TMI? Online dating profiles – slow down

Too much, too soon, too fast?

Writing an online dating profile – Too much information is a big turnoff

Sally Rand was the most famous fan dancer in the world.

She was the epitome of artful seduction and enticement. The provocative dancer appeared – briefly – on stage and deftly, slowly, swayed to classical music, hinting and flirting. She got big attention with strategic placement.

Sally Rand – her body of work – a parable

Rand was famous for her six-minute act. While bathed in blue light, the temptress stood on the stage, naked, seductively moving two seven-foot-long ostrich feathers in front of her body to the music of Debussy and Chopin. And the crowd went wild – needless to say. Leaving much to the imagination, she was irresistible and exciting. She said, “If you love living, you try to take care of the equipment.” She might have said, “Less is more,” which is the best advice for writing an online dating profile.

Rule #1. Your dating profile – keep it simple

Whether you are on your virgin voyage – writing your first online dating profile – or re-writing it for the tenth time, remember: Don’t tell all. Leave something up to the reader’s imagination. Coy and cute is far superior to cold, hard facts linked together like a shopping list. You may be very proud of your car, career, cats, kids, kayaking prowess, stamp collecting or church choir debut. Merely listing these attributes or accomplishments is dull times three.

And, yes, it’s great your kid just graduated from an Ivy League school – however, all that bragging about your offspring (a la Pimp My Kid) might just as well be mentioned later. Every day, there is a new parade of hopeful romantics who sign up for Match, JDate, and Perfect Match and Plenty of Fish – your goal: grab attention, quietly.

Don’t try this at home

Remember: Quirky isn’t cute; it’s been done and it’s a bore.The 2001 photograph of you dressed as a French maid or peeking over a fan may garner the wrong kind of attention. And, writing your profile – from your dog’s point of view – may have been funny for a sixth-grade assignment, but not at this juncture.

Bragging about your myriad accomplishments – medals, trophies, clubs – wait on that.

Blasting and attacking your ex – delete immediately. Pimp your kids? Photos and news of your kid’s accomplishments – skip it.

It’s all about you.

Take the time to look at what other people your age are writing … some will inspire, others will bore, some may spark your attention. It’s called ‘comparitive shopping’ and it works.

Bravo for you – and have fun as you navigate the waters of the dating pool.

May you have many fans.

“I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.” — Mae West

You, too, can learn how to fan dance.

Top ten ways to get your Valentine’s Day mojo moving

Valentine’s Day is a sugar rush for See’s Candy

and for Hallmark cards.

Florists are in seventh heaven with dozens of acres of red roses bought and sold this week.

What about the rest of us, sweetheart?

Remember: Valentine’s Day is about happy hearts, hugs, flirting, wearing all shades of red, pink and crimson.  February 14^th is the one day of the year we can “Blame it on Cupid” while we gather up courage to flirt early and flirt often.

Top Ten Ways to Get your mojo moving and in the mood for Valentine’s Day

1. Say ‘hi’ to that cutie you see every day
2. Smile at strangers
3. Send Valentines wishes (roses are red, violets are blue, meet me at…)
4. Invite a ‘hearty’ acquaintance to join you for a walk through the Presidio – and a drink at Presidio Social Club
5. Wear red – all week long
6. Buy “Big Hunk” candy bars for all your girlfriends. Give away Hershey kisses
7. Text, twitter, e-mail, and nudge your friends on Face book: reach out and hug someone
8. Make Valentines; check out Free Range Stock for fabulous photos
9. Meet at the beauteous Palace of Fine Arts  Learn about San Francisco hero,  Walter Johnson, who saved the once dilapidated – now most romantic -landmark
10. Invite a small group to meet at Amoeba Records, agree upon a romantic comedy DVD; have dinner and Sangria at Cha-Cha-Cha ; watch the movie with red wine and red velvet cupcakes, Sweet!
11. Send everyone you know a simple “I love you” message -pay it forward
12. Create a CD of all your favorite romantic love songs – share – Besame Mucho!

Everyone loves to be remembered on Valentine’s Day.

Buy yourself flowers

Have a happy healthy heart!

Hey, Santa! The 200 words women want to hear

Santa Baby,

we need to talk.

