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What happened to sexy, single, Sally?

Suddenly Single

 She is single, 50+, a yoga devotee, well read, well adjusted, fun, and energetic. And she met a dead end dude online

 Sally met Roger online-he was newly divorced a little awkward and naïve. Yet, she said he was sweet and fun to be with. She told her friends he “needed work and had potential.”

They dated for a month before she had to leave on a two-week business trip. Upon return, she met Roger for dinner at a trendy new San Francisco restaurant that he had researched and made reservations. Promising.

He was a nice guy, who was certainly not a flirt, or dancer. He had been married so long he was “out the social whirl” and “didn’t get out much” kind of a guy. However, he was open to trying new adventures.   And he was kind.

She made sure she looked hot when met him at the restaurant. She was happy to see him. He was like a puppy; he was excited and nervous. She guessed absence did make the heart grow fonder.

As they were finishing their entrées, Roger mentioned his law school friend- he called the guy his “Social Mentor”- told him about interesting new opportunity. Evidently, there was a wonderful group of really lovely people living together in a “common house” in Marin.

Jet-lagged, Sally was half listening- did he say commune?

His new mentor, Big Daddy, encouraged Roger to spread his wings, to drink in his new freedom as a single man with gusto and to explore all kinds of new avenues.

“Uh, oh,” thought Sally,  “This sounds like a Midlife Crisis 101.”

The nervous man across from her was now espousing the potential for pure joy and freedom in a polyamorous relationship.   What were her thoughts? Roger looked a little embarrassed, however his closing argument seemed very well rehearsed.

The mere mention of Polyamory, sleeping around and a commune in Marin County  and Sally knew she was wasting her time. Seriously wasting.

She very carefully folded her napkin, looked at Roger, and told him she didn’t “share” – that she was disappointed. As she slowly pushed her chair back, she stood up and said and said, in a stage whisper, “I am very disappointed in you, Roger. Good Bye.”

By this time, most eyes in the restaurant were on, the tall, attractive, brunette leaving… with the balding, older guy sitting alone at the table.

She walked out of the restaurant. Never to be heard of again… until the next night, when she went out with friends, and regaled them with “The story of Roger the bumbling roué”

 

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Top 5: What Not to Write on You Match Profile

sad-manDon’t Make These Top 5 Mistakes

Annie, divorced and single long enough – decided to try online dating. Filled with optimism and excitement, she proceeded. After two days, she found there were “Five Kinds of  Guys with Issues” she avoided.

 1.  The Grump: This dictator writes: “Your picture better be from this year; your height and weight had better be accurate-mine is!    Or: “I’m active and virile, I only date younger women.” (Better living through chemistry Mr. Smart and 70?) or: “Don’t be an empty nest whiner looking for me to cheer you up”.

Dear Mr. Grump:Please  go out for a run; meditate; write poetry; ride your bike on Baby Heads Hill… Chill. Using your one chance to impress a woman and sounding like a grumpy old man is a surefire buzz kill. Ciao, adios, see ya!

2. Mr. “Must Have” Shopping List Maker  Annie noticed that many men had “shopping lists” when it came to the woman they wanted to date…

Some of the “Must Have Shopping Lists” read like this:

  • You must like the great outdoors and camping and bonfires,
  • You must like putting on a little black dress and go dancing with me,
  • You must like entertaining my friends and being spontaneous
  • You must be ready to leave on an trip at the drop of a hat;
  • You must better prefer me over your friends;
  • You better like jogging, sailing, biking, hiking, and kayaking, spelunking…
  • You must be a tomboy not “a girly girl”

      You Must Be Kidding 

#3 Mr. Rambler- He writes and writes – ad nauseam; extolling his virtues, attempting to be clever and witty, enumerating his degrees, experiences, education, homes – in the past 40 years. Note : After the third paragraph, certainly most women would defer to Too Long To Read. Remember: Brevity is the soul of wit.

#4. Mr. I’ve Got Nothing: So I’ll show you bunch of pictures. This man, not a writer, decides to overcompensate and post 20 pictures of the great outdoors: sky, sea, birds, rocks, and trees. This buzz kill  ploy is deemed very boring. And, posting photographs of yourself as  a child, or with your 10 best friends or  you clad in  sunglasses and a hat? Don’t even think about it.  Call all of the above a dead-end street. Ask a friend, neighbor, child to take 3 good photos of you.

Note: Hire a writer to help you.

