Dating at 50? Spring ahead

Who Me? Dating at 50?  Top Five Ways to Spring into Dating

It’s a well-known fact: Dating at 50 is a lot more fun than dating at 20.

Think about it: you are more interesting, smarter, and sexier and have way better life’s stories. And, you don’t have to ask your mom to borrow the car. Come on in, the water is delicious.

You’re not alone. There are 20+ million singles back in the dating game.  We may be single-so-far and looking, suddenly single via divorce, or really ready for a relationship.

Like you, many singles are bored and lonely – we may have played too much Solitaire and are ready to play a rousing game of Hearts.  And flowers … and romance.

Top Five Ways to Spring into Dating

1. Do talk to strangers. Everyday. It’s okay, and heartily recommended that you look members of the opposite sex in the eye, smile and say “Hi.” Do this o five strangers – every single day.” Have fun – spring is in the air.  Start now.
2.  Your mother was right: “Go outside and play.” It’s up to you – perform the ‘due diligence’ and find out where the action is (See: my columns: Top Ten Places to Meet Men and Women in Marin and San Francisco)   Get out of the house and join a walking, hiking, biking, rowing, kayaking, birding, debate, tennis, Ping-Pong, or spelunking club. Try Tango! Thoroughly examine Meetup.com for hundreds of organizations in your zip code.
3. Adopt and embrace the C’est la vie attitude. You know, life is short and why waste time? Throw off – (or gently remove)  that Shroud of Fear and relax into the singles playground. Tell your friends you are thinking about dating.4.
4. Be Brave.  So you are ready to start dating again? Want to get back in the saddle? Note: a virtual Greek chorus of friends and family may urge you, to get ‘Back on the horse.’  If you have images of a sweet pony-ride dancing in your head, be prepared. The 2013 foray may be a carnival ride – a-merry-go-round or  a Tilt-a-whirl – at first.
5. Research and sign up for an online dating site. Try a Free-7-Day Trial – which most big dating companies offer. You don’t need to write a thesis; answer the site’s questions simply,  succinctly with an authentic portrayal of you. Have fun. Yes, it may be exciting or make you very nervous – at first- enjoy the ride.

Some say,  “Better buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.”  But, a good ride.
Get in the game and enjoy the new adventures in the unique and novel Date World 2013. It will be as fun as you make it.

What is the best online dating company?

Today’s column is all about “The Best.” 

Is there one single dating site that is better than another? Depends- are you Christian, a cowboy or a playboy, a Geek, an Apple fan boy, a gold miner or a gold digger? There is a site for everyone.

Best Advice: Buyer Beware.

Dear Page,
Help! I just looked. There are dozens of on line dating companies to choose from. In your research, what is the best online dating site?
Paulie boy

Dear Paulie boy,
The best dating site? My opinion changes like the weather in San Francisco – constantly. Let’s see, today I would say the best online dating site is JDate Why?  Because yesterday, Maureen, a devout Irish Catholic, told me she had the very best success and romance on the famed Jewish dating site.  Maureen reminds me that JDate has a very pro-active marketing team ( read: pushy) who are forever sending their clientele suggestions, updates, and pointers on succeeding at dating.

Granted, JDate is like those kids at the high school dances that kept pushing  you on the dance floor. A little awkward in the beginning – and then, voila, you’re dancing.

Anyway, Maureen (“Be Gentile with me”) revealed that she met the love of her life on Jdate -  as fate would have it, her new beau, Sean, is also Catholic (claims he is a “collapsed Catholic”) and yes, they met on the Jewish dating site.

Perfect Match is a lot like flypaper – express an interest in them once and they swarm you with emails. Tread lightly.

Chemistry.com is Match.com’s more expensive stepsister. Exactly the same as Match with a twist and a turn here and there it makes for a good change of pace. If you get bored by Match – quit. Dabble in a new site. You can always go back to Match.

MillionaireMatch – Be careful out there- if it is too good to be true – (See: Two Worst Dating Sites)

Is EHarmony a waste of time and money?

There are some (read: thousands) who are totally seduced by the wonderful television campaign ads touting the magic of EHarmony.  Others will tell you it takes forever to fill out the 50-plus pages of mind-numbing questions and that the results are glacially slow. Really, really slow. And, other people say they been extremely happy with the pace and the product of EHarmony. Your call.  See EHarmony: like the titanic or a kayak?

