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Archive for the category “Dating over 50”

Tips: The Best and Worst Opening Lines

comics-1299500__340The Good, the Bad and the Ugly?

John J. in Los Gatos is friendly, fun and flirty.

Note: Women love this. This is a “formula note” he sends out after a women has looked at his dating profile:         

Hello.  Thank you for perusing my profile. I like YOURS too. I was also lousy in Chemistry until entering the dating world. I notice you seek someone less than 47 miles away…Too bad I live 48 miles away (LOL kidding, it’s actually twice that distance;-). Three years ago I, too, lived in SF – had a wonderful apartment on Chestnut & Van Ness.  I wish we had met on-line then! I used to run in Golden Gate Park (until knee surgery ended my running career and started my cool new biking habit;-) Thanks, again for the look! Best of luck in finding that very lucky local SF Dude. Ciao Bella, John J in Los Gatos

Huge Points for John J. who is proactive, positive, flirty and friendly. His ‘form letter’ garners more attention than a wink or a one-liner. Go, John J.! frog-prince-398828__180

Mikey 68 (“A jock with bad knees but a good heart”) was a PE Major, not a creative writer,  who hired a  professional writer to enhance his online dating profile.  They talked – she took notes, and two days later, she came back with a new iamge: Michael 101.

He went from a bumbling Jimmy Kimmel to smooth Jimmy Stewart. He debated about keeping his long past profession (Veterinarian) out of the picture – she insisted he blatantly brag about being a Doctor. She said single women are on the look out for professionals. She also encouraged him to insert a passion for reading all things Jane Austen. She sent him links to Jane Austen for Dummies and The Cliff Notes.  She also changed his online name to  ‘Mr Darcy.” His opening line is, Call me Tall dark and handsome and I will follow you any where. Mr Darcy. His “ratings” went up. Way Up.

Tons of email every week:  Michael/Mr Darcy  gets a ton of winks, emails, and canned greetings from women all over the country. Whether it is his picture, his winning personality/profession as a DR,  Or his ghost-writer’s finesse in creating a faux Prince. He is only slightly embarrassed when women discover he has none of Mr Darcy’s attributes. Glib, he says Austen is ‘fiction.’  Truth or Dare? He is convinced he will meet a sweetheart. not_match-aCall me Timbo  (62, hunter, NRA devotee, catches fish with his hands)

He lives in an “A-state.” He is looking for one woman with whom to spend the rest of his life.  The other three did not work out. Clever man, got ahold of an NRA Club roster. Timbo had 200 post cards made with his picture on them. He and his son addressed and stamped all the cards with the message: “Wanted: My Last Date. Must be single and like dogs.” He got a few nibbles…nothing panned out. Next, with the help of the librarian, he joined Match.com and  wrote: “Sugar Daddy seeks Hot Mama” much to the chagrin of Marian librarian.

He was swamped with responses. At first, he was excited by all the attention. Then all the coffee shop dates, phone calls and driving “all over hell and high-water” to  meet all the s0-called “hot mamas” was exhausting.

Throwing in the towel, Timbo says, he is quitting the dating business- he prefers the company of his dogs.dog2_7501_20080925

 

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people

than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

Dale Carnegie

Monogamy? Monotony or integrity? You be the judge


Six women were seated under the lush green pergola, dense with fragrant Cherry blossoms.

The air was redolent and a nearby buffet table was laden with small plates of tapas. The women were sipping Sangria and laughing.


What you get when you cross a polyglot with a polyamorous? Someone who can cheat in six languages.

‘Date Watchers of San Francisco’ is an animated and opinionated women’s group who meet to weigh in on topics issues, mores, and trends. The topic du jour was monogamy and polyamory. All agreed, the song, “Love the One You’re With”  should have been playing in the background.  As a rule, the self-proclaimed “ladies who launch” prefer to date, cohabit with, marry, and hang out with men, one at a time.

 

 

Don’t Tread on Me – mon petite door mat

Karyn, the group leader, told the parable of her friend who crashed and burned in a Dating Debacle. Her friend, Mitzi, met the man of her dreams. They were in love,  inseparable,  intoxicated with one another and head over heels for 5 months.

All was sublime until Mr. Right decided he wanted to ‘date around’ while still dating Mitzi.  He then wanted to know if she would be willing ‘to share him’ with a few other of his soon-to-be-intimate-girl- friends.

