“San Francisco is a mad city – inhabited for the most part by perfectly insane people whose women are of a remarkable beauty.” Rudyard Kipling
“A city is where you can sign a petition, boo the chief justice, fish off a pier, gaze at a hippopotamus, buy a flower at the corner, or get a good hamburger or a bad girl at 4 A.M. A city is where sirens make white streaks of sound in the sky and foghorns speak in dark grays. San Francisco is such a city.” Herb Caen
San Francisco has been called “The Most Romantic City in the World” for obvious reasons. Would you agree?
Buckle Up, Baby. Remember, it doesn’t have to be a Bumpy Ride.
Kelly, a serious serial dater, has two interview skills and claims that’s all she needs. She listens carefully and asks a handful of questions, which launch 100 word answers. Like a fly fisherman, she deftly snaps the line into the water and allows the date do his job.
The Top 20 Questions to Get the Conversation Rolling.
1. Tell me about your best friend.
2. Tell me about you very worst job.
3. What was your very first car?
4. What was your best job?
5. Tell me about your family and where you grew up.
6. Tell me about your very favorite relative.
7. Tell me all the places you’ve worked.
8. Who is your favorite female movie star?
9. What hobbies do you spend money on?
10. What’s you very favorite song?
11. Tell me one really life-changing moment?
12. When did you meet your very first girlfriend/boyfriend?
13. Where and when was your first kiss and with whom?
14. What is the dumbest thing you have ever done?
15. Have you ever been arrested?
16. Tell me the most romantic date you’ve ever planned.
17. They say, “Women shop and men buy.” What is one store you wouldn’t be caught dead in?
18. Have you ever used drugs?
19. Tell me what your perfect day-off looks like?
20. If someone gave you two free tickets to anywhere in the world – where would you go?
Getting the Conversation Rolling: Try one or 10 of these questions next time you meet another interesting, available person. Bon Chance!
“I want relations which are not purely personal, based on purely personal qualities; but relations based upon some unanimous accord in truth or belief, and a harmony of purpose, rather than of personality. I am weary of personality. Let us be easy and impersonal, not forever fingering over our own souls, and the souls of our acquaintances, but trying to create a new life, a new common life, a new complete tree of life from the roots that are within us.”
D. H. Lawrence
San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com.
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Still single and 34, she has spent years of research, analysis, dreaming and plotting.
There Were Psychics in her Future
She lighted a candle every morning and whispered a chant- to draw the perfect man into her life. Once a month she burned sage to purify and to attract.
She carried a tiny, pink quartz heart in her purse- guaranteed by a shaman in Mexico to entice her perfect soul mate. He blessed the stone and wished her well.
She wore an Elsa Peretti silver heart necklace. A clairvoyant on Maui sold her a True Love talisman: a gold ring with a spray of embossed stars.
Every New Years, she created a vision board replete with multiple pictures of ‘Her Special Man.” She carefully selected magazine pictures of where they would travel and what they would wear; she knew the exact Tiffany ring he would buy her and dreamt about the simple, cream-colored, Shantung wedding dress; she changed her mind about the flowers for the wedding every few years. She is in the white Peony stage, this year.
She Made a List…And Another…
Kiki was currently very certain about the glam condo where they would live. She knew lofts were the most recent rage. Years earlier, she was into ‘cute cottages.” She chose the eclectic- yet-elegant- 12 place settings – China from Gump’s, the Waterford crystal glassware and the perfect Georg Jensen Acorn pattern silver.
She threw Tarot cards. She took all of her very spiritual and secretive rituals seriously.
Kiki ( Katherine at work) is the CFO of a burgeoning Silicon Valley company. Her “cred” would evaporate if people knew the True Love Romance Seeker side of her.
She will admit, as the years went by, she was more willing to compromise. Her “Must Have” lists – once pages of character traits, income, GPA, education, background has dwindled to a “Top 25 Traits.”
