‘Date Watchers’ is a local, dynamic, new group with a lot to say. Look out.

They get together once a week at the Champagne Bakery and weigh in on dating.

The women discuss dating decorum and delusions as well as romance rites and wrongs. Lofty subjects include: how many calories in a sweet nothing? Are there twice as many calories in a double entendre? Who pays on the second date? Is it polite to refer a date, who didn’t quite work, out to a friend? Do you tweet, text or talk?

Talking in Code?

The sumptuous atmosphere of the bakery has inspired a shorthand to describe dating bombes, trifles and the much sought after: angel food. A ‘napoleon’ is someone who is sweet, yet has shortcomings; a ‘sponge cake’, is one who tries to borrow money, a ‘pound cake’ is someone who is dull and heavy. A person who is ‘a soufflé has no substance. Crullers and duffs and fools are not in their sweet dating repertoire.

Required reading this month is Greg Behrendt’s “He’s Just Not That Into You” a hard-hitting, no-nonsense book they regard as their ‘bible’.

As far as Role models, the group subscribes to the sage observations of  Mother Teresa. And, naturally, Mae West.

Mother Teresa said: “If we want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”
Mae West said: “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”

Date Watchers appear default to a more ‘West-ern’ philosophy.

All Rise to the Occasion

There are about a dozen women, at any given meeting, and it appears they fall into three distinct categories. Roughly one third of the women have put their big toe into the Internet dating pool.They report they are happy with just a short, sweet introduction.

The others have dived into the deep end of dating: hearts first.  They are the true storytellers. And, boy, do they tell stories!

Thr third faction is made up of true date-watchers… they live vicariously through the stories – of their daring dating sisters.

Next week, four of the women have agreed to do Canon Balls into the deep end of the sparkling dating pool and sign up on Match.com.

“It is better to be looked over than overlooked” Mae West

They don’t have CCR’s – however, they have a dating code of ethics based on the Golden Rule.

Some of their beliefs are predicated on the philosophy of Socrates and Camus: happiness is fleeting kind of an idea. Meanwhile, the Date Watchers sit amidst glass cases filled with divinity and ambrosia and debate the choice of upside down cake versus wedding cake.                                                    

How sweet it is.

1. Sweetwater– the legendary Mill Valley music club everyone flocked to in the 70‘s and 80‘s ( All hail Jules Broussard) opens Friday night at the new address- the Masonic Lodge at 19 Corte Madera Ave.

Thanks and kudos to  Bob Weir- a gentleman and a giant.

2.) Take a hike: Mount Tamalpais is the “go to“ destination for millions of visitors every year. People come from all over the world to hike, bike, hang glide, ride horses, bird watch, photograph, study plants, flowers, trees and explore. The magnificent views absolutely  take your breath away…as do a number of the scenic and strenuous hiking trails.

3.) Take your choice: Marin is magical – there are multiple choices for entertainment, wandering and playing. Of course, you can go biking, strolling, hiking, dining, shopping or – see a first-run movie at the wonderful Rafael Theater. Drive over the Golden Gate Bridge – leave the City behind -and explore multi-faceted and fun Marin County.

4.) And Culture, too   People “in the know”  flock  to Marin’s Best Bookstore – Book Passages of Corte Madera. They also ‘know’ the Best Movie Theater for first run films and home of the Mill Valley Film festival is is the newly restored, Art Deco, the Rafael in San Rafael on Fourth Street.

5.) Try Any One of These Four Great Restaurants:

1. Piazza d Angelo - a wonderful Italian restaurant located in downtown Mill Valley on the square
2. My Thai in San Rafael with the best Thai food in all of Marin  food -located at 1230 Fourth
3. Tommy’s Wok – Sausalito- the best Chinese food in all of Marin County
4.  Best Sunday Brunch with a live, non stop Bicycle Parade- Poggio – Sausalito

5.) Barry Spitz and Four Great Hikes Mr Marin County - hiking authority, lecturer, author and ‘man about town’, Barry Spitz, is the go- to-guy for any and all information about majestic (6400 acres) Mount Tamalpais

His recent book, Tamalpais Trails is a bible to legions of  hikers and Marin residents. Try one these Marin hikes:

1. Best- to the beach- short Hike- Mill Valley Tennessee Valley - Pack a picnic and enjoy land and sea.
2. Best Hike @ 0900 Sunday – Ross – Phoenix Lake  2.33 miles and is considered a little rigorous, vigorous and spectacular.
3. Best -here we go around the lake – Mt Tam has five man made lakes. Try  Alpine Lake – for a start.
4.  Best Hike Tiburon – Ring Mountain – You can’t see Russia – however, you can see three counties. There are acres and acres of hills, trails and try to find the petroglyph’s. Bring water and binoculars. Pick up a picnic at the yummy and upscale Paradise Market.

