Suddenly Single… Minded

Welcome to the Wild and Whimsical World of Internet Dating

Craigslist Missed Connections- like reading obituaries? Dead ends

sad-manReading Craigslist Missed Connections is like reading obituaries? Look out: Dead end ahead…

Craigslist Missed Connections  a.k.a. “I’m afraid to say “hey.”

 Take a look at “Missed” in any city, and you will see variations of the exact same posts. They  run the gamut from A-B:

I saw you walking down the street- did you see me?’

I saw you on the 38 Geary Bus – I was wearing black tights and a hoodie

You said hi to my dog

I passed by you on my pink bike and smiled at you.

You smiled at me at Safeway (Publix, Piggly Wiggly…)

I stood next to you at Starbucks. I ordered vegan mocha with whipped cream. I know.

I was across the room-reading ‘Goldfinch’ and you smiled.

We both crossed the Bay Bridge at the same time driving blue Prius cars.

You look so hot on Union Square today in those ripped jeans and leather jacket.

We were both crossing Montgomery Street today at 12 noon.

We both ordered turkey sandwiches at the deli on Pine Street today- could this be love?

You walked into Green Apple Books as I was walking out.

 

i-like-youicon-greatOkay, there are two ways ways to play this game.

 You can return to your cubicle – open your laptop and create yet another Craigslist connection haiku, poem, advertisement, and just hope, hope, hope Mr. Right or Ms. Perfect or “the hottie,” or “the hunk” will appear out of the ether.

 Or:   Take this Dating 101 Advice: Stop with “The shy” and start with “The smile and the hello.” Speak!

 Binkie, you are never going to meet anybody by merely smiling- without following it up with the hi, hello, hey, good morning, good afternoon, good night (Truman was right) Speak!

 Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience.”   Paulo Coelho

Top 3 Tips  -Best  Free Advice You Will Receive Today

 1. Being wishful and wispy is dead end behavior. Go for Courage. Be audacious. Get some Moxie. Grow some.

  2. The next time someone smiles at you – smile back and say, “Hey” or “Wait up” or “What’s up?”

 3. Big Tip: Introduce yourself and start a conversation.

 

And, you will never have to look at Missed Connections again.fireworks celebration 2

 

“Courage and coward are only a page away in the dictionary. Courage comes first.” P. Larkin

Dating 101: Breaking the Code – reading between the lines

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If we weren’t speaking in code, what would we really be saying?

Reading dating profiles on Ourtime.com Chemistry, Match.com, or JDate  can be dizzying.



As you wade through a minefield of clichés,  brags and bon mots, you wonder how to decipher this new barrage of data.

Where do you get a romance Rosetta stone? Is there a special Code or handshake?

The answer? Read between the lines and take it all with a grain of salt.

Due Diligence and Reading Between the Lines

Tommy wrote that he hailed from the citrus belt of California. (Orange County, Republican) He reads the New Yorker and legal stuff .(Lawyer) He loves debating (argumentative) and says his two kids are his best friends. (Uh oh) He says he’s tired of restaurants (cheap) and prefers TV dinners. (Yawn) In his profile photo, Tommy commits a grave error by wearing the egregious hat and sunglasses (Hiding: bad hair, no hair, squinty eyes, tattoos.) Caution

To Tell the Truth?

‘Cherie Game Girl’ writes that she ‘Likes Jenga and Bogle’ (couch potato) and adores her cats. She says she “Is a big woman, with a big heart and big fun.” No mystery there. Cherie’s candid photograph indicate the same. She is honest and to the point.

‘Walter Mitty Mark’ should be a fiction writer. Despite his friend’s protestations, he writes that he is “A doctor with three North Bay offices; he collects old cars, has a place in the mountains, and he had a pied-a-terre in the City; in addition, he says he collects French wines. His best friends will tell you, actually, the Veterinarian business is slow, so Mark works three days-a-week all over Petaluma and Novato.

His fleet? He drives a great old truck; he has a Rambler and a Corvair. Tahoe digs? He has a big tent, in the summer, above Truckee. His place in the City? He camps out with a buddy, in a studio apartment, when the two are partying and painting the town beige. Mark likes a good story and tells one – after another. Someone has to tell him Ménage a Trois is not a French wine.

