Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Playing with a full deck of Flirting cards?

Are you playing with a full deck ?

New flirting cards flying across tables everywhere.


Burt T. was sipping a latte at Cafe Trieste in North Beach, finishing the New York Times crossword puzzle, when it happened.

The cute, brunette from across the room, walked up to his table and handed him a card. She smiled, turned, and walked out of the bustling café.

The glossy black card said, “Notification of Attraction: I find you attractive” He turned the card over and found a phone number scribbled in pink ink and the following, “In order to speed things up, I decided to Flirt Wildly with this card. I will be here tomorrow at 10 am – be here- or call me- if you desire further contact. I’m feeling lucky – here is my phone number. Member of the Flirt Wildly Committee.”

Flirt Wildly with a Card?

Once upon a time, the most generic way to flirt with another person involved one of the following: a wink, a smile, or a verbal greeting consisting of (choose one) A) Hey. B) Is this seat taken? C) How are you? D) Haven’t I seen you here before?  E) What are you reading?  F) I’d like to get to know you.    Yes, they were tried and true – a little predictable and effective.

Flirting 101 is as simple and easy as a smile, an attentive gaze, a gentle touch. It’s subtle and says, “I find you attractive.” Usually props are not required. Both men and women have been known to drop their business card off to a potential date with a quick, “I hope you’ll call me.” Yes, visions of George Clooney in “Up in the Air” do come to mind.

Step Two Flirting for women involves playing with a strand of hair, licking of lips, smiling, leaning in to a conversation and talking, laughing, and lots of eye contact. No cards required. Just a stream of verbs and nouns linked together. Since Eve, this technique has proved to be very powerful.

Flirting Cards – by any other name – have been around for years.

Some love them and others call it the “chicken” way out.  Burt T. says he sees women in San Francisco ‘dealing cards’ – handing out cards to attractive people – and it looks promising. Plus!  He has a date with a cute brunette.

Get in the Game:

If you have had too much ‘Old Maid’ or ‘Solitaire’, amp up the flirting and get back in the game. Cards Optional. Your deal.

 

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Yelp is ruinng his love life

Dear Page Larkin,  

I am single-again after a wonderful long term romance just bit the dust. Blair and I were a hot couple and did really fablous trips and treks. She was much more of a foodie that I … For obvious reasons. I must watch my weight.

Her favorite restaurant, La Folie, in San Francisco is phenomenal on many levels..  Blair had a penchant for photographing every morsel of food she was served at every restaurant we ever dined.

In the beginning, it didn’t bother me so much.. After a month or two, it became very bothersome and plebeian, and in my humble esteem.  The maître d’ at the aforementioned restaurant spoke to me when my date left the table; he very politely asked me to ask my date to refrain from photographing every course. Fortunately, she waited until she was in the car before she threw a fit. Incensed, she was dying to get home to write a very long review of the restaurant- as she is wont to do. We went back to her place – she spent over an hour on her  laptop – while I waited and watched  television.

I’m done with her.

Here’s the deal: Blair  is the third or fourth woman I’ve dated who is so addicted to Yelp that a meal is no longer enjoyable-  it’s all about food porn, clever adjectives, alliteration, and attacks on the wait staff.  What say you?

Phil on Fillmore

Dear Phil on Fillmore,                                                                                                                      You are one of many people who have reached out to me with this very same problem. Both guys and dolls share the same complaint. I am sure Psychology Today would have a field day with the plethora of people who feel the need to regurgitate the many, many details of their most recent meal.

This I know – she is out there. Keep looking. Be Open. Remind your friends you’re single again. Get the word out. So as you are dining alone-perhaps at the counter-look around the room for other singles and start with something as simple as a smiling and eye contact. You have no idea how rare this is sometimes.

Love, Page

 

Whisper a poem in my ear and I’ll follow you anywhere

Poetry and Seduction…

Suddenly Single... Minded

Do you have time for Rhyme? April is National Poetry Month

Poetically speaking, April is actually the coolest, not the cruelest month.

The hot topic around the table at the sublime Zuni Cafe was how perfectly seductive it is to hear a man recite a poem. Consensus was, “Oh, yeah!” Wordsworth said, “Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from a motion we collected in tranquility.” Voltaire called poetry, “Music of the soul”.


Whatever You Call It – Just Do it

Whether you recite a poem, a haiku, a sonnet – whether it’s blank verse – or free verse, lyrical or satirical- women swoon over poetry. There’s something irresistible and alluring about having someone recite a poem to you.

Remember: poems are meant to be slow and leisurely, read aloud and read more than once.

Why wait until April? Now is the…

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Top 10 Reasons you will go on the second date

You meet for the First Date (aka the Check Each Other Out Event)          

It could last twenty minutes or four hours – depending on the Chemistry.

