Suddenly Single… Minded

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Archive for the day “June 18, 2018”

Her shopping list for Mr Right was too long

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She calles herself “Sexie Sindie.” She is on the lookout for The Perfect Man. She has a shopping list a mile long.

She won’t date a man who has been divorced more than once or who is living in a studio apartment. She doesn’t like cats, dogs, bicyclists swathed in lycra, men who smoke or vegetarians.

She can’t stand men who don’t use the turn signal while driving and will not tolerate any who use their middle finger to display anger. She hates to see a man driving a car with a dog in his lap. Eating donuts is a very big NO. She has been called a “Picky Eater” by friends and foe. She will be in a panic if it isn’t organic. Sugar is her enemy and she loathes all white foods. Her friends marvel at her love for Kale and Quinoa. The two are her staples, she dabbles in organic spinach and cabbage and Pressed Juices. Yes, she is very very thin

 

What she does like: is a single, employed or retired, guy who owns his own house. A pool ( sauna, spa, ) is extra “points.”  Her long list of “Must Haves” reeks of gold-digger.

She admits to her best friends,  her tiny studio apartment, in the beautiful old building, is a “buzzkill” and she never allows a date to enter her private chambers.

Sindie dated Thomas for three months before he gave up trying to make her happy. He wined and dined her. On their 10th date he gave her a Tiffany heart and she offered a polite “Thank you” and later tucked it her her jewelry drawer. She had sold three other Tiffany Heart gifts on eBay. His would be next. She dubbed Thomas “irrelevant” and moved on.    Alone. Single. Searching and very unhappy.

 

“I love being irreverent. But I hate being irrelevant. I love being irreverent because at the end of the day your actions belie your intentions.

Esai Morales

 

Irrelevant

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Dating in 2018: Match.com – dream or nightmare?



So I walked into the Friday Night cocktail party at the DeYoung Museum.

A man comes up to me and says, “ I’m 6’ tall, 185 pounds, spiritual not religious, income: I’ll tell you later. I like NASCAR, a Cuban cigar, hot dogs and pizza and boxing. I’ve seen American Sniper three times and I think Lady Gaga is a freak and I like the guy in the White Housee. May buy you a drink? And, tell me:  what are you tipping the scales at, Tiny?

Next!

I climb the stairs to the African Mask Collection and a man approaches and says, “I’m average height, average build, love to snuggle and to shop at Victoria’s Secret.” (What? A cross-dresser?) He continues, “I live in Santa Rosa and I won’t drive more than 20 miles to meet the woman of my dreams -who, by the way, is ‘Barbie.’ How old are you?”

Bye!

Some fancy dance work and a quick escape right, to the Portrait Gallery and another man advances and says, “Hello beautiful! Let’s skip the small talk: I’m Scorpio, very lonely, never married, no kids, live alone; I have a very, very, big, bike. Can I take you for a ride? I just finished “The da Vinci Code” ”and “50 Shades of Gray” is on my bedside table. Want to read it together? What’s your income?”

Hasta la vista, baby!

I exit down the hall, a quick left turn to the Hudson Valley Painters Gallery. I happened upon ‘Mr. Burlingame.’ He is my height, my age, big smile and twinkling eyes – introduces himself and says his interested in talking and eliminating the mindless chatter about astrology and  pets – if that was okay. And then he said, “Your picture doesn’t do you justice.” (A.k.a. The six sexiest words on Match.com)

He proceeded to ask me questions about me and my life and he listened.

 We talked and walked right into the Chihuly Room and later found ourselves next to Wayne Thiebaud’s “The Gumballs” and ended up standing in front of the spectacular new Liz Fracchia painting.

The museum was about to close…and the party was not over.

 We have been together every day since.

photo_1186_20060227ace hearts

 

What’s your story? Tell me your dating story: page.larkin@gmail.com

Waking up Suddenly Single at 47? It happens

The Slumbering Single – Got Woke

Suddenly Single... Minded

man-797349__340Jimmy Jack was married- then divorced – and woke up single at 47 years old.

He had lived with his parents, college roommates, his wife and bam! All of a sudden he was relegated to a “Man Cave by IKEA.’”

At first, he was pumped. He was thrilled to have a “Room of his own” with cool Budweiser mirrors. He bought a 45” 4K Ultra HD TV.  He started drinking out of Mason jars. To decorate, he bought framed, black and white posters of Ann Margaret and Ursula Andress and red Maserati’s. He placed them strategically around his cave. He was now feeling very cool. Hip.

He told his buddies it was fun living alone; he could fill his freezer with ice cream and vodka and TV Dinners. Ta da!

He walked around shirtless, in old sweatpants, seven nights a week and no one criticized him or critiqued his au…

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