#5. Mr. So What if I live 3000 Miles Away-you are cute. Annie was astounded by the number of men who lived on the East Coast or Seattle or Albuquerque who wanted IM or Skype with her. Chances of impetuous coffee date, a walk along the water, with somebody in Seattle/San Diego – not going to happen. Sorry, Charlie.

Chip and Skip, two randy bachelors in Seattle, claim the women in San Francisco are all prettier, thinner, healthier than their Seattle sisters. So these two guys troll the 94127 zip code hoping to IM or Skype their California dreaming girls. Good Luck with that.

 unnamed-10What Works?

No Grumps Allowed; No Goofy Pictures with sun glasses and hats;  No College Essay length postings bragging about your myriad accomplishments; No Ex-bashing – or Bragging…

Try Succinct, Sweet, Kind – It works  every time, with the right person.

ilove u_-9

 

Roger and Sally: The Last Supper

Roger0717He wanted a Bob, Ted, Carol, and Alice kind of  dating arrangement.
She preferred a One-on-One.
Who Won?

The Finale: The Last Supper

Our guy, Roger- after a plethora of dead end dates -finally met a good match. He and Sally (58, single, smart, successful, fun, available) clicked, matched, and had chemistry. They got tested for STDs and made plans.

He had finally met a woman who shared many of his interests, was financially and mentally stable and, she liked him. They had been dating for a few weeks, when he took on his pal, Big Daddy, as his “Social Mentor.”

Big Daddy had an unusual living situation – he lived in an actual commune. After a walk-through of the property, he invited Roger to join in the fun, to open his eyes and participate in “the flow.”

Roger had visions of Sally involved in this new experiment. He decided to share the polyamorous proposition with her. He wanted her to participate.

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At dinner that evening, Roger nervously explained his new idea of multiple sex partners and experimentation.

At first Sally thought he was joking and she laughed. The sixty-something, hair thinning, body expanding, conservative attorney, dad and dedicated son, now wanted to play musical partners?

Sally realized he was dead serious and said,  “Roger, I don’t share. That isn’t going to happen. I’m leaving.”

He looked sheepish and tried to smile.

On her way out she said, “I’m disappointed in you and saddened by your decision. Goodbye.”

Other diners stared at Roger as she walked out of the restaurant.

Big Daddy had warned Roger some women were traditional and myopic. He should expect the worst and be prepared and hope for the best.

The following day, Roger went to get his back waxed, a pedicure and new underwear. He wanted to call Sally and tell her the funny story at the salon. He realized they wouldn’t be talking…

Let the party begin?

 

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Two kinds of men online? Are you a wolf or a puppy?

photo_1102_20060215Online dating-  there are two kinds of guys: The first guy is of the candy store mentality: Booya! Life is a buffet. Let me put you in my little black book – I’ll call ya!

We’ll call him Phil Anderer.

Then there is the more patient, sincere guy – more of a one relationship at a time – sweet and attentive; women call him Prince Charming.

Or: One Date at a Timephoto_1021_20060206

Eventually, Roger- the 62 year old, suddenly-single dating neophyte – was dating,

Sally was a “perfect match’ and he was enjoying her company and movies, music, exploring San Francisco and the companionship.

His buddy, Bid Daddy ( aka Mike B from law school days) invited him to join a Marin men’s group. It was an intense knot of over-achievers, trust fund boys, and a few strikingly handsome metro-sexuals (who would later espouse the need for facials, eyebrow-shaping, and a wardrobe of eyeglass) who talked about their feelings and treating women-all women (wives, lovers, trysts,) with respect.

Big Daddy- a self-appointed coach- took Roger by the hand and guided him. He readily shared his well-honed philosophy on life, love, community, and the basic human need for a variety of sexual partners. He reminded his conservative pal, that after 30 years with the same woman, it was time to make up for lost time. Life was a buffet – he encouraged his Roger to dive in. Big Daddy would show him the way.

Although very enamored with Sally, whom he had been happily dating for weeks – he was taken with the idea of a lazy Susan of sexual partners.

Meanwhile, back at the commune

Big Daddy’s unusual living arrangement had Roger imagining a Bob, Ted, Carol, and Alice scenario: bed hopping, one-night stands and casual trysts.  Roger thought it sounded delicious. They did a walk-through of the property. Roger was impressed by the organic vegetable garden, the meditation rooms, the vast hot tub, fire pits near the  deck, a sauna for 10, and a  remarkable, sunken living room with wall-to-wall mattresses. Big Daddy called it the “Party Room.” There were solar panels on every building and lots of hugs and kisses as Roger met ‘The Crew. Everyone hugged and kissed. Nice.

