Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Don’t take me out to the ballgame

men playing baseball in stadium

Bitsy, 21,  fell in love with the famous Baseball Phenom. She was his “First Wife.” She said it was like Spring Training: 30 days in the desert.

Years later, after enthusiastically playing the field – he took a second stroll around home plate and married again: his second wife, Jinx. She wanted diamonds…on her fingers not the kind at the ballpark.

He thought he was waxing poetic when he said,  “A Second Wife is broken in and knows the rules.  Our Jock gradually ascertained,  “She was there for the regular season.”

He struck out again. 

Years go by and the Baseball Bachelor is getting tired of the dating scene. He had done it: he dated so many women with so many names he reverted to calling them, “Honey” “Sweetheart” and “Darlin.” Meanwhile, all his friends were married with kids.

 He was slowing down, going gray…

The novelty of being, in a his humble opinion, the Famous Bachelor of Baseball had worn off. His penthouse /Man Cave was very cool and very empty.

He reluctantly returned to playing the field. One day,  walking down the aisles of Costco, he ran into the new love of life. Two huge Costco carts crashed and two hearts met. 

Suzie was a  challenge. She played hard to get and he was instantly smitten. He loved a challenge. Two years later, he announced to all his friends – he had finally met the woman who was There for the Game!

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So-called “Mr San Francisco” dull times three?

Like everyone else – we met “online.”

He professed to be single, social, fun to be with and a SF Restaurant connoisseur.

One email – via the dating site – a week later – one 30-minute phone call – with all the right answers. One week passes – he texts – and proposes we meet for dinner.

He said he would meet me at the famed restaurant. Okay. We met, ate, talked, laughed. When the bill arrived he let it sit on the table for 15 minutes as we chatted.

He had invited me – I allowed him to pay. If there was a ‘next time’ I would gladly pay…Finally, he picked up the check…and grew silent as the waiter scurried to and from the table.

I thanked him for a nice time – he was quiet. I climbed in my cab as we both agreed it was late. We would be in touch. 

Early, the next morning, on my way to work, I received an email from Mr San Francisco

Sweetheart:

FYI: Total cost of the bill w/drinks was almost $290 including tax, tip and the SF surcharge.  Would have been better to just skip the drinks which cost about $100 and focus on the food. right?   The appetizers were  was just ok but worth a try.  Would pass on the prawns and squash and quail.  A good night – hoped for better. Overall, it was an ok experience but can’t say that I’m a fan. Good luck.

Next!

Are you settling or just afraid ?

Take a Leap….in Dating 101

Suddenly Single... Minded

After a rocky marriage or a mediocre relationship, it can be daunting to think about putting your big toe in the dating pool. Some women are scared off by nightmare stories about online dating.

Others succumb to bad advice from married friends and family – who are clueless.

Linda is 56, pretty, smart, has a great job and has been divorced eight years. She has had a couple of crushes and a handful of dates. She met Harry through her neighbor who did a big song and dance on how reliable, steady, dependable his ol pal Harry was.

At first, Linda met Harry and noticed all of his flaws: a self-professed workaholic, a homebody with very few outside interests. She said he was an old man before his time- but, he seemed dependable.

On their first date, he took her to a steakhouse. Linda has been a vegetarian for 10…

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Dorothy the Dating Diva meets a Hay you! man, a Tin Man, a Lyin’ guy

Wizard of Ahhh’s

Suddenly Single... Minded

Dorothy, everybody’s favorite serial dater, was a peripatetic-romantic. She amazed her friends with the number of dates she went on, each week.

Testing the Waters?
In th beginning…She was a real-live dating diva on Craigslist; meeting new men every week, buoyed her confidence and prompted Dorothy to join Plenty of Fish.

She instantly learned the ‘catch and release’ practice at Plenty of Fish, and she trawled every day. She was exhilarated with coffee dates, walking dates and her favorite, ‘choose a museum and entertain me’ gauntlet.

Eventually, tired of the one site, she decided to become an active member on both Eharmony and Spiritual Singles.

Like magic, Dorothy’s calendar filled with dates. Her friends teased her that they needed a scorecard to keep track of all the men in her life.

She claimed to know, within the first five minutes, if the guy was “A Keeper” or a…

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Men at 50 – confused and crazed by women at 50?

Avoid at all Costs?

Suddenly Single... Minded

sad-man
Inquiring Men Want to Know
: This week brings questions from men about serial dating, flirting and frustration. I endeavor to answer the questions as best as I can. Send your questions, queries, and quibbles to page.larkin@gmail.com

Dear Page

My friends say I’m like the guy in the movie Networkwho screams “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” I’m really frustrated. I have been on three different dating sites in three years. No luck. I keep meeting women who send old photos, who lie about their age and smoking and who don’t seem to have an Emotional IQ   Is it me?

Just like Peter Finch

Dear Just Like Peter Finch,

While nobody said it was going to be easy, online dating should be fun, at best. Sorry to hear about your tribulations. Don’t give up.  Be more direct in your…

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She was caught in the Playboy’s web

man holding white teacup in front of gray laptop

Playboy…

Dear Page Larkin,

My best friend just told me that my former “boyfriend” is doing the Marina bar scene has turned into “Mr. Tinder”

Another friend-of-a-friend told her she had seen him on Tinder and he had been seen in the Marina with a different woman every week.

Ol Alex played me like a fiddle. We met at a bar. He was cute and flirty and claimed to be “over his divorce.” 

We actually met at my favorite pub, and I fell like a ton of bricks. What can say, I am easily seduced by flattery and he had encyclopedia of  lines. He told me I was “so cute and sexy.” Well rehearsed, Prince Charming, laid it on thick and, for some reason, I was buying.  The pub is famously noisy and one must lean in to hear.  Our knees were touching under the tiny table.

When he looked into my eyes, he touched my hand. (Electricity.) Then he asked if he could kiss me. All this is before we’ve even had our drinks served. I’ll cut the chase and just say, I fell fast and hard for this guy.

Truthfully, I’ve met a parade of guys – all only looking for a one night stand. Been there done that.  This was different.  He was sincere.

After a few drinks, and a heart to heart conversation, and disclosing  we were both looking for more than just one night stand – I went back to his place.

None of my girlfriends were shocked when I told them the Prince Charming sent me a text the next day telling me how wonderful I am.  Then, he lamented he was still grappling with the divorce and all that entailed.

Again a steady stream of compliments and then the clinker: let’s be friends. I really like him – shall I puruse this?  

Miss XYZ

Dear Miss XYZ,  You are a a smart girl. The message is so loud, so obvious and blatant: he is not that into you. Delete all traces of this prolific palyboy and move on. You are wasting time – precious time – on a real Dead End.                               Love, PAGE

dead end road sign

 

 

 

 

 

A ribald note From Auntie Mame of Marin: Dating 101 advice

Suddenly Single

(Auntie Mame of Marin is a funny, out-spoken-yet gracious old gal of 80. She paints, does yoga, explores the hills and trails of Mt Tam with a bunch of old friends – every Wednesday. Once a Sausalito fixture – Trident and Ondines- she has stories. She is a fabulous cook, a marvelous hostess and does not suffer fools gladly. She readily offers colorful tales and free advice)

 

Dear Boys and Girls

I remember, a long time ago, when the dating code was all about baseball. The ‘Next Day’ question was, “Did he get to first base or strike out?

How has it changed in 50 years?

Now, when my five girl friends get together for our monthly Whine and Roses Salon, on the pretense of discussing current events, we boldly go where no one we know has gone before. We throw off the manacles of polite society- forget that – we go for candid and candor. None of that tiptoeing around for us.

And we quickly get down to basics, and put forth the un-ladylike, yet, very direct question: “Did you get any?”

Our brothers, uncles, cousins, buddies must’ve taught us the phrase and we cling to it like expensive Saran Wrap.

At over-70, we don’t want to hear about the amusing little Petit Syrah they sipped or the Brie they nibbled with sesame seed wafers.

Inquiring minds want to know and there is no pretense here. At this stage of the game, getting anything is a treat. So, the six of us are all ears (albeit some enhanced with tiny hearing aides).

Kitty is our fearless leader and has always tested the waters well before the rest of us. Heck, she was on Match.com 15 years ago. She met Mitch online and the two of them, too proper and too shy to even post their photographs, fell in love with each other over salt-water taffy, Vivaldi’s Bolero and an affinity for Peter Max.

Their rapid and ribald romance lasted five years and the rest of us girls lived vicariously through their trips to the Santa Fe Opera, romps at Harbin Hot Springs, and weekends at the Fairmont on Nob Hill or the Ritz-Carlton Laguna Nigel.

Sadly, Mitch died way too young and Kitty has always wished to replicate the storybook romance she had with Mitch. In time, she climbed right back on that horse and started active pursuit. Her active pursuit was fodder for many a raucous Whine and Roses Salon gatherings.

Kitty talked me into going to a Speed Dating for those 50+  last year. She explained to me that 50+ was not the speed limit, but merely an age demarcation.

My kids think it’s very funny that I admit to being a” Jack Benny 39.” They didn’t think it was funny that I actually dated a man 20 years my junior.  My motto is: “Life is short – I’m not – send the tall ones my way.”

My kids don’t think that’s funny either. I’ve never been a Betty Crocker mom.

Speed Dating at a Synagogue was a riot

Fueled by Sangria and hubris, my bold sidekick, Kitty and I perched on our tin folding chairs. We each met 15 men on that cold and foggy July night. Of the 15, eight were very nice guys, each with a special something…”that only a mother could like,” quipped Rachel, our greatest wit and detractor.

We are all in the third act, as it were.

I’ve thrown away the list for: tall, dark, handsome, brain surgeon- and have re-worked and re-invented My Perfect Date should possess: Great sense of humor, smart, polite,  cordial, kind, clever, and a good listener. And: Stays awake after dinner.

So, our Speed Dating Experiment resulted in two or three dates with a couple of men- and hours of ribald discussion at our Salon. Both guys were good sports and slipped into the “Just a pal” slot.

