Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Top 3 tips: kickstart your dating profile

guys i datesd
Fact: Dull, flat and boring all will  get zero attention online.

An Online Dating Profile with the same old photo from last year, a sparse and dull write up and ‘boring”favorites is a dead end.

Do not do this at home : never admit you like to brush your dog’s teeth each evening, that you sit in front of the TV for each meal, that fresh air makes you nauseous. No references to The Ducky Dynasty Fan Club.

If you want to appear attractive and interesting – add some spark and sparkle to your profile.

Page Larkin’s Mandatory: Top Three Tips to Get More Dates- 

1. Update your  profile picture – every month or two. Have a friend take an attractive photo at an event or new venue. More is better.

2. Change it up - If you have the same insipid  opening line, “Wow, this is really awkward,” or “I’m a love machine looking for my perfect match is that you, honey bun?” or the really old-line: “I was born at an early age.”  Delete and Upgrade. Every month, come up with a new and interesting attention getting title. Skip any and all ‘honey bun; references.

3. Don’t Get Stale, Flat and Boring:  If you’ve been paying your dues at any dating site for over a year and striking out, take a break. It’ll be good for your soul, self-esteem, your brain and your body. Push away from the computer and go outside and play.

New Tactic: It’s time to comb your hair, brush your teeth, and put on great-looking outfit and go sit in a café.

Walk around the park, the yacht harbor, the dog park, Crissy Field, Green Apple Books, the Polo Field.

Remember:  look at people and smile. Yep, eye contact  and smiling that is part of the deal.

Do you have a really bad “The Worst First Date?” nightmare or fiasco? Tell me about it.

Need Help Writing that Online Dating Profile? I can help.

Page.Larkin@gmail.co,

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Why wait for him to call? Do a Sadie Hawkins

Freestanding door in the woods

Ladies who sit back and wait for a man to call, write, wink, or smile first – waste a lot of time.

Carpe diem, girls. Think like Sadie Hawkinsact up and often.

She may have been a cartoon character- but Al Capp’s Sadie–took a walk on the wild side and asked guys out – got dates, and had more fun.

It is a well-known fact, for some men it takes ages for them to get a clue.

Are men really clueless?

Peter M. told me he had been thinking about asking Ginger out on a date for six months before he found the time and courage to do so. Six months – 180 days- 4,320 hours. Life is too short to waste on “Pause.”

Ginger said she had smiled, nodded, and chatted with Peter M. She greeted him each day at the office and nada. Zip. Zero. Nothing. After a time, she figured he was either a dead-man-walking, neuter ,or a true dullard.

He admits he simply forgot to flirt. Divorced for 4 years, he had been single for so long he had turned into a social zombie. However, she did not give up.

Flirting: amorous without serious intent?

Guys, here are signs that a woman is flirting with you: she looks at you and smiles; she says ‘hello’ to you; she engages you in conversation…smiles; she asks you questions not relating to work; she inquires about your social life. You know those casual conversations she starts? That’s flirting.

In an “I could have had a V-8” palm-thud to the head, Peter M said, “Oh! That was flirting?” Frustrated, but not defeated, Ginger embraced the whole Sadie Hawkins concept and asked Peter M out on a date to the new SF Jazz Center to see Lavay Smith & Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers. Bingo!

Kudos to Ginger for being tenacious – lucky for Peter M that she was…

Remember this:

“Life is short – Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably

and never regret anything that makes you smile.” Mark Twain

See: Should a Woman Call a Man? Absolutely!

https://suddenlysingleminded.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/dating-101-should-a-woman-call-a-man/

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Flirt early and Flirt often

When to move in together?

image001In the beginning

At first, a budding romance is all about kisses and holding hands, hugs, love notes, candlelight, romantic restaurants, breakfast in bed, flowers, cuddles conversation and plans. Lots and lots of plans.  Nothing is too much trouble at that nascent stage.

 Specialized: Take me on a Trek Couples who love biking, plan long bicycle trips to new destinations, rides to the wine country, picnics: they don their spandex and climb. Sweaty is good.

