Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Beware of the Marina Playboys?

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Dear Page Larkin,

Melissa, my BFF, just told me that my former “boyfriend” is doing the Marina bar scene has turned into “Mr. Tinder.”

A friend of a friend told her she had seen him on Tinder and he had been seen at various Marina and Union Street watering holes with a different woman, every week. This guy, Alex played me like a fiddle. We, too, met on Tinder. He was cute and flirty and claimed to being way over his divorce.

We had drinks at my favorite pub, and I fell like a ton of bricks. I was seduced by his flattery. He gazed at me told me I was beautiful and later he commented on how sexy I appeared. Prince Charming laid it on thick and, for some reason, I was buying.

This popular pub is famously noisy and one must lean in to hear. Our knees were touching under the tiny table. As he looked into my eyes, he reached for my hand. (Electricity.)  Then he asked if he could kiss me. All this is before we’ve even had our drinks served

I’ll cut the chase and just say I fell fast and hard for this guy. I have met a parade of guys only looking for a one-night stand. Been there done that. This was different. He was sincere. After a few drinks, and a heart to heart conversation, and disclosing we were both looking for more than just one night stand – I went back to his place.

None of my girlfriends were shocked when I told them that Prince Charming sent me a text the next day telling me how wonderful I am.

Then he lamented he was still grappling with the divorce and all that entailed.

Again a steady stream of compliments came the clinker: let’s be friends.  (Wait for it). With benefits. 

I cancelled Tinder. I cancelled Alex the Playboy who is sowing his so-called Newly Divorced oats… corn and tripe.  Please warn all the girls out there.

Ursula

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Dear Ursula,
Thank you for sharing your experience. It must have been painful for you. You are lucky to have girl friends who look out for you.
Unfortunately, your story is not a new one.Beware the wolf in sheep’sclothing and be more discerning before you leap into bed with anyone

Cheers,
Page 

 

 

 

 

 

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The missing email ruins everything?


You may have been have been “Lost in Space”…and didn’t even know it.

It happens.

In the wide, wonderful, world of online dating  e-mails, every once in awhile that very special pivotal electronic message gets lost in “Ether Space.”

It’s the Netherworld, that 10th Ring of Hell where, just like socks, e-mails go missing.

 What? Me, worry?

And, yes, dear- Online Dating Beginner… it has happened to you. You just didn’t realize it. What you considered to be a rejection or a rebuff,

in reality, may have simply been a “Triple E, an Ether Evaporated E-mail”.

Single in Sausalito, Rusty,  wrote Bernadette  a beautifully crafted, romantic poem of epic proportions in response to her invitation for a weekend in the Wine Country. For two days, she patiently perched near her computer waiting for this response. Nada. Zilch. Zero response.

Bernadette sadly concluded Rusty was ‘Not that into her.’

The longer she ruminated- the more she thought – “Heh! Perhaps he was a bit of cur and  the she concluded: “What a jerk. Next.”

Upon return from the weekend of swimming, wine tasting, tennis, chess, and charades with her friends, she checked her emails. There she finally discovered the most eloquent, poetic, e-mail from Rusty accepting her invitation.  Unfortunately, the long awaited e-mail was lost in the far recesses of Ether Space for several days before surfacing. It happens.

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Erin  tells the story of meeting “The most wonderful man from Santa Fe” while waiting for a plane at Denver International. Due to “weather” and delayed flights, they spent 4 hours chatting, having coffee and being totally mesmerized with one another. They exchanged business cards and e-mail addrsses and reluctantly boarded planes to their respective homes.

She  knew she had met her soul mate. And then, she never heard from him again. She garnered  the courage and sent three  e-mails- in three weeks- and never heard a word back from her “potential soul mate.” Chalking it up to a “C’est la vie” event – she went on. Disappointed.

One year to the month later, she was in line at the MOMA and ‘Santa Fe guy’ walked up -looked at Erin and point blank asked “Why didn’t you respond to my e-mails?”  She asked him the same question.

Lost in Space…She is now Married Erin and living a happily ever after life

There is a new saying, “When in doubt: don’t Rescind the invitation, Resend”.

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“We Need to Talk” the four scariest words known to man


Which four little words strike terror in the hearts of men?

The most virile, robust, brawny man can be instantly reduced to a quaking, quivering puddle of ‘uh-oh’ when he hears the infamous, “We need to talk.”

It’s Pavlovian.