Take the ferry to Marin County …You are to Welcome to Marin – any day of the week.

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at 50datesexaminer@gmail.com.
All Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner articles © 2012 by Page Larkin; reposts permitted with copy written notice and link to original article. All other rights reserved. All Photographs: FREE RANGE STOCK

You can tell.

She walks in, looking around for a complete stranger. She glances at the face of every male in the room – seriously hoping her first date-guy looks like the photo he posted online.

When the ‘closest facsimile’ waves her over to his table, with a broad smile, she cautiously walks over to join him. She is still walking on thin ice and treading lightly. You notice they both have fake and cautious smiles plastered on their faces, half nervous, half curious.

Both are quickly adjusting to the “First-Meeting Sticker Shock.” Their minds are racing like a deck of shuffling cards.

Best-case inner dialogue could be: “Phew. Wow. What a relief! They look exactly like the photo”.

Or worst-case scenario, both parties -with frozen smiles and minds racing with thoughts like: “What was I thinking? What a mistake. OMG. How can I get out of this? How long do I have to stay? Check please.”

At worst, you wasted 30 minutes…try, try, again.

Next time: ask more questions; exchange a couple more emails; talk on the phone.

Yes, skip texting – speak to the person before actually meeting. There is no obligation to meet anyone. anytime.

It’s a Dance

You have to admire people who take the plunge, who get out there and do the dating dance. Some days, it’s like a waltz – other times it’s the Twist…or a jitterbug- fast and frenetic. When two hearts and minds collide and match – that’s the best.

Writing Profiles in Courage?

For every couple grimacing through the awkward stages of meeting somebody for coffee for the first time, there are hundreds of us sitting at home pretending to be satisfied with watching TV with a cat, surfing the web and all that other single, solitary, alone stuff.

Bravo to the brave of heart who wear their hearts on their sleeves and get out there and make the effort to meet somebody new. Gold Medals all around for the brave and the few. It’s a brave new world?

Why not put your single big toe into the Dating Game?

Today is the first day of the rest of your social life. Get out there and have fun.

Put these on Post-it notes:

“When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” François de la Rochefoucauld

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss

Marketing 101

there is a plethora of books, lectures, and videos telling singles who are 50 plus    how to package their assets, develop a personal brand, leverage niche marketing, use direct mail and telemarketing to get the word out, establish a sweetheart-hunting budget, and hold quarterly performance reviews to assess the results.

Bewitched, bothered and really bewildered? Relax; it doesn’t have to be that complicated, unless you are vying for that MBA in Singles Marketing Theorem.  Go Thoreau and enjoy the process and simplify.

Picky, Picky, Picky. Online Dating Peccadilloes

So what has changed since the thrilling 1970’s? Today, there are dozens of studies analyzing every aspect of dating, online dating, speed dating and coping with being suddenly single. Analysis done at UC Berkeley indicates that when it come to online dating women, are pickier than men. Interesting.

It also sounds like the girls are a lot less flexible in their ‘preferences’ for age and ethnicity than the boys. Perhaps more girls are still subscribing to that old hunter-gatherer syndrome: men hunt – women wait – to be contacted. What’s up with that? Bon vivant, Ronnie Raven of Baltimore, says “Tell women it’s all a numbers game. And, you’ve got to get in the game or you don’t get to play.”  Game on? You will have more fun getting into the game than watching from the single solitary sidelines.

Are Men  More Open-minded?

Evidence also states that guys involved in the dating game, cast a wider net than women. Men generally have very few limits, or restrictions, when they are looking for their potential dates. As a rule, guys tend to “reach out and touch” more women – more often. Men are consistently labeled as being ‘visual’. Some say men get virtual whiplash from rapidly scanning photographs of women on Match.com. Men are all about pictures. Dating guru, Dr Diana Kirschner, author of the best selling, Love in 90 Days, encourages women to register on, at least, two dating sites and to make the date quest a daily habit.

See here: Top 30 Dating Blogs

“There is no remedy for love but to love more.” Henry David Thoreau

Avoid these three pitfalls and on line blunders:

1. The Big Hat and Sunglasses – never submit a photo of you enshrouded in a large hat and sunglasses. The photo screams, “I am hiding something – bad hair, no hair, tattoos, or evil squinty eyes or, my true age.”

2. Clichés are your enemy- avoid them – especially the very trite: ” Read my lips; I am man’s best friend; make my day; I want a meaningful relationship; no love lost; when you lie like a rug.” Please delete, “I love to laugh” Really? As opposed to, what? And side step the swirl of ‘I look great in designer jeans or a little black dress; tuxedo/jeans, and the egregious glass -half -empty cliché. Finally, the worst whine-line: “This is hard to write.” Listen, Binkie, you can do this.

3. Spell check is your friend – Are you really a ‘Gentile giant’? Or an ‘empty half class girl’? Can you really look great in ‘a tuxedo and jeans,’ together?

Best Advice? Ease on into the dating game – make your own rules- respect the dynamic – one step at a time.

“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.” Thoreau

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column- click the Subscribe button  on this page. San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at: Page.Larkin@gmail.com Follow me on Face book

All Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner articles © 2012 by Page Larkin- reposts permitted with copy written notice and link to original article. All other rights reserved

Suggested by the author:

Oh, boy! Mensch up and be all that you can be

City Secrets: hot spot for a second date

The Larkin Letters: EHarmony: like playing ping pong underwater?

Boo! What are you afraid of?

Keep It Simple Sweetheart – Is Craigslist your Cupid?

Craigslist is an easy, first step in online dating. If you have gathered the courage and decided to explore online dating, it’s important to do some cogent research.

Start with Babysteps

Craig’s is user-friendly, accessible, and entertaining. Any good dating coach worth their salt will tell you to take a stroll down the aisles of Craigslist and scrutinize “Men seeking women/ Women seeking men” categories in your age group. Peruse a couple dozen personal ads. Take it all with a grain of salt.

Curious? What caught your eye: a clever headline or  pithy prose?

Maybe it was it the honest, direct and forthright writing style? Keep reading.  Next, take a look at the ads in New York City, Chicago and Los Angeles. Compare and contrast the style and the messages. You’ll notice, immediately, that San Francisco has a distinctive flair and style. Be prepared to encounter some very well-crafted entertaining ads and some less than imaginative (okay, crass) missives.

Free: Everyone’s Favorite Price?

One  reason Craigslist is so popular is the price: free. Do you get what you paid for? Like Plenty of Fish and OkCupid, the two other leading free dating sites, the ‘free factor’ does attract an element – you may wish to avoid.

Another reason for Craigslist huge popularity is the big “Anonymous factor”.

The vast majority of posters refrain from posting a photo. And, frankly, one never knows if the information posted is authentic or accurate. There are those who troll and trawl the halls of Craigslist – sending off an inane comment now and  then.

You will quickly learn the phrase “your pic gets mine” is part of the site’s vocabulary and a good modus operandi.

To place a Craigslist ad requires little time and a little imagination. Typical ads on Craigslist are 50 words – or less.  Best advice? Choose your words carefully and take your time. Try it once or twice, or not at all.

Many happy people have connected on Craigslist. Don’t hurry. Exchange the emails, speak on the phone – at length- ask questions and, if there is a comfort level established,  meet for coffee in a very public place.

It’s an experience and remember,  no matter what the price: buyer beware.

“Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at PAGE.LARKIN@gmail.com

Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column- the nefarious Subscribe button at the top of the page.

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All Page Larkin Dating@50 Examiner articles © 2012 by Page Larkin; reposts permitted with copywritten notice and link to original article. All other rights reserved

Heard horror stories about rude online dating behavior?

 Page Larkin’s Five Online Dating Etiquette Tips:

1.) Respond, sil vous plait or You talkin to me?

The biggest complaint heard from online daters is about the lack of response. Hey kids, here’s the rule: if somebody takes the time to drop you a polite note of interest – you have a responsibility to answer back.
(Note: If the message is wacky, bizarre or peculiar- or the person sending it appears to be all of the above, you need not reply- simply delete and move on.)
However, new dater, if you receive an email from someone – okay, maybe not your ideal mate – maybe not even close – but he or she took the time to write you a note. Your job? Write back. Not a tome – not a poem – a simple message along the lines of, “Thanks, we are not a match – good luck in your pursuits.”  That’s all. Simple and sweet.

2.) Can You Please Say Thank You?
The men have spoken and complain loudly some women barely utter a “thanks” after a date. Hello, ladies? Are you Ms Manners or missed manners?

3.) Hit-and-Run
Knowing full well that online dating is truly a numbers game, (See Catch and Release in the Coy pond) there are some who send out a dozen “winks” every day. What is a wink? A wink is the lowest form of online social connection. It requires little time or effort.  It involves the wannabe dater to click a tiny icon, which sends a message to the recipient, indicating absolutely no effort made. How popular is a wink? Many online dating profiles start with, “No winks, please.” Translated: “Come on, and make the effort to write at least one cogent sentence.”

4.) Talk, Talk, Talk
Okay, so you are fascinating and you don’t mind telling everyone. One of the biggest buzz kills on a first date? The non-stop talker. It’s okay to be nervous. It’s okay to be chatty. It’s a mortal sin to blather on and neglect asking questions. Save the monologue for a Stand-Up routine.

5.) The Houdini Disappearing Act
So you‘ve exchanged a half dozen emails – share many of the same “likes”, seem to have a little chemistry- and boom! They are gone.

