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Archive for the category “midlife dating”

Sugar n spice or frogs and snails? Boys vs. girls on the dance floor

And the ladies begin the Beguine….

What are little boys made of?  What about little girls: Sugar and spice and everything nice?

The Dance of the Sexes: The Evite said come to a dance- filled experiment in “Sexual Energy Escape.”

Sixty  people showed up to a makeshift Berkeley ballroom in a funky warehouse space to participate in the dance event. Thirty men and thirty women, all 40 to 50-something, by invitation only – facilitated by dancer, Rainbea Kanyon.

How do you begin the Beguine?  

Our host, a barefoot Amazon with a wild halo of blonde frizzy hair, wore a simple muslin chemise over an incredible muscular and toned body. As floods of people arrived and checked coats, we were told: no talking, remove our shoes, hydrate continually and commence dancing. C’est fini.

On the dance floor…

May I have this Dance?

Start dancing? In a bizarre turn of events, the men gravitated to one side – women on another. The music was a mélange– Keith Jarrett segued into the Rolling Stones, Satie, and Sinatra, blended into Techno followed by a slice of Lawrence Welk then hip-hop. Chubby Checker’s “Let’s Twist Again”  lit up the room everyone went wild and laughed. Michael Jackson hits then  Joan Jett & The Black Hearts sang “I Love Rock & Roll” followed by “Spirit In The Sky” – Norman Greenbaum. There was never a moment of silence. Nor could you anticipate the eclectic music.

And the fans go wild

The music changed and became more drum oriented, the men naturally started in what looked like war dances, rain dances, conga lines, stomping, doing a kind of Samoan chest thumping, with big, bold gestures.


As music became more animated – loud drums pulsing and hypnotic- first two- then 10 men began crawling- on- their -bellies- like reptillies – two men shoulder to shoulder, forming a snake were slithering around the dance floor. Laughing….We women were amused and confused. How did this cadre of men – total strangers – end up bonding and slithering?

Girls just want to have fun

Women wafted, soft-shoed, floated, were jazzy, sexy and did salsa, hula and rhumba; we did a whole lot of swaying, shimmy and shimmer. Men jumped, stomped, pranced, and war danced, several tried break dancing.                    

Dancing fools~~~~

The men were stealing the show.     

The music changed, again, and the men were high energy, brio, bravado, and gusto.  As a rule, the women were tripping the light fantastic, doing a bit of ballet, belly dancing, jete, some threw in a little yoga, a dash of Pilates, even some Jazzercise reared its ugly head. Rainbeau encouraged, inspired, motivated, and vitalized the group.

Everyone appeared to be having fun – the men, on the other side, appeared to be having way more fun. Rainbea told us to form a   a circle and we danced, lugging,smiling, flirting and everyone dissolved into couples…

Men and women on the dance floor of life – so much more fun heart -to -heart and holding hands.

What is the Secret to happiness? Low Expectations?


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Humorist Dave Barry said:

“What women want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held.

What men want: Tickets to the World Series.

 

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Two kinds of men online? Are you a wolf or a puppy?

Online dating-  there are two kinds of guy.

The first guy is of the candy store mentality: Booya! Life is a buffet. Let me put you in my little black book – I’ll call ya! We’ll call him Phil Anderer.

Then there is the more patient, sincere guy – more of a one relationship at a time – sweet and attentive; women call him Prince Charming.

Or: One Date at a Timephoto_1021_20060206

Eventually, Roger- the 62 year old, suddenly-single dating neophyte – was dating.

Sally was a “perfect match’ and he was enjoying her company and concerts, exploring San Francisco and the comfortable companionship.

His buddy, Big Daddy ( aka Mike B from law school days) invited him to join a Marin men’s group. It was an intense knot of over-achievers, trust fund boys, and a few strikingly handsome metro-sexuals (who would later espouse the need for facials, eyebrow-shaping, and a wardrobe of eyeglasses) who talked about their feelings and treating women-all women (wives, lovers, trysts,) with respect.

Big Daddy- a self-appointed coach- took Roger by the hand and ‘guided’ him. He readily shared his well-honed philosophy on life, love, ladies, community, and the “basic human need for a variety of sexual partners.”

