Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

What would Dear Abby say? Go out and play.

Back away from the mouse.

That was the clever way my therapist told me Iimages2 wasted too much time pursuing and perusing men on the Internet.

She said the two hours I spent every day scouring on-line dating sites could be better spent.  And if I removed all the karmic energy I was wasting on not loving myself first, the right man would follow.

So, I did it.

I felt like a reformed alcoholic emptying bottles of booze, one after another, as I clicked away and quit the three Internet dating sites I had subscribed to for six months.

Goodbye to guaranteed to meet a fellow Ivy Leaguer. My ill fated claim to fame- I didn’t meet one man from Penn State, but did meet one from the state pen.    I said ov vey, good-bye and mazel tov to my stable of dead-end flirtations at JDate, the Jewish dating service.

Finally, I disassociated myself with my very favorite site:

I’d met Paul, Rick, Ron, Mike 1 and Mike 2 and Clive on datesRus. It had been a veritable gold mine for first dates and first kisses. However, after the first six dates – it was generally a dead end. I’d gotten really good at first dates. I’d honed the necessary skills to appear fascinated and have developed great eye contact. My friends tease me that I’ve perfected the affected Nancy Reagan stare.

I’ll  admit I’ve become a little cynical.

What is this manic experience?  I call it Dating World. It’s a lot like a theme-park ride- a place you choose to go, a virtual roller coaster~ with a spiritual decline? However, I believe the highs generally outweigh the lows… the volley of flirty e-mails, the phone calls, coffee dates – I called it dessert.

My opinionated and very negative therapist calls the experience the desert.


Mainly because after six dates they deserted.

Actually, not always on the 6th date- but, around or about.  Why?  Is this the norm? That’s what I wanted to know.

So I organized a convivial focus group of eight women – all around the same age (perpetually 39). In keeping with a theme:  Sex in the City – for Girls Over 50

I served pretty pink Cosmopolitans. I’m sure Mark Twain has a great quote about opinions ~ all I know is, give a Single woman in San Francisco two Cosmos and you had better be ready to take notes – there was a tsunami of thoughts and beliefs about being suddenly single in SF.

Merry said On line dating is “the buffet of life”…People  push their trays down the dating buffet line and randomly pick and choose each other. Sometimes too much dessert (sweet- yet, empty).  Sometimes too much ‘fowl’..

Lynn chimed in with she thought people in San Francisco appreciate a Career more than a relationship.

That was fodder for an uproar of conversation.

Lynn continued to say in Suddenly Single world – where tiny cable cars climb halfway to the stars – that there is such an emphasis placed on what do you do not who you are.

(This coming from a woman who attended Hastings  while working as a CPA)

In true form we covered myriad topics.

What we did agree upon was that, above all, what are important are your passions, your loves, what makes you smile and light up.

We  all need to define who we are – what we like.  The two words bandied about were fun and passion.

I love dessert – loathe buffets- I like to have fun – and certainly am not merely defined by my career- but who I choose to spend time with…


Suddenly Single in San Francisco



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