Are you Settling? Afraid of What?
After a rocky marriage or a mediocre relationship, it can be daunting to think about putting your big toe in the dating pool. Some women are scared off by nightmare stories about online dating.
Others succumb to bad advice from married friends and family – who are clueless.
Linda is 56, pretty, smart, has a great job and has been divorced eight years. She has had a couple of crushes and a handful of dates. She met Harry through her neighbor who did a big song and dance on how reliable, steady, dependable his ol pal Harry was.
At first, Linda met Harry and noticed all of his flaws: a self-professed workaholic, a homebody with very few outside interests. She said he was an old man before his time- but, he seemed dependable.
On their first date, he took her to a steakhouse. Linda has been a vegetarian for 10 years, a good cook and famous for her dinner lively parties. She politely ordered a large salad, he didn’t notice.
Harry was a good audience. Unlike her impatient, grumpy, former husband he listened to her every word. That was novel.
She invited him over for dinner the next weekend. She fixed a wonderful vegetarian meal. Harry had not been exposed to the finer things in life and social skills were not his strong suit. Before she was even seated, he was inhaling his dinner. But, he was a good listener. And a great kisser and was actually quite romantic. Big points.
Linda loves to go out to dinner and to movies, take day trips, shop at farmer’s markets, explore San Francisco, Carmel, and be near the ocean. Harry shared none of those interests. He went to work, had dinner, watched TV, and then went to bed, every day.
After six months, the novelty wore off, granted the intimacy was fabulous-but there’ was no there there.
Linda’s spoke to a couple of very close friends at work and told them the dilemma. The married girls were young enough to be her daughters and both agreed: at her age, all the good ones are taken, online dating is a dead-end, be happy with what you have. Quit complaining.
Linda trusted these girls and thought they are both very smart.
Never mind both were married, had not been on a date on a date in 10 years, and we’re clueless about the dating scene for people over 50.
And yet, she listened to them.
Linda’s friends met Harry and agreed he was a nice guy. However, they felt and she was “settling” and that she could do so much better.
They all thought she deserved someone who shared her interests and passions. She was much too young to be with and “old man” who didn’t want to travel, explore new restaurants, explore new cities or travel to new countries. And, in time Linda agreed to take a peek at Match.com and one of the free sites.
Dating Coach: After we got her up and running, we work together – via email and text.
Online Dating can be scary. It can also expose you to new people with whom you share interests. It can be fun, intoxicating and exciting.
Tell your friends, don’t be shy – just let people know you are ready to date. Put out the word in your Group of friends and acquaintances that you are now ready to meet other singles.
Take a peek at online dating- check out the free sites, Plenty of fish – take it all with a grain of salt. Peek at Craigslist ads. Look for a free seven-day Match.com promotions. Ask Single friends about what they’re doing and contact me.