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Hey, Santa! The 200 words women want to hear

Santa Baby,

we need to talk.

Listen to this: reports indicate, every day, women say 1000 more words than male counterparts.

We can talk about this, if you like.

Men are way less loquacious – and they talk less, too

A random poll recently conducted at Curves, a nail salon, an OB-Gyn office and a leading yoga studio revealed:

              

Top 200 Words that Women Would Most Like to Hear Are:

1. Merry Christmas, the  little blue box is for you.

2. You are beautiful; those jeans make you look so thin and sexy.

3. How was your day? You’re brilliant. Hugs.

4. Here, darling, a couple of credit cards. Take them – go on a shopping spree. You deserve it. Macy’s  is having a huge sale.

5. Can I draw you a bath? Let me wrap all the presents.

6. Of course, I’d love to watch a chick flick on the couch with you. ‘You’ve Got Mail’ or “Serendipity”?

7. Forget the 49’ers. Let’s go walk at the beach.

8. I just called to say ‘I love you.’ Did you find the flowers I left on the doorstep?

9. You’re the greatest. Babe, sit down, watch your Soaps, I taped them for you; I’ll do the dishes.

10. I’ve got mistletoe! You and me? Away in the manger?

11. Hark! Do you hear what I hear? The kids are asleep.

12. You’re an incredible woman (wife, mother, best friend) I missed you and vacuumed the house.

Listen, women may tend to be loquacious, voluble and talkative; we have a lot to say.

A savvy Santa is perceptive and sage.

Spice up your life with the Top 200 Words Women Want to Hear.

Summer Reading: Marry whom? Him? Why not Settle?

Settle down.

The red-hot book,

Marry Him, The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

has been flying out of bookstores since it was published – causing a stir and consternation.

Author Lori Gottlieb is a controversial marketing genius.        

First, there was the well-timed flurry of Valentine’s Day book promotions, appearances on myriad television talk shows, guest column slots, and a drag- out marketing campaign, which catapulted the author into the SEO stratosphere.

Called “wise and daring” and “brutally honest,” Marry Him is a surefire bestseller because of the controversy it leaves in its wake. It all started in February 2008, when Gottlieb wrote ‘the article’ for The Atlantic.

The scathing piece, the basis for the book, was considered by many as caustic, heartless and derisive. Nothing like an effective literary attention getting device to garner great ratings.

Best Marketing Ploy for Book Sales: Controversy. Granted, women have strong and heartfelt beliefs about:

1) Marriage

2) Marrying beneath oneself (what does that  even mean?) and

3) Perhaps – choosing to remain single.

The topics are very personal and scalding hot. Does Marry Him instruct us to discard our standards, ideals, and our precious Top 10 Qualities List?

Do we merely ‘settle’ for the next guy, with a pulse, who darkens our doorstep?  I think not. But, men and women need to be open –  way open – 24 -hours a day open.

photo_7840_20081106(1)love small

I Could Have Been a Contender

Bo Derek was a “10” in the 1970’s…  Perhaps you were, too… in the 70’s.

You do the math- numbers change…bodies change and attitudes do, too. Now we are more mature, evolved, and we evaluate people less superficially- don’t we? No, Binkie, you cannot know in the first  3-minutes of a coffee date if the guy is “a keeper,” slow down and smell the coffee.

Gottlieb makes a sobering point in the  magazine article about women and all the various “dating things” we do wrong.

Many of us were raised on stories about Cinderella, Prince Charming, Wolf Ranges, white picket fences and Volvos. Some of us bought into the fairy tale and elevated ourselves high atop lofty (lonely)  princess pedestals.

Sky high, self esteem puts one just beyond the reach of really great guys. Whoops! Time to climb down, sister,  Get real, and be open.

Marry Him is smart summer reading. You want to get attention on the beach or by the pool? Walk around with this  book – see what happens.

You’ll see: the book is rife with very cogent points; chances are you’ll open your eyes, blink, and shake your head in disbelief. And, in total agreement.

All I know: Life is all about compromise, and at this stage of the game (50-something) we know that compromise is the panacea of life.

