Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Archive for the category “midlife dating”

Dating Hoax 101:Hooked by a Catfish

hope

She said she was 42, divorced, amorous, available and waiting for Mr. Right.

Her pictures were stunning – she was a tall, lanky, brunette – often posing in clothing befitting a lingerie model. That was sexy – yet, strange –as she said she was trained as an attorney. She readily admitted she only had a few clients- very wealthy clients – who flew her to their resort-like homes for consultations. She practiced Business Law.

And she didn’t like to talk about her profession.

On the free dating website, her name is Venus. She loves the beach, puppies, NCIS, negligees, chocolates and roses. As a rule, after the exchange of two emails she generally gives out her phone number. She is very friendly and flirty.

Mike met Venus online five years ago and they have been chatting on the phone ever since. He is married – his wife doesn’t understand him. Mike would really like to meet her in person – however, Venus is always in court. He understands – she is very famous. He lives in Wyoming. He is in love with Venus and is willing to wait.

dwarf-corydoras-143885__180

Tim met Venus online six months ago. He is ready to move from Texas to San Francisco to be near her. He is a mechanic- and wants to work at Tesla.  They talk on phone every day. Her Skype is broken. Darn. He wants to fly out and take her to dinner at “A fancy place in Frisco – her choice.” She tells him – she would love it – when the big case is over. Her last case took two years to settle. He can’t wait to see her penthouse in the Marina District of San Francisco – it has views of “all the bridges” and she can hear “the trolleys” and smell the French Bread being baked. Tim hangs on her every word.

Tim is trusting and in love. Not a computer -guy – he would never think of Googling Venus – her law firm, her home address with all those classic San Francisco treats. Hence, the successful masquerade by Venus.

As Fate would have it: Venus (aka Janice B.) lives in Fremont. She is single/never married, 55, and for a month, was a nanny for an attorney and his wife. She is a clerk at Kohl’s. She is clever, lonely and really good at “spinning yarns”  according to her sister whose hesitates to call Janice a liar. In five years, Janice has met and engaged – over the phone and texting- with two dozen men online. She has never met any of the men in person.

Buyer Beware: There are schools of scammers called Catfish – who pretend to be something they aren’t…lying is second nature and there are no ethics involved. Think: Web of lies

Catfish__hoax

Catfish: verb: To be baited by a person ‘trolling/trawling the internet – pretending to be someone thery aren’t.

Dr Phil has done a public service show – exposing these Catfish scam artists.  See Here: 

See: Catfish definition

See the MTV Show Catfish

dwarf-corydoras-143885__180

The most common lie is that which one lies to himself; lying to others is relatively an exception.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Advertisements

Listen to what she says on the first date, Binkie

The truth is loud and clear – Just Listen

Ted confided he hadn’t been on a date in a very long time.

His Match.com account was filled with the cobwebs of inactivity. He tried Tinder and didn’t get swiped or swept away. Out of the blue, Kiki K.of SF   reached out to him and started a dialogue. They exchanged a few emails – she was new in town, lost – didnt know where the cool bars and godd restaurants were. She wondered if he could help. Could he? Oh, yeah!

She invited him over to her apartment – and aplogized in advance, she was moving and things and were topsy turvey. She lived in the Haight. Well, he thought, perhaps in the better part…He arrived and drove around for awhile before a small sliver of parking appeared. After “helloes”  she explained she was nervous- had some anxiety issues. He thought “Who doesn’t?” After she “tidied up” they sat her cafe table, each chair was covered with clothing, a stack papers, a bag of kitty litter…

He noticed Kiki ( 50-ish, slim, dressed in black, no make up, no jewelry) didn’t ask him any questions. She gushed tell-tale information, clues galore – and Ted was so enchanted to be in  a conversation with a pretty woman he wasn’t really listening  She readily offered her life in San Francisco has been a bomb. She wasn’t happy. She did “some binge drinking” and – so slim – wasn’t eating. Huge, neon, red flags were waving all around the room with each disclosure. Ted didn’t want to see them. Her long list of things she hated was not too off-putting; who didn’t like loud neighbors, traffic, landlords?

However, when Kiki disclosed what she did to “all of the above,” he took note. She left cat poop at her neighbors front door. She wrote hate letters to the apartment owner, she spray painted the garage.

Ted was growing uncomfortable. This was more of a therapy appointment than a date.

Kiki asked him for a ride to the DMV in Daly City. He knew the SF DMV was mere blocks away and mentioned it. She grew agitated and said the people there were all morons.

