Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Archive for the category “midlife dating”

The Simon Cowell of Dating at 50 – Page Larkin

Me?  The Queen of Mean? Whatever do you mean?

Dear Page Larkin,

I think You are the Simon Cowell of Dating Specialists. Why are you so blunt and cold? I’m almost 50, back into dating and confused by Skype dating, speed dating, friends with benefits and calls for booty. It’s hard out there and the so-called Boom-Boom Generation needs to be coddled and cuddled.

American Idle

Dear American Idle,

Sweetie, let me get you a pillow and a blanket – you have enough whine. You are absolutely right; at first- it is uncomfortable on the Internet dating merry-go-round. But wearing those rose-colored glasses can cause myopia and tunnel vision. While I do try to infuse a sense of optimism – realism is a much better coping mechanism.

T.S. Eliot said, “Humankind cannot bear much reality.” Bottom line: get real, have fun and treat your new social life with a sense of adventure. Next!

Love, Page

Hey Page,

Two weeks ago, I met a man on line. His photos were all taken from a distance. He says he is divorced and 49. I’m 44. After a bunch of e-mails, he said, “Let’s get together for coffee,” but he couldn’t meet me if it was raining.  Huh? Everything seemed normal up until that comment. Who doesn’t go out in the rain?                      Wondering in Washington

Hey Wondering in Washington,

Not a hair-brained question. The song: “Raindrops keep dropping on my Toupee comes to mind. A so-called Fair weather friend ~ from Date #1  may be a waste of time. Next!   Love, Page

Hey, Page,

What’s the best book I can buy to understand what men are thinking. I used to know the dating game – now, I am totally confused.

Beginners Luck in Burlingame

Hey, Beginners Luck,

The bible for a lot of women is the best selling: He’s Just Not That Into You. Another favorite self-help-yourself book, with candid, direct insights into what men are thinking is comedian and radio show host, Steve Harvey’s   Act like a Lady – Think like a Man  See my column about this book.     This should be  required reading for women. Seriously.

Online Dating for Dummies is a great Cliff Notes kind of a quick read.

Finally, good luck and to help decipher all this – read my column, That’s Rude! Online Dating  TipLove, Page

 

 

 The bible for a lot of women is the best selling: He’s Just Not That Into You. Another favorite self-help-yourself book, with candid, direct insights into what men are thinking is comedian and radio show host, Steve Harvey’s   Act like a Lady – Think like a Man  See my column about this book.     This should be  required reading for women. Seriously.

Online Dating for Dummies is a great Cliff Notes kind of a quick read. Finally, good luck and to help decipher all this – read my column, That’s Rude! Online Dating  TipLove, Page

hat and glases1

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at page.larkin@gmail.com  All reposts permitted with copy written notice and link to original article. All other rights reserved.

Advertisements

Gullibles Travels – a hoax by any other name?

Piltdown man is reputed to be the biggest hoax of the century.

PicMonkey Image-43

However, the famous Kurt Vonnegut MIT commencement speech, Wear Sunscreen, has to be right up there with the Top 10 Internet Hoaxes.

Vonnegut is famous for his writing, especially:  Slaughterhouse Five and Breakfast of ChampionsBoth were mandatory reading in the ‘70’s for members of the Boom Boom Generation.

Vonnegut, an icon and a hero, supposedly delivered The 1997 speech at MIT.

It was a shopping list of life’s lessons filled with glib advice and pithy pointers on living well and coloring outside the lines:

  • Do one thing every day that scares you.
  • Sing.
  • Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
  • Floss.
  • Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.
  • Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
  • Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
  • Stretch.
  • Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Unlike many commencement speeches, the clever discourse both resonated and inspired.  Myriad copies of the speech flew around the world via e-mail and  bounced off one country and ricocheted back.

i-like-youicon-great

In reality,  the piece was  written by a well known, highly respected, columnist by the name of Mary Schmich of the Chicago Tribune. For a long while, as the hoax simmered and sparked, Schmich received zero credit for her well constructed, witty, life’s lessons. Another life’s lesson: you can’t believe everything you read.

Caveat Emptor
As you meander through a forest of on line dating profiles, remove your rose colored glasses.

Learn the all important skill of reading between the lines. Remember the funny and fowl line: if it looks and quacks like a duck- he is not a prince in shining armor.

Truth is divine. Dance like no one is watching.


The missing email ruins everything?


You may have been have been “Lost in Space”…and didn’t even know it.

It happens.

