Are you suddenly single: divorced, separated, widowed – alone?

You only live twice

 Today, a half-million of us are hovering around 50, suddenly single again, and starting a new chapter – whether we are widowed, divorced, retired or just tired – with the kids finally launched…Now is the time: Your Turn. Get ready to take time for you.

Just Do It?

After decades of caring for spouses, bosses, kids, clients, aging parents, volunteering and balancing – all of the above – now it’s your time.  Don’t waste another day.

You want fries with that? Exactly what do you want?

 For some, finding yourself Suddenly Single can be like the heavens opening, choirs of angels singing Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah, ‎a balloon drop, confetti falling and a cacophony of Veuve Cliquot champagne corks popping.

Others might have a more subdued reaction to finding themselves alone – again – fearing an Eleanor Rigby life.

 Kids, Try this at home: Take a pen and paper; take moment to think, then write-down “The Top 10 Things I Want Right Now.”

Your “I Want Now” List could include a nap, a lover, a dog or a ticket to Miami, Mexico, or Montréal.

 Maybe you want an iPad, a standing/weekly movie date, banishing the grey and going Blonde, a Bunco group, a clean garage or a new pair of Mephistos or Manolo Blahniks. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to go to ‘Sweat Your Prayers’ in Sausalito on a Sunday or Friday night parties at the DeYoung, or to take beginner Tango lessons in Berkeley, or any classes at the Learning Annex. Do it.

Have you wondered where the Andy Goldsworthy art-pieces are in San Francisco are? Find them. Take a tour. Discover Dynamo Donuts Evensong at Grace, Litquake, Bay to Breakers and volunteer someplace fun – like a film festival – not a church. Invite a friend to join you.

Read the San Francisco Chronicle Sunday Pink Section, the Pacific Sun and Johnny FunCheap’s list of events all over the Bay Area. Make a point to do something really fun every week. No holds barred.

Go outside- breathe- walk. Explore San Francisco and all it has to offer.

 If you can dream it – you can write it – put it out there.

 Helga D.  mentioned to her neighbors, just in passing, she wanted a new bike and , bingo – they gave her an older Specialized bike they didn’t use. Brigid told her Pilates buddies she was finally ready to date…slowly and – girls being girls- suggested a guy or two-for her trial dating foray. When Anne P.  was setting up her new newly divorced apartment – she had little or no furniture – Bob and Pam from her school were moving in together –had duplicates of everything and gave her a couch, table, and chairs. Kismet.   

Tell your friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances what you are looking for – put it our there – and see what happens.

Then tell me: page.larkin@gmail.com

 

Got time? You’ll need it for EHarmony

After years of being married to Mr. or Mrs. Wrong and the ensuing divorce, many of us quickly sign up for Internet dating. Inspired by those romantic EHarmony ads on TV, we bite.

 15,000 People Complete Infamous Questionnaire Daily

It can take in excess of 90 minutes to complete the extremely long questionnaire: comprised of 426 seemingly inane questions covering “29″ dimensions. Who knew there was life after the Fifth Dimension?
Finally, you pay the  hefty $60 for a one-month membership. EHarmony claims the quality of the service and that new-fangled “sophisticated matching algorithm” and unique personality analysis, are so worth it. You be the judge.

 Good News- Bad News

After signing up,  you receive an analysis of your personality and a description of your “perfect mate.”Okay, most of us are seduced by flattery and EHarmony will send pages of prose extolling your virtues. You may be honest, loyal, and steadfast like a Boy Scout. Or eclectic, eccentric and exceptionally unusual. To say EHarmony paints with a broad brush only begins to describe the way they analyze your attributes. Bottom line? We all want to see a long list of perfect match -Prince or Princess Charmings.

From all the TV ads, couples evidently connect at breakneck speed. There seemed to be a lot of happily- ever- after- going on, right?

  Hurry Up and Wait …

Then, much to your chagrin, you learn what the term ‘glacially slow’ means.    A glacier moves one tiny fraction of a millimeter of an inch every several thousand days – just like EHarmony.    Okay, so the exact glacier mass measurements are fiction — but the fact that EHarmony is slow is pure fact.