Like a Black Lab, panting with excitement, Roger wanted to know where to sign up.

And so it began…

Being an ethical man – in all fairness, Roger felt like he had to share his new lifestyle opportunity with Sally.

In a perfect world, she would be part of his harem.

He would break the news that night after dinner.

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Roger likes Sally: a real date

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Roger* met Sally  (hovering around 50, single, newly divorced)  in line at Safeway.

They chatted amiably as they waited– impetuously, she suggested meeting for coffee. It was perfect: relaxed and comfortable. Next, they planned a casual walk around the lake. The conversation flowed easily – they had a lot in common.

Buoyed by success, he asked her to go on a real date that Saturday night – her call. She readily agreed and opted for dinner and dancing at a place she knew in Berkeley. Deal!

It had been over 35 years since his last grown up date and he was nervous and excited.

Roger had not been alone with a single woman in her home – in decades. She greeted him with a slightly lingering hug. Their mutual interest was palpable. They went to dinner before dancing in Berkeley. She was a much better dancer than Roger- his repertoire of two dance steps did not cut it, so she led, and he followed, beautifully.

The last dance – a slow dance -he led and glided around the dance floor, noting there was an inordinate amount of smiling, laughing and holding one another close.

Consensus: it was a perfect evening. She was attractive, good company and she liked him – she really liked him. They planned on dinner and a movie the next week. He had a feeling it was the beginning of something special. They saw each other every weekend that month. Roger was dating!

In a blaze of glory, he closed down his account at Match.com.

kids_-7*Our pal, Roger (62, newly divorced) had been failing miserably at Dating 2014. He mumbled, bumbled and babbled. He fancied himself to be Fred Astaire – dashing- and he was more of a Fred Flintstone- daunting.

 

Can a guy 60 and suddenly-single get a date with a “normal” woman?

photo_842_20060115scaleRoger the dating neophyte: and a tale of two coaches

 Our pal, Roger (62, newly divorced) had been failing miserably at Dating 2014. He mumbled, bumbled and babbled. He fancied himself to be Fred Astaire – dashing- and he was more of a Fred Flintstone- daunting.

 His neighbor, the 30-something, quasi Prince of Nerds – offered to be his “coach.” Tim had a good heart and no clue about dating over 50+, ethics or the real world. His advice to embellish the truth and “lie” didn’t work for Roger. Thanks to Tim, Roger was caught ‘faking it’ about books, movies, and popular TV shows. One woman called him “a misogynist and a misanthrope” for liking the book, Gone Girl. He quickly deleted the book from his dating profile “Likes.”

 Oblivious to “What Women Want,” You’re Fired, Tim.

 Looks like, Roger’s young dating coach read one issue of Men’s Magazine too many and was full of visions of a sex partner dressed as French Maid, who wanted Peppermint Schnapps slurped from belly buttons and desired to be ravaged in a dressing room at Victoria’s Secret and or a bank vault. Buh-bye, Timbo,

 Roger was ready to throw in the towel, when he met a woman- in a very long line at Safeway. They chatted – clicked and she asked him out! They met for coffee later that afternoon. She was about his age, his height, funny and sexy – newly single, too. Plus, she liked him. That was a first. They made plans for a walk-not-a-hike. He hated hiking. He was on Cloud 9.

 Spelling Game tiles spell out Help MeThat same week, Roger ran into Mike B, an old friend from law school.

After failing the Bar twice, Mike B. had moved to Marin and dropped out of sight. The two spent an hour over coffee, catching up. Roger shared the news of his divorce and his haunting mantra, “Is That All There Is?” He touched upon his colossal dating-failure rate.

Mike B listened. He mentioned an evolved, men’s group in Marin. They emphasized authenticity, masculinity, and empowerment. Although the dues were hefty- the exercises on integrity and love were “inspiring.” Mike B encouraged Roger to join. He offered to “coach” Roger through the next chapter. He added that he had been living in a unique house in Novato – an authentic living experience, once called “a commune.” It was where men and women shared and explored life, partners and lifestyles.

Roger was only half-listening;- he felt good about running into his old pal- who, too, had a spare tire, thinning hair and a really calm vibe. He could learn something from Mike B-who mentioned a lot of people now called him, ‘Big Daddy.”

