Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

EH? eHarmony and learning the ropes


Learning the Ropes on eHarmony. One man’s story:

Dear Page Larkin,

You suggested trying two online dating sites. Two weeks ago, I signed up for eHarmony. I paid $60 for a one-month trial.

I heard they ask hundreds of questions- and then present you with a Personality analysis (The Book of You) and dates! You mentioned they spend a lot of time listing your virtues and assets. I didn’t have that experience

Ouch! eHarmony hurts- like a fortune cookie

Not one to stand on ceremony, after carefully answering the first 50 questions, I whipped through next few hundred questions and posted those all-important pictures; I played 20 Questions – wrote the mini essays (My favorite books, my favorite movies, my favorite mentor, etc.) paid the big bucks, was ready to go.

 First off: EHarmony wrote a book about me… Called “The Book of Mike”

These are the actual opening remarks from EHarmony:

You know what, Mike? This entire paragraph could be written out completely using, “blah blah blah” but it doesn’t. You are keen and aware to notice that there’s a lot more here than just fluff. Let’s explore it!”

  • Your perspective is very colorful because of your curiosity too. You are Original, Bold,  and Out-of-touch.

The six-page synopsis of “Me” seemed to be in written by somebody just learning American English in New Delhi. “Blah-blah-blah?”

The clumsy writing- resembling fifth grader- was laughable. Except, I didn’t laugh. Being Bold, Cold, Quirky and Insensitive my humor had dissipated.

  • Do you carry sunshine in a bag when it rains? (What?)
  • You gather information from books.

In this barrage of nonsense, non-sequiturs, and poorly written parlance my very favorite line was   “Did your parents expect you’d be walking the streets of Hollywood?”

theme park sideshowFour words come to mind, “What are you smoking?”

eHarmony – the giant, should have a sophisticated computer like “Hal” with those highly touted 29 Dimensions and famous “algorithms.”

They claim responsibility for 542 marriages a day through its “scientific approach.” The questionnaire bored me (i.e. Are crows feet cute? Do you walk around naked? Does Chocolate fix everything?)

I waded through the babble – discounted all the inane comments and started reviewing all the “Perfect Matches” selected for me. I look at pictures, I am a guy.

Ten women were dazzling –I sent each a note and sat back and waited. And waited. Still waiting. Turns out five  of them are no longer on EH – go figure?

Never again – tough lesson learned,

Mike, 52, Single,  SF- with a big bag of sunshine



 Thanks, Mike!

Wish I could say your letter is the first I have received with this complaint. It’s not. Men and women have both ranted and raved about Corporate EH and the obvious ‘outsourcing babble’ they produce under the auspices of accurate information. Thank you for sharing.         Peace, Page



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