It’s incredibly, mind numbingly, slow. Be prepared to wait, for a very long time.

Just like Christmas Morning?

Annie, an ‘EHarmony Escapee’ and one of the Yoga Babes said this about her so-called Perfect Matches:

“One man lived 95 miles away and was three inches shorter than I am in my stocking feet. Next, Lauren, a cattle rancher near Reno liked chess and NASCAR.  Me? Not so much. He was 14 years older than I am. Next, Frank of Santa Rosa (doesn’t anybody live in San Francisco?) was a pilot, a triathlete and made his own beer. Granted, I have a preconceived notion about triathlons and I won’t try an athlete who trains 20 hours a week. I want a guy who likes to walk on the beach, not swims to Alcatraz; I like taking a leisurely ride through Golden Gate Park; not at breakneck speed.

The final ‘exact match’, or so they claimed, was Roland from Fresno. He liked cigars, port, his Bible and his six greyhounds- dogs, not buses. My allergies kicked in, just reading his profile. We didn’t have a thing in common.
So, what I hoped would be like ‘Christmas morning’ was more like three lumps of coal. I quit after one month of disappointment.    I’m now on Match.com and happier with the results.”

Worth a Try?

One size does not fit all and, yes, there are tens of thousands of very happy members on EHarmony. The website   is a treasure trove of opportunities: you can order flowers, Fandango tickets, buy insurance, and, yes even prescription drugs; there are pages and pages of pretty mild dating advice. Seriously. It may be a perfect fit and first step for your lifestyle and expectations.

Don’t miss the ever-optimistic EH Project Wedding site.

Bottomline: You don’t know what you like until you’ve done some research. Try new avenues, new techniques and new dating sites. Most important? Be sure to have fun on the quest.

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” Vincent van Gogh

Like Playing ping pong underwater

Try Discounts Here

Page Larkin, San Francisco author, dating coach

and dating docent offers

The  3-hour Inspired Dating Workshop

Online Dating: Get Your Mojo Moving”

in San Francisco

Saturday, 10 AM to 1 PM

• Cost: $85
• Limit: Sixteen  to a class (SOLD OUT)

• Bring your current online dating profile, photos and a Dream Date List (more information with Enrollment) an open-mind, a sense of humor, and a desire to get in the dating game to play and win.

Enroll at Page.Larkin@Gmail.com

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at 50datesexaminer@gmail.com.

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column- click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.

Spring time in the City – three great dates

Spring has sprung and, yes, Virginia, there is more to

a great date than just ‘dinner and  a movie.’

The Bay Area has no shortage of fun, unusual, diverse hot spots…

The depths and doldrums of winter prompt you to appreciate the more sublime aspects of springtime: warm weather, blue skies, sunshine, and acres of tulips, daffodils and cherry blossoms. Pack away your black sweaters, fleece jackets, pants and pull on pastels. Now is the time for white – everything.

#1.  The Clement Street Crawl

Start the day at the very popular and delicious Q. Restaurant. Have a mimosa and wait for your table. Vitamin C never tasted so good. After a remarkable meal there, start your journey. No one can be on Clement Street without stopping at the famous Green Apple Bookstore. It has to be one of the top three, best independent, bookstores in all of California.

Continue on your merry way and walk the full-length of Clement St. to the Legion of Honor Treasures form the Louvre, wander the hollowed halls and drink in the diverse, exquisite art. There is a lovely little café downstairs.

Next, hike around the breathtakingly beautiful Land’s End. Grab a 38 Geary bus back. Check out the movie schedule at the unique independent, Balboa theater or hit the Kabuki Springs and Spa for a massage or ritual steam, dip, and shower.   Hungry on Balboa? Don’t miss the sublime Balboa Teriyaki  3536 Balboa – 751-8895 -  simply divine  sushi, bento boxes, and “rolls”

#2.  The San Francisco Walking Tour:  Embarcadero and North Beach

Meet at the Ferry Building and choose from the embarrassment of riches: create a picnic from the delectables found at the Farmer’s Market. Start by walking the full-length of the Embarcadero towards North Beach. At Powell street, turn left, walk to Washington Square tuck in to  your yummy picnic.

Feeling energized? Walk up to Coit Tower for one of the best ‘Views of the Bay’ in the area. (Research the fabulously wealthy and eccentric  Lillie Hitchcock Coit)

End the day with a glass of bubbles at the Top of the Mark Hopkins and make plans for the evening.

#3 Getting Nautical 

Take the Larkspur Ferry from San Francisco, sit outside and bask in 30 blissful minutes of water, land and sky; upon arrival, walk across the huge parking lot to the Larkspur Landing Shopping Center. You can explore and hike the quarry, grab a yoga class, visit 24 Hour Fitness or get lost in Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Dining choices runs from really great beers to Three Twins Ice ream, the new and very popular Bel Campo, Miette…and a dozen other options. Sunday brings a parade of Food Trucks…

Yes, the Larkspur movie theater is steps away or you can catch a Marin /Golden Gate Transit bus and spend the day exploring beautiful Marin County. Pick up a map at the AAA office.

Happy Spring!

See An Ideal Saturday in San Francisco

It’s spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you’ve got it, you want – oh, you don’t quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! ~Mark Twain

Dating in San Francisco sucks: top three reasons

San Francisco may very well be a world-class city; one of the most desirable places to live and the

‘Crown Jewel of California,’ but it sucks to have to “date” here.

Why?

The Top Three Reasons:

1. The Weather
2. The Parking
3. The Traffic

#1. Sunny California is a PR Hoax

In June, July, and August, you pull on your heavy coat, muffler, gloves and boots. The groaning foghorns haunt the early morning air – keening. And warning you about the weather of the day: thick, wet, gray, and fog – again. Your hair will be a mess. Curly hair goes “all frizz.” (Tip: BART over to sunny Berkeley and shop at the mind blowing Berkeley Hats for a warm summer chapeau.)

Don’t even try meeting on Nob Hill in the summer months- be prepared for whipping winds and freezing fog as you cross the street from the Big Four, or the Fairmont’s Tonga Room to the Top of the Mark.  The wind tunnel as you leave The Clift hotel is equally as egregious.

All your friends in San Rafael, Walnut Creek, and Burlingame are wearing sexy sundresses and your enshrouded layers of wool and fleece. The message: -flee the City!

2. The Traffic

So maybe you ride your bike to work from the there- is-no sun-in-the-Sunset District. (Another marketing hoax)

However, you loathe the “Wiggle Room” bike path on Oak Street where multiple copies of show-off Henry Ego swoosh by- with nary a “on your right.”

You see a bike accident every day and decide to go ’public transportation.’

Hello, MUNI?

Have you ever taken the 38 Geary at 6 PM to get downtown? It is a plethora of winos, derelicts, and bizarre del mundos, and, no, they will not give a seat to a lady. There you are teetering on your Manolo’s, wrapped in a scarf, heavy coat, a warm hat – (from Berkeley Hats) gloves and you notice the inmates are running the Asylum.

So, taxicabs are the answer-and they aren’t cheap (I do love DeSoto cabs and Flywheel.com)

3. Perfectly Putrid Parking

If you drive, you know parking costs are astronomical and parking tickets are like snowflakes in the East. They’re everywhere. Armies of rabid meter maids circle the Marina, Union Street, Union Square and SOMA – shooting tickets with great speed and alacrity from their ticket guns- earning that over $90 million revenue in parking tickets for the City.

A First Date

In June, Jill from Brisbane agreed to meet Michael R. at the Hamburger Bar atop Macy’s On Union Square. It was a “first date: and special.

No one told her it was prom night, free-movie on Union Square night, and the Apple convention. As she blithely approached the City, the traffic came to a grinding halt.  She turned to KCBS 740 AM for the traffic: Nightmare on 101. Too late to try Highway 280.