Glamazon Gal’ writes her entire profile in uppercase letters. Those in the know say, beware: anger issues here.  Glam says she’s “spontaneous to a fault” (more caution). This generally translates to disorganized, ditzy, and unpredictable. All are qualities some people might… cherish. Or not.

There are a lot of stories in “The Dating City.”

Remember: Honesty is the best policy and the truth will set you free – and help you avoid embarrassing situations.

Carpe diem, have fun out there in date world.

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Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column- click the Subscribe button at the top of the page. San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at: Page.Larkin@gmail.com

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Breaking up over getting naked

Handpainted peace sign in dripping colorsAfter four months of great dates, Peter and Lucy concluded they were good for ‘the moment’ however, they had no future.

Actually, Lucy concluded they had no future.

Peter was smart, successful and spontaneous. He had a never ending supply of ideas for unique dates including beginner dance lessons, lectures at the JCC, they saw the Improv group BATS, attended Free Days at museums, walked across the Golden Gate Bridge, had his/hers massages at the Kabuki, and scored SRO tickets for the San Francisco Symphony. There were impromptu picnics in Marin, a wine tasting in St Helena and they discovered the artist, Layla Fanucci and her art gallery and winery – double winner.

The naked truth: He had HAI hopes

Then Peter urged Lucy to get HAI with him.  HAI?  What did that mean? (It has nothing to do with the Helicopter Assn. International.) The Internet had one definition – then again, so did Peter. She ascertained it was ‘naked frolicking in public’. He called them ‘human awareness exercises.’ The deal was, clothes we optional – not appreciated.

Why waste time?

As much fun as they enjoyed, Lucy was not a fan of wearing her birthday suit around total strangers bit. Peter loved it and kept pressing. For that reason, and a few other cloying differences that just cropped up over time – she decided to end the romantic liaison and graduate to ‘”just friends”.

Clever girl, Lucy penned a sweet email – alluding to their relationship being like a glass of champagne: bubbles are fun, lively, entertaining and, in time, they disappear.

He called to say he didn’t ‘get’ the one line about “All good things must come to an end– let’s move on – fini compleat. Thank you, best wishes.”

 Next, she complied the ‘Best CD of Breakup Songs’ ever made – a clear, hard-hitting message – all along the lines of “breaking up is hard to do.”

 He texted and asked if she had sent him a “Dear John CD.” Prescient. Keeping in line with the separation motif- she stopped returning his texts.

 The Big Clue

When Lucy saw Peter’s profile back up on Match.com she knew they both had come to the same conclusion – just at different times.

They are friends – from afar.

Both are dating new people. Happily-ever-after. It happens.

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.   Buddy Hackett

 

Fore!

 

 

Check out: go fly a kite-Berkeley fun this weekend

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Skip the Saturday rut: the chores, tasks, errands, and Honey-Do Lists. Postpone the pruning,  slaving over laundry and washing the car: Instead, go fly a kite.

Attend The Fabulous Annual Berkeley Kite Festival at Cesar Chavez Park

Saturday, July 26 and Sunday July 27 – Check out the high-flying, fun, event filled Berkeley Kite Festival

 Enjoy  Free Kite Making and the much anticipated:  Candy Drop  and  Team Kite Flying  and  The  Giant Creature Kite Expo Plus and whole bunch of really cool Stunt Kite Flying.

0478_rubber bubblesPlan on: Great Food & Music, too many kites to count and a passel of people who just want to have fun.

Since 1986, The Kite Festival Folks have operated a Solar Powered “Kite Store on Wheels”


at Cesar E. Chavez Park at the north end of the Berkeley Marina, in Berkeley CA. 

Chavez Park Hours:Saturday & Sunday: 1:30pm – 6:30pm

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Come on over and take a look…

Worst online dating photos: avoid at all costs

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 Online Dating Photos 101: What Not To Do

Selecting your Photos for your Online Dating Profile. Whether you are on Match, Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, Craigslist – 

a picture is, indeed, worth a thousand words -and it is your first impression. Get real.

Stellar Examples of Egregious Online Dating Photos

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No explanation required.unnamed-10

Sure, you and your best friend enjoyed ‘smart cocktails.’ Inspired, you bought funny glasses and thought you were an absolute scream. Who wouldn’t get a big kick out of the fun and festive photos?

