Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

A ribald note From Auntie Mame of Marin: Dating 101 advice

Suddenly Single

(Auntie Mame of Marin is a funny, out-spoken-yet gracious old gal of 80. She paints, does yoga, explores the hills and trails of Mt Tam with a bunch of old friends – every Wednesday. Once a Sausalito fixture – Trident and Ondines- she has stories. She is a fabulous cook, a marvelous hostess and does not suffer fools gladly. She readily offers colorful tales and free advice)

 

Dear Boys and Girls

I remember, a long time ago, when the dating code was all about baseball. The ‘Next Day’ question was, “Did he get to first base or strike out?

How has it changed in 50 years?

Now, when my five girl friends get together for our monthly Whine and Roses Salon, on the pretense of discussing current events, we boldly go where no one we know has gone before. We throw off the manacles of polite society- forget that – we go for candid and candor. None of that tiptoeing around for us.

And we quickly get down to basics, and put forth the un-ladylike, yet, very direct question: “Did you get any?”

Our brothers, uncles, cousins, buddies must’ve taught us the phrase and we cling to it like expensive Saran Wrap.

At over-70, we don’t want to hear about the amusing little Petit Syrah they sipped or the Brie they nibbled with sesame seed wafers.

Inquiring minds want to know and there is no pretense here. At this stage of the game, getting anything is a treat. So, the six of us are all ears (albeit some enhanced with tiny hearing aides).

Kitty is our fearless leader and has always tested the waters well before the rest of us. Heck, she was on Match.com 15 years ago. She met Mitch online and the two of them, too proper and too shy to even post their photographs, fell in love with each other over salt-water taffy, Vivaldi’s Bolero and an affinity for Peter Max.

Their rapid and ribald romance lasted five years and the rest of us girls lived vicariously through their trips to the Santa Fe Opera, romps at Harbin Hot Springs, and weekends at the Fairmont on Nob Hill or the Ritz-Carlton Laguna Nigel.

Sadly, Mitch died way too young and Kitty has always wished to replicate the storybook romance she had with Mitch. In time, she climbed right back on that horse and started active pursuit. Her active pursuit was fodder for many a raucous Whine and Roses Salon gatherings.

Kitty talked me into going to a Speed Dating for those 50+  last year. She explained to me that 50+ was not the speed limit, but merely an age demarcation.

My kids think it’s very funny that I admit to being a” Jack Benny 39.” They didn’t think it was funny that I actually dated a man 20 years my junior.  My motto is: “Life is short – I’m not – send the tall ones my way.”

My kids don’t think that’s funny either. I’ve never been a Betty Crocker mom.

Speed Dating at a Synagogue was a riot

Fueled by Sangria and hubris, my bold sidekick, Kitty and I perched on our tin folding chairs. We each met 15 men on that cold and foggy July night. Of the 15, eight were very nice guys, each with a special something…”that only a mother could like,” quipped Rachel, our greatest wit and detractor.

We are all in the third act, as it were.

I’ve thrown away the list for: tall, dark, handsome, brain surgeon- and have re-worked and re-invented My Perfect Date should possess: Great sense of humor, smart, polite,  cordial, kind, clever, and a good listener. And: Stays awake after dinner.

So, our Speed Dating Experiment resulted in two or three dates with a couple of men- and hours of ribald discussion at our Salon. Both guys were good sports and slipped into the “Just a pal” slot.

Kitty wanted me to join her next foray into Internet Dating… Her idea? Tiptoe on Tinder… Her young cousin, Martha, met the man of her dreams on Tinder and was now happily living a life of Riley in Carmel.

Who were we to doubt?

Besides, there is safety in numbers and courage in every bottle of Pinot Noir.

Love, Auntie Mame of Marin1379402_605872199472972_240031918_n

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Fun Summer Singles Events


Five Fun ways to celebrate summer for singles:

