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Union Square: Three Perfect Places to Break up

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Breaking Bad…Breaking Up…Hot tips for a cool transition…

Originally posted on Suddenly Single... Minded:

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Good Places to break up in San Francisco: Union Square

Let’s say you’ve been seeing one another for a month or two – maybe three. It’s been fun – and, yet those quirky, little idiosyncrasies keep raising their ugly little heads: they talk too much; he licks his fingers after every meal; she can’t put her iPhone down, ever; they are so cute, so rich and also the worst driver in the world and you have been in three fender benders together and your neck hurts – not from necking; they drink/smoke/whine too much. Way.  And the list goes on…

You know it is inevitable when “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off” plays in the recesses of your mind when your are together. It’s time to say good-bye. So, where is a good, centrally located, place to set them free?

Here are three places on Union Square that are ideal for…

View original 443 more words

San Francisco: one man’s story

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San Francisco –

He shopped at Brooks Brothers, never at Wilkes Bashford.

At one time, he was a Trader Vic’s, Ernie’s, Doro’s kind of a guy. Vanessis was his go-to place for a bowl of minestrone at the counter. Tadich’s at the counter was preferable to Sam’s.

His kids went to Burke’s and Cathedral.

His wife had a 10:30 am, standing hair appointment, Fridays with Mr. Lee.

He ran with the big dogs (F Lee Bailey, Alioto, and a cadre of men from the PU Club.) He preferred the company of his dominoes and golf buddies from the downtown Olympic Club.

His best buddy, John the restaurateur, played tennis with Herb Caen twice a week for two years and Caen never mentioned the place. Old Mr. San Francisco could be a real prick.

The Bank America building event was his biggest case. The trial took two years and he won a huge settlement: hence, the new Jaguar. His wife was not easily assuaged by his long hours and working-weekends and club dates with the boys.

He played golf at the Olympic Club -said he preferred tennis -and got his son a junior membership at the Club when the boy was 12.

They moved out of the Jackson Street address and moved to Marin County.

Then, with the kids gone, and work booming, his wife did what every other attorney’s wife in the suburbs did – she filed for divorce.

His neighbor’s wife, with the empty nest and empty hot tub, bonked the pool boy got a facelift, did EST, and went to Morocco, all in one year. Those were the days of peacock feathers, incense, hot tubs and musical spouses.

Often times, he worked long hours and stayed in the City at the Clift Hotel.

His soon-to-be ex-signed up for the Werner Erhard Seminars and became a mentor in the About Sex seminar. Funny that: in 25 years she never wanted to talk about sex.

And so it goes.

He ended up living alone in the San Rafael home with a swimming pool, the vast art collection and a huge wine cellar. His ex-wife had remarried and moved to Los Altos.

The kids were prone to stay with her for the holidays- he schlepped to her house. Family gatherings were surprisingly fun. He always felt empty, driving home over the bridge after Christmas, Thanksgiving, and big parties.

His friends had fought cancer – some won – some didn’t. In a million years he never thought he would get sick and die in one month. And he did.

The obit in the San Francisco Chronicle blew people away. Very few knew about his quiet, altruistic ventures or his involvement in the myriad organizations and boards.

He was a San Francisco legend no one remembers.

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Are you Suddenly Single – euphoric or exasperated? Readers say:

unnamedDear Page

I’ve got it bad, and that ain’t good, it’s fabulous! I’ve had more dates in 2015 than I had before I was married. I’ve met Tom, Rick, and Larry, and 20 other guys. I’m having fun sampling the wares on Match.com and OKCupid. After my dry, boring marriage, dating is fun! I have learned a lot about Dating at 50 (I’ am 47)  from your column, thanks! Sheila

Dear Sheila,

After you get off the dating merry-go-round and get serious-let’s talk! Write to me: Page.Larkin@gmail.com

You are experiencing “post divorce euphoria” and tripping the light fantastic dating game. This too shall pass. I hope you find your knight in shining armor. Remember to slow down and smell the roses, my peripatetic reader. We’ll talk.

