Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Archive for the category “midlife dating”

Aging with grace and aplomb…and AARP!

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You barely blow out the candles on your 50th birthday cake

and AARP is in the mail

and on the attack…

alarm clock

The times they are a changin’

 

The Man of your Dreams used to quote

Rolling Stone Magazine

and Esquire…

and, then Vanity Fair  

and The New Yorker

and now!

He is quoting from  AARP magazine…

                                                                            Say, it isn’t so.

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“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us.

At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” 

Ann Landers (1918-2002)

 

 

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Graceful

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The Exodus…Are men are giving up the chase?

There is an Exodus happening.

Legions of men across the nation are folding up their tents, are quitting the Dating Game, and are going home to Bachelorville. They are resigned to a lifetime of single, solo, solitary- man- time.

Talk to Single Men of an Age:  The report is in: Some men readily admit say they are victims of excruciating divorces…followed by years of  disappointing experiences on the dating post divorce scene.

The readers have spoken and  say: A lot of divorced men 50+  try dating again… many after hiatus of 10 or 20 or 30 years.  Many lament that dating today is so fast and foreign – they are having a hard time getting a leg up.

Some men simply say dating and  the chase isn’t worth the bother. They say “the  dating game” is  time consuming and too high maintenance.  They claim can’t remember the pace – what comes first?  Greg M  said  “When you were once a “10” and you wake up single – 25 years later –  you realize, uh oh –  you are  20 pounds heavier, balding, have grown children and 4 grandchildren. The hot red sports car  morphed into a mini van -decades ago… How can  you possibly  still think you are a “10” and on top of your game?”

And, what is your game? Solitaire?

Yoga instructor and Nurse practitioner, Cindy, 27, reports that the older men she runs across in bars are her father’s age. She and her coterie call the older guys  ‘Salty dogs’  and ‘A Free Dinner.’ That’s cold.

This guy says: You Otter Know Better

Tall, dashing and handy, Clive said he had given up on women.

He said women are like otters… that they band together, are happy to be in one another’s company, travel together, dine together and have no need for male companionship.

They simply float down the river of life, happy little ottters.  No boys allowed.

What do women say? Readers write in to say they are initially daunted ~ then exhilarated  ~ by being Suddenly Single and entering the new world of DATING AGAIN…

Others, blindsided by a classic  divorce debacle – throw in the towel and are recovering…renewing energies and getting a new lease on life.

The Exodus may be in biblical proportions~in some cities…

San Francisco has to be the exception.san-fran

Tell me what you think….page.larkin@gmail.com

Men are like fine wine

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This was sent to Page Larkin

by Evelyn J.  age 88

A Real Man

A real man is a woman’s best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down.

He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.

Bronze buddah in the parkHe will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room

and will enable her to be her most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible self.

Hearts on a line

No, wait!  I’m sorry…I’m thinking of wine.

Never mind.

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Page Larkin, San Francisco author, dating coach and dating docent

offers a Three-hour Dating Mojo workshop every month.

“Online Dating: Get Your Mojo Moving” in San Francisco

 Saturdays  TBA 10 AM to 1 PM

 

  • Cost: $49
  • Limit: eight to a class
  • Bring your current online dating profile, photos and a Dream Date List (Additional  Information with Enrollment) an open-mind, a sense of humor, and a desire to get in the dating game to play and win.

Enroll at Page.Larkin@gmail.com *photo_11785_20090615peacock*******//******

Here are 5 Easy Ways to get  ‘Back in the Dating Saddle’ and ride off into sunset 

  1. You’re not alone. There are 20+ million singles back in the dating game. Like you, many singles are bored playing Solitaire and are ready to play a rousing game of Hearts. Get out of the house and join a walking, hiking, biking, rowing, kayaking, birding, debate, tennis, ping-pong, or spelunking club. See Meetup.com for hundreds of organizations in your zip code.
  2. Adopt and embrace the C’est la vie Attitude. You know, life is short and why waste time? Refrain from perching over a phone waiting for it to ring or checking text/emails 10 times a day. Your mother was right: “Go outside and play.” It’s up to you – perform the ‘due diligence’ and find out where the action is (See: Top Ten Places to Meet Men and Women in Marin and SF)
  3. Be Brave.  So you are ready to start dating again? Want to get back in the saddle? There will always be a Greek chorus of friends and family urging you to get back on the horse.  If you have images of a sweet pony- ride dancing in your head, be prepared. The recent foray in dating is more like the electronic bull you remember from that John Travolta movie, Urban Cowboy.  Best advice: “Better buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.”  Get in the game and enjoy the new adventures in the unique and novel: Suddenly Single Date World
  4. Volunteer Check out sporting events, wines tastings, the Presidio, Litquake or theMill Valley Film Festival Festival- all are worthwhile and fun. See San Francisco’s two very popular organizations- St Anthony’ and Onebrick opportunities. Check Craigslist for volunteer listings – do a good deed and meet new people. Volunteers are love in motion..
  5. Your Mother was wrong: Do talk to strangers. Everyday. It’s okay, and heartily recommended that you look them in the eye, smile and say “hi” to five strangers – every single day.” Have fun in the New Year. Start now.