Bargain hunters A couple of garage sale aficionados travel high and low and seek out treasures – inevitably they began to think about living together and begin planning their perfect nest-if they were to live together- wouldn’t it be perfect…

Too much- too soon?

Jenny, 30, lives with two other girls in a huge Victorian attic near Golden Gate Park.  She met Vince at The Grove and they were instantly smitten.  She fell head over heels for him and lusted after his two-bedroom apartment 10 blocks away.

Not only was Vince smart and sweet and employed, he had privacy and a 52-inch screen TV.  They shared a passion for The Big Bang Theory, and Sons of Anarchy. Slowly, Jenny moved her clothes, cosmetics, bicycle and juicer over to Vince’s house.

If- the two were like two peas in a pod. It was cool to be a ‘couple.’ As the months dragged on, Jenny dug her heels (running shoes, flip flops, boots, Uggs) in…she had rules- he didn’t and ugly little differences reared their heads.

One week end, Vince said he “needed space” and encouraged her to pack up and  move back to her attic.

He would help. C’est fini.

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He snores, she snores Oh, the cacophony of it all!

Popular and prolific – John Gray’s bestseller, Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice, addresses a common problem, in living together

In the beginning- it was all about lingering and lingerie…

Much time is spent in a horizontal position: lingering and lounging.  After the bloom is off the rose, and you are living together and getting up every morning to go to your job, commute, the glamorous weekend life is taken on a whole new patina – heck, there is no patina – It’s rusty!

Uh-oh! From Lingerie to Sweats?

Sally complains that Mike, a Prince of a man, sounds like a machine when he’s sleeping.  Solution: She’s taken to wearing ear buds and listening to white noise as she falls asleep each night.

Mike complains that Sally is a whirling dervish when she sleeps. He loves being near her- except when she spins and flails and tosses and turns. And steals the blankets. Solution: A king-size bed.

 

There are a million stories in the Dated City

The Best Advice: To offer a formula, road map or dating directions would be fool-hardy. Every couple is unique and enters the relationship with hopes, aspirations, dreams and a full set of  emotional baggage.

Take it slow and easy

RINGGGSweet dreams

“Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.” Oscar Wilde

Experts on romance say for a happy marriage there has to be more than a passionate love. For a lasting union, they insist, there must be a genuine liking for each other. Which, in my book, is a good definition for friendship.”    Marilyn Monroe

Bronze buddah in the park

Star of Viagra commercial needs a lift?

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Who is the real star of the Viagra commercial?

You’ve seen Tim on cereal boxes, instant breakfast commercials, driving the four-wheel-drive Jeep in the snow at Squaw Valley and on a recent Viagra commercial.

He’s the silver-haired dude who ‘whisks’ the woman off the couch and walks towards the bedroom.

The Real Back-Story: Tim was a big man on campus; a soccer player and a Drama Major. He has had an attention-getting shock of white hair since college.   

He has been perceived as 20 years older in every play, commercial, and TV show he has ever been in, and there have been a lot. Through the years, his snowy mane has served him well.  His hairdresser has transformed him to be a blond, a brunette and a redhead, but his snowy-white hair is his true selling point.

 Once, Tim was a handball champion – then his back and knees gave out. So, he became a swimmer. Now 55, a true Renaissance man- when he is not auditioning or acting- he bakes bread, knits, writes poetry, does yoga, and organizes a fabulous bacchanalia in Napa every year.

Bingo!

Tim’s agent of 25 years called the say Tim got the Viagra TV commercial.  Perfect timing! The last jaunts to Burning Man and Maui were expensive and he had bills galore. Money in the bank? He didn’t give it a second thought. He received the script– did a quick scan and days later, he arrived at the studio.

Can I give you a lift?

Tim met Cassandra, his attractive costar, who was easily 20-years his junior.  Quickly, he gauged her weight at around 100 lbs. and quietly hit the panic button. The script indicated  ‘Scooping her up and off the couch and whisking her away – up a flight of stairs.’

His days of scooping-and-whisking were over. Way over.

His upper body strength was great; his back and knees- not so great. However, he was being paid a sizable sum for doing this big-time commercial. His mind was willing, his spirit was willing, and his back and knees were failing.

A real downer

Tim called his agent in a muted panic. He proposed with five different compelling re-writes for the spot. His manager knew Tim to be a silver-tongued manipulator and let him vent. He encouraged Tim to talk to the producer.

The producer politely and firmly, told Tim  “No.”

All right, All right, All right.

Tim called his ‘entourage” (his  masseuse, Chiropractor, Reiki Master, and instructed his agent to bring over a sleek, back brace, ice packs, and a bucket of Alleve.

Now you see it: One-Take-Tim

That’s the back-story of a handsome, struggling artist, who reports he  “stayed firm ” with a little help from Special Effects. Tim carried the  day and was in the gentle hands of his entourage – hours after his Big Lift.

hearts

 

Happy Birthday, G-L-O-R-I-A

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 Happy Birthday, Gloria Steinem

thank  you!

Gloria Steinem has a birthday celebration on Tuesday.

Called the “Face of Feminism,” she took the flack, the attack, and inspired generations
of girls and women to speak out and stand up and be liberated and be counted.

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Thank you, Gail Collins, New York Times columnist, who wrote “This is what 80 looks like”

Steinem’s website:

“You’ve discovered the new, official website for Gloria Steinem. Like Gloria, we’re hope-aholics. Our hope is that this site will be useful for students, reporters, and anyone else who wants to know more about Gloria’s achievements, writing, or current work.

Gloria is a writer and activist who has been involved in feminist and other social justice movements for over forty years. On this site, you will find a selection of her published articles, links to the organizations she is a part of or recommends, and a bibliography of books she has written. Also be sure to check out our Q&A page, where she answers the questions that appear most often in interviews.”

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“Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming,

we lose the excitement of possibilities.

Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” Gloria Steinem

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Single women: there are only two kinds?

Bronze buddah in the park

I met a man today who told me his secret about single women.

We were both attending a presentation about Financial Solutions in a Time of Chaos.

It was dry, boring, and depressing. At the morning break, we walked out together – both shaking our heads. I sighed audibly. He laughed and said, “Pretty grim, huh?”  He asked if I’d like to join him for a cup of coffee.

In no time, we skipped the dour/ dire topic of finance and we were discussing our social lives. The theme turned into: yours, mine and ours. Oddly enough, we had several similar Internet dating experiences.

John D, is of an age – over 70, tan, well-dressed, interesting, and a good conversationalist (i.e. he asked questions.) He claimed he had done a lifetime of insightful “Relationship Research.” His revelation:  there are only two kinds of single women in the world.

Only two?  Really? Was he cynical, calloused or correct?

A retired Fortune 500 exec, he has lived all over the world, been divorced twice, has a Nob Hill condo and a house in the wine country. He regaled me with entertaining stories about his extensive (and very expensive) decades of dating experiences.

Concluding that the two categories of Single women are

A.  The First Woman is Too Involved.

She has many friends, varied interests (enrolled in classes, takes numerous trips, belongs to a few clubs, involved in favorite charities and volunteers.) First Woman is always going someplace and is doing something.

Therefore, she has no time for a Real Relationship.

B. The Second Woman has Obligations

She either has teenagers/kids living at home or elderly parents and must attend to one or both. And, that it is virtually impossible to date a woman with teenagers.

That was it – his complete dating scenario analysis neatly tied up with a black ribbon of defeatism. Sad.

Who could I introduce him to that didn’t fit that description? I have an address book filled with the names of single female friends who are the exception to his myopic ‘Romance Research.’

The Finale: Cat Woman

Then,  John D. had to tell me about the very attractive, 60-something woman, with gorgeous, silver hair who he recently met. She revealed she loved Argentine Tango lessons and being in the arms of a man for an hour and a half. Afterwards, she blissfully returned home to the sanity and simplicity of her cat. That was all she needed a monthly “90-minute fix.”

He commented he had repeatedly met her “type.”He called it the Alone Together Syndrome. That was lost on me

Coffee turned into lunch and I gave him “My List of The Top Ten Places to Meet Women In San Francisco.”

He agreed to give it a try, and would report back. And, I did get him to admit – there are more than two kinds of suddenly single,women-round-50- in San Francisco.

“Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.”

Marx  (Groucho)

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Dating 101: Beginners luck and not really

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Her New Year’s resolution was to try Online Dating.

He was freshly divorced and  carefully crafted a Match.com profile.  Within one hour,  she contacted him. The spoke on the phone for one hour and clicked. Kismet.

He invited her to meet him at the San Francisco’s famed Absinthe for drinks. He recognized her immediately, she smiled broadly as she walked towards him.

He stood up when she approached and kissed her on the cheek. They both ordered the signature cocktail: French 75’s – Champagne, gin and Brandied cherries. The tempting pomme frites followed. Next, a dozen oysters on the half shell.

Conversation flowed easily. They decided to stay for dinner. They have been inseparable ever since. That was over two years ago.

photo_856_20060117two coffee

Melinda got her courage up – and studied Craigslist Bay Area Single Men 50 looking for Single Women 50.

Cal, the artist, caught her eye. He wrote well – seemed smart, so she sent him an email. That evening, he wrote back. The note was light-hearted. They exchanged four emails before he suggested they speak on the phone and he sent his Berkeley phone number.

Fortified by the email exchange, she called him and they fell into easy conversation. He mentioned he had an art show at a local café and his passion was painting.  Cool. They spoke on the phone for 20-minutes before she said, “Let’s meet for coffee.” They agreed to meet at the  famous, singles, meeting spot, Peet’s on Fourth Street in Berkeley.  A date!

Melinda went back to inspect his photo. The photo was taken from afar- he was her height. He looked fine.

Candid Camera?

The next day, she drove to Berkeley, arrived early, bought a cup of coffee and scored two seats outside.  And then she waited.  Every single man that walked by caught her attention.  She knew Cal was tall with dark hair.  A little after 11 AM, a man in faded, baggy jeans, a baseball hat and sunglasses approached her table.    He said, “Are you waiting for someone?”  It took her a minute to realize this was her date.  Her first thought was, “Is this Candid Camera?”

The man standing across from her was wearing tattered clothing, dirty, old running shoes, and a stained, denim jacket.  He had a two-day stubble- or a really bad five o’clock shadow and stringy hair.  He didn’t really look like his picture, did he?  She had a preconceived image of a much more handsome man. Cal was an artist, right?

He  sat down and started talking. Melinda remained stunned by his appearance. She couldn’t help but notice how down-and-out he looked.   Was she simply shallow and hypercritical? They chatted for fifteen minutes before he mentioned needing to get something out of his car, which was across the street.  He pointed to an old, beat-up, dirty van.  That was the pièce de résistance.

She did a quick analysis of the situation  and knew full well they were not match. Not remotely.

Dramatically, she looked at her watch and told him- she had to go.  She said she was happy to meet him – she wished him well saying, “I’ve got to run. Thanks, I don’t think we are a match. Good luck.”

As she climbed into her immaculate, old Honda, she repeated, “No, no, no.”

She re-examined his Craigslist ad- and the blurry photo of the guy in the t-shirt with stringy hair and all the noted subtle clues about starving artist and hardship.

The Take Away? Indeed, picture is worth a thousand words, read the fine print and take the time to ask questions – get to know someone over the phone. First.Exit Sign

“Tinder” is the night? Not so much

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Tinder is the Night?

The Big Daddy of Online dating, Barry Diller, the King of of IAC, billionaire media mogul, is the money behind a dozen of your favorite Dating Sites- including Match.com, Chemistry, OKCupid, Our Time, and Senior People Meet (See  Chart Below)

Diller’s brand-new game in town called Tinder (www.tinder.com)

Ouch! Tinder hurt my feelings

Patsy- single, bon vivant and very corporate, 43, said,  “Tinder is brutal. It hurt my feelings.”  Intrigued by the new app, she played the game: downloaded the app, did the GPS connection, and provided a handful of cute photos and connected to her Facebook page. She was ready, willing, and able to meet men her age in the San Mateo area.   Always open for new experiences, she thought Tinder would be fun and novel.

