Whoa! Bring back Small Talk, please
The Art of Conversation is a Two Way Street
Help! I’ve had three “first dates” with three different women who came on like gangbusters. I met each for a drink at a quiet bar on Geary Boulevard. I am a prince when it comes to easing into conversations. Each of these women “Cut to the chase” within three minutes of nice to meet you-How was your day-where do you work-small talk.
Wanda One want to know how I felt about Collin Kaepernick and the Tillerson appointment.
Tessie Two, ordered the glass of water (really?) That was a first.
She asked me within minutes why my most recent relationship failed and where I saw myself in five years. I sipped my Chardonnay, swirled around the glass a bit and looked at her. I smiled at her and asked her how her day was.
I can tap dance around questions à la Fred Astaire-but these women were so off-putting. It took a while for them to settle down and put their ironclad agendas aside.
The grand finale, (I was noticing a trend)
Tessie Three was lovely and gracious, however within the first five minutes she asked me just how deeplyI had fallen in love and what were my true intentions with online dating? Finally, she asked if I’ve ever cheated and why.
All this before “What’s your major; do you come here often; and, what do you do for living?”
I’m thinking each these women ( in their 30’s) had a quiet desperation (Moody? Procreation time clock ticking?) and want to spend as little time as possible in the romance dance. What’s up with this new tactic?
Shocked on Clement Street
Dear Shocked on Clement Street
As it turns out, some deem small talk – and initial public conversation – a waste of time.
I’ve met women who insist life is short and they have no reason to tiptoe around-and decided to merely test the guy first.
Dating is not a test; it’s more like a dance for one meets converses ascertains if there’s a connection.
Bombarding anybody with personal questions at first light is more than just impolite.
I’m convinced she’s out there keep looking!
Dear Page Larkin,
I have been single-divorced for five years. At first, dating again was fun. I met the good, the bad, and the ugh.
I dated a dozen different guys before I met a very special man. We went “steady” for year. Gradually, the façade cracked and I realized he wasn’t “the one.”
Now that I’m back in the dating pool, I’ve met several men who have asked me the most personal /intense questions regarding my failed marriage-my goals and aspirations-last relationship challenges. I’m shocked. What happened to getting to know you?
Is this a new trend – or just plain rude?
Leilani in Hilo
Dear Leilani in Hilo,
You’re not the first to complain/ comment about this Attack Dog Technique on first dates. I’ve met a number of people who feel they don’t want to waste time on a dead-end. So, why would you even show up for a coffee date if you think there’s a possibility of the person being a dead-end? Furthermore, why would you ask deep personal questions unless you want to alienate the person? Jane Austen was right! (See below)
More people are won over by courteous and thoughtful- than aggressive inquiries. Have fun out there!
Aloha and Mahalo, Page