In the wide, wonderful, world of online dating  e-mails, every once in awhile that very special pivotal electronic message gets lost in “Ether Space.”

It’s the Netherworld, that 10th Ring of Hell where, just like socks, e-mails go missing.

 What? Me, worry?

And, yes, dear- Online Dating Beginner… it has happened to you. You just didn’t realize it. What you considered to be a rejection or a rebuff,

in reality, may have simply been a “Triple E, an Ether Evaporated E-mail”.

Single in Sausalito, Rusty,  wrote Bernadette  a beautifully crafted, romantic poem of epic proportions in response to her invitation for a weekend in the Wine Country. For two days, she patiently perched near her computer waiting for this response. Nada. Zilch. Zero response.

Bernadette sadly concluded Rusty was ‘Not that into her.’

The longer she ruminated- the more she thought – “Heh! Perhaps he was a bit of cur and  the she concluded: “What a jerk. Next.”

Upon return from the weekend of swimming, wine tasting, tennis, chess, and charades with her friends, she checked her emails. There she finally discovered the most eloquent, poetic, e-mail from Rusty accepting her invitation.  Unfortunately, the long awaited e-mail was lost in the far recesses of Ether Space for several days before surfacing. It happens.

photo_6031_20080519

Erin  tells the story of meeting “The most wonderful man from Santa Fe” while waiting for a plane at Denver International. Due to “weather” and delayed flights, they spent 4 hours chatting, having coffee and being totally mesmerized with one another. They exchanged business cards and e-mail addrsses and reluctantly boarded planes to their respective homes.

She  knew she had met her soul mate. And then, she never heard from him again. She garnered  the courage and sent three  e-mails- in three weeks- and never heard a word back from her “potential soul mate.” Chalking it up to a “C’est la vie” event – she went on. Disappointed.

One year to the month later, she was in line at the MOMA and ‘Santa Fe guy’ walked up -looked at Erin and point blank asked “Why didn’t you respond to my e-mails?”  She asked him the same question.

Lost in Space…She is now Married Erin and living a happily ever after life

There is a new saying, “When in doubt: don’t Rescind the invitation, Resend”.

images

“We Need to Talk” the four scariest words known to man


Which four little words strike terror in the hearts of men?

The most virile, robust, brawny man can be instantly reduced to a quaking, quivering puddle of ‘uh-oh’ when he hears the infamous, “We need to talk.”

It’s Pavlovian.

Men hear “We need to talk ” and instantly break out in panic and alarm. Peter in Milpitas  said, “Everyman knows those four words are code for “You are in big trouble, buddy”

There are no visions of sugarplums dancing in guy’s heads.

It’s more like visions of: The Breaking-up Talk; “Weapons of Mass Discussion” and the inevitable “The Top 10 things you did wrong, dude”.

Men have said that hearing “The Four Words” is far more intimidating than hearing these four ~

  • · Pull the vehicle over
  • · Your grades came today
  • · Your boss is calling
  • · Test results are here
  • · We’re going Christmas shopping
  • · The kids found your_____

 Even a towering Tony Soprano type can be reduced to a blithering George Costanza upon hearing you say, “We need to talk”.   

So, ladies: use these Four Words with caution and discretion. All the great lovers in history had issues and peace talks.

Think of Bonnie and Clyde, Ozzie and Harriet, Bill and Hillary, Homer and Marge. Be judicious.

Tis the season to be jolly and… talk amongst yourselves.

The First Date: the coffee date “Hey, look me over”


You’ve seen them at coffee shops, restaurants, and Starbucks. You can tell.

 She walks in, looking around for a complete stranger. She glances at the faces of every male in the room – seriously hoping her first date-guy looks like the photo he posted online.

When the ‘closest facsimile’ waves her over to his table, with a broad smile, she cautiously walks over to join him. She is still walking on thin ice and treading lightly. You notice they both have fake and cautious smiles plastered on their faces, half nervous, half curious.

Sticker Shock

Both are quickly adjusting to the “First-Meeting Sticker Shock.” Their minds are racing like a deck of shuffling cards.

Best-case inner dialogue could be: “Phew. Wow. What a relief! Looks exactly like the photo,” or worst-case scenario, both parties -with frozen smiles and minds racing with thoughts like: “What was I thinking? What a mistake. OMG. How can I get out of this? How long do I have to stay? Check please. Please.”

It’s a Dance…

You have to admire people who take the plunge, who get out there and do the dating dance. Somedays it’s like a waltz – other times it’s the Twist…or a jitterbug- fast and frenetic. When two hearts and minds collide and match – that’s the best.