Double Dipping: Try Two Dating Sites at Once?

Dr Diane Kirschner, the lively and popular author of Love in 90 Days suggests signing up on two different sites – concurrently. You might want to try a free site and sign up for a “reputable” site.

Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid are  famous, fast, and free – and, it has been said, you get what you pay for. It is a fun and easy way to test the waters. Take a look. (See:  Say OK to OK Cupid)

Got Class?

Another reader is a total cheerleader for Classmates.com – she re-connected with a high school acquaintance and they are now in the happily-ever-after chapter of their lives.

Meetup.com is a veritable gold mine of opportunities for meeting people with interests that match yours- hiking, biking, wine tasting, art, spelunking – there are groups for every taste.  Take the  time to plug in your zip code and interests. Every day, there are dozens of events  in the the Bay Area to choose from.

Go out and have some fun!What About Craigslist?  See: New to Online Dating

See: http://suddenlysingleminded.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/new-to-online-dating-sample-free-sites-craigslist/

Is San Francisco friendly? City Slickers or slackers?

I Say: Play Hard and Work Soft

In my small rural hometown, I noticed most people say ‘hello’ and ‘good morning’ and ‘hi’ as they get to work and play in the morning.

Eye contact is involved. People wave and nod to one another. Men and women- alike – hold the door for one another. You hear, “thanks” a lot.

I think there’s more hand-holding in that small town, per capita, than there is in all of San Francisco.

This more convivial behavior is not Amish, Quaker or Mormon. It’s just another mindset. Maybe it’s a throwback to the 50′s. It is very Mid-West.

I’m told in San Francisco there’s more emphasis placed on Career Success, than (sit down, drink optional)   Relationship Success.* What’s up with that?

 

Why is merely “being friendly” so foreign in San Francisco?

After a week of this time-travel-world, I recently returned to the City.  As my luggage came off the carousel, I was forced back onto the merry-go-round of San Francisco, where we go so fast, we miss meeting one another.

We’ve all got a blog, we’re Linkedn and were on facebook, matchme.com or Eharmony. We belong to social clubs ~of some sort… and still it is like two ships passing in the aisle at Trader Joe’s?

Did you ever think that just as you’re going out the side door of the store- with exactly the same carefully selected food items in your recyclable bag- that I’m about to buy the same items? And, I too, will walk out, alone, with my recyclable bag?

Revolving doors?

Did we both just work out, see the same film, and go out to dinner with single friends? What are the chances we ski, hike, ride, walk, stroll, or spelunk in the exact same location at different times?

Whether it’s a merry-go-round or teeter-totter – it is a bizarre time to be at the Singles Playground.

I’ll go out on a limb – unless the ground rules change to involve more social interaction-  like simple  “Hey,” Hello,” Hi,”  and “Good mornings”

we will all be living single solitary parallel lives – so close – and, yet so far away.

I say play hard – work soft.

* Dr Tom Lewis – UCSF

 

 

 

 

After the Break Up:Top Four Tips for Moving On

Move on, dream on, dream big

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Okay, life happens.

So you got temporarily toppled by a rocky, challenging chapter in life

(a separation, divorce, break-up, hiccup- call it what you will.)

At one point, friends may tell you it is time to get back on the horse.   Oh,you’ve never ridden a horse?

Okay, time for a new metaphor: get back on the bike. What? You say the sleek and fancy, tres cher, Titanium (too Specialized? Too Trek-y?)  bike with tires as thin as black licorice intimidate you?  You prefer a pastel pink Schwinn bicycle with fat tires and pink streamers flying in the wind? Take it at your own speed.

Get Back in the Dating Game

Whatever mode you decide upon – it is time to dream big and move on. Sure, your heart might have been hurt or shattered. Take the time to do the grieving; stick pins in the voo doo doll; write in your journal; take long walks and short naps and snap out of it.

You can do this. It’s time to take the shroud off your heart and get out there and dabble in the Suddenly Single Playground of Life, aka Dating World.

Top Four Tips for Moving On and Into a Real Social Life

#1. Get out. You aren’t going to meet anyone in your living room. Get out of the house.

#2. Go where the action is: – not the library, not the far left front pew at church or synagogue. See– Top 10 Places to Meet Men.

#3. Tell all your friends you are ready to date. Sign up for online dating – today, the top three sites are Match.com, Chemistry.com, and the glacially slow and methodical, EHarmony. They spend more money on advertising than the next 10 sites, combined. There are hundreds of sites –buyer beware as you review some of the more bizarre – fly by night-  dating sites.

Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter:

Catholic Date is too Opus dei…and OMG, Atheistdate.com is too trippy. Millionairematch.com is rife with ethical  problems, and the infamous Ashley Madison is the adultery niche market. Any dating site with the word “adult” in it the title will not be PG-17.

#4. Flirt Often. Once you are on – up and running on a dating site – for the best results you must: Flirt three times every day.  Send a short – one line note to – three different people – every day. What to say? Easy:  “Enjoyed reading your profile. We have some things in common. Take a look. Hope to hear from you.”

Make it simple, succinct, polite, and inviting. Go ahead – give it a whirl… Leave Heartbreak Hotel and move into happier spaces and places.

The best half of your life is waiting.

I believe that it’s better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.   Mae West

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined.” Henry David Thoreau

All Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner articles © 2012 by Page Larkin; r

Top Ten First Date Buzz Kill Topics

 Page Larkin’s Top Ten Buzz Kill Topics

to Avoid on a Date

In polite society there are certain subjects one evades and escapes. It’s what we do.  Everyone knows a first date can be very much like that famous Charles Dickens line about the best of times and the worst of times.

Did I Say That Out Loud?

First date? The best thing you can do is relax and be aware of what you say and how much information you share.  When ‘suddenly single’ people meet for the first time, they may be nervous and may blather on mindlessly. You want to avoid doing that. Seriously.

This is one of those times to be mindful of the conversation and the subject matter. As you navigate merrily down the stream (of consciousness), be aware several subjects you should avoid like the plague.

In Random Order- First Date Subjects to Keep Away From:
The Top Ten Buzz Kill Subjects:
1. Plagues (i.e. frogs, gnats, flies boils, livestock, locusts)
2. Your Ex and your exploits – b-o-r-i-n-g
3. Your problematic divorce
4. Your problems (mental, physical, spiritual, emotional)
5. Details of your recent dates: good or bad or ugly
6. Deaths, dying, funerals – cast a pall on most meetings
7. Misbehaving kids. Don’t play the game: ‘My Kid is Worse Than Yours’ on a first date. Ever.
8. Financial plights and problems
9. Recent forays into rehab, the slammer, big house, or correctional facility
10. Politics can be incendiary. Tread lightly and practice diplomacy. Take a pulse before leaping into a potential inferno. Fox-TV, The Newt, The Mitt,  are not loved by all.
What Can I Say?

Yes, cards should be placed on the table. Choose your cards wisely.  Honesty is always the best policy…however, in clichéd reality: discretion is the better part of valor. First impressions are lasting and first dates can only lead to a second date or a “Don’t call me, I’ll call you. Maybe.”
San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com. Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column — click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.

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All Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner articles © 2012 by Page Larkin — reposts permitted with copyright notice and link  to original article. All other rights reserved.

How Rude! Page Larkin’s Easy Dating Etiquette Tips

Heard horror stories about rude online dating behavior?

 Page Larkin’s Five Online Dating Etiquette Tips:

1.) Respond, sil vous plait or You talkin to me?

The biggest complaint heard from online daters is about the lack of response. Hey kids, here’s the rule: if somebody takes the time to drop you a polite note of interest – you have a responsibility to answer back.
(Note: If the message is wacky, bizarre or peculiar- or the person sending it appears to be all of the above, you need not reply- simply delete and move on.)
However, new dater, if you receive an email from someone – okay, maybe not your ideal mate – maybe not even close – but he or she took the time to write you a note. Your job? Write back. Not a tome – not a poem – a simple message along the lines of, “Thanks, we are not a match – good luck in your pursuits.”  That’s all. Simple and sweet.

2.) Can You Please Say Thank You?
The men have spoken and complain loudly some women barely utter a “thanks” after a date. Hello, ladies? Are you Ms Manners or missed manners?

3.) Hit-and-Run
Knowing full well that online dating is truly a numbers game, (See Catch and Release in the Coy pond) there are some who send out a dozen “winks” every day. What is a wink? A wink is the lowest form of online social connection. It requires little time or effort.  It involves the wannabe dater to click a tiny icon, which sends a message to the recipient, indicating absolutely no effort made. How popular is a wink? Many online dating profiles start with, “No winks, please.” Translated: “Come on, and make the effort to write at least one cogent sentence.”

