Suddenly Single ~ Minded

There is an Exodus happening.

Legions of men across the nation are folding up their tents, have quit the dating game, and  are going home to Bachelorville. They are resigned to a lifetime of single, solo, solitary- man- time.

Talk to men.  The report is in: some say they are victims of excruciating divorces… and a years of  disappointing experiences on the dating scene.

The readers have spoken and  say: A lot of divorced men 50+  try dating again…  many after hiatus of 10 or 20 or 30  years.  Many guys lament that dating today is so fast and  foreign – they are having a hard time getting a leg up.

Some men simply say dating and  the chase isn’t worth the bother. They say “the  dating game” is  time consuming and too high maintenance.  They claim can’t remember the pace – what comes first?                                     Greg M  said  “When you were once a “10″ and you wake up single – 25 years later -  you realize, uh oh -  you are  20 pounds heavier, balding,   have grown children and 4 grandchildren, and the hot red sports car  morphed into a mini van -decades ago… How can  you possibly  still think you are a “10″ and on top of your game?” And, what is your game? Solitaire?

Yoga instructor and Nurse practitioner,Cindy, 27, reports that the older men she runs across in bars are her father’s age. She and her coterie call the older guys  ’salty dogs’  and ‘a free dinner’. That’s cold.

Otter know better

Tall, dashing and handy, Edgar said he had given up on women.

He said women are like otters… that they band together, are happy to be in one another’s company, travel together, dine together and have no need for male companionship.

They simply float down the river of life, happy little ottters.  No boys allowed.

What do women say? Readers write in to say they are initially daunted ~ then exhilarated  ~ by being suddenly single and entering the new world of DATING AGAIN…

Others, blindsided by a classic  divorce debacle – throw in the towel and are recovering…renewing energies and getting a new lease on life.

The Exodus may be in biblical proportions~in some cities…San Francisco has to be the exception.

Tell me what you think….50dates@comcast.net

In 1966 the rage was a new trend called “computer dating”.

Boxes of colored IBM punch cards and computers the size of a Volkswagen Bug were de rigueur. Matchmakers were considered old fashioned and passé.   Having “Hal”, the computer, do the work was the hot, new way to get boys and girls together. It was groovy and neat. Need a date for a hootenanny?

“Thousands of boys and girls who’ve never met plan weekends together, for now that punch-card dating’s here, can flings be far behind? And oh, it’s so right, baby. The Great God Computer has sent the word. Fate. Destiny. Go-go-go.”— Look Magazine, February 1966

Picky, Picky, Picky. On line dating peccadilloes

So what has changed since the thrilling 1960’s?  Today there are dozens of studies analyzing every aspect of dating, on line dating, play dating, and being suddenly single.   Analysis done at UC Berkeley indicates that when it come to on line dating women, are pickier than men. Interesting.  It also sounds like the girls are a lot less flexible in their ‘preferences’ for age and ethnicity than the boys.  Perhaps more girls are still subscribing to that old hunter-gatherer syndrome: men hunt – women wait to be contacted.

What’s up with that? Bon vivant, Nick of El Cerrito, says ‘It’s all a numbers game. And, you’ve got to get in the game or you don’t get to play”. Game on.

By the see – by the see

Evidence also states that men involved in on line dating, cast a wider net than women.  Guys generally have very few limits, or restrictions, when they are looking for their potential dates. As a rule, guys tend to contact more women – more often. Men are consistently labeled as being ‘visual’.   My brother got virtual whiplash from all his rapidly scanning photographs of women on Match.com. He admitted, men are all about pictures.               Dating guru, Dr Diana Kirschner, author of the best selling, Love in 90 Days, encourages women to register on, at least, two dating sites and to make the date quest a daily priority.                                 Bottom line? Lighten up, enjoy the game and make friends. Be careful out there.

Pink- the new Black-Friday

Americans have been whipped into a shopping lather with a recent tsunami of newspaper inserts and rabid radio and TV blitzes. Spend money now~               while words like foreclosure, job loss, recession, recovery, crisis, cutbacks and budget are dancing in our heads?

Aggressive retailers are lighting the fires for conspicuous consumption and fanning the flames with a massive Black Friday media blitz. Conversely, there is a movement afoot  called Buy Nothing Day, to put the brakes on spending and avoid the ill-fated ‘shop until you drop’ malady.

Kermit was right; “it is hard being green.” Very few of us have ‘the green’ we used to have. More lack than black, Friday. Go Pink. Be ‘in the pink”. Listen to Pink Martini or Pink Floyd, watch ‘Pretty in Pink” , plant pink tulips.              Skip Black Friday.

Thanksgiving is a time for family, friends, fun, and eating and volunteering, and helping the less fortunate.