He reminded his conservative pal, that after 30 years with the same woman, it was time to make up for lost time. Life was a buffet – he encouraged his Roger to dive in. Big Daddy would show him the way.

Although very enamored with Sally, whom he had been happily dating for weeks – he was taken with the idea of a lazy Susan of sexual partners.

Meanwhile, back at The Commune

Big Daddy’s unusual living arrangement had Roger imagining a Bob, Ted, Carol, and Alice scenario: Bed hopping, one-night stands and casual trysts.  Roger thought it sounded delicious. They did a walk-through of the property. Roger was impressed by the organic vegetable garden, the meditation rooms, the vast hot tub, fire pits near the  deck, a sauna for 10, and a  remarkable, sunken living room with wall-to-wall mattresses. Big Daddy called it the “Party Room.” There were solar panels on every building and lots of hugs and kisses as Roger met “The Crew.” Everyone hugged and kissed. Nice.

Like a Black Lab, panting with excitement, Roger wanted to know where to sign up.

And so it began…

Being an ethical man – in all fairness, Roger felt like he had to share his new lifestyle opportunity with Sally.

In a perfect world, she would be part of his harem.

He would break the news that night after dinner.

Gator20081017Sally called it  

The Last Supper and Bon Voyage, Loser!

Worst Online Dating Pix?

Don’t try this at home

Yes, a picture is worth a thousand words and in the wild, wonderful, world of online dating – you must put your best photo forward.

Here are the worst of the day:

 

 

 

Take you time, ask a friend to assit with taking and selecting the most flattering photos.

There is only you and your camera.

The limitations in your photography are in yourself,

for what we see is what we are.

Ernst Haas

Dating Hoax 101:Hooked by a Catfish

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She said she was 42, divorced, amorous, available and waiting for Mr. Right.

Her pictures were stunning – she was a tall, lanky, brunette – often posing in clothing befitting a lingerie model. That was sexy – yet, strange –as she said she was trained as an attorney. She readily admitted she only had a few clients- very wealthy clients – who flew her to their resort-like homes for consultations. She practiced Business Law.

And she didn’t like to talk about her profession.

On the free dating website, her name is Venus. She loves the beach, puppies, NCIS, negligees, chocolates and roses. As a rule, after the exchange of two emails she generally gives out her phone number. She is very friendly and flirty.

Mike met Venus online five years ago and they have been chatting on the phone ever since. He is married – his wife doesn’t understand him. Mike would really like to meet her in person – however, Venus is always in court. He understands – she is very famous. He lives in Wyoming. He is in love with Venus and is willing to wait.

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Tim met Venus online six months ago. He is ready to move from Texas to San Francisco to be near her. He is a mechanic- and wants to work at Tesla.  They talk on phone every day. Her Skype is broken. Darn. He wants to fly out and take her to dinner at “A fancy place in Frisco – her choice.” She tells him – she would love it – when the big case is over. Her last case took two years to settle. He can’t wait to see her penthouse in the Marina District of San Francisco – it has views of “all the bridges” and she can hear “the trolleys” and smell the French Bread being baked. Tim hangs on her every word.

Tim is trusting and in love. Not a computer -guy – he would never think of Googling Venus – her law firm, her home address with all those classic San Francisco treats. Hence, the successful masquerade by Venus.

As Fate would have it: Venus (aka Janice B.) lives in Fremont. She is single/never married, 55, and for a month, was a nanny for an attorney and his wife. She is a clerk at Kohl’s. She is clever, lonely and really good at “spinning yarns”  according to her sister whose hesitates to call Janice a liar. In five years, Janice has met and engaged – over the phone and texting- with two dozen men online. She has never met any of the men in person.

Buyer Beware: There are schools of scammers called Catfish – who pretend to be something they aren’t…lying is second nature and there are no ethics involved. Think: Web of lies

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Catfish: verb: To be baited by a person ‘trolling/trawling the internet – pretending to be someone thery aren’t.

