Online Dating Questions: reveal my real age and weight?

Hey, Page

I’m thinking about starting on Match.com. Do I really have to reveal my age? I was raised to believe ‘a lady does not reveal and a gentleman never inquires.’ A friend says I have to divulge my real height, weight, age, income, and education. Why would I reveal this information to a total stranger?

Like a Phoenix

Hey, Like a Phoenix

Good question! On some websites you can get by with a glib “we can talk about this later.” You’re absolutely right, there is no reason to divulge certain information. Your income or your religion –other topics- may be very personal. Your age and weight- will be very obvious when you meet your dates. Be sure to post current photographs of yourself.

Peace,

Page

Dear Page,

Help! I am brand-new at online dating and I am and lost.  Last week I signed up for Our Time dating.  So far I’ve been contacted by a man with a picture of him sitting on a mule, a man 20 years my senior and another guy claims his ‘best friend is Jesus.’ Another guy who is exactly 1 foot shorter than I am- that makes him 5 feet and I’m 6 feet tall. What am I doing wrong?

Nancy Newbie

Dear Nancy,

Whenever you sign up for new dating site, be sure to specify how far you are willing to travel to meet someone, list your interests, and specificy  age range and height, education level preferences– if that is important.

At first blush, a great looking guy who is 6’, who lives in New York City, might seem attractive, however chances for you, (in San Bruno)  meeting for an impetuous cup of coffee, going for a hike, or a picnic or anything else, are slim to none.

Take the time to be perfectly clear on how far you want to travel, the qualities you’re looking for in a date, and indicate if you have religious preferences (or have no interest in Bible-thumper-fundamentalists.) Good luck- let me know how your fare.

 

Hello, Page Larkin,

My brother (45) recently came out of the closet, ended his 20-year marriage and is having a dizzying new social life. His shell-shocked wife has decided she wants to go online and start dating. Which dating website would be good for her?

A friend Indeed

Hello, A friend Indeed,

First of all, joining an online dating site after a nasty divorce or separation is not a healthy transition. Indicating that your friend is shell-shocked is a clear indication that she needs therapy, time, and solace. Remember: rushing into dating after a trauma is not great idea. You would much better serve her if you listened to her and politely urged her to get professional help.

Peace and Patience,

Page

Hi Page

I just met Henry (retired, handsome, financially stable) who is perfect, except for one thing. He says his sciatica requires medical marijuana and he grows his own. He has a green house full of thriving plants. I quickly learned not to talk to him after 9 o’clock – as he is loopy. Do I ditch him or stick with him?

Mary Jane

Dear Mary Jane,

You pose a difficult question. Some would advise you to take a look at a 12-step program and take it from there. You might be quite disappointed-if push came to shove- your new beau chose to spend time with his green plants and not you.

Good luck,

Page

Top Ten First Date Buzz Kill Topics

 Page Larkin’s Top Ten Buzz Kill Topics

to Avoid on a Date

In polite society there are certain subjects one evades and escapes. It’s what we do.  Everyone knows a first date can be very much like that famous Charles Dickens line about the best of times and the worst of times.

Did I Say That Out Loud?

First date? The best thing you can do is relax and be aware of what you say and how much information you share.  When ‘suddenly single’ people meet for the first time, they may be nervous and may blather on mindlessly. You want to avoid doing that. Seriously.

This is one of those times to be mindful of the conversation and the subject matter. As you navigate merrily down the stream (of consciousness), be aware several subjects you should avoid like the plague.

In Random Order- First Date Subjects to Keep Away From:
The Top Ten Buzz Kill Subjects:
1. Plagues (i.e. frogs, gnats, flies boils, livestock, locusts)
2. Your Ex and your exploits – b-o-r-i-n-g
3. Your problematic divorce
4. Your problems (mental, physical, spiritual, emotional)
5. Details of your recent dates: good or bad or ugly
6. Deaths, dying, funerals – cast a pall on most meetings
7. Misbehaving kids. Don’t play the game: ‘My Kid is Worse Than Yours’ on a first date. Ever.
8. Financial plights and problems
9. Recent forays into rehab, the slammer, big house, or correctional facility
10. Politics can be incendiary. Tread lightly and practice diplomacy. Take a pulse before leaping into a potential inferno. Fox-TV, The Newt, The Mitt,  are not loved by all.
What Can I Say?

Yes, cards should be placed on the table. Choose your cards wisely.  Honesty is always the best policy…however, in clichéd reality: discretion is the better part of valor. First impressions are lasting and first dates can only lead to a second date or a “Don’t call me, I’ll call you. Maybe.”
San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com. Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column — click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.

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All Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner articles © 2012 by Page Larkin — reposts permitted with copyright notice and link  to original article. All other rights reserved.

The first date: are you brave enough?

You’ve seen them at the Boulange, Peet’s and Starbucks.

You can tell.

She walks in, looking around for a complete stranger. She glances at the faces of every male in the room – seriously hoping her first date-guy  looks like the photo he posted online.
When the ‘closest facsimile’ waves her over to his table, with a broad smile, she cautiously walks over to join him. She is still walking on thin ice and treading lightly. You notice they both have fake and cautious smiles plastered on their faces, half nervous, half curious.
Both are quickly adjusting to the “First-Meeting Sticker Shock.” Their minds are racing like a deck of shuffling cards.
Best-case inner dialogue could be: “Phew. Wow. What a relief!  They look exactly like the photo”.

Or worst-case scenario, both parties -with frozen smiles and minds racing with thoughts like: “What was I thinking? What a mistake. OMG. How can I get out of this? How long do I have to stay?  Check please.”

At worst, you  wasted 30 minutes…try, try, again.

Next time: ask more questions; exchange a couple more emails; talk on the phone.

Yes, skip texting – speak  to the person before actually meeting. There is no obligation to meet anyone. anytime.

It’s a Dance

You have to admire people who take the plunge, who get out there and do the dating dance. Some days, it’s like a waltz – other times it’s the Twist…or a jitterbug- fast and frenetic. When two hearts and minds collide and match – that’s the best.

Writing Profiles in Courage?

For every couple grimacing through the awkward stages of meeting somebody for coffee for the first time, there are hundreds of us sitting at home pretending to be satisfied with watching TV with a cat, surfing the web and all that other single, solitary, alone stuff.

Bravo to the brave of heart who wear their hearts on their sleeves and get out there and make the effort to meet somebody new. Gold Medals all around for the brave and the few. It’s a brave new world?

Why not put your single big toe into the Dating Game?

Today is the first day of the rest of your social life. Get out there and have fun.
Put these on  Post-it notes:
” When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” François de la Rochefoucauld
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss