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Archive for the tag “Senior Dating”

Dating at 50 – When do you move in together?

photo_10108_20090419roseTo move in or not to move in: that is the question

Sherry (admits to “over 50”) and Claude (62) met online. They exchanged four e-mails, enjoyed two lengthy phone calls, and on the first date, both were very carefully falling in love.

 They both like Woody Allen, Mountain Winery concerts, old San Francisco, traveling to Santa Fe for the opera, Carmel, Wagner, and visiting National Parks.  She likes fiction. He likes nonfiction.  He loves butter, cream, and eggs.  She’s more of an advocate for quinoa, vegetables, and exploring the aisles of Whole Foods.

 They were the same age, had been through painful divorces, had launched their kids, were finishing up careers and both were seriously thinking about retirement.

 He has a condo in San Francisco on Nob Hill, a doorman, spectacular views of both bridges; rarely drives – walks everywhere, and knows San Francisco like the back of his hand

 She lives in a tiny cottage in Redwood City- with a charming garden, a hot tub – there is no lawn to mow, no big home to maintain, just sunny weather, parking galore, and she has privacy, solitude, and a huge deck for entertaining –which she does with great frequency. She belongs to a book club, a Pilates class, and volunteers at film festivals and the Museum – he says she has ‘a Rolodex full of girlfriends.’ She works from home for three very demanding clients.

A Moving Experience

 On their one-year anniversary, they drove north on Highway 101 to the Victorian village of Ferndale and explored the area and the beautiful redwood parks.  Over crab cocktails at Lazio’s in Eureka he suggested she move into his spacious condo in San Francisco.  He had a second bedroom that could easily be made into her office or study.  He listed the many positive aspects of living in San Francisco – such an exciting location and – more importantly- of living together.

 She was thinking of the whipping winds and fog rolling in, parking challenges, the din of the neighborhood, the claustrophobic feeling of being so close to your neighbors, no garden…her mental list of “cons” grew incrementally.

 She was very happy with their arrangement. They were together all weekend and one or two nights a week.

 Two of her 50-ish friends had ‘living situations’ with beaus – they kept separate residences and saw one another frequently. The couples said they embraced their privacy and alone time and claimed they were very happy with the arrangements. She pondered.

 Moving in together and moving away?

 Then his boss offered him a position in New York as VP of his department.  The assignment would be for 18 months with the caveat that he would return to San Francisco six times a year for meetings.

 The offer was a promotion with great benefits – and would most likely be his last position with the company.

Thrilled at the prospect, he called and invited her to join him on this new adventure.

  She had been to New York several times and  loved the exciting city.  As she started thinking about crowds, noise, winter weather, and the distance from her family and her friends her mood changed.

 Her best friend said, “Go for it! It’s only for a year or so and you’ll come back here every few months. Just do it.

 Candace, her neighbor – an Eileen Fisher model, 65, tango dancer with a shock of silver hair said, “Men? I go dancing once a week.  I just want to be in the arms of a man for one hour –and then go home to my cats and I’m happy.”  Another cat woman?

 She was dizzy with input from her myriad friends and her love for this man – who was kinder, more thoughtful and generous than anyone she had ever met. She looked forward to their weekends together and suffered withdrawal when he left her on Sunday evenings…

 Things fall into place

 Her best friend from Albuquerque took an artist in residence gig at the Oakland Museum and needed a place to stay – voila: the perfect house sitter.  She told her clients of her plans. No one batted an eye.

She had a family and best friends meeting and affirmed the news…

 She spoke to her accountant, primary physician, and her hairdresser and – all systems were “go.”

 After one exhausting visit to Manhattan – locating and deciding on their new address – and much preparation- packing, planning, organizing -combined with several Going-Away-for-Awhile-Parties- the couple  was off. 

Bon Voyage!

 Let the adventure begin. Would you be as brave?

 

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Best advice for online dating: Keep it simple, sweetie

Bronze buddah in the parkKISS: Your Dating Profile

Whether you are on your virgin voyage – writing your very first online dating profile – or re-writing it for the tenth time,

avoid TMI  (too much information.)