It’s a well-known fact: Dating at 50 is a lot more fun than dating at 20.

Think about it: you are more interesting, smarter, sexier and have way better life’s stories. And, you don’t have to ask your mom to borrow the car.

Come on in, the water is delicious.

Free Range Stock Summer is Oover Tubes
FACT: Women Love Men Who Dance

It’s not a secret: from the Dogpatch to Daly City, the Marina to Mission Street: women all heartily agreed:

Men who dance are a lot more fun and a lot more interesting.

The Take Away: Gentlemen start your lessons. Take beginner dance lessons, have fun and practice, practice, practice.

Three Local Hot Spots for dancing

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Go out in the world and work like money doesn’t matter,

Sing as if no one is listening, 

Love as if you have never been hurt, 

and Dance as if no one is watching”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sad man

 A fear of dating?

Now is the Time to curb your “Fear of Dating”

What are you afraid of, Binkie?

So what if you are: Fresh out-of-the-box, Right off the shelf, and new to the dating game?

There are a lot of metaphors for people who are just back in the dating game. Sometimes getting back into the swing of dating can be daunting. If you have been out of the game for a while, you may notice dating today is a little more complex than it was a decade ago.

Not only is the playing field no longer level, the rules have changed, the game is faster and the uniforms are a lot shorter. The days of courting and being coy are as out dated as hot pants and polyester. Afraid to make a move? There are tons of fears, frights, scares and trepidations. There are even dating phobias which are irrational, intense, persistent fear of certain nouns (persons, places, things). For your information:

The Top Ten Common Fears Known to Single Men and Women

1. Isolophobia – fear of being alone

2. Athazagoraphobia- fear of being forgotten

3. Gamophobia – fear of marriage

4. Mageirocophobia – fear of cooking

5. Sexophobia – fear of the opposite sex

6. Gynophobia – fear of women

7. Hominophobia -fear of men

8. Clinophobia – fear of going to bed

9. Homilophobia – fear of sermons

10. Nyctophobia- fear of the dark or night.

Franklin D Roosevelt said it best:

“ The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts…”

Handpainted peace sign in dripping colors

Smart Women – Dumb Choices?


Best ADVICE:  Hide your IQ  and 
Show your bra strap…

Hey, smarty pants!

The University of Chicago describes itself  as The place fun came to die.”

September, 1980, 24 freshmen girls sat around two large oak tables while the dorm RA, Barbara, reviewed the rules: curfew, visiting hours, and security.After her 30-minute orientation, she closed the three-ring binder, looked up and said, “That’s it. Welcome to the University of Chicago. Off the record, I’ve got one other piece of advice.  My freshmen RA told me this and I am passing on to you.  In case you’re interested in dating a guy in college: hide your IQ and show your bra strap.”

The girls had all pretended to listen to the rules and regulation part of the presentation, however when Barbara, the cool upper classman – an Amazon, with long flaxen hair, the embroidered peasant blouse, faded jeans, and cool hecho en Mexico- huaraches mentioned the words “date and men” all 24 pairs of eyes were on her.  Enrapt.

“Yeah, hide your IQ. Hey, we were all 4.0, we all had the highest SAT scores, and you were probably all student body presidents, right? And, how many of you were cheerleaders or prom queens?” The girl from Nevada raised her hand, and put it down quickly. Barbara smiled at the poor little sheep that had lost their way and quipped, “I rest my case.”

Their new idol, now seemingly smarter and sexier than an hour before, picked up her binder, scanned the room and said, “Men are intimidated by smart women. Even here. It’s a fact. I am a junior, I have been here for three long years.”

“Finally, never knock on my door before 9 am or after 9 pm.” Her back was to us as she walked out of the room and called out, “Enjoy college, girls”

Lingering in Lingerie

The sage advice caused an eruption of discussion and Ms Nevada said she came to Chicago to meet ‘the Susan Sontags and Mike Nichols not the Carl Sagan and Milton Friedman types.’ The girls were initially bemused and confused. Twenty years before women burned bras and now – show and tell? Cool.

