Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Top 9 reasons you’re not going on that second date

 a metalic christmas ball with a star curved on itNo crystal ball required- it’s easy to see your First Date is a dud if one of these 9 things happens:

1.  Stop the noise: You meet, start talking and you don’t stop. They are bored to tears by your monologue. Check, please!

2.  Begin the Beguine? You agree to go dancing. A surprise – you’re thinking Top of the Mark– however, they take you to the KOFY television dance party- your date is a combination John Travolta- Olivia Newton Jon in full costume. Change the channel!

3.  Funds faux pas: The waiter brings the bill and you say, “Would you mind? I forgot my wallet.” Au Revoir.

4.  Your photos are dated- you aren’t: You walk in: 10 years older and 20 pounds heavier than your posted profile photo. No second date for you.

5.  Say good night, Gracie. You it down at the table and say “Oh! I thought you were a lot (choose one offensive adjective) younger, thinner, prettier. So, how old are you?” Buh-bye, oh very rude person.

6.  Liar, Liar, Pants Afire: You nonchalantly divulge you don’t really live in San Francisco, you’re not actually employed, and not a doctor, lawyer, Indian chief and you really don’t hike, bike, go camping or even like sports – however, you love reality TV (especially ‘The Bachelor’) You confide you think Jerry Springer is a genius negotiator. Sorry! Wrong number.

7.  And Toto, too: You arrive with a tiny white dog on pink rhinestone leash, which demands your full attention. You keep the dog in your lap and hug and kiss your little “baby.”

8.  You are a Neanderthal: You flirt with the waitress, leave for a  ‘quick smoke’, send three text messages during the 20-minutes of your first and last coffee date; you talk with your mouth full, stir your coffee with your pen, and ask “Hon, can you pay this time?”

9.  Sleeping with Strangers: You admit you’re not actually divorced.  To tell the truth, you’re still living with your spouse- and yes, must share the same bed – the house is so small. You claim that ‘50 Shades of Gray’ is your favorite trilogy, your unemployment is running out and you need a couch to surf on for a while.

“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.”   Buddha

Bronze buddah in the park

Advertisements

Single Post Navigation

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: