Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

His ex-wife ruined our first date!

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San Francisco First Date: Shock and Awe?

We met online, exchanged e-mails and  agreed to meet.

Don was funny and we shared several interests. What the heck, he lived in the City, was single, my age, height and weight… we were “a match.” Kind of.

He was much funnier on paper. And taller…

We met at the St. Francis Hotel. San Francisco natives know that “Meet me under the clock at the St. Francis,” has been the beginning of dates and trysts for decades.

We met and amiably walked upstairs to the lobby bar. Easy conversation flowed. We were having fun. Then came the obligatory, first date question, “Why did you divorce?”

My answer was easy and well rehearsed, “It wasn’t the lying, drinking, cheating it was the snoring.” Ba da Bing!

His answer was far more complicated.

His wife of 20 years had developed a “What you did wrong this week” list. Evidently, every Friday she would sit him down and present him with a list of his faults, shortcomings and flaws.

Really? Someone would do that?

Twisted Sister a.k.a. one sick puppy

She sounded very sick. Mean. Spiteful. I did 60 seconds of aghast.  Then he asked me if I had heard of a local newspaper columnist. I did. I loved her writing and clipped a few of her columns.

She was his Ex-wife. Ms. Merry San Francisco, full of advice, was the author of weekly poison pen lists.

I couldn’t decide if I felt sorry for him or more shocked that my idol was promptly shoved off the pedestal and relegated to a sicko, mean girl.

I couldn’t even imagine the weekly excoriating.

Gradually, we moved past the ugly truth of his painful marriage and moved to happier, lighter topics. He had numerous interests. Had seen the recent MOMA and the de Young exhibit and loved the small art galleries on Sutter Street. We both loved Litquake, film festivals and Indian food.

It was a fun two hours, however, hovering over us with the black cloud of the angry Ex: the evil wife with a penchant for Friday night fright.

We saw each other a few times; he was so over her and had moved on. I couldn’t dismiss the abhorrent image of the cruel kitchen table attacks. Years later, we are still very good pals.

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“A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.”          Jim Samuels

Saga

EH? eHarmony and learning the ropes

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Learning the Ropes on eHarmony. One man’s story:

Dear Page Larkin,

You suggested trying two online dating sites. Two weeks ago, I signed up for eHarmony. I paid $60 for a one-month trial.

I heard they ask hundreds of questions- and then present you with a Personality analysis (The Book of You) and dates! You mentioned they spend a lot of time listing your virtues and assets. I didn’t have that experience

Ouch! eHarmony hurts- like a fortune cookie

Not one to stand on ceremony, after carefully answering the first 50 questions, I whipped through next few hundred questions and posted those all-important pictures; I played 20 Questions – wrote the mini essays (My favorite books, my favorite movies, my favorite mentor, etc.) paid the big bucks, was ready to go.

 First off: EHarmony wrote a book about me… Called “The Book of Mike”

These are the actual opening remarks from EHarmony:

You know what, Mike? This entire paragraph could be written out completely using, “blah blah blah” but it doesn’t. You are keen and aware to notice that there’s a lot more here than just fluff. Let’s explore it!”

  • Your perspective is very colorful because of your curiosity too. You are Original, Bold,  and Out-of-touch.

The six-page synopsis of “Me” seemed to be in written by somebody just learning American English in New Delhi. “Blah-blah-blah?”

The clumsy writing- resembling fifth grader- was laughable. Except, I didn’t laugh. Being Bold, Cold, Quirky and Insensitive my humor had dissipated.

  • Do you carry sunshine in a bag when it rains? (What?)
  • You gather information from books.

In this barrage of nonsense, non-sequiturs, and poorly written parlance my very favorite line was   “Did your parents expect you’d be walking the streets of Hollywood?”

theme park sideshowFour words come to mind, “What are you smoking?”

eHarmony – the giant, should have a sophisticated computer like “Hal” with those highly touted 29 Dimensions and famous “algorithms.”

They claim responsibility for 542 marriages a day through its “scientific approach.” The questionnaire bored me (i.e. Are crows feet cute? Do you walk around naked? Does Chocolate fix everything?)

I waded through the babble – discounted all the inane comments and started reviewing all the “Perfect Matches” selected for me. I look at pictures, I am a guy.

Ten women were dazzling –I sent each a note and sat back and waited. And waited. Still waiting. Turns out five  of them are no longer on EH – go figure?

Never again – tough lesson learned,

Mike, 52, Single,  SF- with a big bag of sunshine

EHARM

 

 Thanks, Mike!

Wish I could say your letter is the first I have received with this complaint. It’s not. Men and women have both ranted and raved about Corporate EH and the obvious ‘outsourcing babble’ they produce under the auspices of accurate information. Thank you for sharing.         Peace, Page

 

dead-end-777__180Learning

Puffy Daddy and the Blonde

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I was way too early for an appointment.

I had time to kill, so I watched this much younger blonde try to pick up an older, puffy guy with the bad dye job and fake tan.

Sitting at the window, I watched as he pulled up to the restaurant in the big red Maserati and walk into the cafe like he owned the joint.

