Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Wear Sunscreen, Coke is good for you, I am single – really! Internet Hoaxes

What is in your….Commencement Speech? Fact or Fiction?

Suddenly Single... Minded

pilttttPILTDOWN MAN was the hoax of the century.

However, the famous Kurt Vonnegut MIT commencement speech, Wear Sunscreen, has to be right up there with the Top 10 Internet Hoaxes. Vonnegut is famous for his writing, especially: Slaughterhouse Five and Breakfast of Champions. Both were mandatory reading in the ‘70’s for members of the Boom Boom Generation.

Vonnegut, an icon and a hero, supposedly delivered the 1997 speech at MIT. It was a shopping list of life’s lessons filled with glib advice and pithy pointers on living well and coloring outside the lines:

  • Do one thing every day that scares you.
  • Sing.
  • Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
  • Floss.
  • Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.
  • Remember compliments you…

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Tips: The Best and Worst Opening Lines

comics-1299500__340The Good, the Bad and the Ugly?

John J. in Los Gatos is friendly, fun and flirty.

Note: Women love this. This is a “formula note” he sends out after a women has looked at his dating profile:         

Hello.  Thank you for perusing my profile. I like YOURS too. I was also lousy in Chemistry until entering the dating world. I notice you seek someone less than 47 miles away…Too bad I live 48 miles away (LOL kidding, it’s actually twice that distance;-). Three years ago I, too, lived in SF – had a wonderful apartment on Chestnut & Van Ness.  I wish we had met on-line then! I used to run in Golden Gate Park (until knee surgery ended my running career and started my cool new biking habit;-) Thanks, again for the look! Best of luck in finding that very lucky local SF Dude. Ciao Bella, John J in Los Gatos

Huge Points for John J. who is proactive, positive, flirty and friendly. His ‘form letter’ garners more attention than a wink or a one-liner. Go, John J.! frog-prince-398828__180

Mikey 68 (“A jock with bad knees but a good heart”) was a PE Major, not a creative writer,  who hired a  professional writer to enhance his online dating profile.  They talked – she took notes, and two days later, she came back with a new iamge: Michael 101.

He went from a bumbling Jimmy Kimmel to smooth Jimmy Stewart. He debated about keeping his long past profession (Veterinarian) out of the picture – she insisted he blatantly brag about being a Doctor. She said single women are on the look out for professionals. She also encouraged him to insert a passion for reading all things Jane Austen. She sent him links to Jane Austen for Dummies and The Cliff Notes.  She also changed his online name to  ‘Mr Darcy.” His opening line is, Call me Tall dark and handsome and I will follow you any where. Mr Darcy. His “ratings” went up. Way Up.

Tons of email every week:  Michael/Mr Darcy  gets a ton of winks, emails, and canned greetings from women all over the country. Whether it is his picture, his winning personality/profession as a DR,  Or his ghost-writer’s finesse in creating a faux Prince. He is only slightly embarrassed when women discover he has none of Mr Darcy’s attributes. Glib, he says Austen is ‘fiction.’  Truth or Dare? He is convinced he will meet a sweetheart. not_match-aCall me Timbo  (62, hunter, NRA devotee, catches fish with his hands)

He lives in an “A-state.” He is looking for one woman with whom to spend the rest of his life.  The other three did not work out. Clever man, got ahold of an NRA Club roster. Timbo had 200 post cards made with his picture on them. He and his son addressed and stamped all the cards with the message: “Wanted: My Last Date. Must be single and like dogs.” He got a few nibbles…nothing panned out. Next, with the help of the librarian, he joined Match.com and  wrote: “Sugar Daddy seeks Hot Mama” much to the chagrin of Marian librarian.

He was swamped with responses. At first, he was excited by all the attention. Then all the coffee shop dates, phone calls and driving “all over hell and high-water” to  meet all the s0-called “hot mamas” was exhausting.

Throwing in the towel, Timbo says, he is quitting the dating business- he prefers the company of his dogs.dog2_7501_20080925

 

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people

than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

Dale Carnegie

Got a Fear of Dating – please curb your sexophobia

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Fresh out-of-the-box.  Right off the shelf.  Right off  the boat. Dating neophytes

There are a lot of metaphors for people who are just back in the Dating Game. For some, getting back into the swing of dating can be daunting. If you have been out of the game for a while, you may notice dating today is a little more complex than it was a decade or two ago.

Not only is the playing field no longer level, the rules have changed. And,  the game is faster and the ‘uniforms’ are a lot shorter. The days of yore-  courting and being coy – are as out dated as hot pants and polyester.

Are you afraid to make a move? There are tons of fears, frights, scares and trepidations.

There are even dating phobias which are irrational, intense, persistent fear of certain nouns (persons, places, things).

