Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Dating Help? Don’t let your kids write your dating profile

ilove u_-9Peter signed up for an online dating site and wasn’t getting any action.

A CPA by trade – he was great with numbers; sales and self-promotion were never his strong suit. His 27 yr. old daughter, Hilary, told him she would write his online dating profile. She said knew exactly what women wanted to hear.

Peter (62, divorced, 5’8, a little heavy) has never met a football, baseball, basketball game on TV he didn’t like. Gyms bored him – he was a flighty bird watcher. He preferred Ping-Pong to tennis and croquet over golf. He was a semi-master gardener,  was the star of his California History book club, and trout fishing in Montana was a gift he gave himself. Once a year. He didn’t like to dance, going out to a fancy dinner seemed frivolous, movies were too loud, and he had packed on a few lbs. since his wife divorced him five years earlier.

Not a problem! Hilary said she could make her dad a real Prince Charming.   And so she started penning pure fiction – she loved her dad and wanted him “to meet women.” First, she made him a widower. She thought older women (50+) were suckers for widowers. She knocked off five years and made her dad 57, and stated her Teddy bear dad was “athletic and toned.”

She started with “I love to laugh” and collapsed into a barrel of clichés about her dear old dad…which she considered cool and clever. Clever at 27  (unmarried, with kids) is different from hot at 60.  She copied and pasted the best lines from 10 really handsome 60–something bachelors she saw online:

  • “There is so much more to say but I prefer to meet, see if there is a real spark of chemistry and go from there.”
  • Here is not the place to go into intimate wishes or preferences; most of us want pretty much the same thing. The snow is a biggie for me; if you voted GOP recently, or watch FOX TV, do not RSVP.

photo_16951_20100307hot car

She tied the whole package up with a big red bow: A dozen Free Range Stock photographs of somebody else’s home in Tahoe, snow covered mountains, a fireplace, a picture of a bottle of Veuve Cliquot, a Chocolate Lab, candles and a Maserati.

She pushed the “Send” button and a new Peter was introduced to the women of Northern California.

You Got Some ‘Splainin’ to Do

In a matter of two days, Peter had 15 “likes” on each the photo of the Tahoe home and the red Maserati. Ten women sent flirty notes about warming up in front of a fireplace or Champagne was their “beverage of choice.” A handful of women were widowers – and wanted to meet him, a widow. A few inquiries came in about skiing together and perhaps hot tubbing? And, what was his beautiful dog’s name?

At first blush, (and he did blush) Peter was flattered by all the attention. Then, he panicked. He didn’t know how to respond to these attractive women. He called his daughter and that night she flirted back to each inquiry. He was pleased. Relieved.

That night, in a fit of insomnia, Peter had an epiphany – there was no way he could bluff his way through meeting any of the women who contacted him!

The Truth online will really set you free…

He went to the dating website and erased every trace of himself. He deleted, quit, expunged, removed all photos and officially quit the site.  Tomorrow was a new day.

“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.” Buddha

Bronze buddah in the park


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