Listen to this: reports indicate, every day, women say 1000 more words than male counterparts.

We can talk about this, if you like.

Men are way less loquacious – and they talk less, too

A random poll recently conducted at Curves, a nail salon, an OB-Gyn office and a leading yoga studio revealed:

              

Top 200 Words that Women Would Most Like to Hear Are:

1. Merry Christmas, the  little blue box is for you.

2. You are beautiful; those jeans make you look so thin and sexy.

3. How was your day? You’re brilliant. Hugs.

4. Here, darling, a couple of credit cards. Take them – go on a shopping spree. You deserve it. Macy’s  is having a huge sale.

5. Can I draw you a bath? Let me wrap all the presents.

6. Of course, I’d love to watch a chick flick on the couch with you. ‘You’ve Got Mail’ or “Serendipity”?

7. Forget the 49′ers. Let’s go walk at the beach.

8. I just called to say ‘I love you.’ Did you find the flowers I left on the doorstep?

9. You’re the greatest. Babe, sit down, watch your Soaps, I taped them for you; I’ll do the dishes.

10. I’ve got mistletoe! You and me? Away in the manger?

11. Hark! Do you hear what I hear? The kids are asleep.

12. You’re an incredible woman (wife, mother, best friend) I missed you and vacuumed the house.

Listen, women may tend to be loquacious, voluble and talkative; we have a lot to say.

A savvy Santa is perceptive and sage.

Spice up your life with the Top 200 Words Women Want to Hear.

Summer Reading: Marry whom? Him? Why not Settle

Settle down. The red-hot book,

Marry Him, The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough has been flying out of bookstores since it was published – causing a stir and consternation.

Author Lori Gottlieb is a controversial marketing genius.        

First, there was the well-timed flurry of Valentine’s Day book promotions, appearances on myriad television talk shows, guest column slots, and a drag- out marketing campaign, which catapulted the author into the SEO stratosphere.

Called “wise and daring” and “brutally honest,” Marry Him is a surefire bestseller because of the controversy it leaves in its wake. It all started in February 2008, when Gottlieb wrote ‘the article’ for The Atlantic.

The scathing piece, the basis for the book, was considered by many as caustic, heartless and derisive. Nothing like an effective literary attention getting device to garner great ratings.

Best Marketing Ploy for Book Sales: Controversy

Granted, women have strong and heartfelt beliefs about

1) Marriage

2) Marrying beneath oneself (what does that  even mean?) and

3) Perhaps – choosing to remain single.

The topics are very personal and scalding hot. Does Marry Him instruct us to discard our standards, ideals, and our precious Top 10 Qualities List?

Do we merely ‘settle’ for the next guy, with a pulse, who darkens our doorstep?  I think not. But, men and women need to be open. Way open. 24 -hours a day open.

I Could Have Been a Contender

Bo Derek was a 10 in the 1970′s…

Perhaps you were, too … in the 70′s.

You do the math- numbers change…bodies change and attitudes do, too. Now we are more mature, evolved, and we evaluate people less superficially- don’t we? No, Binkie, you cannot know in the first  3-minutes of a coffee date if the guy is “a keeper,” slow down and smell the coffee.

Gottlieb makes a sobering point in the  magazine article about women and all the various “dating things” we do wrong.

Many of us were raised on stories about Cinderella, Prince Charming, Wolf Ranges, white picket fences and Volvos. Some of us bought into the fairy tale and elevated ourselves high atop lofty (lonely)  princess pedestals.

Sky high, self esteem puts one just beyond the reach of really great guys. Whoops! Time to climb down, sister,  Get real, and be open.

Marry Him is smart summer reading. You want to get attention on the beach or by the pool? Walk around with this  book – see what happens.

You’ll see: the book is rife with very cogent points; chances are you’ll open your eyes, blink, and shake your head in disbelief. And, in total agreement.

All I know: Life is all about compromise, and at this stage of the game (50 -something) we know that compromise is the panacea of life.

The best relationships are all about give and take. Right?

Remember: Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. And he knows it.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/03/marry-him/6651/

Top Ten Ways to get a Kick out of Christmas

Feeling like a Donder or a Blitzen?

