Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Look before you leap on a Long Distance Date

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Leaving on a Jet plane?    
Long Distance Dates on his turf

Jenny was smitten. She met Romantic Ronnie on a popular dating site. His photos, funny observations and pictures of his new Porsche overshadowed the fact that he lived two time zones away. She said she loved his writing and all his pictures. She shared many of his passions (movies, Madmen and 600 count sheets) Truth be told: she was hot to trot.

Jenny had been in an out of too many sour relationships and was ready for fun, romance, and passion.

After a handful of emails, they spoke on the phone. He was a big flirt, and he said, “Come to Atlanta, Sugar – I’ll show you the town.” (He didn’t say, “Let me buy you an airline ticket and I will graciously pay for your hotel room.”) Her friends told her to slow down, to ask more questions, to Google the guy, get to know him – more than via text messages, emails and a few phone calls.

She wanted to go the distance

She had tons of frequent flyer miles, her cousin lived outside of Atlanta, and she was confident that Ronnie was all that he claimed to be: single, a long distance runner, a gourmet, a  CPA, and a Tulane graduate.

Jenny’s expensive lesson is a lesson for one and all. She threw caution to the wind and flew to Atlanta against all advice from friends and colleagues. Romantic Ronnie met her at the airport with flowers, which didn’t disguise the fact that he was much heavier than his photos; he drove a Ford truck (the Porsche was in the shop) and took her to TGIF for dinner.

He drank two Long Island Teas while she sipped a Diet Coke. Initially, Ronnie was a charming Southern gentleman, by the second drink he was a boor. His active flirting with the waitress was the crowning blow.  She excused herself, and on the way to the ladies room, asked hostess to call a cab to take her to her hotel.

She graciously informed Ronnie that she was going to her hotel and she would call in the morning. He protested. He suggested she stay at his house. He wanted know the name of her hotel.  She kissed him on the cheek and left. The long, expensive cab ride to her hotel gave her plenty of time to dissect her experience with Ronnie. Her friends had been right. She had moved too quickly and made an expensive mistake. She called her cousin and arranged to see her the following day. She would send a polite “Dear John” email to Ronnie and end that chapter.


Top 5 Tips for Long Distance Dates

Long distance dates are rife with challenges. Be safe, be smart and plan ahead.

  1. Always stay in a hotel. Can’t afford a hotel? Don’t go.
  2. Never, ever stay in the other person’s home.
  3. Upon Arrival: Take taxi /rental car to get to and from the airport. Never, ever get into a car with someone you’ve never met. Can you say Ted Bundy?
  4. I’ve got a secret:  be sane: There is no reason to reveal the name of your hotel until you are 100% certain your date is a Boy Scout. (Trustworthy, loyal, honest…)
  5. Keep Safe: It’s a date, not a fashion show. No jewelry required. Keep your valuables in the hotel safe. Or at home.


Tell All:
on every first date  – in San Francisco –  or out of state –  be sure to inform several friends/family where you are going, staying, and the name and address of the person you are meeting. Yes, even coffee dates. Tell a friend.

Can you Afford this Date? You do the math. Figure it out: roundtrip plane ticket, taxi to and from hotel, meals, and hotel charges.  Then tabulate how much time are you willing to spend on a long distance romance?

Jenny used to say all the good men in San Francisco were taken.

She changed her mind before she landed at SFO. Lesson learned.

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Top 5: What Not to Write: Dating Profiles


Happy New Year: Don’t Make These Top 5 Mistakes

Annie, divorced and single long enough – decided to try online dating. Filled with optimism and excitement, she proceeded. After one week of exploring online dating, she found there were “Five Kinds of  Guys with Issues” she totally avoided.

 1.  The Grump: This dictator writes: “Your picture better be from this year; your height and weight had better be accurate-mine is!  Or: “I’m active and virile, I only date younger women.” (Better living through chemistry Mr. Smart and 70?) or: “Don’t be an empty nest whiner looking for me to cheer you up”.

Dear Mr. Grump: Please go out for a run; meditate; write poetry; ride your bike on Baby Heads Hill… Chill. Using your one chance to impress a woman and sounding like a grumpy old man is a surefire buzz kill. Ciao, adios, see ya!

2. Mr. “Must Have” Shopping List Maker  Annie noticed that many men had “Shopping lists” when it came to the woman they wanted to date…

Some of the “Must Have Shopping Lists” read like this:

  • You must like the great outdoors and camping and bonfires
  • You must like putting on a little black dress and go dancing with me
  • You must like entertaining my friends and being spontaneous
  • You must be ready to leave on an trip at the drop of a hat
  • You must better prefer me over your friends
  • You better like jogging, sailing, biking, hiking, and kayaking, spelunking…
  • You must be a tomboy not “a girly girl”

      You Must Be Kidding 

#3 Mr. Rambler He writes and writes – ad nauseam; extolling his virtues, attempting to be clever and witty, enumerating his degrees, experiences, education, homes – in the past 40 years. Note : After the third paragraph, certainly most women would defer to Too Long To Read. Remember: Brevity is the soul of wit.