He spotted her across the room- she threw him a big wave (here I am!) He had a swagger in his stride. He plopped into the chair.  She was beaming. They appeared to exchange pleasantries. This girl was dripping with sugar. He snapped his fingers for the waiter. The kid behind the counter, looked perplexed and walked over. Imperiously, he ordered Fish-o-filet. The kid said he could have a tuna sandwich. The man ordered, “a chocolate milkshake – shaken not stirred.” Really? 

She actually glowed as she watched him. Her posture changed and she leaned in and seemed to hang on his every word. He was cavalier- talked loudly and was very animated. He gave off an aura of who gives a damn.

Curious, I walk by the couple on the way to the loo and heard her say, “You are so powerful.”

“Yes, I am,” he agreed.

Schlock and Awe

On my way back.  I stopped near the couple to study the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass poster on the wall.

She was hughly fawning all over Puffy Daddy with the Howdy Doody hair. She had crossed and uncrossed her legs several times since I started nonchalantly peering.

The Love Fest continued and I overheard her say, “We’ve always been friendly.” He agreed.

Mr. Bluster and Miss Sleep to the Top? 

I slipped into a chair nearby and pretended to tie my shoe- I didn’t think they would notice I was wearing clogs.

He said “Hey, Babe, what’s your real name?”

She said her father, a doctor in Alabama, wanted to call her OB GYN and her mother changed it to Meg GYN

She bragged she was a rebellious teenager and that   she dropped a “g.”

“That’s what I thought’” he said.

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Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition, my appointment arrived and we had a lot to talk about.

 

I met John Miller on Millionaire Match.com

photo_21517_20120317-2I met ‘John Miller’ on Millionaire Match.com

Years ago, I joined MillionaireMatch when friends encouraged me to take a risk. They thought it would be hysterical to try this site. It was.

I posted the requisite three photos, listed my likes and filled out the silly questionnaire and sat back and waited for floods of moneymakers to show up.

Rather than a flood, I had a trickle of flirtations.

The first man to contact me was, John Miller, a real New Yorker. He had that brusque, Bronxy, braggadocio style.

His first e-mail to me was “Hey! Baby!”

I failed to be impressed and deleted it. A day later, John Miller wrote again, this time he used words and indicated he was in Public Relations was “tremendously well off financially” and also worked in real estate.

Curious, I asked him about his experience with online dating.

He wrote that he didn’t really need dates. He said actresses and movie stars were often after him and he’d been ‘doing very well in every way’ since getting divorced, months earlier.

I then asked about his friends and he bragged that the “radio star” Howard Stern was a good friend. Ugh.

Interestingly enough, he never once he asked me a single question.

He was quite forthcoming with information and said he never dated a woman who was “a dog or a slob.” He also offered that he ‘greatly respected women.’ Really?

In a very weak moment, I agreed to speak with him on the phone.

He spoke the same way he wrote… that New York cadence – however, he was more cocky and arrogant than I ever anticipated.

John Miller  said he dated a parade of models but he thought that a California girl with a couple of degrees from those big West Coast schools would be impressive. I mentioned I was very busy working on a large project, hiring a team of executives. He said he’d be perfect for the job- any job- he was that talented.

He wanted to fly me out to the East Coast so we could get to know one another better.

Not only was I hesitant, I was disinterested. In no time, he dropped down into classic crude and lewd references. Next!

As I said goodbye to John Miller, he protested and asked if didn’t want to hire him to be one of my executives. Lewd references followed.

Hire him?

You’re fired!

 

South

Tom Hanks – I’ve got a crush on you – be my hologram

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I slogged through most of the book on tape,  A Hologram for the King,  and retuned it to the library. Next!

However, I saw the Trailer for the film, starring Tom Hanks and was sold!  I dashed over to the theater. For all intents and purposes, the theater was filled with single women.

As a rule, all women love Everyman, Tom Hanks. He is cute funny, glib, like the (we wish) The man next door ( san wife. )  We loved him in so many movies – see here

Throughout the film,  we laughed, we swooned, we felt  his pain and and were delighted when he skipped the harlot and fell in love with – well, you’ll see.

Go see A Hologram for the King

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‘Worst of the Week’ dating sites?

Two Scams- to tawdry for words?

Suddenly Single... Minded

Two Online Dating Sites to Avoid aka  The “Two Worst of the Week” Dating sites.

One is so bad – you have to laugh, the second is all about fabulous, world-wide, glamorous traveling for free. No, really.

Caveat Emptor: Scams, swindles and grifters are very prevalent on dating sites.indexmonyeeeeee

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

A cursory glance at the MillionaireMatch (MM) website tells all.

Claiming to be the place: “Where all the pro pro-athletes, rich – yet- busy – doctors and all the  very successful CEOs go for…” Romance and Relationship and it is  “... easy for the millionaires, whose busy lifestyle leaves little time to meet people conventionally, to find ideal partners online.” Who knew? 

Just How Much is a Million Dollars in 2016?

For the record- A Millionaire on MM is defined by anyone making approximately, about, around $150,000. Or less.

