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Archive for the tag “First date”

The worst – “first date movie” – avoid ‘The Other Woman’

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Hailed as The Worst Movie of The Year by the Yoga Babes

and the Mondo Mendocino Men’s Group

“The Other Woman”

Is a

Avoid at All Costs Film

 

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Dating 101: Beginners luck and not really

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Her New Year’s resolution was to try Online Dating.

He was freshly divorced and  carefully crafted a Match.com profile.  Within one hour,  she contacted him. The spoke on the phone for one hour and clicked. Kismet.

He invited her to meet him at the San Francisco’s famed Absinthe for drinks. He recognized her immediately, she smiled broadly as she walked towards him.

He stood up when she approached and kissed her on the cheek. They both ordered the signature cocktail: French 75’s – Champagne, gin and Brandied cherries. The tempting pomme frites followed. Next, a dozen oysters on the half shell.

Conversation flowed easily. They decided to stay for dinner. They have been inseparable ever since. That was over two years ago.

photo_856_20060117two coffee

Melinda got her courage up – and studied Craigslist Bay Area Single Men 50 looking for Single Women 50.

Cal, the artist, caught her eye. He wrote well – seemed smart, so she sent him an email. That evening, he wrote back. The note was light-hearted. They exchanged four emails before he suggested they speak on the phone and he sent his Berkeley phone number.

Fortified by the email exchange, she called him and they fell into easy conversation. He mentioned he had an art show at a local café and his passion was painting.  Cool. They spoke on the phone for 20-minutes before she said, “Let’s meet for coffee.” They agreed to meet at the  famous, singles, meeting spot, Peet’s on Fourth Street in Berkeley.  A date!

Melinda went back to inspect his photo. The photo was taken from afar- he was her height. He looked fine.

Candid Camera?

The next day, she drove to Berkeley, arrived early, bought a cup of coffee and scored two seats outside.  And then she waited.  Every single man that walked by caught her attention.  She knew Cal was tall with dark hair.  A little after 11 AM, a man in faded, baggy jeans, a baseball hat and sunglasses approached her table.    He said, “Are you waiting for someone?”  It took her a minute to realize this was her date.  Her first thought was, “Is this Candid Camera?”

The man standing across from her was wearing tattered clothing, dirty, old running shoes, and a stained, denim jacket.  He had a two-day stubble- or a really bad five o’clock shadow and stringy hair.  He didn’t really look like his picture, did he?  She had a preconceived image of a much more handsome man. Cal was an artist, right?

He  sat down and started talking. Melinda remained stunned by his appearance. She couldn’t help but notice how down-and-out he looked.   Was she simply shallow and hypercritical? They chatted for fifteen minutes before he mentioned needing to get something out of his car, which was across the street.  He pointed to an old, beat-up, dirty van.  That was the pièce de résistance.

She did a quick analysis of the situation  and knew full well they were not match. Not remotely.

Dramatically, she looked at her watch and told him- she had to go.  She said she was happy to meet him – she wished him well saying, “I’ve got to run. Thanks, I don’t think we are a match. Good luck.”

As she climbed into her immaculate, old Honda, she repeated, “No, no, no.”

She re-examined his Craigslist ad- and the blurry photo of the guy in the t-shirt with stringy hair and all the noted subtle clues about starving artist and hardship.

The Take Away? Indeed, picture is worth a thousand words, read the fine print and take the time to ask questions – get to know someone over the phone. First.Exit Sign

The Bore Wars or Top 10 ways to ruin a date

Spelling Game says Help Me

The Top 10 Ways to Ruin a First Date

  1. Arrive late

  2. Fail to apologize for tardiness

  3. Have just eaten loads of garlic

  4. Leave your dark glasses on

  5. Snap your fingers for waiters attention

  6. Monopolize the conversation with your favorite topic: you

  7. Use lewd and lascivious language loudly

  8. Make and take cell phone calls during date

  9. Forget your wallet and ask to borrow $10

  10. Gushing with garlic, upon departure say, “Dude, this has been cool… I’ll call you.  Don’t get your hopes up…”

“There’s no excuse to be bored. Sad, yes. Angry, yes. Depressed, yes. Crazy, yes. But there’s no excuse for boredom, ever.”

Viggo Mortensen

Critical: Trust your gut – first date nightmares

A warning sign for the publicJohn and Marsha   Nightmare #1

After a handful of e-mails and phone calls, John invited Marsha over to his house for coffee and to meet his rescue dogs.  On a whim, she agreed. Upon arrival, she found John’s house was a mess.  There were piles of clutter in the driveway, on the front steps, and the lawn. The barking dogs jumped up on Marsha while John laughed off their enthusiasm.  He eventually locked the howling hounds in the garage. The dogs had tramped in dirt and leaves into the house.  Dog food pebbles were scattered over the kitchen floor.  The house smelled like wet dogs.  Marsha was gone in 20 minutes.  She kicked herself for not asking more questions before driving the distance to John’s house. Next.

sad manClay and Janelle   Nightmare #2

Clay (62, twice divorced, poet, limo driver)  suggested he and Janelle (56, divorced, case-manger, painter, skier) skip the proverbial ‘First date -Coffee date’ and go out to dinner together.  Impulsively, she agreed. Janelle states she usually knows within 30-minutes if a first date is going to work out.  She dropped her standard coffee-date-protocol and met Clay at The House of Prime Rib.