#4. Mr. I’ve Got Nothing: So I’ll show you bunch of pictures. This man, not a writer, decides to overcompensate and post 20 pictures of the great outdoors: sky, sea, birds, rocks, and trees. This buzz kill  ploy is deemed very boring. And, posting photographs of yourself as  a child, or with your 10 best friends or  you clad in  sunglasses and a hat? Don’t even think about it.  Call all of the above a Dead-end streetAsk a friend, neighbor, child to take  three good photos of you.

Note: Hire a writer to help you.

#5. Mr. So What if I live 3000 Miles Away- you are cute. Annie was astounded by the number of men who lived on the East Coast or Seattle or Albuquerque who wanted IM or Skype with her. Chances of impetuous coffee date, a walk along the water, with somebody in Seattle/San Diego – not going to happen. Sorry, Charlie.

Chip and Skip, two randy bachelors in Seattle, claim the women in

San Francisco are all prettier, thinner, healthier than their Seattle sisters.

So these two guys troll the 94127 zip code hoping to IM or Skype their California dreaming girls.

Good Luck with that.

 
What Works?

No Grumps Allowed; No Goofy Pictures with sun glasses and hats;

No College Essay length postings bragging about your myriad accomplishments;

No Ex-bashing – or Bragging.

Try Succinct, Sweet, Kind – It works  every time, with the right person.

ilove u_-9

 

New member of the “Not Married Now” club?

coffee-mugs-datte_180Every day there are tons of new members in the

Not Married Now Club.

We walk out of the courtroom glazed, delighted, defeated, feeling numb or ecstatic and newly appointed: divorced.

Some of us throw a party – replete with champagne and pizza – or darts and beer. Others take to their beds, and watch a full season of OccupiedBroadchurch, or Happy Valley on Netflix, barely paying attention.

Some are already enmeshed in a new relationship and seek sex, refuge and understanding.

Whatever your state (grace, confusion, ire, relief) take the proper amount of processing time.

When you are ready, gently remove and discard the shroud around your heart. It may take awhile. Or not.

Next, shred the mountains of documents and go outside.

cropped_Ocean_Beach

Go Outside:  Watch the sunrise, take a walk, enjoy/join humanity in your new identity as a Single Person : Suddenly Single Not Married Now. Free at last.

Feeling odd and out of sorts or splendid?

Take your time to return to a social whirlwind or even to a small gust of activity. Even though 50% of us have walked through the valley of divorce, like snowflakes: no two are alike.

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My friend once confided that her neighbor was going to the exact same divorce scenario as I had endured. Really?

She pleaded for me to consult with her neighbor. I reluctantly agreed – we spoke on the phone-indeed, there were a striking number of similarities.

Girls, we aim to please – it is what we do. (Oprah calls it as “The Disease to Please) I agreed to meet Jaquie for coffee.

She had six months of divorce filings, co-parenting, and attorney meetings under her belt. Evidently, I was considered “An Expert Witness” with years worth of E-Ticket divorce-land experience.

Snowflakes

She came to the coffee shop with her boyfriend, Clive, whose picture I had just seen on Match.com.

He stayed just a minute, said he was, “Going to pop out and go shopping.” Yes, he did shop around.

Jaquie and I fell into an easy conversation as similar as we were – we were worlds apart.

She’s been married for 9.75 years and her father-in-law was a multi-millionaire. He had invented Post-it notes or glue 0r something very significant.

She reported she had huge financial resources and that she might go back to school and become a pastry chef. She and Clive had been together for three months and she was quite smitten.

(I checked later that day, Clever Clive was alive and looking on Match.com) Red flag, sweetheart!

The more we spoke, the quicker the similarities evaporated. Our differences expanded like those skinny sponges – simply add water and, bingo! You don’t even recognize the original, flat concept. She was on her own path. Ta, ta!

Keep your divorce to yourself

Good friends may inquire about your divorce. There is no reason to bore them with the details. So, hire a therapist. Level with your therapist. Take a spinning class – do all kinds of catharsis, but don’t bore your friends and family.

Welcome to The Club

And know: when you walk into the store, the library, or the post office: 50% of the people in line are also divorced… and that group at Starbucks, and that class you are taking? Yep, truth be told: 50%.

Carpe diem, darlin. Welcome to the club, You are not alone,fireweolslsls

 

Learn the ropes of Internet Dating at the next

“Page Larkin- Get Your Dating Mojo Moving” Workship

page.larkin@gmail.com

Twenty 19 – Happy New Year – Here we go!

2019!