Devastated and direct, a resounding, “No!” was her succinct answer. Mr. Right was perplexed, self-absorbed and gone. Altho  Mitzi was saddened by the experience and the loss  she learned a lesson.. and shared her feelings and was a little wiser for the experience.

Tomorrow: Part Two The Lesson

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com .

Polyamory vs Monogamy – table for three?


‘Date Watchers of San Francisco’ is an animated and opinionated women’s group who meet to weigh in on topics issues, mores, and trends. The topic du jour was “Monogamy and Polyamory.”

All agreed, the song, “Love the One You’re With“ should have been playing in the background.  As a rule, the self-proclaimed “Ladies Who Launch” prefer to date, cohabit with, marry, and hang out with men, one man at a time.

Don’t Tread on Me – mon petite doormat

Marlene, the group leader, told the parable of her friend who crashed and burned in a dating debacle. Her friend, Kathy, met the man of her dreams. They were in love, inseparable, intoxicated with one another and head over heels for 5 months.

All was sublime until Mr. Right decided he wanted to ‘date around’ while still dating Kathy.  He then wanted to know if she would be willing ‘to share him’ with a few other of his soon-to-be-intimate-girl- friends.

Devastated and direct, a resounding, “No!” was her succinct answer. Mr. Right was perplexed, self-absorbed and gone. Although Kathy was saddened by the experience and the loss she learned a lesson and shared her feelings. She was a whole lot wiser for the experience.

What you get when you cross a polyglot with a polyamorous? Someone who can cheat in six languages.

 While Date Watchers  discussed cheating, sharing and polyamory, they concluded they were all much more Pollyanna than Polyamory.

What happened to Pollyanna?

A week after checking the “Opt Out” box with Mr. Ménage a Many, Kathy was on the elevator at the 450 Sutter Medical Building and ran into an old (50-something) college friend, a dentist, widowed a year before, and a ballroom dance aficionado. From the 24th floor to the lobby they chatted, laughed and agreed to go dancing and now, they are making beautiful music together. It happens.



Mad About You…and you… and you

Jennie, 55, (the ink on the divorce papers was barely dry) had to chime in with her tale of “Whoa!” She recently signed up on two online dating sites. Smiling like a Cheshire cat, she said she been blissfully dating – multiple men. She was like a kid in a candy store. She bragged she was making up for lost time.

The other women listened as Jennie regaled them with her ‘Tales from the Crib.’

“Thirty dates in 30 days” sounded impressive and exhausting. Would a diabetic coma follow her sweet overload?

Two of the women agreed they experienced that same the same post-divorce-euphoria, to a lesser degree. The consensus was that hyperactive, Jennie should slow down and smell the flowers, instead of mowing them down. She was the classic too much, too soon, too fast, fey divorcee.

Jennie said she was perfectly upfront with each of the three men she was dating. The first guy said, “Hasta la vista, baby,” and walked out; Number Two wanted to woo Jennie and was willing to stay in the game; Number Three said “…Give me a call when you’re done experimenting.”

Can You Spell STD?

The wine continued to flow, as did the opinions. Yes, of course, all agreed life is short, however they also encouraged Jennie to slow down, take precautions, get tested, and focus on quality, not quantity.

Marlene, the wise said, “Jen, sweetie, you’ve got ADD. You have all the classic symptoms of Affection Deficit Disorder.                                   It’s been a long time since you have had any action; all of this serial dating is just frothy, light and fun. Get it out of your system and then get real.”

The women raised their glasses in unison and said,” Here’s to those who love us, and here’s to those who don’t, a smile for those who are willing to, and a tear for those who won’t.”

Jennie, of the ‘get in the last word’ countered with: Remember what the late, great Mae West said,

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!”

Cheers.

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The demand to be loved, Binkie?

“Hug me, kiss me, love me!”

“The demand to be loved is the greatest of all arrogant presumptions.” Nietzsche

Molly the Millennial whined it was “hard” dating and then really a challenge being in a relationship. She said it was “Super hard to share and to be around someone all day and all night long.”

Listen up, Babycakes – you are not ready for a big-girl relationship.

Long-term relationships are sublime and wonderful. Having a partner – a playmate- a sounding board – a companion, a lover and a best friend to share the Joy! the fun, challenges and ups and downs all day and all night, is the best.

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Having someone to hold hands with is one of the best things ever. Walking across Fifth Avenue, Champs Elysees, the PCH, the Golden Gate Bridge or into a wedding, a funeral or party and having a loving partner is not only reassuring, calming, gratifying- it is  exciting.

