The initial flirty e-mails have been exchanged, you’ve had a couple of interesting phone calls and you agree to meet
at a coffee shop (bar, bakery, museum, walk on the beach.) Let the fun begin – unless one of these ten debacles occurs.
No crystal ball required- it’s easy to see your first date is a flop if one of these 10 things happens:
- You meet, start talking and you don’t stop. They are bored to tears by your monologue. Check, please!
- You decide skip the light fantastic and agree to go dancing. A surprise – you’re thinking Top of the Mark- however, they take you to the KOFY Television Dance Party- your date is a vision of John Travolta in a wig and a swirl of fringe, sequins, lame, and Go-Go boots. Change the channel!
- The waiter brings the bill and you say, “Would you mind? I forgot my wallet.” Au Revoir.
- You walk in: 10 years older and 20 pounds heavier than your posted profile photo. No second date for you.
- You it down at the table and say “Oh! I thought you were a lot (choose one offensive adjective) younger, thinner, prettier, in your online pictures. So, how old are you?” Say good night, Gracie.
- You nonchalantly divulge you don’t really live in San Francisco, you’re not actually employed, and not a doctor, lawyer, Indian chief and you really don’t hike, bike camp or play a sport – however you love reality TV (especially ‘The Bachelor’ and “Millionaire Matchmaker’ )finally, you confide you think Jerry Springer is a genius negotiator. Sorry! Wrong number.
- You arrive with a tiny white dog on pink rhinestone leash, which demands your full attention. You keep the dog in your lap and hug and kiss your little “baby.” Oh! Look at the time – need my allergy shot –bye!
- You flirt with the waitress, leave for a ‘quick smoke’, send three text messages during the 20 minutes of your first and last coffee date; you talk with your mouth full, stir your coffee with your pen, sneeze off to the right – no coverage- and ask “Hon, can you pay this time?” Hasta la vista, baby.
- An avid reader, you claim that 50 Shades of Gray is your favorite trilogy, your unemployment is running out and you need a couch to surf on for a while. Buh-bye.
- They take you to an elegant downtown restaurant, your order an expensive appetizer, entrée, dessert, wine and then you say, “I dunno, I’m not feeling the chemistry. Wanna try this again?” See ya!“nevermore”