Dr Phil has done a public service show – exposing these Catfish scam artists.  See Here: 

See: Catfish definition

See the MTV Show Catfish

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The most common lie is that which one lies to himself; lying to others is relatively an exception.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Listen to what she says on the first date, Binkie

The truth is loud and clear – Just Listen

Ted confided he hadn’t been on a date in a very long time.

His Match.com account was filled with the cobwebs of inactivity. He tried Tinder and didn’t get swiped or swept away. Out of the blue, Kiki K.of SF   reached out to him and started a dialogue. They exchanged a few emails – she was new in town, lost – didnt know where the cool bars and godd restaurants were. She wondered if he could help. Could he? Oh, yeah.

She invited him over to her apartment – and aplogized in advance, she was moving and things and were topsy-turvey. She lived in the Haight. Well, he thought, perhaps in the better part…He arrived and drove around for awhile before a small sliver of a parking space appeared. After “helloes”  she explained she was nervous- had some anxiety issues. He thought “Who doesn’t?” After she “tidied up” they sat her cafe table, each chair was covered with clothing, a stack papers, a bag of kitty litter…

He noticed Kiki ( 50-ish, slim, dressed in black, no make up, no jewelry) didn’t ask him any questions. She gushed tell-tale information, clues galore – and Ted was so enchanted to be in  a conversation with a pretty woman he wasn’t really listening  She readily offered her life in San Francisco has been a bomb. She wasn’t happy. She did “some binge drinking” and – so slim – wasn’t eating.

Huge, neon, red flags were waving all around the room with each disclosure. Ted didn’t want to see them. Her long list of things she hated was not too off-putting; who didn’t like loud neighbors, traffic, landlords?

However, when Kiki disclosed what she did to “all of the above,” he took note. She left cat poop at her neighbors front door. She wrote hate letters to the apartment owner, she spray painted the garage.

Ted was growing uncomfortable. This was more of a therapy appointment than a date.

Kiki asked him for a ride to the DMV in Daly City. He knew the SF DMV was mere blocks away and mentioned it. She grew agitated and said the people there were all morons.

A lightening bolt of reality finally hit Ted and he knew it was time to escape. Fast. A lousy liar, he looked at his watch and said he had to move his car. She said, “I will come with!” and Ted nervously said, “No. I had better go. There is something I have to do.” He got up quickly, walked towards to door, mumbled “Nice-to-meet-you-good luck-with-everything-have-a-nice-day.”

He did the run-walk-run and didn’t listen to whatever she was screaming at him.

The aim of the wise is not to secure pleasure, but to avoid pain.

Aristotle

Fear and Loathing of Dating in San Francisco?

Since when did the men and women in San Francisco become so afraid of one another?

Does online dating perpetuate a fear of rejection or a fear of commitment?

Perhaps the breakneck speed of cyber dating has given singles ‘Virtual Whiplash’ and an abject fear of rejection. If you are enrolled in a dating service like Tinder, Match.comor EHarmony, you receive emails with pictures of your so-called ‘perfect matches’ on a daily basis. This overload of information may cause side effects of head spinning, heart palpitations and ego swelling.

Photo-Shopping for Prince Charming?

And so it goes: you are on virtual shopping spree with a Photo-shopping bent. Beginners go from diligently reading profiles and daydreaming to simply scanning pictures. Next. It might look something like this: Patrick: 49, tennis pro, poet, chef, looks good, but George, Pulitzer Prize winner, spelunker, yo-yo champ-looks better. Like a kid on an Easter egg hunt, you pick up one brightly colored object and dismiss it just as quickly, thinking something better will come along. This can’t be good

Doctor Love

Dr Joan M, a leading San Francisco psychologist, studies relationships. She recently said many of her clients have more first-dates than they knew what to do with. One peripatetic client met with 90 women in his first year of being newly divorced. He had the classic Clint Eastwood experience and met “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.”  However, once he got past his myopic, “Looking for Barbie,” phase, he got serious, focused and eventually met his true soul mate. It happens.

The good Dr maintains that suddenly single men and women hovering around age 50 want relationships. However, with age, a new requirement has transpired: both sexes have a need for intimacy and concurrent independence. They have quaffed the Kool-Aid and succumbed to, as one woman put it, “A need to be in his arms and then be an arm’s length away.”  The Solution? A healthy dose of compromise and honesty are necessary for any healthy relationship.