She tried Match.com and was generally put off by the whole scene until one day a man reached out and flattered her. He liked her photo and her comment about Andy Goldsworthy at the Presidio. One thing led to another – emails, phone calls, a walk in the Presidio and bam!
Kiki went from “My Man Must Have” to totally smitten by a non-Ivy Leaguer, gentleman who found her “most attractive, smart and fun.”
He could sing, was a great dancer, could create organic gourmet meals, make her laugh everyday and was very kind. And, sexy. She took him to a work-related event and he easily charmed many of her co-workers.
One very blissful and fulfilled year later, they eloped and have been happily ever after.
Okay, so maybe Kiki didn’t live in Camelot.
She lived and fell in love in Campbell. And, so it goes.
Life is short. Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that makes you smile. Mark Twain
Yes, Binkie, “Dating at 50” can be a challenge – in the best of times.
Has Match.com linked you up with the wacky, too thin, too hyper ballerina or shock jock like Charlie Sheen- who actually need Two and Half Men in white coats?
Yes, dating and developing your social networking 2016 is a laughing matter.
Who Moved My Rules?
Since your very first date of yore- the Rules of Dating have changed dramatically. If you remember San Francisco’s randy fern-bar days (Henry Africa’s, Thomas Lord’s, and Paoli’s) and you are A Classic “Re-enter and Suddenly Single in San Francisco” – Buckle up, it is going to be a bumpy ride.
First of all, the Playing Field you remember is no longer level and things have gotten a whole lot faster. And the uniforms are really short! Don’t even start to talk about scoring and making points. You will have to adjust and get up to speed. There are hundreds of websites comparing, contrasting and social networks (Dating Sites) for you to explore.
Dating 2016 versus Dating 20 Years Ago
Once upon a time, you may have known the pace, the place, and the attire and could do all Three Modes of Communication: pithy, banter, and clever repartee.
Update: 2016 The once revered art of conversation has been pushed off the pedestal to make room for text messaging, e-mail, swiping, smart phones, and, smile, you are on Skype. Don’t get me started on Tinder.
So Many Books, So Little Time
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man has shards of wisdom scattered throughout. Stroll down the aisles of your library and pick up three or four dating books.(Dating for Dummies is really a treasure trove. As is, the classic : He is Just Not That Into You
The best selling dating how-to-book, The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right is a lark and a laugh and is peppered with some pretty good ideas for dating at 50.
Hot Tips: Get off the couch and out of the house. Don’t waste time on a dead-end relationship. Notice the red flags and move on. Whoever asks, pays.
And, if things get dicey, remember those two magic words, ‘Check, please!”
San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin,welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com.
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You have to go looking for them; they’re not just lying around on the surface.”
He called himself, “Premier:The last gentleman in San Francisco”
According to his dating profile, he was tall, dark, and handsome. He claimed he attended that school in Palo Alto. He listed that he had a cabin in Tahoe, a condo in Hawaii, pied a terre in New York. He claimed to know lot about wine and that his own private collection was impressive. Really?
The One Who Got Away? Or got away with it?
He was a smart writer– clever, engaging. Perhaps, a wee bit too polished. The two photographs he posted were taken from afar- and there was a good chance he and Snapseed were good friends – there was some retro -blur going on. He posted other pictures of wine bottles. “Share Cases of Fine Wines with me?” was a tag line.
Sydney took the bait. By all accounts and purposes – he was very eligible. He had crossed his t’s and dotted his i’s. All the bases were covered. She had studied Viticulture at UC Davis. She was a self-proclaimed Wine Whiz
She responded to his opening email- they exchange two emails before he suggested a phone call; perfect protocol.
He advised that she should call him at particular time. Filled with excitement, she did.