Kick that habit – it’s time to  have yourself a merry little Christmas and kick up your heels, Cupid.

Page Larkin’s Top Ten Ways to Get a Kick Out of the Christmas Holiday

1. Say ‘Merry Christmas’ to everyone. Bah, humbug to the PC happy holiday malarkey. Go ahead, say Merry Christmas to the people on the bus, the doorman, the waitress, barista, the taxi driver the clerk, the MUNI driver, the people in the elevator and everyone! What goes around…

2. Wear red. It’s fun, it’s festive and red-quired. Come on, don your red apparel. Everyone should wear at least one red article of clothing. No Santa hats unless you are under 18. Donate the old 75% off, Christmas sweater you got at Mervyns, to the less fortunate. Go, Red!

3. Memorize A Visit from St Nicholas by Clement C Moore and recite it at the drop of a hat. Bring a hat wherever you go.

4. Wear mistletoe. No kidding. Buy a sprig of mistletoe and pin it to your lapel or put it on your hat. Be kissed off and on. Yes, Virginia, you can download a picture of mistletoe. There are no rules. See Google images of the kissing tree.

5. Add the quality of jollity and frivolity see Kung Pao Kosher Comedy December 23 through December 26th

6. Go Glow: Do you see what I see? Find the Christmas log on TV for Christmas Day.

7. Laugh and love the funniest, most engaging capella choir,Straight No Chaser . The hilariously talented group sings every Christmas favorite with a twist and a shout. For fun and free music see Pandora.

8. Surround Sound: FM stations are playing non-stop Christmas melodies and standards. Bring out the Bing and dream of a White Christmas.

9. Read The Fir Tree by Hans Christian Anderson and The Christmas Memory by Truman Capote. Read them and weep.

10. Reach out and contribute – time, money, love, energy….

Do not rest ye merry gentle people; sing, stroll, dance, prance, dream.  Call the Scrooges the Grinches, the Donders, and the Blitzens and wish Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com. Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column- click the Subscribe button at the top of the

The shocking truth about women and book clubs

What really happens in Book Clubs?

You think we talk about irony and plot?

Legions of women across America gather monthly, supposedly to discuss the finer points of irony, character development, and plot vs. protagonist. Fortified by gallons of Green tea and petite cookies, they tackle the Classics, bestsellers and the New York Times Review of Books. From the outside, it appears to be an intellectual diversion.

However, here is a dirty little secret: many book clubs are really a covert way to analyze, dissect, and discuss men. Very few clubs will admit to this nefarious charge. Many groups, thinly veiled as passionate about reading, are really all about an underlying desire to talk about men, husbands, boyfriends, lovers, dating, sex, and books on the same subject.

Revelations – Not Just a Book in the Bible

A well-known book group in the Marina district, formed 15 years ago, were devotees of Balzac, Joyce, Goethe, Keats, Flaubert, Yeats and Ibsen. In 2003 they stumbled upon, and raced through the Da Vinci Code –  who didn’t? That was the beginning of the end. Once they tasted the sweet ambrosia of run-away bestsellers, all lofty goals to read great literature and share erudite observations were fini compleat.

En masse, they began to crave and seek out books of a lesser plot. Instant hedonists, they began to dabble in uncharted waters: and did a canon ball into the wide, wacky world of “Chick Lit.” In no time,  the three very prolific and real queens of Chick Lit,  Marian Keyes,  Sophie Kinsella and Helen Fielding of Bridget Jones fame were elevated to the group’s Literary Royalty and Beach reading books became de rigueur. The once stuffy book group became literary libertines.

Tryst – Like We Did Last Summer

After a steady, frothy diet of light and airy books, the happy hedonists evolved. They began to research  and write about steamy, sexy, destinations and the best places to conduct romantic interludes. They quickly nailed San Francisco, Maui, London, Paris, and New York City.  San Francisco was nominated their Most Romantic City.  The so-called book group’s next foray is a joint effort of co-authoring a risqué ‘bodice ripper’ They are not your mother’s book club or the Jane Austen book club.  However, they are currently looking for a publisher. Stay tuned.