The best relationships are all about give and take. Right?

Remember: Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. And he knows it.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/03/marry-him/6651/happy woman

Are you striking out with every date?

photo_6303_20080612gloveWho is on first? What’s on second, and I Don’t Know is on third.

Abbott and Costello’s rapid-fire baseball comedy bit: Who’s on First? is a perfect metaphor for the dating game. In romance and in baseball there are wins, losses, slumps, night games and home runs.

Who

After you’ve connected with someone online, expect: The Formula. This is where you  each exchange three e-mails, followed by a phone call. A few phone calls, generally 2.5, (one message left on answering machine) may be followed by a text message or one more email. Then it happens: the line drive, maybe a double play: the coffee shop quickie where you size up one another.

Some first daters bring a mental yardstick and quickly assess the other person. Hank is a classic measurer-upper. An engineer by profession, Hank was used to the facts, just the facts ma’am. From the moment he shook hands with a woman he had romanced on the phone and via e-mail, he was calculating. It took quite a few dates and many calculations before Hank realized the ‘Velveteen Rabbit’ was a better fit for him than a Playboy bunny. Quality start.

What

Debbie D. has a different modus operandi. At least twice a week, the  staff at Pacific Catch restaurant in the Sunset District watches her meet different men for coffee. The Match.com dating diva has it down to a science. Debbie meets a man online, exchanges emails and eventually, 2.5 phone calls later, agrees to a public meeting. She casually suggests the place near her home:  Pacific Catch – note: irony. The two agree upon a time. She arrives 10 minutes early, wearing her uniform: a revealing black lululemon yoga outfit. She carries props: a copy of the New Yorker, her purse and cell phone.

She says she knows within three minutes if the man is a ‘keeper.’ She said if he looks like his picture, measures up to the height he claims, carries on a conversation, she’s interested. The coffee date could be 10 minutes or an hour, depending. Once a serious speedy-serial-dater, Debbie has slowed down and admits to be looking for a man who is “kind, open, available and geographically desirable.’ It works for her. Home run.

abbott

Why

Some singles are looking for a goal and a scoring position. Others, shy at first, balk or throw a few fastballs. There is a wide spectrum of dating styles.

You get to decide what works for you. Perhaps the fast and furious Jdate  is your style; Plenty of Fish ( the popular free dating site) may be your price range. The giant, user-friendly Match.com might be the right fit.

Time to get in the dating game? Unless you are in the game, you’ll always be wondering: Who’s on first, and what’s on second? Get in the game. Batter up!

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at PAGE.LARKIN@gmail.com

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‘Updated’ Shortest Fairy Tale – new and improved

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It went viral – The World’s Shortest Fairy Tale - was all over the Internet.

Bitter or Better?


Let’s try that again..

imagesOnce upon a time”… a man asked a woman, to marry him.  The woman said, ‘ No’ …and for a while  she lived pretty -happily-ever -after…

She went shopping, hiking, went to movies and volunteered at Casa de los Madres and Onebrick…she danced, frequented museums, book readings, drank really great wine, always had a clean house, did yoga three times a week;  cooked quinoa, tofu, brownies and  triple chocolate chip cookies when she felt like it; she did whatever she wanted, never argued, didn’t get fat, traveled more, had many friends, compatriots, pals,  buddies  …

She entertained, went to lectures, bowled, she played and prayed – as needed.  She never watched sports ( except the SF Giants, the World Series, the Super Bowl and Wimbledon)  She never wore itchy cheap lingerie; had high self-esteem, never cried or yelled…she looked fabulous in
sweat pants,  designer  jeans and a Little Black Dress  and  was pleasant all the time.

photo_1ben918_20060901Yawn. All that got old.

She learned that she was missing an important component…she craved and pined for someone  to partner with, establish  a connection – a union – a much more than mere friendship person.