She sat seething – for one hour- then was advised by her date- he checked - every parking lot around Union Square was ‘full.’ He suggested they meet in Brisbane- free parking, no fuss, and no muss. She liked him already.

Bridge and Tunnelers swarm into the City on weekends. They come wide-eyed and optimistic. They leave – with pockets empty, parking anger on “high” and fed up with the traffic.  Big Buzz kill.

Backup on the Golden Gate Bridge and the Bay Bridge can be catastrophic.

So there you have it.

The weather sucks, parking is ephemeral, and traffic is like sludge. Other than that, San Francisco rocks!

Your cheating heart: monogamy vs monotony?

When we left her, our heroine, Monica, had just ditched Mr. Polyamorous 

(Come on! I want to date you – and, you – and you)  and was moving on.

   The Date Watchers were discussing cheating, “sharing” and polyamory. They concluded they were all much more Pollyanna than Polyamory.

What happened to Pollyanna?

A week after checking the “Opt Out” box with Mr. Ménage a Many, she was on the elevator at the 450 Sutter Medical Building and ran into an old (50-something) college friend, a dentist, widowed a year before, and a ballroom dance aficionado. From the 24th floor to the lobby they chatted, laughed and agreed to go dancing and now, they are making beautiful music together. It happens.

Mad About You…and You… and You

Monica, 55, (the ink on the divorce papers was barely dry) had to chime in with her tale of “Whoa.” She recently signed up on two online dating sites. Smiling like a Cheshire cat, she said she been blissfully dating – multiple men. She was like a kid in a candy store. She bragged she was making up for lost time.

The other women listened as Monica regaled them with her tales from the crib. Thirty dates in thirty days sounded impressive and exhausting. Would a diabetic coma follow her sweet overload?

Two of the women agreed they experienced that same the same post-divorce-euphoria, to a lesser degree. The consensus was that hyperactive, Monica should slow down and smell the flowers, instead of mowing them down. She was the classic too much, too soon, too fast, fey divorcee.

Monica said she was upfront with each of the three men she was dating. The first guy said, “Hasta la vista, baby,” and walked out; Number Two wanted to woo Monica and was willing to stay in the game; Number Three said “…give me a call when you’re done experimenting.”

Can You Spell STD?

The wine continued to flow, as did the opinions. Yes, of course, all agreed life is short, however they also encouraged Monica to slow down, take precautions, get tested, and focus on quality, not quantity.

Lynne, the wise said, “Monica, sweetie, you’ve got ADD. You have all the classic symptoms of Affection Deficit Disorder. It’s been a long time since you have had any action; all of this serial dating is just frothy, light and fun. Get it out of your system and then get real.”

The women raised their glasses in unison and said, “Here’s to those who love us, and here’s to those who don’t, a smile for those who are willing to, and a tear for those who won’t.”

Monica, of the ‘get in the last word’ countered with,

Remember what Mae West said,” Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!”

Cheers.

Top ten ways to get your Valentine’s Day mojo moving

Valentine’s Day is a sugar rush for See’s Candy

and for Hallmark cards.

Florists are in seventh heaven with dozens of acres of red roses bought and sold this week.

What about the rest of us, sweetheart?

Remember: Valentine’s Day is about happy hearts, hugs, flirting, wearing all shades of red, pink and crimson.  February 14^th is the one day of the year we can “Blame it on Cupid” while we gather up courage to flirt early and flirt often.

Top Ten Ways to Get your mojo moving and in the mood for Valentine’s Day

1. Say ‘hi’ to that cutie you see every day
2. Smile at strangers
3. Send Valentines wishes (roses are red, violets are blue, meet me at…)
4. Invite a ‘hearty’ acquaintance to join you for a walk through the Presidio – and a drink at Presidio Social Club
5. Wear red – all week long
6. Buy “Big Hunk” candy bars for all your girlfriends. Give away Hershey kisses
7. Text, twitter, e-mail, and nudge your friends on Face book: reach out and hug someone
8. Make Valentines; check out Free Range Stock for fabulous photos
9. Meet at the beauteous Palace of Fine Arts  Learn about San Francisco hero,  Walter Johnson, who saved the once dilapidated – now most romantic -landmark
10. Invite a small group to meet at Amoeba Records, agree upon a romantic comedy DVD; have dinner and Sangria at Cha-Cha-Cha ; watch the movie with red wine and red velvet cupcakes, Sweet!
11. Send everyone you know a simple “I love you” message -pay it forward
12. Create a CD of all your favorite romantic love songs – share – Besame Mucho!

Everyone loves to be remembered on Valentine’s Day.

Buy yourself flowers

Have a happy healthy heart!

Hey, Santa! The 200 words women want to hear

Santa Baby,

we need to talk.

Listen to this: reports indicate, every day, women say 1000 more words than male counterparts.

We can talk about this, if you like.

Men are way less loquacious – and they talk less, too

A random poll recently conducted at Curves, a nail salon, an OB-Gyn office and a leading yoga studio revealed:

              

Top 200 Words that Women Would Most Like to Hear Are:

1. Merry Christmas, the  little blue box is for you.

2. You are beautiful; those jeans make you look so thin and sexy.

3. How was your day? You’re brilliant. Hugs.

4. Here, darling, a couple of credit cards. Take them – go on a shopping spree. You deserve it. Macy’s  is having a huge sale.

5. Can I draw you a bath? Let me wrap all the presents.

6. Of course, I’d love to watch a chick flick on the couch with you. ‘You’ve Got Mail’ or “Serendipity”?

7. Forget the 49′ers. Let’s go walk at the beach.

8. I just called to say ‘I love you.’ Did you find the flowers I left on the doorstep?

9. You’re the greatest. Babe, sit down, watch your Soaps, I taped them for you; I’ll do the dishes.

10. I’ve got mistletoe! You and me? Away in the manger?

11. Hark! Do you hear what I hear? The kids are asleep.

12. You’re an incredible woman (wife, mother, best friend) I missed you and vacuumed the house.

Listen, women may tend to be loquacious, voluble and talkative; we have a lot to say.

A savvy Santa is perceptive and sage.

Spice up your life with the Top 200 Words Women Want to Hear.

You MAE go WEST, young man

Mae West Quotes

A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.

A hard man is good to find.

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.
A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that’s subtraction.

A man in the house is worth two in the street.

A man’s kiss is his signature.

A woman in love can’t be reasonable – or she probably wouldn’t be in love.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,   but with somebody else.

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.

 

Any time you got nothing to do – and lots of time to do it – come on up.

Any time you’ve got nothing to do and lots of time to do it come on up.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won’t be avoided.

Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.

Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.

Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.

Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.

I always say, keep a diary and someday it’ll keep you.

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

I believe that it’s better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.

I didn’t discover curves; I only uncovered them.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.

I like a man who’s good, but not too good – for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.

I like restraint, if it doesn’t go too far.

Summer Reading: Marry whom? Him? Why not Settle

Settle down. The red-hot book,

Marry Him, The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough has been flying out of bookstores since it was published – causing a stir and consternation.

Author Lori Gottlieb is a controversial marketing genius.        

First, there was the well-timed flurry of Valentine’s Day book promotions, appearances on myriad television talk shows, guest column slots, and a drag- out marketing campaign, which catapulted the author into the SEO stratosphere.

Called “wise and daring” and “brutally honest,” Marry Him is a surefire bestseller because of the controversy it leaves in its wake. It all started in February 2008, when Gottlieb wrote ‘the article’ for The Atlantic.

The scathing piece, the basis for the book, was considered by many as caustic, heartless and derisive. Nothing like an effective literary attention getting device to garner great ratings.

Best Marketing Ploy for Book Sales: Controversy

Granted, women have strong and heartfelt beliefs about

1) Marriage

2) Marrying beneath oneself (what does that  even mean?) and

3) Perhaps – choosing to remain single.