Love, Page

Dear Page,

I’ve been off and on Match.com for five years. I can’t handle the hunt, dead end dates and the disappointment for more than three months at a time. I have to admit I met some “nice” women, but, they could be my sisters – nice but no chemistry.

I used those San Francisco matchmakers was out $5000 and met the same women I saw on Match.com at a different price point. Help. Maybe I just need a good pickup line?

Prince not so charming

sad manDear Prince not so charming

Don’t give up. And props to you for trying! The dating game can be a dream or nightmare. Try this one on for size – when you meet a woman that you’re somewhat interested in, say, “Would you have time to meet for coffee?” Let me know how that works for you.

Love and peace, Page

Dear Page Larkin

X and I had three dates. I took her to dinner, to Biscuit and Blues, and dancing at the Top of the Mark. Now, she won’t answer my text, calls or e-mails. I thought she might be ill, and then noticed she’s back on Ourtime.com.

Bummed in Berkeley

Dear Bummed in Berkeley,

You are both gracious and generous. She is not. S.I.N.T.I.T.U. (She is not that into you) Best advice: Move on. The best is yet to come.

Love and peace,

Page

Do you have a question, a query, a comment or a conundrum? Drop me a line – tell me how adjusting to being Suddenly Single and Dating Again is working for you. Thanks for the floods of fan mail – I love you.

page.larkin@gmail.com

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What Does Real Love Look Like?

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The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.
Audrey Hepburn

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“Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’

Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.’   Erich Fromm

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“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.”
Ann Landers

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Flirting 101: Winking – a failure since the cavemen

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Ugh – don’t wink at me!

Thor, the biggest, bravest caveman, never met a Pterodactyl he couldn’t fly.

He was the top Pterodactyl tamer in the village. His spear-chucking expertise made him famous in many circles. He had a ton of male, spear-chucking, dinosaur-chasing buddies. They would sit around the fire at night grunting, nodding, slapping their chests and howling at the moon. Their buddy, Krug, was dabbling with fermented grapes – the men gobbled up the one he called, “Cab.”

Meanwhile, cave-women were weaving reeds, painting cave walls with hieroglyphs, designing and sewing skins into clothes for the kids and bikini loincloths and sexy crop tops, bustiers, and halter tops for themselves.

In the olden days, when a caveman saw a woman he liked-he tapped her on the head with a kind of balsa wood baton – more symbolic than hurtful- and she was “his.” That was so mid-century.

The new cohort of women were much more romantic and wanted to be “wooed,” and sought after.   They longed for active flirtation and heart-fluttering, smoldering stares across the fire pit.

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Thou Shalt Not “Wink”

Thulk, not the sharpest stone in the basket “winked” at the cave-girls. One day, Thor saw Thulk – winking, blinking, and nodding. The guy looked like he was having a seizure.

Thor, the cool caveman pal, pulled the Neanderthal aside and told him, “Dude, ix-nay with the ink-way.”

Old School Flirting is so Troglodyte

He taught Thulk the art of flirtation: including the lingering smile, a soft growling grunt (Grrr) and the importance of small gifts.

Cave-girls loved gifts– especially bouquets of flowers, tanned skins, baskets of fruits, bright shiny stones, leather bags with matching leather foot-covers.

Thulk gradually morphed into a real bon vivant kind of a guy. His social graces developed and he became legendary in his pursuits and prowess.

For aeons, that was the demise of “Winking.”

Rumor has it, Studs Lonigan the sought-after, dashing, man-about-town re-introduced  “The Wink” in the last  decade.

You either love it – or you hate it. Mr Lonigan claims 50% of all women love a “wink” – online or on the street.

He says, the bigger challenge is distinguishing which 50% are enchanted by his charm and chivalry.

