Six men met in the back room at Bix on Gold Alley to debrief about their old divorces and new dating dilemmas. The ground rules were: no names, no bashing.
It was just six suddenly single guys around age 50/60 who had too many nightmares and not enough dream dates –and they wanted to “share.” We met for 90 minutes. Their biggest complaint was that women today are less than polite – they are rude.
Mike D. said he keeps running into women who lack social graces. He admits to being ‘old school” and holds a door open for a woman, opens a car door, says “ Please and thank you.” However, he thinks the women he meets online are abrupt, rude and bossy. The other men nodded, in agreement.
He was the first to opine that after a dinner (expensive) many woman fail to say, “Thank you.” Rather, he has heard on more than one occasion, “We don’t have chemistry. Taxi!”
Ladies, an appropriate comment after a date is, “Thank you.”
(Thank you for a (choose one) wonderful/interesting/ good date– I enjoyed getting to know you” … is also appropriate.)
Conversely, if a date goes bad and you are uncomfortable or troubled by your date’s behavior (rude, rage, vulgar, a troglodyte) – use these two words: “Check, please!”
John K. said a woman on Match.com contacted him and said ‘Call me.’ He called – it sounded like she was in the car- in commute traffic and obviously distracted. Within two minutes, she said, “Let’s meet tomorrow at 6 pm at the hotel bar.” He moved appointments and made it on time. They met and within five minutes she said, “There is no chemistry here.” And she walked out of the café. All the guys agreed: he dodged a bullet.
Kendra is a client who works downtown in a male-dominated profession. She admits she has become more aggressive just to stay on top of the game. She’s been told that she is both brassy and bold by some of her dates. She says she has tried to tone it down. She is till working on it.
Gail works in the District Attorney’s office. Her first husband used to tell her to ‘Lose the claws and tuck in her fangs.’ before she came home from work. Her second has husband recently made comments to the same effect. She admits she has become one very tough cookie. Her closest friends readily agree.
Tough cookies don’t do well in the dating game – generally speaking.
Howard A. (52, Ph.D., poet, runner) said he took an attractive woman (55, teacher, swimmer) to dinner at Epic Roadhouse and thought they were having a nice time. The chatted amiably, liked many of the same things, and after dessert she said, “I have to get back to my son. ”Which was a bizarre way to end a date. Her son is 25. Later that evening she sent Howard A. an e-mail indicating she couldn’t date a man who didn’t have children. Really?
NOTE: Girls and boys, “winking” on Match.com is the lowest form of flirtation. Don’t do it. Take the 60-seconds it takes to pen a one-liner.
And please don’t say you are ‘Super shy and can’t write.’ Get in the game- make an effort. This is the dating game where you have to extend yourself to meet somebody. Standing by the sidelines and hoping to be noticed is not the way to get involved.
Helene of Troy writes in her profile “I’m a very shy person- if I look at your profile that means I might like you. Please be in touch with me.” Hey, Helene, get real. Extend a little energy and get in the game.
Girls, here are First Three Rules of Dating
#1. Always say ‘thank you.’
#2 First date: offer to pay your half. At a meal-offer to pay for the drinks or the dessert- don’t assume the man is going to pick up the tab.
#3. If an individual has gone to the trouble of sending you and-mail, the courteous thing to do (even if the person is not your liking) is to respond. Thank the person for the correspondence and either go forward or say, “Thanks, we are not a match – good luck.”
Ladies, please incorporate those three simple etiquette rules into your lifestyle and there will be fewer Men’s Groups lamenting dating in San Francisco in 2013. Thank you!