA 94101

Best -All the rage- Bakery b Patissiere

2821 California Street, San Francisco, CA 94118 (415 440-1700)

Best Wedding Photographer: Christopher Briscoe

287 4th St Ashland, Oregon 97520 (541) 488-2005 (Simply too cool not to mention)

Best Moving in Together? Best Moving and Storage: Cunningham Movers

1250 Van Dyke Ave San Francisco, CA 94124 (415) 854-0524

Best Volvo Repair Auto 280

1315 Ocean Ave San Francisco, CA 94112 (415) 333-8622

Best Couples Massage and Facials: Chez Shivy

350 Lawton St San Francisco, CA 94122 (415) 566-8316

Best Chain Bakery owned by Starbucks: La Boulange – (multiple Bay Area locations)

Best Great Date with Pomme frites, French 75’s and Oysters ‘on the half’: Absinthe

398 Hayes Street San Francisco, CA 94102 (415) 551-1590

Here and now is the time to play in San Francisco. Remember, play is not a luxury – it is a necessity.

Say, ‘Yes!’ to every single invitation, and to go outside and play.

This is your brain on Match: Week #1


Kid-4

The first week on Match.com is totally intoxicating.

On your mark, get set, Go!

You spent time and money to get in the game. You posted some cool photos of your good-looking self. You read three dozen other profiles to see what the competition is writing. You spent hours penning answers to a ton of questions. (Match is not as daunting as the “Famed 400+ Eharmony inane questions.)

After a round of spell-check and a few re-reads/re-writes – you pull the trigger and wait for the party to begin.

One must sort though dozens of photos

You said you want to date someone in the Bay Area and the boys from the A-States (Arizona, Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas)  are sending you winks, blinks, notes and flirts. Totally Geographically Undesirable.

In time,  you get pretty good at sending out “Intro’s” and waiting for responses.

You exchange emails – chat on the phone, text a tiny bit, and meet with a few people for coffee. With some there is chemistry – and others – not a match!coffee-690453__180

How long can you “coffee date?” For months or for years? It is your call.

This is your brain on Match after two years:

Take a break – take a breather – try another online dating site – and remain optimistic. There are so many Happily Every After Match.com Stories out there…keep your eyes and your heart open.

LOVE 27  Romance Happens.

Super Bowl Ads: like Dating after 50?

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 The Super Bowl  TV Ads – just like Dating at 50, 60…

The people you meet while swiping Online Dating Sites can be Very Fox-y:  All Flash- No Content.

In 2019, Bumble wants you to swipe soon and Pepsi launches new Bubly want you to quaff quick while all those Beer  Beer Beer ads flow…

Ole! You’ve met Avocados de Mexico  types – try to  attempt to  seduce tastebuds with free appetizers Oh my, Guac!

And expext the  usual Whopper from Burger King …

Spots for KIA and Hyundai will be  back…or as confused and ugly and the

photo_21523_20120317or they are so boring – you make a run  for it

and dive into the Buffet Table…

If you are lucky,  you may meet a Fred Astaire wannabe – like Sean of TurboTax Fame

who will trip the light fantastic with you – and help you with your taxes

and get you a refund: a trifecta.photo_184_20051014Online Dates- just like the TV Ads – can be Good….Bad…or Ugly…

It is up to you get in the game,

give it your all, try new passes, new lines, 

  and play well with others.

In dating at any age, if at first you don’t succeed –

Change the Channel.

 

Like Tinder, Bumble  is based on users swiping right ( Yes) or left ( No) as you view profiles and  matches in your

area, but with one key difference:

After two heterosexual people match on Bumble, the Lady gets to message the Gentleman first.

Don’t you dare Ghost her

Don’t even think about it – This thing called Ghosting

 

Beware the Man without the Spine

Casey the Bachelor  (63 admits to 59, car fanatic, Warriors fan, proud Sci-Fi fanatic since he was 16) thought he was quite the ladies man…Women didn’t.

He was one of the first to traipse through the original old dating sites (Jdate, Yahoo.date, Aol.com date…) throwing his hat in the ring…crashing and burning more than kissing and scoring. He knew it was The Women’s fault – not him – they were too picky, too dull, too everything. He would take a break, then try again.

Flash forward and a couple of decades of Third Date Rejection Syndrome and he decided he could give it as good as he got it.

He decide to go Casper...

First, he changed his dating profile, big time. He bragged about cars,boats, trips and his job. He elevated himself to CEO and was flooded with women now interersted in the once nerdy, stamp collector with a wine collection from Safeway

Casey was like a house on fire…This was a first:  so many women interested in him – well, he did “lift” a photo of a handsome guy and insert it in his profile…

And, he found a photo of a puppy… Chick Bait 101

With this landfall of interest, Casey spent hours throwing out a hook…then another….he spun gradiose webs about his 6 bedroom – 6 bath home in Tahoe, a Nob Hill address, Teslas (plural) Cobalt speed boats, a love of wine…Boo.

It was Wendy in Daly City, then Kareyn in  Sausalito, BB in SSF, and Kitsy in Sacramento he lured –

teased with heary firtations,layers of lies and then Ghosted.

With Glee he cut them free.

He was creepy on so many levels…his just desserts will appear.forest-3349575__340

 

 

Top 5: What Not to Write: Dating Profiles


Happy New Year: Don’t Make These Top 5 Mistakes

Annie, divorced and single long enough – decided to try online dating. Filled with optimism and excitement, she proceeded. After one week of exploring online dating, she found there were “Five Kinds of  Guys with Issues” she totally avoided.

 1.  The Grump: This dictator writes: “Your picture better be from this year; your height and weight had better be accurate-mine is!  Or: “I’m active and virile, I only date younger women.” (Better living through chemistry Mr. Smart and 70?) or: “Don’t be an empty nest whiner looking for me to cheer you up”.

Dear Mr. Grump: Please go out for a run; meditate; write poetry; ride your bike on Baby Heads Hill… Chill. Using your one chance to impress a woman and sounding like a grumpy old man is a surefire buzz kill. Ciao, adios, see ya!

2. Mr. “Must Have” Shopping List Maker  Annie noticed that many men had “Shopping lists” when it came to the woman they wanted to date…

Some of the “Must Have Shopping Lists” read like this:

  • You must like the great outdoors and camping and bonfires
  • You must like putting on a little black dress and go dancing with me
  • You must like entertaining my friends and being spontaneous
  • You must be ready to leave on an trip at the drop of a hat
  • You must better prefer me over your friends
  • You better like jogging, sailing, biking, hiking, and kayaking, spelunking…
  • You must be a tomboy not “a girly girl”

      You Must Be Kidding 

#3 Mr. Rambler He writes and writes – ad nauseam; extolling his virtues, attempting to be clever and witty, enumerating his degrees, experiences, education, homes – in the past 40 years. Note : After the third paragraph, certainly most women would defer to Too Long To Read. Remember: Brevity is the soul of wit.

#4. Mr. I’ve Got Nothing: So I’ll show you bunch of pictures. This man, not a writer, decides to overcompensate and post 20 pictures of the great outdoors: sky, sea, birds, rocks, and trees. This buzz kill  ploy is deemed very boring. And, posting photographs of yourself as  a child, or with your 10 best friends or  you clad in  sunglasses and a hat? Don’t even think about it.  Call all of the above a Dead-end streetAsk a friend, neighbor, child to take  three good photos of you.

Note: Hire a writer to help you.

#5. Mr. So What if I live 3000 Miles Away- you are cute. Annie was astounded by the number of men who lived on the East Coast or Seattle or Albuquerque who wanted IM or Skype with her. Chances of impetuous coffee date, a walk along the water, with somebody in Seattle/San Diego – not going to happen. Sorry, Charlie.

Chip and Skip, two randy bachelors in Seattle, claim the women in

San Francisco are all prettier, thinner, healthier than their Seattle sisters.

So these two guys troll the 94127 zip code hoping to IM or Skype their California dreaming girls.

Good Luck with that.

 
What Works?

No Grumps Allowed; No Goofy Pictures with sun glasses and hats;

No College Essay length postings bragging about your myriad accomplishments;

No Ex-bashing – or Bragging.

Try Succinct, Sweet, Kind – It works  every time, with the right person.

ilove u_-9

 

New member of the “Not Married Now” club?

coffee-mugs-datte_180Every day there are tons of new members in the

Not Married Now Club.

We walk out of the courtroom glazed, delighted, defeated, feeling numb or ecstatic and newly appointed: divorced.

Some of us throw a party – replete with champagne and pizza – or darts and beer. Others take to their beds, and watch a full season of OccupiedBroadchurch, or Happy Valley on Netflix, barely paying attention.

