Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Brave enough? Meeting the Fokkers on Thanksgiving?

Don’t be a turkey…

Suddenly Single... Minded


 Turkey:  Rhymes with Dysfunction

Do you dare bring a date home for Thanksgiving – to meet the family?

Imagine the smell of the turkeyroasting in the oven and the sight of luscious pumpkin pies and plump mincemeat pies sitting on the buffet. Cubes of yellow butter melting on mounds of steaming mashed potatoes. The dining room aglow with orange votive candles and a massive centerpiece of fall colored chrysanthemums gracing the table.

Dishes piled with green beans and sweet carrot soufflé, bowls of ruby red cranberries, and pomegranates and tangerines all crowded on the kitchen counter. A veritable food festival with friends and family –and, some ‘Strangers in the night.

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Monica in Sacramento writes last year she was graced with, “A cast of cousins straight out of Central Casting, Seven Dwarves style: Grumpy, Dopey, Snarky, Chatty, Smokey, Sneezey, and Boozy.”

George in San Jose  revealed he…

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Deja Vu all over again – dating the one who got away

IF at first you do not succeed…Date Date Date again.

Suddenly Single... Minded

ties-756226__180The Déjà vu Date, also referred to as a the “Re Date” is a dating phenomenon widely embraced by singles today.

Dusting off your little black book and reconnecting with people you’ve dated in the past, is now deemed both smart and comfortable, as well as a ‘no-brainer’ and for a ‘Second chance at love.’

Webster might define a Deja vu date as an active verb with legs: “An engagement to go out socially, again, with a person from your past, as in: someone you dated – previously. Second chance.”

One Date Wonders

Everyone knows there are myriad reasons dating couples break up, split up, detach and disappear. It smacks of Goldilocks: too hard, too soft, too weird or just too the-timing-was-not-right.

There are a million stories in the dated city.
The concept of a Re Date introduces the benefit of already knowing a person and realizing, perhaps you were…

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Men at 50 – confused and crazed by women at 50?

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Inquiring Men Want to Know
: This week brings questions from men about serial dating, flirting and frustration. I endeavor to answer the questions as best as I can. Send your questions, queries, and quibbles to page.larkin@gmail.com

 

Dear Page

My friends say I’m like the guy in the movie Network who screams “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” I’m really frustrated. I have been on three different dating sites in three years. No luck. I keep meeting women who send old photos, who lie about their age and smoking and who don’t seem to have an Emotional IQ   Is it me?

Just like Peter Finch

Dear Just Like Peter Finch,

While nobody said it was going to be easy, online dating should be fun, at best. Sorry to hear about your tribulations. Don’t give up.  Be more direct in your profile stating an interest in self-awareness, altruism, personal motivation, and the ability to love. Try again.

Peace, Page

Dear Page Larkin,

I’m 63, retired, divorced, healthy and look and feel the best ever. My new girlfriend is 55 and  hot. There is one drawback: she’s what you call a serial dater. She’s a gal with the ‘kennel of doggie bags’ in the refrigerator. She goes out almost every night- not with me. She is only free on Wednesday nights. Am I wasting my time?

Berkeley Bob

Dear Berkeley Bob,

If you are “girlfriend” is dating three other men each week, sit down; she’s just not that into you. She is obviously playing the field and, Bob, you’re not on her roster. It’s time to move on, and try greener pastures-you deserve better.

Peace, Page

Hey, Larkin,

I read your piece about ‘Men are like Champagne.’ Well, my experience says women are like eels. You can’t get a handle on them and they get away.

Morgan Hill Mike

Hey, Morgan,

Good point. There are 1 million stories ‘in The Dated City’ and just as many metaphors. Following the whole fishing metaphor: I’d say the more lines you put in the water, the better your luck. See: Dating 101: Catch and Release. Have fun out there. Remember, online dating is a number’s game – and you have to get in the game to win.

Peace, Page

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at page.larkin@gmail.com.

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column- Click, click, Click the Subscribe button.photo_2787_20070814

 

Reading between the lines on online dating profiles?

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Expect a little: “To Tell the Truth”  a bit of  “I’ve Got a Secret”  and some “Dark Shadows”

Dating Soap Operas:

Reading dating profiles on Eharmony, Match.com, or Tinder can be dizzying. As you wade through a minefield of clichés and brags, you wonder how to decipher this barrage of data. Is there some kind of code? Where do you get a romance Rosetta stone?