For every couple grimacing through the awkward stages of meeting somebody for coffee for the first time, there are hundreds of us sitting at home pretending to be satisfied with watching TV with a cat, cruising the free dating sites… and all that other single, solitary, alone stuff.


Bravo to the brave of heart
who wear their hearts on their sleeves and get out there and make the effort to meet somebody new. 

Gold Stars and Gold Medals all around for the brave and the few. It’s a New Day – a New Year Why not put your single, big toe into the Dating Game?

 

Remember: Today is the first day of the rest of your social life. Get out there and have fun.

Cheer Up, Binkie. Get inspired Put these on Post-it notes:

” When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” François de la Rochefoucauld

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss

“By persistently remaining single, a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

pexels-photo-169391.jpeg

“If you are single there is always one thing you should take out with you on a Saturday night… your friends.” – Sex in the City

Time to put Your Big Toe in the Dating Pool?

Do you take a Swan Dive or Flip into

Internet Dating Pool?

San Francisco: The Dating Playground of Life…replete with lots of slides…a few swings – many merry-go-rounds-and a whole lotta teeter-tottering going on.

 

If you’re like me, and you might be Suddenly Single…

So, you seek out kindred spirits – people of substance, wit, humor, a certain joie de vivre.

You take the time to ascertain exactly what you are looking for...heck, you even make a list.

At this stage of the game – You’ve kissed a few frogs.
Okay, you did more than just kiss that frog…it was dark – it was late- and when he softly whispered “ribit” in your ear…and he queried breathlessly, “Your pad or mine, Lily?”  You succumbed.

 

So you’ve got The List- including a plethora of important aspects, qualities, virtues, facets of man  (Or- woman) of your dreams…
Age, height, education, general background, appearance, temperment, Peet’s v Starbucks, have they read anything SINCE  The Da Vinci code?
And:
The TWO Biggies:

*1. Have they been married before? (How many times? And for how long?)
* 2. And, what kind of a parent are they?

If he reveals he: ‘Only has one more $25.00 child support payment left’
Lace up your Easy Spirit running shoes and dart!

 Perhaps they are 50+ and never been married?
That’s  okay… Ask just  how long was that last  “meaningful” relationship and are they still talking to one another? Why did it end?


Back to The List –

HOT TIP: You should carefully analyze – if your idea of “foreplay” is two hours at The Outlets and Nordstrom Rack – and he is a couch potato…. who “couches” foreplay, fiveplay and every play he can think of with the insipid sentence “I love to snuggle,” Either don the running shoes or get the bunny slippers out. Your call.

On your ‘Must Have list’ – you might list: Integrity at the very top.

We wandered into a unique Marin County ‘Dive Bar’ the other night…
It was an eclectic crowd – and the bragging rights were attached to the fact that some men had logged over 1000 (one-thousand) HOURS at the bar.
One thousand hours – sitting on a bar stool – and thye were proud of it. Next!

So – don’t go there. 
We don’t have to go to bars to meet singles of the opposite sex – nor should a gentleman over 50 be trawling the bar scene.
Get fins, mask, – oxygen- lots of oxygen and get ready for the plunge...into the Pool of Internet Dating.

Plan on having a good time.

What do women want? Listen, Santa Baby

Santa Baby, we need to talk. Listen to this: reports indicate, every day, women say 1000 more words than male counterparts. We can talk about this, if you like.

A random poll recently conducted at Curves, a nail salon, an OB-Gyn office and a leading yoga studio revealed

The Top 200 Words that Women
Would Most Like to Hear are:

1. Merry Christmas, the blue little box is for you.

2. You are beautiful; those jeans make you look so thin and sexy.

3. How was your day? You’re brilliant. Hugs.

4. Here, darling, a couple of credit cards. Take them and go on a shopping spree. You deserve it. Gump’s is having a sale.

5. Can I draw you a bath? Let me wrap all the presents.

6. Of course, I’d love to watch a chick flick on the couch with you. ‘You’ve Got Mail’ or “Serendipity”?

7. Forget the 49ers. Let’s go walk at the beach.

8. I just called to say ‘I love you.’ Did you find the flowers I left on the doorstep?

9. You’re the greatest. Babe, sit down, watch your programs; I’ll do the dishes.

10. I’ve got mistletoe! You and me? Away in the manger?

11. Hark! Do you hear what I hear? The kids are asleep.

12. You’re an incredible wife and mother. I missed you and vacuumed the house.

Listen. Women may tend to be loquacious, voluble and talkative; we have a lot to say.