Here are Top Ten Fun Free Friday Things  to do Around San Francisco

1. Span -Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge

2. Make a Fort – Explore the Presidio, Fort Point, Fort Mason, and Fort Baker

3. Click -take a photo journey to the Mission District and photograph the murals

4. Play - continue a day of play: jigsaw puzzles, charades, movie marathons, football…

5. Explore- Walk around neighborhood. Meet a neighbor – or two…

6. Shift Gears- go for a bike ride, stroll, height, backpack…

7. Merge -DVDs have a movie night with another friend watch all DVD’s go to the library and get new ones…

8. Step it Up- Research the famous staircases and steps of San Francisco – Get the book – at the library and start with the first walk

9. Pack – a picnic with some of those  leftovers and hit the beach, forest, park and relax…

10. Purge - During the football marathon, clean out closets. Men’s clothing can be donated to “Out of the Closet” at California at Polk Street (free drop-off parking lot) Women’s  can go to the excellent woman’s shelter, Casa de las Madres, via the Community Thrift store on Valencia St.

Avoid Black Friday~

“There is no such thing as sensory overload”.

Walk right past Victoria’s Secret, Cartier, Tiffany’s and Prada. And don’t give Jimmy Choo’s Shoes a second look.
The sexiest store of the season is, without a doubt,  Williams- Sonoma.

With the  holiday season  upon us and fall  in the air; and everyone needs some spice in their  life. This is the best place to indulge the appetite and senses.

Enter this sybaritic splendor of Williams-Sonoma and be prepared to be both galvanized and seduced by the scrumptious displays. Even the air is infused with the aromas of cinnamon, and nutmeg and cloves. Stunning displays of pumpkin bread, ginger cookies, persimmon cakes, Maine Maple Syrup and yummy aebleskiver mixes, eye-catching cookbooks and gleaming copper pans tower on display tables.
Williams Sonoma knows about perfect placement of product. They go for seductive and satisfying ~ always a very winning combination.

The smell of cinnamon, butter and sugar waft through the air and you easily conjure up plans for baked apples, pumpkin pancakes with maple syrup, cinnamon tea, and breakfast in bed. The jewel tones of the season paired with the delectable aromas automatically inspires; happy home and… happy hearts~

It’s the season for cranberries, dried cherries, plump persimmons, ruby colored pomegranates and sensual Satsumas. The piece d résistance: tins of pretty pink and white peppermints stacked daintily on oak tables next to jars of silky chocolate sauces. So, when you are ready for an epicurean adventure, get thee to a Williams-Sonoma and spice it up. Bon Appetit!

Who is wearing the Levi’s in your family?

TiVo’s all over America are being programmed to record the Oprah Show with best-selling author, Sarah Palin. Author? The same woman who was stumped by Katie Couric’s intimidating question about which newspapers or magazines she reads daily? She, who responded with a flustered response along                   the lines of:  ‘Oh, lots of them’, has written a hefty 400 page book?

Months after John McCain was able to extricate himself from his running mate, Sarah Palin has written a tell-all book. With words, no pictures.

On today’s show, surely Oprah will default to polite banter about the tell all tome and then Oprah will gleefully dive into the hot topic: all about Levi’s.

Levi Johnston, the 19-year-old father of Palin’s grandson, is reveling in his 15 minutes of fame and is telling Wasilla tales out of Alaska. Apparently, a small army of PR zealots have been “handling” young Levi. He is involved in multiple makeovers, personal trainers, photo shoots, and guest appearances. Is Levi fitting in?   Concensus: nice kid, but silk purse and sow’s ear come to mind.

Who knows? It’s a kinder, gentler time. This time around, Sarah Palin may go rouge…all that talk about lipstick and Pygmalion.

“The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge, but imagination’. Albert Einstein

The Ten Commandments of Dating Online – Lecture

Dating Expert, Steve Mailer, had attracted crowd of 50 people for a Learning Annex event in Mill Valley. His presentation was entitled “The 10 Commandments of Dating On line or Take a Tablet and Call Me in the Morning”.

I appreciate good wit and am always up for new dating information, so I paid the $29 to attend the two-hour presentation.  I asked several single friends to join me in this endeavor and got a

resounding “No!” from all of them.  So I went alone.

What if the first commandment was ‘Thou shalt not attend dating seminars alone’?

It was pouring rain as I drove across the Golden Gate Bridge to the sold out presentation. The windshield wipers slapped and the torrent continued as I drove into Mill Valley and, like magic, the rain stopped.  They must pay extra for this in Marin.

Map Quest got me directly to the Arts Center and then parking was a huge challenge.  After driving around for 20 minutes I found a place for my Volvo amongst the legions of Lexus SUVs.