4.) Talk, Talk, Talk
Okay, so you are fascinating and you don’t mind telling everyone. One of the biggest buzz kills on a first date? The non-stop talker. It’s okay to be nervous. It’s okay to be chatty. It’s a mortal sin to blather on and neglect asking questions. Save the monologue for a Stand-Up routine.

5.) The Houdini Disappearing Act
So you‘ve exchanged a half dozen emails – share many of the same “likes”, seem to have a little chemistry- and boom! They are gone.

Not a word: text-email-nada. What’s up with that? Are they players? Fakes? Voyeurs? Or just plain rude? If, at any juncture, the chemistry isn’t there – politely bow out of the conversation with a well meaning, “Thanks for the conversation, enjoyed it and wish you all the best.” Yes, that’s a lot better than nothing.

Can’t we all just get along? Be nice. According to Greater Good in Berkeley – being kind –(polite) – will make you happy.

Be polite; write diplomatically; even in a declaration of war one observes the rules of politeness.  Otto Von Bismarck

No L-o-v-e? Facebook says Christmas is break up time

Tis the season to be jolly?

According to Facebook,

it’s the War of the Roses time

and breaking up

is de rigueur.

Research done by the elves at Facebook reveals that Christmastime can be called ‘Merry X-miss.’

Afraid of Another Silent Night?

Finding yourself suddenly single can make the Christmas holiday a totally new, sometimes unsettling experience. These can be the times that try men’s and women’s souls, stamina, and spirit.  Business Insider reveals that David McCandless did the due diligence on dating and breaking up by examining trends on Facebook. Research indicates breaking up at the holiday season is a so-called tradition. Blue Christmas, indeed. And, you don’t even want to know about Mondays.  Is there really such a thing as Empirical evidence from Facebook? Who says if it’s from Facebook, it’s got to be true?

If your December dilemma

Once you were  half-of-a-couple, now you find yourself flying solo – what do you do? Get off the couch, push away from the computer and go out and play. Wear red. Listen to Christmas carols. Invest in mistletoe and wear a sprig on your lapel or on your hat.  

Scour the Pink Section for fun events; read Johnny Fun Cheap; say ‘yes’ to every invitation to go out; go dancing; see the beautiful decorations on Union Square; master the art of making latkes; learn the words to ‘Mele Kalikimaka‘; throw a Christmas party – at home, with friends, in a small café or a pub.

Got Dates?

A passel of people (see movie Love Actually) who find themselves in the dreaded  ‘kiss-free mistletoe zone’  actively seek out sweethearts for the season. These pro-active romantics re-up on Match.com, Craigslist, Eharmony, or Plenty of Fish.

Follow suit: they smile and say, “Hey” at Trader Joe’s, Bryan’s, Safeway and default to jolly and bright.

Some say lose the Santa hat and lead with a hearty “Merry Christmas.” (Don’t waste one minute debating the PC-ness of wishing everybody a “MC”)

And, don’t let a statistic get in the way of having a holly-jolly holiday.

Your mother was right: Go outside and play!

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin,welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com

Part two: Top ten places to meet men in San Francisco

 Looking for a few good men…

Mae Wests aid: “It is better to be looked over than overlooked.”

It is harvest time. Odds are, she would tell you to push away from the computer, get off the couch and out of the house in order to meet your playmate, soul mate or new best friend.

The Top 10 Places to Meet Men in the City – Part Two

6. California Academy of Sciences – Thursday Nights at the Academy –No other place on Earth has a planetarium, an amazing natural history museum, an incredible aquarium and a 4-story rain forest under one roof. The Academy is breathtaking, dazzling and awe-inspiring. For a mere $12 on Thursday nights from 6pm -10pm, come join in on the music, activities and one of the best events anywhere in the City. ( The DeYoung Museum has Friday night events, too)

7. Join a Club that is of interest to you, and they will follow. Suggestions? Sierra Club, a biking clubs, a writer’s group,  a hiking group, book clubs, film groups. Check out Urban Diversion. Go to Meetup.com, which has vast, long lists of social groups to join from: Arts and Entertainment to Zydeco.