Kissing Frogs and Playing Hard to Get

It is your call: do you kiss a few frogs, explore dating at 50 with an open heart and open mind or steadfastly hold out for the perfect Prince Charming / Princess Charisma?

Try this: Open your eyes – and your heart – for a fun and fulfilling relationship with the guy or girl next door. Be available and aware. Finally, look in the mirror: you have to be the person you want to attract.  Ribbit.

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com .

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Flirting with random acts of kindess – oh, yeah!

“All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness, and others by sense”.

Rochefoucauld

George– a real flirt – He is known to  buys bags of Hershey Kisses and says he drops one or two off on tables of interesting women at the library, Peet’s or various cafes- when he is strolling through. George is famous for giving away free kisses and smiles.

Parking Karma Katie always has a pocket of quarters and when she sees the army of parking meter mavens in attack mode, she kindly puts a couple of quarters in each expired meter. Sweet!

Before breakfast, my pal Troyer, always buys two San Francisco Chronicles. He reads one and offers a second copy to any attractive single woman in one of the three cafés he frequents each week. He’s famous for this. Some women love to see a newspaper….others are confused.

Coffee, tea or me? After a month, three times a week, of handing a double latte, to her “Favorite, cute customer with no wedding ring and a ready smile”- Peggy wrote her phone number on the sleeve of his coffee cup.  It worked! They have been dating ever since.

Troyer in San Jose is famous for the “I thought you two were sisters” comment to the mothers of the women he dates. Believe it or not, mothers-of an age- loves this. Big Points.

Eye Contact Eileen in South San Francisco writes that she looks at man, catches his eye and turns away. She looks back and smiles. She says it works every time. Eye contact is an icebreaker and a romantic catalyst.

Mark, the dapper crossing guard on Geary Boulevard, tells most every woman he sees she looks “lovely this morning, ma’am.” Women actually cross the street just to talk to Edward.

Rusty, the flirting waiter at Rigolo in Laurel Village, greets and kids around with every female customer who comes to the small cafe. He is always ready with a compliment and a smile. Needless to say, he’s a very popular guy.

Valerie, the tall redhead at the checkout clerk at the Marina Safeway, a polyglot, greets customers in their respective homeland lingo. People love this and make a beeline to her line. To say she is admired – only begins to describe her life.

Love Story at 80 In The City

Most mornings you can see Henry and Barbara, holding hands, walking up and down the streets in Presidio Heights. He wears a Cal baseball cap and she wears a red Stanford hat. The two octogenarians talk and laugh and Henry frequently picks up newspapers and tosses them up to neighbor’s front doors. The two exude an affection and attraction that most aspire to. Some think it’s good luck to see this darling devoted couple.

All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness, and others by sense”. Rochefoucauld

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at page.larkin@gmail.com

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Dear Page Larkin: Foolish Women and Great Guys?

Party_girl

Dear Page

Satuday night, my new guy showed up with a bottle of chilled Procesco, Mel Brooks’  “History of  the World” and two bags of popcorn – one with sea salt and a brown sugar melange, a bag of M&M’s and, admittedly, an impressive fruit tray. And more chocolate. TCHO. He calls me and sends sweet greeting cards every week….I just am not sure about him. What shall I do?
Bossy Pants Petaluma

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 Dear Bossy Pants Petaluma
Don’t spend another minute thinking about this: send ME his number, thanks! A million girls would love to be wooed by a guy that clever and cute and sweet. Get Woke, girlfriend.

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Page, Help!

I am 55, divorced, no kids, employed and  know I am the perfect date – dozens of women have told me that. My problem is so many gals just want  one date, one meal, one bottle of wine and they disappear. They don’t respond to emails, text or calls. What am I doing wrong?

Clarke Able

Dear Clarke,  You do sound like a great date – what you neglect to mention is the conversation, the general feeling, and the level of mutual attraction. Are you both enjoying the meal, is conversation flowing, are you in agreement in most topics, are you both smiling or squirming during the date? These are all clues to the success of the date. Take Note. Good luck.