He was tall, a bit heavier than his photo and gregarious. He suggested martinis to start the meal and she deferred to Pellegrino water.  They talked for a while before the massive menus arrived. Clay said he had his eyes on a Fred Flintstones slab of beef and encouraged her to do the same.  She politely reminded him she was a vegetarian.  She grew more uncomfortable as he became more garrulous and loud.  The waiter asked if they would like to order additional drinks before ordering their entrées and Clay said, “Absolutely!”

Straw +camel +back = broken

Janelle looked across the table and said, “Clay, I’m sorry this doesn’t feel right. I trust my instincts, and I’m going to go. Don’t get up, please. I’m going to grab a cab.  Goodbye and good luck.”

He did get up, and was a profusion of apologies.  She continued walking out of the bustling restaurant. She kicked herself for not following her gut.

A dinner date is always going to be a minimum of 60 minutes.  She’d made a mistake and didn’t spend enough time talking before meeting for the date. Lesson learned: trust your gut.

Think about it, do you want to sit across from a total stranger who “seemed nice on the phone”- or someone you know you have some concrete things in common with and who has potential?

“There is no logical way to the discovery of these elemental laws. There is only the way of intuition, which is helped by a feeling for the order lying behind the appearance”     Albert Einstein

Exit Sign

Dear Page: Online dating questions: reveal age and weight?

ringgg

Hey, Page

I’m thinking about starting on Match.com. Do I really have to reveal my age? I was raised to believe ‘a lady does not reveal and a gentleman never inquires.’ A friend says I have to divulge my real height, weight, age, income, and education. Why would I reveal this information to a total stranger?

Like a Phoenix

Hey, Like a Phoenix

Good question! On some websites you can get by with a glib “we can talk about this later.” You’re absolutely right, there is no reason to divulge certain information. Your income or your religion – other topics- may be very personal. Your age and weight- will be very obvious when you meet your dates. Be sure to post current photographs of yourself.

Peace,

Page

Dear Page,

Help! I am brand-new at online dating and I am and lost.  Last week I signed up for Our Time dating.  So far I’ve been contacted by a man with a picture of him sitting on a mule, a man 20 years my senior and another guy claims his ‘best friend is Jesus.’ Another guy who is exactly 1 foot shorter than I am- that makes him 5 feet and I’m 6 feet tall. What am I doing wrong?

Nancy Newbie

Dear Nancy,

Whenever you sign up for new dating site, be sure to specify how far you are willing to travel to meet someone, list your interests, and specificy  age range and height, education level preferences– if that is important.

At first blush, a great looking guy who is 6’, who lives in New York City, might seem attractive, however chances for you, (in San Bruno)  meeting for an impetuous cup of coffee, going for a hike, or a picnic or anything else, are slim to none.

Take the time to be perfectly clear on how far you want to travel, the qualities you’re looking for in a date, and indicate if you have religious preferences (or have no interest in Bible-thumper-fundamentalists.) Good luck- let me know how your fare.

 

Hello, Page Larkin,

My brother (45) recently came out of the closet, ended his 20-year marriage and is having a dizzying new social life. His shell-shocked wife has decided she wants to go online and start dating. Which dating website would be good for her?

A friend Indeed

Hello, A friend Indeed,

First of all, joining an online dating site after a nasty divorce or separation is not a healthy transition. Indicating that your friend is shell-shocked is a clear indication that she needs therapy, time, and solace. Remember: rushing into dating after a trauma is not great idea. You would much better serve her if you listened to her and politely urged her to get professional help.

Peace and Patience,

Page

Hi Page

I just met Henry (retired, handsome, financially stable) who is perfect, except for one thing. He says his sciatica requires medical marijuana and he grows his own. He has a green house full of thriving plants. I quickly learned not to talk to him after 9 o’clock – as he is loopy. Do I ditch him or stick with him?

Mary Jane

Dear Mary Jane,

You pose a difficult question. Some would advise you to take a look at a 12-step program and take it from there. You might be quite disappointed-if push came to shove- your new beau chose to spend time with his green plants and not you.

Good luck,

Page

Exit Sign

Top Ten First Date Buzz Kill Topics

 Page Larkin’s Top Ten Buzz Kill Topics

to Avoid on a Date

In polite society there are certain subjects one evades and escapes. It’s what we do.  Everyone knows a first date can be very much like that famous Charles Dickens line about the best of times and the worst of times.

Did I Say That Out Loud?

First date? The best thing you can do is relax and be aware of what you say and how much information you share.  When ‘suddenly single’ people meet for the first time, they may be nervous and may blather on mindlessly. You want to avoid doing that. Seriously.

This is one of those times to be mindful of the conversation and the subject matter. As you navigate merrily down the stream (of consciousness), be aware several subjects you should avoid like the plague.

