Divorced, but not dead? Dating again at 50

Tricia had not been on a date in 24 years.

She met her now-former husband in college-married- no kids.

20 years flew by before he decided the younger, blonder, BMW sales gal was more his style. Bam! Tricia woke up divorced -after being confounded by the nefarious San Francisco judge, Marjorie Slabach. That’s another nightmare.

When he moved out, he took the best of everything: the best art, the best wine, the best sheets (Frette) towels, silver (Georg Jensen.) Thinking, “He’ll be back,” Tricia was compliant, numb and pretty much brain dead -for a time.

Dazed and stricken dumb, (anger had not reared her ugly little head, yet) Tricia cocooned and watched a lot of Netflix. She saw all of Madmen, Breaking Bad, Homeland, Wallender/Swedish version, Luther, and The Wire.

Then, for some reason, she was drawn to “Say, Yes to the Dress.” She wanted Randy, the star of the show – slightly sarcastic, enormously calm, the wedding dress ‘Divo,’ to be her new best friend. When she shared this last bit with her therapist, Dr Q- he strongly urged her to turn off the TV, get out of the house, and return the calls to her friends – it was time.

Friends and family had been calling, showing up and having mini- interventions, to no avail.

Eventually, Tricia went back to book club, started hiking with her pals Linda and Julie, and was slowly getting back to her old self. Her patient and loyal clients re-surfaced and she eased back to work full-time.

Beginners Luck?

On the 2nd anniversary of her divorce, Tricia was up and running on Match.com. Months before, in a pique of boredom, she had taken a look at Craigslist singles, OKCupid, and Plenty of Fish. She picked up the rope and decided to join the fun. Slowly.

Edward, (San Mateo, 59, medical researcher, newly single) had been on Match.com for less than 30 minutes before Tricia sent him a quick note. He was flattered and intrigued – and wrote back. After a spate of e-mails- they spoke on the phone. For an hour. They spoke again, that night – for 90-minutes. It turns out they had mutual friends in Los Angeles, had much in common and the rest is history – they been “an item” ever since. It happens. It could happen to you.

Reality check

No glass slippers, no magic apples or mirrors and smoke. It takes a little verve, a little nerve and a desire to “meet someone.” So you kiss a frog, get over it. Now is the time – get social – be social – and have fun out here. Try a 7-Day Free Trial on the dating site that resonates with you. Good luck!

Top Five Ways to Succeed at Online Dating

So you want to try Online Dating?

Chances are, your friends all know someone who has a friend (cousin, uncle, neighbor, customer) who has tried online dating and they have a story.

There are lot of stories out there…

People love to taint the waters with horror stories (he was an ax murderer, mortician, a painter: he painted by numbers, he was a couch surfing, unemployed, bike messenger…and she had an eating disorder, had six kids and three ex-husbands, was a nonstop talker, claims she was a non-smokers smelled like an ashtray.)

Don’t listen to the horror stories

For every 10 dating nightmare stories there are another 10 dates where people meet and enjoy one another. Take your time, enjoy the process. It’s a marathon not a sprint into the arms of your “perfect” prince or princess

 

As You Prepare to Dive Into the Dating Pool - Remember these 5 tips:

1. Be Real – No Faux Photos;  delete that barrage of brags or self-consumed remarks. 
2. Be Honest – There is no need to embellish -  ‘The better part of valor is discretion…’
   
3. Be  On – If you are going to join a dating site – you will have to be engaged – open and available. Plan on spending time at your computer.
   
4. Be  Aware – Yes, Virginia there are good guys/gals  and not so great guys/gals online – use discretion.
   
5. Be Light – Online dating is not brain surgery nor does it require a Phd;  it does require a sense of humor. Lighten up and enjoy the experience.

Sweet Easter! Chocolate bunnies and hot cross buns in San Francisco

On your mark, get set, get ready for an Easter

    Celebration

A happy Easter conjures up images of colored eggs, chocolate bunnies, buffets, bountiful Easter baskets, tulips and Gin fizzes.

