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“Tinder” is the night? Not so much

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Ow! That hurt! Be a little more Tinder this time?

Originally posted on Suddenly Single... Minded:

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Tinder is the Night?

The Big Daddy of Online dating, Barry Diller, the King of of IAC, billionaire media mogul, is the money behind a dozen of your favorite Dating Sites- including Match.com, Chemistry, OKCupid, Our Time, and Senior People Meet (See  Chart Below)

Diller’s brand-new game in town called Tinder (www.tinder.com)

Ouch! Tinder hurt my feelings

Patsy- single, bon vivant and very corporate, 43, said,  “Tinder is brutal. It hurt my feelings.”  Intrigued by the new app, she played the game: downloaded the app, did the GPS connection, and provided a handful of cute photos and connected to her Facebook page. She was ready, willing, and able to meet men her age in the San Mateo area.   Always open for new experiences, she thought Tinder would be fun and novel.

[Note: 85% of all Tinder users are in the 18-35 year old demographic]

Hang ups…

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A Classic San Francisco Love Story?

guys-i-datesdPeter was married to his Stanford sweetheart for 17 years before their divorce.

He moved out, bought a condo, had the kids every other weekend and showed up at all the games and parent-teacher meetings. He paid for Burke’s and Town school.

For a few years, as an avid bachelor, he dabbled at D.R./R. (Dating Research/ Romance.)

At first, he was like a kid in a candy store. Peter was meeting women right and left. He joined the Commonwealth Club, the Stanford Bachelors Club, the Sierra Club, and his pals fixed him up. Then he met Shelley.

They were an item for two-years, until they weren’t. They parted amicably. He gave her the 18K Tiffany Heart Tag Choker as a parting gift.

A true romantic, Peter dated many women- a few times – and was in a handful of semi-long term relationships. One, maybe two years, of togetherness seemed to be his threshold.

He had proclivity for blonde, 40-year-old, bridge and tennis players. You might say he dated a “type” (or the same woman over and, over again.)

C’est la vie

First his jaw hurt, then his right arm, as he was preparing for a trip to Paris with a side trip to Capri with friends.

The symptoms persisted. He was about to call for the car to the airport, but the last heart-clenching pain in his chest had him dialing 9.1.1.

Peter had these classic warning signals before, and was too busy with The Foundation to pay attention. The paramedics found Peter, front door open, on the floor. He could not be revived.

His children and ex-wife organized the funeral.

Years earlier, he had carefully crafted the obituary for the local papers. It was long and listed his many charities and accomplishments. All references to family were succinct and formal.

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His former wife and her husband and the two adult kids sat in the front pew.

Across the aisle, sat six women. At first glance, you would say they could be sisters. They were all wearing variations of a dark St. John Knit suit. They each carried a Kate Spade bag. All were wearing the identical gold Tiffany Heart Tag Choker.

Every one of them considered herself to be “The One” in Peter’s life. Little did they know, he had accumulated lots of “The Ones.”

None of the women attended the Celebration of Life reception in the cathedral hall.

Once they looked at each other, and realized the similarities- the expensive pocket-book, the Tiffany necklace, the dark St. John Knits – short skirt, long skirts, or pleated skirt – they realize they look like Stepford Wives…and one-by-one, they eased out of the church quietly and gracefully, quickly- never to be seen again.

Ironically, three of them showed up at Le Colonial for drinks. They did not speak to one another. Bottoms Up.

“Feminism has never been sexy, but let me assure you that it never stopped me from flirting, and I have seldom suffered from lack of men.”           Isabel Allende

Exit Sign

Dating Trash Talk? Ugly UK App: Binder


trash-310219__180Breaking Up online– not so hard to do – with the new and wacky UK Binder App

No more blood, sweat, and tears when you break up? Really? A kooky UK iDating Company wants you to think, Binder Is The Tinder Of Breaking Up. They wish.

trash-can-33874__180How does it work? Bored by your recent date, sweetie, snuggle-bunny, squeeze… No problem! Break up with Binder: the shallow and calloused way.

“Binder” a quick swipe to the right is the quick and heartless way to break up. Ta Da!

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The new UK dating app – is piggybacking on the Tinder name. The “not-cool-but-cold” company allows users to enter a date’s name, gender, and number and bam! Swipe right and toss them in the trash bin – (hence, the term “To Bin Them.” Veddy, veddy, British.

Within seconds, the soon-to-be ex, receives a short – not that sweet – text and short pre-recorded phone call with the reason for breaking up.

Gives a new meaning to “How Have you Bin?”

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Do You Kiss on a First Date?

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Depending on myriad factors: There are some women who shake hands on a first date, while others embrace their date in a full body hug. After the date, a really exciting, connected, “Has Potential Date,”   do you hug ‘good bye’ or  kiss one another-on the cheek or do you swoop in for a real kiss?

What is your pleasure?

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”

                                           Ingrid Bergman

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“Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it.”

Bernard Meltzer

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves”  Albert Einstein

“What is a kiss? Why this, as some approve: The sure, sweet cement, glue, and lime of love.”