Suddenly Single... Minded

Expect FireworksExpect Fireworks

Love,  hope, and optimism – in 2019 – Are you resolved?

New Resolutions are a good thing and January is the best time for making new friends, dates, and acquaintances.

Get in the game, kid!  You’re not get meet anyone sitting on the couch.

Get up. Get out and get the New Year on.

Carbon Dating- Speed Dating- Blind Dating

Twenty 19: Try a new online dating site( Tinder, Bumble,  Bustle- hustle?)  Join a walking, running, hiking, biking  group or take up badminton, Pilates, ping-pong, spelunking or even skydiving.

Remember, “NEW”  is good.

In January, gyms are rabid  about enrollment and have super-special-offers and promotions.

Shop for a great deal and read the fine print. 

See Meetup.com and Urban Diversion for a huge repertory of  very diverse, fun events, groups, and venues.

12976723_938278239620573_3130681427071263250_oOver-achieving Not Required – 

It’s not necessary to leap tall buildings in a single bound.  In Twenty…

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Top 15 Best Ideas for New / Unusual Dates

 

If you’re alive, you can’t be bored in San Francisco.

  If you’re not alive, San Francisco will bring you to life. 

William Saroyan

Bad dates are dime a dozen.

Great dates should be inspired, creative, and fun. The old, “Meet me at Starbucks,” is bland and boring.  Take it up a notch and get creative- go native, son! Jump on a trampoline, party with the people at the Bay to Breakers, try a Flight-of- pies…

Here are the Top 15 Best Ideas for New and Unusual Dates

in San Francisco

  1. Best slice of pizza date: Nizarios On Geary Boulevard
  2. Best coffee and pie date: Park Chow near Golden gate Park
  3. Best run, run, as fast as you can: Bay to Breakers on Sunday
  4. Best Blues show: Earl Thomas – Saturday night at Biscuit and Blues
  5. Best trampoline date: House of Air in the Presidio
  6. Best hang out in the ‘hood: explore West Portal – have lunch, see movie, shop, walk to the beach.
  7. Best what music do you like date: Amoeba Records on Haight
  8. Best speakeasy date: Bourbon and Branch
  9. Best long walk on the beach: Ocean Beach at Fulton Street
  10. Best donut and coffee date: Dynamo Donuts
  11. Best French bakery- latte and croissants division: Tartine
  12. Best beginner dance class- West Coast Swing division- Kelly Buckwalter
  13. Best eye exam date:  Site for Sore Eyes in West Portal ($59)
  14. Best sweetheart date: The Candy Store on Vallejo at Polk Street.
  15. Best Oh, you kid! Toy store date: The Ark on Sacramento Street

San Francisco is cool, hip, fun, diverse – you have no excuse to be anything but the same – get out there and have fun!

“San Francisco is one of the great cultural plateaus of the world — one of the really urbane communities in the United States — one of the truly cosmopolitan places and for many, many years, it always has had a warm welcome for human beings from all over the world.” –     Duke Ellington

palace-of-fine-arts-530060__180-3

Merry Christmas

Top Ten Ways to get a Kick out of Christmas

Ho…ho…ho…

Suddenly Single... Minded

My_Dates_Match-1-web Not exactly what you were looking for?

Feeling like a Donder or a Blitzen?

Kick that habit – it’s time to  have yourself a merry little Christmas and kick up your heels, Cupid.


Page
Larkin’s Top 10 Ways to Get a Kick Out of the Christmas Holiday

1. Say ‘Merry Christmas’ to everyone. Bah, humbug to the PC ‘happy holiday’ malarkey. Go ahead, say Merry Christmas to the people on the bus, the doorman, the waitress, barista, the taxi driver the clerk, the MUNI driver, the people in the elevator and everyone! What goes around…

2. Wear red. It’s fun, it’s festive and red-quired. Come on, don your red apparel. Everyone should wear at least one red article of clothing. No Santa hats unless you are under 18. Donate the old 75% off, Christmas sweater you got at Mervyns, to the less fortunate. Go, Red!

3. MemorizeA Visit from…

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Wear Mistletoe – wear red and Flirt early and often

HOT TIP: Forget about wearing a sprig of Holly… Pin a sprig of mistletoe to your hat, coat, purse,…and be prepared!

Suddenly Single... Minded

indexmistellletoeoeoeNow is really the Time to Flirt and Have Happy Holidays

If ever there was a time to be jolly and bright – now is the time.

Starting today: smile and say “Hey” to five people (read: persons of the opposite sex sans wedding ring). Repeat. Daily. Speak to people in line, at the store, on MUNI, in a cafe. Smile…

pumps-15Resolve to have fun this holiday season, start today. Wear red – red socks, sweaters, scarves, hats, gloves, pants…lingerie…you get the idea…red is a hot and sexy color – as are all people who wear red. It is a well-known fact.