The answer? Read between the lines and take it all with a grain of salt. Okay, maybe a shaker of salt.


Due diligence and deciphering

Steven D. wrote that he ‘hailed from the citrus belt of California’  (Orange County, Republican). He reads the New Yorker and legal stuff (lawyer).

He loves debating (argumentative) and says his two kids are his best friends (uh-oh.)  He says he’s tired of restaurants (cheap) and prefers TV dinners on the couch (yawn)  In his profile photo, taken from afar,  Steven D. commits a grave error by wearing the egregious hat and sunglasses (hiding: bad hair, no hair, squinty eyes, tattoos). More red flags.



To Tell the Truth

Ricki  writes that she ‘likes Jenga and Scrabble‘ (couch potato) and her cats.  She says she is s “A  big woman, with a big heart and big fun.” No mystery there; Mickey’s candid photograph indicates the same. Give her credit: she is honest and to the point.

‘Walter Mitty Mike’ should be a fiction writer

Despite his friend’s protestations, Mike writes that he is “a doctor with three North Bay offices; he collects old cars, has a place in the mountains, and  a pied-a-terre in the City, in addition, he collects French wines.”

His best friends will tell you, actually, the veterinarian business is slow, so Mike works three days a week all over Petaluma and Novato; he drives a great old truck; has a Rambler and a Corvair; and he has a big tent, in the summer, above Truckee. His place in the City? He camps out with a buddy in a studio apartment in SOMA, where the two like to party and paint the town beige. Mike likes a good story and tells one — after another.

Someone has to tell him Ménage a Trois is not a French wine. And, that there is a time and place for everything.

photo_6972_20080817“I am a Barbie Doll”  writes her entire profile in uppercase letters.

Those in the know say, beware: possible anger issues here.  Barbie says she’s “spontaneous to a fault” (red flags flashing). This generally translates to disorganized, ditzy, and unpredictable. All are qualities some men might … cherish. Or not. Clever Barbie writes she is looking for a Ken doll with a Maserati…or Porsche…Millionaire.com didn’t work out for her. Tsk.

There are a lot of stories in “The Dated City”

Remember: Honesty is the best policy and the truth will set you free — and help you avoid embarrassing situations. Give online dating a whirl and have fun out there.

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column — click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.
San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner Page Larkin welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at: Page.Larkin@gmail.com

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Girls…in San Francisco

Girls in San Francisco – the Good Old Daze?

Suddenly Single... Minded

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The Girls – SFO

We were twenty-something: dreamy, hopeful, and optimistic. As children, we were told we could do anything and “be someone.”  We were fraught with no dates, too many dates, boring boyfriends – exciting trysts – which ended in hours of analysis with roommates over wine coolers, Double-stuffed Oreos or Sara Lee cakes.

 Unlike Girls  on the popular HBO TV show, we wore robes, kimonos, baby dolls, negligees, and cover-ups. Nude? Not so much. Our speech was peppered with “Gag me with a spoon,” and “Righteous,” and  “Like, totally.”

 As girls, our cooking repertoire defaulted to Lean Cuisine, Hamburger Helper, the miracles of Cheez Whiz, and Bisquick. We drank Tab, frozen daiquiris and Cosmopolitans.

 We shopped at Joseph Magnin’s then slipped into Blum’s for a slice of Coffee Crunch cake. We popped into the exquisite, green- marble, ladies room at I. Magnin. We hiked over to…

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Dating newbie? Bewitched, bothered and bewildered?

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Dreams – the stuff Dates are based upon…

 

Yes, Binkie, it is true:  “Dating at 50” can be a challenge – in the best of times.

 You already discovered there is no harmony on eHarmony? And a long time ago found that Craigslist was a nightmare of creepy/anonymous “Not-my-types?”

Perhaps Match.com linked you up with the wacky, too thin, too hyper ballerina or shock- jock like Charlie Sheen- who actually need Two and Half Men in white coats? Swiping on Tinder can give you whiplash or depression.

Okay, so dating and developing your social networking 2018 has not been a laughing matter.

Who Moved My Rules?

Since your very First Date of Yore- the Rules of Dating have changed dramatically. If you remember San Francisco’s randy fern-bar days (Henry Africa’s, Thomas Lord’s, and Paoli’s) and you are A Classic “Re-enter and Suddenly Single in San Francisco Dater”

Buckle up, it is going to be a bumpy ride.