For your information:

The Top 10 Common Fears Known to Single Men and Women

1. Isolophobia – fear of being alone
2. Athazagoraphobia- fear of being forgotten
3. Gamophobia – fear of marriage
4. Mageirocophobia – fear of cooking
5. Sexophobia – fear of the opposite sex
6. Gynophobia – fear of women
7. Hominophobia – fear of men
8. Clinophobia – fear of going to bed
9. Homilophobia – fear of sermons
10. Nyctophobia- fear of the dark or night/

Franklin D Roosevelt said it best:
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself –

nameless, unreasoning, unjustified,

terror which paralyzes needed efforts…”

Civility returns…

Fresh, clean, water….not at the Delta

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Every summer, thousands flock to the San Joaquin Delta…the picture above is not The Delta. Au contraire.

The  waterways are swarming with party boats. “The Delta” is called a lot of things. including “grody,” and “trashy”  by old-timers who grew up tubing, waterskiing, & wake- boarding, and yet they rave: “You can’t help but love it.”

One report of seeing a dead animal floating in the water kills the joy

Venture  miles off the Main Channel, and you may be rewarded – take the time to explore.

Those 110 degree summer weekends and  promise of “glass” for water skiing isnt enough for a foray. It seems nearly eveyone whines about the pollution of the water.

Loud music punctures the air.

Boom Boxes blare from boats and skiffs.

See you at Tahoe.

Delta

Real soccer stars? Women swoon over these two

Love these two men- Play Ball!

Suddenly Single... Minded

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Little known fact: Worldwide, 63% of all soccer fans are women. We are rabid soccer fans.

What’s not to like? Droves of handsome, young men – buff, virile, robust, at the top of their game, and, obviously  ‘Allergic to Wearing Shirts’ (as evidenced by constant furling and flinging of said shirts off their perfect torsos.)

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However, the real stars of the World Cup – stealing the show are two Brits – ESPN super stars, “Men in Blazers”– Michael Davies and Roger Bennett. Clever boys: providing witty repartee, low budget and high-brow observations with a modicum of sardonic wit –are having a whole lot of fun. And we like to watch.

Word at the espresso bar and the water cooler – Davies and Bennett are the second best part of the World Cup. They are smart, playful, funny and sexy. Girls like that.

images-53That ‘Allergic to Shirts’ bit is a…

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Sweet Revenge turns sour?

Merriane was very angry that Matt gave her the, “You are too good for me” line.

They had been dating – hot and heavy- for three months and she was sure he was “The One.” They got along famously in every room of the house. He could cook, clean, shop, do laundry and did his best work in the bedroom. She had no complaints. And no clue.

She laughed when she told her girlfriends she would revel in  a weekend of Chick Flicks and enjoy a lavish Menage a Trois – with Ben and Jerry. They knew she wasn’t kidding, The company had just introduced four new flavors: Truffle Kerfuffle, Urban Bourbon, Candy Bar Pie and Half Baked. She claimed it was Chocolate Therapy.

Merriane  thought she paper the neighborhood with Matt UNwanted posters. Or she might do a ‘Blog a Bitch’  about her ex-boyfriend. She decided upon a thinly veiled account: Dirty little secrets – his worst fears,  awful things he said about his friends and family.  Next,  she would take anything he left behind and begin auctioning it off on eBay or put it on the street with a “free “sign on it.

On a sugar high, she started her movie marathon with Thelma and Louise, Beaches, Mystic Pizza, and Four Weddings and a Funeral.

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“I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor was her Mantra and her top song of the day – followed closely by “Cry Me a River, “These Boots Are Made for Walking”  and,  You’re So Vain.

All it took was a couple of pints, a movie marathon, huge success on eBay, Break up songs blaring through the house, a good night’s sleep and the pity party was over.

Merriane knew she was alone,  

but more importantly, she was now available.

Like Mary Tyler Moore throwing her hat in the air – she was back in the game.

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Paper

Monogamy? Monotony or integrity? You be the judge


Six women were seated under the lush green pergola, dense with fragrant Cherry blossoms.

The air was redolent and a nearby buffet table was laden with small plates of tapas. The women were sipping Sangria and laughing.


What you get when you cross a polyglot with a polyamorous? Someone who can cheat in six languages.

‘Date Watchers of San Francisco’ is an animated and opinionated women’s group who meet to weigh in on topics issues, mores, and trends. The topic du jour was monogamy and polyamory. All agreed, the song, “Love the One You’re With”  should have been playing in the background.  As a rule, the self-proclaimed “ladies who launch” prefer to date, cohabit with, marry, and hang out with men, one at a time.

 

 

Don’t Tread on Me – mon petite door mat

Karyn, the group leader, told the parable of her friend who crashed and burned in a Dating Debacle. Her friend, Mitzi, met the man of her dreams. They were in love,  inseparable,  intoxicated with one another and head over heels for 5 months.

All was sublime until Mr. Right decided he wanted to ‘date around’ while still dating Mitzi.  He then wanted to know if she would be willing ‘to share him’ with a few other of his soon-to-be-intimate-girl- friends.