Do smart women intimidate men?

There is a Mensa party every Wednesday night in San Rafael (disguised as Trivia Night at the Broken Drum) Chances are most attendees at Trivia Night graduated from Ivy League schools. You see a lot of Penn, Cal, Stanford, and MIT logos on Wednesday nights. The trivia-teams compete furiously and the questions become more and more challenging as the evening transpires. Interestingly enough, 50% of the attendees are women. Really smart women. They show and tell. The word on the street is that the women succeed at scoring – on every level…academically and socially, IQ’s in full view.

And the men enjoy the exchange and banter.

The well-intentioned advice from a 20 year old in Chicago in 1980 inspired a spate of lingerie shopping for a dozen very smart coeds and the men on campus were luckier for it.

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“All this pitting of sex against sex, of quality against quality;  

all this claiming of superiority and imputing of inferiority

belong to the private-school stage of human existence where there are sides, 

and it is necessary for one side to beat another side.”

Virginia Woolf

 

 San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin,welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com.

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Tips: The Best and Worst Opening Lines

comics-1299500__340The Good, the Bad and the Ugly?

John J. in Los Gatos is friendly, fun and flirty.

Note: Women love this. This is a “formula note” he sends out after a women has looked at his dating profile:         

Hello.  Thank you for perusing my profile. I like YOURS too. I was also lousy in Chemistry until entering the dating world. I notice you seek someone less than 47 miles away…Too bad I live 48 miles away (LOL kidding, it’s actually twice that distance;-). Three years ago I, too, lived in SF – had a wonderful apartment on Chestnut & Van Ness.  I wish we had met on-line then! I used to run in Golden Gate Park (until knee surgery ended my running career and started my cool new biking habit;-) Thanks, again for the look! Best of luck in finding that very lucky local SF Dude. Ciao Bella, John J in Los Gatos

Huge Points for John J. who is proactive, positive, flirty and friendly. His ‘form letter’ garners more attention than a wink or a one-liner. Go, John J.! frog-prince-398828__180

Mikey 68 (“A jock with bad knees but a good heart”) was a PE Major, not a creative writer,  who hired a  professional writer to enhance his online dating profile.  They talked – she took notes, and two days later, she came back with a new iamge: Michael 101.

He went from a bumbling Jimmy Kimmel to smooth Jimmy Stewart. He debated about keeping his long past profession (Veterinarian) out of the picture – she insisted he blatantly brag about being a Doctor. She said single women are on the look out for professionals. She also encouraged him to insert a passion for reading all things Jane Austen. She sent him links to Jane Austen for Dummies and The Cliff Notes.  She also changed his online name to  ‘Mr Darcy.” His opening line is, Call me Tall dark and handsome and I will follow you any where. Mr Darcy. His “ratings” went up. Way Up.

Tons of email every week:  Michael/Mr Darcy  gets a ton of winks, emails, and canned greetings from women all over the country. Whether it is his picture, his winning personality/profession as a DR,  Or his ghost-writer’s finesse in creating a faux Prince. He is only slightly embarrassed when women discover he has none of Mr Darcy’s attributes. Glib, he says Austen is ‘fiction.’  Truth or Dare? He is convinced he will meet a sweetheart. not_match-aCall me Timbo  (62, hunter, NRA devotee, catches fish with his hands)

He lives in an “A-state.” He is looking for one woman with whom to spend the rest of his life.  The other three did not work out. Clever man, got ahold of an NRA Club roster. Timbo had 200 post cards made with his picture on them. He and his son addressed and stamped all the cards with the message: “Wanted: My Last Date. Must be single and like dogs.” He got a few nibbles…nothing panned out. Next, with the help of the librarian, he joined Match.com and  wrote: “Sugar Daddy seeks Hot Mama” much to the chagrin of Marian librarian.

He was swamped with responses. At first, he was excited by all the attention. Then all the coffee shop dates, phone calls and driving “all over hell and high-water” to  meet all the s0-called “hot mamas” was exhausting.

Throwing in the towel, Timbo says, he is quitting the dating business- he prefers the company of his dogs.dog2_7501_20080925

 

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people

than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

Dale Carnegie

Got a Fear of Dating – please curb your sexophobia

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Fresh out-of-the-box.  Right off the shelf.  Right off  the boat. Dating neophytes

There are a lot of metaphors for people who are just back in the Dating Game. For some, getting back into the swing of dating can be daunting. If you have been out of the game for a while, you may notice dating today is a little more complex than it was a decade or two ago.

