Dating at 50? Spring ahead

Who Me? Dating at 50?  Top Five Ways to Spring into Dating

It’s a well-known fact: Dating at 50 is a lot more fun than dating at 20.

Think about it: you are more interesting, smarter, and sexier and have way better life’s stories. And, you don’t have to ask your mom to borrow the car. Come on in, the water is delicious.

You’re not alone. There are 20+ million singles back in the dating game.  We may be single-so-far and looking, suddenly single via divorce, or really ready for a relationship.

Like you, many singles are bored and lonely – we may have played too much Solitaire and are ready to play a rousing game of Hearts.  And flowers … and romance.

Top Five Ways to Spring into Dating

1. Do talk to strangers. Everyday. It’s okay, and heartily recommended that you look members of the opposite sex in the eye, smile and say “Hi.” Do this o five strangers – every single day.” Have fun – spring is in the air.  Start now.
2.  Your mother was right: “Go outside and play.” It’s up to you – perform the ‘due diligence’ and find out where the action is (See: my columns: Top Ten Places to Meet Men and Women in Marin and San Francisco)   Get out of the house and join a walking, hiking, biking, rowing, kayaking, birding, debate, tennis, Ping-Pong, or spelunking club. Try Tango! Thoroughly examine Meetup.com for hundreds of organizations in your zip code.
3. Adopt and embrace the C’est la vie attitude. You know, life is short and why waste time? Throw off – (or gently remove)  that Shroud of Fear and relax into the singles playground. Tell your friends you are thinking about dating.4.
4. Be Brave.  So you are ready to start dating again? Want to get back in the saddle? Note: a virtual Greek chorus of friends and family may urge you, to get ‘Back on the horse.’  If you have images of a sweet pony-ride dancing in your head, be prepared. The 2013 foray may be a carnival ride – a-merry-go-round or  a Tilt-a-whirl – at first.
5. Research and sign up for an online dating site. Try a Free-7-Day Trial – which most big dating companies offer. You don’t need to write a thesis; answer the site’s questions simply,  succinctly with an authentic portrayal of you. Have fun. Yes, it may be exciting or make you very nervous – at first- enjoy the ride.

Some say,  “Better buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.”  But, a good ride.
Get in the game and enjoy the new adventures in the unique and novel Date World 2013. It will be as fun as you make it.

Online Dating Questions: reveal my real age and weight?

Hey, Page

I’m thinking about starting on Match.com. Do I really have to reveal my age? I was raised to believe ‘a lady does not reveal and a gentleman never inquires.’ A friend says I have to divulge my real height, weight, age, income, and education. Why would I reveal this information to a total stranger?

Like a Phoenix

Hey, Like a Phoenix

Good question! On some websites you can get by with a glib “we can talk about this later.” You’re absolutely right, there is no reason to divulge certain information. Your income or your religion –other topics- may be very personal. Your age and weight- will be very obvious when you meet your dates. Be sure to post current photographs of yourself.

Peace,

Page

Dear Page,

Help! I am brand-new at online dating and I am and lost.  Last week I signed up for Our Time dating.  So far I’ve been contacted by a man with a picture of him sitting on a mule, a man 20 years my senior and another guy claims his ‘best friend is Jesus.’ Another guy who is exactly 1 foot shorter than I am- that makes him 5 feet and I’m 6 feet tall. What am I doing wrong?

Nancy Newbie

Dear Nancy,

Whenever you sign up for new dating site, be sure to specify how far you are willing to travel to meet someone, list your interests, and specificy  age range and height, education level preferences– if that is important.

At first blush, a great looking guy who is 6’, who lives in New York City, might seem attractive, however chances for you, (in San Bruno)  meeting for an impetuous cup of coffee, going for a hike, or a picnic or anything else, are slim to none.

Take the time to be perfectly clear on how far you want to travel, the qualities you’re looking for in a date, and indicate if you have religious preferences (or have no interest in Bible-thumper-fundamentalists.) Good luck- let me know how your fare.

 

Hello, Page Larkin,

My brother (45) recently came out of the closet, ended his 20-year marriage and is having a dizzying new social life. His shell-shocked wife has decided she wants to go online and start dating. Which dating website would be good for her?

A friend Indeed

Hello, A friend Indeed,

First of all, joining an online dating site after a nasty divorce or separation is not a healthy transition. Indicating that your friend is shell-shocked is a clear indication that she needs therapy, time, and solace. Remember: rushing into dating after a trauma is not great idea. You would much better serve her if you listened to her and politely urged her to get professional help.

Peace and Patience,

Page

Hi Page

I just met Henry (retired, handsome, financially stable) who is perfect, except for one thing. He says his sciatica requires medical marijuana and he grows his own. He has a green house full of thriving plants. I quickly learned not to talk to him after 9 o’clock – as he is loopy. Do I ditch him or stick with him?