That’s when everything started going south. Mr. Premier was soft-spoken and reserved. Curious and chatty, Sydney asked him about his college experience and what year he graduated, many of her friends attended Stanford. He was hesitant to reveal any information. (Red flag)
To keep the conversation going, she asked him about favorite Wines and Tahoe -her favorite place- she had been vacationing there for 20 years. He really didn’t want to talk about Wine or that mysterious condo in an unknown part of Tahoe. (Double red flags)
Two and two equals four. Things were adding up- quickly. Sydney ascertained within 10 minutes this guy was a little bizarre. She made a gracious excuse to get off the phone and said that she was going to be quite busy and thanks for the conversation.
On the surface, He seemed so fabulous.
Later she read about a “Premier Scam Artist”
“A seemingly contrite John Fox, his feet shackled and his hands cuffed, walked into a federal courtroom and pleaded guilty to defrauding his Premier Cru customers by selling $20 million in ‘phantom’ wine over a five-year period.
Fox also admitted in a plea agreement that he embezzled about $5 million from Premier Cru starting in 2010 that he used to buy a house, pay his daughter’s college tuition, his family’s credit card bills, for memberships to two private golf clubs, and to purchase or lease numerous expensive cars, including Corvettes, Ferraris, a Maserati and several Mercedes Benz cars.”
In addition, Fox said he spent more than $900,000 “on women I met online.”
Next! Lesson: Ask questions.
Careful there, Binkie! What you see may not be what you get…
Dating Soap Operas:
Reading dating profiles on Chemistry.com, Match.com, or JDate can be dizzying. As you wade through a minefield of clichés and brags, you wonder how to decipher this barrage of data. Is there some kind of code? Where do you get a romance Rosetta stone?
The answer? Read between the lines and take it all with a grain of salt. Okay, maybe a shaker of salt.
Steven D. wrote that he ‘hailed from the citrus belt of California’ (Orange County, Republican). He reads the New Yorker and legal stuff (lawyer).
He loves debating (argumentative) and says his two kids are his best friends (uh-oh.) He says he’s tired of restaurants (cheap) and prefers TV dinners on the couch (yawn) In his profile…
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My boyfriend and I have been going out for two years. We get along in every room – if you catch my drift- except the kitchen.
He is very Vegan and picky, picky, picky about his food. He says I have an eating disorder- and will eat anything I order. (Ha ha)
The biggest problem is distance. He lives in another town. We only see each other on weekends. I think he might have a girl on the side, during the week.
I have been tempted to drive all the way over to his house on weeknights to check up on him.
What do you think?
Tiffany in a Tiff
Dear Tiffany in a Tiff,
It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with a couple of wrinkles.
The good thing- food quirks are really no big deal- I am sure you’re aware that by now. Deal with it.
Your concern regarding another girlfriend is significant. Driving over to his home on a weeknight and surprising him is certainly not the best idea. It makes you look like a whackadoodle and could be a waste of time. And gas.
Here’s a thought: why not ask him if he see anybody else? Ta Da!
Let me know how that works for you.
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Summer Time…there is no time like the present!
Adopt and embrace the C’est la vie Attitude. You know, life is short and why waste time? Refrain from perching over a phone waiting for it to ring or checking your emails 10 times a day. Your mother was right: “Go outside and play.” It’s up to you – perform the ‘due diligence’ and find out where the action is (See: T
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Quickies? Quick Queries…faster answers!
I am new to online dating. Help me with this: What is the difference between snuggling and cuddling? Five guys on Match.com say they like to “cuddle” (on the couch, by the fireplace or in front of a heater…)
Several guys on Craigslist say they love to “snuggle.” I am confused!
Sweet Young Thing at 52
Dear Sweet Young Thing at 52,
The difference between cuddling and snuggling is clothing. Snuggling involves being bare-naked-nude – in your birthday suit. Cuddling doesn’t.
Peace and love, Page
Dear Page Larkin,
I met a very cool guy online. Our emails are like a Ping-Pong game. He lobs a poem over the net. I do the same. The poems are romantic. I think he likes me?
Two Weekes of Doublets
Dear Two Weekes,
Sweetheart: he is just not that into you. Playing poem pong is a dead end – it shows little…
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