Yes, Binkie, you might have to share a closet, a bed, a bathroom and your deepest fears and secrets. Having somebody who thinks you are the best thing since Brioche French toast with butter and real maple syrup is a happy thing.

(Psst! There is really  no need to get into the “getting horizontal” aspect a long term relationship.)

When you’re ready, my little Millennial, you’ll be ready.

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Oh, ’tis love, ’tis love that makes the world go round.

Lewis Carroll

 

New at the Dating Game? So is this lady

Caught in the World Wide Web
of laughs, lines, and libertines
And, this ain’t no Charlotte’s Web

Dear Page,

I am one to peruse Match.com on occasion – okay, twice a day -whether I need to or not.
I have grown accustomed to his smiles. You know – the smiles of the guys in the 40 to 50 year old range.

That’s my milieu, 40-50…Match advises a decade age span to best attract the future date of the month.
If I were to listen to Rayella, in my yoga class, I would subscribe to her theory that all guys on the WWW lie.
She said, “None of the men online are the age they claim to be” She said, “All of them use photos from years ago.”
Antique photos?

No, no, say it isn’t so…
I dismissed her pessimism and attributed that dour point of view to her curly red hair and whiny personality…
in addition, she is a size 2, you know what that means-what could she possibly know?

An optimist, and new at the new scene for singles, I hopped aboard the Fun Train of Internet dating and before I could memorize my new password, 27 men had looked me over and 16 had winked at me.

Well, maybe it was a blink. Could be a nervous twitch. So I started winking, blinking, nodding.The conundrum, is -Socrates asked it first – (Frosh year philosophy)
What is truth?

On my virgin voyage on Craigslist – I posted a flirty ad.  I met a  man who fianlly admitted he was married (instantly declared null and void)

met one playboy /one dating dabbler, and some very angry people.

…and then were the 40 yr olds and the 65 year olds and then the “photo only” types, the “hit and runs” – mean and caustic remarks posted and then they vanish sans backbone.

I thought: It’s got to get better. And it did. Although, not online.

Best to all of us singles in this quest.

I doff my cap -and quoff my cafe latte – to all those enterprising men and women out there – skating through life – skating on the thin ice of internet dating…

Gina in Burlingame

Dear Gina in Burlingame,

I love this Steve Jobs quote about starting over- see if it fits for you.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.   Steve Jobs

Sex drive in neutral? 4 Fab Libido-Lifting Foods to the resuce

Oysters on the half shell – not the solution anymore.

There is a school of thought which professes eating oysters and quaffing champagne as the panacea to a low flying libido. For centuries, oysters have long been deemed the food of love. Myth has it the lustful Casanova ate dozens of oysters a day. Rumor has it, chilies and curries may heat up you sex life, too. Others swear dark chocolate is the key to carnal knowledge.

The Wizard, Dr Oz The famous and ubiquitous Dr Oz has recently come out the Top Four Lust Enhancing super foods. Batteries, champagne and chocolate, not included.

If your sex drive is in ‘neutral’, get thee to a grocery store, today, and pick up these Dr. Oz ideas for enhancing your sexual appetite.

The Fab Four Foods to Whet your Sexual Appetite:


1. Ginger – When you are hot – a stimulating and warming herb said to increase circulation all over.

2. Halibut – A fish known to be so delicious and so promiscuous – leaves you wanton – more? The real thrust is Omega-3’s – a must for “the Big O” says Dr O.

3. Pumpkin Seeds -a handful of these tiny seeds is said to be a” kick start” for your libido and increase- a desire to be romantically inclined.

4. Asparagus, instantly recognized by its own suggestive shape, happens to be high in vitamin E, considered one of the sex hormone stimulants.

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What’s on the Menu Tonight?

Check other people’s shopping baskets as you cruise the aisles of the grocery store today.  You should see a veritable school of fish, bags of pumpkin seeds, ginger by the handful, and bunches of asparagus.

Remember: Don’t be bitter…be sweet

Simply add a healthy dose of candlelight, fresh flowers, soft music and bon appetite and bon nuit, baby cakes.

Passionate for an Aphrodisiac? Good news: Chocolate does contain an active ingredient called phenyl ethylamine that is natural and effective for stimulating sex drive.

Yum!

Bitter

Sweetwater? Good reason to visit Marin this weekend

 Hot Date Destination: Marin County-Top five reasons to cross the GGB

1. Sweetwater– the legendary Mill Valley music club everyone flocked to in the 70‘s and 80‘s ( All hail Jules Broussard) is located at the Masonic Lodge at 19 Corte Madera Ave. Enjoy Music, Cocktails and dining al fresco.