Not only is the playing field no longer level, the rules have changed. And,  the game is faster and the ‘uniforms’ are a lot shorter. The days of yore-  courting and being coy – are as out dated as hot pants and polyester.

Are you afraid to make a move? There are tons of fears, frights, scares and trepidations.

There are even dating phobias which are irrational, intense, persistent fear of certain nouns (persons, places, things).

For your information:

The Top 10 Common Fears Known to Single Men and Women

1. Isolophobia – fear of being alone
2. Athazagoraphobia- fear of being forgotten
3. Gamophobia – fear of marriage
4. Mageirocophobia – fear of cooking
5. Sexophobia – fear of the opposite sex
6. Gynophobia – fear of women
7. Hominophobia – fear of men
8. Clinophobia – fear of going to bed
9. Homilophobia – fear of sermons
10. Nyctophobia- fear of the dark or night/

Franklin D Roosevelt said it best:
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself –

nameless, unreasoning, unjustified,

terror which paralyzes needed efforts…”

Monogamy? Monotony or integrity? You be the judge


Six women were seated under the lush green pergola, dense with fragrant Cherry blossoms.

The air was redolent and a nearby buffet table was laden with small plates of tapas. The women were sipping Sangria and laughing.


What you get when you cross a polyglot with a polyamorous? Someone who can cheat in six languages.

‘Date Watchers of San Francisco’ is an animated and opinionated women’s group who meet to weigh in on topics issues, mores, and trends. The topic du jour was monogamy and polyamory. All agreed, the song, “Love the One You’re With”  should have been playing in the background.  As a rule, the self-proclaimed “ladies who launch” prefer to date, cohabit with, marry, and hang out with men, one at a time.

 

 

Don’t Tread on Me – mon petite door mat

Karyn, the group leader, told the parable of her friend who crashed and burned in a Dating Debacle. Her friend, Mitzi, met the man of her dreams. They were in love,  inseparable,  intoxicated with one another and head over heels for 5 months.

All was sublime until Mr. Right decided he wanted to ‘date around’ while still dating Mitzi.  He then wanted to know if she would be willing ‘to share him’ with a few other of his soon-to-be-intimate-girl- friends.

Devastated and direct, a resounding, “No!” was her succinct answer. Mr. Right was perplexed, self-absorbed and gone. Altho  Mitzi was saddened by the experience and the loss  she learned a lesson.. and shared her feelings and was a little wiser for the experience.

Tomorrow: Part Two The Lesson

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com .

The New Faces on Match.com

Ginnie was thrilled to be Single and Free. Freshly divorced she made ‘the move.’

After living in tiny Centerville, VA she moved to Our Nation’s Capital and moved in with her younger, sister Tiffany.

Ginnie’s sister had started with an entry level accounting job at the FBI and quickly rose to the Forensics ranks and was happily ensconced in a postion where she reviewed and analyzed financial institution fraud.

The sisters spent a great deal of time sipping Pinot Noir and talking about men, dating, creeps, kooks, cool guys and romance. They were both up for meeting their “Date for Life.” Tiff had dabbled on J.Swipe, Tinder, Plenty of Fish and wasn’t any too pleased with the guys who cropped up.

Her big “crush” on JSwipe, the Jewish Dating Site,  had pursued her with a flood of text messages that had her hook-like and sinker. At one point, he sugggested she call him. Rather than the 2 pm suggested time, she was free to call him at 3 pm – and she got his message machine. His message, “Hi, this is Sean Sullivan. Please leave a message. Slainte” Whoa! An Irish Sean on a Jewish site? Turns out that was nothing compared to the number of married men she found on Tinder.

The parade of DC men were…different. DC Comics different…The sisters knew who and what they were looking for…Wish them luck!

Where are all the guys?

Inspired by the Invitation: Tini, Melanie, Helen, Mary and Dixie put on thier party dresses and heels and headed to the Singles Party in Marin County at the hotel.

 The Senior Singles Party promotion promised a rousing  50/50 Male and Female Mix

As the women entered the hotel, they saw dozens of women – all dressed up and ready to party – a large registration area and bouquets of red, heart-shaped  balloons. There was not a man to be seen. Checking watches, they concluded they were not too early and wondered about the male component.

Minutes later, four men strangled in – a sea of Tommy Bahama shirts and kakhi pants. The appeared to know the organizers and put on their name tags and smiles. Then they mingled. Shills or Singles?