Men hear “We need to talk ” and instantly break out in panic and alarm. Peter in Milpitas  said, “Everyman knows those four words are code for “You are in big trouble, buddy”

There are no visions of sugarplums dancing in guy’s heads.

It’s more like visions of: The Breaking-up Talk; “Weapons of Mass Discussion” and the inevitable “The Top 10 things you did wrong, dude”.

Men have said that hearing “The Four Words” is far more intimidating than hearing these four ~

  • · Pull the vehicle over
  • · Your grades came today
  • · Your boss is calling
  • · Test results are here
  • · We’re going Christmas shopping
  • · The kids found your_____

 Even a towering Tony Soprano type can be reduced to a blithering George Costanza upon hearing you say, “We need to talk”.   

So, ladies: use these Four Words with caution and discretion. All the great lovers in history had issues and peace talks.

Think of Bonnie and Clyde, Ozzie and Harriet, Bill and Hillary, Homer and Marge. Be judicious.

Tis the season to be jolly and… talk amongst yourselves.

Brilliant riposte: Dear Page Larkin- dating dilemmas


Dear Page Larkin,

When Kath and I started dating, ((she’s 65, I’m 70) she was romantic and spontaneous. Four years later, she is less available. My job is the resason: we only see each other on weekends due to distance and driving. She claims she’s tired of the driving. I call the 18 miles from my house to her apartment “Our 18-mile Hallway.” She used to think that was romantic. Now, she wants to move into my house. I cherish my man-cave and don’t wish a full-time roommate.

Henry VIII

Dear Henry VIII

Dude, Fish or cut bait. Kath’s lack of luster may be in direct proportion to your unwillingness to take it up a notch. I imagine, at 65 she may be planning for the future and thinking your interest is waning with your dead end weekend-only arrangements.

Peace, Page

Dear Page,

I met a great guy online (retired SF Fireman, divorced thrice.) We took it very slow. We have both been hurt and have six adult kids between us. Our on-and-off again relationship took a turn for the better after he received an inheritance and could pay off all his debts. Flush, he moved in with me, redecorated my kitchen, the master bath, and transferred my pathetic garden to Sunset magazine cover. Then, much to my dismay, he got bored and started playing golf with the boys and having drinks.

My home is beautiful and empty. And, he has virtually disappeared. My friends say,  “Toss the bum out.”  I ’m thinking about going online just to look for other single men. Good idea?

Sunset Years need Sunshine

Dear Sunset Years

Close one door before you open another. Talk to the Lukewarm Fireman and tell him your feelings about six-hour golf games and drinks, thereafter.  Do you miss him? Tell him. This is your call:  decide iif you want to be a classic ‘Golf Widow’ or “In the Game?”

Carpe diem, Page

Page Larkin,

I just met George on a dating site. He is great guy by all accounts, except for one. While he says he’s divorced, he still lives with his Ex and may share the same bed.  He says it’s a very small apartment and a foldout bed in the living room is lumpy.  Should I be worried?

Besty of No Bed Bugs

Dear Betsy of No Bed-bugs

Hmm, where else could Johnny possibly sleep? Think: a cot, an air mattress, the couch, in Air B&B, a guestroom, a sleeping bag.  I would say Johnny lacks initiative and you should lack interest. Move on, girlfriend. You can do better.

Moving on,  Page

Ms. Larkin,

My randy and retired neighbor, Stan, trolls Craigslist every day in hopes of a “Nooner.”  I know his wife is a nurse – she works a classic 12-hour shift- and he invites women into his house for casual sex.  How do I know this? He told me. Should I tell his wife?

Good neighbor Sherry

Dear Good neighbor Sherry

This is classic: NOYB.  While you think you would be helping – this is none of your business.   Pay attention to your own wife, life and commitments.

Peace, Page

Hello, Page,

Since when did everyone start kissing and holding hands on the first date? I met three different men, three different nights,  for drinks downtown last week. After the second drink, they all became very lovey-dovey. I wasn’t feeling it. Am I out to lunch? 

ShampainCocktails

Hello, ShampainCocktails,

You might consider trying “daytime dates” involving coffee – not cocktails – in clean well-lighted places. Let me know if you don’t experience a 100% change in attitudes and platitudes

Peace and love,Page

Dear Ms. Larkin,

My dad, “56,” has been divorced and single for 20 years.  He just announced that he wants to get married again.  He has turned into a dating machine. He goes out with a different woman three nights a week. The money he spends on dinners, drinks and flowers, etc. could buy me a condo.