Not a word: text-email-nada. What’s up with that? Are they players? Fakes? Voyeurs? Or just plain rude? If, at any juncture, the chemistry isn’t there – politely bow out of the conversation with a well meaning, “Thanks for the conversation, enjoyed it and wish you all the best.” Yes, that’s a lot better than nothing.

Can’t we all just get along? Be nice. According to Greater Good in Berkeley – being kind –(polite) – will make you happy.

Be polite; write diplomatically; even in a declaration of war one observes the rules of politeness.  Otto Von Bismarck

Are you resolved?

New Resolutions are a good thing and January is the best time for making new friends, dates, and acquaintances.

Get in the game. You’re not get meet anyone sitting on the couch.

Get up. Get out and get the New Year on.

Carbon Dating- Speed Dating- Blind Dating

Twenty 12: Try a new Internet dating site; join a walking, running, hiking, biking  group or take up badminton, Pilates, ping-pong, spelunking or even skydiving.

Remember, ‘new’ is good. In January, gyms are rabid  about enrollment and have super special offers and promotions. Shop for a great deal and read the fine print.  See Meetup.com and Urban Diversion for a huge repertory of  very diverse, fun events, groups, and venues.

Over-achieving Not Required -  It’s not necessary to leap tall buildings in a single bound.  In Twenty 12  resolve to meet new people and get in the dating game.   It will be a lot easier if you push away from the mouse in your house, cut back on texting,  unplug you ear phones and engage. Talk to people. Smile. Look people  in the eye. Flirt, already.

In Twenty 12 Resolve: to join in the human race, at your own pace.  Its a brand New Year – full of possibilities.  Here’s a novel idea: converse with people rather than texting, “friend-ing” or merely emailing.

How many people – men and women- do you say ‘hey’ to everyday? Starting today: multiply that number by 2. Double dare you.

Save the art of conversation.

“A conversation goes sometimes into personal things and that’s nicer. You look to each other and you have a different picture, you get into a relationship.” Max. Schnell

A new calendar year means all those little white squares are opportunities for fun and new beginnings. Join me, and the legions who believe Twenty 12  is going to be a  New Year with promise and potential.

Attitude of Gratitude, I’ve got it:  A special note of gratitude to all of you who have been so supportive with entertaining notes, quips, emails, poignant secrets and hot tips this past year.

Wishes for a Happy, Happy, New Year!

Top Ten Dating Rules for Girls Over 50

The Birthday Girls, once the brazen 49-er’s

are turning 50.

The coterie subscribes to the “Life is short, kick up your heels” philosophy. On the precipice of hitting 50 – with gusto - they created their very own ‘Un-bucket list’

Through the decades, the friends have been through the highest highs and the lowest lows. Cherie B, their scribe, writes:  “At times, life was like heaven (weddings, babies, careers, white picket fences, celebrations) and like hell (teenagers, parents dying, and making ex-husbands).”

The 10 women who met as coeds at UCLA have gracefully blossomed into women. At their big 5-0 celebration, they decided to kick up their heels at their favorite restaurant, Aziza and finish the night at Zero-Zero.

Statistics: Some Suddenly Single  – Their Creed

As fate would have it, six of the women are single and blithely swimming in, or hanging around, the dating pool.  After their celebration with champagne and exquisite pink cupcakes, punctuated with storytelling and paroxysms of laughter, the women compiled their own

Top Ten Dating Rules at 50 List

 ‘Life is Short and I Won’t Settle List

1. I won’t sit by the phone or the computer waiting for a man to reach out. I will be proactive and flirt – early and often.

2. I won’t respond to a man who sends me a photo of him hiding and enshrouded in a hat and sunglasses.

3. I won’t be impressed with anyone who sends a canned greeting (Hello Angel, does God know you left heaven?)

4. I won’t meet anyone for a date in a parking lot, a bowling alley, or the Indy 500.

5. I won’t kiss and tell, but I might kiss again. And, again.

6. I won’t hesitate to delete grumps, grouches, less than honest forthright people from my life.

7. I won’t waste time with people who see the glass as chipped, broken or empty.

8. I won’t miss the opportunity for a hug or a kiss. Holding hands is a priority.

9. I won’t wear Crocs, Uggs, Sweats, fanny-packs, Lanz nighties, shoulder pads, granny glasses or acid wash jeans. And, I won’t date a guy with a proclivity for all of the above.

10. I won’t let anyone rain on my parade. Life is a cabaret. I will sing and dance like my hair is on fire.

The robust “49-ers” default to laughing, sharing, and supporting one another.  Thirty years ago they were new at the dating game- and here they go again – back in the dating saddle. Ride on, girls. Happy Birthday.

“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.” Robert Frost