  Leave something up to the reader’s imagination.

Coy and cute is far superior to a barrage of cold, hard facts linked together like a shopping list. Okay, so you are proud of your car, career, cats, kids, kayaking prowess, philately or church choir debut. Merely listing these attributes or accomplishments is dull times three.

And, yes, it’s great your kid just graduated from an Ivy League school – however, all that bragging about your offspring (a la Pimp My Kid) might just as well be mentioned later. Every day, there is a new parade of hopeful romantics who sign up for Match, JDate, and Perfect Match and Plenty of Fish – your goal: grab attention, quietly.

Don’t try this at home

Remember: quirky isn’t cute; it’s been done and it’s a bore. The 2001 photograph of you dressed as a French maid or peeking over feather duster may garner the wrong kind of attention. And, writing your profile – from your dog’s point of view – may have been funny for a sixth-grade assignment, but not at this juncture.

Bragging about your myriad accomplishments – medals, trophies, and clubs? Slow down and wait on that. Finally, thinking about blasting or attacking your evil Ex?  Fuggedaboutit. No one wants to hear about your divorce – or your colonoscopy. Seriously.

It’s all about you.

Take the time to look at what other people your age are writing. Review the profiles of people your own age.  Check out the competition. Some dating profiles will inspire, others will bore, and some may spark your attention. It’s called ‘comparative shopping,’ and it works.

So, bravo for you – and have fun as you navigate the waters of the dating pool.

“I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.” — Mae West

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com. Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column — click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.

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All Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner articles © 2012 by Page Larkin; reposts permitted

 

Men at 50 – confused and crazed by women at 50

sad-man
Inquiring Men Want to Know
: This week brings questions from men about serial dating, flirting and frustration. I endeavor to answer the questions as best as I can. Send your questions, queries, and quibbles to page.larkin@gmail.com


Dear Page

My friends say I’m like the guy in the movie Network who screams “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” I’m really frustrated. I have been on three different dating sites in three years. No luck. I keep meeting women who send old photos, who lie about their age and smoking and who don’t seem to have an Emotional IQ   Is it me?

Just like Peter Finch

Dear Just Like Peter Finch,

While nobody said it was going to be easy, online dating should be fun, at best. Sorry to hear about your tribulations. Don’t give up.  Be more direct in your profile stating an interest in self-awareness, altruism, personal motivation, and the ability to love. Try again.

Peace, Page

Dear Page Larkin,

I’m 63, retired, divorced, healthy and look and feel the best ever. My new girlfriend is 55 and  hot. There is one drawback: she’s what you call a serial dater. She’s a gal with the ‘kennel of doggie bags in the refrigerator. She goes out almost every night- not with me. She is only free on Wednesday nights. Am I wasting my time?

Berkeley Bob

Dear Berkeley Bob,

If you are “girlfriend” is dating three other men each week, sit down; she’s just not that into you. She is obviously playing the field and, Bob, you’re not on her roster. It’s time to move on, and try greener pastures-you deserve better.

Peace, Page

Hey, Larkin,

I read your piece about ‘Men are like Champagne.’ Well, my experience says women are like eels. You can’t get a handle on them and they get away.

Morgan Hill Mike

Hey, Morgan,

Good point. There are 1 million stories ‘in the dated city’ and just as many metaphors. Following the whole fishing metaphor: I’d say the more lines you put in the water, the better your luck. See: Dating 101: Catch and Release. Have fun out there. Remember, online dating is a number’s game – and you have to get in the game to win.

Peace, Page

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at 50datesexaminer@gmail.com.

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column- Click, click, Click the Subscribe button.photo_2787_20070814

 

Daters: Beware the hoax – and the hustle

PILTDOWN MAN  was the hoax of the century.

However, the famous Kurt Vonnegut MIT commencement speech,   Wear Sunscreen, has to be right up there with the Top 10 Internet Hoaxes. Vonnegut is famous for his writing, especially: Slaughterhouse Five and Breakfast of Champions. Both were mandatory reading in the ‘70’s for members of the Boom Boom Generation.

Vonnegut, an icon and a hero, supposedly delivered the 1997 speech at MIT.

It was a shopping list of life’s lessons filled with glib advice and

pithy pointers on living well and coloring outside the lines:

  1. Do one thing every day that scares you.
  2. Sing.
  3. Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
  4. Floss.
  5. Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.
  6. Remember compliments you receive.
  7. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
  8. Keep your old love letters.
  9. Throw away your old bank statements.

10. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Unlike many commencement speeches, the clever discourse both resonated and inspired. Myriad copies of the speech flew around the world via e-mail and bounced off one country and ricocheted back. In reality, the piece was written by a well known, highly respected, columnist by the name of Mary Schmich of the Chicago Tribune. For a long while, as the hoax simmered and sparked, Schmich received zero credit for her well constructed, witty, life’s lessons. Another life’s lesson: you can’t believe everything you read.

Caveat Emptor- in Dating World

As you meander through a forest of on line dating profiles, remove your rose colored glasses. Learn the all important skill of reading between the lines. Remember the funny and fowl line: if it looks and quacks like a duck- he is not a prince in shining armor. Truth is divine. Dance like no one is watching.

Buyer Beware.

Tell me about it. Have you been hoaxed or punk’d? page.larkin@gmail.com

Top Ten Romantic Places to Kiss in San Francisco

The Top 10 Romantic Places

in San Francisco

Everyone knows the San Francisco is the consummate romantic Mecca and there are dozens of romantic places to buss/smooch/osculate and kiss

The Top 10? After much research ~ I can heartily attest:

1. The Top of the Stairs at Broadway and Lyon – the view, alone, will take your breath away. It’s a secret place, off the beaten track and and it inspires romance.

2. Under the Clock of the Ferry Building

The Golden Ghetto ~ on Saturday mornings ~ the sight of the famous Farmer’s Market. See the aubergine and tangerine, enjoy quaffing champagne, or sample at the Caviar Bar, select divine picnic items, revel in the sweet smells of butter, sugar and cinnamon wafting from the numerous bakeries, indulge in a Blue Bottle coffee…enjoy the towers of stunningly beautiful fresh flowers, and gaze at the Cowgirl Creamery cheeses…walk along the water …Everything is pretty darn seductive and suggestive. Can you say: An Affair to Remember?

3. The corner booth at The Grand Café (Geary and Taylor) It’s all about location, location, location. Sexy, seductive, alluring and private. Ambiance. Fabulous hors d’ oeuvres and great mixologists.images

4. The Make Out Room named appropriately, you don’t need another clue. Stimulating venues.

5. The Tonga Room At the Fairmont ~Nob Hill. Yum~ Drinks with tiny umbrellas – tropical atmosphere and It’s like the Tiki Room without the birds~ Nowhere else in San Francisco can you kiss in the rain forest.

6. Sweet – As you leave divine and sublime XOX truffles in North Beach- with a small box of San Francisco’s real “treat” ~The quality and richness of the 27 unforgettable tiny chocolate kisses – and yummy flavors are sure to entice~

7. Palace of Fine Arts San Francisco’s most majestic and remarkable shrine…originally created for the 1915 World’s Fair by the incredible visionary Bernard Maybeck …near the columns, under the statues of weeping women, at the lagoon or undulating grassy area.

8. Golden Gate Bridge, anytime of the day ~ must be midspan…even with the infamous summer fog and wind whipping about – The GGB is one of the City’s most romantic and frantic destinations.

9. The Pier – Crissy Field, the only pier pressure, you will find us from your gull-friends swooping overhead. 360 degree views …Crashing waves, frothy white caps, sometimes blue skies and a breathtaking skyline.

10. The Conservatory of Flowers in Golden Gate Park the spun sugar palace, replica of Kew Gardens, is all good things: sultry- sexy and steamy. Bonus ~Beautiful flowers in abundance. A Must: Buss behind the begonias…

So, get on the buss~ Everyday is Valentine’s day in Romantic San Francisco~~~

“The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge, but imagination.”      Albert Einstein

San Francisco Party boy quits the dating game?