Kitty wanted me to join her next foray into Internet Dating… Her idea? Tiptoe on Tinder… Her young cousin, Martha, met the man of her dreams on Tinder and was now happily living a life of Riley in Carmel.

Who were we to doubt?

Besides, there is safety in numbers and courage in every bottle of Pinot Noir.

Love, Auntie Mame of Marin1379402_605872199472972_240031918_n

Fun Summer Singles Events


Five Fun ways to celebrate summer for singles:

  • Get off the couch. Push away from the computer. Put the iPad, iPod, and iPhone down and go out. The only way you’re going to be seen is to go where the action is: that could be the BATS Improv at Fort Mason, Trader Joe’s, Peets, any one of the numerous local farmer’s market, Starbucks, Bakery Tartin, the Marina Safeway or Mission Cliffs Climbing Wall,
  • Cruising: Plan to take the Alameda Ferry to Rosenblum Cellars – wine in Alameda? You betcha! Great wines and a bonus: no driving or parking problems. Mark you calendar for Saturday, June 10, for Rosenblum’s  Wine Cruise. Members only – become a member…
  • Swing over to Redwood City – for Dancing in the Square– First stop: Check out the much talked about San Carlos hot spot The Refuge for the best pastrami sandwich ever and a cavalcade of choices of Belgian beers
  • Sparkle, sparkle, little twink: So, Fourth of July weekend is upon us — and offers multiple opportunities for parades, picnics, fairs and fireworks. Start planning a party or picnic.
  • Check out the small galaxy of stars coming out at the July 3 – July 7th Marin County Fair.
  • The Fourth of July weekend also offers delicious barbecues at Rancho Nicasio.
  • Improve on your Improv SEE: The BATS Main Stage Company  Bats perform at the Bayfront Theater in the Marina every Fri. & Sat. at 8pm.  (Look for Goldstar deals)

Cue: Fireworks

Make it your goal to have fireworks in your life this summer Remember: Say ‘yes’ to every ‘single’ invitation to Go Outside and Play.

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column — click the Subscribe button at the top of the page. San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com

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All Page Larkin Dating@50 Suddenly Single articles © 2019 by Page Larkin -reposts permitted with copy written notice and link to original article. All other rights reserved

Worst Date Ever? Yep.

road beside buildings

One of the worst dates. Ever.

We had agreed to meet at a place with “ambience and parking.”

I scored a parking place in front- arriving a few minutes early. We decided on trendy, watering hole downtown. Perched on a barstool, I waited. Twenty minutes later, a tall, gray haired man walked in. He didn’t resemble any of the photos I had seen online. However, he was 6’2 and was walking towards me, smiling.   He said, “Dear, you look just like your photo.”

I thought, “You don’t look a thing like yours. Dear.” He made no apology for being late.

He was wearing an old tweed jacket-probably from the 80’s that might have fit him then -not now. Chalk it up to: “Needs help.”  He suggested we move to the table in the small garden in the back. We we’re seated in a lovely area far removed from the bar. The waiter dropped off our drinks and we didn’t see him again.

 How we went from  – to his cholesterol, resting heart rate, daily exercise regime, and insomnia, I’ll never know.

On the dating profile, he indicated a passion for water sports, rowing, hiking and literature.

What he divulged was that his rowing took place in his living room-  on a machine looking at the water. He was a big Danielle Steele fan. His hikes were to and from the grocery store.

It didn’t take much to decipher we have very little in common. Although he displayed a great interest in my former husband.

Generally, my response is “That’s history.”  And I move on. However, Mr. Old Tweed Jacket was like a dog with a bone inquiring about my past. This  made him even less attractive.

I suggested we get the check and call it a day.  With no waiter insight, he suggested we simply walk out and not pay.

Then, I really knew I was with a loser.

On the way out, he went to the men’s room; I paid the bill.

As I said “Good luck,” (NOTE: that’s what women say when they have no intention of ever seeing the guy again)

 He indicated he like to “Do this again.”

I smiled, walked to my car, and drove off.    

“Not in a million years, dude!”

dead end road sign
Done!

 

Bee my honey…save the bees, please

Bee My MayBEE

Suddenly Single... Minded

bumble-bee-55264__340The Plight of the Bumblebee

Garner, a bachelor and environmentalist, loves honey and has one kitchen shelf lined with jars and bottles of the amber gold. For years, he has been dedicated to his sweet pursuit of the world’s best honey. Ironically, he’s also been questing for his sweetheart. As fate would have it, on Valentine’s Day, Garner met his honey and sweetheart, Lucy K, over a rooftop beehive in San Francisco.

Beehive and Behave …with the Real Queen Bee

According to an article regarding the plight of the honeybees, in the New York Times, “More than a quarter of the country’s 2.4 million bee colonies have been lost — tens of billions of bees, according to an estimate from the Apiary Inspectors of America.”

bee-4256031__340Why? Biologists are still scratching their heads wondering why.

While they scratched, Queen Bee, Cameo Wood, started a wonderful solution: Her Majesty’s Secret Beekeeper.

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