Truth be told: 99% of all people scanning your so-called funny  photo are going to wonder

a) Which one is “Mary Mischief?

b) Why is she hiding behind ghastly funhouse glasses?

c) How often does she go out for ‘smart cocktails?’

d) Why did she choose such a bad photograph?

Next!

                           Another Really bad idea:images

Finally: Aw…yes, puppies are cute.

But, listen, Binkie, this is not a picture of you.

Get real, get a recent, complimentary photograph of yourself and post it.

Good luck!
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Dating 101: dating the same type guys- a dead end?

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Dorothy, everybody’s favorite serial dater, was a peripatetic-romantic.

She amazed her friends with the number of dates she went on, each week.

Testing the Waters?

She was a real-live “Dating Diva” on Craigslist; meeting new men every week, buoyed her confidence and prompted Dorothy to join Plenty of Fish.

She instantly learned the ‘catch and release’ practice at Plenty of Fish, and she trawled every day. She was exhilarated with coffee dates, walking dates and her favorite, ‘choose a museum and entertain me’ gauntlet.

Eventually, tired of the site, she decided to take it up a notch and try Eharmony.

Like magic, Dorothy’s calendar filled with dates. Her friends teased her that they needed a scorecard to keep track of all the men in her life. She claimed to know, within the first five minutes, if the guy was a  ” Keeper” or a “Next.”

Her friends counted, she had 84 dates in four months. Dorothy was definitely on a quest to meet Mr. Right. Friends wondered if she was looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now?

Deja Vu All over Again

Recently, Dorothy realized she was dating the same three men, over and over again. Her friends loudly agreed and said the guys resembled characters on the Wizard of Oz.  No flying monkeys or munchkins, just deja vu dudes,

#1. The first type of man she kept re-meeting, re-visiting, and re-encountering and was a typical cowardly lion: all bravado, no bite.

Take Mike, please.

A Mike Type: is a retired jock; at one time in his life he was a 10, he once swaggered around campus in his letterman’s jacket, had that IBM internship, married his high school sweetheart and, Bam! He woke up 20 years later; he was divorced, disenchanted, not even close to being a 10- what with those extra pounds, the gleaming chrome dome, and had new Ikea-enhanced, bachelor pad in Sausalito.

However, Mike still thought he was pretty cool- save for one thing: he was afraid of women. Dorothy classified him as “all talk no action.” He  could talk a mean story, flirt up a storm, and then he ran out of steam and went home. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He had a great roar and no follow-up. Oddly, Dorothy was, initially, attracted to the type

 #2. Hay – Look Me Over- The Straw Man

Her next magnetic attraction is a typical ‘Straw Man.’ He looked great from the outside: dashing, well coiffed, drives the right, sleek, black, BMW sedan and can talk for hours about himself and his myriad accomplishments. However, there’s no there there. A classic Straw Man has flash and very little substance. Dorothy liked the excitement, then came to  realize how shallow and empty she felt around this type of fellow.

#3. Is He a Tin Man or Iron Man?

Dorothy’s friends laugh when she tells them – again- she’s met a new man at the gym. Here we go –  Déjà vu all over again. Gym guy is usually a “Half iron” man… Often, he is somewhat tall,  kind of dark, and mildly handsome and totally in love with himself. Yeah, he has a big heart and his heart belongs to – himself. Mr. Vanity  generally flirts with much younger, buff, blonde, 20-somethings and it rarely is mutual. Dorothy knows, the Iron man doesn’t have a chance with girls his daughters age. He doesn’t know this, yet. She is amused.

 

hearts

 

Sometimes it takes 84 dates dates to realize,  who we are looking for may not be a ‘perfect match’ and that list  “Top Ten Perfect Man for Me” with George Clooney, Robert Redford, Clive Owen, Liam Neeson, etc. my not be reality based. Dorothy has toned down her Quantity-dating and is on the path to meeting and enjoying Quality men…one at a time.