Here’s to the ladies who lunch and bravo to the broads who tap out steamy fantasy for your secret reading enjoyment.

“Reading is a means of thinking with another person’s mind; it forces you to stretch your own.” Charles Scribner

Are your participles dangling? Follow me on Face Book.

Occupy What? Meeting the Fokkers on Thanksgiving?

Turkey:  Rhymes with dysfunction

Do you dare bring a date home for Thanksgiving -to meet the family?

Imagine the smell of the turkey roasting in the oven and the sight of luscious pumpkin pies and plump mincemeat pies sitting on the buffet. Cubes of yellow butter melting on mounds of steaming mashed potatoes. The dining room aglow with orange votive candles and a massive centerpiece of fall colored chrysanthemums gracing the table.

Dishes piled with green beans and sweet carrot soufflé, bowls of ruby red cranberries, and pomegranates and tangerines all crowded on the kitchen counter. A veritable food festival with friends and family –and, some ‘strangers in the night’.

Steve in Houston revealed he is ‘blessed’ with an Aunt Can’t Edit, who blurts unseemly comments and slightly embarrasses the entire family in one fell swooping comment.

Cherie in Seattle writes last year she was graced with, “A cast of cousins straight out of Central Casting, Seven Dwarves style: Grumpy, Dopey, Snarky, Chatty, Smokey, Sneezey, and Boozy.”

Okay, kids, so Thanksgiving will never be a Norman Rockwell painting. Granted, for many of us it will be more like “The Scream” Each year we are fortunate to gather, gobble and go. Count your blessings. Bring your current sweetheart home to meet the family? Tomes have been written about courage and bravery – you decide: will this exposure to your kin  be a coup de grace or a potential triumph? Good luck.

 

The family… a strange little band of characters trudging through life… inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. ~Erma Bombeck

Oh, Happy Day
Last year, six of us volunteered at three different soup kitchens and were turned away. There were too many volunteers. That’s what I’m talking about.

The Mad Dash of the Holidays is Here
I refuse to count the daze. This year I’m going to float down the stream of Christmas consciousness and revel in friends, fun, simplicity and sanity. All aboard.

The Day after Thanksgiving and all through the house,

not a creature was shopping- all were watching football, talking, laughing, reading, washing dishes – a meditation- walking, riding bikes, going to see Harry Potter, or RED- and avoiding getting mauled at any mall. Double  dare you to Buy Nothing

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin,welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com.

Top Ten Romantic Places to Kiss in San Francisco

The Top 10 Romantic Places

in San Francisco

Everyone knows the San Francisco is the consummate romantic Mecca and there are dozens of romantic places to buss/smooch/osculate and kiss

The Top 10? After much research ~ I can heartily attest:

1. The Top of the Stairs at Broadway and Lyon – the view, alone, will take your breath away. It’s a secret place, off the beaten track and and it inspires romance.

2. Under the Clock of the Ferry Building

The Golden Ghetto ~ on Saturday mornings ~ the sight of the famous Farmer’s Market. See the aubergine and tangerine, enjoy quaffing champagne, or sample at the Caviar Bar, select divine picnic items, revel in the sweet smells of butter, sugar and cinnamon wafting from the numerous bakeries, indulge in a Blue Bottle coffee…enjoy the towers of stunningly beautiful fresh flowers, and gaze at the Cowgirl Creamery cheeses…walk along the water …Everything is pretty darn seductive and suggestive. Can you say: An Affair to Remember?

3. The corner booth at The Grand Café (Geary and Taylor) It’s all about location, location, location. Sexy, seductive, alluring and private. Ambiance. Fabulous hors d’ oeuvres and great mixologists.images

4. The Make Out Room named appropriately, you don’t need another clue. Stimulating venues.

5. The Tonga Room At the Fairmont ~Nob Hill. Yum~ Drinks with tiny umbrellas – tropical atmosphere and It’s like the Tiki Room without the birds~ Nowhere else in San Francisco can you kiss in the rain forest.