The line to get in was snaking down the sidewalk and as nonchalant as I tried to be  -the energy of this group was electric. It was palpable. You know how some lines to get into different venues are demure? People speak softly, they scuffle their feet, there are furtive glances?  This crowd was friendly and looked to be about 50% men. That, in itself, was amazing.

At 7:15 the ticket takers plucked tickets from our hands.  In a musical chairs kind of fervor, everyone took their seats and laughter, hellos, waves happened across the room. It was a very friendly group. That was rare for a lecture.

The book publisher introduced Dating Guru and author, Steve Mailer and from the back of the room, dressed like Moses holding a cardboard replica of the Ten Commandments came the Guru.

The crowd roared.  Steve did a little Charlton Heston imitation and instantly had the crowd in the palm of his hand.

Dramatically, he removed the gray wig and rapidly pulled off a Velcro -tear -away flowing robe.  He was wearing black jeans and a black cashmere turtleneck.

He had a shaved head and put on designer eyeglasses, the huge silver watch was his only jewelry.

His opening line was “What are all of you doing here at the Arts Center on a Tuesday night?  Why aren’t you with your girlfriend, boyfriend, beau, lover, sweetie, honey, significant other, or partner?  Oh, you don’t have one! No problem, my friends, I am here to say to you – I’ve got the answers!               My book, (and he held up his book, shamelessly), yes, this one slim book        is all you need. The ‘Ten Commandments of Internet Dating’. You say book?  Another book?”  He slid onto the side of the table, got comfortable, and scoured the room. He had intense eye contact with, seemingly, every  person in the room.  He was on and energetic and ready to roll. He was also very slick and well rehearsed.

Now I’m too polite to call him a huckster or a shyster, but he could have been the main act  at a County Fair selling that amazing blender for Veeta-vita- vegamin.

The message, what was his message?

He asked us how many of us were online daters. A hundred percent of us raised our hands.   Steve said,  “You’re all doing it and you must stop now! That is the First Commandment!   From here on in- you got five minutes and only five minutes. Each day online.   Amen.      End of Sermon!”

I was perplexed.  He went on to say “Thou shalt not waste time surfing Internet dating sites…from here on in – every night you may spend five minutes, and not more than five minutes on line. For all of you who spent hours searching, questing, looking for Mr. or Ms Right~ Cease and Desist.       If you’re on Matchmaker.com Or Lotsa fish.com or you’re on Yahoo or             E harmony.  I say take the hours back, starting tonight, when you get home you may spend only five minutes check messages to send a message and sign out.  Amen.”

“As it is written ( he held up his book again)  that’s the First Commandment of Successful Internet dating – work with me, friends.

Then Steve stood up and said, “Front row, please stand up and smile.  Everyone raise your right hand.”

The entire front row stood up and followed his directions.  Then Steve said “Turn around and face the audience and wave.  And repeat after me as you wave your right hand:  Hey, hi, how you doing?  I’m single, and I bet you are, too!   Now sit down. Okay, second row stand up. Raise your right hand.”

All six rows of us got up enthusiastically and greeted the entire room.

Then Steve said, “Okay! Who lives in town?” 10 people raised their hands.

He continued, “Who lives in San Francisco?”  About five of us raised our hands.

Then he said, “Who lives in Corte Madera?  San Rafael?  Fairfax?  Other places?”

Hands went up-and-down. People looked around.  He was an icebreaker, a motivator, and a dynamic speaker with a blend of matchmaker thrown in.

All of us were talking, laughing and the room was electric.  Steve looked at his watch, and looked at all of us, and said we would take a 20-minute break and he insisted everyone had to introduce themselves to 5 people they had never met before. He told us to start – and he walked off stage. The noise level was a small roar.

The rest of the evening was even more entertaining.  By the end of the night, I’d met 5 pretty interesting men I might never have met.

Everyone there bought a copy of Steve’s book of “Ten Commandments’ because he told us our social lives would take on biblical proportions.

Hey, I’m a believer ~and I’m no saint

The Top 10 Romantic Places in San Francisco

Everyone knows the San Francisco is the consummate romantic Mecca and there are dozens of romantic places to  buss/smooch/osculate and KISS                                                                                             The Top 10? After much research ~ I can heartily attest:

1.    The Top of the Stairs at Broadway and Lyon – the view, alone,  will take your breath away. It’s a secret place, off the beaten track and and it inspires romance.

2.   Under the Clock of the Ferry Building
The Golden Ghetto ~ on Saturday mornings ~ the sight of the famous Farmer’s Market.  See the aubergine and tangerine, enjoy quaffing champagne, or sample at the Caviar Bar, select divine picnic items, revel in the sweet smells of butter, sugar and cinnamon wafting from the numerous bakeries, indulge in a Blue Bottle coffee…enjoy the towers of stunningly beautiful fresh flowers, and gaze at the Cowgirl creamery cheeses ~walk along the water …everything is pretty darn seductive and suggestive. Can you say: An Affair to remember?