A lightening bolt of reality finally hit Ted and he knew it was time to escape. Fast. A lousy liar, he looked at his watch and said he had to move his car. She said, “I will come with!” and Ted nervously said, “No. I had better go. There is something I have to do.” He got up quickly, walked towards to door, mumbled “Nice-to-meet-you-good luck-with-everything-have-a-nice-day.” He did the run-walk-run and didn’t listen to whatever she was screaming at him.

 

Fear and Loathing of Dating in San Francisco?

Since when did the men and women in San Francisco become so afraid of one another?

Does online dating perpetuate a fear of rejection or a fear of commitment?

Perhaps the breakneck speed of cyber dating has given singles ‘Virtual Whiplash’ and an abject fear of rejection. If you are enrolled in a dating service like Tinder, Match.comor EHarmony, you receive emails with pictures of your so-called ‘perfect matches’ on a daily basis. This overload of information may cause side effects of head spinning, heart palpitations and ego swelling.

Photo-Shopping for Prince Charming?

And so it goes: you are on virtual shopping spree with a Photo-shopping bent. Beginners go from diligently reading profiles and daydreaming to simply scanning pictures. Next. It might look something like this: Patrick: 49, tennis pro, poet, chef, looks good, but George, Pulitzer Prize winner, spelunker, yo-yo champ-looks better. Like a kid on an Easter egg hunt, you pick up one brightly colored object and dismiss it just as quickly, thinking something better will come along. This can’t be good

Doctor Love

Dr Joan M, a leading San Francisco psychologist, studies relationships. She recently said many of her clients have more first-dates than they knew what to do with. One peripatetic client met with 90 women in his first year of being newly divorced. He had the classic Clint Eastwood experience and met “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.”  However, once he got past his myopic, “Looking for Barbie,” phase, he got serious, focused and eventually met his true soul mate. It happens.

The good Dr maintains that suddenly single men and women hovering around age 50 want relationships. However, with age, a new requirement has transpired: both sexes have a need for intimacy and concurrent independence. They have quaffed the Kool-Aid and succumbed to, as one woman put it, “A need to be in his arms and then be an arm’s length away.”  The Solution? A healthy dose of compromise and honesty are necessary for any healthy relationship.

Kissing Frogs and Playing Hard to Get

It is your call: do you kiss a few frogs, explore dating at 50 with an open heart and open mind or steadfastly hold out for the perfect Prince Charming / Princess Charisma?

Try this: Open your eyes – and your heart – for a fun and fulfilling relationship with the guy or girl next door. Be available and aware. Finally, look in the mirror: you have to be the person you want to attract.  Ribbit.

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com .

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column — click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.

Flirting with random acts of kindess – oh, yeah!

“All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness, and others by sense”.

Rochefoucauld

George– a real flirt – He is known to  buys bags of Hershey Kisses and says he drops one or two off on tables of interesting women at the library, Peet’s or various cafes- when he is strolling through. George is famous for giving away free kisses and smiles.

Parking Karma Katie always has a pocket of quarters and when she sees the army of parking meter mavens in attack mode, she kindly puts a couple of quarters in each expired meter. Sweet!

Before breakfast, my pal Troyer, always buys two San Francisco Chronicles. He reads one and offers a second copy to any attractive single woman in one of the three cafés he frequents each week. He’s famous for this. Some women love to see a newspaper….others are confused.

Coffee, tea or me? After a month, three times a week, of handing a double latte, to her “Favorite, cute customer with no wedding ring and a ready smile”- Peggy wrote her phone number on the sleeve of his coffee cup.  It worked! They have been dating ever since.

Troyer in San Jose is famous for the “I thought you two were sisters” comment to the mothers of the women he dates. Believe it or not, mothers-of an age- loves this. Big Points.

Eye Contact Eileen in South San Francisco writes that she looks at man, catches his eye and turns away. She looks back and smiles. She says it works every time. Eye contact is an icebreaker and a romantic catalyst.

Mark, the dapper crossing guard on Geary Boulevard, tells most every woman he sees she looks “lovely this morning, ma’am.” Women actually cross the street just to talk to Edward.

Rusty, the flirting waiter at Rigolo in Laurel Village, greets and kids around with every female customer who comes to the small cafe. He is always ready with a compliment and a smile. Needless to say, he’s a very popular guy.

Valerie, the tall redhead at the checkout clerk at the Marina Safeway, a polyglot, greets customers in their respective homeland lingo. People love this and make a beeline to her line. To say she is admired – only begins to describe her life.