6. Sweet – As you leave divine and sublime XOX truffles in North Beach- with a small box of San Francisco’s real “treat” ~The quality and richness of the 27 unforgettable tiny chocolate kisses – and yummy flavors are sure to entice~

7. Palace of Fine Arts San Francisco’s most majestic and remarkable shrine…originally created for the 1915 World’s Fair by the incredible visionary Bernard Maybeck …near the columns, under the statues of weeping women, at the lagoon or undulating grassy area.

8. Golden Gate Bridge, anytime of the day ~ must be midspan…even with the infamous summer fog and wind whipping about – The GGB is one of the City’s most romantic and frantic destinations.

9. The Pier – Crissy Field, the only pier pressure, you will find us from your gull-friends swooping overhead. 360 degree views …Crashing waves, frothy white caps, sometimes blue skies and a breathtaking skyline.

10. The Conservatory of Flowers in Golden Gate Park the spun sugar palace, replica of Kew Gardens, is all good things: sultry- sexy and steamy. Bonus ~Beautiful flowers in abundance. A Must: Buss behind the begonias…

So, get on the buss~ Everyday is Valentine’s day in Romantic San Francisco~~~

“The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge, but imagination.”      Albert Einstein

Can we talk? Girls just want to have a chat…

 It’s a fact: women tend to be more glib and voluble.

Girls just want to have dialogue

For the time it takes to push your cart through the checkout at the grocery store, two women can share a succinct, lifetime of information.

A simple, “Love those shoes,” can launch a conversation covering shopping, kids, schools, sales, babysitters, therapists, recipes, divorce attorneys, events, and books. All this before checkout.

Dr Tom Lewis, the darling of San Francisco’s famed Fromm Institute, lecturer and co-author of the book, A General Theory of Love, said findings indicate women say 1000 more words, every day, than their male counterparts. We can talk about this, if you like.

The San Francisco 3-D Club

It started with three newly divorced women who were 50-ish, avid movie buffs who had coffee and dialogue once a week.  Over the next few years, their numbers increased and a monthly dinner meeting replaced the coffee date. When the group hit 20 members – the membership doors closed. Though many knocked, wanted to join and would “pay anything to join” the eclectic, energetic group said,  “No more girls allowed.”

Each quasi-clandestine meeting has an emcee, a film reviewer and a “Top 3-D List” compiled by the host. The “Top 3-D List” is made up of three things that are divine, decadent or benevolent. In addition to being film junkies, the group has altruistic bent and has quietly supported St. Anthony’s, OneBrick, Community Thrift and the Casa de las Madres, the Pachamama Alliance, and the Avon Breast Cancer walk.

While there are no dues and no don’ts, the group has a philosophy steering clear of the negative and emphasizing the positive. They are positively social and the Club has an unspoken, “Girlfriend, have I got a guy for you” component where sometimes members introduce their male friends and colleagues to other members.

As a result, some wedding bells have pealed and repealed.

Members who have re-married have their own private club- couples only.

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”    Swedish Proverb

Flirting? Top 12 – Best Pick Up Lines

There are no rules when it comes to using Pick Up Lines – all the world is a stage – and both girls and boys get to play.

Once upon a time…a long time ago, there were two, and only two, tried and true Pick Up Lines: “Do you come here often?” and “What’s your sign” were once the holy grail of  Pick Up Lines. And, believe it or not: they worked. 

Now the bar has been raised at the bar,  the cafe, the courts. Everywhere. Creativity breeds content. Women are just as entitled and expected to extend an opening line.

Twelve Pick Up Lines, including a clunker, a loaner, a groaner and a few fast ones.

1. Don’t I know you?
2. Have we met? Would you like to?
3. Sorry, I have to ask, How was heaven when you left it?
4. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
5. Excuse me, if I followed you home, would you keep me?
6. What time do you have to be back in heaven?
7. Are you going my way?
8. Did we go to school together? I could swear…
9. May I have directions, please? (“To where?”) To your heart.
10. Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And, whoa,  I’m lost at sea.
11. Pardon me. Are you religious? Because you are the answers to all my prayers.
12. You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.

Try one – try them all.  What do you have to lose? Pick up lines and ice breakers are a means to an end – create your own – and have fun while playing the dating game.

Under the speed limit – send me your best line: page.larkin@gmail.com

San Francisco Dating  docent  Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at 50datesexaminer@gmail.com.

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column-