She wanted to hold hands with, to wake -up -with-in-the morning, to kiss good night and wish ‘sweet dreams’ to every night for the rest of her life. ilove u_-9

She wanted a Prince of man   

A  perfect partner-in-crime, and play, in plans, to grow old with … And she opened her heart and her eyes and developed a more worldly view.  She was always one to share and play well with others…

When, lo and behold: she met a friend. A boy-friend – and they clicked- they were a Match, they had Chemistry and Harmony… they got along and enjoyed each other’s company. Friends for Life. They planned, played, and lived happily ever after.


Deckchairs with view of lake

Brooklyn men more sensitive than San Francisco? No, actually Buffalo boys win

Breaking News: the most sensitive men in America don’t live in San Francisco,

Napa, Marin, or Berkeley.

According to Barry Diller’s media mega-giant, IAC,  the phenomenally successful social empire with a thumb on the pulse of America, the most sensitive men in America do not live in San Francisco, they live in West Hollywood. Really?

No, truth be told- all the good ones - according to the most recent studies done by Chemistry.com (headed up by Dr. Helen Fisher- famed Canadian anthropologist and dating guru) live elsewhere.

Define Sensitive?

According to dictionary.com sensitive means: readily or excessively affected by external agencies or influences…having acute mental or emotional sensibility; aware of and responsive to the feelings of others.

2012 Top 10 Cities for Sensitive Men

1.            Pompano Beach, Florida

2.            Roanoke, Virginia

3.          West Hollywood, California

4.            Nashville, Tennessee

5.          Buffalo, New York 

6.            Sarasota, Florida

7.            Greenville, South Carolina

8.            Wilmington, North Carolina

9.            Indianapolis, Indiana

10.       Staten Island, New York

Sorry, Brooklyn- the male population of Staten Island and Buffalo (really?) are considered far more sensitive than all the very hip and trendy male denizens in Brooklyn. Imagine.

Where the Real Sensitive Boys Are

Men in San Francisco are sensitive. They meditate, sweat their prayers, chant at Taize, drink green tea, read Thich Nhat Hanh, thousands attended EST- decades ago, they wear pastels, read poetry, write poetry, cry at movies, hug a lot,  belong to men’s groups, open doors for ladies while cheering for the SF Giants and are very a-cute.

Sarasota, you gotta be kidding.

Top Ten Dating at 50 Rules

Top Ten Dating Rules for Girls Over 50

 

The Birthday Girls, once the brazen 49-er’s

are turning 50.

The coterie subscribes to the “Life is short, kick up your heels” philosophy. On the precipice of hitting 50 – with gusto – they created their very own ‘Un-bucket list’

Through the decades, the friends have been through the highest highs and the lowest lows. Cherie B, their scribe, writes:  “At times, life was like heaven (weddings, babies, careers, white picket fences, celebrations) and like hell (teenagers, parents dying, and making ex-husbands).”

The 10 women who met as coeds at UCLA have gracefully blossomed into women. At their big 5-0 celebration, they decided to kick up their heels at their favorite restaurant, Aziza and finish the night at Zero-Zero.

Statistics: Some Suddenly Single  – Their Creed

As fate would have it, six of the women are single and blithely swimming in, or hanging around, the dating pool.  After their celebration with champagne and exquisite pink cupcakes, punctuated with storytelling and paroxysms of laughter, the women compiled their own

Top Ten Dating Rules at 50 List

 ‘Life is Short and I Won’t Settle List

1. I won’t sit by the phone or the computer waiting for a man to reach out. I will be proactive and flirt – early and often.

2. I won’t respond to a man who sends me a photo of him hiding and enshrouded in a hat and sunglasses.

3. I won’t be impressed with anyone who sends a canned greeting (Hello Angel, does God know you left heaven?)

4. I won’t meet anyone for a date in a parking lot, a bowling alley, or the Indy 500.

5. I won’t kiss and tell, but I might kiss again. And, again.

6. I won’t hesitate to delete grumps, grouches, less than honest forthright people from my life.

7. I won’t waste time with people who see the glass as chipped, broken or empty.

8. I won’t miss the opportunity for a hug or a kiss. Holding hands is a priority.

9. I won’t wear Crocs, Uggs, Sweats, fanny-packs, Lanz nighties, shoulder pads, granny glasses or acid wash jeans. And, I won’t date a guy with a proclivity for all of the above.

