Be a bachelor – for life? Kiss a few frogs or hold out?
Since when did men and women become so afraid of one another?
Does on line dating perpetuate a fear of rejection… or a fear of reception?
Perhaps the breakneck speed of on line dating has given singles ‘virtual whiplash’ and an abject fear of rejection. If you are enrolled in a dating service like Match.com or EHarmony – you see a parade of faces skating before your eyes everyday. Lo and behold, the following day, there is another picture parade-of-perfect matches.
NOTE: This may cause side effects of head spinning, heart palpitations and ego swelling.
And so evolves, a virtual shopping spree with a Photo-shopping bent. Wannabe-daters go from diligently reading profiles and daydreaming to simply scanning pictures. It might look something like this: Pat: 50, tennis pro, poet, chef, looks good, but Shelly, Noble Peace Prize winner, spelunker, yo-yo champ-looks better. Like a kid on an Easter egg hunt, you pick up one brightly colored object and dismiss it just as quickly, thinking something better will come along. This can’t be good.
Doctor Love: Be intimate and independent
Dr Joanne ( aka Dr Love) is a leading San Francisco psychologist who studies relationships. She recently said some of her clients have more first-dates than they knew what to do with. One peripatetic client met with 90 women in his first 2 years of being newly divorced. He had the classic Clint Eastwood experience and met “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.” However, he played the numbers game, was laser-focused and eventually met and wed his true soul mate.
Dr Joanne maintained suddenly single men and women hovering around age 50, want relationships. However, with age, a new requirement has transpired: both sexes have a need for both real intimacy and true independence.
They have quaffed the Kool-Aid and succumbed to, as one woman put it, “I need to be in his arms and then be an arm’s length away.”
She concluded, a healthy dose of compromise and honesty are necessary for a healthy relationship. Right?
Do you kiss a few frogs, or steadfastly hold out for the perfect Prince Charming / The Princess and be a bachelor for life?
Would you open your eyes and heart for a fun and fulfilling relationship with the guy or girl next door?
BEST ADVICE: Take your “Must Have List” – the dreamy, long list of Perfect qualities in your Perfect Mate and shred it. Burn it. Delete it. Get real.
Binkie, Look in the mirror. You have to be the person you want to attract. Ribbit.
Read: Page Larkin’s Dating 101 – What are we afraid of?