Fact: Most Dating, Mating, How-to-flirting rulebooks are written by women.
Finally, Mr. Anon, a Manly Man, has taken the time to create “Top 10 Tips: getting along with men: the Manly Man Point of View.”
The original manuscript, written in pencil on a piece of binder paper had few real scholarly pretensions. Through time, various readers felt compelled to enhance and embellish the edicts. Now we know: what men are really thinking.
The Top Ten Rules for Getting Along with Guys:
1. ESPN not ESP: Men are not mind readers. We are rugged, brawny, handsome and handy – we just don’t have the ESP gene – spell it out, sweetheart.
2. Sunday Sports are of the highest importance. They’re like the full moon, the stars and the sky – our True North. It’s not the day to drag us to mall and make us hold your suitcase-sized purse as you try on 15 pair of identical black slacks. We crave Sunday Sports – be a sport – and just hand us the remote control.
3. Don’t Mall Me: Shopping is not a sport. No amount of cajoling, kidding, or kissing is going to make us think of it that way.
4. Ask for what you want: Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work. Strong, loud, hints don’t work. Call us primitive– it is obvious your soft, whimsical and cute little hints are not effective. Do us both a favor, and clearly state what you want.
5. Final Answer: ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. We are succinct…especially during TV commercials.
6. Talk to the Girls: Come to us with a problem only if you really want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy, gossip, chatting – are what your wonderful girlfriends are for, right?
7. Memories: Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and Void after seven days.
8. Weighty Issues: If you think you’re fat, you might be – or you are looking for a compliment… and reassurance…first check a mirror, and then come to us…and, never on a Sunday.
9. Lost in Translation: If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we really meant the other one. Honest.
10. Commercial Value: Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the TV commercials. Big points for you!
And, for the record: About us Following our Bliss? Look, Christopher Columbus didn’t ask for directions and pride prevents us from breaking the mold. Work with us—that’s why God invented maps and GPS.
San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com. Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column — click the Subscribe button.