Some are already enmeshed in a new relationship and seek sex, refuge and understanding.

Whatever your state (grace, confusion, ire, relief) take the proper amount of processing time.

When you are ready, gently remove and discard the shroud around your heart. It may take awhile. Or not.

Next, shred the mountains of documents and go outside.

cropped_Ocean_Beach

Go Outside:  Watch the sunrise, take a walk, enjoy/join humanity in your new identity as a Single Person : Suddenly Single Not Married Now. Free at last.

Feeling odd and out of sorts or splendid?

Take your time to return to a social whirlwind or even to a small gust of activity. Even though 50% of us have walked through the valley of divorce, like snowflakes: no two are alike.

IMG_0320

My friend once confided that her neighbor was going to the exact same divorce scenario as I had endured. Really?

She pleaded for me to consult with her neighbor. I reluctantly agreed – we spoke on the phone-indeed, there were a striking number of similarities.

Girls, we aim to please – it is what we do. (Oprah calls it as “The Disease to Please) I agreed to meet Jaquie for coffee.

She had six months of divorce filings, co-parenting, and attorney meetings under her belt. Evidently, I was considered “An Expert Witness” with years worth of E-Ticket divorce-land experience.

Snowflakes

She came to the coffee shop with her boyfriend, Clive, whose picture I had just seen on Match.com.

He stayed just a minute, said he was, “Going to pop out and go shopping.” Yes, he did shop around.

Jaquie and I fell into an easy conversation as similar as we were – we were worlds apart.

She’s been married for 9.75 years and her father-in-law was a multi-millionaire. He had invented Post-it notes or glue 0r something very significant.

She reported she had huge financial resources and that she might go back to school and become a pastry chef. She and Clive had been together for three months and she was quite smitten.

(I checked later that day, Clever Clive was alive and looking on Match.com) Red flag, sweetheart!

The more we spoke, the quicker the similarities evaporated. Our differences expanded like those skinny sponges – simply add water and, bingo! You don’t even recognize the original, flat concept. She was on her own path. Ta, ta!

Keep your divorce to yourself

Good friends may inquire about your divorce. There is no reason to bore them with the details. So, hire a therapist. Level with your therapist. Take a spinning class – do all kinds of catharsis, but don’t bore your friends and family.

Welcome to The Club

And know: when you walk into the store, the library, or the post office: 50% of the people in line are also divorced… and that group at Starbucks, and that class you are taking? Yep, truth be told: 50%.

Carpe diem, darlin. Welcome to the club, You are not alone,fireweolslsls

 

Learn the ropes of Internet Dating at the next

“Page Larkin- Get Your Dating Mojo Moving” Workship

page.larkin@gmail.com

Merry Christmas

How to avoid San Francisco, Thanksgiving and traffic snarls



Thanksgiving  

and “What will the neighbors say?”

The Bridge and Tunnelers flooded into San Francisco by land and by sea. They came from the burbs to the City for shopping, dining, theater, and more shopping.

Every parking lot in Union Square was bulging at the scene. For days, gaggles of tourists crossed on the “Don’t Walk” and bumped into one another and nary a single, “Pardon me,” or “Excuse me,” was heard.

Legendary hot spots were full. Friday afternoon, many of the hotel bars were standing room only. The lobby scene at the Hilton, the Hyatt’s, Hotel Nikko, the Drake and Marriott was chaotic.

The Clift Hotel, once famously elegant and refined, is now a twenty something hangout. Girls showed up in the mini-est of skirts with arm-fulls of clanging bracelets and snakes of tangled necklaces from H&M. Hoodies and boots are de rigueur. The Redwood Room– once a haven for socialites, debutantes, power lunches and real Mad Men is a whisper of it’s former self.

Everyone must get boots!

Epidemic proportions of boots were walking on Geary and Market Streets. Evidently, black boots are best – and the higher the better, but Uggs work. Uggs have moved into the Big-Bling-Sequin category. Dare you to walk into any shoe store and not stumble upon dozens of black boots on display. Next look around: what percentage of shoppers are wearing or buying black boots?

Ironic – not iconic

Guys were in faux- ironic T-shirts, tight pants, their dad’s Wing-tips. (Hush Puppies have come and gone, again) Tight fitting cowboy shirts are back. (see JCPenney’s $12 on Cyber Monday and also see sheplers.com.) Black jeans are a uniform.

