Union Square: Three Perfect Places to Break up
Let’s say you’ve been seeing one another for a month or two – maybe three. It’s been fun – and, yet those quirky, little idiosyncrasies keep raising their ugly little heads: they talk too much; he licks his fingers after every meal; she can’t put her iPhone down, ever; they are so cute, so rich and also the worst driver in the world and you have been in three fender benders together and your neck hurts – not from necking; they drink/smoke/whine too much. Way. And the list goes on…
You know it is inevitable when “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off” plays in the recesses of your mind when your are together. It’s time to say good-bye. So, where is a good, centrally located, place to set them free?
Here are three places on Union Square that are ideal for easy access and departure, totally non-committal ambience for calling it quits.
Macy’s Basement: The Cellar: Ben and Jerry’s Arrive early and score a table. Choose your flavor and your departure plan carefully. The busy Cellar at Macy’s lends itself to abbreviated meetings. Pick up a cup or a cone– and soft serve one over the net. Be thoughtful kind and concise. C’est fini. Choose from: Hazed and Confused? Half Baked? Chocolate Therapy? Yes, the flavors names are rife with innuendo.
Emperor Rulli: Atop the Union Square Garage. Arrive in time to procure a table outside. This lively, hot spot has enough distractions and noises to avoid any awkward silences. All things awkward will be inhaled by the cries of seagulls and cable car bells. Order a thimble of espresso.
Lori’s Diner: A classic diner with all the trimmings- brightly lit, lively, noisy, usually quick service, and superb location for MUNI, BART, Sutter Stockton Garage. It has a friendly vibe, which is a good thing.
Note to Reader: If you happen to be in North Beach – Gino and Carlo’s Bar is the perfect dive bar for calling it quits. You could give birth at GnC’s and no one would notice. Die hard customers – stare into their beers, navels or bark like seals at the TV when March Madness, world series, boxing, bowling, or the kizzle dazzle of curling is on. You will be invisible. City Lights Bookstore is a quick jaunt. Pick up copy of Howl.
Bonus: Three Union Square Places Not to Break Up- Avoid at all Costs:
The Rotunda Restaurant at Neiman Marcus– is quite possibly the worst place on Union Square to break up with someone. It is a classic Ladies-Who-Lunch mecca. When a man enters the restaurant- all heads turn- with a “What’s he doing here?” kind of an snarky inquiry. Think Clare Boothe Luce’s The Women
Ix-Nay Blue Bottle: notoriously, too slow, too expensive, too suggestive: “They must really like me to treat me to Blue Bottle Coffee.”
The Burger Bar: No. Buying a $20 hamburger and a $10 milkshake will not assuage or wipe the slate clean. Fuggedaboutit
The Lobby at the St. Francis Hotel – Meeting “Under the Clock” at the St. Francis was a rendezvous site for decades. Flash forward to 2015 and the hotel doesn’t want you lingering in the lobby – they want you eating, drinking, checking in. Hence, the tiny little benches are not conducive for much of anything.
SEE: A Parable: Where Not and How Not to Break Up – Nob Hill- San Francisco Version
Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.” Paulo Coelho