  • Get off the couch. Push away from the computer. Put the iPad, iPod, and iPhone down and go out. The only way you’re going to be seen is to go where the action is: that could be the BATS Improv at Fort Mason, Trader Joe’s, Peets, any one of the numerous local farmer’s market, Starbucks, Bakery Tartin, the Marina Safeway or Mission Cliffs Climbing Wall,
  • Cruising: Plan to take the Alameda Ferry to Rosenblum Cellars – wine in Alameda? You betcha! Great wines and a bonus: no driving or parking problems. Mark you calendar for Saturday, June 10, for Rosenblum’s  Wine Cruise. Members only – become a member…
  • Swing over to Redwood City – for Dancing in the Square– First stop: Check out the much talked about San Carlos hot spot The Refuge for the best pastrami sandwich ever and a cavalcade of choices of Belgian beers
  • Sparkle, sparkle, little twink: So, Fourth of July weekend is upon us — and offers multiple opportunities for parades, picnics, fairs and fireworks. Start planning a party or picnic.
  • Check out the small galaxy of stars coming out at the July 3 – July 7th Marin County Fair.
  • The Fourth of July weekend also offers delicious barbecues at Rancho Nicasio.
  • Improve on your Improv SEE: The BATS Main Stage Company  Bats perform at the Bayfront Theater in the Marina every Fri. & Sat. at 8pm.  (Look for Goldstar deals)

Cue: Fireworks

Make it your goal to have fireworks in your life this summer Remember: Say ‘yes’ to every ‘single’ invitation to Go Outside and Play.

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column — click the Subscribe button at the top of the page. San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com

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All Page Larkin Dating@50 Suddenly Single articles © 2019 by Page Larkin -reposts permitted with copy written notice and link to original article. All other rights reserved

Worst Date Ever? Yep.

road beside buildings

One of the worst dates. Ever.

We had agreed to meet at a place with “ambience and parking.”

I scored a parking place in front- arriving a few minutes early. We decided on trendy, watering hole downtown. Perched on a barstool, I waited. Twenty minutes later, a tall, gray haired man walked in. He didn’t resemble any of the photos I had seen online. However, he was 6’2 and was walking towards me, smiling.   He said, “Dear, you look just like your photo.”

I thought, “You don’t look a thing like yours. Dear.” He made no apology for being late.

He was wearing an old tweed jacket-probably from the 80’s that might have fit him then -not now. Chalk it up to: “Needs help.”  He suggested we move to the table in the small garden in the back. We we’re seated in a lovely area far removed from the bar. The waiter dropped off our drinks and we didn’t see him again.

 How we went from  – to his cholesterol, resting heart rate, daily exercise regime, and insomnia, I’ll never know.

On the dating profile, he indicated a passion for water sports, rowing, hiking and literature.

What he divulged was that his rowing took place in his living room-  on a machine looking at the water. He was a big Danielle Steele fan. His hikes were to and from the grocery store.

It didn’t take much to decipher we have very little in common. Although he displayed a great interest in my former husband.

Generally, my response is “That’s history.”  And I move on. However, Mr. Old Tweed Jacket was like a dog with a bone inquiring about my past. This  made him even less attractive.

I suggested we get the check and call it a day.  With no waiter insight, he suggested we simply walk out and not pay.

Then, I really knew I was with a loser.

On the way out, he went to the men’s room; I paid the bill.

As I said “Good luck,” (NOTE: that’s what women say when they have no intention of ever seeing the guy again)

 He indicated he like to “Do this again.”

I smiled, walked to my car, and drove off.    

“Not in a million years, dude!”

dead end road sign
Done!

 

Bee my honey…save the bees, please

Bee My MayBEE

Suddenly Single... Minded

bumble-bee-55264__340The Plight of the Bumblebee

Garner, a bachelor and environmentalist, loves honey and has one kitchen shelf lined with jars and bottles of the amber gold. For years, he has been dedicated to his sweet pursuit of the world’s best honey. Ironically, he’s also been questing for his sweetheart. As fate would have it, on Valentine’s Day, Garner met his honey and sweetheart, Lucy K, over a rooftop beehive in San Francisco.

Beehive and Behave …with the Real Queen Bee

According to an article regarding the plight of the honeybees, in the New York Times, “More than a quarter of the country’s 2.4 million bee colonies have been lost — tens of billions of bees, according to an estimate from the Apiary Inspectors of America.”

bee-4256031__340Why? Biologists are still scratching their heads wondering why.

While they scratched, Queen Bee, Cameo Wood, started a wonderful solution: Her Majesty’s Secret Beekeeper.

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The missing email in the ether ruins everything

Lost in Space – emails

Suddenly Single... Minded


You may have been have been “Lost in Space”…and didn’t even know it.  It happens.
In the wide, wonderful, world of online dating  e-mails, every once in awhile that very special pivotal electronic message gets lost in “Ether Space.”
It’s the Netherworld, that 10th Ring of Hell where, just like socks, e-mails go missing.
 What? Me, worry?
And, yes, dear- Online Dating Beginner… it has happened to you. You just didn’t realize it. What you considered to be a rejection or a rebuff,
in reality, may have simply been a “Triple E, an Ether Evaporated E-mail”.