He left his computer on and I looked at his dating profile. He claims to be  46, a runner, a movie buff, and a gym rat. He is not seen a gym or run a mile since high school. Shall I tell him to smarten up?

Peggy in Pleasant Hill

Dear Peggy,

NOYB:  What your dear old dad does is none of your business.  And, you are snooping and sneaky to read his private material. I’m sure you’d expect the same respect. Wish your Dad well-  it’s his romantic research. Not yours.

Peace, Page


Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.  Mark Twain

 

Brilliant

The First Date: the coffee date “Hey, look me over”


You’ve seen them at coffee shops, restaurants, and Starbucks. You can tell.

 She walks in, looking around for a complete stranger. She glances at the faces of every male in the room – seriously hoping her first date-guy looks like the photo he posted online.

When the ‘closest facsimile’ waves her over to his table, with a broad smile, she cautiously walks over to join him. She is still walking on thin ice and treading lightly. You notice they both have fake and cautious smiles plastered on their faces, half nervous, half curious.

Sticker Shock

Both are quickly adjusting to the “First-Meeting Sticker Shock.” Their minds are racing like a deck of shuffling cards.

Best-case inner dialogue could be: “Phew. Wow. What a relief! Looks exactly like the photo,” or worst-case scenario, both parties -with frozen smiles and minds racing with thoughts like: “What was I thinking? What a mistake. OMG. How can I get out of this? How long do I have to stay? Check please. Please.”

It’s a Dance…

You have to admire people who take the plunge, who get out there and do the dating dance. Somedays it’s like a waltz – other times it’s the Twist…or a jitterbug- fast and frenetic. When two hearts and minds collide and match – that’s the best.

For every couple grimacing through the awkward stages of meeting somebody for coffee for the first time, there are hundreds of us sitting at home pretending to be satisfied with watching TV with a cat, cruising the free dating sites… and all that other single, solitary, alone stuff.


Bravo to the brave of heart
who wear their hearts on their sleeves and get out there and make the effort to meet somebody new. 

Gold Stars and Gold Medals all around for the brave and the few. It’s a New Day – a New Year Why not put your single, big toe into the Dating Game?

 

Remember: Today is the first day of the rest of your social life. Get out there and have fun.

Cheer Up, Binkie. Get inspired Put these on Post-it notes:

” When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” François de la Rochefoucauld

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss

“By persistently remaining single, a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

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“If you are single there is always one thing you should take out with you on a Saturday night… your friends.” – Sex in the City

Oprah says it all

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The  full transcript of Oprah Winfrey’s Acceptance Speech at the Emmys

In 1964, I was a little girl sitting on the linoleum floor of my mother’s house in Milwaukee watching Anne Bancroft present the Oscar for best actor at the 36th Academy Awards. She opened the envelope and said five words that literally made history: “The winner is Sidney Poitier.” Up to the stage came the most elegant man I had ever seen. I remember his tie was white, and of course his skin was black, and I had never seen a black man being celebrated like that. I tried many, many times to explain what a moment like that means to a little girl, a kid watching from the cheap seats as my mom came through the door bone tired from cleaning other people’s houses. But all I can do is quote and say that the explanation in Sidney’s performance in “Lilies of the Field”:
“Amen, amen, amen, amen.”
In 1982, Sidney received the Cecil B. DeMille award right here at the Golden Globes and it is not lost on me that at this moment, there are some little girls watching as I become the first black woman to be given this same award. It is an honor — it is an honor and it is a privilege to share the evening with all of them and also with the incredible men and women who have inspired me, who challenged me, who sustained me and made my journey to this stage possible. Dennis Swanson who took a chance on me for “A.M. Chicago.” Quincy Jones who saw me on that show and said to Steven Spielberg, “Yes, she is Sophia in ‘The Color Purple.'” Gayle who has been the definition of what a friend is, and Stedman who has been my rock — just a few to name.
 
 
I want to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press Association because we all know the press is under siege these days. We also know it’s the insatiable dedication to uncovering the absolute truth that keeps us from turning a blind eye to corruption and to injustice. To — to tyrants and victims, and secrets and lies. I want to say that I value the press more than ever before as we try to navigate these complicated times, which brings me to this: what I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have. And I’m especially proud and inspired by all the women who have felt strong enough and empowered enough to speak up and share their personal stories. Each of us in this room are celebrated because of the stories that we tell, and this year we became the story.
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Time to put Your Big Toe in the Dating Pool?

Do you take a Swan Dive or Flip into

Internet Dating Pool?