Love Story at 80 In The City

Most mornings you can see Henry and Barbara, holding hands, walking up and down the streets in Presidio Heights. He wears a Cal baseball cap and she wears a red Stanford hat. The two octogenarians talk and laugh and Henry frequently picks up newspapers and tosses them up to neighbor’s front doors. The two exude an affection and attraction that most aspire to. Some think it’s good luck to see this darling devoted couple.

All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness, and others by sense”. Rochefoucauld

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at page.larkin@gmail.com

Facebook

Dear Page Larkin: Foolish Women and Great Guys?

Party_girl

Dear Page

Satuday night, my new guy showed up with a bottle of chilled Procesco, Mel Brooks’  “History of  the World” and two bags of popcorn – one with sea salt and a brown sugar melange, a bag of M&M’s and, admittedly, an impressive fruit tray. And more chocolate. TCHO. He calls me and sends sweet greeting cards every week….I just am not sure about him. What shall I do?
Bossy Pants Petaluma

18588813_10154604543093907_6660958162672801964_o
 Dear Bossy Pants Petaluma
Don’t spend another minute thinking about this: send ME his number, thanks! A million girls would love to be wooed by a guy that clever and cute and sweet. Get Woke, girlfriend.

pexels-photo-302081.jpeg

Page, Help!

I am 55, divorced, no kids, employed and  know I am the perfect date – dozens of women have told me that. My problem is so many gals just want  one date, one meal, one bottle of wine and they disappear. They don’t respond to emails, text or calls. What am I doing wrong?

Clarke Able

Dear Clarke,  You do sound like a great date – what you neglect to mention is the conversation, the general feeling, and the level of mutual attraction. Are you both enjoying the meal, is conversation flowing, are you in agreement in most topics, are you both smiling or squirming during the date? These are all clues to the success of the date. Take Note. Good luck.

Love, Page

hearts-background-red-pink-190933.jpeg

Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.

Wayne Dyer

 

Yes! New improved Shortest Fairy Tale

photo-1444492417251-9c84a5fa18e0

It went viral – The World’s Shortest Fairy Tale was all over the Internet.

Bitter or Better?

Hey, Let’s try that again…


Once upon a time”… a man asked a woman, to marry him.  

 The woman said, “No. No thank you.”

… and for a while she lived pretty -happily-ever-after…

She went shopping, hiking, went to movies and volunteered at Casa de los Madres and Onebrick…she danced, frequented museums, book readings, drank really great wine, always had a clean house, did yoga three times a week;  cooked quinoa, tofu, brownies and  triple chocolate chip cookies when she felt like it; she did whatever she wanted, never argued, didn’t get fat, traveled more, had many friends, compatriots, pals,  and buddies  …

beautiful-girl-2003647__340-2

She entertained, went to lectures, bowled, she played and prayed – as needed.  She never watched sports ( except the SF Giants, the World Series, the Super Bowl, The Warriors,  and Wimbledon)  She never wore itchy, cheap lingerie; she had high self-esteem, never cried or yelled…she looked fabulous in sweat pants, designer jeans and Little Black Dresses  and  was pleasant all the time.

photo_1ben918_20060901Yawn. All that got old.

She learned that she was missing an important component…she craved and pined for someone  to partner with, establish  a connection – a union – a much more than mere friendship person.

She wanted to hold hands with, to wake -up -with-in-the morning, to kiss good night and wish ‘sweet dreams’ to every night for the rest of her life. ilove u_-9

She Wanted a Prince of a Man:   

A  perfect partner-in-crime, and play, in plans, to grow old with … And she opened her heart and her eyes and developed a more worldly view.  She was always one to share and play well with others…

When, lo and behold: she met a friend. A BoyFriend – and they clicked- they were a Match, they had Chemistry and Harmony… they got along.

love-316640__340-2

He was fun and funny, and sweet and thoughtful. They really enjoyed each other’s company. She had her Date for Life!

They were in love and Friends for Life. They planned, played, and lived happily ever after.

The Beginning.


Deckchairs with view of lake

Her Final Fantasy? Will your Prince or Princess appear?


Feeling like Cinderella or Goldilocks: is dating too hard, too hot, or too cold?

Peggy is a 45+-year-old, Tech Exec who is very cute, smart and driven.

She is a woman who readily admits she really knows what she wants. Ironically, we met at a recent  Human Awareness Institute event about ‘Finding Love and Exploring Options’.

Over lunch, Peggy confided that she had drawn up a list of “The 101 Top Traits” she wanted in the man of her dreams. Incredulous, I asked her if she would be willing to share her list with me. She whipped out her iPhone and pulled up the lengthy -very specific list – which went on-  and on – ad naseum.

