Smart and critical: Dear Page Larkin- dating at 50 dilemmas
When Kathy and I started dating, ((she’s 65, I’m 70) she was romantic and spontaneous. Four years later, she is less available. We only see each other on weekends due to distance and driving. She claims she’s tired of the driving. I call the 18 miles from my house to her apartment “our 18-mile hallway.” She used to think that was romantic. Now, she wants to move into my house. I cherish my man-cave and don’t wish a full-time roommate.
Dear Henry VIII
Fish or cut bait. Kathy’s lack of luster may be in direct proportion to your unwillingness to take it up a notch. I imagine, at 65 she may be planning for the future and thinking your interest is waning with your dead end weekend-only arrangements.
I met a great guy online (retired SF Fireman, divorced twice.) We took it very slow. We have both been hurt and have six adult kids between us. Our on-and-off again relationship took a turn for the better after he received an inheritance and could pay off all his debts. Flush, he moved in with me, redecorated my kitchen, the master bath, and transferred my pathetic garden to Sunset magazine cover. Then he got bored and started playing golf with the boys and having drinks.
My home is beautiful and empty. And he has virtually disappeared. My friends say, “Toss the bum out.” I ’m thinking about going online just to look for other single men. Good idea?
Dear Sunset Years
Close one door before you open another. Talk to the simmering firemen and tell him your feelings about six-hour golf games and drinks thereafter. Do you miss him? Tell him. This is your call: want to be a classic ‘Golf Widow’ or “in the game?”
Carpe diem, Page
I just met Johnny-a great guy by all accounts, except for one. While he says he’s divorced, he still lives with his ex and may share the same bed. He says it’s a very small apartment and a foldout bed in the living room is lumpy. Should I be worried?
No Bed bugs
Dear No Bed-bugs
Hmm, where else could Johnny possibly sleep? Think: a cot, an air mattress, the couch, in Air B&B, a guestroom, a sleeping bag. I would say Johnny lacks initiative and you should lack interest. Move on, girlfriend. You can do better.
Moving on, Page
My randy and retired neighbor, Stan, trolls Craigslist every day in hopes of a “nooner.” His wife is a nurse – works a classic 12-hour shift- and he invites women into his house for casual sex. How do I know this? He told me. Should I tell his wife?
Good neighbor Sam
Dear Good neighbor Sam,
This is classic: NOYB. While you think you would be helping – this is none of your business. Pay attention to your own wife, life and commitments.
Since when did everyone start kissing and holding hands on the first date? I met three different men, three different nights, for drinks downtown last week. After the second drink, they all became very lovey-dovey.
You might consider “daytime dates” involving coffee – not cocktails – in clean well-lighted places. Let me know if you don’t experience a 100% change in attitudes and platitudes
Peace and love,Page
Dear Ms. Larkin,
My dad, “56,” has been divorced and single for 20 years. He just announced that he wants to get married again. He has turned into a dating machine. He goes out with a different woman three nights a week. The money he spends on dinners, drinks and flowers, etc. could buy me a condo.
He left his computer on and I looked at his dating profile. He claims to be 46, a runner, a movie buff, gym rat. He is not seen a gym or run a mile since high school. Shall I tell him to smarten up?
NOYB: What your dear old dad does is none of your business. And, you are snooping and sneaky to read his private material. I’m sure you’d expect the same respect. Wish him well- it’s his romantic research.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Mark Twain