The topics are very personal and scalding hot. Does Marry Him instruct us to discard our standards, ideals, and our precious Top 10 Qualities List?

Do we merely ‘settle’ for the next guy, with a pulse, who darkens our doorstep?  I think not. But, men and women need to be open. Way open. 24 -hours a day open.

I Could Have Been a Contender

Bo Derek was a 10 in the 1970′s…

Perhaps you were, too … in the 70′s.

You do the math- numbers change…bodies change and attitudes do, too. Now we are more mature, evolved, and we evaluate people less superficially- don’t we? No, Binkie, you cannot know in the first  3-minutes of a coffee date if the guy is “a keeper,” slow down and smell the coffee.

Gottlieb makes a sobering point in the  magazine article about women and all the various “dating things” we do wrong.

Many of us were raised on stories about Cinderella, Prince Charming, Wolf Ranges, white picket fences and Volvos. Some of us bought into the fairy tale and elevated ourselves high atop lofty (lonely)  princess pedestals.

Sky high, self esteem puts one just beyond the reach of really great guys. Whoops! Time to climb down, sister,  Get real, and be open.

Marry Him is smart summer reading. You want to get attention on the beach or by the pool? Walk around with this  book – see what happens.

You’ll see: the book is rife with very cogent points; chances are you’ll open your eyes, blink, and shake your head in disbelief. And, in total agreement.

All I know: Life is all about compromise, and at this stage of the game (50 -something) we know that compromise is the panacea of life.

The best relationships are all about give and take. Right?

Remember: Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. And he knows it.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/03/marry-him/6651/

After the Break Up:Top Four Tips for Moving On

Move on, dream on, dream big

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Okay, life happens.

So you got temporarily toppled by a rocky, challenging chapter in life

(a separation, divorce, break-up, hiccup- call it what you will.)

At one point, friends may tell you it is time to get back on the horse.   Oh,you’ve never ridden a horse?

Okay, time for a new metaphor: get back on the bike. What? You say the sleek and fancy, tres cher, Titanium (too Specialized? Too Trek-y?)  bike with tires as thin as black licorice intimidate you?  You prefer a pastel pink Schwinn bicycle with fat tires and pink streamers flying in the wind? Take it at your own speed.

Get Back in the Dating Game

Whatever mode you decide upon – it is time to dream big and move on. Sure, your heart might have been hurt or shattered. Take the time to do the grieving; stick pins in the voo doo doll; write in your journal; take long walks and short naps and snap out of it.

You can do this. It’s time to take the shroud off your heart and get out there and dabble in the Suddenly Single Playground of Life, aka Dating World.

Top Four Tips for Moving On and Into a Real Social Life

#1. Get out. You aren’t going to meet anyone in your living room. Get out of the house.

#2. Go where the action is: – not the library, not the far left front pew at church or synagogue. See– Top 10 Places to Meet Men.

#3. Tell all your friends you are ready to date. Sign up for online dating – today, the top three sites are Match.com, Chemistry.com, and the glacially slow and methodical, EHarmony. They spend more money on advertising than the next 10 sites, combined. There are hundreds of sites –buyer beware as you review some of the more bizarre – fly by night-  dating sites.

Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter:

Catholic Date is too Opus dei…and OMG, Atheistdate.com is too trippy. Millionairematch.com is rife with ethical  problems, and the infamous Ashley Madison is the adultery niche market. Any dating site with the word “adult” in it the title will not be PG-17.

#4. Flirt Often. Once you are on – up and running on a dating site – for the best results you must: Flirt three times every day.  Send a short – one line note to – three different people – every day. What to say? Easy:  “Enjoyed reading your profile. We have some things in common. Take a look. Hope to hear from you.”

Make it simple, succinct, polite, and inviting. Go ahead – give it a whirl… Leave Heartbreak Hotel and move into happier spaces and places.

The best half of your life is waiting.

I believe that it’s better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.   Mae West

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined.” Henry David Thoreau

All Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner articles © 2012 by Page Larkin; r