Hang ups and Hook ups?

Her experience was it was a “hook up site.” She scanned a few dozen photos of men her age and concluded that most guys only wanted to meet for a drink and then? She is more of a of “Let’s go for a hike; want to check out Santana Row, Santa Cruz Boardwalk, Carmel, the Rosicrucian Museum?”  It was all about drinks. Next.

Patsy admits she Google’s everyone she meets – all of her clients and her dates. It is what she does.

She also feels it’s important to speak to somebody in the phone before going to the trouble of hair/makeup and getting dressed up, driving to and from and spending time getting to know a new potential beau.

How dare you Left Swipe me!

On the other hand, her niece, Betsy, 25 thinks “Tinder: is the next best thing to gluten-free, low-calorie, pre-sliced bread.  She calls it the fickle finger of fate and likens it to “shopping” for a good-looking guy.   She quickly scans 50 pictures and “Right Swipes”  on a dozen guys that she thinks might be fun.  She said she’s had more first dates in three months than she did in the past three years.

Betsy was a fan of Tinder – now, things have cooled.  If you ask her about second and third dates, there’s a long pause.  She admits “Not so much” Tinder is like a cafeteria of pretty active flirting- and some hook ups and dead ends.

She calls it ‘Fishing in shallow water.’   C’est fini.

Both Patsy and Betsy are more intrigued with Whats App.

So many Apps – so little time.cupid

Big Daddy Barry Diller owns these sites you are so familiar with:

  • About.com
  • Ask.com
  • BlackPeopleMeet.com
  • Chemistry.com
  • LoveandSeek.com
  • Match.com
  • Meetic
  • Mindspark Interactive Network
  • Notional
  • nRelate
  • OkCupid
  • OurTime.com
  • SeniorPeopleMeet.com
  • SinglePeopleMeet.com
  • Singlesnet.com
  • SpeedDate.com
  • Sportspickle.com
  • Tinder (app)
  • Urbanspoon
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Life 101: Six ways to meet another single person

photo_2787_20070814Top 6 ways to meet another single person

  1. Smile
  2. “Say hey” and smile again
  3. Look people in the eye
  4. Be friendlier – say:  thank you, excuse me, pardon me…hold the door for another person…
  5. Turn off your phone-  take your eyes off your phone and look around
  6. Engage in eye contact and, the new talent you are developing: smiling

That’s it-  engaging with other people on a daily basis is a surefire,  tried-and-true,  hundred percent success rate- methodology  for  meeting new people.  It’s been working for centuries.

Being plugged into your Earbuds,  constantly connected to your iPhone,  and avoiding people  will keep you single and alone for as long as you desire.

Take it off, take it all off

That hoodie that you think is so hip and stylish?   It isn’t.  Not only does it block your vision-  and perhaps hide a bad hair day –  you are invisible.

The hat and the sunglasses?  You think you look really cool, right? No.  The whole,  very important, eye- contact and connecting with someone is missing.  If you want to be noticed and get noticed, take off your dark glasses. Remember, the eyes have it.

I know, you thought you were going to read the very best six all-time, earth-shattering, brand new, kooky, quirky ways to meet your date-for-life.

Well, you did. Kind of.

It all starts with a smile.

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The Bore Wars or Top 10 ways to ruin a date

Spelling Game says Help Me

The Top 10 Ways to Ruin a First Date

  1. Arrive late

  2. Fail to apologize for tardiness

  3. Have just eaten loads of garlic

  4. Leave your dark glasses on

  5. Snap your fingers for waiters attention

  6. Monopolize the conversation with your favorite topic: you

  7. Use lewd and lascivious language loudly

  8. Make and take cell phone calls during date

  9. Forget your wallet and ask to borrow $10

  10. Gushing with garlic, upon departure say, “Dude, this has been cool… I’ll call you.  Don’t get your hopes up…”

“There’s no excuse to be bored. Sad, yes. Angry, yes. Depressed, yes. Crazy, yes. But there’s no excuse for boredom, ever.”

Viggo Mortensen

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