San Francisco has an embarrassment of riches when it comes to gourmet Easter treats.

 

 Five Classic San Francisco Sites  for Easter’s perfect preparations:

1. Varoom. Start the day with a cup of the best coffee in San Francisco: Blue Bottle Coffee.

2. Got Candy? San Francisco’s premiere candy store, aptly named, The Candy Store on Vallejo at Polk Street will dazzle you with the finest selection of yummiest candies “… one-of-a-kind boutique features walls lined with old-fashioned candy jars, shelves stocked with the finest confections from around the world, and nostalgic treats you probably haven’t seen in years.”

3. Fruit Heaven – Berries, melons, citrus, mangoes, 22nd and Irving Produce– best quality and bargain produce in all of San Francisco. Parking is pain – and, it’s worth it.

4. Best bakery in San Francisco? Bakery Tartin located at 600 Guerrero Street. You’ll think you time- traveled to Paris –Tartin has a perfectly sublime selection of the  highest quality pastries. Marvel over the  Chocolate Soufflé Cake, the Frangipane Tart,  the utterly divine croissant or frangipane croissant,   perhaps a double pain au chocolat or the tres yummy morning buns.  I dare you try one croissant.

5.Confused by chocolate? Do you die for  Godiva? Or really love Recchiuti? Perhaps you prefer San Francisco’s classic, plump chocolate  eggs from the all-time favorite: See’s.  Or, do you go for TCHO? Love truffles? XOX Truffles are rich, delicate, and filled with 27 flavors and totally addictive. Sweetly perched on Columbus Avenue across from the City’s stellar Graffeo Coffee.

If you are feeling a little famished after all that Saturday shopping? Get in line, there is always one, at Ella’s for the Best Brunch in San Francisco located at 500 Presidio/Arguello.

Remember, The Wise Words of the Easter Bunny:

* Don’t put all of your chocolate eggs in one basket.

* Walk softly and carry a big carrot.

* There’s no such thing as too much candy.

* Some bunny loves you: cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.

* Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.

* Let all your happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.

* Keep your paws off other people’s jellybeans.

* The grass is always greener in someone else’s basket.

 

Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at 50datesexaminer@gmail.com.

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All Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner articles © 2012by Page Larkin;

Quick – Stop Me if I Speed Date

Putting the brakes on Speed Dating

Part One

My best friend, Char, took me to a speed-dating event at a Unitarian church.  The irony was not lost on me.  Things moved way too fast.  We arrived promptly at 6 p.m.

The happy hour lasted a mere 15 minutes.  That should have been my first clue.  Two very identical blonde facilitators, Leah and Lisa, or Frick  and Frack, in little black cocktail dresses and too much lip-gloss, were very upbeat, well rehearsed, and acted like cruise directors.

The rules were so reminiscent of Catholic school. I almost bailed: boys on one side, girls on the other. Every day the nuns in Catholic grammar school gave the same instructions. I blame it on the boss in Roma. But, that’s another story of biblical proportions.

After the divide and conquer directives, the two cruise directors did a stand up-pep talk-sales pitch all rolled into one. They quipped about what happened at the SpeedDating event the night before and their utterly amazing romance success rate.  Right, sure.

Blonde A. rattled off staggering statistics about couples meeting in Speed Dating. Her mantra seemed to be “do the math”.

So I did. Furtively looking around the room, I noticed everybody was doing the same.  I could do the math- I counted: there were 24 men and 30 women.

What are the odds?

On the boys side of the room, there about ten guys around 40-something and the other half of the guys looked like they lived in the neighborhood of 50-something.

Blonde B. pulled out an over-sized foam core board with stick figures.  She summarized the chart, a la Vanna White, noting the more single people you meet, the more you will date and the quicker you will live happily ever after.  Deftly she moved the stick figures to and fro, very much resembling a shell game.