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First of all, the Dating Playing Field you remember is no longer level and things have gotten a whole lot faster.  (And the uniforms are really short!) Don’t even start to talk about scoring and making points. You will have to adjust and get up to speed. There are hundreds of websites comparing, contrasting and social networks (Dating Sites) for you to explore.

Dating 2018 versus Dating 20 Years Ago

Once upon a time, you may have known the pace, the place, and the attire and could do all Three Modes of Communication: pithy, banter, and clever repartee.

Update: 2018 The once revered Art of Conversation has been pushed off the pedestal to make room for text messaging, e-mail, swiping, smart phones, and, smile, you are on Skype. Don’t get me started on Tinder.

So Many Books, So Little Time

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man has shards of wisdom scattered throughout. Stroll down the aisles of your library and pick up three or four dating books.(Dating for Dummies is really a treasure trove. As is, the classic : He is Just Not That Into You 

The best selling dating how-to-book, The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right is a lark and a laugh and is peppered with some pretty good ideas for dating at 50.

Hot Tips: Get off the couch and out of the house. Don’t waste time on a dead-end relationship. Notice the red flags and move on. Whoever asks, pays.

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And, if things get dicey, remember those two magic words, ‘Check, please!”

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin,welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com.

Don’t miss – a single Page Larkin column – click the Subscribe button.love computer

“I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks.”

Daniel Boone

Confused

Sugar n spice or frogs and snails? Boys vs. girls on the dance floor

And the ladies begin the Beguine….

What are little boys made of?  What about little girls: Sugar and spice and everything nice?

The Dance of the Sexes: The Evite said come to a dance- filled experiment in “Sexual Energy Escape.”

Sixty  people showed up to a makeshift Berkeley ballroom in a funky warehouse space to participate in the dance event. Thirty men and thirty women, all 40 to 50-something, by invitation only – facilitated by dancer, Rainbea Kanyon.

How do you begin the Beguine?  

Our host, a barefoot Amazon with a wild halo of blonde frizzy hair, wore a simple muslin chemise over an incredible muscular and toned body. As floods of people arrived and checked coats, we were told: no talking, remove our shoes, hydrate continually and commence dancing. C’est fini.

On the dance floor…

May I have this Dance?

Start dancing? In a bizarre turn of events, the men gravitated to one side – women on another. The music was a mélange– Keith Jarrett segued into the Rolling Stones, Satie, and Sinatra, blended into Techno followed by a slice of Lawrence Welk then hip-hop. Chubby Checker’s “Let’s Twist Again”  lit up the room everyone went wild and laughed. Michael Jackson hits then  Joan Jett & The Black Hearts sang “I Love Rock & Roll” followed by “Spirit In The Sky” – Norman Greenbaum. There was never a moment of silence. Nor could you anticipate the eclectic music.

And the fans go wild

The music changed and became more drum oriented, the men naturally started in what looked like war dances, rain dances, conga lines, stomping, doing a kind of Samoan chest thumping, with big, bold gestures.


As music became more animated – loud drums pulsing and hypnotic- first two- then 10 men began crawling- on- their -bellies- like reptillies – two men shoulder to shoulder, forming a snake were slithering around the dance floor. Laughing….We women were amused and confused. How did this cadre of men – total strangers – end up bonding and slithering?

Girls just want to have fun

Women wafted, soft-shoed, floated, were jazzy, sexy and did salsa, hula and rhumba; we did a whole lot of swaying, shimmy and shimmer. Men jumped, stomped, pranced, and war danced, several tried break dancing.                    

Dancing fools~~~~

The men were stealing the show.     

The music changed, again, and the men were high energy, brio, bravado, and gusto.  As a rule, the women were tripping the light fantastic, doing a bit of ballet, belly dancing, jete, some threw in a little yoga, a dash of Pilates, even some Jazzercise reared its ugly head. Rainbeau encouraged, inspired, motivated, and vitalized the group.

Everyone appeared to be having fun – the men, on the other side, appeared to be having way more fun. Rainbea told us to form a   a circle and we danced, lugging,smiling, flirting and everyone dissolved into couples…

Men and women on the dance floor of life – so much more fun heart -to -heart and holding hands.

What is the Secret to happiness? Low Expectations?


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Humorist Dave Barry said:

“What women want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held.

What men want: Tickets to the World Series.