Devastated and direct, a resounding, “No!” was her succinct answer. Mr. Right was perplexed, self-absorbed and gone. Altho  Mitzi was saddened by the experience and the loss  she learned a lesson.. and shared her feelings and was a little wiser for the experience.

Tomorrow: Part Two The Lesson

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com .

Polyamory vs Monogamy – table for three?


‘Date Watchers of San Francisco’ is an animated and opinionated women’s group who meet to weigh in on topics issues, mores, and trends. The topic du jour was “Monogamy and Polyamory.”

All agreed, the song, “Love the One You’re With“ should have been playing in the background.  As a rule, the self-proclaimed “Ladies Who Launch” prefer to date, cohabit with, marry, and hang out with men, one man at a time.

Don’t Tread on Me – mon petite doormat

Marlene, the group leader, told the parable of her friend who crashed and burned in a dating debacle. Her friend, Kathy, met the man of her dreams. They were in love, inseparable, intoxicated with one another and head over heels for 5 months.

All was sublime until Mr. Right decided he wanted to ‘date around’ while still dating Kathy.  He then wanted to know if she would be willing ‘to share him’ with a few other of his soon-to-be-intimate-girl- friends.

Devastated and direct, a resounding, “No!” was her succinct answer. Mr. Right was perplexed, self-absorbed and gone. Although Kathy was saddened by the experience and the loss she learned a lesson and shared her feelings. She was a whole lot wiser for the experience.

What you get when you cross a polyglot with a polyamorous? Someone who can cheat in six languages.

 While Date Watchers  discussed cheating, sharing and polyamory, they concluded they were all much more Pollyanna than Polyamory.

What happened to Pollyanna?

A week after checking the “Opt Out” box with Mr. Ménage a Many, Kathy was on the elevator at the 450 Sutter Medical Building and ran into an old (50-something) college friend, a dentist, widowed a year before, and a ballroom dance aficionado. From the 24th floor to the lobby they chatted, laughed and agreed to go dancing and now, they are making beautiful music together. It happens.



Mad About You…and you… and you

Jennie, 55, (the ink on the divorce papers was barely dry) had to chime in with her tale of “Whoa!” She recently signed up on two online dating sites. Smiling like a Cheshire cat, she said she been blissfully dating – multiple men. She was like a kid in a candy store. She bragged she was making up for lost time.

The other women listened as Jennie regaled them with her ‘Tales from the Crib.’

“Thirty dates in 30 days” sounded impressive and exhausting. Would a diabetic coma follow her sweet overload?

Two of the women agreed they experienced that same the same post-divorce-euphoria, to a lesser degree. The consensus was that hyperactive, Jennie should slow down and smell the flowers, instead of mowing them down. She was the classic too much, too soon, too fast, fey divorcee.

Jennie said she was perfectly upfront with each of the three men she was dating. The first guy said, “Hasta la vista, baby,” and walked out; Number Two wanted to woo Jennie and was willing to stay in the game; Number Three said “…Give me a call when you’re done experimenting.”

Can You Spell STD?

The wine continued to flow, as did the opinions. Yes, of course, all agreed life is short, however they also encouraged Jennie to slow down, take precautions, get tested, and focus on quality, not quantity.

Marlene, the wise said, “Jen, sweetie, you’ve got ADD. You have all the classic symptoms of Affection Deficit Disorder.                                   It’s been a long time since you have had any action; all of this serial dating is just frothy, light and fun. Get it out of your system and then get real.”

The women raised their glasses in unison and said,” Here’s to those who love us, and here’s to those who don’t, a smile for those who are willing to, and a tear for those who won’t.”

Jennie, of the ‘get in the last word’ countered with: Remember what the late, great Mae West said,

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!”

Cheers.

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The New Faces on Match.com

Ginnie was thrilled to be Single and Free. Freshly divorced she made ‘the move.’

After living in tiny Centerville, VA she moved to Our Nation’s Capital and moved in with her younger, sister Tiffany.

Ginnie’s sister had started with an entry level accounting job at the FBI and quickly rose to the Forensics ranks and was happily ensconced in a postion where she reviewed and analyzed financial institution fraud.

The sisters spent a great deal of time sipping Pinot Noir and talking about men, dating, creeps, kooks, cool guys and romance. They were both up for meeting their “Date for Life.” Tiff had dabbled on J.Swipe, Tinder, Plenty of Fish and wasn’t any too pleased with the guys who cropped up.

Her big “crush” on JSwipe, the Jewish Dating Site,  had pursued her with a flood of text messages that had her hook-like and sinker. At one point, he sugggested she call him. Rather than the 2 pm suggested time, she was free to call him at 3 pm – and she got his message machine. His message, “Hi, this is Sean Sullivan. Please leave a message. Slainte” Whoa! An Irish Sean on a Jewish site? Turns out that was nothing compared to the number of married men she found on Tinder.

The parade of DC men were…different. DC Comics different…The sisters knew who and what they were looking for…Wish them luck!

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