Mitch, the famed Party Boy, of six parties a week,

would glide into a room to a sea of handshakes and a cyclone of air kisses.  If you looked up the word bon vivant in the dictionary, Mitch’s picture would be there: a tall, dark, handsome party boy.

Divorced for a dozen years he was on the party circuit.  He was the party circuit. Jealously, his friends dubbed him, ‘Scout.’  In jest, women called him Casanova. Yes, there’s an ounce of truth in all jest. At one time in his life, Mitch was famously flirting or hot to trot; now, the only thing haute he was after was cuisine.

Give Up the Chase?

After years of the hunt – catch and release -and after one too many first dates – Mitch decided to throw in the towel. Not only did he throw in the towel, but also he laundered, folded, and put the towel away.


He did something none of his friends had done before: he gave up the chase. He reconciled to be a bachelor – forever.

He was lucky to have a plethora of female friends. There were women he went to movies with, women he hiked with, and a couple other women he went with to shows and dinner. In the grand scheme, there wasn’t one single woman to whom he was attracted.

Along Comes Sally

And then Mitch met met Sally. They noticed one another in line at a weekday matinee. Both were going to see “Of Gods and Men”There were only a handful people in the theater – and its the kind of movie you just have to talk about afterwards. After the movie credits, they walked out together and started talking.

They walked next door to Starbucks and discussed the movie, world politics, other favorite movies, books and life – for two hours. Mitch suggested they move their discussion few blocks away to Pesce on Polk Street And that was the beginning – a chance meeting – a year ago.

After a lousy experience on Perfectmatch.com,  Eharmony and Craigslist, Sally had sworn off men. She had no intention of ever again playing the dating game. Then, when she least expected it, she met her date for life. It happens. 

Remember: Be open to new experiences. Talk to strangers- flirt early and flirt often.

Page Larkin, San Francisco author, dating coach and dating docent offers a 3-hour Inspired Dating Workshop

“Online Dating: Get Your Mojo Moving” in San Francisco

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at page.larkin@gmail.com.

Absolutely what not to wear at 50: playing dress up?

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“Fashions fade, style is eternal.”

Yves Saint Laurent

Prolific Romance writer, Danielle Steel, complains vehemently  that  women in San Francisco don’t dress well.

In a Wall Street Journal article she commented that San Franciscans all look that they are ready ‘to go camping.’  She said that City Girls were simply too casual – tromping about in hiking boots and shorts.   Is there truth in all jest?

Take that off: it’s not Halloween and you’re not 15

Okay, so the Steve Urkel nerdy-look (fake, over-sized, glasses with plastic black frames, tight flood pants, plaid shirts and striped T-shirts, Beatle boots) is de rigueur for the teens and 20’s in San Francisco. Even GQ has a new stable of hipster wannabe teen models – wearing yellow shoes, “pegged” plaid plants and hats half-cocked.

Kids! You’ve got to love them- not dress like them.

Dress Your Own Age

Tiffany, 20-something, complains that her mother (49 and holding) dips into her closet and borrows her clothes- including her Uggs, Crocs, hoodies, and Jeggings. In an effort to stave off Father Time and Mother Nature, Mom tries to dress down a decade. Or two.

Not a Good Look-At your Age

Miniskirts, T-shirts and belly-button displays –those days are over, Binkie. Skin-tight tops, hip-hugging-for-life jeans, which don’t fit – sorry, Sally. That ship has sailed. The cold hard truth: a plus-sized body – or a mother pushing 50: back away from your daughter’s closet.  Ms. Steel would agree.

If Nobody Will Tell You

Never ask a sales clerk, “Do these $200 jeans and this $300 top make me look young?”  No salesclerk, on commission, is going to say, “Ma’am this is the Junior’s department, you should really be in the Mature or the Big Mama’s department, I’m just saying.”