Robert Herrick

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“Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.”

                                                                                            Joey Adams

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Psst: There is no reason to scour an etiquette book for Kissing Protocol.

Here is yet another opportunity for you to decide whom, what, when, and where you decide to kiss. 

Angelina R. (Ms Italy) was born in Lucca, lives in South San Francisco and kisses early and often. She hugs everyone and likes to kiss “hello” and “good-bye.” She claims all men like that- their wives? Not so much…

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Suddenly Single at 50: Can you spell STD?

Tal, talk ltalk___180The New Yorker-esque cartoon, shows two people in bed – and on her side of the bed – standing in line are the shadowy figures of 15 men. And, on his side of the bed- are the shadowy figures of 25 women – just standing around.

The pithy remark under the cartoon reads: “How many people are you really sleeping with? Falling in love is easy- falling in lust is even easier. However, falling into bed with a stranger can be dangerous and very crowded.”

“Musical partners” doesn’t mean making beautiful music together

He got The Clap. She got Herpes.

John gave her chlamydia and she passed it on to a few close friends. And, they shared.

“Musical Partners” means that if Andy gives Brenda a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and Brenda sleeps with Charlie – who sleeps with Denyse and Erika- who sleeps with Frank, George, and Harry…There’s a whole lot disease-sharing going on.

You owe it to yourself- and to your new sexual partner to get tested.

In San Francisco, there are multiple clinics to test for STDs- like Planned Parenthood or the SF City Clinic. Got Questions see here

In Marin County, anyone can get tested for STDs at Marin County Health and Human Services Department on 3260 Kerner Street in San Rafael. Open Mondays from 1 PM to 3 PM and Fridays 8 AM to 11 AM. (July 1, 2015 new schedule will be created)

Q. What is the STD test? Is it written, oral, or multiple choice?

A. Generally, the test is a blood draw and the urine sample.

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Claude is 67, an attorney (Harvard Law) who hold himself to a higher standard. Okay, he is both arrogant and ignorant. He is convinced -there’s no way he could possibly have any sexually transmitted disease. He considers himself impeccable in all walks of life. He has been single, this time around, for eight years and has been very ‘active.’

When the new woman in his life insisted he be tested for STDs before they were intimate, he bristled. Indeed!

She (58, divorced twice, single for five years,) politely explained, it was the smart thing to do.

Claude called his friend called his friend, Dr. Smith, to see if any of his old blood tests would hold up to this examination. He was told emphatically, “No,” and that he would have to go to the clinic, and have a blood draw and a urine analysis. End of story. And the beginning of a clean slate.

And so it goes. New Relationship?

www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/stds…/stdtesting

Women have questions: See Here

Get Yourself Tested – It’s your Sex, life FAQ’s

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Where do I go to get tested?

Finding a testing center near you is quick and easy. Just enter your zipcode in the testing center locator at www.GYTNOW.org or text your zip code to GYTNOW (498669) on your mobile phone.* You will get a text message back with information about the nearest testing center to you. Simple.

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Such a thing as a Perfect First Date? Yeah, baby.

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What does a Perfect Date look like?

Here’s a report from Janice of Diamond Heights: San Francisco-Clement Street-Late afternoon

They agreed to meet at the Spruce Goose on Clement Street. He arrived a few minutes early to score a table, and stood when she approached the table. He said, “Janice? Your photograph doesn’t do you justice. I’m William. ” They shake hands. Warmly. (She blushes and thinks, “Big points.”)

After they were seated and settled, he turns off his cell phone with flourish and says with a smile, “I’m all yours.” Next, he says, “May I get you coffee, tea, something? Would you share a chocolate chip cookie with me? I think they’re the best in the City.” She is impressed and happy.

Over Coffee

In conversation, he asked her where she grew up, where she went to school, and various polite questions about her job and family. He listened to her answers. (Huge points – and, she had pretty much stopped counting.)

After 30 minutes of easy conversation, he said, “I’m really enjoying myself. You are unique and lovely. I want to spend time with you. Do you have time for a walk, and/or would you like to get together again?”

At this point, she reports she was so dazzled by William, she didn’t want the date to end. However, she had a meeting with a new client and suggested they meet at Crissy Field  for a walk – later that week.

The Second Date 

Janice reports she and William met for The Second Date; they walked, talked and laughed- for four hours- kissed and have been “an item” for two years.

That’s what one Perfect First Date (and Second Date) looks like.

Note: The Yoga Babes and The lively Date Watchers think William is a Shooting Star in

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They are called “Stop Signs” for a reason

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Pay attention to the signs…

There were so many Red Flags, you’d have to be color blind to miss them.

We all noticed – every conversation Tina had with her new beau, Mark, was strewn with his sarcastic, snarky and subtle put-downs. He was a cad.

 Tina-so madly in love with – being in love, appeared to be oblivious. Her friends were offended and confused as to why she would tolerate such a louse.

