Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Are you a Raya Reject? Join the club

Making the Raya Cut- The hip connector for creative types

Emily – 40+, (former ski bunny, model, sail boat captainess, chef extraordinare) is a very attractive woman.

She has been around the block with online dating sites  and was on a “social sabbatical.” Then, she heard about Raya. The exclusive, haughty for hotties-only site. Sadly, thousands of people have been RAYA-jected from the $8.00 a month dating site.

The You Must Have List for memebership is long: You must be hip and hot and have 1000 Instagram followers; a Raya-enrolled friend must “refer” you and no dullards or dotards need apply- you must have an interesting occupation (doctor, tailor, candlestick maker?)

Are you a Barbie or a Barney?

Ask-Jean_Which-Is-Worse-UV-Rays-or-Self-Tanner-Ingredients_TRU1283105-2Araya designs BaBy Toys

pexels-photo-219619.jpeg Cellestte is a photo-GRAPHER

Our Friend Emily went to work and  “liked” several hundred more Instagram folks in a matter of hours, and her numbers of followers crept up and well over 2000. Bam!       She reached out and touched a lot of people…she was looking for a Raya Royal (aka  Raya member.) Within two hours she had tracked down friends of friends: two sisters – both members – both happy to promote her. Double Bam! They gave her ‘scoops and warnings.” The New York Times said Raya rejects 92% of the applicants…fortunately, our Emily is very connected and stunning and driven.

It took time. She threw her head back and laughed when the sisters told her a committeee of 500 would vote her on or off the island. Just like high school: when the Junior and Senior girls (aka Mean Girls) would deem who would be popular.

Finally, Selected!  

Haute to Trot…she downloaded the app and away she went to …the farthest thing from a ray a sunshine. Her new friends said – tongue in cheek – Raya is for famous people like Amy Schumer.  Didn’t she meet that infamous, moody guy, who went from  waiter to chef around Martha’s Vineyard?  Who knows?

Emily spent hours cruising…looking…seeking- she kept seeing the word ‘classy.’ Her mother told her, a long time ago, people who use the word – aren’t. 

She says she started playing the violin at five, was in the famed Girl’s Choir, studied both opera and ballet one summer -nevermind where….or for how long – it all looked good on paper.

Within days, Emily was seeing a lot of Paris Hilton types…she guessed she was accepted as a novelty…her daddy was also very successful…she said she attended Stanford ( indeed: a summer school class on film) and Punaho Prep in Honolulu – like Obama – (a summer school romp.)

Meat Market or Meet Market? The jury is out and ‘Emily with the razzle dazzle lifestyle’  (certainly not her real name) is treading lightly.

Not one to put all her eggs in one basket…Emily is still on the prowl….

 

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Celebrating Scott Pruitt departing, finally

Scott Pruitt Resigns….

Suddenly Single... Minded







And the Evil Resigns! 

Scott Pruitt, the EX administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency,

 once dined with top executives from Southern Company, one of the nation’s largest coal-burning electric utilities,

at Equinox, a white-tablecloth favorite of Washington power brokers.

That evening, it was on to BLT Prime, a steakhouse inside the Trump International Hotel in Washington,

for a meal with the board of directors of Alliance Resource Partners,

a coal-mining giant whose chief

executive donated nearly $2 million to help elect President Trump.

Today the  swamp got drained a tiny bit

 

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Her idea of a great date? Eating?

Diana changed her name to Lady Di when she signed up for online dating sites.            At first, she played cute and flirty. She listed a ton of fun activities (copied from the Bay Guardian) and posted an obscure photo of herself.  She was delighted with the flood of attention. She responded to each and every wink, note, and query.  She found 50% were dead-ends: no response. Quelle bummer.

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On a whim,  she listed her Top 10 Favorite Places in San Francisco. There was no mention of Golden Gate Park, museums, cafes or bars, special events, the Presidio, Chinatown, DogPatch or the SF Giants. This is whot she wrote:

My Top 10 Places

1. Neighbor Bakehouse = Cinammon Almond Bostock
2. B Patisserie = Choco-yum-croissant
3. Zanze’s Cheesecake = The Classic Cheesecake
4. Ariscault = All Yummy Croissants
5. Yasukochis Japantown = 1960’s Classic Coffee Crunch Cake
6. Chili Pies Baking Co.= Berry, Chococlate, Every Pie
7. Dynamo Donuts = Famed Decadent Donuts
8. Golden Gate Bakery = Egg Tart to die for
9. Mr Holmes Bakehouse = The Famous Cruffin, 
10. La Luna Cupcakes = Six Pack Cupcakes
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Lady Di said very few men responded to her lovingly created and curated list. And she was perplexed. She thought, for sure, her long list would attract somebody of a like mind. Zip. Nada. Zero.