Already defeated:  30 girls and 24 boys ‘odds’

Naturally, I had already started analyzing the competition.  We were certainly a cross-section of society.  However, there was a clear line of demarcation.  There were women in the uniform little-black-dress, and all others in tight slacks, very high heels with plunging V-neck blouses.  Had all of dating fashion been reduced to a mere two outfits?  Once again, I felt under-whelmed and under ready.

Next, with even more feigned enthusiasm, Frick and Frack launched into “the rules.” 

Our speed dating guidelines were a cleverly disguised way to explain we would be playing musical chairs with cocktails. After being seated, we would endure, or enjoy, six-minute interludes with each partner.  Women remained seated and men changed chairs.  We were instructed to be polite and honest.  It sure sounded like Catholic school: say two Hail Mary’s and call me in the morning.

to be cont’d: Tomorrow:Speed Dating: the Baptism by Fire ~ Pt 2

Top 10 reasons he is going to ask you out again

First and Foremost

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Top Ten Reasons Date #2 is a given…

1. You look exactly like your photographs and he says, “Your pictures don’t do you justice.”

2. You offered to pay half – you are obviously thoughtful and evolved.

3. You laughed – with each other – a lot. Comfort level established.

4. You both had one drink – hey, first date.

5. They are as tall or taller than you (this may/may not matter)

6.You felt comfortable and at ease with each other

7. You have things in common: similar taste in sports, books, food, movies, dogs, skydiving, etc

8 You both have had ‘challenges’ in life and survived nicely.

9. You each have an “amusing” Internet dating story. And can laugh about it.

10 You both had fun and were relaxed and are looking forward to the next date.

“Women desire men’s desire of them” Freud

Feeling Spooky? Top 10 Dating Fears

Fresh out-of-the-box.

Right off the shelf. Right off the boat.

There are a lot of metaphors for people who are just back in the dating game. Sometimes getting back into the swing of dating can be daunting. If you have been out of the game for a while, you may notice dating today is a little more complex than it was, let’s say-  a decade ago.

Not only is the playing field no longer level, the rules have changed, the game is faster and the uniforms are a whole  lot shorter. The days of courting and being coy are as out dated as hot pants and polyester.

Afraid to make the first move? There are tons of fears, frights, scares and trepidations.

There are even dating phobias which are irrational, intense, persistent fear of certain nouns (persons, places, things).                  For your information:

The Top Ten Common Fears Known to Single Men and Women

1. Isolophobia – fear of being alone

2. Athazagoraphobia- fear of being forgotten

3. Gamophobia – fear of marriage

4. Mageirocophobia – fear of cooking

5. Sexophobia – fear of the opposite sex

6. Gynophobia – fear of women

7. Hominophobia -fear of men

8. Clinophobia – fear of going to bed

9. Homilophobia – fear of sermons

10. Nyctophobia- fear of the dark or night

Franklin D Roosevelt said it best:

“ The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts…”

Go  on, make a move. 

Get off the couch… push away from the computer, and go outside   and play.

What are you afraid of? Face your fears and they disappear like those tiny bubbles in a glass of champagne. Cheers.

How Rude! Top 5 Dirty Dating Deeds

Whoa -there are too many  horror stories about rude online dating behavior

Need to brush up on your etiquette?

 Page Larkin’s Five Online Dating Etiquette Tips:

1.) Respond, sil vous plait or You talkin to me?

The biggest complaint heard from online daters is about the lack of response. Hey kids, here’s the rule: if somebody takes the time to drop you a polite note of interest – you have a responsibility to answer back.
(Note: If the message is wacky, bizarre or peculiar- or the person sending it appears to be all of the above, you need not reply- simply delete and move on.)
However, new dater, if you receive an email from someone – okay, maybe not your ideal mate – maybe not even close – but he or she took the time to write you a note. Your job? Write back. Not a tome – not a poem – a simple message along the lines of, “Thanks, we are not a match – good luck in your pursuits.”  That’s all. Simple and sweet.