30 Single Women showed up that Sunday afternoon and only a Dozen Men.             The ladies were entertained by the more aggressive femme fatales who went after the men like there was no tomorrow. There were no cat fights…however, there was some jockeying for position and Trump-like pushes to the front of the line.

Not amused, not happy: The five ladies insisted upon refunds on the spot and wandered over to the San Rafael Civic Center Farmer’s Market where, every Sunday is party.

Page Larkin Consults: We met for a two-hour session on “Men and Dating at 50, 60, and 70?”

In additon to candor, there was much laughter and a swell of renewed interest in Meeting a Few Good Men.

They are on the look out…stay tuned for results.

cupid

 

All names have been changed to protect the Suddenly Single.

 

Revelation

New at the Dating Game? So is this lady

Caught in the World Wide Web
of laughs, lines, and libertines
And, this ain’t no Charlotte’s Web

Dear Page,

I am one to peruse Match.com on occasion – okay, twice a day -whether I need to or not.
I have grown accustomed to his smiles. You know – the smiles of the guys in the 40 to 50 year old range.

That’s my milieu, 40-50…Match advises a decade age span to best attract the future date of the month.
If I were to listen to Rayella, in my yoga class, I would subscribe to her theory that all guys on the WWW lie.
She said, “None of the men online are the age they claim to be” She said, “All of them use photos from years ago.”
Antique photos?

No, no, say it isn’t so…
I dismissed her pessimism and attributed that dour point of view to her curly red hair and whiny personality…
in addition, she is a size 2, you know what that means-what could she possibly know?

An optimist, and new at the new scene for singles, I hopped aboard the Fun Train of Internet Dating and before I could memorize my new password, 27 men had looked me over and 16 had winked at me.

Well, maybe it was a blink. Could be a nervous twitch. So I started winking, blinking, nodding.The conundrum, is -Socrates asked it first – (Frosh year philosophy)
What is truth?

On my virgin voyage on Craigslist – I posted a flirty ad.  I met a  man who fianlly admitted he was married (instantly declared null and void)

met one playboy /one dating dabbler, and some very angry people.

…and then were the 40 yr olds and the 65 year olds and then the “photo only” types, the “hit and runs” – mean and caustic remarks posted and then they vanish sans backbone.

I thought: It’s got to get better. And it did. Although, not online.

Best to all of us singles in this quest.

I doff my cap -and quoff my cafe latte – to all those enterprising men and women out there – skating through life – skating on the thin ice of internet dating…

Gina in Burlingame

Dear Gina in Burlingame,

I love this Steve Jobs quote about starting over- see if it fits for you:

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again,

less sure about everything.

It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life. 

 Steve Jobs

Sex drive in neutral? 4 Fab Libido-Lifting Foods to the resuce

Oysters on the half shell – not the solution anymore.

There is a school of thought which professes eating oysters and quaffing champagne as the panacea to a low flying libido. For centuries, oysters have long been deemed the food of love. Myth has it the lustful Casanova ate dozens of oysters a day. Rumor has it, chilies and curries may heat up you sex life, too. Others swear dark chocolate is the key to carnal knowledge.

The Wizard, Dr Oz The famous and ubiquitous Dr Oz has recently come out the Top Four Lust Enhancing super foods. Batteries, champagne and chocolate, not included.

If your sex drive is in ‘neutral’, get thee to a grocery store, today, and pick up these Dr. Oz ideas for enhancing your sexual appetite.

The Fab Four Foods to Whet your Sexual Appetite:


1. Ginger – When you are hot – a stimulating and warming herb said to increase circulation all over.

2. Halibut – A fish known to be so delicious and so promiscuous – leaves you wanton – more? The real thrust is Omega-3’s – a must for “the Big O” says Dr O.

3. Pumpkin Seeds -a handful of these tiny seeds is said to be a” kick start” for your libido and increase- a desire to be romantically inclined.

4. Asparagus, instantly recognized by its own suggestive shape, happens to be high in vitamin E, considered one of the sex hormone stimulants.

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What’s on the Menu Tonight?

Check other people’s shopping baskets as you cruise the aisles of the grocery store today.  You should see a veritable school of fish, bags of pumpkin seeds, ginger by the handful, and bunches of asparagus.

Remember: Don’t be bitter…be sweet

Simply add a healthy dose of candlelight, fresh flowers, soft music and bon appetite and bon nuit, baby cakes.

Passionate for an Aphrodisiac? Good news: Chocolate does contain an active ingredient called phenyl ethylamine that is natural and effective for stimulating sex drive.

Yum!

Bitter

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