8.Volunteer at Special Events- There is no dearth of opportunities to volunteer in and around the City. For instance: the San Francisco International Film Festival, the Mill Valley Film Festival. Don’t miss Litquake, San Francisco’s most literary party -an October happening. Lend a hand at  St. Anthony’s, or any number of Wine Tasting Events, Sierra Club hikes, the Human Race, various Writer’s Conferences. The big bonus here is that when you volunteer you get to attend the venue for free and mingle with the attendees. More altruistic? One Brick has myriad volunteer opportunities and ‘provides support to local non-profit and community organizations by creating a unique, social and flexible volunteer environment.”

9. To Gym or Not Gym – that is the question. A casual poll among friends, and a few strangers leaving 24 Hour Fitness, indicates no one admits to going to a gym to meet someone. My friend, Shawn, says the Universal Sign for ‘do not talk to me’ is ears stuffed with earphones. She says she takes the high road (or the Hi road) and says ‘hey’ to every man in the gym wearing earphones. She candidly reports, that despite the noisy naysayers, the gym is the best place to meet men.

10. Hardware Stores- Some men are real ‘Week End Warriors’ and they frequently go to worship at the altars of Home Depot, Lowe’s and Brownie’s Hardware. Men love saws, drills, bits, tool belts and workbenches. This is the very best place to start your home improvement project and to ask questions. If you want a guy to carry a ‘torch’ for you or get a ‘quick grip’ and be a ‘fan’, hit a hardware store.

Can we talk? Girls just want to have a chat…

 It’s a fact: women tend to be more glib and voluble.

Girls just want to have dialogue

For the time it takes to push your cart through the checkout at the grocery store, two women can share a succinct, lifetime of information.

A simple, “Love those shoes,” can launch a conversation covering shopping, kids, schools, sales, babysitters, therapists, recipes, divorce attorneys, events, and books. All this before checkout.

Dr Tom Lewis, the darling of San Francisco’s famed Fromm Institute, lecturer and co-author of the book, A General Theory of Love, said findings indicate women say 1000 more words, every day, than their male counterparts. We can talk about this, if you like.

The San Francisco 3-D Club

It started with three newly divorced women who were 50-ish, avid movie buffs who had coffee and dialogue once a week.  Over the next few years, their numbers increased and a monthly dinner meeting replaced the coffee date. When the group hit 20 members – the membership doors closed. Though many knocked, wanted to join and would “pay anything to join” the eclectic, energetic group said,  “No more girls allowed.”

Each quasi-clandestine meeting has an emcee, a film reviewer and a “Top 3-D List” compiled by the host. The “Top 3-D List” is made up of three things that are divine, decadent or benevolent. In addition to being film junkies, the group has altruistic bent and has quietly supported St. Anthony’s, OneBrick, Community Thrift and the Casa de las Madres, the Pachamama Alliance, and the Avon Breast Cancer walk.

While there are no dues and no don’ts, the group has a philosophy steering clear of the negative and emphasizing the positive. They are positively social and the Club has an unspoken, “Girlfriend, have I got a guy for you” component where sometimes members introduce their male friends and colleagues to other members.

As a result, some wedding bells have pealed and repealed.

Members who have re-married have their own private club- couples only.

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”    Swedish Proverb

Flirting? Top 12 – Best Pick Up Lines

There are no rules when it comes to using Pick Up Lines – all the world is a stage – and both girls and boys get to play.

Once upon a time…a long time ago, there were two, and only two, tried and true Pick Up Lines: “Do you come here often?” and “What’s your sign” were once the holy grail of  Pick Up Lines. And, believe it or not: they worked. 

Now the bar has been raised at the bar,  the cafe, the courts. Everywhere. Creativity breeds content. Women are just as entitled and expected to extend an opening line.

Twelve Pick Up Lines, including a clunker, a loaner, a groaner and a few fast ones.

1. Don’t I know you?
2. Have we met? Would you like to?
3. Sorry, I have to ask, How was heaven when you left it?
4. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
5. Excuse me, if I followed you home, would you keep me?
6. What time do you have to be back in heaven?
7. Are you going my way?
8. Did we go to school together? I could swear…
9. May I have directions, please? (“To where?”) To your heart.
10. Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And, whoa,  I’m lost at sea.
11. Pardon me. Are you religious? Because you are the answers to all my prayers.
12. You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.

Try one – try them all.  What do you have to lose? Pick up lines and ice breakers are a means to an end – create your own – and have fun while playing the dating game.

Under the speed limit – send me your best line: page.larkin@gmail.com

San Francisco Dating  docent  Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at 50datesexaminer@gmail.com.

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column-