San Francisco: The Dating Playground of Life…replete with lots of slides…a few swings – many merry-go-rounds-and a whole lotta teeter-tottering going on.

 

If you’re like me, and you might be Suddenly Single…

So, you seek out kindred spirits – people of substance, wit, humor, a certain joie de vivre.

You take the time to ascertain exactly what you are looking for...heck, you even make a list.

At this stage of the game – You’ve kissed a few frogs.
Okay, you did more than just kiss that frog…it was dark – it was late- and when he softly whispered “ribit” in your ear…and he queried breathlessly, “Your pad or mine, Lily?”  You succumbed.

 

So you’ve got The List- including a plethora of important aspects, qualities, virtues, facets of man  (Or- woman) of your dreams…
Age, height, education, general background, appearance, temperment, Peet’s v Starbucks, have they read anything SINCE  The Da Vinci code?
And:
The TWO Biggies:

*1. Have they been married before? (How many times? And for how long?)
* 2. And, what kind of a parent are they?

If he reveals he: ‘Only has one more $25.00 child support payment left’
Lace up your Easy Spirit running shoes and dart!

 Perhaps they are 50+ and never been married?
That’s  okay… Ask just  how long was that last  “meaningful” relationship and are they still talking to one another? Why did it end?


Back to The List –

HOT TIP: You should carefully analyze – if your idea of “foreplay” is two hours at The Outlets and Nordstrom Rack – and he is a couch potato…. who “couches” foreplay, fiveplay and every play he can think of with the insipid sentence “I love to snuggle,” Either don the running shoes or get the bunny slippers out. Your call.

On your ‘Must Have list’ – you might list: Integrity at the very top.

We wandered into a unique Marin County ‘Dive Bar’ the other night…
It was an eclectic crowd – and the bragging rights were attached to the fact that some men had logged over 1000 (one-thousand) HOURS at the bar.
One thousand hours – sitting on a bar stool – and thye were proud of it. Next!

So – don’t go there. 
We don’t have to go to bars to meet singles of the opposite sex – nor should a gentleman over 50 be trawling the bar scene.
Get fins, mask, – oxygen- lots of oxygen and get ready for the plunge...into the Pool of Internet Dating.

Plan on having a good time.

2018: Make Merry and Mistakes

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“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world.

You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly,

you’re doing something.”

Neil Gaiman


Dating Game: Secret to Success?

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Success is almost totally dependent upon drive and persistence.

The extra energy required to make another effort or try another approach is the secret of winning.

Denis Waitley

Almost

If you have been thinking…about adding Romance and Relationships to your life in the New Year…Take heed: drive and perisistence are the key. Sitting on the sidelines will garner no results. Stand up, get noticed and get in the Dating Game. 

Getting Tender: You don’t have to swipe left and right; nor do you have to dress like you daughter or niece.

Resolutions: If you do nothing else in January- make an effort to establish eye contact with the opposite sex and smile. That’s all. Do it every day. Start small…work you way up.

Smiles = smiles.

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What do women want? Listen, Santa Baby

Santa Baby, we need to talk. Listen to this: reports indicate, every day, women say 1000 more words than male counterparts. We can talk about this, if you like.

A random poll recently conducted at Curves, a nail salon, an OB-Gyn office and a leading yoga studio revealed

The Top 200 Words that Women
Would Most Like to Hear are:

1. Merry Christmas, the blue little box is for you.

2. You are beautiful; those jeans make you look so thin and sexy.

3. How was your day? You’re brilliant. Hugs.

4. Here, darling, a couple of credit cards. Take them and go on a shopping spree. You deserve it. Gump’s is having a sale.

5. Can I draw you a bath? Let me wrap all the presents.

6. Of course, I’d love to watch a chick flick on the couch with you. ‘You’ve Got Mail’ or “Serendipity”?

7. Forget the 49ers. Let’s go walk at the beach.

8. I just called to say ‘I love you.’ Did you find the flowers I left on the doorstep?

9. You’re the greatest. Babe, sit down, watch your programs; I’ll do the dishes.

10. I’ve got mistletoe! You and me? Away in the manger?

11. Hark! Do you hear what I hear? The kids are asleep.

12. You’re an incredible wife and mother. I missed you and vacuumed the house.

Listen. Women may tend to be loquacious, voluble and talkative; we have a lot to say.

A savvy Santa is perceptive and sage. Spice up your life with the Top 200 Words Women Want to Hear.

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