Single in Sausalito, Rory,  wrote Bernadette  a beautifully crafted, romantic poem of epic proportions in response to her invitation for a weekend in the Wine Country.For two days, she patiently perched near her computer waiting for his response. Nada. Zilch. Zero response.

Bernadette sadly concluded Rory was ‘Not that into her.’

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Summer in the City – take me out to the ballgame, fair, museum…

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“Summer is a great time to visit art museums, which offer the refreshing rinse of swimming pools – only instead of cool water, you immerse yourself in art.” Jerry Saltz

giantsYou choose: The San Francisco Giants Baseball and the race for tickets or

San+Francisco

Check out the Free Days at San Francisco Bay Area Museums

Asian Art Museum 
Free – first Sunday of every month.

Bay Area Discovery Museum 
Free – first Wednesday of every month.

Berkeley Art Museum & Pacific Film Archive 
Free – first Thursday of every month. 
$7 – after 5pm every Friday

Burlingame Pez Museum 
Free – first Thursday of every month.

Cable Car Museum 
Free – always.

California Academy of Sciences 
Free – check calendar, SF resident days vary check calendar.

Cantor Arts Center 
Free – always.

Cartoon Art Museum 
Pay What You Wish – first Tuesday of every month.

Chabot Space & Science Center 
Free – first full weekend of every month for Bank of America Card Holders.

Check Out SF Family Pass 
Free – always, SF Public Library card holders check out the Family Pass for free admission to 24 attractions.

Children’s Creativity Museum 
Free – check calendar.

Chinese Historical Society of America 
Free – first Thursday of every month.

Conservatory of Flowers 
Free – first Tuesday of every month.

Contemporary Jewish Museum 
Free – first Tuesday of every month, check calendar, first full weekend of every month for Bank of America Card Holders. 
$5 – after 5pm every Thursday.

de Young 
Free – first Tuesday of every month, first full weekend of every month for Bank of America Card Holders.

Exploratorium 
Free – check calendar.

Japanese Tea Garden San Francsico 
Free – every Monday, Wednesday, Friday 9-10am.

LACIS Museum of Lace and Textiles 
Free – always.

Legion of Honor 
Free – first Tuesday of every month, first full weekend of every month for Bank of America Card Holders.

Marin History Museum 
Free – always.
Musee Mecanique 
Free – always.

Museo ItaloAmericano 
Free – always.

Museum of the African Diaspora 
Free – check calendar.

Museum of American Heritage 
Free – always.

Museum of Anthropology 
Free – closed until fall 2015 for renovations.

Museum of Craft and Design 
Free – first Tuesday of every month

Museum of Performance and Design 
Free – always.

Oakland Museum of California 
Free – first Sunday of every month, ages 18 & under every Friday 5-9pm. 
Half Price – every Friday 5-9pm.

Randall Museum 
Free – always

San Francisco Art Institute 
Free – always.

San Francisco Botanical Garden 
Free – every morning 7:30-9am, second Tuesday of every month, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years.

San Francisco Fire Department Museum 
Free – always.

SF Camerawork 
Free – always.

San Francisco Museum of Modern Art 
Free – closed until 2016 for expansion.

SFO Museum 
Free – always.

San Francisco Railway Museum 
Free – always.

San Francisco Zoo 
Free – check calendar (residents only).

San Jose Museum of Art 
Free – check calendar, first full weekend of every month for Bank of America Card Holders. 
$5 – after 5pm third Thursday of every month.

San Jose Institute of Contemporary Art 
Free – always.

San Mateo County History Museum 
Free – first Friday of every month.

Sake Museum 
Free – always

.
Tech Museum of Innovation 
Free – first full weekend of every month for Bank of America Card Holders 
Half Price – last hour of every day.

Third Thursdays in Yerba Buena 
Free – third Thursday of every month, 5-10pm, Yerba Buena museums and neighborhood venues.

Wells Fargo History Museum 
Free – always.

Yerba Buena Center for the Arts 
Free – first Tuesday of every month.

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Go, Giants!

http://www.sanfrancisco.giants.mlb.com

<ouch!> Parking at At&T park is $35

 

Dating Games people play – Risk or Trivial Pursuit?

Oh, the games people play!