Winking: Do you love it or hate it?

Tell me: page.larkin@gmail.com

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It isn’t what I do, but how I do it. It isn’t what I say,

but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

Mae West

Single Men Confused by a Few Good Women?

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This week’s mail brought letters about Single Guys who don’t know how good they have it.

Dear Page Larkin,

Help! Our brother (divorced, 59, executive, thinks he is a ladies man) drives us crazy. In the last five years we watched him date, Dumb and Dumber, Clueless, The Jerk, and Tammy.

He recently met a very nice woman- about his age, successful, smart, and fun; everyone likes her. She has her own company; and what she sees our brother, we don’t know.

However, they’ve been dating for a few months-and he just started complaining that she left a couple of things at his house. The guy went ape over a water bottle! How do I tell my brother he’s darn lucky to be dating this Perfect 10?

Concerned Sister in Los Gatos.

Dear Concerned Sister Los Gatos,

You’re a good sister to care so much. ItIs sounds like this guy is a little rusty when it comes to the dating game.

Read the next letter…. déjà vu all over again.

Peace, Page

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Hey Larkin,

You seem to know a lot about this kind of stuff. I have a new girlfriend- she’s hot.   We spend a lot of time together – most weekends. She does one thing that really bugs me. I think she is slowly trying to move in with me. Last week, she tried to leave Peet’s Coffee and a French Press coffee thing at my house. I drink Yuban. Today, I found she left a can of hairspray under the kitchen sink. I have my limits and I told her so. My buddies say I being unreasonable? Me?

The Weekely Thing

Hey Weekely Thing,

It sounds like you’ve met a lovely woman you enjoy spending time with and for her convenience she brought over a small coffee maker and make up. Evidently, you find this so upsetting you need to consult a dating specialist? I wish I could say, I feel your pain. Lighten up, Weekely. Relax, already. Your buddies are right.

Peace, Page

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Ms. Page Larkin,

Most women consider me a “real catch.” I’m very successful; I drive a black BMW, I know how to party, and, I never kiss and tell.

I’m very confused about a woman I just met. She’s totally different from all the babes I’ve ever dated. Evidently, she thinks I’m pretty interesting and she laughs all my jokes.   The other night we went out, and she gave me a gift. No woman has ever given me a gift. She gave me a gift certificate to “A night on the town.” What’s up with that? I think she might be using me. Help me figure this one out.

GH from Hollywood

Dear GH from Hollywood,

Lucky you. You have wonderful qualities- and a special woman recognizes them. You are fortunate- treat her well and go with the flow. Don’t overthink this one, GH.

Peace, Page

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Social media has given us this idea that we should all have a posse of friends when in reality, if we have one or two really good friends, we are lucky.

Brene Brown

I will not play tug o’ war. I’d rather play hug o’ war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins.

Shel Silverstein

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Help! I am drowning in a sea of text messages

Spelling Game tiles spell out Help Me
Today brings two classic letters from male readers who are baffled and the flummoxed by women…

How can I miss you – if you won’t go away?

Dear Page,

I met a woman at a bar in Dogpatch and we hit it off. I had a trip to New York the next day – we agreed to be in touch.   She sent me a text the next morning – it was very cool.

Now a week later, every day, she sends me text messages- up to four everyday. I’m drowning here. I’m losing interest as fast as she sends these messages. How does a guy say politely, “Back off?” And, no, I do not reply to each text.

Non-text Texan.

Dear Non-text Texan,

I have received dozens of e-mails/text with the same complaint. From both men and women.

For some texting is a toy and they can’t put it down. For others, who can’t “self-edit” it’s a vehicle to spew every thought, quip, witticisms (or half witticisms.)

If Emily Post were around today, and a modicum of etiquette existed online, there would be hard and fast rules about deluge texting. Here are two steps to consider:

Step #1. Not responding. Step #2. Send a quick text indicating lack of interest and, or a busy schedule and wish them well. Buh Bye.