Black pants: a man walks into a bar

Every woman in line to buy a cup of coffee is wearing black pants – whether they are yoga pants, (Lululemon are banned by women of all thigh size)   leggings, Jeggings, crops, or running pants. Is there another color in your palette?

Welcome Neighbor?

Our neighbors, the Bridge and Tunnelers from a world away- the suburbs – come and heartily boost our economy.

They see, they shop, dine around  and return home to their predictable, safe, much quieter neighborhoods. Thanks, for coming by.

 

 

From “Date Night Bridge and Tunnelers”

Home again, home again:

The Bridge and Tunnelers are torn. Can they admit a trip to San Francisco was tedious, depressing and exorbitant? They found the restaurants too rich for their blood. The streets were dirty and a small army of homeless was sleeping in doorways. Parking was a nightmare and getting out of the jam-packed garage felt like Sisyphus – going nowhere fast.

As they pulled into their own garages, the Over the Bridge through the Tunnelers are relieved and relaxed to be home and they wonder: what ever to happened to San Francisco?

http://marinsuddenlysingle.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/no-parking-in-san-francisco-meter-maids-gone-wild/

https://suddenlysingleminded.wordpress.com/2011/11/07/san-francisco-date-night-bridge-and-tunnelers/

photo_21523_20120317

Ouch! Welcome to Japantown:


Ouch! Newly minted Police officers are parked on (westbound) Geary Boulevard at Laguna Street – ready to pounce! Captain KK Sullivan sends all the “New Cops on the Block” to practice Ticket Writing as approximately 23 people – per shift- miss the “No Left Turn on Red” Sign posted way up high…the Sign is located two-stories above the street.  

What are the City of San Francisco Rules and Reg are: Signage and Sightlines?

 

 

 

Reading between the lines on online dating profiles?

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Expect a little: “To Tell the Truth”  a bit of  “I’ve Got a Secret”  and some “Dark Shadows”

Dating Soap Operas:

Reading dating profiles on Eharmony, Match.com, or Tinder can be dizzying. As you wade through a minefield of clichés and brags, you wonder how to decipher this barrage of data. Is there some kind of code? Where do you get a romance Rosetta stone?

The answer? Read between the lines and take it all with a grain of salt. Okay, maybe a shaker of salt.


Due diligence and deciphering

Steven D. wrote that he ‘hailed from the citrus belt of California’  (Orange County, Republican). He reads the New Yorker and legal stuff (lawyer).

He loves debating (argumentative) and says his two kids are his best friends (uh-oh.)  He says he’s tired of restaurants (cheap) and prefers TV dinners on the couch (yawn)  In his profile photo, taken from afar,  Steven D. commits a grave error by wearing the egregious hat and sunglasses (hiding: bad hair, no hair, squinty eyes, tattoos). More red flags.



To Tell the Truth

Ricki  writes that she ‘likes Jenga and Scrabble‘ (couch potato) and her cats.  She says she is s “A  big woman, with a big heart and big fun.” No mystery there; Mickey’s candid photograph indicates the same. Give her credit: she is honest and to the point.

‘Walter Mitty Mike’ should be a fiction writer

Despite his friend’s protestations, Mike writes that he is “a doctor with three North Bay offices; he collects old cars, has a place in the mountains, and  a pied-a-terre in the City, in addition, he collects French wines.”

His best friends will tell you, actually, the veterinarian business is slow, so Mike works three days a week all over Petaluma and Novato; he drives a great old truck; has a Rambler and a Corvair; and he has a big tent, in the summer, above Truckee. His place in the City? He camps out with a buddy in a studio apartment in SOMA, where the two like to party and paint the town beige. Mike likes a good story and tells one — after another.

Someone has to tell him Ménage a Trois is not a French wine. And, that there is a time and place for everything.

photo_6972_20080817“I am a Barbie Doll”  writes her entire profile in uppercase letters.

Those in the know say, beware: possible anger issues here.  Barbie says she’s “spontaneous to a fault” (red flags flashing). This generally translates to disorganized, ditzy, and unpredictable. All are qualities some men might … cherish. Or not. Clever Barbie writes she is looking for a Ken doll with a Maserati…or Porsche…Millionaire.com didn’t work out for her. Tsk.

There are a lot of stories in “The Dated City”

Remember: Honesty is the best policy and the truth will set you free — and help you avoid embarrassing situations. Give online dating a whirl and have fun out there.

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San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner Page Larkin welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at: Page.Larkin@gmail.com

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