Suddenly Single... Minded



Looking for love in all the wrong sites…

Mike, 48, newly divorced, and Nancy, 40-something, met on his first day on Match.com.   His dating profile was posted for less than one hour before she contacted him.  Intrigued by her write up and photos, he replied, they spoke on the phone, met for a drink that night and were inseparable for 18 months. It happens.

Sorry

Then Mike decided to break up with Nancy. She wanted the ring, the white dress, the white picket fence and a new puppy for their new married lifestyle. She had extravagant ideas about redecorating his home, landscaping, and painting each room a special shade of moss green. They agreed her petite condo in the Marina was claustrophobic so, incrementally, she had moved half her wardrobe, her bike, blender, espresso-maker and drawers of cosmetics to his house.

He wasn’t 100% sure that he and Nancy…

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How to quit that Dating Site?

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Thanks to Lisa in Livermore:

“Back away from the mouse…

That was the clever way my therapist told me I wasted too much time pursuing and perusing men on the Internet.
She said the two hours I spent, every day, scouring on-line dating sites could be better spent. And if I removed all the karmic energy I was wasting on not loving myself first, the right man would follow.

And so it goes…

I felt like a reformed alcoholic emptying bottles of booze, one after another, as I clicked away and quit the three Internet dating sites I had subscribed to for six months.

Goodbye to Ivy.com guaranteed to meet a fellow Ivy Leaguer. My ill-fated claim to fame – I didn’t meet one man from Penn State, but did meet one from ( wait for it ) the state pen.

I said ov vey, good-bye and mazel tov to my stable of dead-end flirtations at JDate, the Jewish dating service.

Parting is such sweet sorrow

Finally, I disassociated myself with my very favorite site “DatesRus.com”
I’d met Paul, Nick, John, Mike 1 and Mike 2 and Chuck on DatesRus.  It had been a veritable gold mine for first dates…a few second dates… and buckets of  first kisses.

However, after the first dates – it was generally a dead end. I’d gotten really good at first dates. I’d honed the necessary skills to appear fascinated and had developed great eye contact.

My friends tease me that I had perfected the affected Nancy Regan stare.

Now, I won’t admit to being addicted to the chase, the flirting,  the bon mots flying, however…I will admit I spent a lot of time looking…and then, looking again.

I sounded like Chauncey Gardener. Bad sign.

And, wouldn’t you know it?

Three weeks after Dating De-Tox and pushing away from the gilded mouse / trap…  I met Tim at the Safeway in Livermore.

Turns out, we both like Ben and Jerry ice cream and we  bumped into one another at the freezer section.  There is no California law against lightly bumping into a man’s grocery cart. The irony being that my first really hot date started at the coolest place.  Avoid the Mouse Trap – get out and flirt like a Chunky Monkey.

In Love, Lisa”

“One should want only one thing

and want it constantly.”    

Andre Gide

Happy Birthday, Golden Gate Bridge

May 27, 1937…The grand opening of the Golden Gate bridge!

Suddenly Single... Minded



May 27, 1937 The Grand Opening
“San Francisco is one of the great cultural plateaus of the world — one of the really urbane communities in the United States — one of the truly cosmopolitan places and for many, many years, it always has had a warm welcome for human beings from all over the world.” –

Duke Ellington

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lUUnN7VGSoWZ3noefeH7_Baker Beach-12

San Francisco: “A city is where you can sign a petition, boo the chief justice, fish off a pier, gaze at a hippopotamus, buy a flower at the corner, or get a good hamburger or a bad girl at 4 A.M.

A city is where sirens make white streaks of sound in the sky and foghorns speak in dark grays.

San Francisco is such a city.”

Herb Caen

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How to successfully quit a dating site

Stop! Online Dating – want to escape? Leave no trace….

Suddenly Single... Minded

photo_21523_20120317

Geoff, the Stanford bachelor, 59, thought it would be clever to select a Tarzan moniker for his online dating profile name.

His first foray into online dating was on the free site, Plenty of Fish. He trawled around for two months exchanging e-mails, scanning photos and profiles while seeking another dancer in San Mateo who was spiritual and open to a polyamorous setup. After 20 dead-end coffee dates, he quit the site and enrolled on Match.com.

One day, he self-Googled (Do this today) his old dating nickname and saw Plenty of Fish had posted his old profile for the world to see. Later, he found out that Match.com and AOL-love shared dating profiles on their sites.  A little more investigation, he found out that his profile on Match is owned by the giant IAC who owns Chemistry.com, OkCupid, Ourtime.com, DemocraticPeopleMeet, Republican People Meet, and a 25  other dating…

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