Peace,

Page

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Stop with the Selfies, Already

Ms. Larkin,

I was married for 24 years before I entered Suddenly Single in San Francisco world. Call me old-fashioned, but when did women get so aggressive?

I had a pleasant lunch date- with a woman who seemed a little edgy- but, attractive.

The next day, she sent me a text inviting me to play golf with her… she followed that up with a barrage of suggestive innuendo. Really?

Then, she sent me pictures of herself – multiple pictures of herself. (enclosed)

Yesterday, she wrote, “What do I have to do to get your attention?”

What happened to ‘the guy calls the girl?’ I am so turned off by this aggressive behavior.

Evidently,

A caveman

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Dear A caveman,

Yes, the times they are a changin’

Have heart, for as many outspoken and aggressive women there are out there- there are as many well-behaved, well-educated, well-heeled women just waiting for you.

Now that you have met a classic “ Go-getter,” (politely said) you know what to avoid. Have fun! It can only get better.

Peace,

Page

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They met on Kruk and Kuip’s Facebook Page

images-42Kruk and Kuip play Cupid?

She has been called a “Rabid Fan” of the San Francisco Giants Baseball team for many years.

She only buys black cashmere sweaters and has a dozen: turtlenecks, V-neck, cardigans, and pullovers. She has multiple pair of orange pants: capris, leggings, jeans, shorts, khakis, crepe–de chine cocktail-party appropriate, boyfriend jeans, wool tangerine-colored, tailored trousers and kooky black/orange-plaid hot-pants.

She has two pair of orange sequined high-heels.

Her jewelry drawer is filled with orange and black San Francisco Giants logo bracelets, rings, necklaces and earrings. There are too many hats to count.

She can spout statistics like a fountain; she is passionate about “her Giants.” Through the years she has had crushes on Panda, Posey, Pence, Panik and Romo – and all the Matts and Brandons – the list goes on.

In the last 10 years, she has starred on the Kissing Cam five times -with five different guys.

Her all-time favorite movie is Bull Durham She once aspired to be the Susan Sarandon character. She can recite the famous “I believe in….” quote.

He was a Giant’s fan in grammar school

His dad took him to Giant’s games at Candlestick Park when he was in grammar school in the 1970’s. He has called it Candlestick or “The Stick” his whole life. He is a walking Baseball almanac with an encyclopedic knowledge of the game.

In 2009, he was on the committee to get the Giants to play one more game at ‘The Stick’ for the 50th anniversary of the original 1960 game. Much to his disappointment, it didn’t happen.

On May 29, each of them attended the pre-game, Orange Friday Happy Hour at Seals Plaza. Moustache Harbor played soft rock. It was serious party before the big game against the A’s.

He saw her across the busy, raucous, space. He said he felt like he had seen her before. Deja vu all over again? The party was mayhem. It was like a Mardi Gras event- men and women and cocktails, music, and all things Giants.

She demurs that she did not see him. It is hard to miss a 6’5 man wearing an orange shirt and orange pants. He claims, he stared at her, he smiled and he raised his glass to her from across the space.

It will be another year before she admits that she can’t see a thing without her glasses.cupid

The next day, she signed on to the Facebook Kruk and Kuip page and posted her opinion of the game. He saw her articulate analysis of the game- recognized her picture – and fired off a compliment. She responded within seconds. And he wrote back. The flirty exchange went on for 15 minutes-before Mad Jack from Brisbane- horned in and said “Hey! You two! Get a room!”

She “friend-ed” him on Facebook. They exchanged phone numbers and spoke on the phone – for a very long time.

“Say it ain’t so, Joe!”

Turns Out: They both loved ’70s first baseman Willie McCovey; both attended Washington High School – four years apart. He went to Cal for two years –transferred to a small, liberal arts, college. She left a small school and graduated from Cal. They both lived in the Marina District – at one time – and both– frequented Mel’s on Geary and they met there for their first date.