When we met for the first appointment, she admitted to the dead end she hit with her sharing of her food passion. She was very perplexed and had no idea what she had done “wrong.” When I asked Lady Di what her favorite activities were, without hesitation, she admitted “Eating.”

Her weekends were dedicated to exploring new restaurants, ice cream stores, and bakeries. She really had no use for exercise, sporting events, touring, biking, or long walks. 

We spent an hour digging deep looking for other interests. She used to knit, used to ride bikes, went to Napa wine tastings, had dance lessons and  attended multiple sporting events and, one day: she didn’t. Getting Diana to admit to what the pivotal event was to turn her from (30 lbs lighter) an active, outgoing woman to a “Foodie,” ws the result of two more meetings.

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to be continued…

 

The Exodus…Are men are giving up the chase?

And! They’re off!

Suddenly Single... Minded

There is an Exodus happening.

Legions of men across the nation are folding up their tents, are quitting the Dating Game, and are going home to Bachelorville. They are resigned to a lifetime of single, solo, solitary- man- time.

Talk to Single Men of an Age:  The report is in: Some men readily admit say they are victims of excruciating divorces…followed by years of  disappointing experiences on the dating post divorce scene.

The readers have spoken and  say: A lot of divorced men 50+  try dating again… many after hiatus of 10 or 20 or 30 years.  Many lament that dating today is so fast and foreign – they are having a hard time getting a leg up.

Some men simply say dating and  the chase isn’t worth the bother. They say “the  dating game” is  time consuming and too high maintenance.  They claim can’t remember the pace – what…

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Dating Hoax 101:Hooked by a Catfish

hope

She said she was 42, divorced, amorous, available and waiting for Mr. Right.

Her pictures were stunning – she was a tall, lanky, brunette – often posing in clothing befitting a lingerie model. That was sexy – yet, strange –as she said she was trained as an attorney. She readily admitted she only had a few clients- very wealthy clients – who flew her to their resort-like homes for consultations. She practiced Business Law.

And she didn’t like to talk about her profession.

On the free dating website, her name is Venus. She loves the beach, puppies, NCIS, negligees, chocolates and roses. As a rule, after the exchange of two emails she generally gives out her phone number. She is very friendly and flirty.

Mike met Venus online five years ago and they have been chatting on the phone ever since. He is married – his wife doesn’t understand him. Mike would really like to meet her in person – however, Venus is always in court. He understands – she is very famous. He lives in Wyoming. He is in love with Venus and is willing to wait.

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Tim met Venus online six months ago. He is ready to move from Texas to San Francisco to be near her. He is a mechanic- and wants to work at Tesla.  They talk on phone every day. Her Skype is broken. Darn. He wants to fly out and take her to dinner at “A fancy place in Frisco – her choice.” She tells him – she would love it – when the big case is over. Her last case took two years to settle. He can’t wait to see her penthouse in the Marina District of San Francisco – it has views of “all the bridges” and she can hear “the trolleys” and smell the French Bread being baked. Tim hangs on her every word.

Tim is trusting and in love. Not a computer -guy – he would never think of Googling Venus – her law firm, her home address with all those classic San Francisco treats. Hence, the successful masquerade by Venus.

As Fate would have it: Venus (aka Janice B.) lives in Fremont. She is single/never married, 55, and for a month, was a nanny for an attorney and his wife. She is a clerk at Kohl’s. She is clever, lonely and really good at “spinning yarns”  according to her sister whose hesitates to call Janice a liar. In five years, Janice has met and engaged – over the phone and texting- with two dozen men online. She has never met any of the men in person.

Buyer Beware: There are schools of scammers called Catfish – who pretend to be something they aren’t…lying is second nature and there are no ethics involved. Think: Web of lies

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Catfish: verb: To be baited by a person ‘trolling/trawling the internet – pretending to be someone thery aren’t.