Thanks and kudos to Bob Weir- a gentleman and a giant.


2.) Take a hike: Mount Tamalpais is the “go to“ destination for millions of visitors every year. People come from all over the world to hike, bike, hang glide, ride horses, bird watch, photograph, study plants, flowers, trees and explore. The magnificent views absolutely  take your breath away…as do a number of the scenic and strenuous hiking trails.

3.) Take your choice: Marin is magical – there are multiple choices for entertainment, wandering and playing. Of course, you can go biking, strolling, hiking, dining, shopping or – see a first-run movie at the wonderful Rafael Theater. Drive over the Golden Gate Bridge – leave the City behind -and explore multi-faceted and fun Marin County.

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4.) And Culture, Too!  People “in the know” flock to Marin’s Open Studios May 6-7, 2017. Artists open their doors to show  pieces in painting, sculpture, ceramics, photography, graphics, print-making, glass, jewelry and mixed media

Look for the Mill Valley Red Door on Miller Avenue (Laura Roebuck Miller Studio 332 Miller Ave, Mill Valley)

They also ‘know’ the Best Movie Theater for first run films and home of the Mill Valley Film festival is is the newly restored, Art Deco, the Rafael in San Rafael on Fourth Street.

5.) Try Any One of These Four Great Restaurants:

  1. Piazza d Angelo – a wonderful Italian restaurant located in downtown Mill Valley on the square
  2. My Thai in San Rafael with the best Thai food in all of Marin  food -located at 1230 Fourth
  3. Tommy’s Wok – Sausalito- the best Chinese food in all of Marin County
  4.  Best Sunday Brunch with a live, non stop Bicycle Parade- Poggio – Sausalito

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5.) Barry Spitz and Four Great Hikes Mr Marin County – hiking authority, lecturer, author and ‘man about town’, Barry Spitz, is the go- to-guy for any and all information about majestic (6400 acres) Mount Tamalpais

His recent book, Tamalpais Trails is a bible to legions of  hikers and Marin residents. Try one these Marin hikes:

  1. Best- to the beach- short Hike- Mill Valley Tennessee Valley Pack a picnic and enjoy land and sea.
  2. Best Hike @ 0900 Sunday – Ross – Phoenix Lake  2.33 miles and is considered a little rigorous, vigorous and spectacular.
  3. Best -here we go around the lake – Mt Tam has five man made lakes. Try  Alpine Lake – for a start.
  4.  Best Hike Tiburon – Ring Mountain – You can’t see Russia – however, you can see three counties. There are acres and acres of hills, trails and try to find the petroglyph’s. Bring water and binoculars.   Pick up a picnic at the yummy and upscale Nugget Market.

Take the ferry to Marin CountyLove the Lifestyle. You are to Welcome to Marin – any day of the week.canoe-63457__340

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at page.larkin@gmail.com.

Lifestyle

Kentucky Derby-whoa! Is that a donkey or a thoroughbred?

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And! We are off to the races!

Saturday, May 5 at 4pm EST is the much anticipated 2017 Kentucky Derby and the whole Equine-world will be watching.

Boyfriend Homework It is common knowledge, a horse and a good companion have grace, beauty, spirit, and fire. How does your current companion measure up?

Let’s say your paramour du jour has asked you to a Kentucky Derby party. How do you prepare for the event? Derby Party Success is based on THE Trifecta: hat, stats, quips.

photop-eacock First and foremost: Get a hat – the bigger, the better. Second, research the Derby and know the history, the stats, horses names – remember these two words, “Awesome Act.” Third, in preparation for the Kentucky Derby you should know, an inordinate amount of time leads up to the actual race. So, it’s hours of partying, horse talk, and betting in preparation for the fleeting and mercurial race.

happy_birthday_wm_sQuickly come up to speed – learn a few quotes, quips, and insights about life and horses. Borrow from the Bard.

These Lucky Seven are a good start:

A Hibernian sage once wrote that there are three things a man never forgets: The girl of his early youth, a devoted teacher, and a great horse. ~C.J.J. Mullen

A woman needs two animals – the horse of her dreams and a jackass to pay for it. ~MM

* You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people. ~Will Rogers

* In buying a horse or taking a wife, shut your eyes tight and commend yourself to God. ~ Tuscan Proverb

* There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man. ~ Sir Winston Churchill

* It is not enough for a man to know how to ride; he must know how to fall. ~ Mexican Proverb

* If the world was truly a rational place, men would ride sidesaddle. ~ Rita Mae Brownimages-93

Pin the Tail on the Donkey? A Southern belle, who virtually grew up at Kentucky Derby parties, and insists on anonymity, said she has seen more tiffs, spats, disputes between couples at the Derby – than any other sporting event. Blame it on the Mint Juleps? Hats that are too tight? The pressure to perform? She has never been able to pinpoint the actual reason -she merely said, thoroughbreds act like donkeys.