The best news: he had a real date to go dancing with Sally from Safeway- who was actually friendly. Things were looking up.

 

Tomorrow: Roger goes on a real  date.ilove u_-9

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dating 101: Six San Francisco hot spots

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Chances are – if you are reading this- you are suddenly single and on the look out for interesting, new places to try in San Francisco. The City is famous for provocative people, fabulous food, and eclectic venues.

Six Super Spots for great dates in San Francisco

  1. Feeling Brazen? Brazenhead Restaurant, the intimate Marina hideaway, boasts ambiance, amazing menus – divine specials – a lively bar. Great bartenders. The perfect first dinner date spot
  2. Friendliest bookstore in San Francisco? Bird and Beckett -in the hip and lively Glen Park district. Check out their literary and jazz joint schedule. Check Out: October 11: JAZZ CLUB hosted by Grant Levin Starts: 8:00 pm Ends: 10:30 pm
  3. Feeling Spooky? Dying to see a haunted house? Now is the time for all good ghouls and boos to sign up for the Ghost Hunt walking tour. It’s fun, it’s a scream, and it’s spooky. Six nights a week at 7 PM Price: $20. An excellent tour of lower Pacific Heights. Jim Fassbinder, the guide is brilliant and witty and very scary.
  4. imagesYou’ll Haight it  after a primo dinner with tapas and Caribbean small plates at Cha-Cha-Cha dance over to The Tornado in the Haight. Famous for 50 beers on draft. Their Oh, Happy Hour starts at 11:30 am and goes until 6:00 pm. Come on, come on, get happy.
  5. Best Jazz in San Francisco? San Francisco Jazz Center is mecca. Star-filled shows with the likes of Ahmad Jamal, Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Pedrito Martinez, David Sanborn & Bob James. The world-class Annual San Francisco Jazz Festival is a do-not-miss-event. Get tickets now.
  6. Friday Night in the Park? See: the de Young Museum at GGP– “Friday Night Events” Get thee to the Party… From 5pm until 8:45pm it’s a party with a no-host bar, great music, and a modicum of the best ever art…

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PS: Friday, October 10: Litquake STARTS- Fleet Week  sails- with San Francisco Bay polka dotted with boats floating and deafening Blue Angels buzzing overhead (Shake, rattle,roll on Saturday 3pm-4pm) and the Mill Valley Film Festival is a SRO event – with some tickets available. What is not to like?photo_1963_20060920

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  • San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com.

 

Meet me at midnight to marvel at the moon

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“Meet me at midnight to marvel at the moon…”

Hot Date: The email came this morning at 0800 

Moon, Spoon, Swoon and very opportune, right?

 Wednesday morning, Oct. 8, 2014

Glorious moon-shine kicks off starting at tonight at  9:14 PM

… the Lunar lovely-moon will slip into Earth’s shadow and voila!

A full lunar eclipse for your magical viewing pleasure.

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An old wives tales states that if write the name of your true love on a piece of white paper and kiss a the paper once -

under the light of the Lunar eclipse – you will be wed within one year…

To be clear, this happens after midnight tonight (Tuesday)

The romantic, Super Moon turns the color of a valentine…they say the edge of the Moon will start to turn pink- then red.

It’s a date, Romeo! I’ll be dressed in moonlight.

Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.”
Allen Ginsberg

Finale? Roger gets a dating coach – truth flies out the window

photo_9876_20090327His neighbor and new buddy, Tim, agreed to take a look at Roger’s Match.com profile and “Cool it up a bit.”

Tim (36, divorced after a “practice marriage,” was an Emeryville condo rat and Pixar savant) offered to be Roger’s “Dating coach.” His advice: “Throw caution to the wind and lie about everything.”

 A rose by any other name…

Roger thought his name would be a huge attraction- all of his heroes were named Roger: Roger Maris, Roger Daltrey, Roger Ebert, and Roger Moore…However, he was getting as much attention from young, hot, sexy women as Mr. Rogers.

Tim suggested Roger come off more like a rogue or a rascal. He knew for a fact, women prefer “bad boys. Roger- a babe magnet and a Playboy? It could happen…

As he read Roger’s” Online Bio” Tim’s reaction was “Whoa, my friend, this stuff has got a true ‘Dead cat bounce.’ No wonder you’re not going anywhere with the ladies.”

Tim’s mantra was, “If it first you don’t succeed: lie, lie, lie.

The guys went out for a couple of beers at the Missouri Lounge –Roger cringed- a seedy bar and rough-and-tumble guys lined up at the bar– he should have suggested Trader Vic’s. In no time, his coach came up with “Roger’s Rules of Dating”

  1. Choose “Spiritual not religious.” Despite the fact that Roger had taught Sunday school for 10 years – Tim said “Ix-nay on the bible stuff.”
  2. No walks on the beach allowed. Even though Roger had a strong affinity for walking on the beaches of Hawaii, Tahiti, Lake Tahoe- Tim advised him it was way too cliché.
  3. Reading material? Go Cliff Notes. The Dating Coach Advice: Go to the New York Times bestseller list and pick a book- any book-and list under “Last Book Read.” Bonus: the bestseller, “Gone Girl” had just been made into a movie – Roger didn’t even have to read the book!
  4. Must Love San Francisco Giants: Erase and delete any affinity for the Oakland A’s. It is mandatory that you are a San Francisco Giants fan.
  5. Tell them what they want to hear: Tim had watched his own mother (67) as she explored online dating. His last “tip” was: “You’re playing to an audience. Women your age avoid any couch potato who admits to like watching sports on TV, (including tennis, golf, football, baseball, basketball) all their ex-husbands did that and they generally loathe and detest TV sports. They would rather go for a run, see a movie, work out, take a class, and teach a class or read a book. Roger was advised: Those are all “the new things” you like to do, too.

“I am single, hip, cool – hear me roar”

 Roger updated, enhanced and improved his profile. No more “Walks on the beach” for this Romantic Rascal with a penchant for the San Francisco Giants and, his new favorite book, “Gone Girl.”

Refining his results – He studied his new assortment of “mutual matches”, and “reverse matches. ” He did a few keyword searches. He was cooking with fire. Look out!

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Roger’s Next Three Fortune Cookies Read:

  •  Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. Buddha
  •  It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. Mark Twain
  •  Tell me I’m clever, Tell me I’m kind, Tell me I’m talented, Tell me I’m cute, Tell me I’m sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I’m perfect – But tell me the truth.” Shel Silverstein
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Top 9 Reasons to go to Marin this weekend

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Top 10 reasons to go to Marin this Weekend

 

1. Hardly, Strictly, a parking place in or near Golden Gate Park – as a result of the 750,000 Bluegrass fans who blanket the City. Flee!

2. Beach Party: The weather is going to be a stunner -and a great day to hit one of the numerous beaches in Marin – Go, North!

3. The Mill Valley Film Festivalrated one of the nation’s finest Film Festivals by all of Marin and  the Mark Fishkin Guidebook. Celebrating 37 years- with a small galaxy of stars, including – Hillary – The Other One- Swank who flew in from Paris last night for the Opening Party – looking tres glam in a low-cut gown. She stars in The Homesman with Tommy Lee Jones.

4. The Ferries – Take the Ferry over to Sausalito: Rent one of Mike’s Bikes (bring your own GPS – the maps provide stink) Spend the day walking the shoping-dining-drinking-streets, explore the colorful neighborhood of eclectic houseboats…walk over to the Dipsea Cafe…

5. Bike Around -The most recent accident involving a Spandex Rider hitting and injuring a small child on Bothin Trail has inspired a “Share Tho Road” campaign. Bikers are reminded  To Share The Road – at every turn- by wakers, strollers, skaters…Learn to Share.

 

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6. Sweetwater – Okay, so no Jules Broussard…of your youth -however, Wonderbread is playing Saturday night at 8 pm.

7. Mount Tam – hands downs, Mount Tamalpais is the most breathtaking mountain in the Bay Area, it is a veritable gold-mine of fun things to do see and try…”picnicking, mountain and road cycling, horseback riding, and hang-gliding with over 100 miles of trails and fire roads. . Marin Municipal Water District maintains several reservoirs on the north slopes of Mount Tamalpais, including Alpine Lake, Kent Lake, Bon Tempe Lake, Phoenix Lake, and Lake Lagunitas.”

8. LITQUAKE  in Marin? – Next Saturday, October 10, LITQUAKE moves across the Golden Gate Bride to San Rafael for a day of readings and writing and fun. Check it out.

9. The Farmer’s Market on Sunday at the San Rafael Civic Center – is one the biggest social events in Marin County – every week. And! They have an incredible line up of the best organic produce stands in Northern California.

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