Dr Phil has done a public service show – exposing these Catfish scam artists.  See Here: 

See: Catfish definition

See the MTV Show Catfish

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The most common lie is that which one lies to himself; lying to others is relatively an exception.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Listen to what she says on the first date, Binkie

The truth is loud and clear – Just Listen

Ted confided he hadn’t been on a date in a very long time.

His Match.com account was filled with the cobwebs of inactivity. He tried Tinder and didn’t get swiped or swept away. Out of the blue, Kiki K.of SF   reached out to him and started a dialogue. They exchanged a few emails – she was new in town, lost – didnt know where the cool bars and godd restaurants were. She wondered if he could help. Could he? Oh, yeah!

She invited him over to her apartment – and aplogized in advance, she was moving and things and were topsy turvey. She lived in the Haight. Well, he thought, perhaps in the better part…He arrived and drove around for awhile before a small sliver of parking appeared. After “helloes”  she explained she was nervous- had some anxiety issues. He thought “Who doesn’t?” After she “tidied up” they sat her cafe table, each chair was covered with clothing, a stack papers, a bag of kitty litter…

He noticed Kiki ( 50-ish, slim, dressed in black, no make up, no jewelry) didn’t ask him any questions. She gushed tell-tale information, clues galore – and Ted was so enchanted to be in  a conversation with a pretty woman he wasn’t really listening  She readily offered her life in San Francisco has been a bomb. She wasn’t happy. She did “some binge drinking” and – so slim – wasn’t eating. Huge, neon, red flags were waving all around the room with each disclosure. Ted didn’t want to see them. Her long list of things she hated was not too off-putting; who didn’t like loud neighbors, traffic, landlords?

However, when Kiki disclosed what she did to “all of the above,” he took note. She left cat poop at her neighbors front door. She wrote hate letters to the apartment owner, she spray painted the garage.

Ted was growing uncomfortable. This was more of a therapy appointment than a date.

Kiki asked him for a ride to the DMV in Daly City. He knew the SF DMV was mere blocks away and mentioned it. She grew agitated and said the people there were all morons.

A lightening bolt of reality finally hit Ted and he knew it was time to escape. Fast. A lousy liar, he looked at his watch and said he had to move his car. She said, “I will come with!” and Ted nervously said, “No. I had better go. There is something I have to do.” He got up quickly, walked towards to door, mumbled “Nice-to-meet-you-good luck-with-everything-have-a-nice-day.” He did the run-walk-run and didn’t listen to whatever she was screaming at him.

 

Flirting with random acts of kindess – oh, yeah!

Goal: Flirt Five Times a Day

Suddenly Single... Minded

“All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness, and others by sense”.

Rochefoucauld

George– a real flirt – He is known to  buys bags of Hershey Kisses and says he drops one or two off on tables of interesting women at the library, Peet’s or various cafes- when he is strolling through. George is famous for giving away free kisses and smiles.

Parking Karma Katie always has a pocket of quarters and when she sees the army of parking meter mavens in attack mode, she kindly puts a couple of quarters in each expired meter. Sweet!

Before breakfast, my pal Troyer, always buys two San Francisco Chronicles. He reads one and offers a second copy to any attractive single woman in one of the three cafés he frequents each week. He’s famous for this. Some women love to see a newspaper….others are confused.

Coffee, tea…

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Dorothy the Dating Diva meets a Hay you! man, a Tin Man, a Lyin’ guy

Dorothy, everybody’s favorite serial dater, was a peripatetic-romantic. She amazed her friends with the number of dates she went on, each week.

Testing the Waters?
In th beginning…She was a real-live dating diva on Craigslist; meeting new men every week, buoyed her confidence and prompted Dorothy to join Plenty of Fish.

She instantly learned the ‘catch and release’ practice at Plenty of Fish, and she trawled every day. She was exhilarated with coffee dates, walking dates and her favorite, ‘choose a museum and entertain me’ gauntlet.

Eventually, tired of the one site, she decided to become an active member on both Eharmony and Spiritual Singles.

Like magic, Dorothy’s calendar filled with dates. Her friends teased her that they needed a scorecard to keep track of all the men in her life.