A savvy Santa is perceptive and sage. Spice up your life with the Top 200 Words Women Want to Hear.

Date Bait: Want to hook a honey for Christmas? Best Match.com on

Patty W. lives in Pasadena and was single/again for two years befor she signed up for Match.com

In a flight of fancy, she filled out the online dating questionaire and in a short while,( read: one week)  she met the Love of Her Life. Yes, Binkie, it happens.

Patty in Pasadena

Hi. I am happy and positive, sensual, physically fit, passionate about life and very self-assured. Friends describe me as open, thoughtful and caring with an empathy for others.

You want and truly value a partner who is loyal and can be there for you, in all ways, and support your needs as well as your own. 
You’re active, attractive, eager to explore, intellectually curious and like to play. 
 
You have a busy and engaged life you love, but want a partner and best friend to share the highs and the lows with, and to grow together. You love to touch and be touched, and desire the emotional and physical intimacy that you know in your heart is truly possible. 
My “dream partner” and best friend is family-oriented, smiles a lot and is up for the adventure of life–comfortable with spontaneous (and perhaps even crazy) spur-of-the-moment trips both near to home and far away, when that is possible with our mutually busy schedules. 
 That week,  Patty had a dozen winks and few one-line notes from guys  and a sweet note from Gary in Oxnard. His note led to a lengthy, entertaining, phone call, a coffee date which lasted three hours and involved a long walk- replete with lively conversation and a connection.
That was a year ago. The two are making “Future Plans” and are forever indebted to miraculous Match.com.
ringgg

Miraculous

Don’t Do This: Lousy First Dates

canoe-63457__340What not to do on your First Date:

Fact: You are still being Checked Out and are Checking Out Your Date from head to toe. Avoid suggesting a horrible, terrible, no good, First Date like these:

No Skydiving

No PaintBall

No Rocky Horror Picture Show

No Dumpster Diving

1dumpsterscA

No Zombie Camp

14463256_1294649667226013_6899125032356305434_n

No Duck Hunting with Buddies on Date #1

No Introducing First Date to Your Kids

Gator20081017

No Gator Hunting.

Yes to Baseball Games, Hikes, Strolls, Sharing a meal, Going to Comedy.14522922_10206753619191288_4179986392809610747_n

 

Put the brakes on speed dating workshops?

High atop a hill in beautiful San Francisco, a new Dating Workshop was slated to “To rival all others.”

The attendees were nestled all tight in their seats with visions of horizontal happiness dancing in their heads.

Mica Glassworthy was the guest speaker and the topic was “Speed Dating for those stuck in First Gear”
Mica was tall, lithe, dressed in silver from head to toe – very Prada, Hermes, Manola Blahnik…her carefully coiffed hair was remarkable – and all the women were remarking…
The large bustling audience was comprised of  women over 50 who were ‘game’ to try something new. That was the tag line on all the flyers and in the email blast: Try something new.


I had been ready to try something new for a long time. At the time, my maiden voyagae of three months on Internet dating had been a roller coaster ride – with very high highs and some lonely lows. Quelle bummer.

Ms Bored Stiff sat next to me and heaved a huge sigh. She looked at me and in an accusatory tone, head her tilted, said, “What are you doing here?” I laughed – and told her, “Research. I’m trying something new.”
She shook her head and said, “Where are all the fat girls? This room is crawling with Bay Club-Rats. Look at this crowd.”


I looked around – granted, a number of the women looked like “Wind Tunnel 101′ – thats code for “Face lifted” and way too many G’s.”

Mica was well spoken, elegant and dry. She had multiple lists of statistics on dating at 50; dating in San Francisco; second marriages and success rates. Her hand outs were accepted by the attendees and we promplty placed them in our hand bags.

As our expert droned on, the natives grew increasingly restless. Glances were exchanged, eyes were rolled and heads were shaking. We were not there for a symposium- we wanted answers, tips, clues, websites.

The Inmates Take over the Workshop

The attendees later agreed, the only list we wanted was a list of Hot Spots in San Francisco to meet men. We exchanged stories on our nightmare dates.

Truthfully, Mica lost control of the workshop and the ladies did what women do best : we talk – we share – we inform.

Okay, so I did  a wee bit more sharing than most.

See Here: Phobias and Fear of Dating

and Three’s a Crowd;

New Faces on Match.com

 

Post Navigation