And, yes, for $39 a…

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Oh, boy! There are boys in San Francisco – uh oh!

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Person connecting and sharing using social media networks

San Francisco: No Country for Old Men?

Fact: Floods of People of Color are exiting San Francisco at an alarming rate.

Fact: Scores of men from TagFut are moving to the City to pay $3000+ rents.

Run! TAGFUT* is here!  (*Twitter, Apple, Google, Facebook, Uber, Tesla)

Who are these men coming to San Francisco in droves ? Could this be like the 1848 Gold Rush where the streets of San Francisco were lined with randy, party loving, dancing, prancing men with gold in their pockets?

Er, not so much.  The gold in their pockets, yes.

The sad story about the population of locals evaporating and explosion of TagFut Males Techies (Single, Asian/ White, under 35)  moving in-  creates ire. Millennials who grew up in San Francisco resent the fact that they cannot rent in the City,  that their  favorite bars, restaurants, and cafés are taken over by these pseudo-hipsters who have a lot more dinero than they do. And, the girls aren’t happy either!

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 Sure, there is a  trickle of  female techies-  who bemoan the fact  that these nerdy guys with a whole lotta money, don’t know from flirting and are totally lacking in social savvy.  Hence, their predilection for Yelping every restaurant, bar  and cleaners in San Francisco.  A  girls got to do, what a girls got a do.

Yelp couldn’t be happier.

The best analysis of the Travesty Techies taking over the city is found here See: Priceonomics

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Where do you find a manly man? An intelligent guy with some humor, wit, panache and manners? Looking for a great guy who is both kind and sensitive enough to be able to ‘read’ you and smart enough to ‘get’ you? It is part luck and part serendipity.

Be open and you could meet the love of your life. It happens

Catch his eye – catch his heart: Look up, look around, smile more, say ‘hey’ more often. Just do it: sign up for  a free 7-day trial on an online Dating site. Get off the couch, push away from the computer and go outside and play.

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“I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death.”      

Thomas Paine

Diverse

Where are all the guys in San Francisco?

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Donde esta los muchachos?

Dear Page Larkin

I went to the movie Friday afternoon and the room was filled with women. No, it wasn’t a chick flick. It was Batman vs Superman Then, I went to a Pinot Noir wine tasting at Whole Foods. We were 75% single women and 25% couples.

Rick’s Wine Bar looks like a sorority party. I can’t bring myself to attend NASCAR or cigar bars.

Where are all the boys?

I went to a trendy, cool, church-nope, all gray-haired ladies – pretty much.

Then I went to Bed Bath and Beyond on Sunday – it was like a wedding shower- the aisles were filled with women, girls, ladies, shopping for linens and things.

Is it me, or is it San Francisco? This is like living in the world of the Amazons.

By mistake, I went to Union Street.  Really popular Singles Bars used to be the rage -way back when . It was packed with 20 to 30-year-old, drunk, Rrat boys high-fiving one another and measuring virility/maturity by the number of sake bombs they were throwing back.

Where are the big boys?

I went to Valencia Street- and was inundated with couples going to all the trendy- fabulous-darling restaurants. The Good Vibrations emporium was teeming with women, go figure.

Where did all the single guys go?

From Fresno to Frisco and Frustrated

 

Dear From Fresno to Frisco…

Brava! You have done due diligence and make keen observations.

A guy has got to eat – linger in the aisles at Safeway, Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, and Rainbow  Grocery-you get the idea. Smile. Say “hey.”

Many happy women say they met many happy men at the Golden State Warrior and SF Giants games – the perfect recipe for meeting people of the opposite sex: winning teams, sky high excitement, mutual passion for Pence, Posey, Pagan….Curry, Klay….

You’re right, guys are not in bookstores, yoga classes, or cake decorating classes – they should be – that’s where women go.

 

Tip of the day: See Top 10 Places Meet Men 

 

Breakfast

“There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”

Steven Wright

 

 

 

Happy Mothers…happy day…memories

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“A mother’s happiness is like a beacon,

lighting up the future

but reflected also on the past

in the guise of fond memories.”

Honore de Balzac

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Thanks for the memories

San Francisco dates: Uber Lyfts and Critical Mass

Dear Page Larkin- Dating Questions and Quandaries

Suddenly Single... Minded

86c6d473f7731b47c906d7286f46417dDear Page Larkin,

I fell hard and fast for a woman I met on OKCupid. She’s the polar opposite of my “ideal woman.” I will admit I’m a Kardashian fan- and that is my “goal girl.” All of a sudden I am with a short, perky, redhead who thinks I’m “all that.” What do you think?

Head in the clouds

Dear Head in the clouds,

I think you’re very lucky to meet a woman who thinks you’re “all that.”

Peace and Love, Page

dead-end-777__180Dear Page,

I met a guy for a drink and he arrived on his bicycle  and was likable. We had a few things in common and were both comfortable with one another. We agreed to meet Saturday at the Disney Museum.  Friday night, I saw him on the TV news- he was the star the Critical Mass fiasco- he was hitting a car with his helmet. It was…

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