Over 30?  Skip the Santa Hat. Please.

Get mistletoe – wear it on your lapel, on your hat- and hang it over every door you can …

I say play hard and work soft. Flirt often and carry a big smile.

Say hey, hey, hey at:…

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No L-o-v-e? Facebook says Christmas is break up time

candles-3798374__340

Tis the season to be jolly  HOWEVER, According to Facebook, 

it’s the War of the Roses time and breaking up is de rigueur.

Research done by the elves at Facebook reveals that Christmastime can be called ‘Merry EX-miss.’

So, are you: Single and Afraid of Another Silent Night?

Finding yourself Suddenly Single can make the Christmas holiday a totally new, sometimes unsettling experience. These can be the times that try men’s and women’s souls, stamina, and spirit. 

Business Insider reveals that David McCandless did the due diligence on ‘Yuletide dating and breaking up’ by examining trends on Facebook. Research indicates breaking up at the holiday season is a so-called tradition.

christmas-1684548__340

Blue Christmas, indeed. And, you don’t even want to know about Mondays.  Is there really such a thing as Empirical evidence from Facebook? Who says if it’s from Facebook, it’s got to be true?


If your December dilemma

Once you were  half-of-a-couple, now you find yourself flying solo – what do you do? Get off the couch, push away from the computer and go out and play. Wear red. Listen to Christmas carols. Invest in mistletoe and wear a sprig on your lapel or on your hat.  

Scour the San Francisco Chronicle for events, read Marin’s Pacific Sun  for fun events; read Johnny Fun Cheap.

 Say ‘yes’ to every invitation to go out; go dancing; see the beautiful decorations on Union Square; master the art of making latkes; learn the words to ‘Mele Kalikimaka‘; throw a Christmas party – at home, with friends, in a small café or a pub.

cupidGot Dates?

A passel of people (see movie: Love Actually) who find themselves in the dreaded  ‘kiss-free mistletoe zone’  actively seek out sweethearts for the season. These pro-active romantics re-up on Match.com, Craigslist, Eharmony, or Plenty of Fish.

valentine-1213612__180Follow suit: they smile and say, “Merry Christmas” to everyone – especially at Trader Joe’s, Bryan’s, Safeway and default to jolly and bright.

Some say ‘Lose the Santa hat‘ and lead with a hearty “Merry Christmas.”

(Don’t waste one minute debating the PC-ness of wishing everybody a “MC”)

And, don’t let a Facebook statistic get in the way of having a holly-jolly holiday.

Your mother was right: Go outside and play!

person holding a wine glasses

Merry Merry

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin,welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com

The Top 10 Rules of The Manly Men

From the Vault….

We’ve seen all the “Rule Books” on dating, mating, flirting, and living – written by women.

At last a guy, Mr. ANON, has taken the time to write create this:

‘”A List of Rules From the Manly Man Point of View”

Note: Because these are the Manly Men Rules they are all numbered ‘#1.’ for a purpose ~ each: is equally as important.

 

1. Men are not mind readers. We are rugged, brawny, handsome and handy – we just don’t have the ESP gene – spell it o-u-t, sweetheart.

1. Sunday Sports are of the highest importance. They’re like the full moon, or the stars, the sky – our True North. It’s not the day to drag us to mall and make us hold your suitcase-sized purse as you try on 15 pair of identical black slacks. We crave Sunday Sports – be a sport – and hand us the remote control, please.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work. Strong, loud, hints don’t work. Call us primitive – it is obvious your soft, cute little hints are not effective. You don’t ask – you don’t get…

1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. We are succinct. Especially during commercials.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you really want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy, gossip, chatting endlessly are what your wonderful girlfriends are for. Use them.

1. Memories: Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you might be – or you are looking for a compliment… and reassurance…first check a mirror, then come to us…and, Never on a Sunday.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we really meant the other one. Honest.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. If you want company and camaraderie – ask us. After you’ve called your girl friends.

1. Commercial Value: whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the TV commercials.

1.Following our bliss ~ Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions and pride prevents us from breaking the mold. Work with us—that’s why God invented maps and GPS.

1. The Color of the Wind: All men see in only 16 colors, like the Windows default settings. Men all know Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. Chartreuse is a drink…we are a little color blind.

1. If we ask ‘what is wrong’ and you say ‘nothing,’ we will act like nothing’s wrong. Of course, we know you are less than honest, but, darlin, it’s just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question that you really don’t want an answer to, Girl up, and expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. Skirting the issue: when we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about ~~unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football. Or Golf. Baseball. Tennis. Ping Pong. Bowling. Biking. Hiking. Rowing. Camping.

Thank you for reading this. (The author writes: “Yeah, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight…manly men really don’t mind that… It’s just like camping. But different. Sweet dreams. See you in the morning? Right? Those jeans really make you look thin. Really.”

xxoo

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