What makes a first date magic? These Top 10 components:

1. You look exactly like your photographs and he says, “Your pictures don’t do you justice” (Big points.)

2. You offered to pay half – you are thoughtful, evolved, and gracious.
3. You laughed – with him – a lot. Actual comfort level established.
4. You had one drink – and so did he. C’est fini.
5. He is taller – or as tall as you are –  if that matters. One day you realize, it doesn’t!
6. He weighs more than you do – if that matters… (See above)
7. You both attended  a.) University   b.) high school     c.) Jr  College  or  d.) trade school. What is your comfort level?

8.)  You both read a.) newspapers   b.) blogs   c.) books   d.) best sellers    e) any/ all of the above.
9. You each have an amusing Internet dating story and share.
10 You enjoyed one another, both had a fun time,  were relaxed and are looking forward to the next date.

Conversely

Top Ten Reasons You

Might Agree to a Second Date

1. He looks exactly like his picture

2. Height and Weight and Age are accurate.

3. He arrives by car, bus, train not on a Harley.

4. Manners: He holds the  door open for you, walks into the cafe after you.

5. You Match – He, too reads the same genre, attends same events you do, likes the same sports teams… or is open to do so.

6. Postively: During the entire date you never hear one Ex-Bashing Story.

7. Funny: You  both laugh – a lot.

8. Common Pages: You both like a.) newspapers  b.) blogs  c.) books  d.) best sellers e.) one of the above

9. Experiences: You each have an amusing Internet dating story

10. The Finale: You both had fun and were relaxed and are looking forward to the next date. Ta Da!

 




Computer Dating: Hearts or Solitaire? Your deal, babe

Online Dating…once upon a time

Suddenly Single... Minded

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Once Upon a time, in 1966, the rage was a new trend called “Computer Dating”
.

Boxes of colored IBM punch cards and computers the size of a Volkswagen Bug

were de rigueur.

‘Matchmakers’ were considered old fashioned and passé. Having “Hal” the computer, do the work was the hot, new way to get boys and girls together. It was groovy and neat. Need a date for a hootenanny?


“Thousands of boys and girls who’ve never met plan weekends together, for now that punch-card dating’s here, can flings be far behind? And oh, it’s so right, baby. The Great God Computer has sent the word. Fate. Destiny. Go-go-go.”— Look Magazine, February 1966


Picky, Picky, Picky: Online dating peccadilloes

So what has changed since the thrilling 1960’s?  Today, there are dozens of studies analyzing every aspect of online dating, comparisons of dating sites, and coping with being Suddenly Single.   Analysis…

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You’re not that into me? Really?


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Helen of Tracy writes to Page Larkin: Help!

My friends are about as subtle as a hammer over the head.

 For my birthday, I received two copies of the bold and brash book, “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Having subsisted on a healthy diet of denial my entire life, I laughed at the coincidence.  Jokes were flying when I opened the third copy of the in-your-face reality check.

My two best friends, Jan and Lynne, both taunted me with, “See! We’re not the only ones. The majority rules and we all agree: Bobby just isn’t that into you.”

I’ve been getting the no-so-subtle message to move on and drop Bobby for the past three months from my friends and family.

But Bobby was just like the Frank Sinatra song, “I’ve Got You Under my Skin.” Maybe it was his absences that made him more attractive – and my heart grew fonder.

However, my friends had been campaigning for weeks for me to ditch the dude. How could I?  Bobby was an 8.6 on the Richter scale, and I knew when the earth moved.

I thought we had the perfect relationship.  His sales territory had him flying from Seattle to San Diego each month.  So we  saw  just enough of one another.

Who was it that said: men are like streetcars?  And to remember that ‘another one always comes along.’ Was it Mae West?

Well, in the Big City that’s not always the case.  Bobby and I met at a Zydeco dance party in Sausalito. We connected instantly. Kismet.  We dated for three months before he admitted there were any signs that he might have something called “Mis-placed affections.”  A term he conveniently coined. You’ll see.

We had evolved to the Assumed and Unspoken Saturday night date.   All my friends knew on Saturday night, I would not be available – I would be out with Bobby.  Then, one night it happened.

End: Part One

aka.  Dropped like a Hot Potato

or

He isn’t not that into you…Gorilla photo_2

And so it goes

Top 10 Places to Meet Women in San Francisco

photo_1875_20060814Where do you meet women in San Francisco?

Here are The Top 10 Places to Meet Women…

1. Say “Yes, yes, yes!” to any World Series, March Madness Events, Golf Tournaments party, Wine Tastings event, gathering celebration. 

2. Trader Joe’s,  Sunday from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m… (and Monday, Tuesday. Wednesday) Cue: ask a question – have you tried this cheese? wine? do you know how to pick out great apples? Smile at her.

3. Lectures: At the Herbst Theatre, JCC, USF, the Commonwealth Club, Litquake in October, Film festivals, World Affairs Council, etc.

4. SF JAZZ: Music, Restaurant, Bar – Get it?  So obvious – it speaks volumes.

5. Yoga classes: Hold on-Hands down, this has to be the best place to meet women, odds are generally 10 women to 1 guy… and women have a soft spot in their hearts (or soles ) for a guy who happens to wander into a yoga class. Do a little research and find beginner classes and start there. You will  thank me.

6. Bookstores: Hey, it’s where we hang out. Note: 67% of all books are sold to Single Women. You do the math.  We like to talk. Ask a question: “Is this author any good?”  or”Do you like ____?”  Remember: It all begins with a word…and a smile. 

7. Cupcake Shops: Okay, sweetie, so we indulge. Sit down, have a cup of coffee and engage.  Best question to ask? Try  “Which is your favorite?” or   “I want to buy my mom (sister, landlady, buddy)  a treat- what you suggest?”

8. Peet’s: women of a certain age preferred Peet’s over Starbucks and eschew Formica tabletops

9. Wine Shops: (Beltrammos, BevMo, Wine Impressions, etc ) Aren’t we all looking for the same thing? A decent Pinot noir and a bon soir? Women flock to Wine tastings…

10. On the Street:   In the elevator, walking into the store, in the well lit, safe, busy, parking lot, on the 38 Geary, after the movie,  at Ocean Beach, at the Sports Basement,  at church,  at dim sum, at Cafe Trieste, sampling at See’s,    wandering the aisles of Safeway, the farmers market, at Best Buy or the DMV …at the library….At any of the 3 the Andy Goldsworthy secret spots…in the waiting room…

Every single day – there are multiple opportunities to say: Hi, Hey, hello…

and the best line ever: Don’t I know you? ” (Yes, Really – the best line ever scripted)

 Guys, here’s a little secret... you might be happy with Sunday/Monday Night football, March Madness,  Golf, Nascar, and the myriad sport shows that are on every day on every channel… However,  girls, not so much.

After the World Series: Push away from the TV and go outside.

Now, get out there and play!



April Fool’s Day Celebrations: Whopee cushions banned?

Today is one of the funniest days in 2019.

No Excuses are required for pulling out that whoopee cushion, squirting boutonnière,  buzz ring and commencing with practical jokes. April Fools Day is the best day for pranks, jokes, gags and lots of laughs. Worldwide, today everyone has permission to pull out all stops for spoofs and satires. Look out.

Exuberant and Erroneous E-mails

Expect the predictable prank e-mails today announcing the usual gamut: Mitch McConnell  running for Pope; Naked Yoga from 4 AM to 7 AM; the chocolate Easter egg hoax: claims there are zero calories in Godiva and Sees chocolate Easter eggs- one day only, yesterday; Matt Whittaker reported to be dating Ann Coulter, Tucker Carlson said to be furious. It could happen.

St. Stupid’s Day Parade – Cancelled – due to lack of mirth- Gotcha! April Fools!


PicMonkey Image-26
The  Annual parade is filled with jolly jesters and comics who frolic, cavort, prance and dance. It is inspiring to see the risque revelers juxtaposed in the weary, dreary Financial District.

Don’t miss the “Stock Exchange” – my argyle for your knee high? The parade starts at 12 noon at the Embarcadero. Be there.

It’s not just an American thing

Practical jokes and April Fools mania is a worldwide celebration. Petty Pranksters in our Nation’s Capital really step up to the plate. Even the Economist – somewhat lugubrious and sober magazine  has a wild and crazy side and has analyzed pranks through the centuries.  Homer – no not Simpson, writes that Hermes( not the store)  has a sense of humor? Who knew?

Don’t fall for these 2019 top ten pranks, puns, and gags

  1. Earth shattering correction: USF  wins March Madness-rare bracket error discovered…

  2. Former Mayor Willie Brown – never met a micophone he didnt like- to enter priesthood and takes a vow of silence.
  3. Wells Fargo in hot water – takes a coach and goes south. All bets are off.
  4. Café Gratitude says “no, thanks” to raw food; plans to merge with KFC
  5. Baker’s Beach designated for Culinary Union members only. Baker’s toqued.
  6. Golden Gate Bridge Board announces new bridge toll: EIGHT dollars!
  7. Folsom Street leather bars go green: Please: Plether Only, chaps.
  8. Amoeba Records – Free giveaway: all Peter Pul and Mary tapes, records and CD’s- today only.
  9. Free Martinis Day at Doro’s, Vanessi’s and Paoli’s. Must show ID, Ego and Super ego.