Take a look at the much celebrated TV Show, “What Not to Wear” Then hit the library and peruse a copy  of How Not to Look Old.

Remember, Oprah? She still is offering advice about dressing up and dressing your age.

Say Au Revoir, Good bye, Adios, and Ciao to the Oldies – Not Goodies

  • Souvenir T-shirts
  • T-shirts with anything written on them
  • Overalls
  • Ripped jeans or acid-washed jeans
  • Shoulder pads
  • Overalls
  • Flannel shirts
  • Muumuus
  • Elastic-waist pants
  • Granny panties

Finally, let it be known: there is a moratorium on all Holiday sweaters (especially sweaters with pumpkins, Santa, reindeer, teddy bears)

“Fashions fade, style is eternal. Yves Saint Laurent

froggg

Page Larkin, San Francisco author, dating coach and dating docent offers a 3-hour Dating Workshop

“Online Dating: Get Your Mojo Moving”

in San Francisco
Saturday, October, 13 10 AM to 1 PM
Cost: $85
Limit: eight to a class
Bring your current online dating profile, photos and a Dream Date List

(more information with Enrollment)   an open-mind, a sense of humor, and a desire   to get in the dating game to play and win.

Enroll at Page.Larkin@Gmail.com

How Rude! Top 5 Dirty Dating Deeds

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Whoa – there are way  too many  horror stories about rude online dating behavior.

Need to brush up on your etiquette?


 Page Larkin’s Five Online Dating Etiquette Tips:

1.) Respond, sil vous plait or, You talkin to me?

The biggest complaint heard from online daters is about the lack of response. Hey kids, here’s the rule: if somebody takes the time to drop you a polite note of interest – you have a responsibility to answer back.
(Note: If the message is wacky, bizarre or peculiar- or the person sending it appears to be all of the above, you need not reply- simply delete and move on.)
However, new dater, if you receive an email from someone – okay, maybe not your ideal mate – maybe not even close – but he or she took the time to write you a note. Your job? Write back. Not a tome – not a poem – a simple message along the lines of, “Thanks, we are not a match – good luck in your pursuits.”  That’s all. Simple and sweet.

2.) BehaveCan You Please Say Thank You?
The men have spoken and complain loudly some women barely utter a “thanks” after a date. Hello, ladies? Are you Ms Manners or missed manners?

3.) Hit-and-Run
Knowing full well that online dating is truly a numbers game, (See Catch and Release in the Coy pond) there are some who send out a dozen “winks” every day.

What is a wink? A wink is the lowest form of online social connection. It requires little time or effort.  It involves the wannabe dater to click a tiny icon, which sends a message to the recipient, indicating absolutely no effort made. How popular is a wink? Many online dating profiles start with, “No winks, please.” Translated: “Come on, and make the effort to write at least one cogent sentence.”

4.) Talk, Talk, Talk
Okay, so you are fascinating and you don’t mind telling everyone. One of the biggest buzz kills on a first date? The non-stop talker. It’s okay to be nervous. It’s okay to be chatty. It’s a mortal sin to blather on and neglect asking questions. Save the monologue for a Stand-Up routine.

5.) The Houdini Disappearing Act
So you‘ve exchanged a half-dozen emails – share many of the same “likes”, seem to have a little chemistry- and boom! They are gone. Not a word: text-email-nada. What’s up with that? Did their spouse find them playing on the computer – with you?

Are they players? Fakes? Voyeurs? Or just plain rude? If, at any juncture, the chemistry isn’t there – politely bow out of the conversation with a well meaning, “Thanks for the conversation, enjoyed it and wish you all the best.”

Yes, that’s a lot better than nothing.

Can’t we all just get along?

Be nice. According to Greater Good in Berkeley – being kind –(polite) – will make you happy.

Be polite; write diplomatically; even in a declaration of war one observes the rules of politenessOtto Von Bismarck

 

sad man

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at page.larkin@gmail.com.

Sex on the beach – a 30 year Retro-spective

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When you’re 18, and a boy asks you to go to the beach,   you grab your parent’s Pendleton blanket, dash out the door, and go to the beach. You are probably wearing jeans and a hooded sweatshirt.

In college, when a guy asks you to go to the beach, you pull the blanket off the bed in your dorm room and locate 2 cans of Budweiser beer. You’re probably wearing a sweatshirt with your school logo and jeans.

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In your 20s, when a man asks you to the beach, you grab a tattered quilt from a roommate’s closet, you grab a bottle of Mountain Red, a wedge of brie, a loaf of French bread, two glasses, paper napkins, and your Swiss Army knife. You’re probably wearing an embroidered peasant blouse, your sweatshirt from college and jeans.

In your 30s, when a friend asks you to the beach, you get your Pendleton blanket, your Swiss Army knife, a decent bottle of Pinot Noir, a small, inspired meal including: a green salad, French lentils, two kinds of cheese, grapes, both crackers and a baguette, cloth napkins, truffle brownies, and you place everything in a well appointed picnic hamper. You are most likely wearing a pair of designer jeans, a T-shirt, a hoodie and a leather jacket.

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In your 50s,when a man asks you to the beach, you get your Pendleton blanket, you find the sunscreen, your hat, your sunglasses, get a cashmere wrap to go over your cashmere hoodie, pull a great bottle of Copain Pinot Noir from your wine stash, throw together a picnic including an impressive triple cream, imported fig jam, a loaf of that great Acme bread, some of the fabulous Swiss chard with garlic and potatoes and the balsamic vinegar reduction you threw together, melon slices and grapes, two lemon tarts and your Swiss Army knife.

You easily locate the small serving platters, cloth napkins, a tablecloth, two Reidel glasses.

You pluck a rose from your garden and locate that little vase to put it in. Everything fits in the lovely, antique picnic hamper you have had forever. You put the cat out, turn the answering machine on, find that old, worn and comfy sweatshirt from college, slip into your faded pair of jeans and drive over to pick him up.

“For times they are a changing…” Bob  Dylan

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at: page.larkin @gmail.com

Don’t miss – a single Page Larkin column – click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.

Hey- you talkin’ to me? Where to talk to another Single

Here are the Top 10 Places to Encounter /Engage in conversation with one “Single Person” this week end.

Wondering Where the girls are and

Where the boys are?

Start Talking

1. At a San Francisco Giant’s game – watching the game on TV, listening to the game on a radio…

2. Get in line? At the Take Out Counter: Deli/ the bakery/ Philz Coffee, Starbucks, Walgreen’s/ Merry’s/ Mollie’s/ Trader Joe’s….

3. Wine Stores – it’s where we go – looking for a Pinot Noir… and a bon soir

4. The Library/ Bookstores – yes, it’s okay to talk in the library: speak.

5. In that long long line at the Airport ( hey, even the short line)

6. Waiting for the Ferry (bus, jitney, metro, taxi, pedi-cab) Strike up a conversation? Why not?

7. On the beach, on the river, in the park, at the very end of Mountain Run, or beginning of the trail…Say hi, hey, good morning…

8. Dog Parks – every hour is Yappy Hour. There are countless opportunities to encounter a kindred ‘must like dogs’ types.

9. Wine (Beer, Sake, Champagne) Tastings. See Rosenblum Cellars - a San Francisco ferry ride away -  this week end for a divine wine time.

10.Your Best Bet:  The Grocery Store – Safeway, The Market, Trader Joes’s, Rainbow, or Whole Foods. Okay, even Costco.   Start talking…


The Truth:  All the world is a stage and, you are a character.

Act like one- all you have to do is: say ( choose one) “Hey, hi, hello, good morning, excuse me, hello handsome!”.….

Need a  pick me up or a pick up line?

                                                And, you’re flirting

Overheard at The Ferry Building,

Saturday morning, ” Hey, you look like my next boyfriend.”

Bravo for putting it out there…gales of laughter are better than the sounds of silence.

What do you have to lose?   Start talking, already.

A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.
Mark Twain

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.
Mark Twain

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