 

Page Larkin’s Eight Ways to Meet Singles Your Age

  1. Date your decade,
  2. Say “yes” to most invitations,
  3. Get out of the house – go outside and  play
  4. Push away from the computer
  5. Get dressed and plan to go out and meet a lot of people at  events, gatherings, classes, parties, 
  6. Everyday, Smile more: look  people in the eye and smile.
  7. Flirt even more every day. Make it a goal.
  8. And, don’t waste precious time with dead end dates.photo_1geranium

Is it true? Men are happier than women?

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It All Started with Eve…

It comes as no surprise: the difference between the sexes is titanic.

Men take a woman out on a date and afterwards ponder the Big Three Questions:

  1.     Was she cute?
  2.     Was she fun?
  3.     And, did she flirt?

That’s all.

 Women, on the other hand, during and after a date, mull, ponder, dwell and think way too much. As they do an instant replay of the evening they determine if their date was polite, fun, attentive, sweet, kind, flirty – but not overly so- and the list goes on. And, on.

When did this exhaustive female ‘Post Date Analysis’ start?  What happened to, “Hey, that was fun. Let’s do it again. I’ll call.”

And he says, “Deal.”

Men Have Simple Needs: WD-40,

…a Swiss Army Knife, duct tape, a hammer, a tape measure, a barbecue, a remote control, a Giant’s winning streak, a Lazy-boy recliner and a few St. Pauli Girl beers and they are happy.

What’s in Your Wallet?

Men leave the house with keys, a money clip and their cell phone.

Conversely, women leave the house with a small suit case -called a handbag -with enough varied supplies to support a small nation. We have pens, paper, an assortment of cosmetics in two, tiny, smart-looking cases, a Phone, various To-do and shopping lists, a calendar, grocery coupons, mints and gum, a bottle of water, hair clips that can double as a weapon, a paperback for book club, an energy bar, a small vial of Advil, a magic stone, an extra pair of silver chandelier earrings- just in case, hand cleaner, tissues, a small bag with 6 almonds (Dr Oz’s idea) a sewing kit, band-aids, a metal nail file – can double as a weapon, a disposable camera, and a bottle-sample size- of perfume.

Be a Sport

To many guys, March Madness and Sunday Sports are of the be-all and the-end-all. Sports are like the full moon, the stars and the sky – their True North. It’s not the day to drag them to the mall and make them hold your suitcase-sized purse as you try on 15 pair of identical black slacks.

They crave, love, and relish Sunday Sports (and March Madness, Soccer, The World Series, The Super Bowl) Want to Score Points?  Hand him a  remote control, and he is are happy. Voila!

 You Don’t Ask – You Don’t Get

And, men really want women to ask for what they want.  Cute,  little,  flirty subtle hints don’t work. Even loud hints don’t work. Call them primitive – it is obvious our soft, whimsical and nebulous little hints are not effective. Do the boys a favor and clearly state what you want.

Anyway and everyday: women simply want to know what men are thinking about (Answer: sex). We want to know what men dream about (Answer: sex). We ponder: when it comes to flight or fright what is the limbic system of the cortex of the brain of a man thinking about? (Answer: sex)

Conclusion: Men are happy and women are luckier for it.

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Top Ten Reasons Men Are Happier

1.      Men have one wallet and one pair of shoes, which work for every season an every reason.

2.      Chocolate? It is just another plain, ordinary, snack idea.

3.      Men can keep the same hairstyle for years… even decades. And, they do.

4.      Men can play with toys (bikes, balls, cars, boats, planes) their whole lives.

5.      Men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like.

6.      A  man’s last name never changes.

7.      Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache.

8.      Men can “do” their fingernails with a pocketknife.

9.      Men don’t have to stop and think which way to turn a screw.”Lefty…”

10.  A wedding dress costs about $5000 and a  tuxedo rental: $100

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No Pajamas in Public, Binkie: Top 5 reasons – no second date for you

photo_1890_20060818truckNo Pajamas in Public, Binkie.  The top five reasons he is not going to ask you for second date

