Top 9 reasons you’re not going on that second date
No crystal ball required- it’s easy to see your First Date is a dud if one of these 9 things happens:
1. Stop the noise: You meet, start talking and you don’t stop. They are bored to tears by your monologue. Check, please!
2. Begin the Beguine? You agree to go dancing. A surprise – you’re thinking Top of the Mark– however, they take you to the KOFY television dance party- your date is a combination John Travolta- Olivia Newton Jon in full costume. Change the channel!
3. Funds faux pas: The waiter brings the bill and you say, “Would you mind? I forgot my wallet.” Au Revoir.
4. Your photos are dated- you aren’t: You walk in: 10 years older and 20 pounds heavier than your posted profile photo. No second date for you.
5. Say good night, Gracie. You it down at the table and say “Oh! I thought you were a lot (choose one offensive adjective) younger, thinner, prettier. So, how old are you?” Buh-bye, oh very rude person.
6. Liar, Liar, Pants Afire: You nonchalantly divulge you don’t really live in San Francisco, you’re not actually employed, and not a doctor, lawyer, Indian chief and you really don’t hike, bike, go camping or even like sports – however, you love reality TV (especially ‘The Bachelor’) You confide you think Jerry Springer is a genius negotiator. Sorry! Wrong number.
7. And Toto, too: You arrive with a tiny white dog on pink rhinestone leash, which demands your full attention. You keep the dog in your lap and hug and kiss your little “baby.”
8. You are a Neanderthal: You flirt with the waitress, leave for a ‘quick smoke’, send three text messages during the 20-minutes of your first and last coffee date; you talk with your mouth full, stir your coffee with your pen, and ask “Hon, can you pay this time?”
9. Sleeping with Strangers: You admit you’re not actually divorced. To tell the truth, you’re still living with your spouse- and yes, must share the same bed – the house is so small. You claim that ‘50 Shades of Gray’ is your favorite trilogy, your unemployment is running out and you need a couch to surf on for a while.