Dating 101: pay attention to those Red Flags
See the Stop Signs and the big red flags -waving in the wind? Pay attention to ‘The Clues”
Henry and Crystal met online. She sent a quick note saying how entertaining she found his profile. He wrote back a very complimentary note- citing a couple of things the two had in common- and suggested she call him or send an e-mail.
Crystal was attracted to him because of his interest in jazz and Cuban music, his travels, his love of poetry, and they both liked to the same movies.
He was a recent widow, which gave her pause. She knew no one gets over the death of a spouse in a year. He might be fragile and maybe not ready for dating. She decided to talk to him on the phone and check him out.
The phone call– easy and comfortable and lasted a half an hour. He seemed pleased to hear from her – and she wondered if he knew exactly which Match.com woman she was. His was gracious and easy to talk to. Up front, he mentioned his wife’s death and some illnesses he had experienced. He asked her if she’d like to go to lunch.
Crystal decided a noncommittal coffee date would be better start. They agreed to meet two days later at the coffee shop downtown.
Henry’s picture online was vibrant and happy. The man who came to the coffee shop was a little hunched over and had a slight limp. He had sparkling blue eyes, was a little shy and polite.
After very the routine, small talk he asked her about her health. Really? She said she’d twisted her ankle on the hike a week ago, it was finally better. How was he? He then lapsed into a lengthy recap of recent maladies. The list was long. Boringly long. Buzz kill long. (red flag)
In the course of the conversation, he shared he had a bit of a mood disorder- he was sometimes depressed. (red flag) Little miss sunshine, Crystal asked if he tried any prescriptions to rectify the problem. He had tried one, it didn’t work and so he had given up. (red flag)
It didn’t take long for Crystal realized this was a dead end.
Her wise mother had once warned her about men who were looking for one of two things: a nurse or purse. Initially, Crystal had scoffed the idea. And, that day she embraced it. She knew the energy level she was attracted to…and,this was not it.
She graciously thanked Henry for meeting her, and wished him all the luck in the world in finding “a perfect match.”
TIP: Ask more questions on that initial phone call.