Mary Jane

Dear Mary Jane,

You pose a difficult question. Some would advise you to take a look at a 12-step program and take it from there. You might be quite disappointed-if push came to shove- your new beau chose to spend time with his green plants and not you.

Good luck,

Page

Don’t you dare wink at me, buster! Rants for romance

Rants for Romance?

Singles  speak out

This week brings questions about winking, blinking and getting along. Send your “Single at 50” queries to page.larkin@Gmail.com

.

Dear Page,
I am 52, divorced for six years, and new to online dating. I did everything you said (posted a recent photo, wrote my profile, and enrolled in two different dating sites) and all I get are “winks.”

You said winks at the lowest form of communication, you’re right! Tell men everywhere women hate winks. Don’t send me a stupid icon without a single word – to me that means you can even write a sentence – it means I am just one of 30 women you’re casting about hoping to a hook a sucker.
My advice: just write one lousy sentence; there, I feel better!
Linda in Las Vegas

Dear Linda in Las Vegas,
Thanks for voicing the opinion of many of us. Every week, I get tweets, texts, and lengthy e-mails echoing your same sentiment. Point well taken.

See: Page Larkin’s That’s rude! Dating Etiquette
Peace and love, Page

Dear Page Larkin,
I met a wonderful guy on Eharmony two months ago. We exchanged e-mails for two weeks before he agreed to speak on the phone to confirm our coffee date. Before our date, I Googled him and found him to be “as advertised.” We met at the Ferry Building, walked around for an hour and took the Sausalito ferry.  We had lunch, split the bill; we walked and talked for two more hours and returned to SF. He kissed me goodbye and I never heard from him again.  I e-mailed him once, no response. Was it me?
Down and Out in Danville

Dear Down and out in Danville,
You failed to mention if there was chemistry, heat, or mutual attraction. Manners dictate that a person thank the other for the date – there is an unwritten “law” that – after a first date- two people make plans for future date or bow out, with a polite “It was nice meeting you, we are not at match.” Move on – it wasn’t meant to be.
Peace and love, Page
 

Hey, Larkin,
I sent out 25 e-mails on Chemistry.com and not one woman responded.
My message was cute and flirty and I thought it was really good. What’s up with women today? Is everyone stuck up?
Ronnie in the Marina

Hey Ronnie in the Marina
Remember: spell check is your best friend. Take the time to write a message that is coherent, interesting, and logical. Sometimes our efforts to be clever and sarcastic can be misconstrued. Try, try again.
Peace and love, Page

Dear Page,
My feelings are hurt. I enthusiastically signed up for the Match.com seven-day free trial. No one writes back to me!  I am a Georgia peach: 56, 5’6. athletic, smart, cute and fun. I sent out 30 “winks” to all the cutest guys within 50-miles of Atlanta. Not one man responded. Help!
Ashley at Tara

Dear Ashley at Tara,
Good for you for getting out there and trying.
Let’s recalibrate: erase all thoughts of “winking” at men. (See above) It’s a lost cause looked down upon by thousands.
First, create a short introduction linking you to an attractive man:  “I enjoyed reading your profile; especially the comment about… We both like… Please read my profile and if anything resonates, please get back to me. Thanks.“
Try that approach -  as opposed to winking.  Wait and see- how it works, do  get back to me and report.  Read : How Rude!     Good luck, Page

Full Moon madness? Saturday Night Dec 10th

Top Ten Ways to Have More Fun This Weekend with a full moon

Saturday Night, December 10 –

A Full Moon makes some people Change:  get wild,  get uninhibited, and Embrace Change

1. Change your Attitude: buck up, Binkie, See the Full Moon? Decline the recliner: It’s time to go out and play.
2. Change your altitude:Go bungee jumping with Icarus  try indoor skydiving, take a helicopter ride; Fly high in a blimp.
3. Change your Dating site if you feel like you’re bombing out at Eharmony or Match.com try something new: Perfect Match. Try the seven-day free trial before signing up. Free? Cruise Craigslist; some dating clubs (i.e Let’s have Dinner for Six) may cost you $2500 to join – Plenty of Fish and OkCupid are still free, take a peek.
4. Change your Hair Color- Do blondes have more fun? Ask Liz at Jackson Place Salon she is a colorist and stylist extraordinaire. Need a new hairdo and a new look? Liz is your go-to-girl.
5. Change your Mind: time to get out of the rut into the groove: go scuba diving or snorkeling, swim with sharks or the famed San Francisco Dolphin’s Feel bullish? Ride a mechanical bull. Try fire-walking, quickly; go white water rafting. Segue into a Segway.
6. Change your Oil: Do yourself a favor: get thee to Sunset 76 at Noriega /24th Avenue It’s the go-to-place for honest, professional, and efficient service: Smog and oil changes? Hey, it’s got to be done, why not make it easy?
7. Change your Sandwich: Giordano Brothers –  a bustling North Beach sports bar serves towering Philly style sandwiches stuffed with French fries-  it’s lively, friendly, and fun.
8. Change your Bridge- Skip the 150,000 people at Outside Lands Music and Arts Festival and go to the Berkeley Trifecta: 900 Grayson  for brunch, Berkeley Bowl for splendid shopping and Uncommon Grounds for great coffee – oh- IKEA is so close.
9. Change your Happy Hour – It’s all done with smoke and mirror at Smoking Martini Madness South Harbor Waterfront Restaurant and bar in South San Francisco. The very blissful happy hour means  appetizers at 50% off
10. Change your mood: See the phenomenally entertaining Oakland Intefaith Gospel Choir

Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change – this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.      Bruce Barton

Men at 50- confused and crazed by women at 50

Inquiring Men Want to Know: This week brings questions from men about serial dating, flirting and frustration. I endeavor to answer the questions as best as I can. Send your questions, queries, and quibbles to 50datesexaminer@gmail.com

Dear Page

My friends say I’m like the guy in the movie Network who screams “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” I’m really frustrated. I have been on three different dating sites in three years. No luck. I keep meeting women who send old photos, who lie about their age and smoking and who don’t seem to have an Emotional IQ   Is it me?

Just like Peter Finch

Dear Just Like Peter Finch,

While nobody said it was going to be easy, online dating should be fun, at best. Sorry to hear about your tribulations. Don’t give up.  Be more direct in your profile stating an interest in self-awareness, altruism, personal motivation, and the ability to love. Try again.

Peace, Page

Dear Page Larkin,

I’m 63, retired, divorced, healthy and look and feel the best ever. My new girlfriend is 55 and  hot. There is one drawback: she’s what you call a serial dater. She’s a gal with the ‘kennel of doggie bags in the refrigerator. She goes out almost every night- not with me. She is only free on Wednesday nights. Am I wasting my time?

Berkeley Bob

Dear Berkeley Bob,

If you are “girlfriend” is dating three other men each week, sit down; she’s just not that into you. She is obviously playing the field and, Bob, you’re not on her roster. It’s time to move on, and try greener pastures-you deserve better.

Peace, Page

Hey, Larkin,

I read your piece about ‘Men are like Champagne.’ Well, my experience says women are like eels. You can’t get a handle on them and they get away.

Morgan Hill Mike

Hey, Morgan,

Good point. There are 1 million stories ‘in the dated city’ and just as many metaphors. Following the whole fishing metaphor: I’d say the more lines you put in the water, the better your luck. See: Dating 101: Catch and Release. Have fun out there. Remember, online dating is a number’s game – and you have to get in the game to win.

Peace, Page

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at 50datesexaminer@gmail.com.

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All Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner articles © 2011 by Page Larkin; reposts permitted with copy written notice and link to original article. All other rights reserved.

Uh oh, Men are quitting dating game?

There is an Exodus happening.

Legions of men across the nation are folding up their tents, quitting the dating game and are going home to Bachelorville. They are resigned to a lifetime of single, solo, solitary- man- time.

Talk to men.

A veritable Greek Chorus have said they are victims of excruciating divorces or years of a disappointing dating scene. Candidly, they say being 50+, suddenly single and dating again isn’t easy. No, it’s not like riding a bike.

Many guys lament that courtship is just too complicated and foreign; they are having a hard time getting a leg up.

Charlie R, 52, said he could have earned a second degree given all the Stanford Bachelor parties he has attended over the decades. He admits his research and development used to be fun… The playground rules have changed. It’s more teeter totter and less swing.

Empty handed

San Francisco writer, Greg M. said, “I used to be a ’10′. Back in the day, I had a top level position, a fast car, cool friends, got married and woke up single, 25 years later”. No longer a ’10′, Greg tumbled off that pedestal years ago,. He admits his recent dating experiences are like being stuck in the revolving door at the St Francis Hotel; going in circles and going nowhere.  And he will blithley expound to all interested parties at the Clock Bar. He also does a mean “Good Bye” by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Otter know better

Tall, dashing and handy, Edgar said he recently gave up on women. He said women are like otters; that they band together, are happy to be in one another’s company, travel together and have no need for male companionship. He said they simply float down the ‘river of life’ like happy little otters; no boys allowed. The vast number women I polled, got off their rafts and swam over and heartily disagreed. Actually, the majority of women indicated they want ‘in the game’.

What do women say?

The single Yoga Babes weighed in to say most were initially daunted, then exhilarated, by being single and dating again. Others, blindsided by a classic divorce debacle – throw in the towel.   Some recover and renew energies and get a new lease on life.

There are a million stories in the dated city. The Exodus may be in biblical proportions in some cities and San Francisco has to be the exception, right?                   Don’t go, the party is just beginning.

Make this your mantra:

“Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes ‘