The Top Seven Places to Break up in San Francisco

 

The List: Seven Best Places to Break Up in San Francisco.

Breaking Up – just like the song – is hard to do. Really. I’ve done it so many times I have become an authority on the subject.

“Some people come into our lives and leave sweet footprints on our hearts and we are never quite the same…other people come in and tap dance or stomp all over our hearts and we need a transplant…”

The following are the  Top 7  Places to Break up in San Francisco.

1. The Palace of the Legion of Honor.  After 10 a.m. before 5 p.m.

If you’re going to sever contact it must be done in a public place.  And have parking.  And a view.

Under Rodin’s “The Thinker” is perfect – on so many levels- historical and reeking with symbolism.

2. Gino and Carlo’s in North Beach.

Best Saturday Afternoon break up Site 

You won’t be noticed crying in your beer here. Majority of denizens are male, over 60, with red rimmed eyes and pasted to barstool. Let’s just say – the natives don’t get restless at G n C’s…and you can deliver walking papers – and disappear. Head over to XOXO Truffles on Columbus Avenue.

3. Bill’s Hamburgers on Clement St.

Weekdays 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. ~ perfect timing. Lively noisy, good atmosphere and servers have a sixth sense about leaving couples alone. Say your piece. Peace. And leave. Feel like walking? Ocean Beach is nearby… Harding Park and the Cliff House both within a short distance.

4. The Palace Hotel Market Street and Montgomery

It’s elegant and historic. Just like your relationship. The hotel housed presidents and starlets and has been the scene of mayhem and murder. It has withstood earthquakes and could withstand your trembler of a breakup. Do it in the Maxfield Parrish Pied Piper bar, teeming with the self-absorbed ~ and they will not notice you. You’ve got the security of masses of humanity, great art and a sumptuous men’s club atmosphere.

5. The Philosopher’s Club- West Portal- near the Tunnel.

This is a sports bar with herds of 20s and 30-year-olds and die hard drinkers. An ideal location for the hasta la vista, bon soir, ciao, speech. You can easily meet, greet, and breakup and walk out to catch the J., K., L., M. car and be home in less than an hour.

6.The Labyrinth at Grace Cathedral. On Nob Hill

The contemplative way. Meet at Grace Cathedral at 430PM on Thursday. Tell your soon to be EX you want to walk the labyrinth- inside. Revel in the peace and solitude of the labyrinth. Rehearse your breakup speech. When you finish, Slip into pew in the back of the beautiful cathedral.

Keep it short. Keep it sweet.  one-sided. Wish him or her goodbye.

And walk to the sanctuary and be seated. Lose yourself in Evensong from 5:15 p.m. to 6 p.m. and breathe.

Be with your thoughts. You Be in the presence of angels- the Cathedral boys choir. Take the time to revel in the day and the future.  The bar across the street at the Huntington Hotel – is another sanctuary.

7 .The Cliff House

Downstairs at Lookout Point. Overlooking Ocean Beach. Perfect location – birds swooping over the water, waves roiling – ocean sounds as a backdrop.

There’s something very soothing and calming about watching waves. It helps with the pacing of your message and easy parking makes for a facile departure. Free Parking. Golden Gate Park minutes away.

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Life is just a bowl of cherries, don’t take it serious, its mysterious. Life is just a bowl of cherries, so live and laugh and laugh at love, love a laugh, laugh and love.

Bob Fosse

Top Ten – where the boys are in San Francisco

Where does a woman in San Francisco go to meet men?

Extensive research indicates that men generally are not at the yarn store, in yoga classes, in cooking classes or attending a spirituality weekend. Remember the 1960′s bikini-beach-boy-meets-girl movie, “Where the Boys Are”? Take a page from that book.

Finding your true north

Today it doesn’t require a GPS, compass or a map to locate men in San Francisco. Seek and you shall find. The first installment:

The Top Ten Places to Meet Men

1. Giants Baseball Games – There are more single men at one Giants game than all of Union Street on any four Friday nights combined.

You do the math. Baseball is bigger, better and more entertaining than the old stand bys: NPR, the New Yorker and Meet the Press.  At a Giants game you get a whole team (25 men on a team – 9 on the field). These athletes are all at the top of their game, literally. In addition, you get shopping: T-shirts, accessories, hats; granted, orange / black is the complete color palette. There is a Jumbo-tron for even more sensory overload- exciting music, food and drink everywhere and a totally convivial atmosphere. What’s not to like?

2. REI – Guys are into verbs.

They run, jump, jog, hike, climb, camp, spelunk, swing, hit, paddle, row, lift, toss, throw, thump, thwack, bounce and batter…you get the idea. And what better store to buy all those handy objects to do verbs with? REI is the ultimate sporting goods store. Also Sports Basement and Sports Authority.

The strategy, ladies, is to ask questions. As a rule, men who frequent sporting goods store generally know from table tennis and fly rods and avalanche transceivers. Care about a carabiner? You’ll learn ‘quick-draw’ has nothing to do with guns and that information on the Seven Simple Machines you learned in sixth grade may come in handy (pulley, lever, wedge, etc.) If you want to know the difference between tents and tense –ask a man.

3. Wine Tasting Events – See the Chronicle’s Pink Section  for great updates on the 4-1-1- for Wine Events. We are very fortunate to live in Northern California and to have Napa and Sonoma mere miles away. Wine can be a pleasure, a hobby, a passion and a necessity. Well known fact: men flock to wine tasting events.   See  “ Top Ten Things to do in San Francisco”

Fall is in the air and the Wine Country is humming, “I’ve Got a Crush on You.” It’s that time. Remember in college you asked every guy you met, “What’s your major?” Now the query of the age is, “What’s your favorite wine?”

4. Dog Walking – Crissy Field, Fort Funston, Stern Grove, I know a woman who borrowed her neighbor’s Black Lab to use as a prop when she walked through North Beach, and that’s how she met her beau. Yes, a new meaning to ‘attention getting devices.’ Dogs: not just man’s best friend, anymore.

5. Andronico’s/Mollie Stones – Mondays and Friday night – 6pm – 9pm.Mollie Stones and Andronico’s are teeming with single men. Women tend to shop on Saturdays and Wednesdays – and men tend to shop on Friday/Monday (yes, this applies to Trader Joe’s, Rainbow and Whole Foods)

For more info: See Saturday in San Francisco and Tomorrow’s column:             The Conclusion of the Top Ten Places to Meet Men in San Francisco. Observations re: Getting Specialized with Bicycles, golf, more wine and the gym.