She was on the lookout for a man who played tennis, bridge, and chess; No Mensa members, must be a BMW driver, should be 5’8, weigh 168, and have alabaster skin. She wanted Mr. Right to have a full head of hair, preferably black hair, he should have 20/20 vision, and preferably blue eyes. She was specific about the kind of clothes he should wear (do they even make Sulka silk robes anymore?) and she even listed some of the books that he should have read.

I Stopped Reading at ‘Shoe Size’

 

Over mugs of green tea and divine Key Lime pie, I tried to gently talk Peggy down from the (read: ludicrous) shopping list she had created years earlier.  

However, compromise was not in her vocabulary.

She knew what she didn’t want: no doctors or lawyers need apply. Her first two husbands – one of each- taught her a big Life’s lesson, she said.

This time around she was looking for a more spiritual connection, somebody she could eat, love and pray with. When I asked her about her success rate, she blushed and admitted she was at the workshop for one reason: to find a man. She agreed to keep me posted on her successes. She will never be listless.

At dinner that evening, I saw Peggy deeply engrossed in a conversation with a fair skinned man, with blue eyes and a mane of black hair.

Wonder if he kept his silk bathrobe in his BMW?

 

Are you are reality based dater or a Must-Have-or-it’s-a deal-breaker kind of a social butterfly?

Tell me what works for you. Email me at Page.Larkin@gmail.com

 

 

Dating 101: Sex degrees of separation?

Playing Dating Monopoly?

Are you about to jump into the Internet Dating world? Feeling dizzy with the wide variety and vast number of choices of Online Dating services? Are they unique, stand alone entities, or possibly owned by the same Goliath Internet giant?

Dating neophyte, Sally said she envisioned Match.com to be a huge building, filled with employees who were romantics at heart, just like Cupid.

She imagined a sea of matchmakers, glued to the their computers, fatefully creating dates for life. She knew somewhere she had a perfect match, a twin: a non smoking, dog loving, petite, Gemini, middle child, NASCAR fan, rock climbing, New York Times puzzle lover.   

Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus.

However, Sally, there is no such thing as a real computer based Cupid.

Who’s your daddy?

If you were to do a search for top Internet dating companies you might be amazed to learn that dating sites: Match, Chemistry, Singleparentmeet, Blackpeoplemeet, Seniorpeoplemeet, Bbpeoplemeet, Loveandseek, all have the same parent company. They are all integral parts the Internet giant IAC owned by that ‘king of the media world’, IAC CEO Barry Diller.

What the heck is an IAC, you ask? George Orwell’s 1984 pales by comparison.Internet Giant, IAC is in your business and in multiple facets of your life. IAC owns Ask.com, Dictionary, Citysearch, EVite.com, Urbanspoon, Vimeo, Hotwire, Lending Tree, and Excite, Expedia, and Ticketmaster, plus a host of other sites.

No need to go dystopian about this, but, do take note. A lot of notes.

Baddoo and Bad News:The Russians are Meddling: Who owns Tinder? Bumble?

Badoo, founded in 2006 …launched in 2009 (3 years before Tinder), is headquartered in London with an office in Moscow.

Today it employs 300 developers, 80 of whom are women, who run Badoo and also provide support to Huggle, Chappy and Bumble.

The Russian Cupid, Andreev says his  biggest business, flagship Badoo,  launched a facial recognition feature in late 2017.

The feature allows users to upload an image of a person they like and find other Badoo users who look similar. “People really love it,” Andreev said.

Andreev refuses to share revenue figures for Badoo, but said the publicly traded IAC  operates online dating sites including OkCupid and Tinder, was a good comparison.

IAC which has a $12.2 billion market cap, reported $1.3 billion in revenue for 2017.

The Russian states, “We are smaller, but we are still a pretty big player.”

My love affair with Billy Collins

photo_1074_20060214dotttBilly Collins boarded my plane.

I was seated in 17C. He sat alone in 14C.

If my posture was both correct and very erect, I could see him. I could see his head and fractions of his body.

Two of his all-time very best Poetry books, “Flying Around the Room” and “Nine Horses” were in my carry-on bag. I was just reading the poems in “The Art of Drowning” last week. Did I conjure him up? Was he traveling alone? What was he reading? Could we do lunch?

I saw him dive into his carry-on and pull out massive Bose headphones. No subtle message there. If ever there was an object that screamed, “Do not talk to me,” its the “Big Boys Bose” headphones.

Craning my neck, I saw a small fraction of his head, shoulder and arm. I casually stretched to gain a better vantage and decided my bag could actually live in an overhead bin, for a while, thus providing me an excuse to stand up and move closer to Billy Collins.

Nonchalantly, I rose  – happily discovering that my bin was filled to the max – which would allow me to move, oh, so close, to Billy. A great mental debate ensued, “To hi or not to hi.”

A passionate fan for well over a decade – I owned a copy of every one of his books and gave a copy of Litany to every recent boyfriend. I’d seen Billy, in-person, in San Francisco and Los Angeles.  Plus, I had his books in my carry-on. Kismet. I was an A-1, authentic devotee. We both wrote poetry. We both used the word “perfervid” fervently. I had once memorized his poem on memory loss and our writing group did a whole session on his poem “Consolation.

While I gathered courage and feigned nonchalance, a voluptuous redhead in black leather pants and high heel boots, swaggered her way down the aisle

and slipped in next to my Billy Collins.

I watched – pretending not to be staring– as he removed his Big Bose and started conversing with the hussy. I could feel myself bristling and slowly turning into Kathy Bates in Misery. I imagine the people sitting next to me thought I  was acting like a pop-up prairie dog.

Hey! If I’d gotten this close to Billy – what would it take to invoke Michael Chabon? I’d both read the book and shopped on Telegraph Avenue; had seen the movie Wonder Boys, I was cavalier and liked clay. Okay, so that was a stretch.

Dejected and rejected, for the next hour I listened to Lyle Lovett and I buried my head in Sun magazine.

Once (okay, twice) I sat very  tall and looked – they were quaffing and chatting.

There was no consolation.

Well, actually,  I did have that lovely book of poems by my new very favorite poet,  David Whyte… Everything is Waiting for You.

Billy

Are you New to “The Not Married Now” Club?

redwoods528_nHold on!

 Every day there are tons of new members in the Not Married Now Club.

We walk out of the courtroom glazed, delighted, defeated, feeling numb or ecstatic and newly appointed: divorced.

Some of us throw a party – replete with champagne and pizza – or darts and beer.

Others take to their beds, and watch a full season Westworld, Billions, Superstore or Nurse Jackie…Unforgotten or  on HBO or Netflix, barely paying attention.

Some are already enmeshed in a new relationship and seek sex, refuge and understanding.

Whatever your state (grace, confusion, ire, relief) take the proper amount of processing time.

When you are ready, gently remove and discard the shroud around your heart.

It may take awhile. Or not.

Next, shred the mountains of documents and go outside.

 IMG_0346Go Outside:

 Watch the sunrise, take a walk,  join humanity in your new identity as Single: Suddenly Single not married now. Free at last.

Feeling odd and out of sorts or splendid?

 

Take your time to return to a social whirlwind or even  to a small gust of activity.

Even though 50% of us have walked through the valley of divorce, like snowflakes, no two are alike.

photo_6031_20080519

My friend once confided that her neighbor was going to the exact same divorce scenario as I had endured. Really?

She pleaded for me to consult with her neighbor. I reluctantly agreed – we spoke on the phone-indeed, there were a striking number of similarities.

Girls, we aim to please  – it is what we do. (Oprah calls it as the disease to please) I agreed to meet Jaquie for coffee.

She had six months of divorce filings, co-parenting and attorney meetings under her belt. Evidently, I was considered “An Expert Witness” with years worth of E-Ticket divorce-land experience.

Snowflakes

She came to the coffee shop with her boyfriend, Clive, whose picture I had just seen on Match.com.

He stayed just a minute, said he was, “Going to pop out and go shopping.” Yes, he did shop around.

Jaquie and I fell into an easy conversation as similar as we were – we were worlds apart.

She’s been married for 9.75 years and her father-in-law was a multi-millionaire. He had invented Post-it notes or glue 0r something very significant.

She reported she had huge financial resources and that she might go back to school and become a pastry chef. She and Clive had been together for three months and she was quite smitten.                

(I checked later that day, Clive was alive and looking on Match.com) Red flag, sweetheart!

The more we spoke, the quicker the similarities evaporated …our differences expanded like those skinny sponges -simply add water and, bingo. You don’t even recognize the original flat concept.

Keep your divorce to yourself

Good friends may inquire about your divorce.  There is no reason to bore them with the details. So, hire a therapist. Level with your therapist.  Take a spinning class –  do all kinds of catharsis, but don’t bore your friends and family. 

Welcome to The Club

  And know: when you walk into the store, the library, or post office, 50% of the people in line are also divorced… and that group at Starbucks, and that class you are taking? Yep, truth be told:  50%.

Carpe  diem, darlin.

image001And learn the ropes of Internet Dating at the next

“Page Larkin- Get Your Dating Mojo Moving” Workship

page.larkin@gmail.com

 

Post Navigation