Have fun at the party- Cheers!cocktail-1705561__180-2
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One of the worst dates? Ever.

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We had agreed to meet at a place with “ambience and parking.”

I scored a parking place in front– arriving a few minutes early. We decided on trendy, watering-hole downtown. Perched on a barstool, I waited. Twenty minutes later, a tall, gray-haired man walked in. He didn’t resemble any of the photos I had seen online. However, he was 6’2 and was walking towards me, smiling.   He said, “Dear, you look just like your photo.”

I thought, “You don’t look a thing like yours. Dear.” He made no apology for being late.

He was wearing a tweed jacket-probably from the 80’s that might have fit him then -not now. Chalk it up to: “Needs help.”

He suggested we move to the table in the small garden in the back. We we’re seated in a lovely area far removed from the bar. The waiter dropped off our drinks and we didn’t see him again.

How we went from where did you go to school -where do you live to his cholesterol, resting heart rate, daily exercise regime, and insomnia, I’ll never know.

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On the dating profile, he indicated a passion for water sports, rowing, hiking and literature.

What he divulged was that his rowing took place in his living room-on a machine looking at the water. He was a big Danielle Steele fan. His hikes were to and from the grocery store.

It didn’t take much to decipher we have very little in common.

He displayed a great interest in my former husband.

Generally, my response is “That’s history.” And I move on.

However, Mr. Old Tweed Jacket was like a dog with a bone inquiring about my past. Which made him even less attractive. I suggested we get the check and call it a day. With no waiter insight, he suggested we simply walk out and not pay.

Then, I really knew I was with a loser.

On the way out, he went to the men’s room; I paid the bill.

And I said “Good luck.” (That’s what women say when they have no intention of ever seeing the guy again) He indicated he like to “do this again.”

Ha! Not in this lifetime.

I smiled, walked to my car, and drove off. Dodged that bullet.

 

 

Time to Rhyme? Poetry – the ultimate chick magnet?



April is actually the coolest, not the cruelest, month- it’s National Poetry Month

 

The hot topic around the Sunday buffet was how perfectly seductive it is to hear a man recite a poem.

Consensus was, “Oh, yeah!” Wordsworth said, “Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from a motion we collected in tranquility.”  Voltaire called poetry, “Music of the soul”

Whatever You Call It

Whether you recite a poem, a haiku, a sonnet – whether it’s blank verse – or free verse, lyrical or satirical- women swoon over poetry. There’s something irresistible and alluring about having someone recite a poem to you.

Poems are meant to be slow and leisurely, read aloud and read more than once.

Now is the time – to pick up a book of poems, choose a poet – whether it’s Ogden Nash (Candy Is dandy; But liquor Is quicker) or W.H. Auden, or local poet laureate: Kay Ryan or T.S. Eliot Keats, or Billy Collins.

Find a slim volume of poems and revel in the language. Poetic License- 100 Poems 100 Performers- the audio book – is romantic, breath-taking, and astounding. Check your local Indy Bookstore for a copy.

Poetry 101

Billy Collins, a highly esteemed favorite among English majors everywhere explains teaching poetry to students in his poem entitled, “Poetry 101”

Here are the Top 10 Poems of the Day

1. Elizabeth Barrett Browning “How Do I Love thee? Let me count the ways”

2. Robert Burns, scalding red-hot love poem: “My Red, Red, Rose”

3. Emily Dickinson “I Cannot Live with You”

4. Shakespeare’s Sonnet 18 “Shall I Compare You to a Summer’s Day?”

5. Margaret Atwood “Variation on the Word Sleep“

6. Billy Collins “Litany”

7. William Wordsworth “The Daffodils”

8. W.H Auden’s “Funeral Blues”

9. Francis William Bourdillon “The Night has a Thousand Eyes”

10.Henry Wadsworth Longfellow “The Day is Done”

Read them, recite them, revel in poetry.

“Poetry is the shadow cast by out streetlight imaginations.” Lawrence Ferlinghetti

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