She claimed to know, within the first five minutes, if the guy was “A Keeper” or a “Next!”

Her friends counted, she had 84 dates in four months. Dorothy was definitely on a quest to meet Mr. Right. Friends wondered if she was looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now?

 

Deja Vu All over Again

Eventually, Dating Dorothy realized she was dating the same three men, over and over again. Her friends loudly agreed and told her the guys resembled characters on the Wizard of Oz.            No flying monkeys or munchkins allowed.

The first type of man she kept re-meeting, re-visiting, and re-encountering and was a typical cowardly lion: all bravado, no bite.

Take Mike, please.

Mike is a retired jock; at one time in his life he was a 10, swaggered around campus in his letterman’s jacket, had that IBM internship, married his high school sweetheart and, bam! He woke up 20 years later; he was divorced, disenchanted, not even close to being a 10- what with those extra pounds, gleaming chrome dome, and had new bachelor pad by IKEA in Sausalito.

However, Mike still thought he was pretty cool- save for one thing: he was afraid of women. Dorothy classified him as “all talk no action.” Mike could talk a mean story, flirt up a storm, and then he ran out of steam and went home. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He had a great roar and no follow-up. Oddly, Dorothy was, initially  attracted to this.

Hay – Look Me Over- The Straw Man

Her next magnetic attraction was a typical Straw-Man. He looks great from the outside: dashing, debonair, well coiffed, drives the right, leased, black BMW sedan and can talk for hours about himself and his myriad accomplishments. However, there’s no-there-there. A classic Straw Man has very little substance. Dorothy liked some aspects. Not all. Next!

Is He a Tin Man or Iron Man?

Dorothy’s friends laugh when she tells them she’s met a new man at the gym. Again.  Déjà vu all over again. “The Type” is usually a “half iron” man…

Often he is somewhat tall, dark, and mildly handsome and totally in love with himself. Yeah, he has a big heart and his heart belongs to- himself.

Any Psych 101 student would say he must’ve been battered and bruised in a relationship and has created an impenetrable shield around his heart. So much for a two-way relationship.

Our friend Dorothy threw in the towel after this waterfall of fun she was having dried up. She got bored – said it wa a deja vu and she was going to quit the dating scene. The Withdrawals  were hard. In a week – or two – she filled her calendar withe trips, exploring, movies, museums, Giants Games, dance lessons. She loved  joining a Singles walking club.

And so it begins…back at the dating trough.

Were they all the wrong number?

Beware the Dotards…fake dates from the Internet dating sites…

Suddenly Single... Minded

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The Dating Diva of the Internet Jungle? I’ve been around the block enough times to be an official survivor storyteller.

After 12 long years married to Mr. Wrong Number and the ensuing divorce, I naively signed up for Internet dating.

Inspired by those romantic EHarmony ads on TV, I took the plunge into the Internet dating pool. For two hours I filled out an extremely long questionnaire before I paid the usual hefty fee.

Shortly thereafter, I was given an analysis of my personality and a description of my perfect match. Okay. I’ll admit it. I am seduced by flattery and EHarmony sent me pages of prose extolling my virtues.

It turns out I am honest, loyal, steadfast (I was beginning to sound like a Boy Scout.) Then the analysis lapsed into my right brain attributes – I sounded like Betty Crocker meets June Cleaver. And: cut to the chase. I…

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The naked truth – clothing optional?

breaking up is a Good idea….

Suddenly Single... Minded

photo_6031_20080519 Shelly K in San Francisco shared her latest “Dating at 50+ escapade”

Dear Page Larkin,

After six months of great dates, Peter and I concluded we were good for ‘the moment’ however, we had no future.

 Okay, I concluded: we had no future.

Peter was smart, successful and spontaneous, He had a never ending supply of ideas for really unique dates: we took beginner tango lesson, saw Peter Max at the De Young, walked across the Golden Gate Bridge, had his/hers massages at the Kabuki, we went to see Calvin Trillin and Ruth Reichl  at the Herbst Theater, had SRO tickets for the San Francisco Symphony. There were gourmet picnics in Marin, we went wine tasting in St Helena and discovered the famous and eclectic,  Layla Fanucci and her art gallery and winery – double winner.

The Naked Truth: He had HAI hopes – I had low…

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