  1. You showed up wearing pajamas. At 11:00AM. For a coffee date at Mel’s Drive-In on Geary Boulevard.
  2.  “Bitchen” used to mean something else: By pure coincidence, you met in the parking lot and your little white dog was in your lap while hanging out the car window. Same hyper, yappy, little white dog accompanied you on the date.
  3.  You Missed Manners: You took three phone calls during a 20-minute coffee date. Yes, you were frothy with apologies- but flat, with sincerity and manners. First impressions last forever.
  4. Bulldozer Interview: You came on really strong-inquiring about his income,  home address, where his ex-wife lived, and if he required any medicinal “lifts” in the boudoir. Buzz kill 101.
  5. Truthfully: You wrote on your profile that you were an “Economist”- then, said you were a ‘Shared Economist.’  Actually, you divulged you rent out your kid’s room on Air BnB and drive for Lyft and Monkey Parking seems promising to you. Perhaps you meant to say you were an ‘entrepreneur.’ The Truth will see you free…imageshattt

    “Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.” Mae West

Super Moon inspires romance? Absolutely.

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 Moon-lighting Tonight: what is more romantic than a full moon?

Word on the street is that the sexy, full, Super Moon inspires bold romance – Carpe noctem, darling.

It has been said- many times- in many pubs, bars, cafes, bus stops,  “If  you kiss a sweet heart under a Super moon it will bring you five hours of good luck.”

 Dance by the light of the moon

Carly F. of  San Francisco (55, single again, writer, knitter extraordinaire, and a sky-diver) is a self-proclaimed ‘Moon-child.’  She says she bathes in moonlight – adores Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata, and dances by the light of the moon.

Always on the look out for  kindred spirits, Cary F. organizes a very well attended Moonshine Dance Party every summer. Guests are encouraged to wear white, gossamer, clothing- bring a poem, Proseca or Champagne, and a moonlight inspired appetizer. Yes, oysters are  popular. The soirees are famous.

Kick up your heels, dance in the  moonlight, kiss a stranger, love the madness of the full moon, tonight.

“Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.”
Allen Ginsberg

“Yeah we all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun.”

John Lennon

“Music is moonlight in the gloomy night of life.”

Jean Paul

 

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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piano_Sonata_No._14_(Beethoven

Are you divorced, but not dead? Dating again at 50


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Tricia had not been on a date in 24 years.

She met her now-former husband in college-married – no kids.

Twenty years flew by before he decided the younger, blonder, BMW sales gal was more his style. Bam! Tricia woke up divorced -after being confounded by the nefarious San Francisco judge, Marjorie Slabach. That’s another nightmare.

When he moved out, he took the best of everything: the best art, the best wine, the best sheets (Frette) towels, silver (Georg Jensen.) Thinking, “He’ll be back,” Tricia was compliant, numb and pretty much brain dead -for a time.

Dazed and stricken dumb, (anger had not reared her ugly little head, yet) Tricia cocooned and watched a lot of Netflix. She saw all of Madmen, Breaking Bad, Homeland, Wallender/Swedish version, Luther, and The Wire.

Then, for some reason, she was drawn to “Say, Yes to the Dress.” She wanted Randy, the star of the show – slightly sarcastic, enormously calm, the wedding dress ‘Divo,’ to be her new best friend. When she shared this last bit with her therapist, Dr Q- he strongly urged her to turn off the TV, get out of the house, and return the calls to her friends – it was time.

Friends and family had been calling, showing up and having mini- interventions, to no avail.

Eventually, Tricia went back to book club, started hiking with her pals Linda and Julie, and was slowly getting back to her old self. Her patient and loyal clients re-surfaced and she eased back to work full-time.

Beginners Luck?

On the second anniversary of her divorce, Tricia was up and running on Match.com. Months before, in a pique of boredom, she had taken a look at Craigslist singles, OKCupid, and Plenty of Fish. She picked up the rope and decided to join the fun. Slowly.

Edward, (San Mateo, 59, medical researcher, newly single) had been on Match.com for less than 30 minutes before Tricia sent him a quick note. He was flattered and intrigued – and wrote back. After a spate of e-mails- they spoke on the phone. For an hour. They spoke again, that night – for 90-minutes. It turns out they had mutual friends in Los Angeles, had much in common and the rest is history – they been “an item” ever since. It happens. It could happen to you.

Reality check

No glass slippers, no magic apples or mirrors and smoke. It takes a little verve, a little nerve and a desire to “meet someone.”

So you kiss a frog, get over it. Now is the time – get social – be social – and have fun out here.

Try a 7-Day Free Trial on the dating site that resonates with you. Good luck!

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