2.) Behave…Can You Please Say Thank You?
The men have spoken and complain loudly some women barely utter a “thanks” after a date. Hello, ladies? Are you Ms Manners or missed manners?

3.) Hit-and-Run
Knowing full well that online dating is truly a numbers game, (See Catch and Release in the Coy pond) there are some who send out a dozen “winks” every day.

What is a wink? A wink is the lowest form of online social connection. It requires little time or effort.  It involves the wannabe dater to click a tiny icon, which sends a message to the recipient, indicating absolutely no effort made. How popular is a wink? Many online dating profiles start with, “No winks, please.” Translated: “Come on, and make the effort to write at least one cogent sentence.”

4.) Talk, Talk, Talk
Okay, so you are fascinating and you don’t mind telling everyone. One of the biggest buzz kills on a first date? The non-stop talker. It’s okay to be nervous. It’s okay to be chatty. It’s a mortal sin to blather on and neglect asking questions. Save the monologue for a Stand-Up routine.

5.) The Houdini Disappearing Act
So you‘ve exchanged a half-dozen emails – share many of the same “likes”, seem to have a little chemistry- and boom! They are gone. Not a word: text-email-nada. What’s up with that? Did their spouse find them playing on the computer – with you?

Are they players? Fakes? Voyeurs? Or just plain rude? If, at any juncture, the chemistry isn’t there – politely bow out of the conversation with a well meaning, “Thanks for the conversation, enjoyed it and wish you all the best.”

Yes, that’s a lot better than nothing.

Can’t we all just get along? Be nice. According to Greater Good in Berkeley – being kind –(polite) – will make you happy.

Be polite; write diplomatically; even in a declaration of war one observes the rules of politeness.  Otto Von Bismarck

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at 50datesexaminer@gmail.com.

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All Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner articles © 2011 by Page Larkin.  Reposts permitted with copy written notice and link to original article. All other rights reserved.

The first date: are you brave enough?

You’ve seen them at the Boulange, Peet’s and Starbucks.

You can tell.

She walks in, looking around for a complete stranger. She glances at the faces of every male in the room – seriously hoping her first date-guy  looks like the photo he posted online.
When the ‘closest facsimile’ waves her over to his table, with a broad smile, she cautiously walks over to join him. She is still walking on thin ice and treading lightly. You notice they both have fake and cautious smiles plastered on their faces, half nervous, half curious.
Both are quickly adjusting to the “First-Meeting Sticker Shock.” Their minds are racing like a deck of shuffling cards.
Best-case inner dialogue could be: “Phew. Wow. What a relief!  They look exactly like the photo”.

Or worst-case scenario, both parties -with frozen smiles and minds racing with thoughts like: “What was I thinking? What a mistake. OMG. How can I get out of this? How long do I have to stay?  Check please.”

At worst, you  wasted 30 minutes…try, try, again.

Next time: ask more questions; exchange a couple more emails; talk on the phone.

Yes, skip texting – speak  to the person before actually meeting. There is no obligation to meet anyone. anytime.

It’s a Dance

You have to admire people who take the plunge, who get out there and do the dating dance. Some days, it’s like a waltz – other times it’s the Twist…or a jitterbug- fast and frenetic. When two hearts and minds collide and match – that’s the best.

Writing Profiles in Courage?

For every couple grimacing through the awkward stages of meeting somebody for coffee for the first time, there are hundreds of us sitting at home pretending to be satisfied with watching TV with a cat, surfing the web and all that other single, solitary, alone stuff.

Bravo to the brave of heart who wear their hearts on their sleeves and get out there and make the effort to meet somebody new. Gold Medals all around for the brave and the few. It’s a brave new world?

Why not put your single big toe into the Dating Game?

Today is the first day of the rest of your social life. Get out there and have fun.
Put these on  Post-it notes:
” When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” François de la Rochefoucauld
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss