When to move in together?
At first, a budding romance is all about kisses and holding hands, hugs, love notes, candlelight, romantic restaurants, breakfast in bed, flowers, cuddles conversation and plans. Lots and lots of plans. Nothing is too much trouble at that nascent stage.
Specialized: Take me on a Trek Couples who love biking, plan long bicycle trips to new destinations, rides to the wine country, picnics: they don their spandex and climb. Sweaty is good.
Bargain hunters A couple of garage sale aficionados travel high and low and seek out treasures – inevitably they began to think about living together and begin planning their perfect nest-if they were to live together- wouldn’t it be perfect…
Too much- too soon?
Jenny, 30, lives with two other girls in a huge Victorian attic near Golden Gate Park. She met Vince at The Grove and they were instantly smitten. She fell head over heels for him and lusted after his two-bedroom apartment 10 blocks away.
Not only was Vince smart and sweet and employed, he had privacy and a 52-inch screen TV. They shared a passion for The Big Bang Theory, and Sons of Anarchy. Slowly, Jenny moved her clothes, cosmetics, bicycle and juicer over to Vince’s house.
If– the two were like two peas in a pod. It was cool to be a ‘couple.’ As the months dragged on, Jenny dug her heels (running shoes, flip flops, boots, Uggs) in…she had rules- he didn’t and ugly little differences reared their heads.
One week end, Vince said he “needed space” and encouraged her to pack up and move back to her attic.
He would help. C’est fini.
Popular and prolific – John Gray’s bestseller, Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice, addresses a common problem, in living together
In the beginning- it was all about lingering and lingerie…
Much time is spent in a horizontal position: lingering and lounging. After the bloom is off the rose, and you are living together and getting up every morning to go to your job, commute, the glamorous weekend life is taken on a whole new patina – heck, there is no patina – It’s rusty!
Uh-oh! From Lingerie to Sweats?
Sally complains that Mike, a Prince of a man, sounds like a machine when he’s sleeping. Solution: She’s taken to wearing ear buds and listening to white noise as she falls asleep each night.
Mike complains that Sally is a whirling dervish when she sleeps. He loves being near her- except when she spins and flails and tosses and turns. And steals the blankets. Solution: A king-size bed.
There are a million stories in the Dated City
The Best Advice: To offer a formula, road map or dating directions would be fool-hardy. Every couple is unique and enters the relationship with hopes, aspirations, dreams and a full set of emotional baggage.
Take it slow and easy
“Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.” Oscar Wilde
“Experts on romance say for a happy marriage there has to be more than a passionate love. For a lasting union, they insist, there must be a genuine liking for each other. Which, in my book, is a good definition for friendship.” Marilyn Monroe