In Random Order- First Date Subjects to Keep Away From:
The Top Ten Buzz Kill Subjects:
1. Plagues (i.e. frogs, gnats, flies boils, livestock, locusts)
2. Your Ex and your exploits – b-o-r-i-n-g
3. Your problematic divorce
4. Your problems (mental, physical, spiritual, emotional)
5. Details of your recent dates: good or bad or ugly
6. Deaths, dying, funerals – cast a pall on most meetings
7. Misbehaving kids. Don’t play the game: ‘My Kid is Worse Than Yours’ on a first date. Ever.
8. Financial plights and problems
9. Recent forays into rehab, the slammer, big house, or correctional facility
10. Politics can be incendiary. Tread lightly and practice diplomacy. Take a pulse before leaping into a potential inferno. Fox-TV, The Newt, The Mitt,  are not loved by all.
What Can I Say?

Yes, cards should be placed on the table. Choose your cards wisely.  Honesty is always the best policy…however, in clichéd reality: discretion is the better part of valor. First impressions are lasting and first dates can only lead to a second date or a “Don’t call me, I’ll call you. Maybe.”
San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com. Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column — click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.

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All Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner articles © 2012 by Page Larkin — reposts permitted with copyright notice and link  to original article. All other rights reserved.

Brave enough for a first date?

photo_856_20060117two coffeeYou’ve seen them at the Boulange, Peet’s and Starbucks. You can tell: first date.

She walks in, looking around for a complete stranger. She glances at the face of every male in the room – seriously hoping her first date-guy looks like the photo he posted online.

When the ‘closest facsimile’ waves her over to his table, with a broad smile, she cautiously walks over to join him. She is still walking on thin ice and treading lightly. You notice they both have fake and cautious smiles plastered on their faces, half nervous, half curious.

Both are quickly adjusting to the “First-Meeting Sticker Shock.” Their minds are racing like a deck of shuffling cards.

Best-case inner dialogue could be: “Phew. Wow. What a relief! They look exactly like the photo”.

Or worst-case scenario, both parties -with frozen smiles and minds racing with thoughts like: “What was I thinking? What a mistake. OMG. How can I get out of this? How long do I have to stay? Check please.”

alarm clockAt worst, you wasted 30 minutes…try, try, again.

Next time: ask more questions; exchange a couple more emails; talk on the phone.

Yes, skip texting – speak to the person before actually meeting. There is no obligation to meet anyone. anytime.

It’s a Dance

You have to admire people who take the plunge, who get out there and do the dating dance. Some days, it’s like a waltz – other times it’s the Twist…or a jitterbug- fast and frenetic. When two hearts and minds collide and match – that’s the best.

Writing Profiles in Courage?

For every couple grimacing through the awkward stages of meeting somebody for coffee for the first time, there are hundreds of us sitting at home pretending to be satisfied with watching TV with a cat, surfing the web and all that other single, solitary, alone stuff.

Bravo to the brave of heart who wear their hearts on their sleeves and get out there and make the effort to meet somebody new. Gold Medals all around for the brave and the few. It’s a brave new world?

Why not put your single big toe into the Dating Game?

Today is the first day of the rest of your social life. Get out there and have fun.

Put these on Post-it notes:

“When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” François de la Rochefoucauld

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.

You’re on your own.

And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss

The first date: are you brave enough?

You’ve seen them at the Boulange, Peet’s and Starbucks.

You can tell.

She walks in, looking around for a complete stranger. She glances at the faces of every male in the room – seriously hoping her first date-guy  looks like the photo he posted online.
When the ‘closest facsimile’ waves her over to his table, with a broad smile, she cautiously walks over to join him. She is still walking on thin ice and treading lightly. You notice they both have fake and cautious smiles plastered on their faces, half nervous, half curious.
Both are quickly adjusting to the “First-Meeting Sticker Shock.” Their minds are racing like a deck of shuffling cards.
Best-case inner dialogue could be: “Phew. Wow. What a relief!  They look exactly like the photo”.

Or worst-case scenario, both parties -with frozen smiles and minds racing with thoughts like: “What was I thinking? What a mistake. OMG. How can I get out of this? How long do I have to stay?  Check please.”

At worst, you  wasted 30 minutes…try, try, again.

Next time: ask more questions; exchange a couple more emails; talk on the phone.

Yes, skip texting – speak  to the person before actually meeting. There is no obligation to meet anyone. anytime.

It’s a Dance

You have to admire people who take the plunge, who get out there and do the dating dance. Some days, it’s like a waltz – other times it’s the Twist…or a jitterbug- fast and frenetic. When two hearts and minds collide and match – that’s the best.

Writing Profiles in Courage?

For every couple grimacing through the awkward stages of meeting somebody for coffee for the first time, there are hundreds of us sitting at home pretending to be satisfied with watching TV with a cat, surfing the web and all that other single, solitary, alone stuff.

Bravo to the brave of heart who wear their hearts on their sleeves and get out there and make the effort to meet somebody new. Gold Medals all around for the brave and the few. It’s a brave new world?

Why not put your single big toe into the Dating Game?

Today is the first day of the rest of your social life. Get out there and have fun.
Put these on  Post-it notes:
” When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” François de la Rochefoucauld
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss

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