Divorced for six years, she said she was bored by online dating dead ends and disappointments. She met Mark at a wine-tasting event at Fort Mason. After a few dates,  she had placed Mark so high on the Pedestal of Potential Husbands she couldn’t see the warning signs.

She was oblivious to the   ‘He is just not that into you neon signs and messages.   Tina forged down the Highway of Hope ~ full throttle. She viewed his unwillingness to commit as more of a YIELD  than a STOP sign. Tina just knew she could change Mark, in good time.

We all wondered when she would see the Red Flags flapping loudly, all around her. One day, she received a copy of the book  He is Just Not That Into You and – out of the blue, an anonymous package arrived with the movie, of the same name. Sheer coincidence or was someone trying to give her a discreet message?

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Would you tell a friend to “Ditch the Dude” or declare it was none of your business?

Dating 101: I’ll be watching you…and you…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThe Date Watchers were watching Charles D.

Every breath you take. Every move you make. Every bond you break. Every step you take. I’ll be watching you. Every single day. Every word you say…

In 2010, you could see Charles D. on Match.com, OKCupid, and Craigslist. He was a player. This guy was actively playing the field – many fields, actually. Good for him – online dating is really a very big numbers game.

Two of the Single-Again girls in “Date Watchers” decided to follow his lead.   A peripatetic poster on Craigslist -he would write a clever “Man looking for Women 50/60” ad about every two weeks.   The guy intrigued Allison and Linda. Two months earlier, Linda noticed him on Match.com. She sent him a flirty note and he didn’t respond. Now, some women say, “That’s rude!” And move on. However, Linda didn’t flinch – she moves on – and on.

Randomly, a couple of weeks later, she saw his picture on OKCupid- and a quick look at Craigslist- there he was again. Voila!

FACT: Craigslist is much more anonymous than any other site- so Linda responded to his witty Craig’s ad with a provocative response.   She flattered him by saying he must be absolutely deluged with responses to his post.   She added that she thought he was quite smart and commented that she thought the dating scene was fun and intoxicating and sometimes fleeting- like the bubbles and a glass of champagne.

He responded – quickly – and said “When it comes to the dating scene, I look for lively fun, entertaining and intoxicating, too. He went on to say, “I detect an air of sophistication, mystery and charm in you from a more classic era. And, may I add, a sense of provocativeness not commonly found in these contemporary times. I say you are arousing my curiosity.”

Okay, so the guy could write. 

The Date Watchers went back to Match.com to peek at his profile. By all indications, he had been on the site for many years. He was very discreet and mysterious with regard to career and any aspects of his life. And, then they grew bored.

Flash Forward

Yesterday, in a pique of boredom, the girls ‘googled’ Charles D and found that he’d written a best-selling book, had moved to Napa, was now married and working on a second book. After some very heavy lifting and research they hit pay dirt. And what was he writing about?   Charles D – with a nom de plume- (Boom Boom Labagh?) writes Erotica.

The Date Watchers might invite him to be the Guest-speaker at their June meeting at Bungalow 44

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“You can run~but, you can’t hide”

Dating disguise? Hats and sunglasses – don’t even think about it

What’s wrong with this picture?
Are you new to Match.com or OkCupid and clueless about that all important profile photo?

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Top Five “What not to wear in those photographs for your online dating profile”
1. Never, ever, post a picture of you wearing sunglasses and a hat. Ever. Seriously.
2. Do not post a picture of you in a group of six people. And, never post a picture of you standing next to someone more attractive than you.
3. Nix the pix with a person of the opposite sex who could be construed as a date. Conversely, a picture of you with your mother scores big points
4. Do not use that old photo of you taken 20 years ago. Who cares? Unless, you look exactly the same. In some circles, we call that “a miracle” or just really great plastic surgery.
5. Guys: Don’t waste your time posting a picture of you in a tuxedo – it’s like a costume. Everyone looks great in a tuxedo. It hides a multitude of sins…Cut to the chase.

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The Funny Hat, glasses, costume – great For April Fools Day Parade – not for your dating profile.

Want to get a lot of positive attention with your online dating photograph?

  • Have a picture taken of you wearing a bright color.
    87% of all head shots are people in navy blue, black, brown or gray.
    Wear a crisp white shirt or a pastel colored top.
    ( Note: don’t even think about using the canned photograph from the company brochure)
    A subtle – yet attractive- Primary Color or a neon accent: (a hot pink or lime green tie, scarf, an orange Giants T-shirt, or an unusual necklace) is bound to get more attention than a black cashmere turtleneck.
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Ladies: This is not a cute picture by any stretch of the imagination. It is one rung below The Selfie in the Mirror
Have fun out there!

2013: Celebrating 75 years! Open Up Your Golden Gate Bridge

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Throw Back Thursday: Happy Birthday GGB

Originally posted on Suddenly Single... Minded:

San Francisco is one of the great cultural plateaus of the world — one of the really urbane communities in the United States — one of the truly cosmopolitan places and for many, many years, it always has had a warm welcome for human beings from all over the world.” –

Duke Ellington

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