 

Listen to what she says on the first date, Binkie

Truth be told…just listen…

Suddenly Single... Minded

The truth is loud and clear – Just Listen

Ted confided he hadn’t been on a date in a very long time.

His Match.com account was filled with the cobwebs of inactivity. He tried Tinder and didn’t get swiped or swept away. Out of the blue, Kiki K.of SF   reached out to him and started a dialogue. They exchanged a few emails – she was new in town, lost – didnt know where the cool bars and godd restaurants were. She wondered if he could help. Could he? Oh, yeah.

She invited him over to her apartment – and aplogized in advance, she was moving and things and were topsy-turvey. She lived in the Haight. Well, he thought, perhaps in the better part…He arrived and drove around for awhile before a small sliver of a parking space appeared. After “helloes”  she explained she was nervous- had some anxiety issues…

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Dear Page Larkin: Help with online dating

Dear Page,

Help! I’ve had three “first dates” with three different women who all came on like gangbusters. I met each for a drink at a quiet bar on Geary Boulevard. I am a prince when it comes to easing into conversations. Each of these women “Cut to the chase” within three minutes of nice to meet you-How was your day-where do you work-small talk.

Wanda One want to know how I felt about Collin Kaepernick and the Bob Woodward’s book, “Fear.”

Tessie Two, ordered the glass of water (really?) That was a first.  She asked me, within minutes, why my most recent relationship failed and where I saw myself in five years. I sipped my Chardonnay, swirled around the glass a bit and looked at her. I smiled at her and asked her how her day was.

I can tap dance around questions à la Fred Astaire-but these  women were so off-putting. It took a while for them to settle down and put their ironclad agendas aside.

The grand finale, (I was noticing a trend) 

 Tessie Three seemed lovely and polite; however, within the first five minutes she asked me just how deeply I had fallen in love and what were my true intentions with online dating?  Finally, she asked if I’ve ever cheated. And, why.

All this before “What’s your major; do you come here often; and, what do you do for living?”

I’m thinking each  these women (in their 30’s) exhibited a quiet desperation (Procreation time clock ticking?) and want to spend as little time as possible in the romance dance.  What’s up with this new tactic? 

Shocked on San Bruno

Dear Shocked San Bruno

As it turns out, some deem small talk and initial a public conversation a waste of time. I’ve met women who insist life is short and they have no reason to tiptoe around- they want to test the guy first.

Dealing is not a test; it’s more like a dance where one meets, converses, ascertains. If there’s a connection,  bombarding anybody with personal questions at first light is more than just impolite.

I’m convinced she’s out there keep looking, San Bruno

Love,  Page

Dear Page Larkin,

I have been single-divorced for five years. At first, dating again was fun. I met the good, the bad, and the ugh. I dated a dozen different guys before I met a very special man. We went steady for year. Gradually, the façade cracked bigtime and I clearly realized he wasn’t “the one.”

Now that I’m back in the dating pool, I’ve met several men who have asked me the most personal /intense questions regarding my failed marriage-my goals and aspirations-last relationship challenges. I’m shocked. What happened to getting to know you?  Is this a new trend – or just plain rude?

Leilani in Hilo

Dear Leilani in Hilo,

You’re not the first to  comment about this attack dog technique on first dates. I’ve met a number of people who feel they don’t want to waste time on a dead-end date. Why would you even show up for a coffee date, if you think there’s a possibility of the person being a dead-end? Why would you ask deep personal questions unless you want to alienate the person?

More people are won over by courteous and thoughtful manners- than aggressive behavior.  Have fun out there!

Love, Page

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Top 10 Trump Tragedies

Yikes!

Myammy! Moving in together at 50...

Thanks, Bill Moyers

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1.Delaying Protection from Pollutants

The EPA proposed delaying for two years an Obama-era rule that would have cracked down on pollutants from drilling operations that contribute to climate change and endanger people’s health.
2. Letting Women and Girls Down

President Trump reportedly plans to let the White House Council on Women and Girls go dark citing budget cuts and redundancies. The office, established to monitor policy changes and collaborate with women’s groups, is untenanted while the administration considers its future status, according to Politico.

The administration also announced this week that they will scrap a rule aimed at preventing pay discrimination.
3. Gutting Teen Pregnancy Prevention Programs

The Trump administration is completely defunding the nationwide Teen Pregnancy Prevention Program, cutting $213 million in assistance that supports roughly 1.2 million teenagers across the country.

Also, the administration recently removed a 2014 report on sexual violence from the…

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