3.   The corner booth at The Grand Café. (Geary and Taylor) It’s all about location, location, location.  Sexy, seductive, alluring and private.  Ambiance. Fabulous hors d’ oeuvres and  great mixologists.

4.    The Make Out Room named appropriately, you don’t need another clue. Stimulating venues.

5.   The Tonga Room. At the Fairmont ~Nob Hill.  Yum~ Drinks with tiny umbrellas – tropical atmosphere and It’s like the Tiki Room without the birds~ Nowhere else in San Francisco can you kiss in the rain forest.

6.    Sweet – As you leave divine and sublime XOX truffles in North Beach-  with a small box of San Francisco’s  real “treat” ~The quality and richness of the 27  unforgettable yummy flavors are sure to entice~

7.    Palace of Fine Arts, San Francisco’s most majestic and remarkable shrine...originally created for the  1915 World’s Fair by the incredible visionary Bernard Maybeck …near the columns,  under the statues of weeping women, at the  lagoon or undulating grassy area.

8.   Golden Gate Bridge, anytime of the day ~ must be midspan…even with the infamous summer fog and wind whipping about -  The GGB is one of the City’s most romantic and frantic destinations.

9.    The Pier – Crissy Field, the only pier pressure, you will find us from your gull-friends swooping overhead. 360 degree views …Crashing waves, frothy white caps, sometimes blue skies and a breathtaking skyline.

10.    The Conservatory of Flowers in Golden Gate Park the spun sugar palace,  replica of Kew Gardens, is all good things: sultry- sexy and steamy. Bonus ~Beautiful flowers in abundance.  A Must:  Buss behind the begonias…

Hey~ get on the buss~ Everyday is Valentine’s day in Romantic San Francisco~~~

~~

What San Francisco Needs Now- The Top 20 List Today

1. More hugs

2. More Clement Street shopkeepers cleaning the dirty, icky, sticky, sidewalks

3. More $1 cups of great coffee

4. More Free Days at Cal Academy of Sciences and 50% discount for locals

5. More free concerts in the Park

6. More Bridge Tolls locked in at $2.00 - come on~

7. More  FAIR parking meters that take dimes- which buy 10 minutes /not 1

8. More diverse and wonderful De Young Museum Exhibits

9. More people walking – all over

10. More kids outside on swings, slides, and carousels

11. More museums with – random -Free Days

12. More ‘Sneak Peek’ Movie Previews

13. More Ms Manners; less Entitled

14. More  people shopping/supporting  Indy bookstores like the  West Portal Book Store and Book Passages

15. More parking  garages that welcome visitors – don’t “rob” them at $10 per hr

16. More Laugh lines~~ less botox

17.More:  “Please, thanks, and you’re welcomes”

18. More  Tolerance and patience – like the good old days

19. More ‘hi, hello, hey, how ya doing,’ exchanges

20. More clothing donations to Casa de las Madres via drop at Community Thrift Store on Valencia

Change the channel?

What television shows filled your hearts and minds growing up? Who says the “Mad Men” and television executives didn’t have an agenda? As children we all swarmed around the television set and watched:

Father Knows Best, Make Room for Daddy, Bachelor Father, My Three Sons, Sky King, Bonanza, Perry Mason,Gomer Pyle, Leave it to Beaver, Rat Patrol, Dragnet, Hogan’s Heros, Daktari, M.A.S.H., the Dick Van Dyke Show, Ironsides, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Mickey Mouse, Ed Sullivan, Get Smart, Dr Kildare…Do you see a pattern?

Thank heaven for I Love Lucy and then the smart-talking housekeeper, Hazel who eventually graced our screens in black and white. Psychology Today must have had a field day analyzing Television Programming gender bias. Who noticed such things? Sunday night’s Disney’s Wonderful World of Color was definite ‘appointment TV”.     Television gradually expanded and we saw: My Little Margie, December Bride, the Patty Duke Show, Petticoat Junction and the Carol Burnett Show. The early 1970’s introduced the Mary Tyler Moore Show, the Waltons, All in the Family, the Partridge Family and Bridget Loves Bernie.

And you had to laugh…

We laughed a lot at the surprising wit and double entendres on Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-in, at the Smothers Brothers, and Car 54, Where are you?, Happy Days, the Odd Couple, Mork and Mindy, Gilligan’s Island, the Bob Newhart Show, the Flying Nun and the Beverly Hillbillies. Genies,monkeys, monsters, talking horses ( it could happen) martians, and witches kept us laughing with: The Munsters and the Monkees and Bewitched, Mr. Ed, and I Dream of Jeanie.

Remember the laughter, smiles, giggles, groans and guffaws.

“Nothing show more about a man’s character than what he laughs at”. Goethe