They spent hours talking baseball – in a flirty – one ups-man-ship kind of a way.

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Later they went to “The Shrine” – AT&TPark. They kid that they will name their twins Kruk and Kuip.

“Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too.”
Yogi Berra

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“Tinder” is the night? Not so much

Pl:

Ow! That hurt! Be a little more Tinder this time?

Originally posted on Suddenly Single... Minded:

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Tinder is the Night?

The Big Daddy of Online dating, Barry Diller, the King of of IAC, billionaire media mogul, is the money behind a dozen of your favorite Dating Sites- including Match.com, Chemistry, OKCupid, Our Time, and Senior People Meet (See  Chart Below)

Diller’s brand-new game in town called Tinder (www.tinder.com)

Ouch! Tinder hurt my feelings

Patsy- single, bon vivant and very corporate, 43, said,  “Tinder is brutal. It hurt my feelings.”  Intrigued by the new app, she played the game: downloaded the app, did the GPS connection, and provided a handful of cute photos and connected to her Facebook page. She was ready, willing, and able to meet men her age in the San Mateo area.   Always open for new experiences, she thought Tinder would be fun and novel.

[Note: 85% of all Tinder users are in the 18-35 year old demographic]

Hang ups…

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A Classic San Francisco Love Story?

guys-i-datesdPeter was married to his Stanford sweetheart for 17 years before their divorce.

He moved out, bought a condo, had the kids every other weekend and showed up at all the games and parent-teacher meetings. He paid for Burke’s and Town school.

For a few years, as an avid bachelor, he dabbled at D.R./R. (Dating Research/ Romance.)

At first, he was like a kid in a candy store. Peter was meeting women right and left. He joined the Commonwealth Club, the Stanford Bachelors Club, the Sierra Club, and his pals fixed him up. Then he met Shelley.

They were an item for two-years, until they weren’t. They parted amicably. He gave her the 18K Tiffany Heart Tag Choker as a parting gift.

A true romantic, Peter dated many women- a few times – and was in a handful of semi-long term relationships. One, maybe two years, of togetherness seemed to be his threshold.

He had proclivity for blonde, 40-year-old, bridge and tennis players. You might say he dated a “type” (or the same woman over and, over again.)

C’est la vie

First his jaw hurt, then his right arm, as he was preparing for a trip to Paris with a side trip to Capri with friends.

The symptoms persisted. He was about to call for the car to the airport, but the last heart-clenching pain in his chest had him dialing 9.1.1.

Peter had these classic warning signals before, and was too busy with The Foundation to pay attention. The paramedics found Peter, front door open, on the floor. He could not be revived.

His children and ex-wife organized the funeral.

Years earlier, he had carefully crafted the obituary for the local papers. It was long and listed his many charities and accomplishments. All references to family were succinct and formal.

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His former wife and her husband and the two adult kids sat in the front pew.

Across the aisle, sat six women. At first glance, you would say they could be sisters. They were all wearing variations of a dark St. John Knit suit. They each carried a Kate Spade bag. All were wearing the identical gold Tiffany Heart Tag Choker.

Every one of them considered herself to be “The One” in Peter’s life. Little did they know, he had accumulated lots of “The Ones.”

None of the women attended the Celebration of Life reception in the cathedral hall.

Once they looked at each other, and realized the similarities- the expensive pocket-book, the Tiffany necklace, the dark St. John Knits – short skirt, long skirts, or pleated skirt – they realize they look like Stepford Wives…and one-by-one, they eased out of the church quietly and gracefully, quickly- never to be seen again.

Ironically, three of them showed up at Le Colonial for drinks. They did not speak to one another. Bottoms Up.

“Feminism has never been sexy, but let me assure you that it never stopped me from flirting, and I have seldom suffered from lack of men.”           Isabel Allende

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