Dating 101: 2 dates – 2 stories
there are myriad ‘love at first sight’ stories, too.
His New Year’s resolution was to try online dating.
#1. Freshly divorced, he crafted a Match.com profile, signed up and within one hour she contacted him. They spoke on the phone for an hour and clicked.
He invited her to meet him at the San Francisco’s famed Absinthe for drinks.
He recognized her immediately, she smiled broadly as she walked towards him.
He stood up when she approached and kissed her on the cheek. They both ordered the signature cocktail: French 75’s – Champagne, gin and Brandied cherries. The tempting pomme frites followed. Next, a dozen oysters on the half shell.
Conversation flowed easily. They decided to stay for dinner. They have been inseparable ever since. That was over two years ago. It happens.
#2. Mary Elin (newly single, 54, City Girl) got her courage up – and studied Craigslist Bay Area Single Men 50 looking for Single Women 50.
Over the course of a few nights, she spent hours scouring the ads – some men seemed interesting – some were bizarre and others not remotely of interest.
Then, Cal, the artist, caught her eye. He wrote well – seemed smart and funny and she sent him an email. That evening, he wrote back. The note was engaging and light-hearted. They exchanged four emails before he suggested they speak on the phone and he sent his Berkeley phone number.
Fortified by the email exchange, she called him and they fell into easy conversation. He mentioned he had an art show at a local café and his passion was painting. Cool. They spoke on the phone for quite some time before she said, “Let’s meet for coffee.” He agreed to meet at famous singles meeting spot, Peet’s on Fourth Street in Berkeley. A date!
Mary Elin went back to re-read Cal’s write up and inspect his photograph. The grainy photo was taken from afar – he was her height. He looked fine.
The next day, she drove to Berkeley, arrived early, bought a cup of coffee and scored two seats outside. And, then she waited. Every single man that walked by caught her attention. She knew Cal was tall with dark hair. A little after 11AM, a man in faded, baggy jeans, a baseball hat and sunglasses approached her table. He asked, “Are you waiting for someone?” It took her a minute to realize this was her date.
Her first thought was, “Is this Candid Camera?”
The smiling man standing across from her was wearing tattered clothing, dirty, old running shoes, and a stained, denim jacket. He had a two-day stubble- or a really bad five o’clock shadow, and stringy hair. He didn’t really look like his picture, did he? She had a preconceived image of a much more attractive man.
Cal sat down and started talking. Mary Elin remained stunned by his appearance. She couldn’t help but notice how down-and-out he looked. Was she being hypercritical and shallow?
They chatted amiably and she agreed to walk with him around the shopping area. At one point, he mentioned he needed to get something out of his car, across the street. His car was actually a dilapidated, really dirty, old van. That was the coup de grace.
She had done a quick analysis of the situation knew full well they were not match.
Dramatically, she looked at her watch and told him she had to go. She said she was happy to meet him – she wished him well and gently said, “Cal, I don’t think we are a match. Good luck.”
The takeaway? Understand, it is not shallow to scrutinize the photographs on the dating site. Look at the pictures and ask a lot of questions – not like the HR Department- friendly, inquisitive questions.
And, Google the guy or girl – always. You must do your homework, boys and girls