10.    Madeleine L’Engle Plastic Surgery offices,  Wrinkle in Time, offers one-time only: laugh lines removal at Clown Alley offices only.

See: Who is St Stupid and where is that parade?

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go”                      

Oscar Wilde

All Photos Scott Beale Laughing Squid

Sweet Revenge turns sour?

Back in the Dating Scene Again?

Suddenly Single... Minded

Merriane was very angry that Matt gave her the,

“You are too good for me” line.

They had been dating – hot and heavy- for three months and she was sure he was “The One.” They got along famously in every room of the house. He could cook, clean, shop, do laundry and did his best work in the bedroom. She had no complaints. And no clue.

She laughed when she told her girlfriends she would revel in  a weekend of Chick Flicks and enjoy a lavish Menage a Trois – with Ben and Jerry. They knew she wasn’t kidding, The company had just introduced four new flavors: Truffle Kerfuffle, Urban Bourbon, Candy Bar Pie and Half Baked. She claimed it was Chocolate Therapy.

Merriane  thought she paper the neighborhood with Matt UNwanted posters. Or she might do a ‘Blog a Bitch’  about her ex-boyfriend. She decided upon a thinly veiled account: Dirty…

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Dating Games people play – Risk or Trivial Pursuit?



Looking for love in all the wrong sites…

Mike, 48, newly divorced, and Nancy, 40-something, met on his first day on Match.com.   His dating profile was posted for less than one hour before she contacted him.  Intrigued by her write up and photos, he replied, they spoke on the phone, met for a drink that night and were inseparable for 18 months. It happens.

Sorry

Then Mike decided to break up with Nancy. She wanted the ring, the white dress, the white picket fence and a new puppy for their new married lifestyle. She had extravagant ideas about redecorating his home, landscaping, and painting each room a special shade of moss green. They agreed her petite condo in the Marina was claustrophobic so, incrementally, she had moved half her wardrobe, her bike, blender, espresso-maker and drawers of cosmetics to his house.

He wasn’t 100% sure that he and Nancy were meant to be “lifers.”  Their long weekends and the mini-vacations to Aspen, Santa Fe, and New Orleans had met all of his needs. In time, he pulled away – travelling more for work and thinking seriously about “getting single again.”

Twister

After the inevitable, dramatic, breakup, he decided to try EHarmony. He soon met a number of women who shared his passion for the San Francisco opera, the symphony, jazz clubs and sushi.

At one point, he created a spreadsheet to keep track of the six women he was seeing.  He had a habit of going to the same three restaurants (Absinthe, La Folie and Perbacco) with all of this dates and decided it might be wise to expand his boundaries.

Trivial Pursuit

 He’d seen the movie, Blue Jasmine twice, had been to the new jazz club six times, and to the opera and symphony and decided to keep clean and concise Dating Records.   Two of the women he was seeing, Annie and Bonita, seemed to be “multi-daters” like him.  They both alluded to the fact they have been dating quite a bit since their respective divorces. Did they have spread sheets? Never mind, he did and it really helped keeping names and addresses straight.

Helene from Sausalito, flirtatious and bold, admitted to him that, post-divorce, her first stop was to 450 Sutter Street to a renowned plastic surgeon for  “the works.” Mike was too much of a gentleman to ask what she had done. However, he did notice there were no old photographs of her anywhere in her condo. After two month and many dates, Helene gracefully told him she just wanted to be “friends” and she cut him loose.

Another woman, Connie the broker from St Francis Wood stood him up on their date at Gary Danko. No text, no email, no call. No thanks.

Twixt

After eight months of serial dating and wooing, Mike grew tired of the chase.

He decided to call Nancy and see if she was willing to meet – perhaps pick up where they left off – with certain stipulations and caveats (no wedding bells to be included in the deal.)

Nancy answered on the first ring and gushed the exciting news that she was getting married in two weeks and then honeymooning in Bali with the love of her life, Charles! She wished him luck and good-bye and quickly returned to her wedding cake testing.

CLUE

The phone call with Nancy lasted less than two minutes and it took hours for him to process the news – her upcoming marriage – his loss – what had gone wrong – what were her issues? Did he have any issues? Certainly not –he was a perfect date, a perfect gentleman, and a successful businessman with top-drawer credentials. His first marriage lasted five years – it was most certainly her fault. She was demanding.

Mike decided he might try a new path and sign up for Chemistry.com  They claimed “their matches were carefully selected to have the potential to ignite some real chemistry in your life. Chemistry! His favorite game growing up…

Why not give it a try?

Games lubricate the body and the mind.       Benjamin Franklin

 

Do you have a really bad  “The Worst First Date?” nightmare or fiasco? Tell me about it.

Page.Larkin@gmail.com-

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