10. I won’t let anyone rain on my parade. Life is a cabaret. I will sing and dance like my hair is on fire.

The robust “49-ers” default to laughing, sharing, and supporting one another.  Thirty years ago they were new at the dating game- and here they go again – back in the dating saddle. Ride on, girls. Happy Birthday.

“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.” Robert Frost

The shocking truth about women and book clubs

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What really happens in Book Clubs?

Do you really think we talk about irony and plot?

Legions of women across America gather monthly, supposedly to discuss the finer points of irony, character development, and plot vs. protagonist. Fortified by gallons of Green tea and petite cookies, they tackle the Classics, bestsellers and the selections from the New York Times Review of Books. From the outside, it appears to be an intellectual diversion.

However, here is a dirty little secret: many book clubs are really a covert way to analyze, dissect, and discuss men. Very few clubs will admit to this nefarious charge. Many groups, thinly veiled as passionate about reading, are really all about an underlying desire to talk about men, husbands, boyfriends, lovers, dating, sex, and books on the same subject.

Revelations – Not Just a Book in the Bible

A well-known book group in the Marina district, formed 15 years ago, were devotees of Balzac, Joyce, Goethe, Keats, Flaubert, Yeats and Ibsen. In 2005 they stumbled upon, and raced through the Da Vinci Code –  who didn’t? That was the beginning of the end. Once they tasted the sweet ambrosia of run-away bestsellers, all lofty goals to read great literature and share erudite observations were fini compleat.

En masse, they began to crave and seek out books of a lesser plot. Instant hedonists, they began to dabble in uncharted waters: and did a canon ball into the wide, wacky world of “Chick Lit.” In no time,  the three very prolific and real queens of Chick Lit,  Marian KeyesSophie Kinsella and Helen Fielding of Bridget Jones fame were elevated to the group’s Literary Royalty and Beach reading books became de rigueur. The once stuffy book group became literary libertines.

Tryst – Like We Did Last Summer

After a steady, frothy diet of light and airy books, the happy hedonists evolved. They began to research  and write about steamy, sexy, destinations and the best places to conduct romantic interludes. They quickly nailed San Francisco, Maui, London, Paris, and New York City.  San Francisco was nominated their Most Romantic City.  The so-called book group’s next foray is a joint effort of co-authoring a risqué ‘bodice ripper’ They are not your mother’s book club or the Jane Austen book club.  However, they are currently looking for a publisher. Stay tuned.

Here’s to the ladies who lunch

and bravo to the broads who tap out steamy fantasy for your secret reading enjoyment.

Reading is a means of thinking with another person’s mind; it forces you to stretch your own.” Charles Scribner

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Men at 50 – confused and crazed by women at 50

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Inquiring Men Want to Know
: This week brings questions from men about serial dating, flirting and frustration. I endeavor to answer the questions as best as I can. Send your questions, queries, and quibbles to page.larkin@gmail.com


Dear Page

My friends say I’m like the guy in the movie Network who screams “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” I’m really frustrated. I have been on three different dating sites in three years. No luck. I keep meeting women who send old photos, who lie about their age and smoking and who don’t seem to have an Emotional IQ   Is it me?

Just like Peter Finch

Dear Just Like Peter Finch,

While nobody said it was going to be easy, online dating should be fun, at best. Sorry to hear about your tribulations. Don’t give up.  Be more direct in your profile stating an interest in self-awareness, altruism, personal motivation, and the ability to love. Try again.

Peace, Page

Dear Page Larkin,

I’m 63, retired, divorced, healthy and look and feel the best ever. My new girlfriend is 55 and  hot. There is one drawback: she’s what you call a serial dater. She’s a gal with the ‘kennel of doggie bags in the refrigerator. She goes out almost every night- not with me. She is only free on Wednesday nights. Am I wasting my time?