Love, Page

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Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.

Wayne Dyer

 

Yes! New improved Shortest Fairy Tale

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It went viral – The World’s Shortest Fairy Tale was all over the Internet.

Bitter or Better?

Hey, Let’s try that again…


Once upon a time”… a man asked a woman, to marry him.  

 The woman said, “No. No thank you.”

… and for a while she lived pretty -happily-ever-after…

She went shopping, hiking, went to movies and volunteered at Casa de los Madres and Onebrick…she danced, frequented museums, book readings, drank really great wine, always had a clean house, did yoga three times a week;  cooked quinoa, tofu, brownies and  triple chocolate chip cookies when she felt like it; she did whatever she wanted, never argued, didn’t get fat, traveled more, had many friends, compatriots, pals,  and buddies  …

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She entertained, went to lectures, bowled, she played and prayed – as needed.  She never watched sports ( except the SF Giants, the World Series, the Super Bowl, The Warriors,  and Wimbledon)  She never wore itchy, cheap lingerie; she had high self-esteem, never cried or yelled…she looked fabulous in sweat pants, designer jeans and Little Black Dresses  and  was pleasant all the time.

photo_1ben918_20060901Yawn. All that got old.

She learned that she was missing an important component…she craved and pined for someone  to partner with, establish  a connection – a union – a much more than mere friendship person.

She wanted to hold hands with, to wake -up -with-in-the morning, to kiss good night and wish ‘sweet dreams’ to every night for the rest of her life. ilove u_-9

She Wanted a Prince of a Man:   

A  perfect partner-in-crime, and play, in plans, to grow old with … And she opened her heart and her eyes and developed a more worldly view.  She was always one to share and play well with others…

When, lo and behold: she met a friend. A BoyFriend – and they clicked- they were a Match, they had Chemistry and Harmony… they got along.

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He was fun and funny, and sweet and thoughtful. They really enjoyed each other’s company. She had her Date for Life!

They were in love and Friends for Life. They planned, played, and lived happily ever after.

The Beginning.


Deckchairs with view of lake

Her Final Fantasy? Will your Prince or Princess appear?


Feeling like Cinderella or Goldilocks: is dating too hard, too hot, or too cold?

Peggy is a 45+-year-old, Tech Exec who is very cute, smart and driven.

She is a woman who readily admits she really knows what she wants. Ironically, we met at a recent  Human Awareness Institute event about ‘Finding Love and Exploring Options’.

Over lunch, Peggy confided that she had drawn up a list of “The 101 Top Traits” she wanted in the man of her dreams. Incredulous, I asked her if she would be willing to share her list with me. She whipped out her iPhone and pulled up the lengthy -very specific list – which went on-  and on – ad naseum.

She was on the lookout for a man who played tennis, bridge, and chess; No Mensa members, must be a BMW driver, should be 5’8, weigh 168, and have alabaster skin. She wanted Mr. Right to have a full head of hair, preferably black hair, he should have 20/20 vision, and preferably blue eyes. She was specific about the kind of clothes he should wear (do they even make Sulka silk robes anymore?) and she even listed some of the books that he should have read.

I Stopped Reading at ‘Shoe Size’

 

Over mugs of green tea and divine Key Lime pie, I tried to gently talk Peggy down from the (read: ludicrous) shopping list she had created years earlier.  

However, compromise was not in her vocabulary.

She knew what she didn’t want: no doctors or lawyers need apply. Her first two husbands – one of each- taught her a big Life’s lesson, she said.

This time around she was looking for a more spiritual connection, somebody she could eat, love and pray with. When I asked her about her success rate, she blushed and admitted she was at the workshop for one reason: to find a man. She agreed to keep me posted on her successes. She will never be listless.

At dinner that evening, I saw Peggy deeply engrossed in a conversation with a fair skinned man, with blue eyes and a mane of black hair.

Wonder if he kept his silk bathrobe in his BMW?

 

Are you are reality based dater or a Must-Have-or-it’s-a deal-breaker kind of a social butterfly?

Tell me what works for you. Email me at Page.Larkin@gmail.com

 

 

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