Berkeley Bob

Dear Berkeley Bob,

If you are “girlfriend” is dating three other men each week, sit down; she’s just not that into you. She is obviously playing the field and, Bob, you’re not on her roster. It’s time to move on, and try greener pastures-you deserve better.

Peace, Page

Hey, Larkin,

I read your piece about ‘Men are like Champagne.’ Well, my experience says women are like eels. You can’t get a handle on them and they get away.

Morgan Hill Mike

Hey, Morgan,

Good point. There are 1 million stories ‘in the dated city’ and just as many metaphors. Following the whole fishing metaphor: I’d say the more lines you put in the water, the better your luck. See: Dating 101: Catch and Release. Have fun out there. Remember, online dating is a number’s game – and you have to get in the game to win.

Peace, Page

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at 50datesexaminer@gmail.com.

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column- Click, click, Click the Subscribe button.photo_2787_20070814

 

Top 10 reasons he is going to ask you out again

First and Foremost

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Top Ten Reasons Date #2 is a given…

1. You look exactly like your photographs and he says, “Your pictures don’t do you justice.”

2. You offered to pay half – you are obviously thoughtful and evolved.

3. You laughed – with each other – a lot. Comfort level established.

4. You both had one drink – hey, first date.

5. They are as tall or taller than you (this may/may not matter)

6.You felt comfortable and at ease with each other

7. You have things in common: similar taste in sports, books, food, movies, dogs, skydiving, etc

8 You both have had ‘challenges’ in life and survived nicely.

9. You each have an “amusing” Internet dating story. And can laugh about it.

10 You both had fun and were relaxed and are looking forward to the next date.

“Women desire men’s desire of them” Freud

San Francisco Date Night – Bridge and Tunnelers

guys i datesd
They’re Coming!

Over the bridges and through the tunnels…

They come, seduced by the Siren’s song of concerts, bright lights, the ice rink in Union Square, comedy clubs, theater, and a galaxy of two and three star restaurants. They leave the predictability and the vast free parking lots of the suburbs and head for the bright lights and sophistication of the City.

Uniformly Unique

She is brushed, buffed and shiny. Women of an age wear the classic Eileen Fisher uniform. Big price tag, clean lines, sensual fabrics; add the requisite, chunky, expensive necklace. It’s the au courant uniform of choice. A designer handbag, the size of a small suitcase, is the result of a ubiquitous knock-off purse party or the real deal. He wears the guy’s uniform: a Tommy Bahamas shirt, Tony Soprano – like slacks and Italian tasseled-loafers. Swathed in layers of wool coats, scarves, and gloves, they brace themselves.

There goes the neighborhood

The $6 Golden Gate Bridge / $5 Bay Bridge entrance fee to the City is only the beginning (ka-ching! sound of cash register ringing). Parking meters ($.25 buys two minutes) inhale quarters. Parking lots ($16 for three hours) and free valet parking ($20 service charge) are deemed highway robbery. So they pull their lips over their teeth with that faux grin and start counting. Is it worth it?

Who knew the hot, haute, hot new restaurant was in the unpredictable Tenderloin? And, the theater, too? They had to wade through a battalion of beggars. They were perplexed and chagrined to see doorways filled with men, in sleeping bags, asleep on piles of cardboard.

At Cafe de la Depressing, the lentil soup was $9. When did entrees skyrocket to $30? A trendy Thai (Got cha now?) restaurant charges $8 for a cup of imported red rice. Pricey rice? In Rice a Roni land? One drink at the hotel lobby bar was $16. Theater tickets? Priceless, because they refuse to admit what they paid for them. It was a play about a goat.

Home again, home again

The Bridge and Tunnelers are torn. Can they admit a trip to San Francisco was tedious, depressing and exorbitant? They found the restaurants too rich for their blood. The streets were dirty and a small army of homeless was sleeping in doorways. Parking was a nightmare and getting out of the jam-packed garage felt like Sisyphus – going nowhere fast.

As they pulled into their own garages, the Over the Bridge through the Tunnelers are relieved and relaxed to be home and they wonder: what ever to happened to San Francisco?

San Francisco Dating@50Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com .

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column — click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.

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